Disclaimer: Don't own either buffy or angel. Joss owns Buffy and Angel.
Summary: I'm not sure how its gonna go, so... hehe, just read and find out!
Timeline: Not certain... 4 or 5 at the most for Buffy, maybe some B6 themes, but none of that Spike crap! 1-3 for Angel. Other than that, AU I think.
Rating: Same as the show. I hope...
Notes: Um, Buffy's POV. Being Buffy is easier than being any of the other characters cuz we know exactly how she ticks cuz we've watched her for almost six years now.

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"Alile: Nigerian; She weeps; for a child born into unfortunate circumstances."

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No one can say that they don't have some secrets that no body knows about. Like the dorky kid in the back of the classroom who really happens to be the male slut of the adult world. Or the Jock who flirts and brags about his conquests, when in reality he is just a shaky, frightened piece of meat. Or even the schoolteacher who hides the fact that they actually don't hate their students, just pretends they do.

My friends are the same way. I know for a fact that Giles had a load of secrets, most of them involving sex and drugs from what I'm guessing, that he's too embarrassed to tell me about since he's always acted as the top notch fifties ideal Watcher. Xander's secrets are a bit more... sexual as well. He lied to me and Will about how his first time was with Faith, and I know for a fact that he has secret sex about once a day at lunch time with Anya at the Magic Box in the back of the storage room. That, and he has a thing for Jim Carey, and not in that, `Wow, I wish I was like you Carey' way.

Anya has a tendency to pretend that she's not interested in anything but sex and money, but I know that she hides rare emotions of an inexperienced girl. Willow, my best friend, hid the fact that she had an inner naughty gayness inside of her. That and she and Tara, every once in a while, use magick during their little adventures.

How do I know? Simple. I walked by the window of their room on patrol when all of these multicolored lights went off and I could this strange rare sexual magick in the air. Naughty Will.

As for Dawn or my mom, I know that my mom had sex with Giles, which I would have never had known about if it hadn't been for that little accident with the aspect of the demon. I know that Dawn has her secret diaries where she writes about her inner crush for Xander, and how that sort of maneuvered towards Spike, which I am still not approving of.

Ah, and then there's Spike. I know that he has like, this wall of me in his little crypt. Can I say something? Sick twisted bastard. I mean, there was this one time, on patrol, I walked by and I heard him call out my name... jeez. Knowing him he was probably having some sort of fantasy involving me, him, and Billy Idol.

When you think about it this way, all of my friends and family have naughty sexual secrets. But those are the ones that are really secret. Its not as big of a deal as Xander's fetish with chips and chocolate, or Willow's thing with robot babies, or Dawn's newest love of making paper stakes...

Maybe we aren't as weird as I thought... what with the secrets and all.

Ah, but when it comes to me, ha! That's a laugh. As far as I know, I have absolutely no secret sex experiences or thoughts... then again, I do have a few fantasies involving Angel. Like the one where we take a bubble bath together, sneak into a dancing class place and dance/do it at the same time... or that one where I come out of the Bronze and he shoves me up against a wall... er, but these are all very private things that would without a doubt make me blush until I resembled a blood stained face.

Yes, I'll admit, I have an inner horny girl... but, when things actually happen, like my first time with Angel, all I could think about was love... I figure that if Angel and I moved on, I mean, with being sexual, without the curse and all that, there would be horny times with walls and bathtubs.

Its like that dream I had where I was curled up against Angel while he and I were reading poetry. He read one line, and then I would read the next one. "High is my love, on the star to ecstasy," He whispered into my ear. "The tresses of hair tickle my skin." I would read. "Thoughts of warm sun kissed skin against my lips..." "It brings me higher with every ragged breath." I tilted my head to the side. "And with my love I do cry..." I sighed, "Sometimes I get so horny I need few of those ice pack thingy's..."

Angel would look at me then, a look of shock, and then a tired laugh would fill my ears, "Buffy... `thingy' is not a word, and I doubt the author would use it--"

I pouted in my dream, "Author's name."

And then he would look down and read it, only for me to smile smugly and read it with him, "Angel..."

"See?" I would mock before I would wake up.

That was one of the weirdest dreams I had with him, but I can still remember those words in my dream... funny...

Again, I'm asking myself what this has to do with secrets when I suddenly remember.

Last night I had found out Angel has a baby... Conner... he had invited me to see that little infant and like the stupid ex- girlfriend that I am, I agreed. How or why, he said that he would explain Conner's existence, and thoughts of the unknown child ran through my head as I sat, perched on the tall tombstone of... ah... Sharon Lipshitcky... I pity, not only her being a vampire that I dusted an hour ago, but for whoever came up with that last name.

Anyway, back to Conner. As soon as Angel told me about his baby son, it made me think about the possibilities. How did Angel conceive a child? Was such a thing even possible? And besides all of that, was the child human at all?

That's when I thought of her. My own little secret. Of course, I have more than one, though everyone seems to think differently. They see me and go, "Oh, look there's Buffy the Vampire Slayer, blond girl who will protect the world until she dies. Hey, didn't she once go out with that Angel guy?" That's what they think. My friends don't know that I come from a rare line of witches, and that my cousins on my dad's side of the family taught me magick, only I don't use it because it takes more energy out of me than the actually slayage and could kill me, even though I've always wanted to use it to save people, but I don't.

That was secret number uno from the moment I was five, I knew that much because I accidentally made Mr. Gordo fly out my window and up into the small tree house in my old home's back yard.

The second one, was a tiny girl who looked so much like me. Her name? That one's easy. It's sown into my head. Alile. My sweet little Alile. I had first met her at the hospital. It had been two weeks after I had suddenly been told I was the Slayer. Pissed me off, so I decided to visit the hospital that afternoon. I used to go there and help out in Junior High. That's when I saw her. Little Alile.

She had been in an accident, a car crash, and she had lost a lot of blood. She had looked paler than a newborn vampire, her blond hair that surprisingly matched my own was limp against her would be rosy cheeks. Her lips were parted in a small frown, and I couldn't help but study her with all of those machines and tubes hooked up to her.

She was actually a brand new orphan. Family died in the car crash. Alile had wanted to go to the skating rink. The little five-year- cold's hopes and dreams had been that, but she had lost it all. A nurse had told me that Alile had a rare blood type. -B. That's very rare indeed. She said that the emergency blood supply should have been there by now, and that's what had roused my suspicions.

I had snuck out of the hospital. That's when I saw those idiot vampires. They had killed the driver and were now feasting on free blood. Now, being the Slayer, I couldn't let `em do that, now could I? No sirry. So, like the good Slayer I was, I killed the three vampires. Took longer than it would have taken me now, but I managed.

When I was finished, I saw that only two bags of blood were left. One of them were perfectly fine, but the other had been slashed around the top, by fangs or fingernails, I hadn't certain. Grabbing a hold of the small box that the blood hat been in, I ran into the hospital, making sure I had torn my clothing, and made sure to smear the small cut on my head to make it look like I had been attacked.

The nurse who had seen me earlier, went into hysterics, but calmed herself as I explained that it was a gang of girls who were destroying all of the blood because they belonged to a cult or something. She had thanked me for saving the blood, and had rushed off with it to find the doctor that was assigned to Alile.

I had felt good then. I had saved that girls life. Smiling, I had gone to the cafeteria. It may not be true for most hospitals, but the one in L.A. serves some of the best cafeteria food I ever laid my hands on. Even better than the crap they called food at Sunnydale High.

