SPOILERS: I Will Remember You...
SUMMARY: End of both series... After stopping "The End Of Days", the PTB finally decide that it's time to take away all the pain and guilt that have tortured Angel's soul for so long...
DISCLAIMERS: All the characters in the story (including the demons) belong to whoever has the right on "BTVS" and "Angel".
AUTHOR's NOTES: Just a small story I wrote a while ago... So maybe some things don't seem all that accurate anymore... But still, I thought that maybe you would like it... I'm also sorry if I made some spelling or grammar mistakes (My first language is french, not entirely bilingual yet)... And feedback's (good or bad) are very welcome : )

While fighting, Angel's blood had been accidently mixed up with the blood of one of the Mohra demons. He had felt his heartbeat picking up at the same time Buffy's one had been slowing down... The apocalypse had been avoided, together, these two great warriors had succeeded, just like it had been predicted by this demon who had told them about the End of Days together, you are powerful, alone, you are dead... So how come hadn't he been able to save Buffy ? He should have, he had sacrificed everything just to be able to protect her. Being forced to put aside his love, his happiness with her, just to be sure no one would ever hurt her. Angel felt a great amount of pain and guilt overcome him, it was his fault, he should've been more careful, he knew that the blood of the Mohra demon would make him human and less powerful, yet, he still hadn't been enough careful to avoid the situation...

***

Buffy had sensed that something was wrong with Angel, he wasn't able to fight as usual, his nose bleeded, he seemed to be in great pain and, after being kicked to the ground, wasn't able to get up to avoid the demon blows but instead, curled himself up into a defensive ball, trying to protect his head with his hands. The rest of the Scooby gang was too busy fighting the other darkness warriors and Giles was trying to secure the dimension gates that would send all of those demons back to hell so, they weren't noticing anything and couldn't help him. After killing one of them, Buffy decided to try rescuing Angel before attacking the head demon. In fact, Angel was just about to loose counciousness when he saw Buffy coming toward him... and... he saw the head demon which, taking advantage of Buffy's distraction, stabbed her from behind with his sword. Angel screamed and Buffy, taking the sword away from her back, had just the time to turn around to kill the demon with it before collapsing to the floor. After the death of their leader, the other Mohras stopped the fight, not knowing what to do and Giles closed the gates, causing a great explosion of light...

Only after all the smog had vanished did the others realise what had happened. Buffy's body was lying lifelessly in Angel's arms, her head bent on his chest, and he was crying heavily, trying to catch up his breath, kissing her forehead gently, repeating softly her name.

The group stood there, not moving, not daring to make a sound, not even able to cry, for they couldn't believed what had just happened and didn't know how to comfort Angel who was totally heartbroken.

***

There was no doubt he was responsible for this, his greatest fear, Buffy getting hurt or worse, dying trying to protect him had come true. How unfair was it ! Dying to save a man who had lived over 200 years, who had come to know almost everything the world had to offer him and who was somehow weary of life. She was only 20 and the world had so much to give her, so much years ahead of her, years of joy, of pain, of sunshine, of life ! Since he first got his soul back, never had he felt so sad and guilty. " I'm sorry, I'm so sorry ... Buffy, please, forgive me, will you ever forgive me ?... " was all he was able to think of. She meant the world to him and it seemed his own existence had somehow died with her.

Suddenly, a brilliant and warm white light surrounded the room one time more, making a circle around Angel and the group, blinding them.

Slowly, the light faded, revealing about a hundred people, all surrounding Angel. Among the crowd, Angel could recognise his parents, the young gypsie girl, and Jenny. In short, all of Angelus's victims were there, looking at him. Giles saw Jenny too and it made his heart bleed, for he still had feelings for her. Jenny took a step forward in Angel's direction, smiling, looking very peaceful and compassionate. Angel gently put Buffy's body down and, still crying more than ever before, stood up until Jenny was right in front of him, almost able to reach him with her hand. He looked into Jenny's eyes and saw no anger in it, no feelings such as pain or a desire for revenge, only peace and love. This brought him to a state of great confusion. Shouldn't she be mad at him for all that had been taken away so soon from her, including her relationship with Giles ? This was unbearable, Angel fell to his knees on the ground, and kept saying : " Jenny, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I never wanted to hurt you, this wasn't meant to be, how could I, I mean... "

Jenny slowly bent to his level, sitting on the floor in front of him to be able to look at him directly in the eyes and said in a soft voice:

" Angel, look at me and listen. I refuse your excuses, it wouldn't be right for me to accept them or for any of us here either ".

Angel suddenly looked frightened :

" But why... "

She didn't let him finish and smiled at him, he felt a very warm feeling envelope him.

