Disclaimer: Joss owns them, I merely spin these tales for my own pleasure
Rating: PG
Author's Notes: this is going to be a departure for me.I'm not changing ANYTHING in the Buffyverse to suit myself. I don't think I've ever really done that. So, kiddies, everything is the same.
Dedication: to ALL the people who send me feedback, good and bad. You have no idea how much it means to me!! Please keep it coming.and to all the people on my lists, you guys are the best!

Evil walked the night and as Buffy Summers glided through the cemetery she felt it crawl up her spine with icy fingers. Wondering absently if Glory happened to be near, she grabbed her stake from the back pocket of her pink leather pants and peered around a crypt.

"No need to skulk, Slayer. Just little ol'me."

"Spike" she snapped, turning to see the bleached blond vampire leaning indolently against a gravestone, smoking a cigarette with pleasure. "Would you please put out the cancer stick?" she coughed, waving a hand around dramatically.

He scowled, dropping it to the lush grass and stamping out the embers with one booted foot. "Never did thank me for helping you with that alien thing," he reminded her and she laughed.

"Thanks for screaming like a girl," Buffy scoffed. "What are you doing out here?"

"What do you think I'm doing? Looking for a fight, you know, that's what vampires do," he remarked with a toothy grin and pulled another cigarette from his pocket, sliding it behind his ear for later use. "In case you've forgotten.haven't seen you out patrolling much lately Slayer."

"Hospital time," she muttered, brushing a wayward lock of golden hair away from her face. "You know that. Besides, Riley and the gang have been taking care of it for me."

Spike blinked and took a step closer to her. "The Scoobies? Yeah, see 'em out here.but can't recall Captain Cardboard ever making an entrance," he drawled and her hazel eyes widened noticeably.

"Are you sure? Or are you just messing with me?" she questioned, holding up the stake threateningly. His hands went out in protest.

"Honest.Agent Boring didn't show his face at all," he confirmed and Buffy didn't even bother to hide her surprise. Scratching her head distractedly, she tried to think back to the last time she had really talked to Riley and realized it was quite a while ago.

"Well, I'm sure he had a good reason," she offered lamely, scuffing the grass with her foot, watching the patterns it traced in the mud. What was she supposed to say? She couldn't talk about this with Spike.she had to talk to her boyfriend.

Spike regarded her seriously for a moment. "How's your Mum?" he asked and her head snapped up.

"Oh.the surgery's going on right now.I won't know for a couple hours," she answered, and was surprised when he didn't ask her why she wasn't at the hospital. Perhaps he understood her need to kill, to hunt, and release her frustrations. Hadn't he told her, she wanted to dance? That she liked the fight, the parry, and the thrust of the stake. It got rid of the toxins in her blood, the fire under her flesh that couldn't be squelched. Faith had known the strength of that to, the secrets of being a Slayer that she herself hadn't even understood. Faith.that name brought pain. She wouldn't think it anymore.

"Anyway, gotta get going," she informed him, nodding as she whirled to go.

"Alliteration," he noted, and she spun back around.

"What?"

"I was a poet once- course they didn't have those fancy terms then--" he trailed off and shrugged. "Nothing, on your merry way."

And she was off, the demon that loved her gazing at her back wistfully.

~~~~~~

Opening the door to her house, Buffy stepped inside, wincing at how quiet it was. So very still and cold. Rubbing her arms, she closed a window that had been left open and went upstairs to drop her bag on her bedroom floor.

Crossing the room, she grabbed a little back sweater from her closet and pulled it over a lacy bra, deciding without much thought to wear a pair of cropped back pants with the outfit.

She didn't need make-up, just needed to tie her hair back in a messy knot and apply a touch of lip chap. Giles and Willow had been looking after Dawn at the hospital for a few hours now, and she wanted to get over there and relieve them as soon as she could. But first.her keys.

Wrenching open her bedside table drawer, she accidentally pulled it all out and the contents spilled on the carpet in haphazard piles. "Damnit." she swore, dropping to her knees to pick everything up.

~Always

As the word caught her eye, Buffy gasped softly and picked up the item that had on it written that word. A poetry book. The poetry book Angel had given to her for her eighteenth birthday. A rush of memories hit her, filled her head with yesterday.

~Then how come you seemed more exited last year when you got a severed arm in a box? ~

~I'm sorry, its just that there's a chance my calling's a wrong number.~

~Buffy, you couldn't be boring even if you tried~

~Angel, if I'm not the slayer, who am I? What do I do? Why would you like me? ~

~I saw you before you became the Slayer~

~I saw you and I loved you~

Pressing a hand to her forehead, she forced back the words, the voices drowning her ears with sweet sounds.Buffy felt a tear slip into the corner of her eye and visions again swept over her.

Dark eyes, the firelight.deep voice, easing my fears.~that's beautiful.or taken literally incredibly gross~ ~I know, I was just thinking that to~, strong arms, sweater beneath my cheek, so safe.never felt so right.

Another tear crept up under her eyelash but Buffy didn't blink. She let it come, felt the trail of fire down her cheek, the salt burning against her flesh. Then she got up, stuffing the book into the back of the drawer. I'll burn it later, she thought with conviction, grabbing the set of keys she had wanted and heading out the door.

~~~

"So she's in a.coma? What does that mean? For how long? Is she all right?" Dawn stammered frenetically, and Buffy soothed her with a hug, holding her close for a moment.

"She'll be fine, don't worry. We just have to be strong for her right now ok?" she told her sister, stroking her hair with a careful hand. "How do you feel about staying with Xander and Anya tonight?"

Dawn clung to her; "Where are you going?"

"Nowhere," the Slayer answered, "I gotta stay here.but Xander says that you can sleep at his place." She paused. "He really wants you to."

Dawn brightened for a quick second, "He does?"

"Yeah," Buffy replied tenderly, glad to see that slight spark in her younger sibling's eyes again. "And I think you should go.get a good sleep. I'll be there in the morning to pick you up, I promise."

Dawn considered for a moment, cocking her head to the side in concentration. "Okay, I'll go, but only if.you'll be ok without me."

Buffy's heart melted and she kissed her forehead, "I will. You go, eat junk, do fun stuff. Don't even think about me, ok honey?"

~~

The nights were long at the hospital. Buffy paced up and down the hallways, smelling the smells.medicine, stale food, antiseptic. She waited for any change on her mother, but there was none. The surgery seemed to have gone reasonably well, but she wasn't waking up. Buffy could tell the doctors were worried. Sometimes her lower lip quivered but she stopped it with a firm bite from her teeth. The blood surprised her in the mirror.

~~

She didn't sleep. Paced and paced and occasionally stopped for a coffee, which tasted so horrible she took one sip and threw it out. Giles came in at about three am, to lend her a comforting arm, but soon he himself fell asleep in one of the waiting room chairs. She didn't blame him. She would fall asleep herself if she could afford to.

~~

Buffy picked Dawn up the next morning and after dropping her off at school; went in search of Riley. Usually he would be sleeping at this time in the morning, usually with her.but that had stopped a few weeks ago.

Understandably, Buffy reasoned. She was too worried about her mother to think about sex. He wasn't at his apartment, so she checked every place she could think of, the gym, the basketball courts, and then even the bars. However he was nowhere to be found. Frowning, Buffy parked at the main cemetery in Sunnydale. She knew he wouldn't be here but she felt like she had to check at least.

Trekking across the soggy lawn, she stepped over graves, skirted around headstones and reached the first crypt. Grasping the door handle, she pulled it open. What met her eyes as she glanced inside was a sight she would never forget as long as she lived.

~~

Blood. That's all she could see at the moment. It pooled on the floor around the chair where he sat, dripping from his arm, from the mouth of the vampire who sucked voraciously on the open bite. Riley's face was pale, drawn, his eyes were closed, his expression fixed somewhere between pleasure and pain. The blood.it was dark, red, pulpy like freshly squeezed orange juice.orange juice with blood in it.she thought dully, felt her stomach heave.

She must have made a sound, because he looked up, sought her eyes in the darkness. "Buffy," he said without surprise, without feeling.

Whirling, she stumbled from the crypt, retching the contents of her stomach on the ground, which wasn't much. Soon she was dry heaving, unable to stop, her throat raw, her stomach ripped of any nourishment it might have accumulated.

She felt a hand on her midsection, but when she looked down, it was stained red. "Don't touch me," she warned her boyfriend, forcing herself to stand and look at him, avoiding the cut in his forearm, focusing on his eyes.

"What the hell were you doing?" she said coldly, and then stopped when his gaze brightened with something akin to insanity.

"What was I doing? You know what? I don't fucking know Buffy! Maybe I was trying to be what you want!"

Her lips curled in disgust; "You think that's what I want? How delusional are you Riley? You think I want a psycho for a boyfriend.someone who is obviously fucked up? IS that what you think?"

"No," he yelled back, "I think you want someone dark.like Angel," his mouth was a pained slash across his face as he said that name.

Her face darkened and she took a threatening step towards him. "Don't you dare bring Angel into this. He has nothing to do with it!"

"Oh yeah?" Riley challenged. "Well then how come you don't love me Buffy? I've given you everything but you still don't love me! Why is that Buffy?"

She could only stare at him for a moment, stricken. He laughed without humour and turned away.

"Yeah, that's what I thought."