Once I had finished my clam chowder, guava juice, and grabbed an apple to go, I noticed that it was only midnight now. Perhaps the blood transfusing was done by then. I had stepped into the room and watched her for a longest moment, at least one of the most longest moments of my life. She looked so much better. Her hair was beautiful again, her cheeks rosy with color. Her tiny hands were twitching now and then, but I had assumed that to be normal.

I would have slipped out, probably forgetting the little orphan girl in a week if she hadn't woken up with a soft cry of, "Mommy?"

I had turned then, gazing at her with a pained look. She was an orphan now. A beautiful, young baby child who had lost her parents and everything she knew. I had no heart to tell her that now, so I had only walked towards her.

She had looked up at me, and I had noticed for the first time how her eyes were the color of a healthy chocolate brown. She seemed tired still, but much better than before, and she stared up at me with a strange look of curiosity and sadness, "Where's my mommy?"

Those three words were my undoing, and I couldn't help myself from lying to her, "I don't know, sweetie."

"Who are you then?" She asked, moving her tiny hand to take my own, "Are you one of my mommy's friends?"

I shook my head, "No... I'm just a girl..."

"Where... where am I?" She asked, glancing around.

I brushed her blond hair back, "You're in the hospital sweetie. You had an accident. Can you tell me your name?"

"Alile." She said, sounding so shy.

I miss Alile. More now than ever when I think about Angel's little Conner... but, that's only half of the story of Alile. There is so much more, but at that moment, I wasn't able to think of any.

Because I saw *it*. That... that little, chubby, hand holding that little baby pig that hoped up and down over grave stones.

I stood up, tense and alert, watching and staring. When I saw her, my eyes filled with tears as she looked at me, recognizing me immediately. Her little brown eyes filled with emotion, and she smiled brightly at me.

"Mommy..." She whispered, little demon amber eyes aglow...

Oh, Alile... I could save from dying in that hospital bed, but I couldn't save you from that blood...

--------------

Have you ever noticed that the most critical moments of your life happen in slow motion? It's true. I've experienced this several times. After I slayed my first vampire, making love to Angel, sending Angel to hell, letting him feed of me--especially, and etc and etc.

Well, I wouldn't deny that I was having one now. I had absolutely no time to react. In a rush of preternatural strength, Alile had me on my back, her tiny body locked on top of me, and in a movement that shocked me, I gasped... she was openly sobbing into my shirt...

Oh, God, Alile... I lift my hands up and they fall into her hair. My little baby vampire... I can't believe she was actually alive.

See there's more to this secret treasure that I sooth with my hands and soft shushes. I had visited her the next day, and she had seemed as right as rain. She was lying in bed, or rather, sitting up in bed, gazing out at the afternoon sky. I had smiled, walking towards her with a smile, "Hi."

She turned, "Oh, hi! What's that?"

She had immediately spotted the gift in my hands, so I figured I'd give it up to her. I had walked towards her, and placed the plushed baby pig into her little hands, "It's a gift." I told her, "I have his daddy at home."

"This piggy has a daddy?" Alile asked me, "What's his name?"

I smiled, "It's Mr. Gordo. I didn't name Mr. Gordo's son, so I'd figured you could do it."

Alile to the moment to really think, which gave me time to take her in. She did look very better. A little pale, probably from the lack of sleep, and she had this odd thing about keeping the blinds closed. Her nurse had said it bothered her eyes. Probably from being asleep for so long.

"I know." She said with a little giggle, "I'll call him... Mr. Gordo Jr."

I couldn't help but smile at the name as I made a place for myself at the side of her bed. She took a great liking to Mr. Gordo Jr. She started to talk to me about how she liked to play with dolls and stuffed animals. Then she told me about what her doctor said, and she started to sniffle. She knew about her parents, but she was keeping up such a straight face...

But she soon let go and launched herself into my arms. I had stroked her hair, rubbed her back, and listened to her horrible body shaking sobs. The sobs of a child, to me, are one of the most horrible things you can ever hear, and the first thing that you want to do, is to take that sob away. To brush the child with love, and make a smile appear across their tiny faces.

"Sorry..." Alile said, rubbing her eyes and yawning.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, "You know, Christmas is coming up... do you want a cookie?"

"A cookie sounds good. I am kinda hungry..." Alile perked up, "Okay!"

I smiled, "Okay. I'll be right back." I had traveled to the cafeteria and glanced through their selections of holiday goodies. I saw gingerbread, chocolate chip, raison, and then I saw something I knew she would love. It was one of those plan, do it yourself cookies, a sugar cookie. For some reason, I knew she would love it.

So I bought it and some red and green icing, and made my best artwork. I drew her baby pig using the red, then I gave him a green bow and made a few green snowflakes in the background, before spelling her name in red as the outline for the cookie.

I had gone back to her room, a big grin on my face... until I saw her. She was looming over her nurse, standing on her feet on the bed, her little face scrunched up in confusing hunger as she drank down the nurses blood.

I had dropped the cookie then, and had rushed forward, Slayer reflexes in high gear. I had ripped the woman away from her, who got to her senses and quickly fled, screaming and yelling down the halls. I had pulled out a stake from my jacket pocket and raised it high.

I saw Alile's face. It didn't look like the normal, she had little amber eyes, and I could see fangs, but other than that, she looked like the little girl I had fallen in love with.

She blinked several times, and return did her brown eyes and her fangs grew back to normal child-like teeth. She looked at me, then at the stake, and then at her hands that were tinged with blood from her sloppy encounter.

Alile looked up at me, eyes already filling with tears. She looked at the stake and somehow knew, "Are you gonna kill me? I... I'm sorry... I didn't mean... I didn't want to... I'm sorry..."

I couldn't resist her than, moving forward quickly. She wrapped her little arms around me, her hospital gown just as light as she. I grabbed a hold of her pig and looked at her. She sniffled again, and laid her head down onto my shoulder, and then I heard the commotion outside of her room.

I don't know what possessed me to do it. Maybe it was the fear of losing this little child. Maybe it had been some crazy notion that I could actually save this child, but whatever the reason, I had taken her into my arms, than jumped out of the window. She had hissed, burying into my shirt as I took off. I ran and ran and ran...

Just like all those years ago, I could not resist my little girl now. She looked up at me, wiping her tears, "I'm sorry, mama... I... I didn't know you were here... I was looking for you but everyone in... in L.A. were so mean..."

I immediately grabbed onto her tighter, "Who did? Who hurt you?"

She looked up, "Oh... no one hurt me they just thought I was... weird..."

I sighed, standing up with her in my arms, "I should have never have left you alone... I should have done something..."

"Mama..." She says softly, "You said that you couldn't hide me in your closet forever... I probably wouldn't wanna stay in there forever... but you taught me stuff. I can take care of myself... you taught me what was dangerous and what wasn't..."

That I did. I sighed, looking up at the sky, "It's gonna be light soon."

"Yep..." She says, "Can I stay with you now mama? Is it okay? Or does grandmamma still live with you?"

I sighed, "Grandmamma is dead, sweetie."

A look of sadness crosses her angel features and she hugs me again, "I sorry mama..."

"It's okay, honey." I say, pushing back the memory of my mother, "Why don't I take you some where? I have some friends who would probably like to meet you."

"Really?" She says, eyes all a glow, but not in the preternatural way.

"Really," I say, walking out of the graveyard, "Just don't let them know about how you're half vampire, okay honey? I'll tell them."

"Okay, mama." She murmured, snuggling into my arms, "I love mama..."

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I hate the way my friends hustle and bustle over me ever since I returned from the dead. They act as if I'm fragile crystal. So far, Alile hasn't. I know she can tell I have though. She can smell death on me, that lingering scent that is my own death. But she doesn't say anything or act like it.

