Disclaimer: I'm tired of this.my name is not Joss Whedon, therefore that means I do not own B/A or anything concerning them
Rating: PG.25 (bad words)
Author's Notes: I got a request to do a prequel to "Flame", you know, to see what really happened that first Christmas Buffy went up. Here it is
Dedication: I know this is a B/A fic, but here's to the CandyGirls! M&M forever!

Christmas sucked. Buffy Summers decided that fact as she mounted the steps to her dorm room after patrol. Stupid, stupid holiday, she thought, opening the door and greeted with an empty room. And a cold room due to the window being open.

Buffy crossed the carpet and shut it with a crash, noticing that her Slayer strength snapped the locks and cracked the paint around the frame. Shrugging, she flopped onto her bed and forced back tears. How much lonelier could life get?

Not much more she decided, wishing that Willow were there. But nooooo! Willow, Xander, and the entire gang had gone away on a ski trip. And Giles hadn't let her go. Slayer duty and all that shit she was tired of worrying about. Plus, her sort of boyfriend Riley had gone back to Iowa for the holidays.

And her mother.away at a convention she couldn't get out of. Christmas just plain sucked this year. She was so lonely.

Rolling into a little ball, Buffy choked back a sob, thinking of last Christmas. She and Angel.walking in the streets of Sunnydale, the snow falling lightly, their troubles put aside for a short while. Hadn't she been happy then? Or at least she knew who she was. She was Angel's. She was complete. But now.she felt lost. So lost. She felt a tear escape and then another and another and soon Buffy was sobbing, full-force until her stomach ached and her eyes burned.

God she wanted to call him. She needed to hear his voice. They hadn't spoken since she had gone to rat him out for skulking around at Thanksgiving. But she needed to hear him, needed the warmth and comfort he brought.didn't he owe her that? Didn't he owe her that much at least?

She turned and picked up the phone, dialing the number she knew off by heart. It rang twice and then was picked up. "Angel Investigations." His voice. She couldn't hold back a sob. He spoke again, worriedly this time. "Is something wrong? How can I help?"

Her sobs mounted. Buffy was humiliated and was about to hang up. He thought she was just a customer anyway. But then suddenly he said softly, "Buffy? Is that you?"

She froze and sniffled a little. Should she answer? What was she going to say?

"Buffy? Please.is that you?" he pleaded quietly and she took a breath.

"I'm lonely," she answered and heard him sigh.

"Oh Buffy," he answered, but it was not a tone that held pity. More like empathy. He knew what she was going through. "How come, love?"

She knew he had used the endearment without thinking and so did not comment. "I'm all alone here.everyone's gone away and Giles wouldn't let me. Stupid patrol."

She could almost hear the smile in his voice as he replied, "Nothing's changed obviously."

"Some things have," she murmured and heard his intake of breath.

"Is there anything I can do?" he asked, his tone blank. She sniffed and wiped the tears away from her eyes. She felt stupid now for calling. He couldn't fix her problems. Not anymore.

"No, I guess not. Sorry for calling."

As she was about to replace the phone back on the cradle she heard him call frantically, "Buffy, don't hang up!"

Putting it back to her ear she responded, "What? There's nothing you can do. You're right. We just can't help each other anymore."

"Buffy.why don't you come up to LA?"

She gasped softly. "What?"

"I mean it.just for Christmas. I can't leave cause a client might need my help.but Cordelia's not here.why don't you come up?"

She thought for all of a moment. "Okay.I'll be there in a couple hours."

"Drive careful," he said softly. "Buffy.you know I-"

"I know," she answered, touching her heart and feeling tears well up in her eyes. "I'll see you."

"Bye," he replied and she hung up, sitting still for a second. She didn't want to think. Cause if she did she might talk herself out of this. Whirling around the room, she had a bag packed in less than ten minutes.

**

Pulling up outside Angel Investigations two hours later, she jumped out of the car and walked up to the offices.

Knocking on the door to Angel's apartment, she heard the elevator start up and then he appeared as the doors slid across. "Hey," he said softly, with that look in his eyes. That familiar look that spoke of love and trust. Buffy barely took a step before she was collapsing into his arms, sobbing, holding onto him like he might disappear any second. Wordlessly, Angel picked her up and let her bury her face in his neck. As they went down in the elevator, she continued to cry, unaware of anything else, except the blissful reality that Angel was comforting her. He was holding her. It had been too long.

Buffy felt him sit down and now she was cradled in his lap, his hands stroking her hair, as he murmured things to her. Words in Gaelic, soft endearments that touched her soul, reminded her of what she had been missing for so long.

"Angel." she murmured, burrowing further into his embrace.

"Buffy.tell me."

That was all he said, but she knew what he meant. Sighing, she began to speak.

"It's just everything Angel. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've just been having some trouble at university. First Parker fucked me and then dumped me," she said bluntly, and he winced, holding her closer.

She knew he was jealous, but didn't care. He had asked, she was going to tell him the straight dirt. "I felt like a slut. I mean, you left me, Parker left me. There must be something wrong with me."

Angel kissed her forehead. 'There is absolutely nothing wrong with you Buffy. Please don't think that. I left you because I loved you too much if anything. Parker doesn't even deserve to breathe the same air as you." He thought darkly for a moment whether the boy deserved to breathe at all. Buffy would never know if he paid this guy a visit.

"And then I met Riley," she continued and Angel flinched. "And he's nice.but he's not.he's not.I don't know." She sighed heavily. "Nothing makes sense anymore."

He tilted her head back so their eyes could lock. "Why don't things make sense?"

"Do I have to spell it out?" she snapped. "You left. That's it. End of story. My life went to shit after that. Nothing's been the same. I have no one. No one who can understand me like you."

"You still have me Buffy," he murmured. "I'm yours and I always will be. Just because we don't talk-"

"But that's the thing!" she cried. "I need to talk to you! I need to go to you when I have a problem and get your advice. Your arms are the only place where I feel safe...where I feel protected. I just can't deal with this anymore."

Angel pressed his hand to the back of her neck so she could lay her head on his shoulder again. Sleepily, she lay back down, and he stroked her hair absently. "I know what you mean, love. Trust me I do."

And she fell asleep, there, in his arms. And felt safe. For the first time in a long time Buffy Summers was content.

End of the prequel.I made it short and sweet.cause I already explained what they did after.no kissing, they just went for a walk, and fell asleep, then made a promise to do it again next year

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