" Because, those excuses are not yours to make. The reason why we're all gathered here with you is because the Powers That Be gave us the permission to come to set your soul at ease. Angel, it wasn't your fault, never have been, never will be, you're just like the rest of us, a victim of Angelus, that's all. Now that the Mohra demon has turned you back to your human form, maybe you'll be able to understand this. All you shared with Angelus was a physical appearance, a memory and a vampire's instinct and power. He tried to kill and torture your soul just as he killed and tortured most of us. So it's you who should receive excuses right now ".

" Me ? ", Angel was more and more shaken by this conversation but, still enjoyed it in some deep part of himself.

" Yes, you. " said Jenny. " You see, everyone in this room or anywhere else in the world who have ever tried to lead you to believe you were evil and desired to suffer in any way should apologize to you, my clan first. We didn't make Angelus suffer with our plans of revenge by getting your soul back in your body, but you alone, will you ever arrive to forgive us ? "

Angel shed tears of relief this time, and somehow, of joy. It seemed that an incredibly heavy weight had been taken away from his shoulder. Jenny stood up and helped him get to his feet.

" I do, I understand, your clan was overwhelmed with pain and just wanted to find a way to make things right. In a way, you made me a better man. From a totally irresponsible and drunk boy, I became someone who was of some use to others I guess... You sort of gave me a second chance..."

" Hum, Angel... "

Angel turned around, it was Xander talking to him, his voice trembling with emotions...

" I'm sorry, I guess I was somehow jealous of your relationship with Buffy and, well, you scared me in some way. I know we haven't been best pals lately but, I want to thank you. First, for the love you have brought in Buffy's life and also for saving my ass a couple of times. Sorry for calling you " dead boy ", which isn't really accurate anymore I guess... Did I mention I did appreciate you saving my ass ? ".

Angel, through his tears, laughed a little and walked in direction of Xander to shake his hands but ended up giving him a quick hug saying " Thank you ".

" Well, hopefully that hug was quick, you were almost affecting what's left of my manliness here ! "

Angel smiled and turned to Giles as he was about to say something.

" Angel, I just want you to know... "

" It's okay, I understand what you've been going through, losing the one you love is like losing a part of yourself, I know that now... It sometimes makes you say things you don't want to say to take away the pain... "

" Thanks ", Giles replied.

" She loved you a lot you know... You were almost like a father to her, thanks to you too ".

Giles broke into tears and soon they were hugging.

" Why does this reminds me of the case with the sensitivity training and the " talking stick " they used... ", Cordelia said to herself, making Angel's attention being drawn to her.

" Have I done something to be sorry for ?... " Cordelia suddenty wondered...

" Well, except for saying everything that is on your mind not really caring for how those words will affect us... Or for your incredible selfishness, or for... ", Xander interrupted.

" Thank you very much Xander, I've got the point. Well, I guess I'm sorry for that... Do I have to say it all over again or did Xander made himself clear ? "

Angel looked at her with a mocking smile... " Come here " he said with the same tone of voice he had used after his encounter with the " talking stick ", only this time, it was her and not Kate who was the target...

" Oh no, not again ! " and in a second, a little unwillingly, she was in his arms.

" You're great Cordy, never change okay ? "

" You can pretty much bet on it ! " she said, not letting Angel go...

" Ok... Cordy, I guess I'm missing some air here... "

" Hey ! It's you who wanted a hug ! "

" It's never her fault, isn't it ? " was Xander's comment.

" Well, at least " guilt trips " have never been an issue with me ", she said smiling, yet crying a little.

" Angel... "

The call came from the other side of the room, among the crowd of spirits who had come with Jenny...

" Angel, I'm so proud of you... I just want you to know how much your father and I are proud of our son... "...

Angel walked toward her, then ran... And he embraced her with all his heart and soul...

" Thank you mom... "

" You don't know how long I've waited to be able to tell you how much you made us all proud and how much we loved you... How hard it was for a mother to watch her son suffer and feel guilty for the actions of a monster which he wasn't responsible of... "

Meanwhile, Jenny had turned to Giles...

" Jenny, I loved you, still does, I'm so sorry for what happened, I shouldn't have been mad at you. It wasn't fair for me to reject you... "

" No Rupert, it wasn't your fault. I lied to you and Buffy in some way by not telling you the true reason why I was in Sunnydale, and I should have trusted you that night when I intended to do the spell restoring Angel's soul. It was a little unwise from me not telling all of you what my intentions were, it could have saved me. I know it wasn't in your intentions either to reject me but Buffy had lost her love and you were supportive to her, just like Angel said, you were a father figure. Besides, you had the right to feel betrayed, I shouldn't have kept secrets from you. But it's very important for you to know that if I had been aware that a moment of true happiness would make Angel loose his soul again, I would have told you right away. My duty was only to watch over him and make sure he was suffering, which wasn't exactly a pleasant task considering he had helped me a couple of times, they hadn't told me anything else. "

" I believe you " Giles replied " I trust you, and more important, I love you... "

She embraced him, and then kissed him. Giles felt relieved too... He had wanted for so long to be able to tell her what she meant to him, to have a second chance and to make her understand that he didn't blame her for what had happened. She had left on such a sad note and he hadn't gotten the chance to tell her how much he loved her and wasn't mad at her before her death.