She acts as if I'm her mom. Even now, she's clinging to me like a lost little girl who needs her mother to protect her from everyone, when, in reality, Alile is more than capable of taking care of herself.

So, when I waltz in, a little unknown child in my arms, and I casually say, "Hi," to everyone before I pass them all and move towards the training room, I didn't expect them to react so slowly. As soon as I placed Alile onto one of the training tables so I can shrug off my jacket, everyone barrels in.

Alile doesn't seem to notice. She just reaches up, giving me that look that she wants to be carried. I take her in my arms, discarding my jacket. She's unusually tiny for her age, but then again, somehow her vampire blood has not only stopped her body from growing, but her state of mind. She won't be like that girl, Claudia, from those Anne Rice novels. She'll be a little girl forever.

"I smell vampire." Spike says, sounding somewhat upset.

I have to remember to beat the snot out of him later on. "Are you sure you're not just smelling yourself? And may I remind you that I have a child in this room?"

"Yeah, but the question is why?" Xander asked.

Blunt as ever. I wonder if he took lessons from Cordelia and that Anya is now Blunt 101, the college level.

"She needs me." I reply, looking her over. I'm checking for cuts or bruises and she knows I am. She smiles, "I'm okay, mama." "Good," I replied.

"Have I gone insane?" Xander asked.

Anya shrugged, "I doubt it. If you had, then it would have been from a sexual disease or something like that. You don't look insane."

"Look," I said, checking my wallet for cash, "All you need to know is that she needs help. I'm taking her to Angels as of now."

I felt Giles go into serious protective father mode, and I couldn't help but feel thankful that he's still here. That my dad's still here with me... "I don't suppose I have to tell you that you're act rather rash, just telling us this."

I walked towards him and outstretched my hand. He sighed, reaching into his pocket and placing the keys to his car into my hands. Smiling, a whisper a thank you, while the others are looking even more confused as I walk out.

"Why do you have to go?" Dawn asks, "Where are you going?!"

"Are you really gonna go all the way to Dead Boy's place?"

"Uh, we'll take care of whatever will happen! You can count on us!"

"You'll call, I hope?"

I turn around and smile at Giles. He knows me better than I thought, "I will." I say, before leaving.

I drop my darling into the front seat of the car, making certain that all the windows or up. Last time I saw Alile she was only partially sensitive to the light. I get into the car and start the engine. Alile looks at me, "Are we really gonna see an angel?"

"Yes, baby." I say without looking at her, "We are."

-------------- The ride to a long time. I had changed the radio from Giles Radio, to Buffy Pop. I was in the mood for Alternative Pop/Rockness, and I welcomed the poppy noises that echoed through the car. I heard that song again. It was by that new girl who plays the guitar and rocked out at the Bronze a few weeks ago. Her lyrics bother me though. I guess its just too close to home

"Turn it inside out so I can see

The part of you that's drifting over me

And when I wake you're never there

But when I sleep you're everywhere

You're everywhere

Just tell me how I got this far

Just tell me why you're here and who you are

'Cause every time I look you're never there

And every time I sleep you're always there"

I can't help but really get sucked into the lyrics as I glance at Alile who had lost it a while ago. She's snoozing, baby sort of snore escaping her throat. And when the next lyric hits me, it really does hit me hard.

"'Cause you're everywhere to me

And when I close my eyes it's you I see

You're everything I know that makes me believe

I'm not alone

I'm not alone

I recognize the way you make me feel

It's hard to think that you might not be real

I sense it now, the water's getting deep

I try to wash the pain away from me

Away from me"

God, and I can't help the image of Angel filling my head. Him with his baby. My baby is going to meet his baby. Maybe mine isn't so much blood related, but she's mine in every other sense in the world.

"'Cause you're everywhere to me

And when I close my eyes it's you I see

You're everything I know that makes me believe

I'm not alone

I'm not alone"

I notice that I'm already in the city of Los Angeles, and that I spent the whole time driving at a pace of one human step per minute. I don't recall it as well, but I know more than once that I had pulled over for stupid reasons. I needed to get some sun tan lotion from a store, which was stupid cause it was December, but still, it was L.A. I had to go back because I needed to use the bathroom and get a sucker for Alile.

I must have visited that poor middle aged, balding man at least nine times. That was why I was so shocked by the sun going down as I pulled up in front of Angel's hotel. The one I had heard about but never really saw until now.

"And when I touch your hand

It's then I understand

The beauty that's within

It's now that we begin

You always light my way

I hope there never comes a day

No matter where I go

I always feel you so"

I step out of the car, taking Alile just before I lock the doors. The hotel looks so big and huge that even I feel same holding Alile in my arms. I can't help but wonder... what Angel is doing with his baby right now. Is he feeding him? Is he changing his diaper while Cordy comments on how much a baby goes to the bathroom when it doesn't have to?

What if he and the mother are... are sitting together right now. Playing with their baby boy and laughing... the perfect little family.

But I don't have time to wonder about that.

"'Cause you're everywhere to me

And when I close my eyes it's you I see

You're everything I know that makes me believe

I'm not alone

'Cause you're everywhere to me

And when I catch my breath it's you I breathe

You're everything I know that makes me believe

I'm not alone"

Because Angel steps outside, staring at me with eyes filled with something I would have once guessed was love... but now?

I don't know anymore....

"You're in everyone I see

So tell me

Do you see me?"

--------------

Explaining Alile was never a problem for me before because I never had to explain her to anyone. She's my breath of sunshine. She's my sweet little secret. She's my baby girl, no matter if she's half vampire at all. The thing is that she's mine.

But now, I'm sitting in the center of Angel lobby, with all of his friends/co-workers looking at Alile in my lap while Angel seems a bit distressed and worried about something. I think he's thinking Alile has somehow placed her all mighty thrall upon my poor soul or something worth saving that will make him appear noble in the end.

When he saw me, he told me that he didn't expect to see me so soon, which was a big blow to my already fragile ego, but I lived. He asked me about Alile, who she was, what her name was, and all I could say was that we needed to talk.

He invited me inside and I saw his... family. His own little family... like the one I used to be a part of but now I'm not too sure. I'm still different. I can feel it in my skin. In my bones. In my soul. My magick ridden soul... I haven't told Will, mostly because she didn't know my family history to begin with, but every since I came back, I've had these accidental magick excess. I'll be in a situation that I don't like and something freaky will happen. Like when I over heard Giles and Willow arguing about bringing me back and I had knocked over some glasses using my mind and how I had to explain that I was lost in thought and forgot about them. Or the time in the Magic Box when I was thinking about how everyone was treating me when the Magic Box sprung a sudden leak and it started *raining* inside of the building. And not outside.

I saw Cordelia, giggling with a African American man I can only guess is that guy... ah, I forgot his name but I know it has something to do with bullets and stuff like that. Wesley actually looks human with this strange new hairstyle and a brunette woman by his side. She and him were staring down at something in a cardboard box that was placed on a couch.

Conner.

Even now as Alile rests on my lap, I can remember still feel Conner. He's strong. Stronger than he seems. And is very much related to magick as it is with preternatural strength. I saw him, a mere glimpse, but I saw him. He's the tiniest thing I ever saw.

Cordy, ever the blunt mistress of my internal pain at Sunnydale High, does magick once again with her words, "What's with the kid?"

Grand, Cordy. Just grand.

I felt Angel's eyes on me, and he agrees with Cordelia, I can just tell. He wants to know. He wants to know why he's feeling strange energy coming from the girl in my arms. He wants to know who she is and why I have her.