And then he left her, walking away without a word, leaving a trail of blood behind him. Buffy stared down at the reddened, soggy grass and didn't cry.

~~~

"How is she?"

The doctor grimaced a bit and regarded Buffy. "She's.not doing well."

The Slayer's lips trembled, but she bit them hard, stilling the movement. "What do you mean, not well? Give me details."

He cleared his throat, "Well basically Ms. Summers, she's in a coma.it's not that her brain isn't active.but it will get less and less the more she stays in the sleep. And the longer she stays unconscious."

"The more likely is that she won't wake up," Buffy finished lamely, sitting down with a thump on the chair behind her. "Oh."

He patted her shoulder. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," she answered coolly, shrugging off his hand. "Can I see her?"

He looked sympathetic. "Of course, go on in."

As Buffy entered the room, she instinctively flinched away from the wires and machines connected to her mother, who lay still and silent on the bed.

"Hi Mom," she greeted her softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed and taking one cold hand in her own.

"Well the doctor says that you just have to wake up.so would you please hurry up?" she smiled, kissing her mother's cheek tenderly. "You know, a lot of people need you, like Dawn. She loves you so much. And so.do I," her voice caught. "I need you Mommy."

She shifted and lay down with her head on her mother's stomach. "Please." she pleaded painfully, "You.don't know it, but you were always my strength Mom. And with all this going on.I can't.I can't hold up much longer. It's selfish, but I need you to look after me."

Weeping softly, Buffy pressed her cheek to her mother's heart, hearing it beat, steady but a little weak. "Somehow you just have to open your eyes, do you hear me? It drives me crazy.but I can't help you this time. You have to do it yourself. Wake up, please," she whispered. "Mommy? Please, hear me. Don't leave me. Don't leave me alone."

~~

"Ms. Summers?"

Startled from sleep, Buffy sat up from where she had been laying on the bed next to her mother and said, "Yes?"

The nurse smiled at her gently, taking in her ravaged face and tear-stained cheeks. "There's someone here who wishes to see you."

Wiping her face, Buffy stood up, "Okay, thanks," she replied and with one last glance at her mother, walked from the room. Riley leaned up against one chair, looking vastly uncomfortable.

She didn't say anything, just stared at him, waiting for him to speak, not even sure if she wanted to hear his voice.

"Well," he said quietly, and she shrugged.

"Well what? You're taking a break from being a vampire snack bar?"

His face tightened with anger, "Don't try and hurt me to make this easier on yourself."

She threw her hands in the air in frustration. "Why shouldn't I? You've made this all about yourself. Meanwhile," her voice broke slightly, "my mother is."

"But that's what this is about Buffy! You wouldn't let me close to you.I was never the person you went to for comfort about your mom.for advice."

Wide-eyed with disbelief she stared at him. "Are you actually saying these words? Could you be that selfish? IS that all you care about? That I'm not going to you for hugs? Oh my God." she finished with disgust evident in her tone and he grabbed her arms forcefully, forcing her to look at him.

"No, you know what's bothering me? Is that you would have gone to that fucking vampire," he sneered, "but you can't go to me."

"Do you really want to know the difference between you and Angel, Riley?" she asked wearily. "He would never, and I mean, never have made this about him. He would have been concerned about me. He would have held me, unselfishly.whenever I needed it. But you.you don't help with patrol, and you let vamps suck your blood. That is not helping in the least."

"Well I guess Angel didn't need to get blood anywhere else," Riley retorted coldly, "he had you for that."

She laughed for a moment and pushed his hands away from her. "You think that's what we did? That he sucked my blood for fun? Oh my God, Riley.the only time he did was because I had to save his life, okay?"

"I bet he enjoyed it, bet it got you both off," he scoffed and she slapped him full across the face as hard as she could.

"He did not enjoy it.I had to force him to do it. Don't you ever talk about me and Angel like that again. You don't know anything about us, Riley. And you don't even deserve to."

"Oh yeah, cause you and Angel.that's sacred I guess. Your whole dramatic relationship.like a fucking legend or something. But guess what, Buffy.it's not real. And you're not with Angel. You haven't been for a long time."

She nodded empahatically, "I know that. But I don't think you do."

"No, you know what I know? That you should be over, but you're not. You still love him. Why can't you get over him Buffy?" he snapped, his eyes filling with tears.

"Why can't you fixate on something else? Like your rampant insecurities? Admit it.this has nothing to do with my past boyfriends. This has everything to do with the fact that you don't feel like you're good enough."

His eyes exploded with rage, and he grabbed her, slamming her against the wall with brutal force. A doctor walked by and saw the scene, rushing over to call security.

"You bitch," Riley spat in Buffy's face, snarling almost like an animal as his fingers tightened on her flesh and she shrank away, frightened at his anger.

"I'd let her go."

Both Riley and Buffy whirled at the command and Buffy leant back, shocked at the sight. "Angel." she breathed, and her boyfriend looked down at her with fury in his eyes.

"You know," Angel said, almost conversationally, coming closer to the couple, "I kicked your ass once Riley and I don't have a problem with doing it again. Which I will if you ever, and I mean, ever lay another hand on Buffy again."

The ex-commando flushed with anger, and looked belligerently at the demon before him. "I think that's for me to decide," he said coldly. "After all, it's me who's her boyfriend. You're her ex."

Angel tilted his head to the side as if considering what Riley had just uttered. "Well I guess you're right about that part," he conceded, and then stepped closer and the boy saw the absolute fury burning in the vampire's eyes. "But you're wrong if you think those little facts mean I won't kill you. I will.and I'd make it last."

Buffy had heard enough. Stepping between them, she placed a hand on both of their chests. "That's enough," she snapped, "Can you please lay off it? I don't need this right now."

Angel stepped away immediately. He could sense the utter misery in her, and knew she meant what she said. Riley, however, did not. He took a swing at Angel, but his fist was stopped in a millasecond by Buffy, who caught it and twisted his arm behind his back.

"I don't think you heard me," she said calmly. "I said to stop it. Now, unless you want me to humiliate you right here by kicking your ass, get gone. I don't have time for you right now."

Shocked that she would talk to him like that, Riley skulked away, defeated.

Buffy sighed, turning to her ex-lover with a grimace. "Sorry about that," she apologized, urging him to sit down on one of the waiting room chairs.

"What's going on? Why are you in Sunnydale?"

He leaned back, rubbing his temples. "Drusilla's here," he said simply and she gasped.

"What? Oh, shit. Not what I need right now."

He nodded, agreeing with her. "I know. But that's not even the worst of it." his face tightened with slight pain. "She's got a playmate."

"Spike?" Buffy guessed. He shook his head.

"Darla."

Buffy stared at him. "Woah.no, not possible. Are you ok? You staked Darla years ago."

"This big evil law firm in LA brought her back.she was human, but Dru turned her. And now they're here. And there's only one reason why they'd be here."

"To kill me," Buffy realized, and slumped a bit. She wasn't at her best right now, and this wasn't what she needed. How could she look after her mother, Dawn, deal with Riley, fight Glory and take out Drusilla and Darla at the same time? It was close to impossible.

"Oh great," Buffy remarked and looked at Angel. He looked good, she thought irritably. Better than her. Of course he looks good, she told herself. He's a fucking vampire, they don't age.

He touched her arm gently. "I can help," he informed her. "If you want me to. Things seem pretty busy around here."

"Suppose you want to know why I'm at the hospital?" she inquired but he shook his head.

"Giles told me. I'm sorry Buffy."

She smiled, shrugged; "You didn't give her the tumour. You know, in some ways I wish someone had. Then I could kill them. Make them pay for doing this. But it was just.science.or something."

Angel nodded. "That frustration is the worst. Feeling powerless."

Buffy relaxed. He knew her. She had forgotten that over time. How well he could read her moods, guess what she wanted. How she was feeling, thinking.it was addictive, she realized.

Reaching out, he took her hand. And they sat, in the quiet of the waiting room, two warriors, old friends, old lovers, old enemies. They would fight, die if they had to, and try and resist what could never be. Their love.

~~~

The street was silent in the darkness. Buffy Summers rubbed her arms with cold hands, trying to stroke some heat into the numb flesh. A cold front had swept over Sunnydale overnight, baffling the weatherman, who wondered if there would be a reoccurrence of the snowfall, which had happened years ago.

~blue like the winter snow in a full moon
black like the silhouette of the trees
late blooming flowers lie frozen underneath the stars
I want you, to remember me that way~

As she gazed up ahead, instinctively searching in the shadows for possible vamps, she saw him walking toward her. They had agreed to meet in the center of town, after making a sweep for Darla and Drusilla. However both knew it would be a fruitless search. The lady vamps would make themselves known when they chose. They would not be hunted down.

"No sign huh?" he asked quietly when they reached each other and she shook her blonde head regretfully.

"Nope, not a one. Even paid Spike a visit. He didn't know, but I think he'll be going to find them."

They started walking back to the mansion, where Angel was staying for his sojourn in Sunnydale. "So," the vampire began slowly, "You and Spike.have gotten to be friends?"

Buffy laughed, and stepped over a branch that lay in their path. "You could say that I guess. He's got that nasty chip, so he can only fight demons. That's probably the only reason he hasn't tried to kill us all yet." She paused, considering. "In fact, that is the reason."

Angel smiled slightly and looked up at the moon, his alabaster skin glowing in the rich light. "Has there been any change with your mother?"

Buffy sighed, forcing herself to keep walking and show no expression. "No change. Still in a deep sleep. If she'd just wake up, then it'd be great."

He didn't answer, simply kept walking.

"I've been meaning to ask you," she began hesitantly as they neared the mansion. "How's Faith?"

If he was surprised, he didn't show it. "She's doing well. As well as can be in prison I guess. Healing, slowly. It's been ironically good for her.jail."

The Slayer nodded, thinking of her old friend. Her old enemy. The thought of Faith still hurt her, sent a pain through her belly, and up to her chest. It felt a little like poison. Or maybe like a knife in her back. She wasn't sure. Buffy didn't think of the other Slayer much. It was too hard. But when she did, she couldn't stop that over-whelming feeling of guilt from sweeping over her. She should have tried harder to save Faith, to reach her.

"You couldn't have helped her," Angel said softly, opening the door to the abandoned mansion, and ushering her inside. Buffy jerked with shock and walked up ahead of him into the huge room with the fireplace, studying the ashes with great concentration.

