Rating: I'd say, R.
Disclaimer: Angel and Buffy and Sunnydale and everything else belong to Joss Whedon, the WB, Mutant Enemy etc. I'm not making any money off this so don't sue. The songs I listened to belong to other people as well.
Author's Notes: This is my first shot at writing Buffy and Angel fic. It picks up after "Sanctuary" I'd love feedback!!!! Good and bad.
Spoilers: The entire B/A canon
Summary: Angel comes back to check on Buffy after he gets a call from Giles. Lots of angst ensues.
Songs: While I wrote I listened to: "Wild Horses", "Close Your Eyes", and "Absence of Fear" by Jewel.

Angel patrolled the streets of Sunnydale. She was near, he could feel it. The tingling was starting in his belly, his skin felt several degrees hotter than normal. And suddenly, stepping out of the darkness, there she was. Buffy.

Her blonde hair glinted in the moonlight as she stalked through the cemetery, her senses alert. Angel saw her look around, her hazel eyes seeking something. She seemed confused, and he knew why. She sensed him. Something in her blood always warned her when he was near. He took in the lines of her amazing body covered in sleek black pants and a red leather jacket.

Just then she saw him, and it was as elemental as it was inevitable what happened. Her face filled with the initial joy of his presence as she started toward him. Angel was drawn towards her by forces he could not, did not want to control. But then the change happened. Her beautiful face clouded over with pain. Pain because they were not together and they could not fall into each other's arms like so many times past.

"What are you doing here?"

The hard question was like a stake to Angel's heart, but he understood where it had come from. "Looking for you," he said and she laughed, without humor.

"Oh, that's new. Wait, no it isn't. What grave danger have you come to warn me about?"

"Buffy…" he said and she looked down.

"Sorry, it still—"

"Hurts," he finished. "I know, but in time we'll-"

"Forget?" she said, and turned slightly away from him, not wanting him to see the tears that flooded her eyes.

He knew. He could feel the pain washing over her and cursed himself a thousand times for causing it. Every bit of her screamed to him, and it was agony not responding to it. He wanted to take her in his arms and comfort her, but he knew that was impossible.

"I still miss you-"

She held up her hand. "Can you please not…I can't deal with this conversation right now. I've got to hunt the big bad remember? I have a duty, so say what you gotta say then leave."

Angel tried to take her words as they were- just a cry from a wounded heart. In truth, hearing her telling him to leave bruised his soul. "I just wanted to see if you were all right. Giles called me and said that you were a little down."

"Yeah well, when your boyfriend dumps you, takes off, then you find him comforting the slayer who pulled a Single White Female on your life, that's the general reaction," she remarked flippantly.

"But I thought you had-"

"Someone new?" she responded. "I do."

Angel's face revealed the excruciating jealousy that overwhelmed him at that moment.

Buffy looked at him in disgust. "Don't do this. I had to! You gave me no other choice remember? You said that you didn't want to be with me."

"I remember," he said shortly. "And I'm happy you moved on."

She laughed at him. "Moved on? Angel, are you blind, I haven't moved on. Riley is…"

Finn. He thought of the blond Boy Scout Buffy was involved with and wanted to smash something. Throw something. Most of all he wanted to ask Buffy…

"Is it what we had?"

She looked at him in disbelief. "How can you ask me that?"

"You told me that you knew him, and trusted him," Angel continued, the words coming out of his mouth uncontrollably. "Do you really love him like you loved me?"

Buffy hit him, and when he grabbed her hand, their faces were only inches apart. Breathing hard, they stared at each other, Buffy's face was imploring. He wanted to kiss her. Her lips were so close he could almost taste them. The smell of her was overwhelming him. It was the smell of vanilla and sunlight and candy. So sweet. Angel leaned closer, and felt the pant of her breath on his cheek. He was going to kiss her. He was going to lose control and bend her back over one of the gravestones and make love to her right there.

"NO!!" he shouted and thrust her away from him. She was breathing hard, and looked at him with disgust.

"You can't have it both ways," she told him tersely. "If you don't want me then you can't prevent me from having someone else. And to answer your highly intrusive question, no I don't love Riley like I love you."

His head shot up at her revealing words. Buffy caught herself and said, "Loved. God, loved you. I don't still—"

"Don't you?" he cut her off and she gazed at him with such misery burning in her eyes that he felt like casting himself into the pits of hell.

"When are you leaving?" she asked him bluntly and he turned away.

"Soon. Tonight."

"Oh well, excuse me if I don't go see you off, " she said glibly.

"I understand," he responded. Their eyes locked for a second, which seemed like eternity. Emotions shimmered in the air, tangible in their intensity. Agonizing passion and love swept over Angel so strongly that he felt weak, however he still turned to go.

"Angel!" her soft pained cry stopped him.

"Yeah?" he replied quietly without stopping.

"Don't leave me again," she whispered. Angel's whole body clenched. He knew what it must have cost her to utter those words, and he wanted so badly to comfort her. Spinning around he stared at her and then came forward, taking her in his arms and kissing her.

God, he remembered the taste of her on his tongue, but nothing compared to the hot, sweet reality. Her arms came up around his neck and pulled him closer until he felt like their bodies were welded together. She kissed him desperately, tears running down her face, as he smoothed his hands down over her slender back, to her waist, holding her as close as she could be.

"Come back to my room," she whispered and he stared into her eyes, saw the love there. He felt his passion for her well up in his heart, spread like a burning brand over his insides.

In answer to her question he picked her small body up in his strong arms and began to walk towards the University.