This isn't going to be as easy as I thought it was. So, I set Alile onto the ground, who looks up at me curiously. I just smile, handing her Mr. Gordo Jr. She takes it happily and starts whispering to him all of her little secrets then makes him explore they unknown adventures under Angel's couch.

Poor pig.

But I digress. I sigh, trying to think of a why to do this. But I can't so I just blurt it out, "Her name is Alile. She's a vampire."

Most of the reactions I'm prepared for. Wesley looks shocked but very interested in what I just revealed. Cordy looks like she's ready to bolt or grab a cross or something `cause her hand is twitching a bit. The man I did not know, (Gunn, I remembered!) looks confused and just confused. The woman, Fred, is a bit antsy but I can almost see the calculations that go through her head. She's doing that Giles thing. Trying to figure this out.

Angel's reaction... is different. He doesn't say anything. Just stares. "She's not all vampire..." He murmurs. Good. He knows. That way I don't have to kick his ass if he touches a single golden strand on her head.

"No... she isn't." I say, looking at her, "You always said that I didn't know all about you Angel... I guess this proves you don't know me as well as you thought you did..." I sigh, "Alile was... a girl I met at a local hospital here, when I still lived in L.A. She was orphaned in a car accident and had lost a lot of blood. I went outside to wait for the blood to be delivered, but I met up with a bunch of hungry vamps instead. I came, I slayed, and I saved what blood bags I could. There were two of them. One was perfectly healthy, but the other one had been... attacked by a vampire, just around the top, but it was enough to change her...

"I guess the blood was contaminated, because she started showing signs of a vampire. I came back the next day, after her transfusion, only to find the pretty little girl sucking the blood out of a nurse. I knew she wasn't human then, but she wasn't entirely vampire either... she... she gets demon eyes and fangs, but other than that, she looks like a normal girl. She gets her share of cravings, but from the time I spent with her, she would always let me know and I would give her blood from the butcher.

"When I found out I was moving to Sunnydale, I told Alile that I would have to leave her. I couldn't keep her. She wasn't a pet I could lock up in my closet and hide from my mom. So... I said goodbye. She cried and cried and told me she loved me, but I left. Because I knew I had to. She knew then how to take care of herself. I showed her what she needed to know. She's special, Alile. She can withstand sun most of the time, has this fondness of crucifixes, and even played water paints with the holy water I brought home one night... but... last night she came back and..."

God was I really this tired? I had a hard time keeping my eyes open.

"And she found me... I was hoping that you could help her Angel... she... she doesn't say it or want to, but she still wants to learn about what she is from someone who at least is a bit like her, and..."

"Mama?" I heard Alile say, but I was already gone.

I slip into sleep. Right there.

Oh, well.

--------------

Did I mention that fainting is so not my thing? Well, it isn't. I woke up the something deathly chilly, more like snow when I thought about it, against my head while there was a slight rustling in the background.

I groaned, pushing away whatever it was that was hurting my head and shot up straight. Bad thing. I winced loudly and here came the parade of colorful cuss words. I whined, before lying back down and then opening my eyes, only to see Angel looking down at me. He pulled back some and then I found Fred and Gunn also hovering close by.

Uh... pain... sucks...

I think I said that out loud because Angel chuckled and pulled away an ice pack. He rubbed a suddenly tender spot on my forehead, and I groaned feeling sick. Blah, this stinks!

"You fainted." He says.

"That's a new one." I said, "I should remind Giles to put that one in the books. No. Wait. On second thought, screw that. I don't wanna be known as the fainting Slayer."

Angel doesn't seem amused, "You've been out of it for a long while."

"How long is a while?" I asked.

"About six hours, thirty nine minutes, and... seven seconds." Fred said.

Great. I have another Willow yet to blossom. Of course, I'd prefer the `mid-way' Willow then the one I have now. Mid-way Willow was the one I had in my Senior year at high school. We didn't have one argue then... now we fight almost all the time. Its scary...

"Fun." I said, taking my time this time to sit up. I'm in a room, one of the hotel rooms, by the look of that sort of queer fifties wallpaper, "Where's Alile?"

Angel touched my hand, "She's okay. She's in the room next to this one, sleeping."

"Oh..." I sighed, "Mmm... did the sun rise yet?"

"No." He said, sighing, "Buffy... you're gonna have to tell me more about Alile... I don't understand most of it..."

"I love her." I said, "That's all anyone needs to know."

Angel looks a little surprised, but not much. Why shouldn't I love Alile? She's my baby... what about your own, Angel? What about your little baby? Your child? Don't you love Conner just as much?

I turned and saw my little child running into the room, screaming "Mama, mama!" Over and over again, she launched herself into my arms. She spent her time giggling, and smiling up at me, just so happy that her mama was okay.

Now I dare someone to look at Alile and not feel your own heart to swell up and burst at the sight of her. I glanced down at her, to see her eyeing Angel. She's not sure what to make of him. She's curious though. I think she can tell that he's a vampire and just might be contemplating if she should ask me about him. I recognize that look.

Its the look I gave Angel the first time I saw him.

Angel notices Alile's perceptive gaze, and gave her the same look he gave me. A knowing, smart-ass look. Alile doesn't like it and turns away from him, hugging me closely.

I can hear her murmur into my chest, "I don't like `em mama."

"Why not?" I ask, running my hands through her spun silky hair. And it is really, with the strength to bounce back with great grace.

"He's looking at you funny..." She mumbled, "Don't like him looking at you like that..."

"Sshh..." I say, picking her up and standing, "Are you hungry? When was the last time you ate?"

She looks sheepish, "I didn't eat for a long while."

"Then why don't we go and get you something, hmm?"

"'Kay." She murmurs, and I just know she's giving Angel an evil looking glare.

Always protective of me, even though she knows I'm much stronger. I guess its not just a vampire male thing...

--------------

I'm sort of glad that Alile is as old as she is. She's technically supposed to be around ten years old, maybe older, but she still looks the same age as before.

Angel, on the other hand, isn't so lucky. He's an absolute wreck, not at all the way I had pictured him. He's soothing Conner the best way he knows how. He's holding him in his hands and I can't believe how small his baby really is. His baby is so small that he fits into Angel's big hands perfectly.

Alile seems wary of the baby, probably because she likes being the center of the attention and can't stand the constant wailing.

Sighing, I set the warm cup of pig's blood in front of Alile. I kiss her forehead and tell her I'll be right back and to just drink up her blood. She nods and starts to, little amber eyes a glow.

I walk out of Angel's massive kitchen and realize that Conner's cries were just a mere echo to his actually wailing. And the sight I see is amazing. Fred's teetering on the edge of her sanity, putting on that calm face that Willow uses when she's actually furious. Gunn's making faces at the baby, probably scaring the little infant to death.

Cordelia looks ready to throw her pen that she's tapping wildly against her desk at Angel's head. Serves him right, screwing that vampire he dare calls a woman. And Wesley looks rather... ill. I don't think he's used to the sound of crying babies.

Angel's face is priceless. He's giving his son one of the most pathetic and pleading looks I've ever seen. If I wasn't slightly pissed off at him, I would help him.

But I don't.

I watch... and watch... and then I feel sorry for the baby and walk forward.

Without a word, I shoo Gunn and Fred away who look at me strangely. I gently pull the infant away from the Angel, and he seems weary and tired.

I don't say anything to him, but I hold Conner gently in my arms. I shush him gently, rocking him ever so slightly in my arms. I place one of my fingers close to his mouth and immediately he latches onto it, calming down greatly, "Poor baby..." I murmur, "You got a big pair of lungs on you, huh?" He's not sobbing anymore, but I can hear his little baby hiccups.

