Disclaimer: I'm not the @hole who MUST keep Buffy and Angel apart, am I? Don't think so. Answering the question, do I own them, nope! Christina Aguilera owns her song, I Turn To You.
Summary: AU; Buffy and Angel are best friends.
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Come on!! Puh-leazzze..I'm on my knees.
Author's Note: Buffy's POV
Dedication: Ryan, thanks for the idea for this story. It is excellent, I love it.

How do you tell your best friend of thirteen years that you're in love with him? How do you tell the person you've taken baths with you're in love with him? Some people might say easy, just tell him, right?

Wrong.

Its just not that simple. What could I say to him? 'I'm in love with you.' No. It has to be something original, something that will make him want to reciprocate the feelings.

We've been friends for such a long time. What happens if he doesn't feel the same way I feel about him? Will it ruin our friendship?

I need a book or something. 'How to tell him you love him.' That would work. There would be a chapter on best friends, I could use the advice they give me and use it on him. He would fall hopelessly in love with me, head over heels in love with me and we could live happily ever after.

Ha, that's a dream.

Nothing in life is that easy. It would just be too easy. Life is a challenge. It wouldn't work if things were all so easy.

Someone just knocked on my door, I'll think about this later.

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"Angel," I greet my best friend. "Hey."

"Hey," he nods, stepping into my dorm room.

We've been friends for thirteen years. Yes, he is the man I'm in love with. The only man I've ever been in love with.

"Ready for class?" he asks me.

"Am I ever?" I say sarcastically. He knows me, I hate to learn. Him on the other hand, he has a brain for knowledge.

While things go in one ear and out the other for me, Angel can remember anything you tell him.

Grabbing my books and coat, we head to Psych class with evil Professor Walsh. Her TA, Riley Finn, has a crush on me. He asks me out probably once a week.

Of course, Angel tells me to give in and say yes. You never know what will happen until you try it. If I weren't in love with someone else I would say yes.

But how do I tell Angel my real reasons? 'I don't want to go out with him because I love you.'

Not going to work.

So, I just stick to the 'he isn't my type' thing. It seems to be working. Eventually, Angel will see through me.

Here we go, I see Riley walking up to us. As if on cue, Angel leaves, taking a seat in the auditorium.

"Hey, Buffy," Riley greets.

"Hi," I answer, faking a smile.

"I was wondering if maybe you would like to go get coffee sometime, maybe?" he asked.

"I'm sorry, Riley, it just won't work with us."

I let him down, gently, for about the 6th time. He never learns, I don't want to date him.

Finding Angel, I join him and get ready to learn. Although, I don't see how it would help. Things go in one ear and out the other for me.

"So, are you and Riley going out?" Angel asks.

I shoot him a look. "You know he's not my type."

"Tell me, Miss. Summers, what is your type?" he asks, trying to sound like he has authority.

"Cute, funny, intelligent, athletic, great personality." I explain.

"Well, that sounds just like me," he teases. "Maybe we should date."

I laugh. A fake laugh. He doesn't know how much I want to date him.

Maybe someday I will work up the courage to tell him how I feel.

Class is over and now Angel and I are walking back to my dorm room. Then, later tonight we are going to the Bronze with Willow, Xander, Cordelia, and Gunn.

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I walk into the Bronze, searching for my friends. I spot them, sitting in our regular booth. We've been coming here since high school, it's like a ritual we came up with, every weekend we go 'bronzing,' as Xander likes to refer to it as.

Angel is the first to greet me, "Hey."

"Hi," I return. Then I turn to the table, telling everyone hey. I get either a response or a nod from each of them.

A slow song comes on. This is my opportunity to tell Angel how I feel.

"You wanna dance?" I ask.

He smiles and grabs my hand, pulling me onto the dance floor.

The song that is playing reminds me of exactly how I feel.

When I'm lost in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light to light my way.
And when I'm scared and losing ground;
When my world is going crazy, you can turn it all around.
And when I'm down you're there; pushing me to the top.
You're always there; giving me all you've got.

Exactly, Angel turns everything around. I have a bad day and he talks to me, then its a great day.

For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you.

He gives me the will to carry on. When I get a bad grade, nothing new, he always encourages me and tells me I will do better next time.

When I lose my will to win,
I just reach for you and I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything,
'Cause your love is so amazing;
'cause your love inspires me.
And when I need a friend, you're always on my side;
Giving me faith that gets me through the night.

His love as a friend is so amazing and his love as a friend inspires me. Why can't it be love as a lover?

For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you.

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain;
For truth that will never change;
For someone to lean on;
for a heart I can rely on through anything;
For that one who I can run to....
I turn to you.

I can run to Angel when something is wrong. I can rely on him through anything.

For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you.
For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that's true... For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you...

I wish we could be more than friends. I once told Willow to seize the day, for once, I am going to take my own advice.

I'm leaning in for a kiss, he has no idea what I am about to do.

Please, don't push me away, I beg him in my head. I can't handle rejection.

Our lips brush and tongues start to duel. He isn't pushing me off, he is actually welcoming the kiss. There is some hope, please, let there be some hope. This is what I've been wishing for.

We pull apart and I look into his eyes.

"Buffy, we can..." he starts but I run, not leaving him time to finish.

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I just ran.

I had to.

He was going to reject me. I heard him, he started say 'Buffy, we can't.'

I wouldn't let him continue, it would hurt too much.

Smart, Buffy, very smart. Not only did I ruin our friendship, but I just broke my own heart. Hearing him say those three words, God, it hurt.

"Buffy," he yells, knocking on the door. I knew he would come running after me. "Open up, I know you're in there."

"Go away," I manage to yell through my tears.

"Please," he pleads, "let me in. I want to talk you."

"Go away!"

"Buffy, please."

How can I resist his pleading? I stand up, clutching Mr. Gordo, my stuffed pig. Great, I'm wearing my yummy sushi pajamas, he's going to think I'm real mature.

Opening the door, I see him standing there, looking distressed.

I really must look like shit because he crushes me into his embrace.

"God, Buffy," he says, stroking my blonde hair. "Why did you run, I wanted to talk to you."

Detaching myself from him, I walk back to my bed.

"Talk," I order.

I'm mad and I'm hurting, why can't he leave me alone?

"Why did you run?" he asks, as if it isn't obvious.

"Why, Angel?" I whisper. "Because you were about to tell me we can't do this. Because I couldn't take your rejection. Because I've been in love with you for so long, and I just couldn't tell you. When you kissed me back, I thought you wanted it. Then you started saying 'we can't' and I got scared. I ran, it was the easiest thing to do."

"Come here," he commands.

I walk over to him and he kisses me again. This time, its me who is surprised.

The kiss is sweet and gentle, not rough and hard. It's filled with passion and love. His hands start to roam over my back and I pull away.

"Why are you doing this? You don't want to be with me, but you kiss me?" I scream.

"You never let me finish," he explains. "What I was about to say was we can do this. We need to make it work because I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you since high school but I could never tell you because I too was afraid of rejection."

After a moment of silence he starts again, "You always were the brave one."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask.

"You went in for the kiss, I didn't. I was too scared."

"Oh."

He pulls me down for another kiss and its the same as before. God, his lips are so warm. I love him.

"How are we supposed to explain this to everyone?" I ask.

"We just tell them."

"I love you," I whisper, sinking into his embrace.

He leans back onto the bed and cradles me in his chest.

"I love you," I hear him whisper before I sink into a deep sleep.

Telling Angel I loved him was the easiest thing I've ever done, right?

RIGHT!