" I love you... " he repeated again...

" I know, I have felt it all along, I love you too. We have to go now, our mission here is done... But I'll be with you always Rupert... Be happy and take care of yourself... I promise we will meet again, but now isn't the time... "

" I understand... " he said.

" Angel, I know there's still a lot of questions racing through your mind right now but most of them will be answered tonight I promise. The Powers That Be have a gift for you, it'll be up to you to accept it or refuse it... Your soul is pure Angel, remember that... "

And before he could say anything, the white light blinded them once again and made them fall to the floor. Everything was gone, Jenny and all of those spirits who had come back to help Angel understand that he wasn't responsible for Angelus's action had now returned to their world. While checking if everybody was okay, Willow noticed that Angel was lying next to Buffy, his head against her chest, not moving. A dreadful possibility ran through her mind and she rushed herself to his side to see if he was alright.

" Is he dead ? " asked Oz...

" No, still breathing, I believe he is unconscious though... "

" Maybe we should get him back to his apartment " proposed Giles...

Everybody agreed...

***

When Angel woke up, he found himself lying in his bed, Giles sitting next to him. Although he still remembered what had happened, some things were kind of vague in his mind...

" Giles, have I been dreaming or... "

" Or you've just saved the world and had a close encounter of the third kind ? " he joked.

Angel took a close look at Giles's expression. His eyes were kind of puffy, as if he had been crying for several hours...

" And, from what I can see, some other things were real also... "

" Yeah, although I wish they weren't... Are you going to be okay? " he asked trying to see what was going on Angel's mind.

" Yeah... " said Angel, trying to avoid Giles's gaze...

" You sure ? "...

Giles didn't like it, Angel had a very strange look, he wasn't crying anymore, didn't seem to have the strength to, Angel looked like he was just plain exhausted from all the intense feelings he had gone through in one day.

" Do you want me to leave you alone for the rest of the day... Maybe come back tomorrow ? "

" Yeah, I would appreciate... Besides, you look tired, I believe you might need some rest... "

" So do you... " answered Giles in a low tone of voice.

He was just about to leave when he heard Angel calling his name :

" Giles... "

He turned around. " Yes ? "

" I wanted to thank you... "

" For what ? "

" For staying, and also for helping me and Buffy so many times... Could you tell the others that I love them and that although we had some disagreements sometimes, they're still the best friends I've ever had... "

Giles felt that the tears were coming back to his eyes...

" I will... " he promised, " do you need anything else ? "

" No, thank you... ".

Outside, Willow and the rest of the group were waiting for him...

" So, how is our new " alive boy " doing ? " asked Xander.

" He says he's alright, but he looks very beaten up, not at all " alive " actually... I believe we should give him some time alone ". Giles seemed a little uncomfortable with that statement, as if he couldn't decide if yes or no he had made the right decision...

" Giles... " said Willow " don't you think that if he's alone he might try to... "

" He probably will... " was all that Giles was able to say before walking away...

The other took a last look behind and followed him...

***

An hour had past since Giles had left the room. Through the whole hour, Angel hadn't gotten up, he just laid there, absorbed by his thoughts... He was thinking about Buffy, about why things had gone so wrong ? Was it his fault ? This time Angelus was out of the picture, so he was the only one left he could blame. If only he had been more careful and had avoided the situation, Buffy would never have gotten so distracted and she might still be alive... He got to the conclusion that him becoming human again had killed Buffy... They had been able to stop the End of Days together but still, he alone had survived... What happens to all beings ? Albeit sooner in her case... that was what the Oracle had prophesied. Had he been so foolish to think that giving up his life as a mortal was enough to save her... Or if it was enough indeed, did getting it back accidentally caused her death ? He felt lost and desperate. And now that she was gone... What was left for him to live for the upcoming years ? What was left for him to hold on to ? His love was gone, so was his powers as a vampire... The world was saved... What reason did he have for staying? Who needed him now...

" Me... "

Angel opened his eyes, which he had closed for a brief moment... Buffy was there, sitting next to him at the place where Giles had sat an hour ago... A vibrant glow surrounded her and she looked so beautiful, so peaceful, so loving...

" Buffy... " he began to say, not believing his eyes...

" I know, but you couldn't have avoided what happened today. It was my destiny and it just couldn't have been avoided, no matter how hard you would've tried. You staying a vampire wouldn't have changed anything either... " she said trying to cheer him up.