Conner's little eyes are dancing and I think he's trying to find my face because I'm softly singing to him, humming. He suckles at my finger for a while and then lets it go to let out a big yawn. Poor baby... he cried himself into exhaustion... but sometimes that's what you have to do when you have a cranky baby. You let them cry themselves out.

Conner's eyes have grown so heavy that I can't help but notice how adorable he really is... oh, Angel I'm so gonna kick your ass for having such a beautiful baby...

Gently, I kiss his head and I can hear a baby gurgle escape his parted lips as sleep reaches him. Sighing, I move towards what I assume is Angel's desk and place Conner back into his sorry excuse for a cradle. He makes a soft sort of whine noise before snoring away. I rub his baby feet that are hidden under his powder blue blanket before turning back to see Angel and his crew looking at me weirdly.

I don't say anything. Just leave the room and see that Alile is finish with her blood. I great her with another kiss to her forehead, "I told you I would be back." I smile, then take her cup away and wash it. I shake off the loose droplets of water from the cup than set it aside.

Turning around, I give out a tiny yell, then growl, slapping Angel's arm, "Gosh, you jerk... when the hell did you turn into a Xander?"

"Sorry." He said, not sounding sorry at all.

I sigh, "It's okay."

"How'd you do it?" He asked me.

"Do what?" I ask innocently.

He looks annoyed, "How did you get Conner to calm down?"

"Oh, that." I said, grabbing Alile and hoisting her onto my hip. She smiles and starts to make Mr. Gordo Jr. dance over my abs, "Nothing... just... motherly instincts, I guess..."

Angel seems to want to say something, but he doesn't get a chance to say it. Because the first thing I hear is a crashing sound somewhere outside of the kitchen, Cordelia's scream, and then the shout that scares me to death.

"Where's the baby and that girl vampire?!"

--------------

I can do magick, but I don't.

It sounds simple enough, unless your thrown into the situation I was just in. It was almost as if the room exploded. Demons littered in, armor coated, sickly dark colored brown.

I grabbed Alile and ran into the other room where Conner was and placed her there just as Angel started fighting and telling his team to get their weapons.

I took Alile's head into my hands and held her there, "You stay with the baby, okay, Alile? You have to protect him, all right? Don't worry about anything else, just make sure Conner is okay."

Alile nodded, glancing around, and then screaming at something over my shoulder.

Whirling around, I caught the large blade that one demon was going to use on me. I pushed back and the butt of it landed into its nose, causing it to break. I slammed my foot against its gut and it did a twirl falling back, just as another attacked me. I manage to take its sword away and I slash him across its chest.

I continue doing this for a while and take a few seconds to see how the others are doing. Gunn and Wesley are blindly going into battle, Gunn with an axe and Wesley with a heavy sword. Cordelia and Fred are backed up together, using some crossbows, one shooting after another as they take turns shooting and loading.

Angel's doing better, and I notice is technique of grabbing a hold of their heads and snapping their necks. I just started using that move around the time Angel left me and then I stopped for a while.

Well, might as well do it. I grabbed the one on the floor, took its head into my hands and turned harshly until the snapping sound reached my ears. I was about to attack the one on Angel's back when I heard the baby crying and Alile's shouts.

I spun, seeing Alile in the corner, gripping the box where the baby lied on the floor. A demon hovering over her. Without thinking, I launch the sword at him and it hits the beginning of his spine. I watch as he hits the floor before hurrying towards them to check if they're okay. Conner is wailing and Alile looks so frightened.

I look back to the battle and it doesn't look any better...

I know I could probably take out twenty of these guys but... there are far more than that...

I have no choice.

I lifted baby Conner from his box and took Alile by the hand. I rushed towards the center of the room where everyone was suddenly boxed into.

"Take Conner and go." Angel says.

"No." I reply, holding Conner.

He kills another demon, and looks at me with his vampiric visage. I ignore him, "Just keep them away and form a circle around me."

"Wha--" Cordelia starts.

"Don't worry. Just do it." I said, looking at Angel. Trust me Angel. Please. Trust me.

He seems to understand the look in my eyes and does just that. I see the others following, but are tentative and almost ready to fall back.

I close my eyes. I haven't done anything like this for so long, but I know it's in me somewhere. I call upon what I want. What I desire, what I need to do to protect.

I protect people.

I will protect these children.

"Mama?" Alile asks, scared and frightened as she clings to my arm. She wants to know what's going on. What's happening. What's happening to me. I know that something is growing around me, something strong and powerful that tugs at my calling, not only as a witch but also as the Slayer.

There is a tremble in my body as I feel it pour out of me. I can't help but bite my lip as it goes on. I can't hear anything but this shivering sound and I realize that it's me.

My heart is beating. Faster and faster... but it doesn't slow down at all... My breath is erratic and my skin feels as if I have a fever. So feverish...

Then my heart stops. If only for a rare second and I can't breath. That's when my eyes open and I hear a load explosion that tears but does no damage to the hotel at all.

It ripples and runs and jumps about. Pumping the rarest of my energy into the room until I can't stand anymore.

I can hear again, and my heart feels normal...

There's a tug at my arm and I see Alile looking at me worriedly. I realize that I'm sitting on the floor, Alile crying a bit. I look down and look at Conner.

Little bugger is asleep...

Mmm... that sounds good...

Sleep...

--------------

I've done my fair share of bitching in my time. Most of it was because of women problems as Xander calls it, and the occasionally swore and bruised Slayer... but using magick? Sheesh... I'll never bug Will about it again... of course, I'd love to tell her that I am sort of stronger than she is, but I won't cuz I'm her friend, but I'm getting off the subject.

Point is... I'm sore... very sore...

Opening my eyes alone hurt a lot...

Oh, hi Angel... what are you doing looking down at me like that! It was hidden magick exposure time or rotting in pain and dying time! Sheesh!

Wait a second... I didn't say that out loud...

I guess I can't talk...

Ah, might as well go back to sleep... he won't mind...

I wanna stick my tongue out at him for looking all worried as I drift off, but I can't.

Did I mention how much magick alone takes out of me?

--------------

I had a weird dream. I was trying to take a bath, but everyone kept interrupting me. First, Xander and Anya wanted to know if they could have sex in my tub. So I sentenced them death by not getting any. Next, Willow started whining about how her magick is so important that Tara should except her. I snapped my fingers and she exploded into tiny frogs. Finally, I was about to take my bath, and Angel, draped in a nice fluffy towel, was about to pull my robe off, when he stopped and looked at me.

It was weird, because at that moment, I heard nothing. It reminded me of the time with the Gentlemen. Only it was much more eerie with Angel staring at me the way he was. He tilted his head to the side, then gestured to the white door.

I was confused, but he took my hand and led me towards it. He pushed me forward a little, and then I found the courage to open the door. That's when Angel put his hands on my shoulders and pushed me forward.

Alile held Conner in her arms and smiled... and for that brief moment... she looked human...

--------------

"Ow!" I shouted as I woke, something had jabbed me in the side.

I opened my eyes, only to see Cordelia with a other end of an arrow, which I had little doubt she had just used on me. I glared up at her, "What?"

"You're a witch." Cordy said, almost in a fearful way.

"Cordelia." Angel's voice snapped. I sat up and turned to see Angel holding Alile's hand and holding the baby with his other hand.

Wow... did I miss something? I started to stand when Alile started rushing towards me and then started shouting, "No, mama! Lay back down! You had a fever!"

"A what--"

"Soosh!" Alile said, pushing me backwards. I shrugged her off and got to my feet. She glared up at me, then started to push me towards the couch until I sat down with a frown.

