Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss. Angel has been battling his inner demon for hundreds of years. He has been of the winning side until now and only one person can save him.
This story is in Angel's POV
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I have lost control. I have alienated myself from the people that care about me. I have pushed them away that they do not want anything to do with me. I am a loner once more.

I have crossed that delicate balance between good and evil. I do not know if I can ever return to my former existence. I have lost my purpose, my sense of duty and most of all that little part of me that you still can call human. I have done things that my old self would never have comprehended. I am turning into a thing that I originally came to Los Angeles to help.a lost soul.

It all started when she came back into my "Life". The beauty that started my path into destruction, my sire Darla, came back into my realm of existence. I thought I killed her a few years ago when she looked for me in Sunnydale. I staked her though her "heart" myself. I saw her body turn into dust before my very eyes. Then one day I started to have dreams that robbed me of my sanity. I didn't know where reality began and where it ended. I lost strength and slowly the dreams controlled me. They were always the same, Darla would visit me and I would be seduced back to her own world. A world that I lived in for over a hundred years, before I was cursed with a soul. It puzzled me that after all this time I would be thinking of her. All my questions were answered when I saw her in walking in the sun. For some reason the law firm Wolfram and Hart brought her back from the dead and she was human. She became my obsession I hunted her as if she was my prey. I wanted to connect with her because at long last there was someone on earth that felt want I feel. The burden of horrendous guilt because of what you have done in the past. When I received my soul I remembered all the deaths, tortures and unspeakable crimes I committed against humanity. Darla is human now and she has a soul but she also remembers her life as a vampire. She is like me cursed with the memories of past sins.

I thought I could save her from herself. Teach her what has taken me years to understand, control and accept. I didn't have anyone to show me the way but she would have me so her transition wouldn't be as painful. But at the end I lost her. I was powerless to stop what Wolfram and Hart had planned all along. Darla was turned back into a vampire ironically by my childe, Drusilla. When Darla lost her soul again, in a way I lost part of mine as well.

Now I am a walking shell of my former self. I am alone and I can feel I'm sinking into an abyss of eternal damnation. I have lost my centre, my purpose, and my light. I need to gain back that "something" that I have lost.

The only thing that can save me is my beloved. But how can I go back to her and ask her to save me when I walked away from her? I thought I was saving her from a lifetime of pain and heartache. I tried to do the only noble thing I have ever done in my "life". I let her go so that she could be free to live a "normal" life. As much as a normal life a Slayer could have. She didn't need me; a vampire with a soul to complicate her already complicated life. I need my other half my soul mate I need Buffy.

I feel like a hypocrite. I'm the one that walked away from her and now I want her back in my life. When I left Sunnydale I would never have imagined that I would go back with less then I left with. I was on track; I even got a glimpse of a future when I would be human again. I was so happy with my beloved and I was striving for that goal. I was in search for my redemption and I finally got an inkling of how I was to achieve it. I believed that I finally realized my place on earth. To save those who couldn't save themselves. By saving souls, I was working on trying to redeem myself for all the wrongs committed in the past. And now I am one of my own cases. I am drowning and I do not know how to swim.

I make up my mind. I get into my car and drive, my destination, Sunnydale. I don't care if I'll be like a stray puppy with his tail between his legs. I need my sunshine and I need her comfort. I want to feel her arms around me. I want to feel whole again.

I'm here and I wait. I cannot seem to move any muscles in my body. I am still in my car. I slowly open my door and step out onto the pavement. I see the tree beside Buffy's window. I remember all the times I climbed that tree to get into her bedroom. Oh the memories flood back into my brain. I was so happy; when I look back I had everything I wanted in my "life". I threw it all away. How can I be so stupid to not realise that Buffy, is my world? The very moment I first saw Buffy coming down her school steps, the very day she learned that she was the Slayer she became my purpose. She is my sunlight.

I stay in the shadows I cannot gather the courage. She is not even home because the house is in darkness. I stand there in the shadow of the branches for what seems like eternity. I can hear the slow ticking of my watch as time passes. I rake my right hand through my hair and then put my hands into the pockets of my duster coat. I'm about to turn around and go back into my car and drive away.

I hear a noise behind me and I quickly turn around.

"Angel.Angel is that you?" It's her; her voice is that of a heavenly being. My head slowly comes up and my brooding eyes meet hers that are like shining orbs.

"Buffy.I'm home.if you will have me?"

I can see the conflict in her eyes. The inner struggle she is experiencing that I am back in her life. I had caused her pain when I left her, when I gave up on us. I stay rooted to the spot, my whole body tense. I am waiting.

"Come." I run to her and I hold her tight in my arms. I never want to let go. I breathe the scent of her and whisper in her ear "My life.and my hope."

All at once I know I'll be all right. I am back on the road to my salvation. Buffy IS my heart and soul. I look up into the night sky and I feel a weight lifting off my chest, like as if I'm finally coming up for air.

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