Disclaimer: Not mine, how I wish that they were, but alas, no
Spoilers: Graduation Day Pt. 2, but not anything really major. I don't go into great detail.
Summary: Buffy is having a major nervous breakdown as she's watching Angel leave her.
Feedback: Definitely, let me know what you think.
Distribution: Take it, whatever, just tell me where.
Rating: Same as show.
Author's note: IMPORTANT! To fully comprehend this you have to read it with the emotion Buffy's feeling. It's being narrated by her mind. Bear with me.
Characters: Buffy, reflecting crazily upon the events on Grad. Pt. 2

It's all right, I'm fine. I only need to turn away, and when I wake up, this'll all be a dream. A stupid, pointless dream. I'll wake up, and he'll be holding me, and stroking my hair. Only this isn't a dream, and dammit, my legs won't work. I open my mouth to scream out his name but my vocal chords don't make a sound. I think I'm broken, in more ways than one...

Okay, I'm waiting. If he thinks he's leaving me, he is so... not! He can't leave, he can't. We're meant to be. He's the only thing I can depend on, he's everything I've fought for, everything I've ever risked my life for. No…No, don't turn away, don't walk away. I can change, I can change! I'll wipe out my entire wardrobe and only wear overalls and purple shoes if you want me to Just tell me, I can change... I can be that person again, that person that you loved.

He left me. He left me. I can't believe he left me... You see here, body, this is all your fault. If you'd just done what I told you to do, he'd still be here, and I'd still be sane. I'd still have a life, I'd... Oh, God, he's gone ...

My legs give out beneath me.

Now you decide to work! After everything, after all this, you decide to work. Even after...........

What am I going to do.... I.... I..... What am I going to do?

My legs won't work, my voice is conveniently gone... and so is he ...

Oh, God, I think I'm gonna die, I think I'm gonna... My breath hitches, and I feel bile rise in the back of my throat. I wretch , empty my guts, my empty, aching guts, all over the pavement.

"Angel," my voice rasps, and I know I'm past hysterical now. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

You work now, You work now! Where in the hell were you when he was leaving? Where in the hell were you when I needed you to save me?! He's gone and if you would've raised that Godforsaken little voice of yours, he wouldn't be!

God... Oh, God...

I catch my head in my hands as tears begin to track their way down my face, leaving evidence of my grief in their wake.

He had to leave, had to be noble, and leave me with this mess to deal with.

Well, fine, go to Hell! Who needs you anyway, Oh, God... I do, I do!

Dammit! Why? Why did you have to leave? Why do I have to love you so much? Why are you so selfish as to think you're doing something good for me, when you know you're not?

Come back, please, I love you, I need you.... Please. Just come back .....

As the world rages in chaos around me, I crumble, my body wracked with painful sobs.

I just want you to come back, please...

~That be it folks

Send feedback to Whitney

Back to the Fanfiction Archive