RATING: PG
DISTRIBUTION: Ask me and we'll discuss it.
SUMMARY: Buffy does a little sacrificing for the one she loves.
FEEDBACK: It makes me happy.
DISCLAIMER: Buffy and Angel belong to Joss and company. Tristan and Taryn, loving, caring, wonderful characters that they are, belong to me. And no, I didn't plan the two Ts. It just happened. I'm partial to the letter.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a sequal to Life Goes On. Lots of people requested one, and they all told me exactly what they wanted to happen. Unfortunately, for them, I didn't listen. I hadn't planned on doing one because it was just a one shot deal, but then this came to me and I just had to go with it. That's one of the things I like about writing. In the end, it's all up to me. But don't let that stop you from letting me know what you think.
NOTE 2: Because AOL is very mean and doesn't like to send more than three lines at a time, I have to split this one-part story into three parts. Oh, and this has not been beta read. All mistakes are mine alone.

There was nothing better than waking up in Angel's arms, the Slayer thought as she snuggled deeper into her lover's embrace. She smiled when the still sleeping vampire tightened his arms around her, pulling her close. This was the way it was meant to be.

Some days she couldn't believe her good fortune. Six months ago she'd lost everything, her family, her friends, her husband, everything and everyone she'd sacrificed for and fought to protect for so many years. She'd sold her house and moved away, leaving the memories and the pain of Sunnydale behind to start a new life more than a thousand miles away. But moving away couldn't make her forget and she spent the first week in her new home, crying her eyes out, wondering if things would ever get better for her.

Three months later, when she was convinced that her life would never be anything but loss and pain, Angel had knocked on her door and stepped back into her life. She'd never been happier.

She just wished she could say the same for Angel.

At first things had been great between them. They spent hours and hours just being together, kissing and cuddling, doing all the things they'd never been allowed to do in the past. They baked cookies together and took walks through Central Park. They sat in front of the TV together, playfully disagreeing about what to watch, engaging in pillow fights to settle their disputes. They laughed and they cried and each and every night they fell asleep in each other's arms.

During their quiet moments together she told Angel about her life since she'd last seen him those ten long years ago, told him about the deaths of her loved ones and the affect it had on her, cried in his arms when she expressed to him her disappointment and genuine sadness at the demise of her marriage to a man she had truly loved, that a huge part of her still loved. In return he told her about his life, his friendship with Cordelia and Wesley and what they'd done for him, how they'd changed his life, and how devastated he'd been when they were killed. He told her about his work in LA and how the Powers had permanently restored his soul, told her about how he'd earned the redemption he'd worked so hard for. And one night he told her all about Taryn, the woman who'd stood by him through all the bad times, who'd helped him through his grief over the loss of his best friends, the woman who taught him that opening up his heart and allowing himself to love again was worth all the risk in the world.

Together at last, Buffy had thought they were happy and life was perfect.

But there were times, just after his talks with Taryn, she'd catch Angel staring at the phone as if it were his lifeline, times when she knew he was holding back, keeping a part of himself closed off from her. At first she'd been too happy to have him back in her life to pay it much attention, but as the weeks went by, she knew they could no longer ignore it. Angel was hiding something, something important, and she knew that if they were ever going to be truly happy, both of them, they needed to talk about it.

Dreading the upcoming conversation because she somehow knew that it would not end happily but also knowing that she would never be able to live with herself if she continued to let things be, Buffy gently shook Angel awake. His eyes blinked open and a slow smile spread across his face when he saw her.

"Good morning," he murmured huskily, kissing her softly.

Buffy smiled and returned the kiss eagerly. "It's five in the afternoon," she told him, gesturing towards the clock.

"It's morning for me," he said with a smile. He started to kiss her again, but caught the look in her eyes and pulled away. There was concern in his voice when he asked, "What's wrong?"

"I think we need to talk," she said as she sat up, sitting cross-legged beside him.

He sat up and leaned against the headboard. "About?"

"Taryn," she answered simpy, watching him carefully.

At the sound of her name, his gaze softened slightly, his lips curving in a small smile. The repsonse was fleeting and it was quickly masked, replaced with innocent curiosity. "What about her?" he asked.

"Tell me about her," she said. "You've mentioned her name exactly once in the three months you've been here, but she must be pretty important since you talk to her at least twice a week and she's running your business for you. I want to know more about her. I want to meet her."

Angel looked as though that was the last thing he wanted. "Why?"

Buffy sighed. "Because she's important to you," she explained softly. "I want to know what she means to you because you obviously miss her, so much in fact that it's keeping you from being happy."

Angel gave her a smile. "I am happy, Buffy," he insisted, denying her words. "Being with you is what I've always wanted." But there was pain in his voice, faint and carefully concealed, but Buffy heard it.