"I should have tried harder;" was all she uttered, in a dull voice. "Instead I tricked her, almost killed her. I stabbed her, Angel. She was my friend and I stuck a knife in her belly."

~to save you~

The words were unspoken, but they hung in the air, breathing between them, whipping around like a live wire. Tension in the room crackled, and Angel sighed heavily, sitting down at the hearth, placing some wood in the grate, and lighting a match. The flames danced, casting ghostly shadows across their faces.

"So how's Cordy?" Buffy asked, sitting down next to him, warming her cold flesh in front of the fire.

He smiled fondly, and she felt a rush of something akin to jealousy flow through her. "She's great." he answered, looking past her, at the wall. And she knew that he wasn't at the mansion right now, he was thinking of LA, and his life there. "She and Wes, can't do without them now. We're like this little family. It's sickening," he chuckled and she forced a smile, wondering where the days had went where she had been his family.

"What about." Buffy searched her memory for the name of the man she had met briefly. "What about Doyle? I think that was his name."

Angel's face tightened with a hint of pain. "He died. About a year ago, right after you came down to visit that time.yeah, it was hard. He and Cordy had gotten close. And he passed on these visions that he had , to her. She gets terrible headaches.I worry about her."

She didn't want to feel this way. Horribly jealous of his apparent feelings for Cordy. But she did. She couldn't help it. And she had no right to feel like she did. He had moved on, it was obvious, and she thought she had to. "I'm sorry about Doyle," she offered lamely and he looked at her with those dark eyes.

"It's not your fault. Just one of those things. He went out like a hero," Angel said bitterly, throwing another log on the fire, and Buffy watched the wood burn thoughtfully.

"Well.it's better to die a hero, than to die a coward," she quoted a line she had read n a book once. Those words had touched her. She could relate to them.

He nodded. "That's true. But probably everyone wishes they could be a coward once in a while."

She didn't answer that. How could she, when it was as if he was speaking the very thoughts she had kept hidden for so long? She didn't want to be a Slayer anymore. All she wanted was to be able to curl up beside her mother and make sure she was still alive, that she was still in that lifeless body somewhere. Buffy didn't want to have to worry about her sister being "the key"; didn't want to have to concern herself with that fucking bitch Glory, or with Dru and Darla being in town. Sometimes all she wanted was to lay down and sleep. But not just close her eyes and rest.she wanted to sleep the sleep of someone who didn't know that demons lurked in the darkness, someone who wasn't sure what a stake could do.who hadn't killed so many vampires they've lost count.someone who hadn't had their lover leave them. Someone who was innocent.

She sighed wearily, and hung her head a little. "How in the world have Dru and Darla been reunited anyway?"

Angel leaned back against the wall, stretching his tired muscles. "It's a long story."

"Give me the cliff's notes," she advised and he gave her his trademark half-smile.

"Okay.the abridged version.this law firm in LA brought Darla back. She started." he hesitated and then plunged on, "coming into my dreams."

Buffy stiffened but said nothing, and he continued. "Anyway, I realized she was human. So I didn't have to stake her again." He looked relieved as he said it, and for the first time, Buffy realized how hard it must have been for him to stake her in the first place, way back when. She hadn't thought much of it at the time, as she had not understood the intense bond between a vampire and their sire. But now, she got it. And it was daunting.

"She was trying to become a vampire again, and I couldn't understand why, until she told me that she was dying. I guess she had syphilis before the Master turned her, and when she became human again- it came back. I went to this karaoke bar-"

"Excuse me? Karaoke?" she repeated, and stifled a laugh. "You in a karaoke bar? Somehow I can't see that."

He looked offended and arched an eyebrow at her. "Hey, there's a lot about me you don't know."

He had meant it to be light teasing, but it shot straight to her heart.

But she bore it and shrugged. "I know. Continue, sorry."

"Anyway, there's this demon there that.well.if you sing, he can see into your soul. Give you answers. I got Darla to sing, and he.well he gave me an answer."

"Which was?" she asked, curious despite herself.

He gazed at her, as if trying to glean whether or not she could handle what he was about to say. "He told me about this trial.I could go through it and Darla would be granted humanity. There was three challenges. So, we went and I had to face this demon.then, a room full of crosses and holy water. So we got out and-"

She held up her hand. "Wait.you said there were three. What was the last one?"

He stared at her pensively, worriedly, and then closed his eyes. "The last one was that I had to die."

"What?" she exclaimed, "WHAT? Die?? Wow. Well, obviously you didn't do it. You're still here."

"Not exactly," he informed her.

"What do you mean? You're not all here or what?" she joked and he opened his eyes, gazing into the fire, studying the orange and red.

"No, I mean, that I accepted the challenge. I was going to die."

Buffy took that in, and felt a tear well in her eye. "You were going to die for her?" she asked painfully, turning slightly away from him.

Laying a hand on her arm, Angel replied, "Yes, I was."

"So you were willing to leave me.but you would die for her," Buffy choked out, shrugging off his hand, standing up and walking away from the warmth of the fire. She touched the stone wall, felt the coldness seep into her flesh once more. "Guess you must care for her very much." She couldn't bring herself to say 'love'. She just couldn't utter that word.

Angel stood up as well, but didn't approach her. "Yes, I do," he answered. "And it has nothing to do with you. You know that."

"I didn't think it did," she laughed without humour. It was a cold, dry sound. Not like her normal laugh. Not like warm sunlight, or a sweet melody. It was harsh, echoing off the walls like a cruel mockery. "I know nothing in your life has anything to do with me anymore."

He came closer, and she felt it, wanting to scream to him to stay back, because she was afraid she might scratch his eyes out, or hit him.or worse, let him hold her and take the pain away. "Did you think of me?" she asked in a small voice.

"When I thought I was going to die?" he inquired, then said simply, "Yes."

"Oh," she answered. That one word had said it all. She felt another tear settle into the corner of her eye and blinked it back. "So.what happened then?"

"The challenge was to accept death. Once I had accepted the fact that I was going to give my life for her's.they set me free. And they were going to help her. But since Wolfram and Hart had already brought her back, they couldn't. So she was resigned to die, and I was going to be with her throughout it. She was so strong," he smiled sadly, and Buffy's chest tightened with indescribable pain.

"Then Lindsey ruined everything. He's in love with Darla, you see, and he wanted her to live. Even as a vampire. So he brought Drusilla back.and she turned her. Right in front of me. I couldn't do anything, they had about five guys holding me back." he trailed off and Buffy turned to look at him.

"I'm sorry," she murmured, and his head snapped up.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," Buffy took a step towards him and reached out her hand, like he had done for her in the hospital. Surprise flitted over his features and then he laced his fingers through her's.

"It hurts," she said quietly. "When you can't help someone."

Angel nodded, bowing his head and squeezing her hand. "It does," he agreed, and they stood in the cold room, their hands joined, their hearts.alone.

~Far away, I'll be calling, "will you wait for me here"
how long?
I don't know
Will you wait for me here
Still as the river grows in December
Silent and imperfect blinding eyes
Spring keeps on promising
No cold can keep her back
I want you to remember me that way~

~~

"She what?" Buffy screamed into the phone as she listened to Giles' speak. "I'll be right over!"

Racing out the door off her house she jumped into the car and sped crazily all the way to the hospital, her only thought getting to her family.

Stepping through the doors to the hospital, she sprinted to the elevators, ignoring the shocked looks from patients and doctors alike. This was too important to worry about what people thought.

When she reached the door to her mother's room, she took a deep breath and then walked inside. Ignoring Giles and Dawn, she focused only on the figure lying on the bed.

"Buffy," her mother rasped happily and the Slayer pressed a hand to her eyes, wiping away the tears of joy.

"Mom," she reproached as she sat on the edge of the bed and took the thin body of her mother in her arms, hugging her tightly. "Took you long enough."

Joyce laughed softly, embracing her daughter with all her strength. "Better late than never hmm?" she murmured and Buffy giggled, tears streaming from her eyes as she finally felt safe.

~~~

"I just can't believe it," Buffy said quietly to Giles as they stood in the waiting room, letting Dawn and Joyce have a private moment together.

"This is such a relief."

Giles rubbed the bridge of his nose with his glasses and smiled heartily, "It really is," he agreed and touched her shoulder. "You must feel fantastic."

Buffy laughed half-heartedly, "Well except for the fact that I have two insane vamps on my tail," she groused lightly, and Giles frowned.

"That will be a problem.do you think Spike has had any contact with them?"

"Probably," she remarked, massaging one of her biceps with one hand. "I mean, I would imagine. Him and Dru go back a long way."

Giles glanced about worriedly. "You'll have to stake them both, you know," he informed her and Buffy grinned.

"I know, and I can't wait. They both need a good ass kicking. I also got to take out that uber-bitch Glory. No one sends a big snake after my sis and gets away with it!" she joked, and flopped down on an uncomfortable chair. Giles lowered himself into one beside her.

"That might be a problem.she seems to be a great deal stronger than you Buffy," he reminded the Slayer carefully and she shrugged.

"I'll have to catch her on a bad day then."

~~~

Buffy sat alone in the starkness of the waiting room. She wanted to go in and see her Mom, but the doctor's had insisted she get undisturbed rest, and Buffy wasn't about to jeopardize her mother's health. What with Dawn at Giles', Xander and Anya back at his place and Willow and Tara having dinner in the hospita lcafeteria, she really felt lonely. But really, she had nothing to complain about. Her Mom was awake, and that was all that mattered. Everything else was just a minor problem. Sure. That's all she had to keep telling herself

"Buffy."

It was soft, husky, deep. That voice. She looked up, saw Angel and smiled weakly. "Hey stealth guy. Patrolling?"

He nodded, and dropped gracefully into the chair next to hers, turning slightly to gaze at her with his dark eyes. "Your Mom's awake huh?"

