DISCLAIMER: Don't own any of the characters, all property to Joss etc
TIMELINE: After Flooded and Carpe Noctem
SPOILERS: Aren't really any
SYNOPSIS: Another 'the meeting of Buffy and Angel' story
PAIRINGS: B/A
DISTRIBUTION: To anyone! Just gotta ask :)
NOTE: It's angsty, cos is anything in their world ever not? :) By the way having MAJOR writers block with 'Runaway' so there won't be any new parts till I can get past the brick wall in my head lol
RATING: I guess PG, or maybe R, actually no it's more PG

I hear his car pull up in the driveway and I feel like I'm going to pass out, he's not even out of the car and already I'm finding it hard to breathe. I inhale deeply, trying to calm myself but my teeth chatter and I shiver as I feel him moving away from his car towards the house.

My blood is humming inside me and I shiver again as if his slender finger was tracing a line down my back. The rusty old door creaks and I hear his footsteps coming closer to me, as I listen intently to his footsteps I realise that my breathing is making the same pattern and it scares me, he has such power over me and I surrender to it because it's him, because I love him.

They stop at the door to the room I'm standing in but I don't turn to face him, I close my eyes and inhale his scent and fond memories of how it used to be float in my mind and then I snap back to reality when I hear him whisper my name.

"Buffy..."

I finally turn and face him and I feel my breath hitch and my heart beat faster, I forgot how gorgeous he is when he's right infront of me breathing my name. I stare into his eyes and I feel like I'm drowning, drowning in the depths of his dark, enchanting eyes. I manage to find my voice and reply the only way I know how when it comes to him.

"Angel..."

His name seems strangely foreign yet familiar to me and I realise I haven't said it in awhile. It's not that I forgot about him, it's just that the pain isn't so sharp and blinding when I say his name out loud, it's dull but still enough to make me remember that I love this man with so much of me that sometimes I lose sense of who I am.

We stand there for a few more minutes staring at each other. The moon catches my eye and I turn to the window and gaze up at it, it reminds me of Angel, so pale and calm, my protector. I love the night, I feel like I belong in the shadows of the darkness or the light of the moon because my happiest times were in the night. The times when Angel and I would be kissing instead of patrolling or training together with a fire blazing next to us, the heat enveloping us in its comforting embrace.

I feel his cool hand touch my shoulder and I lean back into him, his arms wrapping around my waist and his chin resting on my head. I could stay like this for days, honestly, sometimes I really could. Just stand here with his cold arms that somehow make me warm wrapped protectively around me.

"I love you."

I smile because I know it has so much more meaning than that, in that one sentence he's told me everything he felt and went through, don't ask me why but it's just a thing we do.

"I love you too."

And again that one sentence has so much more meaning, so much power hidden underneath, that's what our love is like, it runs deep, forever, twisting and turning, never ending, even if we are with other people, it won't even end when we die, it'll outlast every single living thing in this world and it makes me feel special knowing that I'll always be loved.

I turn in his embrace to face him and he looks down at me, and I feel myself drowning in his eyes again and I forget what I was going to say, I'm under his spell.

"Buffy I-"

I push my finger to his mouth and silence him as I remember what I was going to say...rather what I was going to do. I stand on my tip-toes and lightly kiss him on the lips, he looks down at me again and this time he's under my spell and he bends his head down and kisses me back, harder, capturing my lips with his. I wrap my arms around his neck and I revel in the feel of his lips pressed against mine and I breathe in his musky scent and then laugh inside as I smell hair gel.

He finally pulls away and I feel lightheaded, like I do after every time we kiss, he just makes me so breathless and dizzy, no-one else has ever made me feel like that, no-one ever will. He bends his head down again and before I can fully catch my breath we're kissing again, but I don't care because sometimes kissing him seems so much more important.

I feel something poke into my back and I suddenly realise that I'm staring up at the ceiling, the moon shines down on us and I gasp as Angel traces his mark on my neck with his tongue. I pull of his jacket and start to unbutton his shirt, as his hands fumble with my blouse and pants.

Before I know it we're both naked and he hovers above me, staring at me intently. All I can think is that I want him here and now but something inside me is screaming for me to stop but I can't remember why it wants me to.

I look up into his eyes and it finally hits me, the curse, the curse, the curse! He must see it in my eyes because suddenly the lust vanishes and is replaced by shame and shock. He pulls away quickly and reaches for his clothes, mumbling apologies, but I pull him back and shake my head.

"It's okay, it's not your fault. H-h-hold me?"

It takes me a couple of seconds to realise that the lost sounding voice is me, he looks at me uncertainly but I plead with my eyes and he smiles pulling me to him and lying down. I know it hurts him, knowing that we can't lose ourselves in the moment, that we have to pull away when we don't want to so badly, but I guess it's something we have to live with for now, because I know some day we'll be together.

I don't remember when I drifted off to sleep but the next time I open my eyes the moon has gone and the sun shines into the room. I know he's gone, I think I felt him leave in my dreams last night. I'm not angry or upset, he had to leave, he always has to, there's just too much, love, passion, lust, too much for us anyway and I understand that now. The day that he left Sunnydale he never said goodbye and I've decided that neither will I.

I slowly get up and stand infront of the window, the rising sun shines down on my bare skin, I stare up at the sun but I look away quickly as it reminds me of why I don't like the day, it reminds me of how I can't have him and how I can walk in light but he can't.

I move out of the sunlight as it begins to warm my skin, I don't want the warmth of the day, I want the cool of the night because it brings my protector, my lover, my everything, my Angel.

********

"How was it Buffy?"

I look over at Dawn and in this moment I feel like I should tell her what really happened, tell her that we nearly made love, tell her that I realised I'll never stop loving him, but I don't, because for some reason it seems so sacred and special to us that I shouldn't share it with anyone other than Angel, so instead I avoid her eyes and reply with something that manages to sum it up enough for her to know without actually knowing.

"It was.....intense."

Hoped you all liked it!

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