She buried her face in the folds of his coat, touching his neck with her lips, running her tongue over the cool skin, trying to warm his flesh.

"Buffy," he groaned, "Keep that up and we won't even make it back to the room."

"I wouldn't complain," she teased provocatively.

He laughed shortly, walking faster until they reached UC Sunnydale. Buffy began to place small kisses all over his face, and he finally could not resist crushing her lips with his own, taking her warmth and sweetness into his mouth.

"Angel," she moaned, running her hands in his hair, as their tongues melted together, meshing in an eternal kiss.

"Buffy…" Angel said brokenly, "the key."

"What?" she whispered, confused, still trying to kiss him.

"The key to your room."

"Oh," she murmured, laughing a little. "in my pocket;" she arched herbrows at him suggestively. "you can get it if you want."

God, he had missed her. The thought sprang to his mind as he took in the special lilt she got to her smile whenever she was feeling playful.

"All right,": he answered, and slipped one hand smoothly into her left pocket. She wriggled under his touch, sighing, "could you move your hand to the right a little please?"

Angel arched a brow and moved his fingers like she requested. She moaned softly, as the fabric stretched over his questing hand. He knew just how to touch her, knew what she liked. But what he really wanted was to touch her naked flesh, so after giving her a little taste of what was to come, Angel grabbed the key and opened the door.

Buffy was incoherent in her pleas for him to take off his clothes. She pulled at his coat, and he helped her, removing his T-shirt before tackling her jacket and black long-sleeved top. He kissed her as he ran his hands over her straining nipples, feeling the weight of her breasts with his hands. Her hands sought under his waistband greedily, and finally in her haste she tore his leather belt in half.

"I hope that wasn't expensive," she whispered, and he gave her his half-smile.

"Do you think I would care at this point?"

She giggled and kissed his smile.

"I like it when you're happy."

Happy. That word was enough to send Angel careening away from her. What did he think he was doing? He couldn't do this with her. He couldn't turn into Angelus again. If he gave into this lustful passion, he might hurt her. Never could he do that again and live with himself.

"What is it?" Buffy asked him, turning him to face her and cupping his beloved face in her hands. "Angel, what is it? Tell me please."

He didn't even want to look at her. Because if he did he knew he would kiss her again. Fall under the spell she had over him. No, it wasn't a spell, he realized. It was the fact that he loved her. Always. Six hundred years from now, when she was long dead, he would still remember her name. He would still be able to recall every touch, every sigh, every kiss. He would remember the smell of her skin, the satiny strength of her muscles, her wit, her sweetness, her adorable smile. Everything about her, his Buffy, was branded on his soul. How could he ever give her up again, Angel wondered and despaired.

Buffy was watching him, seeing the way his face reflected his thoughts. "Angel?" she said tentatively.

God, he loved the way she said his name. If there was a sound in the world he could not do without, it was her voice. It flowed over him like a honeyed waterfall, washing away his sadness, caressing his insides like the sweetest music. What was he going to do? Could he walk away from her again? Could he abandon her, leave her to her new love, her new life? Wasn't this what he wanted for her? He wanted her to have a normal existence, a life without shadows. He wanted her to be with someone who could see her in the sunlight, someone who could make love to her without worrying about curses and blood and death.

It was only when she cried, "Angel!" that he realized he had been speaking out loud .

"Do you really think I care about those things?" she yelled at him, finally angry. "I want you! Not anyone else. I told you once I wanted my life to be with you. I don't know why you couldn't accept that! I mean, after all we have been through, you dumped me like it had meant NOTHING to you. Like I was just a memory and you had other places to be! You LEFT me Angel! You left me with nothing to hold onto, nothing that made sense anymore. YOU were my LIFE! You were in my blood, you were my reason for living-"

"Even when I was Angelus?" he had to ask her and she stared up at him with a tear-streaked face, that matched his own.

Buffy sat down on the bed, trying to catch her breath. Finally she began, not glancing up; "When you were Angelus I don't think I have ever felt so guilty. I murdered you Angel. Our making love killed you. How do you think I felt? You were my lover, my everything, and then suddenly you were a monster. But I still didn't hate you. Yes, I hated Angelus, because he wasn't you. He was the demon with your face. I… missed you," she faltered, sobbing. "And then when I had to kill you… send you to hell… I just… I lost it Angel. I couldn't talk to anyone about it. So I left."

He was startled. This was the first time they had ever talked about what she did after she sent him to Hell. "Where did you go?" he asked gently.

"I went to LA for the summer. I ran away from home. I didn't tell anyone where I was going. I just disappeared…" Buffy stopped for a moment- remembering those painful times. "It was what I needed. Losing you was such a blow that I tried to forget in a place where no one really knew me. No one knew what I was or who I was or who you were. But I would have dreams about you."

"Dreams?" he questioned, sitting down beside her.

She tipped her head a little to the side, letting her golden hair hide her face from his view. When she spoke, it was a voice filled with the kind of misery he knew only too well. "The first one I had we were on a beach. You held me. It was so real that I cried when I woke up. I had others. So many I lost count. I still dream of you. Dream that you never left me. That we're together, that we were never apart. God Angel, I can't let you go. I've tried, but---"

He reached out and pulled her into his arms, onto his lap. "Sshh…" he murmured, raining kisses on her hair. "I love you Buffy," he told her softly. "There's no one else for me in this world, and there never will be."

She burrowed her face into his neck, whispering, "Stay with me?"

"Forever," he replied. "I'll never leave."

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