She nodded, bowing her head a little. "She's fine. Knock on wood."

He smiled and then without another word drew her into his arms. Buffy relaxed, pressing her face into his duster, the cool, refreshing scent of him washing over her in waves.

She fell asleep right there in his arms, and he held her until morning.

~~~

"You have a good day at school honey," Buffy kissed Dawn's forehead, and watched her sister exit the car, walking happily into the huge white building. Her sister had been heart-breakingly sweet and helpful ever since their mother had woken up, and Buffy was so grateful she was there. Nothing and no one was going to hurt Dawn, she vowed to herself. She would have to find Glory. That bitch was really beginning to piss her off.

But first, Darla and Drusilla. The two vampires were laying low, which worried Buffy more than if they had been out blowing things up and generally causing chaos. Angel was back at the mansion sleeping, so she had no help at the moment, except Spike. She didn't care if she woke him.

Parking at the cemetery, she strode purposefully over to the crypt and without knocking, walked in, careful not to shine sunlight on the bed.

With distaste, she stared down at the couple curled up together underneath the covers.

"Wake up," she uttered loudly without preamble.

"I hope this is a joke, Slayer," Spike cracked open one eye and looked her up and down. "I'm not your beck and call bitch ya know."

"Have you seen Drusilla?" she asked, ignoring him and hoping she wouldn't wake Harmony. The last thing she needed was to listen to that half-wit blather on about whatever new purchase she had made that week. Spike sat up, reaching over to the bedside table and lighting a cigarette.

"Haven't seen her," he muttered, dragging on the smoke with pleasure. "And if I were you, I'd worry about Captain Cardboard. Word on the street is that he's joined the ranks of the blood-sucking,"

"Word on the street?" she imitated and he flushed angrily.

"You don't care that he's snogging the vamps? Whatever, blondie."

"He's not a vampire yet, Spike," she snapped. "And that doesn't matter anyway. Word on the street is that we're no longer an item, okay? If you see Drusilla, tell her.tell her I'm going to kill her. And it won't be pretty."

"Wait, Buffy," Spike called softly, and jumped from the bed, pulling on a pair of pants as he went. She turned and regarded him with something akin to astonishment, as he grabbed her arms and looked deep into her eyes.

"I'll help you, Buffy," he said quietly, without any sarcasm or rancour. "I will."

Buffy shrugged his hands off her and looked at him in a new light. "Spike." she began hesitantly, "What is this about?"

Blushing faintly, he threw his hands up in the air for dramatic measure and gestured to the door. "On your way then.can't a vampire ever be nice? All this suspicion.distrust," he babbled and she stopped him, pressing a hand to his mouth warningly.

"Look, Spike.I didn't kill you for trying to kiss me." She paused and then stared at him with a hint of tenderness in her eyes. "But don't go all sweet on me ok?"

He laughed harshly and turned his head from her's, not letting her see his face, the expression of hurt that wreathed his features. "I know.I'm beneath you," he threw the words back and she shook her head.

"No.but.the vampire thing? Not ever doing that again," she informed him, trying to spell it out plainly. "Besides.you don't really.do you?"

Spike bowed his head, shrugging his pale shoulders. "Would it matter? I know you'll always be his."

Neither needed to say the name, they both knew whom Spike spoke of. Buffy sighed and leaned against the cold wall of the crypt, playing with the hem of her black top.

"Speaking of that," Spike muttered, "I hear Soulboy's is in town."

"Yep," Buffy said without much feeling, thinking of the long night spent in his arms. She wasn't sure how she felt about that yet. They definitely had a lot to talk about. "Angel's back in the 'Dale. He has to help with Darla and Dru." She hesitated and then offered, "If you can get Dru to leave, Spike, I won't stake her. I have to do Darla, she's a threat to Angel.but Dru." She left the sentence hanging.

He took another long drag of the cigarette and the tip burned bright in the darkness of the room. "I might be able to convince Dru to leave. We aren't really on the best of terms though," he understated, and she laughed.

"Geez.and we all hoped you two would make it work."

"It's all a little hard when one person's in love with someone else," Spike muttered bitterly and she looked down at her booted feet, tapping them against the stone floor.

"I'm sorry-" she began to speak quietly but he held up one hand, smiling carelessly.

"Don't get all soft on me Slayer. Go.do the duty. I'll be in touch if Dru makes herself known. Do I get any cash out of this?" he inquired with a toothy grin. "Blood and beers, you know."

Giggling, Buffy gazed at him with disgust. "Nothing ever changes," she said mock-wearily, and gestured to the sleeping woman in the bed. "You actually with that dimwit?"

"I should have said blood and beers and sex," he remarked. "Gotta have all three."

"Oh, puke," she gagged and opened the door. "Watch out for the sun, Spike."

"YEOW!" he yelled as a ray hit him square in the chest.

"Told ya," she laughed and shut the door behind her.

~~~

The mansion was still and silent. If Buffy didn't know better, she would think no one was in residence. Going around the back way, she treaded lightly down the stairs, taking a quick second to smell the blossoms, which grew on the vines curling around the stone bricks.

"Angel?" she called softly and immediately he slid gracefully into the main room from the bedroom, smiling in welcome.

"I lit a fire," he gestured to the hearth, where there was a blanket laid out with some pillows. It looked so much like old times, that she had a difficult time not showing any reaction on her face.

"So," he began as he lowered himself to sit before the fire. "Did you see Spike?"

"Yeah," she replied. "He's going to contact us if he sees Dru. I told him if he promises to take her away or get her to leave then I won't kill her. But Darla." she paused. "I have to stake her."

Shaking his head, he stared her down. "I can't let you do that Buffy."

"She's a vampire Angel. She deserves it-" Buffy trailed off as she realized what she had just said. "I'm sorry.I didn't mean."

"Yes you did," he answered softly. "And you're probably right. But I can't let you stake Darla. There has to be some way to help her. A spell or something. We could curse her with a soul. That would work-"

"You're babbling," she informed him quietly. "It's my duty to stake Darla, Angel. And I'm going to do it. Whether you like it or not."

"I won't let you," he told her firmly. "I won't."

Burying her face in her hands, she cried, "Well what are you going to do? Hit me? Kill me? To save Darla? Is that what you want? Are you choosing her over me now?"

He grabbed her arm, forcing her to look at him. "I am choosing," he emphasised, "to save someone's soul. That's what I do."

"Don't you see that you can't save her?" she yelled at him. "Don't you get that? Why do you care so much Angel? After all she's done? She made Angelus! You killed her once.to save me," she murmured painfully. "What's so different now?"

He sighed heavily and let go of her, closing his eyes. "I would stake her in a second.to save you, you know that Buffy."

"No, I don't," she insisted hoarsely, "Cause you left me.but you were willing to die for her."

"I'm willing to die for all my clients," he remarked blankly. His eyes flew open when he heard something crash. Buffy stood before him, the remnants of a now broken table in front of her.

"DO YOU REMEMBER?" she screamed at him, tears streaming down her face in torrents. She made no move to wipe them away, simply stood her ground, like an avenging Goddess out for blood. "DO YOU?"

He got to his feet in a flash. "Remember what?"

"Remember me!" she shouted at him. "Are those two years we spent together just a footnote in your big huge history Angel? Cause I'm beginning to think you don't remember the things that happened in this room."

He cut her off, slashing his arm in the air to stop her. "Don't remember?" he growled, "you think I don't remember you? I remember everything Buffy. I remember the first time I saw you.so sweet and innocent in the sunlight. I remember your seventeenth birthday.you lying naked beneath me.I inhaled your scent and nothing else mattered.do you know what you smelled like that night? Like vanilla and rain and fear. You smelled of the sun, of love.of trust. I remember the next morning.you crying, saying you loved me. But I." he paused, "I crushed your heart like it was my personal plaything. I remember kissing you that day. Without any love.without any sense of tenderness. I remember, as Angelus, drawing you, sketching your picture. He was obsessed with you Buffy. Just like me. I remember when you sent me to hell.that look on your face, full of such misery. And I can still recall my thoughts the moment before you thrust that sword into my belly. I was thinking, "Her lips are so sweet.I love her.more than anything else in the world. Now we can finally be happy. It's over. I can make her happy". I deserved to go to hell, and even though I block them out, I recall the years spent down there well." He paused for a moment, watching as she desperately wiped her face free of tears. His voice got softer as he continued. "I remember coming back.your initial unease.but soon.we fell back into things. It was inevitable. And I loved it. How could I not? It was a taste of the purest heaven. But you know what I realized Buffy? I don't deserve heaven. Not after all the things I've done, the atrocities I've committed. But you do. All you've ever done is help people, and you deserve to walk the day, deserve to be with someone worthy of you. That's not me. And I had realized that long ago, but fought it. The day I stopped fighting.was the day I decided to leave you."

"I hate you," she choked out, holding her stomach. It burned with the force of her sobs, and she wanted to double over and gag. Pain spread over her breasts and belly like a poisonous bird, opening it's wings with the sole purpose to smother and destroy. "I hate you for not.thinking you're worthy, when you are. But most of all I hate you for leaving me.because I've never been the same."

He didn't answer, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall as he watched his beautiful blonde love force herself to stand upright.

"You know, Angel.you may not think you're worthy of heaven.but I do. I always will. I love you," she uttered softly, coming closer to him. "And until you realize that's all that matters."

He looked at her, his mouth twisted into an expression of extreme misery. "I can't let myself hurt you," he murmured helplessly. "I'll die before I'll hurt you."

"Well then why aren't you dead yet?" she asked coldly. "Because you've been killing me for two years. Couldn't you hear me screaming for you? Out there in LA? Couldn't you hear me? I thought I was calling loudly."