I glanced around the area. No demon goo... hmm... "So..." I started, gazing at Angel's family as Alile moved to sit in my lap, "what'd I miss?"

Cordelia huffed again, and I have little doubt she was going to give me an ear full when Angel stepped in front of her like he used to do to me, stopping me from doing something he knew I might regret. He talked to her and she and the rest of his crew left. She seemed piss.

Good.

I never really liked her.

Angel sighed, then turned to me, giving me that look again. I shifted in my seat as Angel moved to sit down beside me.

I glanced at Conner who was chewing on his fingers and looking up. At Angel or the ceiling I wasn't sure, but this was a way to distract myself from him and I was willing to take it.

"The demons just disappeared." Angel said softly, "As if they were never here..."

"And here I thought I did something wrong." I said, patting Alile on the head.

"Buffy..." Angel said, almost in a pleading tone, "Please don't play with me. All lot has happened... so quickly, even now when I think about it... just tell me..."

"Cordelia's right." I said, and that's a surprise. Never thought Cordelia would ever really be *right*. I looked back at Angel, "I'm a witch."

Angel looked down at his son.

I sighed, heavily, "I'm sorry I never told you. I just didn't want--"

"Ssh." Angel said, touching my free hand with his own free hand. He looked into my eyes, "I don't care how you got to be a witch or why... I'm just grateful you saved my son, Buffy."

I stared, "You love him, don't you?"

"He's all I have left." Angel said.

I bit my lip, "Of Darla...?"

He looked at me, "No..." YES! "...of my hope... for the future. If Conner can live on... that's all I want..."

"Oh." I glanced down at Alile, "So... mind telling me what happened?"

"Big colorful magick explosion." Angel said, "Dissolved everything demon..."

I nodded, "Good, everything... wait, oh, gawd, everything demon?! Then how are you... Alile..."

"We're both fine, Buffy." Angel said, "We're okay."

"How though?" I asked, almost frantically, "Was it painful? Did... anything happen to Alile?"

"No." Angel said, "Buffy, listen to me. It dissolved what was demon... it didn't touch what was human."

"What... I don't understand." I nearly shouted at him to spit it out. Did I hurt him? Or Alile? Was he lying to me again?

"Its so weird Buffy." He said, almost tearfully, "Its... its just me in here." He said, taking his hand away from mine and gesturing to his head, "He's not here... not with me... but... but I'm still a vampire..."

I blinked, almost as if realization washed over me, "A vampire is just another being... its only what it makes out of itself that decides its destiny... it doesn't matter if there's a demon or not..." I silently cursed myself, "I learned that a long time ago... with Alile..." I said, brushing her bangs.

"You have no idea..." Angel started, "What this means for my son, Buffy... he could have been something... something evil... but, now... its like he's been cleansed... and what this means for me..."

--------------

Alile went to sleep. It seems the first time in ages, but she did. She slept on the couch, Cordelia, Gunn, and Fred, wearily watched her, while Wesley went to go pick some singing demon guy up.

I picked up the phone and called home... and then remembered why I had practically run away in the first place. Willow's worried, Giles is grateful I called, and Xander is... Xander. I talked to Dawnie the most. I told her about what happened, and she said not to worry, that it would be fun for her to explain things for once.

I agreed.

Almost an hour later, I went up the stairs to go see Angel, only to find him laying in bed, little baby curled up in that box on a soft, thick mini couch near the windows. I gotta get that kid a damn crib.

And I was going to buy one, too. Maybe I should take the baby shopping... the thought of me and a baby is... well, its kinda nice...

I walked towards baby Conner, just to check up on him, and found him nibbling at his fingers again. I smiled down at him, and I think he saw me, and looked up.

Little eyes looked up at me, and then I saw him start to coo and wiggle a bit, before he started to gnaw at his fist again.

I wonder if he's hungry...

I glance around his little make-shift crib thingy... bottle... ah, there you are. I'm almost surprised that he got one at all. I shifted, taking Conner into my arms and then settled the bottle to his lips. He started sucking immediately, closing his eyes and trying to reach up and grasp the bottle for himself.

Damn... its hard staying mad at such a cute thing...

Its probably the curse of the Angel line. I bet Conner will be a cute little thing... hmm... might be scary... Angel still a vampire when his son reaches his age... I wonder if they'll look the same.

I think little Conner past out.

I take the bottle away, and it falls from his little lips. I smile... his little mouth is wide open... reminds me of Xander... eew... I hope this is a Darla inherited thing...

Great, Darla. That's just who I want to think about right now.

Bitch.

Conner better not be like her. If he is, I can just kiss loving this baby goodbye...

Sighing, I walked towards Angel... and then it was as if everything went blank... things happened by themselves.

Tentatively, I touched Angel's cheek, rubbed the slightly roughen silk until I noticed him moving into my hand. But I didn't do anything to stop my hand... it just... moved lower...

I sat beside him, running my hand down his neck, and it tensed for a moment, before going slack under my hands. It was as if he suspected me of biting him. Hmm....

Without a thought, I leant down and kissed that little spot behind his ear, and then I felt him let out a gasp and then he tensed.

Uh-oh...

I knew I'd die again...

--------------

From what I just did, what came out of my mouth was the last thing I'd ever thought I say in a moment like this. Where I'm practically on top of Angel, most of my top pressed against him, my face very close to his own, his eyes, brown and dusty.

"Do I smell human to you?"

He looked startled and rolled to his side, getting out from under me and sitting up. He looked at me, all bare chested and ... rather yummy... ah, and he scratched his head, as if coming out of some sort of daze.

"What?"

"Do I smell human to you?" I asked, much more softly and much less bluntly.

"You..." Angel swallowed, rather visibly, "I don't smell anything human..."

Ouch...

"I smell the Slayer..." Angel murmured, "A witch... but, y'know what I smell most of all?"

I shook my head.

He leaned forward and held my chin in place, "Buffy."

And then he kissed me.

Mmm... lips. Lips are good... no wait. I take that back. Not just any lips are good, his lips are good. They fell softer than his own skin, warmer, and almost much more sweeter. Confident hands roll up and down my arms, cross over my collarbones, and then gently start to weave themselves against my neck and into my hair.

And then I'm reminded.

That feeling.

That feeling that I couldn't feel when I came back. That feeling that I swore I could feel when Alile, Dawn, or even Giles was near.

Love.

Real love.

I felt small, hovering feel of love for Dawn. I felt my heart break for Alile and I felt slightly warm when Giles came back from England.

But now... now I feel... God, I actually *feel* loved... and I realize how much it hurts...

I pull away suddenly, panting and crying and I feel it. I feel what its like, having these feelings roll around inside, play their own little war within my heart... I feel it... God, I feel it...

I feel it...

I don't know when Angel's arms wrapped around me or when I was suddenly brought into warm arms, but I was.

I feel...

I don't know when it happened and I didn't care as I started to shed my clothes. I don't know how long it took them to fall to the floor, how long we kissed, or how long I closed my eyes during the whole thing...

I feel...

Before it happened, I opened my eyes, and saw his expression. That blissful, otherworldly look in his eyes that I could feel from his body, to the very depth of his soul...

And I was grateful for his shoulder burying my face into it as it happened, he returning the favor, as if concerned someone outside would hear us, or let alone wake baby Conner up... but it doesn't matter much to me at those precious moments, because of one thing...

I can feel.

--------------

I woke up some time later, and I felt... guilty... but I felt so whole that I just couldn't care. I stretched out, sighing as I turned over and then my eyes stared hard.

Angel wasn't here.

Oh God.

I got up quickly, dressed, and ran towards Conner's box. He wasn't there.