Angel was more and more amazed, he somehow started forgetting that she was dead and continued the conversation like he would have usually...

" But how did you... "

" Know what you were about to say ? " she said laughing, that laugh was a beautiful song to Angel's ears, he didn't wanted it to stop... That was all he had lived for the past years, hearing Buffy laugh and be happy...

" Well " she continued " I've sort of been listening to your thoughts for the past hour, I couldn't help it, I knew that in not so long I wouldn't maybe have the chance to do that without your permission... Besides, I wanted to know what kind of feelings I was dealing with to be sure to find the right way to comfort you... ".

" Just being here is fine... ", and it was true, since Buffy had appeared before him, it seemed that all of Angel's pain and sorrow was gone... He could feel and love her with all his senses... She looked so beautiful, an angel in a white vaporous gown... Her voice was a sweet melody to his ears... And a soft perfumed smell filled the air... Enveloping him in the most perfect feeling of peace and happiness he had ever known... And the greatest thing of all, his love, his one and only true love seemed to share this feeling with him.

" So, here's the deal " she said, her voice sounding very cheerful and playful " since we both saved the world and made it a better place to live, the Powers That Be have decided that maybe we would deserve to spend a little time together... "

" And... how much time exactly is that ? " asked Angel, for whom Buffy's playfulness was getting very contagious...

" How about... " Buffy made a long pause, sounding like she wanted to tease him or make the fun last and, while doing that, sat closer to him so that her face would almost touch his... " Forever... That is of course if you have no other plans on how to spend the next... lets say... sixty years ? ".

" Well, I did have a couple of stuff I was looking forward to... " Angel began, trying to sound as serious as he could in his present state of mind... " Are you kidding me ? ! ? ! " he suddenly said with a lot of enthusiasm in his voice.

And he kissed her... A long, passionate kiss that seemed to last forever and strangely, left him with a sweet taste of chocolate in his mouth...

" Now what's that ? " he asked laughing...

" Just playing with your senses, I know you love chocolate... See, that day they had erased, they hadn't erased it entirely... It just stayed there, somewhere in my mind, mixed with all the fantasies I had had about you... So I wasn't able to know if it was just a dream or real... "

" I wish that day could've last forever " he said, honestly thinking it...

" Wish granted, close your eyes ..." she asked him with a soft smile...

Angel closed his eyes and soon felt Buffy's lips against his, and they were kissing, this kiss was less violent and a lot more tender than the last one, as if Buffy didn't want to rush things out. While kissing, Angel could hear that his heartbeat was slowing down and his breathing became shallower... And shallower... And stopped... As he was about to loose consciousness he felt Buffy gently set his body and head down on the pillow and then, everything went black...

***

When he woke up, he was lying in Buffy's arms, in a vast field of flowers... Which recreated for him the smell that had filled his room not so long ago. He could feel the sun warm and gentle on his skin and the love that was coming from Buffy... She was there, smiling at him, looking at him intensely, like absorbed by his beauty...

" So how's my Angel doing ? " she asked, though she already knew the answer...

" Fine, I've never felt that good, I feel... free. All my guilt is gone, and the best of all, I'm free to love you forever without feeling any shame, without thinking that I don't have the right to, that it is selfish and that I would only make your life miserable or worse... Please, tell me that this isn't a dream and I won't wake up tomorrow morning without you by my side.... ".

She laughed again.

" Why can't you just be happy without thinking something wrong is going to happen ? You worry too much, that's always been your problem... And I don't worry enough, which was also and issue... I guess you really do complete me... Anyway ! I'm here to stay and nothing will change that unless we decide to. I swear you aren't in a dream right now... Everything is real and it's up to us to make it beautiful... "

" Which means... " Angel asked.

" This place works with our imagination and our will... We decide together where we want to be and there we are... " she explained.

" So, you choose this place ? "

" Well, I wanted you to wake up in a very vast location, without too many things around you to make it less confusing... And the flowers smelled good, the sun was radiant and warm and comforting, so I figured out... "

" And everything is just perfect... " Angel remarked.

" I figured out that I'm babbling again... " she said looking a little embarrassed...

Angel laughed..." And I could listen to you babbling for all eternity... " he said with a teasing smile...

" Be careful what you wish for... " Buffy replied...

" I mean it... "

And Angel kissed her, knowing that indeed, they had an eternity of happiness together...

***

When Giles came back the next morning to see how Angel was doing, he found him lying peacefully in his bed, his eyes closed, a soft smile on his lips... From where he was standing, he noticed that there was absolutely no movement in his chest but, instead of feeling sad, he strangely found himself smiling... He heard Jenny's voice saying :

" He's with his soulmate now, nothing can hurt them... "

and then left to join the others...

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