Disclaimer: Joss owns them. I mean, seriously, would I ever create Riley Finn? No, I thought not
Rating: PG 15 for language
Summary: Buffy's POV during that infamous talk in "Sanctuary". I'm one of the few people that felt sorry for Buffy during that scene. (Of course I felt sorrier for Angel, but I felt that Buffy was just lashing out because she was hurt)
Spoilers: "Sanctuary" of course and "Who Are You?"
Author's Notes: I'm putting "Flame" on hold cause I got little to no feedback on it. Geez.was it that bad?? He he.
Song: "Last Day of Our Acquaintance" by Sinead O'Connor

His lips are moving, but I'm finding it hard to understand the words. He needed to help Faith? What is he talking about? I just don't get it, and I don't want to get it. This can't be Angel standing in front of me. This man with the hard eyes and a voice that slices into me like millions of little paper cuts. Did leaving me make him this way? If it did, I will never forgive him. Because he had the power to change all that. And he didn't.

Already the image of him with Faith is flashing before my eyes. I can't get it out of my head and I want to know.what was he doing with her before I came? Were they comforting each other? Was she doing with him what she had done with Riley? God, my head is pounding.

"This is about saving somebody's soul.that's what I do here Buffy, and you're not a part of it," he snaps, staring straight into my eyes as he says it. I want to die. Lie down on the floor and let myself wither. How could he say these things to me? "That was your idea remember? We stay away from each other." I want to scream that it was more like his idea. When he dumped me a year ago. But I don't. Can't let him know I care. So I just decide to tell the truth.

"I came here because you were in danger." He shakes his head and looks weary.

"I'm in danger everyday. You came because of Faith. You were looking for vengeance."

"I have a right to it," I growl, and his steely eyes growl back.

"Not in my city."

So now we have our own cities? When did it come to this? This war? Where had the days gone when we shared a city.when we shared a life? A fight.a heart? It had seemed back then that our hearts were one. When I could barely tell where he ended and I began. And now what? He has his own city? His own life? His own fucking cause that I'm not a part of?

I want to hurt him. It's a burning desire deep in my belly to thrust back, to cut him to the core. "I have someone in my life now," I say softly and watch his face. He looks away, and his features tighten with anguish. Good. I hope he wants to cry. I hope he feels like dying right now. "That I love," I lie. Why shouldn't I lie about that? He doesn't have to know that I don't love Riley. No one has to know about that. "It's not what you and I had. It's very new," I continue quietly. He still doesn't look at me. He just stares at some fixed point past me, and his eyes remain blank. But they're shining and I know he feels like weeping. So do I. God so do I.

More than anything I want to mark him. Hurt him so much that he'll lie awake and think about me at night. I take a step closer and regard him. "You know what makes it new? I trust him. I know him."

There. His face looks like it's about to crumple. Then he looks up and his gaze locks on mine. Pain. So much pain. "That's great," he shrugs. "That's nice. You've moved on."

No.my heart shrieks. Are you blind? Why would I be saying these things if I had moved on from you? "I can't. You've found somebody new.I'm not allowed to remember? I see you again it cuts me up inside, and the person I share that with is me! You don't know me anymore so don't come down here with your great new life and expect me to do things your way. Go home."

That's when I feel my heart crack. A slow, agonizing break. It's as if I can feel the blood seeping down through the jagged edges, tearing through arteries, and leaving me empty. It's a burn, its poison. but I bear it without a word. And stare at him.

He looks back and our eyes communicate. Go, his say, because any moment now I'm going to kiss you and hold you and make everything all right again. And you know it can't happen. You know it can never be.

I gaze at him in anguish and tangible emotions shiver in the air. I let my eyes speak for me as well... I hate you for doing this again.for making me care.

As he turns away, I step back, casting about for something to say. "See? Faith wins again." And its true. She does. Even if she goes to jail, he'll visit her. In the end, she will get what I don't. A chance to see him every day.

"Go," he repeats, his voice dull. And I do. Making my feet go down the steps, taking one movement away from him at a time. I hear his fists slam into the wall and wince. We're both shells now. Just shadows of our former selves.

Didn't we used to be lovers? It seems so long ago that I can barely remember anymore.

~~you used to hold my hand as the plane took off
two years ago
there just seemed so much more
and I don't know what happened to our love~~

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