She took his face in her hands, sad that he was still willing to give up so much for her after all these years, sadder still that he was so oblivious to his own sorrow. She leaned forward and lightly kissed his lips. "Angel, honey, you're not happy," she said gently. "At least not as happy as I want you to be."

He just stared into her eyes, his gaze searching hers and after a moment the mask slipped. "I miss her," he admitted softly. "And I am happy here with you, but I just..."

Buffy heard the longing in his voice and felt tears well in her eyes. "You miss her," she finished with a smile. "Want to talk about it?"

Angel looked up at her, wiping the tears from her eyes. "We don't have to," he told her. "It's just something I have to deal with. Don't worry about it."

Buffy pulled away from him, suddenly angry at him for always putting her first, even when it hurt him so much, angry at herself for taking so much and giving so little. "But I do worry about it, Angel," she exclaimed angrily. "How can I not? Why are you always so willing to sacrifice for me? Why can't you ever be selfish? You've always told me that my happiness was the most important thing to you, that you would do anything, sacrifice everything just so I could be happy. Well, the same thing goes for me. I want you to be happy, and I'm willing to do anything for you to be that way."

Her anger had taken him by surprise, more so when he realized it wasn't him she was upset with, but herself. "I do it because I love you," he answered her finally.

As always, the declaration warmed her heart and she couldn't help but smile. "And I love you," she told him. "But I want you to be with me because you want to be with me, because it's the best thing for you, not just because you know I need you." She sighed. "Angel, I know that you love me. You've certainly done enough to show me that, and while my head doubted it in the past, my heart has always known how much I mean to you. But you also showed me that just because you love someone that doesn't mean that being together is what's best for them."

He looked at her in confusion. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that it's been a long time since we were together," she said as she moved to lay down beside him. "We've lived seperate lives, and we've grown. And while we know we love each other, that we'll always love each other, that just isn't enough anymore. You're not alone anymore, Angel. Taryn's been in your life a lot longer than I have, she's been there for you in ways I couldn't be. And I know she doesn't mean more to you than me, but she owns a part of your heart that I'll never be able to touch. And right now I think her part is bigger than mine."

Angel turned to look at her and smiled, knowing how much it cost her to say those words, to admit that he didn't belong to her and her alone. "When did you get to be so wise?" he asked, brushing back a lock of her hair.

The Slayer shrugged. "You learn a lot in ten years," she said with a smile. "I've matured a lot."

Angel chuckled. "It shows."

"I'm glad," she said. "I've worked hard for this maturity." She sat up and looked at him, her eyes serious. "You do know it's perfectly okay to be in love with two women, right?"

Angel nodded. "I know," he said sadly. "I just wish I didn't have to choose."

"I have a question for you and I want you to answer it honestly." She waited until Angel nodded before continuing. "Do you love her? Would you do anything for her? Is there a part of you that's completely miserable without her?"

There was no hesitation when Angel answered, "Yes." He sighed. "But I feel the same way about you."

Buffy wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. "You sure don't make these things easy," she said, a mix of sadness and amusement in her voice.

Angel smiled. "What things?" he asked, already knowing her answer.

"Giving you up," she answered simply. When she pulled away there were tears in her eyes and Angel's smile faded. "I know I don't have to, but if I don't, you'll stay with me and not only will you be unhappy, but Taryn will be, too. You don't deserve that and neither does she. Besides, I think it's time I think of you and your happiness first for once."

Angel wiped her tears away, pressing his lips to hers. "I love you," he whispered against her lips, his tears mingling with hers.

Buffy gave him a watery smile. "I know. I love you, too," she said, brushing his tears away with her thumbs. "Now, you go call Taryn and tell her you're coming home."

Angel gave her one last quick kiss before getting out of bed and walking out of the bedroom to use the phone in the living room to call Taryn. Buffy watched him go with mixed emotions; sadness because once again she was going to watch Angel walk away from her, contentment that her sacrifice would give him the happiness he deserved. Having him back had made her happier than she'd been in a very long time and she could feel her heart breaking all over again knowing that he would no longer be hers. But she would treasure the time they had together, content in the knowledge that he would never forget her just as she would never forget him. They would always love each other, nothing would ever change that. But Angel's happiness was more important to her than anything and she knew that letting him go was the right thing to do, for both of them.

Besides, Angel had told her once a very long time ago that when one door closed another one opened.

With that thought firmly in mind, she grabbed her cell phone off the table beside the bed, dialing the familiar overseas number by heart.

He answered on the fourth ring, sounding exhausted and weary, just the way she had sounded before Angel came back into her life. "Hello?"

Buffy smiled, the sound of his voice mending some of the damage done to her heart, and she realized then just how much she had missed him. "Tristan," she greeted him. "I think we need to talk."

Send feedback to Tamara

Back to the Fanfiction Archive