Disclaimer: Everyone belongs to Joss.
Angel realizes that Buffy IS his `life' but there's the little matter of past hurts and a guy named Riley to get over.
This has unexpectedly turned into a series so this takes place after "The Road To Forgiveness"
This is both Angel and Buffy's POV. Buffy's written in italic.
This is dedicated to all those who wanted more to the story. Thanks for the support.
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Enjoy!

There is silence.

Once we reached the mansion it's the quite that you can hear a pin drop. On the trip back to Sunnydale from LA I rehearsed what I was going to say to Buffy. Now when I look at her my mind is in total chaos. What am I suppose to say to her? She has gone on with her life, just like I told her to. I told her to live a `normal' life but I guess I never really thought a boyfriend would enter in the picture. Who was I kidding?

*He is here. He is really here. I still can't believe it. The last time we saw each other it wasn't very pleasant. I said really mean things to him. I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me when he left without any discussion much less a word. I told him I found someone who I loved, that I put my feelings about him behind me. What a lie. All the time I spent with Riley I never said the L word. In my gut I know that Riley knows that I'll never love him like I loved Angel. I'm kidding myself again how much I love Angel. *

I wonder what she is thinking. We are still sitting here in silence. I better go and say something before I lose the courage to tell her the truth. It's funny I have faced every evil force without any hesitation or fear but just the thought of Buffy rejecting me is terrifying.

"Buffy I know this is a lot to process right now.my coming back to your life wasn't planned. I never wanted to disrupt your life again but I had to come. Things have happened to me this last couple of months. I feel as if I'm losing myself and becoming Angelus once more."

"You didn't."

"No no nothing like that. I could never."

"Then what happened? The first time I looked into your eyes back there at my house I could tell something was different."

"Darla came back that's what happened. This law firm that deals with demons brought her back to life. She was human Buffy. She was what I am striving for. I felt connected to her some how. I think it was because for once there was someone out there who knew how it felt like to have a soul, but also knew what total evil felt like as well. If one didn't come to terms with all the guilt it can rip you apart and drive you insane. I wanted to save her. We had things in common and I was drawn to her and that was my downfall."

"What do Cordy and Wes feel about this.attraction?"

"That's the thing. They knew. they knew it wasn't good for my soul but I didn't pay attention until it was too late Darla was like an obsession that I couldn't shake. At the end I fired the ones that were the closest to me because I didn't want to hear that I was wrong."

Now for the hard part, how am I to tell her all the things I did? She probably still remembers my exploits when I became Angelus. I don't want to dread up all the crimes I did and all the pain and heartache I put her and her friends through. But that's what I have to do. All the things I did after Darla was unwillingly turned back into a vampire were characteristics of Angelus.

*Wow this is serious. I never have seen Angel so unravelled before. Darla back in his life is definitely not a good sign. She is the only thing that I can't measure up against. Face it; she and Angel have a history that I can't compete with. She's the one that introduced him to the evil ways, his sire; they were lovers for hundreds of years. No wonder Cordy and Wes tried to talk sense into him. They knew that being with Darla would only bring trouble. They both know how it would be like if Angelus ever reappeared onto the scene.Mayhem. *

"Um Angel are you okay? Did something happen?"

"Yes something happened and I slowly started losing pieces of my soul. I wanted to save her but at the end I was powerless to stop the plans that Wolfram and Hart had all along. I finally convinced Darla that being human with a soul was another chance at life. Then it was brutally taken away from her. The firm hired Drusilla to turn her back into a vampire and I was made to watch."

"That must have been terrible for you. To watch losing her after you worked so hard to save her."

"It questioned my very purpose. I was helping lost souls to gain my redemption and for what? To lose them to evil again and it made me doubt in my very existence. I never win I never really win. What is it all for if I never really accomplish anything? Then I really lost it. When Darla lost her soul I felt I lost a part of my soul too. I wanted vengeance and I was willing to do anything to get it. Do you understand? I didn't care about what was right or wrong anymore. I was losing the little part of me that was human. In hindsight, I believe that was what Wolfram and Hart's agenda was all along. Not to have Darla evil but me. They wanted Angelus. And I fell for it hook, line and sinker."

"Angel you just did what you always do. You tried to save a lost soul."

"And in the process I lost mine"

Now can I tell her that I came back because I realized that she's my salvation? I want her back, all of her. Do I have the right to turn her world upside down again?

*Why did he come back? Why is he here? Is he here for me? Oh I wish he came back for me. Nothing has changed over the years. He is still my beloved. No matter how I tried to forget him he really never left. I tried the normal thing, I got a `normal' boyfriend but it never was real. The only real thing is Angel and we being together.

"I don't have the right to ask this but can we start all over again. I know you are with someone. I want you in my life; I need you in my life. Even if it means to just be your friend," says Angel invading Buffy's thoughts.

"I want you to be in my life too but nothing has changed. You still have that happiness clause and whenever we are with each other our feelings are volatile."

"Actually there is something more important and it's the very reason why I am here now. When I was on the end of my rope. When I figured out my mistakes. I knew I couldn't just get back what I had. I have to earn it and want it back. The only thoughts I had were of you and how you complete me. Years ago when I saw you for the first time that's when I realized my purpose and you are still that purpose. In short you are my salvation."

*I never knew we had a higher connection with each other. I just thought we were like those tragic couples in stories that have to stay apart due to circumstances. We are destined to be with one another and nothing can keep us apart, even gypsy clauses. Angel and I are soul mates.*

There I said it and for some reason Buffy doesn't seem stunned with the revelation. She actually looks relieved. Sometime during our conversation we have moved towards the sofa. We are sitting intimately and my arm is draped across her shoulder. Buffy's head is resting against my chest and I have not felt `at home' for the longest time, until now.

"Angel I have a confession. The situation with Riley was very awkward earlier and I felt responsible. I hate to think like this but it has to be said. I'm with Riley just for the sake that I'm with Riley; do you know what I mean? At the time I met him, I was lonely for you and your words haunted my thoughts. You wanted me to have a `normal life', I tried it and it didn't work. All this time I never said the L word to him because all along my heart belonged to someone else already. I'm tired of denying it, it's you and it's always been you. I have a feeling it will always be you for eternity."

"We tried staying apart but it has made us miserable even to the point that I lost my purpose, my centre. I was wrong we do belong together. I need you in my life so that I can find my soul again. Please will you have me?"

*I have him back and I'm never going to let him go again. He needs me and in return I need him. We are each other's destiny. All the hurt in the past, are forgiven and we have to forge a new life with one another. Who would of every though a Slayer and a vampire soul mates, it reminds me of the sun and moon. Both so different that they take turns ruling the sky but one cannot exist without the other.*

I give her shoulder a squeeze. It was hard coming back to her feeling so vulnerable and needing her help, but I'm glad I did. We can make this work and all our past hurts have made us stronger. We now know that our bond cannot be broken and in time we will heal. I can feel myself getting stronger just being with my beloved again. I will never leave. Yes we have issues to work out but we can handle anything.together.

We look into each other's eyes and we find each other's essence. We are slowly forgiving each other for past mistakes and healing each other's pain. Our lips are drawn to touch and we know it's right, it feels like heaven, our kiss is a promise to a new future. To everything there is a season. and now it's for love.

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