He cried into his hands, sobbing fully now, and although it broke her heart to hear him, she wouldn't approach him this time. "It's too hard.I love you too much," he sniffed, wiping his cheeks with his fingers and turning away from her. "You could never understand Buffy."

"I understand that I'm tired of the guilt trips. I'm tired of us being apart when we both know.that we'll never be happy this way. Okay, so you wanted me to have a normal life. Yeah well, I have it.and its not working. My boyfriend couldn't deal. He's gone all fucked up in the head. How do you think that makes me feel? It's my fault you know. He knows I don't love him.that I still love you. That I'll always love you."

Angel looked up. "I'm sorry," he offered, and said, "You know I love you to."

"I know," she breathed, leaning back against the wall and studying the fire. "But you still left. You still left."

~Time races on, I'm on your side
but carrying you, my engines die
I'm in the mood for you, or for running away
All the stars come down in you
And love, love, love
Oh you can't give it away, inside you, the time moves
she don't fade
The ghost in you, she don't fade
Away~

~~

As Buffy sat by her mother's bedside at the hospital, absently stroking her sister's brown locks, she contemplated getting up to fetch a coffee. The more she thought about it, the more she wanted one. Her mouth started to water, imagining the taste, and finally, she abandoned her post by the bed and walked out into the hall.

The hospital was so gloomy at night. She had come to realize that the more time she spent there. Loneliness pervaded the walls, as did the scent of death and misery. Shivering, she rubbed her bare arms and approached the coffee machine.

Slipping four quarters into the slot, she was rewarded with a cup of hot coffee that tasted horrible and was just what she needed.

"Buffy."

It was Riley. That she knew before she turned around. But she didn't particularly want to talk to him, and seriously considered walking in the other direction without a word. She sighed, whirling slightly and facing the earnest man who had been her lover for the last year.

"Riley," she acknowledged quietly, sipping the coffee methodically. The rhythm soothed her.

"I know you probably don't want to talk to me right now," he surmised and she nodded.

"You got it in one."

Obviously uncomfortable, he gestured to the chairs in the waiting room. "Could we please sit? Talk."

She sat, taking another large gulp of coffee and burning her tongue in the process. "So.no available vamps tonight?" she said calmly. "You've come to the wrong place if you think I suck blood."

He leaned back and closed his eyes, gathering strength. "I'm sorry about the blood thing Buffy." he apologized and then laid a hand over hers. "And I'm sorry to say this.I'm going back with the Initiative."

She laughed dryly, felt her eyes burn with the need to weep. "So that's it?" she inquired, staring at him. "Is that all I get? A half-assed apology and a 'Sorry honey, but I'm rejoining the psycho government operation that nearly got me killed'?"

Riley squeezed her hand. "You can't really tell me honestly that we would have worked out."

She shrugged helplessly. "Maybe. Maybe not.but you're obviously not going to give that a chance huh? Well, see ya later then. And don't let the door hit you on the ass on your way out of my life." Standing up, she tried to walk away but he grabbed her and pulled her back.

"I'm sorry Buffy." he murmured, raking a hand through his hair. "But you never loved me.and I can't live like that. I just can't."

"How do you know I never loved you?" she snapped angrily. "Can you see inside my head? Can you? You must really have superpowers."

Almost gently, Riley brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes. "You don't love me Buffy."

"Okay." she muttered desperately, "Maybe I'm not in love with you.but I care about you. Do you think I would have been with you this whole year if I didn't?"

"I think." he began with a wry smile, "that if Angel had ever come back proclaiming his love, you would have left me in a second. And I'm all right with that now. I used to not be, but I've accepted it, and that's why I'm leaving Buffy."

She laughed without humour, the sound cold and lonely. "God, you really must think a lot of me.to think that I would leave you if my ex just strolled into town. What am I to you? Some sort of slut that just sleeps around? What is wrong with me? Why do guys leave me?" she asked, her eyes wide and bright with tears.

"I don't know Buffy," he kissed the top of her head gently. "But I know why this guy is leaving you. Cause he was tired of being second best. Let me ask you a question.and I want an honest answer. Would you ever have fallen in love with me?"

She stared at him, stricken with the question, and didn't say anything.

Smiling sadly, he touched her face briefly. "I guess that's my answer. Goodbye Buffy."

And then he was gone. And once more, Buffy Summers was alone. Just a girl. Standing alone.

~~~

With morning came the sunlight. And with the sunlight came healing. Buffy knew that Riley had done the right thing. And as she was driving around town after dropping Dawn off at school, she said a silent Goodbye to him. He had been a very important part of her life, but one she had always known couldn't last. How could it? He belonged to the day; she belonged to the night.

Sighing, she forced herself to keep driving, wondering where she was going. No sign of Darla and Drusilla was a bad sign, and she didn't even want to think about what they were doing. Glory had been incommunicado lately as well. Obviously she was cooking up a new scheme for Dawn. Finally, Buffy decided to do the inevitable. She turned the car around and headed for the mansion.

He was so beautiful in sleep, she thought, running her eyes down the marble-like perfection of him, taking in the dark lashes framing his cheeks, the luscious beauty of his mouth.the symmetry of his milky pale body.

Why did it always come back to him? She didn't know, and the question frustrated her. She truly did not want to love him anymore. She would adore it if she could wake up and the burn for him.the one that existed deep down in her belly, would be gone. If it vanished, and she felt nothing but emptiness when she saw him.there might finally be peace.

But she knew that could never be. They had been through so much together. So much apart. Could they ever reclaim what they once had? Did she even want to anymore? Sometimes she could barely even remember the time when they had been lovers. Sometimes her head ached trying to remember.

She was so tired. So weary of life and love. So exhausted from looking after so many people. From saving the world and never getting any thanks for it.

//Why do I even fight anymore// she wondered, kneeling beside the bed, continuing to study Angel sleeping. //What is the point of all of this?// She supposed the point was to keep going. That's all she had to do. But sometimes she wondered where the end was. She recalled Spike telling her that sooner or later "you're going to want it". Was he right? Did she unconsciously wish for death to snatch her, to put an end to the fight? //Maybe I want to die so I won't have to give up// she thought, reflecting as she played with a piece of the comforter her ex-lover lay on. She never wanted to give up. She was the Slayer. She knew her duty. To fight, and bleed and never cry. To help the world and accept that the world was not going to know. That the world would never send her a thank you note.

Lying down on the carpet by the bed, she eased her aching muscles, rubbing them with care. Curling up in a ball, she felt the presence of Angel wash over her. It calmed her and excited her at the same time. But it always made her feel safe. //And that's all I want// she thought drowsily, yawning softly. //To feel safe.to have someone look after me//

~~~

"Buffy?"

Opening her eyes required a lot of strength, but she did it, blinking as she stared at him.

"Yes?" she asked, realizing that she was lying on his bed. He must have moved her there sometime during the day. She couldn't tell if it was night or not. "Oh God, Dawn!" she yelped and shot out of bed.

He restrained her with a hand and smiled. "It's all right. Giles picked her up. She's at the hospital, entertaining your Mom."

Buffy moaned. "How could I have been so stupid? Falling asleep like that."

He tilted his head to the side and regarded her seriously. "You do know that you have to sleep Buffy?"

"Duh!" she snapped, and winced, "god that was old lingo."

He gave her his trademark half-smile. "I wanted to wake you up-just to tell you that Spike's been in contact with Dru. Finally. I guess she came by. Was not happy about Harmony."

"I'll bet," she uttered wryly, following him into the main room and accepting the coffee he handed her. "What did she say? Was Darla with her?"

"No," he replied, sitting down at the hearth and resting his elbows on his knees. "Spike said that he started to talk to Dru about leaving, but she's very adamant that they're going to kill you this time."

"That'll be the day," Buffy groused, pacing up and down the long hall pensively. "I wish they'd just make a move so we could get this over with."

"Yeah," he murmured thoughtfully. "I called LA. Cordy and Wes seem all right. But I worry."

She turned and looked at him for a moment. "You guys are close huh?"

He nodded, his eyes lighting up. "Yeah, we are actually. It's strange. That I'd be close to Cordy. She's changed so much.well.not that much," he amended, laughing softly. "But she's gotten to be such a solider. And Wes is great. Knows all the useless bits of information that somehow becomes useful at one point or another."

Buffy stared at him as he spoke. He really had a life there. It was hard for her to comprehend. For all the time he had lived in Sunnydale, she had been his life. It hurt to know that she wasn't anymore. Even though she had known it,being faced with the naked truth was hard to swallow. "Well that's great," she muttered. His head snapped up and their eyes locked.

"What?" he asked, and she sighed, stopping her pacing for a second.

"I guess.hearing you talk about them like that. It's strange. But good," she hastened to reassure him. "I never expected you to really."

"Find anyone in LA?" he finished. "Me neither. But I'm glad I did. I needed help."

She nodded, and resumed walking up and down the hall, taking sips of her rapidly cooling coffee as she went. "Are you.dating anyone?" she inquired casually.

He was silent for a moment. "Would you want to know if I was?"

Buffy felt her heart stop beating. Wildly, she wondered if he knew CPR. //Of course he doesn't you fool!// she screamed to herself. //He's a fucking vampire, they don't have breath!//

But then she started breathing again, and her heart began to pump blood, and the room righted itself. "Are you?" was all she could choke out and he shook his head, staring at her over the rim of his coffee cup.

Buffy let all her breath out in a whoosh and then whirled to face him. "Then why in the hell did you make it seem like you were?"

"I wanted you to know how it felt," he told her honestly, raking one hand through his tousled hair. Buffy saw red. Different shades of it. And all of them dark.

"YOU WANTED ME TO KNOW IT FELT? WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?"

Startled by her shouting, he glanced up and said guiltily. "Well I'm human Buffy.sort of," he amended. "And I.wanted you to feel what I feel. When I see you with Riley."