Oh Shi--

"Buffy?" Said a voice.

I whirled around, only to see what I feared.

I backed away, "A... Angel?" I asked, nervously, all the warmth in me suddenly gone.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

I shook, "Please... please don't tell me... that you killed... Conner, cuz, if you did, can you just... just... do it fast when you kill me, okay?"

He looked horrified, "Buffy, I would never kill Conner."

"What?" I said, looking at him.

A strange look passed over him before he moved towards the bed and sat down. He gestured for me to follow, patting his lap. I gazed at him, then thought quietly of what I had to lose. Nothing at this point...

I moved, and I sat on his lap, if not tensely.

"Buffy." He said, his arms suddenly winding around me, "I told you before... you have no idea... what it feels like... to be all alone up here."

I jerked around and stared, "You... you mean...?"

"Safe as houses." Angel murmured, kissing my temple softly.

I started to cry. But this time, from relief and then another revelation went through me. I felt... I could feel things! Not... not just what I felt before, love. But in those short moments from when I woke until now, I had felt fear... terror... anguish... lost... hopelessness... and then I felt relieved... joyful... grand... as if I was...

Living again...

"I love you." I whispered between gasping sobs, my smile so big I thought my face would break.

"I love you." Angel replied, leaning to kiss me.

And then the sharp cry of a baby boy went off and Angel sighed, turning away as the wail of the little guy went on and on.

Angel looked at me, "I took him down so Cordy and the others could watch him... I had hoped we could..." A gleam glittered his eyes, "Busy ourselves... without worry about waking him... I guess he woke up by himself."

I chuckled, kissing him before hopping up and helping him stand as well, "C'mon. I want to see him. I think we should go shopping."

"Shopping?" Angel questioned, "For what?"

"Conner." I replied, "He needs more than just a baby blanket and an old, ratty box."

"That box is not ratty." He protested.

"Yeah, right." I said with a smile.

God, it felt good to be alive.

--------------

When we got down the long stairs I was greeted with two surprises. One, there was a great, green demon wearing a Gucci suit, talking casually with my little Alile, and second, Willow was there, talking to that Fred girl.

Okay.

I can handle this.

Angel seems to notice my uneasiness, and just like the protective warrior of Buffy's fragile mind, body, and soul, he takes my hand and kisses it, giving me that look of his with his eyes. As he does this, I can hear Conner letting out another one of his monstrous wails. I hurry inside, greeting Willow with a hug. Can't help it. I'm full of bubbly luv and I'm damn well gonna spread it around.

Fred tumbles towards Angel and lays the little prince into his arms. Conner seems a bit more persuaded and gives little baby hiccups again. Angel, ever the slightly unpredictable and ever broodish, does something I'd never thought I'd see. He brings Conner up to his face, kisses his forehead and begins to rock him. I've never seen Angel with Conner, in the sense of just being father and son and its beautiful.

"Mama." Alile calls up to me.

"Hi honey." I say, stroking her unruly hair. I should get her a brush and some clothes, too. That is, if we ever get out of this busy hotel. It's hard to believe that such a small group of people can keep each other so busy.

She curled up against me like a baby kitten. "You okay?" I asked her, wrapping my arms around her as she rested against my legs. She nodded, and I began to comb her mop of hair.

I glanced up, "So... what's going on?"

"Conner's fussy." Angel murmured and I suddenly realized that he was beside me.

"Ahem." The green demon rubbed his throat, staring at Angel who seemed to have lost himself in baby Conner. He glanced up, "Oh, uh, Buffy this is Lorne--"

"Angie-kins!" Lorne cried in mock distress.

Angie-kins?

"Or the Host, Lorne, this is Buffy. You've already met Alile." Angel finished.

Alile stiffened against me. I looked down at her. She gazed up at me, then glanced at Angel. I noticed the way her button nose was flaring. She was... smelling something?

"Mama," Alile murmured quietly while the others were still chatting away as normal. Passing by us, plucking out food and passing random demon books. It almost seemed normal. Alile brought Mr. Gordo Jr. up to her face to hide her whispers, "You smell like him!"

I blushed, then gave out a startled gasp at Angel's sudden bark of laughter that not only scared me for a second, but also made me want to slap myself. He was *laughing*. And it wasn't stupid giggles or forced ones, it was just laughter. Laughter at something that amused him so much. He rocked Conner who had burped up his own little coos and maybe that's what had been wrong with Angel when it came to Conner. Maybe Conner needed Angel's affection, not his time.

I glanced around, still blushing at the small, inside joke. They all seemed confused and rather disturbed but Alile was giggling suddenly and glancing up at Angel with some kind of adoration. Was she warming up to him? Uh... I hope it didn't have anything to do with me... smelling... like him.

Or the other way around.

"We were planning on going shopping," I blurted out, to whomever, I don't know. Just to say something to ease the ugly red of my face.

"Shopping?" Cordelia perked up.

Right, when there's money involved Cordy's at the front of the line.

"For the kids." I clarified, "I can't go another day knowing that Conner's got a box for a bed, not to mention that the world has created these wonderful contraptions called cribs. Albeit the baby stroller."

Angel glared at me; I smiled sweetly, "And you know what else we should do? We should get you a big old T-shirt, a white one, that says `World's Greatest Vampire Daddy!' Yeah, it'll look so cute!" I teased him, running my hands over his dark shirt, "And we can get Conner a little vampire cap blanket thingy. And he can have hanging bats, and, oh, you know what else we should get? Baby walkie-talkie thingy's. You know so you can listen to him if you ever put him in a separate room. Oh, oh! Get him his very own Angel Jr. wardrobe. Y'know? He can have his own black leather pants, well they won't be actually leather pants, we can make them velvet or something, y'know, cuz he's just a baby and babies are sensitive to stuff like that. Oh, and you need to buy a vid-camera. So you can watch Conner and when he's a grown up you can use it as black-mail with his girlfriends-- not that he'll have more than one or anything but--" I saw the way he was staring at me, "What're you looking at?"

--------------

The shopping spree was like Louis and Lestat showered Claudia with gifts. Yeah, yeah, Anne Rice's world is rather cliche compared to mine, but I always liked Brad Pitt as Louis. Made him appear really... Angel. Maybe Angel secretly met Mrs. Rice and inspired her... nah.

As soon as we hit the shops, I couldn't stop myself from plucking out every single article of clothing. They were all so adorable! I got Alile several skirts with red; she makes red work for her. I got her mostly blue stuff though. Conner, on the other hand, I picked out so many wonderful articles of clothing that Angel had to drag us away. Of course, I was smart and advised Angel to go and buy the basics for Conner before we bought clothes and such for them.

Alile had been very good. She had listened when I told her to do something and not to do something, she was quiet and hardly disagreed with what I picked out for her. I think she was just grateful for the clothing.

When we got back though, we found the hotel in a small state of chaos. In the quiet sense. They were all nose deep in demon books. That was new and really, really frightening considering Cordy looked really into it and I didn't expect it.

And we were having a really good day, too. Alile had gotten along with Angel great! She had held onto his hand, smiled up at him, pulled at his hand when she saw something that she was curious about. Conner had been a good little baby, too. We never did get his wardrobe but we did get some cute stuff. I couldn't find Angel's shirt so I figured I'd just make it myself with some sparkly glue and a big white T.

Anyway, back to what was happening. Conner was asleep in my arms when we came in. Angel had handled every bit of things we had bought like a man--only a vampire one. So, what was up with this picture.

"What's going on?" Angel asked for me.

Fred took the role as the barrier of bad news, walking towards us and showing us a piece of really old looking parchment on a rock. She pulled it off and handed it to Angel.