"FOR your INFORMATION," she yelled furiously, "Riley and I broke up! And you have no right to want to hurt me that way! It was your choice to leave me.so FUCKING deal with it!"

Angel flushed with rage and stood up, facing her down. "Do you think I wanted to make that choice?"

"Well I don't know!" she laughed, throwing her hands up in the air. "You made the choice to die for Darla! You made the choice to hit me to protect Faith! It seems like I come dead last on your 'who to save' list these days Angel!"

"I was trying to save you from me Buffy!" he shouted and she went still as he raged. "I've tried to save you from me so many times.but you never listen! You just keep coming back.why do you do that Buffy?" he wept. "I only ever wanted to protect you."

She felt helpless and weak suddenly. "I know Angel." she murmured, and he wiped the tears from his cheeks.

"It's always pain with us," she observed, despair etching her words and he nodded.

"I know. I was trying to spare you that. When I left."

"And look how well that turned out," she said dryly, wanting to laugh hysterically at the irony of it all. Angel had thought he was leaving her for her own good, but instead he left her with more pain then ever. And that was the thing that he really hadn't realized. Not yet. But he would. She knew that. The question was, would it be too late?

"I'll never move on," she informed him softly, truthfully. "That's not who I am .but someday.you won't be able to come back anymore."

His eyes burned her. And he said nothing. Because he had already known.

~~you say don't fear your dreams
it's easier than it seems
you say you'll never let me fall from hopes so high
but never is a promise
and you can't afford to lie~~

~~

Exiting the mansion, Buffy crossed her arms over her chest, rubbing the cool skin with her fingertips. The heavy scent of the night blossoms blooming on the trees filled her nostrils, as did the smell of danger. She knew that well. Where was it coming from?

"Slayer."

Buffy whirled and her face whitened. Stepping from the shadows, Darla glided around her, her leather skirts swishing behind her and her blonde hair gleaming pale in the moonlight. "Well, well, well, you and Angelus socializing once more?" the vampire drawled, and Buffy smiled, her hands on her hips.

"What do you want Darla?"

"You dead," the demon hissed. "You see Slayer.you're the only obstacle standing in my way."

"Of what?" Buffy inquired in a bored voice, although she had a sinking suspicion she knew exactly what Darla was planning.

"Of getting my lover back of course," the vampire laughed, an evil sound that grated like nails. She picked a leaf off of a tree and examined it with gentle fingers. "Angelus and I." she murmured gleefully. "I can smell him from here you know."

Buffy winced at the intimate words and Darla giggled girlishly, her voice changing, becoming sweet and childlike.

"Oh yes.my Angelus.my blood runs through his veins." she remarked with a malevolent grin. "Can you smell him like I can Slayer? I didn't think so."

Buffy tightened her facial muscles, trying not to react. Angel's sire was deliberately taunting her. "At least I can make him happy," she snapped back, searching for her stake and then realizing she didn't have one. Panic swept over her for one brief moment until she saw all the branches surrounding her. They would do just fine.

Darla's eyes glowed with fury. "You think I didn't make him happy? One hundred and fifty years we spent together.those decades full of sex and blood and sweet kills. You think he wasn't happy.deep inside me? After a long day of torturing.you think he didn't want my blood more than anything?

You're wrong, girl. He was my slave. I made him," she growled.

Buffy tried not to gag at the pictures Darla was painting. She didn't want to imagine their past, their history together. Burning bile swept up her throat as she saw in her mind's eye.Angel's fangs deep in his lover's throat, his body thrusting into hers.that cry of fulfilment.shaking her head, she dispelled the images, focusing once more on her enemy.

"Do you think I didn't make him happy?" she snarled back. "Darla.you may have made him.but after he got his soul.did he really want anything more to do with you? Didn't think so." She watched without pleasure as the demon's features took over, ridges appearing on her forehead in her blind fury. "He may have fucked you." Buffy emphasised. "But he made love to me."

With a scream, Darla lunged for her, taking Buffy by surprise. They rolled on the ground, each fighting for the upper hand. Buffy punched her clean across the face, trying not to flinch as the vampire's nails raked across her cheek.

"BITCH!" Darla hissed, and they jumped up, punching, kicking, their dance of death fuelled by hatred neither could even begin to fathom. Buffy high-kicked her in the jaw, sending the demon whirling backwards. She continued the assault, propelling her fists into Darla's stomach, wincing as the vampire grabbed her by her hair and forced her head back.

"I hate you, you whore," Darla spat, and Buffy laughed breathlessly.

"Is this gonna be a catfight then?" she snapped, slapping Angel's sire across the face viciously. "I'm up for that."

"Bitch.bitch," Darla snarled, her eyes clouding over with rage, righting Buffy in the jaw and following it with a few kicks to her side. Although winded, the Slayer grabbed her by the leg and propelled her to the ground, straddling her to deliver a few hits to the face. She held Darla's hands above her head with one arm and kept hitting her.

Unable to fight with her hands, Darla resorted to an assault with her mouth. "ANGEL NEVER LOVED YOU!" she screamed, "HE WAS WILLING TO DIE FOR ME!"

Buffy attempted to block her out, reaching blindly for a branch. She didn't care what Angel had said. She was staking her and she was doing it now. This bitch didn't deserve to live. Didn't deserve anything.

"No.nooooo!" Darla shouted, wriggling as she saw the Slayer's intention, taunting her more with her cruel words. "He held me afterwards.said he'd be there always. Said he wasn't ever going to leave me."

Those words were like a sword to Buffy's belly. They cut into her, spilling her guts onto the ground. He had left her.but he would stay with Darla always? Buffy abandoned her search for a stake, punching Darla in the face as hard as she could.

Using all her lower body strength, the vampire finally managed to send Buffy flying over her head, and they both stood up, facing each other down.

"You won't get Angel," the Slayer vowed, and Darla smiled, reaching into her boot and pulling out a knife.

"I can promise you won't be there to see it," she hissed, coming closer and slashing out with the blade. It gleamed sharply in the dim light and Buffy knew real fear.

She ducked, narrowly missing being staked with the knife, and then ducked again. Darla was stabbing out with it with ruthless precision, and Buffy was only escaping out of luck. And then she stumbled, and Darla found her target.

The knife sliced through Buffy's side, hitting her flesh with force.

Removing the knife, Darla watched the Slayer fall to the ground and cocked her head. "Hmm." she murmured, "Not quite the cut I wanted."

Buffy gasped as she lay one hand over her side and felt the blood seeping through the thin fabric of her top, and oozing onto the ground. This was even worse than when the vampire had stabbed her in the stomach. "No." she protested weakly when Darla advanced once more on her.

The blonde vampire paused for a moment, standing over her. "Ah.Slayer. I almost want to put you in a museum like that," she sneered, her face a picture of delight. "Bloody, helpless.why it's better than sex."

Buffy sat up, wincing as the wound opened even more. But she had to run. She should scream. Angel would hear her. He had to. Dizzily she tried to stand up, but her legs failed her and a fresh spurt of blood soaked the grass.

"Don't know when to give up do you?" Darla mused, swinging the knife back and forth in a mesmerizing hypnotic motion. "What a solider," she mocked, and grabbed a lock of Buffy's hair, forcing her head back and baring the smooth throat. "Mmm."