I watched Angel glance at it, "What is it?" I asked.

"It's part of a prophecy." Angel said.

"We were planning on going to a movie--" Fred started, "But before we got out the door we heard something break upstairs. Gunn and Cordelia went upstairs and came back with that. It also came with a small note typed in Courier New font. All it said was `Use wisely'. Wesley checked the streets for demons, but we didn't find anyone."

"How do you know it's a prophecy?" I questioned.

"It's got ancient writing." Angel replied, "It's either a prophecy or some sort of spell."

"That's what we're trying to figure out," Wesley informed, sipping what I can guess is British tea. That or really bad coffee because he grimaces after he tastes it.

I looked up at Angel, "Should we be worried."

"Calm down." Angel said, placing his hands onto my shoulders.

"I am calm." I lied.

"We'll find out what language it is and we'll figure it out." Angel promised.

"Right, no need to fret." Wesley started.

"Then why are all of us working on this?" Cordelia snapped, "I think we deserve a break."

"Why don't you all go to that movie." Angel suggested, "We can take care of the kids and work on the prophecy or spell or whatever it is."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Gunn started, sitting up and stretching out a bit.

"Yeah," Fred started in a fidgeting voice, "What if we get another demon attack?"

"I'll stay." Willow said, volunteering.

"You sure, Will?" I asked, "You've been researching, too."

"I know," She replied, "But I'm used to it. Plus, if I don't do anything that'll involve me movin' around, then I don't know what I'll do. Besides, I can help with magic."

I shifted uncomfortably. Will doesn't know... oh boy.

"Thank you, Willow." Angel said, "If you're gonna go see that movie, why don't you head out now? It'll be a nice exercise."

Conner wiggled and soon I saw that he had woken up and was looking around the room curiously. He let out a long yawn and started wiggling towards me, snuggling against my chest.

"I think he's hungry." I murmured.

"How about we help you with all this stuff before we go?" Fred suggested.

"Okay." Angel said.

Conner made a small whining noise before he started to scrunch up his face sadly. Oh, yeah, he was hungry all right. The last time we fed him was almost an hour ago.

He started crying.

"Oh, poor baby." I shushed him, stroking his cheek.

"I'll make a bottle!" Fred said, hurrying off into the kitchen to do so while I handled Conner. Angel kissed my temple, "I'm gonna go upstairs." Gunn grabbed a box that was Conner's new crib while Wesley grabbed the baby formulas and new bottles, "Help them out."

"I'm gonna go with him, okay, mama?" Alile asked. Her eyes were full of hope as she wrapped her arms around Angel's neck from behind when he bent down and started collecting things.

"Okay." I said, watching as Angel glanced at her.

"You have to hang on, okay?" He started. Alile nodded, hugging him before he stood. Alile squealed, hugging Angel tightly. He started up the stairs with ease, Alile's giggles filled the air.

Conner let out another hungry wail.

"Ssh." I hushed, "It's okay. You'll get your bubba."

--------------

Alile feed then went to sleep right afterwards along with Conner. Willow put them in the room next to us and stayed in there to search for the prophecy and to also look out for any unwanted demons.

Which left Angel and I alone.

Which lead to--

"Mm." I murmured against his lips...

Its hard to concentrate when such a gorgeous creature is nearly sucking the life out of you with nothing but one pair of beautiful, wonderful, amazing... yummy lips...

"Angel--" Oh, okay. Stop, no wait, don't. Okay, but I need to talk to you Angel! If you could just move a bit away from there--

"Angel." I gasped, pushing him away. This was... very, very good, but I needed to talk with him. Speak with him. It was important.

"What?" He asked, concerned. Beautifully concerned. He's always worried about me and I seem to come first almost with everything. God, he's...

Okay, back to kissing! I seem to have no real will of my own when he's near. I couldn't stop myself from kissing him when I thought about how wonderful he is. He's Angel and he's wonderful and he's courageous and beautiful and kind and innocent and oh, so warm!

"No!" I gasped, pulling away.

He looks hurt now.

"No!" I shouted, throwing myself back into his arms, "No! That's... no, that's not what I meant, I... oh, God, no."

He's smiling, bright and big and almost goofily but the light in his eyes still tells me that he's still my broody Angel because that is who he is. That's who he's always been, whether he realized it or not. His hands are on my hips. The man's hands are running, tickling, drumming there and playing with the small of my back.

"Where are we?" I asked, trying to ignore him with the best as I could, "I mean, I'll admit... when I came back, or at least before these few days, I was.... a complete wreck. I mean, I was like... catatonic. But then, Alile came and you and Conner... All of it just-- it woke me up. What I'm asking is, where does this leave us? I mean... sooner or later I have to head back to Sunnydale. What happens then?"

He looks so damn pensive. Why can't he just... blurt things out like I do? I think its probably a vampire--no, no, wait, its an Angel thing.

"Do we have to be something?" He asks.

I stare at him, "I don't wanna be your little screw toy. Wait, that's not fair, sorry... I just... I need comfort right now."

I watched him a moment as he seemed to quietly gather his thoughts. His hands played a small game of circles before I grabbed them. He looked back up at me.

"I love you." He said, his expression honest and meaningful.

I leaned forward and kissed him.

It was all I really needed.

--------------

The prophecy took longer than either Angel or I expected, so I was due back in Sunnydale really soon. Willow had gone ahead after copying a few lines of the prophecy for Giles to try and translate. On her way out, I had blurted out that I was a witch. But she had just laughed and said that I was being to harsh on myself.

Okay, so she didn't quite get it.

As the days drew near, more revelations had been made. Besides admitting that Angel and I could boink as many times as we wished, every which way `til Sunday, (ironically the day I had to leave) another relationship was revealed. Turns out Fred had this weird thing for Lorne and had confessed her crush for him. This sort of, basically came out of the blue and had shocked the vocal cords out of the green demon.

Fred's been nervous ever since. Lorne has yet to respond and his little singing lounge has been oddly booked for the next few days.

Angel and I have agreed to do the long distant thing. I knew it would be hard, but the fact that we're practically parenting children now, makes it even more difficult. But we both agreed to visit whenever we can, with the children. Just until the final... whatever happens.

Alile has started calling Conner brother, which I thought was the most cutest thing in the world. Whenever Conner would start crying, Alile would go over to him and ask, "What's wrong brother, why are you crying?"

Ah, it was wonderful...

"Buffy?"

Oh, and did I mention I was currently in bed with my vampire lover after one of our best boinking sessions ever? I didn't? Well, I am.

"Hmm?" I responded, pulling his arm closer as it lay across my side and curled near my abdomen.

"Nothing." He murmured against my ear. "I... just wanted to see if you were awake..."

I rolled my eyes, "Angel, as much as I've took great enjoyment in our alone time, I am only human. I can't just pop up and go--"

Laughter. He's laughing at me! My face colors slightly... I do have some shame, thank you!

Pulling me closer, he utters more, "No, no. That's not what I meant. I really did, though... I wanted to know... are you happy?"

Am I happy?

"Am I happy?" I echoed, before turning around. I hold his face in my hands and kiss his lips softly. "Believe me... I am. Things may not be the greatest and life may get a little crappy from time to time, but I am happy. Ecstatic. Overwhelmed."

A sigh against his lips, "I love you."

"I love you." He said.

"Mm." I smiled. "Sleep, `kay? Just sleep."

He kisses me a few more times before finally settling down. I suppose it really doesn't matter. Doesn't matter what comes or what happens afterwards. It really doesn't.

All that matters is that we're together.

Always.

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