Licking her lips, Darla bared her fangs, and Buffy closed her eyes. Muzzily she wondered what everyone would think when they found her body. Willow and Xander would cry. So would Giles. Would Angel? She wondered painfully as she felt the tip of Darla's fangs sink into her neck. And then nothing.no blinding pain.no feeling like the life was being sucked out of her. A faint stirring on her face made her open her eyes. All that was left of Darla was dust. "Angel." she murmured sarcastically, just before blacking out. "What a hero."

~~~

"I'm all right Mom, really," Buffy laughed into the phone, concealing the wince of pain the action brought as she talked to her mother. "Just a little scratch."

Giles shook his head, smoothing down the comforter on the hospital bed that the Slayer lay on, his hands shaking slightly.

Joyce Summers spoke worriedly to Buffy for a few more moments and then finally they said a heart-felt goodbye. "Wonders of modern technology," Buffy muttered jokingly. "Both in the hospital but still able to talk."

Giles nodded, sitting down beside the bed, and regarding the blonde. "Where is Angel?" he asked without preamble. She sighed and leaned back, holding her side to minimalize the pain.

"After he brought me to the hospital I guess he went to talk to Spike and Dru. Course he could've gone back to LA for all I know," she uttered with no small amount of rancour in her tone. "Anyway, at least Darla's dust."

"Good thing," Giles agreed and their eyes met. "I must admit I'm surprised Angel staked her."

"So am I," she blinked, remembering clearly what he had said to her about the whole 'staking my sire' business. "But I guess people surprise you."

Giles smiled and gazed at her. "You really have grown Buffy."

Surprised, she turned her head. "What do you mean?"

"I just hadn't realized how.mature you'd gotten," Giles said, shaking his head and smiling again, just slightly. "I'm very proud, I must admit."

She blushed and grinned, waving a hand to dismiss his comments. "Color me stunned. You? Proud? I must be doing something wrong here."

He chuckled and then looked up at the door, going quiet as he saw who stood there, watching them. "I'll go and check on your mother and Dawn," he assured her, standing and nodding to Angel. "Make sure there's not an excessive amount of worry."

"Thanks," she replied gratefully and watched as Angel closed the door behind her Watcher, walking hesitantly over to the bed.

"How are you Buffy?" he asked, going over to the window and staring up at the moon. She shrugged and then gasped a little. No big movements was what the doctor had said, but she kept forgetting.

"A little shish kabobed, but I'm all right," she answered flippantly and he turned slightly to regard her with tenderness in his dark eyes.

"Don't pretend with me," he urged her and she sighed, pressing a hand to the bandaged wound beside her abdominals.

"It hurts.tons. Like someone's ramming a knife continuously into me;" she painted the picture for him and watched his mouth tighten.

Buffy's green eyes followed his every expression. "I gotta admit.shock is the word to describe how I feel about you staking Darla," she commented.

Angel laughed, shaking his head, the sound and movements borne from frustration and anger more than anything else. "You just don't get it, do you?"

"Get what?" she inquired hesitantly and he touched her chin, tilting her head up so their eyes locked.

"That I would do anything to save you.anything, Buffy. Look, I know that you think my leaving is a testament to how little my feelings must have been for you. But you've got it backwards. It was because of how much I loved you that I left;" his eyes pleaded with hers. "I left because I loved you too much to put you at risk. Every time I was around you.the temptation got greater and greater.to hold you. To make love to you. And you know I couldn't. But I could feel my resolve weakening. And I knew that I had to leave before I did something drastic. Also, I wanted you to have that life I couldn't give you. You deserved more. You do deserve more."

Bowing her head slightly, she breathed in, absorbing his words. "Okay." she returned, choosing what she said with care. "I realize that you believe I deserve more. But don't you get.that you're always going to be the one I want? You know.I was watching Roswell once with the gang," she smiled slightly and he nodded.

"The alien show? Yeah, Cordy watches that."

Buffy giggled and then tears filled her eyes in the same breath. "I was watching it.and something the character Liz said to Max.she said, " Don't you realize what you are to me? You're the love of my life. Everyone else is just going to be second best.'" Buffy paused, and watched Angel take this in, his face reflecting both joy and sorrow at her words. "You know.personally, I prefer Maria, but Liz.she has a way with words," Buffy remarked lightly, and reached up with her hand to curl her fingers into the hair at the back of his head.

Pulling his head down, she kissed his forehead gently. "I won't ever give up on you Angel." she told him firmly, and he smiled, touching his forehead to hers.

"Hold me please." she asked plaintively; despite the pain in her side, she needed to be closer to him.

Carefully he lifted her up and onto his lap, burying his face in her hair as she snuggled against his coat. "I love you Buffy," he murmured softly. "Sleep."

"Sleep," she repeated drowsily, closing her eyes and letting him rock her tenderly into oblivion.

~~Am I real am I true?
Am I borrowed, am I blue?
Is it just the dust of leaving you, settling?
Am I fair am I strong
When I'm there do I belong
Is it only skin I touch when I reach for you
Oh the leaves they fall they go so far sometimes
Do I blame the wind or the tree that let it go
Or do I
Wave goodbye
Settling
Do I stay and do I fight
Is it wrong when nothings right
Is it just the closet light
I leave on for you?~~

~~

"When can I be outta here?" Buffy asked the doctor anxiously. He smiled, clucked his tongue and examined once more the deep wound in her side.

"I'd say in about a week, Ms. Summers," he informed her, taping a fresh bandage to the flesh around her abdominals, and noticing her wince. She sighed with frustration.

"But.my Mom needs help.and I gotta look after my sister."

"You have a major stab wound," he said, exasperated. "I think it's all right for you to take a week off."

"He's right," Angel pushed away from the window frame where he been leaning during the exchange. "You need rest Buffy. Everyone else can take care of patrol, Dawn's fine at Giles' and your mother's still in the hospital as well."

"A sane person!" the doctor smiled, making a note on his pad and exiting the room. Buffy stuck out her tongue as he left, turning to look at her vampire ex-lover and saw him grinning at her.

"What?" she groused. "I'm allowed to be grouchy. My side still really hurts."

"I'll bet it does," he sympathized and sat down on the edge of the bed, playing absently with the coverlet. She shrugged and her eyes lit with memory.

"It doesn't hurt as much as getting stabbed in the belly did-"

His head shot up and he gazed at her. "When did you get.?"

She shrugged again, and felt the wound pull. Flinching, she said, "It was a few weeks ago. I was out on patrol. Stupid vampire.with really bad clothes. He was a throwback from the eighties or something. Anyway, he stabbed me with my own stake. I couldn't even run."

Angel's face was paler than usual, and he closed his eyes for a moment. "What happened?"

"Oh.well Riley came long. Combat medical training you know. Big plus when you've caught the pointy end of the stake. He took care of the vamp and bandaged me up."

"Real solider," Angel remarked, keeping his voice carefully blank. She thought for a moment.

"Yeah.he was great that way." She hesitated, and massaged her aching flesh with a tender hand. "He was great in a lot of ways. But.he never would have been what I needed. He knew that before I did," she laughed half-heartedly.

"Figures, huh? Everyone else always knows what's best for me before I do."

"Well.it takes an unbiased observer," Angel commented. "To know what's best."

"And you think you were unbiased?" her eyebrows shot up, and she regarded him with incredulity.

He smiled. "No, I didn't. But maybe.I could think more clearly about it than you."

"Yeah, cause I'm such a swoony little schoolgirl," she replied acidly and he sighed.

"No, Buffy, you know I don't think that way."

She looked down. "No, I know. Sorry I'm just being bitchy Buffy.mad that I didn't get to leave the prison some like to call a hospital.and.oh my god.."

Angel around as her shocked eyes widened at something behind him. As he turned he saw Drusilla framed in the doorway, the white folds of her dress faintly yellow in the fluorescent light, her face gleaming pale.her eyes hypnotic. "Angelus." she crooned, and glided forward, caressing her Sire around his collar.

He cringed and stepped back. "You won't get Buffy," he warned her.

"Relax mate," a cheery British accent sounded, as Spike strolled through the door and clapped Angel on the shoulder. "Just passing through. Got bloody well lost in here.well Slayer," he looked Buffy up and down and his eyes glinted. "Caught yourself a stake honey?"

Angel growled warningly, but then looked behind him and saw that Buffy was actually grinning. Just ever so slightly. "A knife actually. And wouldn't you have liked to be the one wielding it?" she teased him, and he barked with laughter.

"It's been fun, luv. Can't say it hasn't been." Spike murmured insinuatingly and then pulled Drusilla off Angel. She had been pawing him around the neck, forced to get closer as he stepped farther and father away from her.

"C'mon pet," his lips curled. "No need to go where you're not wanted."

Drusilla pouted and her eyes widened. "My little bird doesn't want me?"

"Oh please," Buffy muttered sarcastically. Spike let go of Drusilla for a moment and approached the bed under Angel's watchful stare.

"I'm taking Dru like you wanted," he informed her and she nodded. "I didn't hear the magic word."

"Thanks," she choked out and he laughed, his voice becoming husky.

"Bye, Buffy," he said, and their eyes met. Hers softened ever so slightly. She could guess at his feelings for her. And although she didn't return them, she had to admit there was a certain strange affection within her for this bleached blonde vampire.

"Good riddance Spike," she said lightly and he took her hand for one brief moment, looking up to see Angel staring at them with cold eyes. Teasing his Grandsire, he bent his head and pressed a kiss to the Slayer's fingers.

She snatched her hand away, squealing, "EW! Spike lips! I'll never eat with this hand again!"

"Sure you won't honey," he growled quietly, and then turned to look at her once more. "I'll be back.and there'll be trouble," he promised and she swatted him with her fist.

"I never doubted it."

"C'mon pet," he grabbed his sire with strong arms, tearing her away from a flinching Angel, and the two left the room. It was strangely silent without them. Buffy pressed a hand to her forehead.

"What a couple," she observed, smiling slightly. "Why didn't I ever stake them?"

~~~

The day wore on, and Buffy slept, ate and watched TV. Angel had gone back to the mansion via the sewer systems to sleep, but he had said he would be back that evening. And she knew why. He was leaving, and he was coming to say Goodbye. The rational part of her knew it was inevitable. He had a life there, a virtual family. That she wasn't a part of.

But the other part of her.her heart.it screamed at the thought of being left alone once more. She didn't know how lonely the nights would be now. Before she had had Riley.to fill her, talk to her, laugh with her. But now.there was no one, and Buffy was certain she wouldn't be able to be with anyone again for a long time.

It was late evening when he walked through the door, bringing the scent of the night, the musky, cool smell of danger, sex.of.everything that was not rational. She was drunk on that scent. It was her addiction.

"Feeling better?" he asked, sitting down beside the bed and taking her hand in his. She glanced down at her tanned fingers entwined with his pale, and felt almost sick.

"Better than ever," she lied and cut to the chase. "You're going back to LA tonight aren't you?"

Angel closed his dark eyes and sighed, his mouth a pained slash as he muttered. "Yes."

She pulled her fingers from his and leaned back. "Well, be on your way then. I can't handle long drawn out goodbye thingies."

"You know I have to go Buffy. My fight is there now. It never was here. Sunnydale is your town. LA is mine now. And there's so many more people I have to help."

"I know," she breathed, and sat up again, facing him and staring deep into his eyes, drowning in his gaze. "And that's why I feel bad.you know, for being selfish. Because you do help people. I'm sorry.for all the things I've said to you. I have set out to hurt you before.and that's just me, lashing out. I'm sorry," she repeated and he laughed softly, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

"Oh love.you have nothing to be sorry for. I've said things I regret to. And I'm sorry for leaving you.but you know there's no way we can go back now. And we shouldn't. It's what's coming that we have to focus on."

She rested her forehead against his, smiling teasingly. "Why do you have to be so damn smart?"

He laughed and rubbed their noses together. "It's the 245 years of experience I guess."

Tears slipped from her eyes but she kept her grin. "Kiss me?"

He smoothed her hair with his hands and their lips brushed. Cool and sweet, they kissed, their tears mingling, the salt burning their mouths. Buffy gasped as they separated, holding him for one brief moment. "Goodbye," she said fiercely, attempting to be strong.

Enveloping her in his arms, he buried his face in her hair, and she felt the coldness of his flesh against her face, the strength of his body against hers. "Don't be a stranger," she murmured, and he smiled, dropping a kiss on top of her head.

"I won't. Bye, Buffy."

"Bye, Angel."

And he was gone. Not shadows.no long glances. He simply let her go and was.gone.

~~I didn't hear you leave
I wonder how am I still here
And I don't want to move a thing
It might change my memory
Oh I am what I am
I'll do what I want
But I can't hide
I won't go, I won't sleep
I can't breathe
Until you're resting here with me~~

~~~

*6 months later*.

Staring up at the dankness of the prison walls, Buffy Summers wished herself a thousand miles away. It wasn't like she hadn't been prepared for the brutal reality of the place, but still.it was a shock. She dealt with ugly things from day to day. Evil things. But really, nothing compared to the loneliness of this building. It reeked with despair.

Glancing through the glass partition, she wondered what was taking so long. And then suddenly, she appeared, sitting down across from her, a tentative smile on her familiar face.

Buffy picked up the phone with careful fingers, spoke lightly. "Hi."

Faith grinned, and touched the glass. "Hey, B. This is a surprise."

"Surpriso-girl," Buffy quipped, 'that's me. I wanted to come.and see how you were doing."

Faith blinked and rubbed one of her eyes. A faint purple bruise shadowed her cheekbone, but her gaze was steady and strong. No uncertainty or weakness stained her features. "It all heals," she responded with deliberate obliqueness. "I wanna hear how you're doing. Angel never tells me.he says I have to find out for myself."

Buffy laughed. "Typical guy. How does he expect you to find out?"

"I don't know.he's just being cryptic." Faith grinned and they felt a rush of shared memories, of feeling. That old camaraderie was back.smidges of it, reminding them of their halcyon days when they had been twin fighters.

"Well.I'm doing good, shockingly," Buffy replied quietly, as if she had just realized it. "School's a struggle, but hey, what isn't? And with the gang so happy.yeah life's a good right now."

Faith seemed touched and a hint of a smile curved her full mouth. She sat back and stared at the blonde Slayer with something akin to tenderness in her dark as pitch eyes. "So what's with the visit?" she asked, and Buffy blushed ever so slightly.

"I guess.I wanted to see if you were all right." She paused and then informed her hurriedly, "I'm not excusing what you did. Stealing my body was." she struggled for words and came up with none that could describe the feeling of that time.

Faith closed her eyes with remembered pain, and touched the glass with shaky fingers. "It feels like an insult to even say sorry for that," she answered helplessly and Buffy laughed.

"Don't." She swallowed and crossed her legs, looking up at Faith hesitantly. This was the girl who had been her closest friend for a short time. She had even replaced Willow.she had been everything. Someone who knew.what fighting was.what dying was. Someone who could bleed with her, a girl who was strong just like her. Of course now she knew the truth. That Faith had never been that strong, just troubled.a lost soul, as Giles would say.

"Look, Faith.just get better ok? If it's even possible in here."

"It is." the dark haired girl shrugged, looking at her surroundings with weary detachment. "If you try and forget where you are. It's good.for thinking. Lot of time for thinking. But some things help. I have time, ya know? For reflection and shit. And Angel's been helping. He knows this stuff."

Buffy's mouth tightened, and Faith noticed the small movement.

"Look, B, I want you to know.nothing ever happened with Angel and I. I swear it."

Buffy glanced up, sighing, and their eyes met. "I know.I do know that. It's none of my business anyway."

"What? You two still not talking?"

Buffy smiled, lost in her own thoughts for a split second. "No.we talk. Sometimes. It's too hard though. So.not much talkage."

"How's." Faith paused and searched for the elusive name. "Commando boy? Riley?"

"No more Buffy and Riley," the Slayer responded, and held up a hand when Faith made a sound of sympathy. "Nah.don't be sorry. Nothing to do with the.um.sex fest you two had. Just other stuff. Life stuff. He couldn't deal. So he split. No big."

Beyond the flippant words there was real pain. Both knew it, but Faith chose not to comment. She spoke clearly, surprising them both. "Look, B, you were always the strong one. You gotta pull through. Good things will happen.they've gotta. You know, to balance out all the crap that's happened."

A tear slipped into the blonde' eye and she didn't blink it away, let it fall down her cheek and grinned at her once friend, once enemy. "Touching," she observed and both girls laughed, enjoying the light moment that was sweet, charged with an emotion neither could identify.

A guard came over, signalling that the visiting was over. Faith smiled once more at the Slayer, whispering, "Gotta go. Warden's a bitch.so don't want to piss her off."

"Want me to kick her ass?" Buffy asked jokingly and Faith raised her eyebrows as if considering the idea. Buffy laughed.

"I was just joking!" she cried into the phone and the other girl stood up, grinning ever so slightly.

"See ya B," she said softly into the phone. "And.thanks."

Buffy felt her throat close over and touched the glass once more, staring at Faith. "See ya," she murmured, and saw the other Slayer hang up, wave once, before being handcuffed and escorted back through the door from which she had come.

Buffy got up, gathered her bag on her way out, and stepped into the smoggy, hot June day. Lifting her hair off her sweating neck, she took a calming breath and began to walk.

She felt better having seen her. Things had been unresolved between them.unfinished. And she had needed that talk, that laugh.that sweet moment with the girl who had been her best friend.her sister, so long ago that she could barely remember.

She stepped up onto the curb and jogged along the sidewalk, dodging people roller blading, couples with dogs, businessmen with briefcases, until she reached the ocean. Watching the crashing surf kiss the shore with its creamy brilliance, she let a tear fall for Faith.

For the girl she had been. Not for the girl she was now. The woman she had just met was.changed. She was strong. She finally knew how to fight.

So many people had come and gone in her life, Buffy reflected, blinking as the sun shone on her un- shaded face. Her father, Riley, Jenny Calendar, Cordy, Oz, Angel.Closing her eyes, Buffy Summers lifted her face to the sky and smiled. She didn't regret anything that she had done in her life.but she knew. It was only the beginning.

With one last look at the ocean, she turned and walked away.

~~ I'm a big, big girl in a big, big world
It's not a big, big thing if you leave me
But I do, do feel that I do, do will
Miss you much ~~

~~~

*ten years later*

In the hushed light of the waning December evening, Buffy Summers lifted her face to the cold sky, felt the coolness of the air caress her cheeks. She leaned back in the swinging chair and rubbed her arms through the thin wool of her sweater.

It was a perfect winter night. Sipping a steaming cup of coffee, she inhaled the fragrant brew and ran an experimental hand over the lights strung on the porch railings.

Christmas always made her reflect, something she did more and more as she got older. Not that she was ready for the nursing home yet. She still retained the youthful bounce she had had when she was twenty. // Thirty isn't that old // she thought irritably and smiled at herself.

// And at least I got to keep the strength part // She silently thanked The Powers that Be for that honour. After they had let her off Slayer duty when she was twenty-five, they had granted her a reward. Of course she hadn't got to choose, but what they gave her was fine. It would have been to hard to know what went bump in the night and not be equipped to protect herself. She remembered how shocked she had been when they let her go.

Apparently there was some rule they had never told her about. Giles defended himself by saying that it was too hard for him.because, of course, no one had expected her to reach twenty-five. What was the point of getting her hopes up? But she had celebrated twenty-five years and gotten the greatest present of her life.

Her freedom.

Buffy smiled. In her mind's eye she could still see her mother's face when she heard the news. Over-joyed and at peace. Her sweet mother.she and Dawn still lived in Sunnydale, across town. Dawn went to University now, and was just like a regular girl.

Only Joyce, Giles and Buffy knew otherwise. And they never planned to tell her, as there seemed to be no need to. Glory had disappeared off the face of the earth, and the orderly Ben, at the hospital had told Buffy not to worry about her ever again. She still didn't know how he had known about Glory.but he had been right. That particular demon was gone.

Willow and Tara were still together, and running the Magic Box in Giles' absence. He took more and more trips to England these days and sometimes Buffy wondered why he didn't just go back for good. He and Nina were seeing each other regularly, and Buffy thought it was high time her former Watcher settled down.

And Xander. she giggled to herself as she thought of her old friend. Married to Cordy.who would have thought? When the two ex-lovers reunited two years ago, no one had thought it would last. But they couldn't live without each other now. Despite the bickering. No one saw Anya much anymore, and Xander suspected she had gone back into Vengeance. Their relationship had never really worked out; and they had broken up long before Cordy came on the scene.

Buffy felt a breeze of warm air hit her face and looked up as the screen door opened. "Hey," she murmured, her lips curving in welcome. "Is she asleep?"

Angel nodded, placing a finger over his lips. They listened and heard only silence. "I think so.she wanted three stories tonight."

"That's a record," his wife laughed and patted the seat next to hers. He smiled and lowered his long body gracefully into the swing, taking her hand.

As their fingers embraced, Buffy leaned her head against his shoulder. Her Angel.Shanshued three years ago after the End of Days fight. The first thing he had done was drive down to Sunnydale. They were married immediately.in a ceremony on the beach in Santa Monica.Buffy in a long white dress, Angel in a suit. Afterwards everyone danced and sang and celebrated. She still smiled when she thought of that day. So magical.

Their little girl had been born exactly nine months later, and they called her Gemma. A sweet and feisty child with long blonde locks and brown eyes, she could charm anyone and everyone. Angel adored her. Buffy didn't worry about her. She could see the fire in her little girl's eyes. She was a fighter. She could be nothing else, coming from the parents she had.

"Beautiful night," she murmured to her husband drowsily, burrowing her face into his neck. He laced his fingers through hers and kissed her brow, resting his head against hers. They fell asleep on the swing, only awakening to watch the sun rise on a new day.

He had come back. And as promised, she had never given up on him.

~~ I would be happy just to hold the hands I love.
on this winter's night with you.~~

PLEASE FEEDBACK ME! It is worshipped... this fic was really important to me, and I'd like to know if you even read it!

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