Rating Pg-13, nothing really majorly bad.
Summary: Buffy's gone over the top, finally
Timeline: Why don't we just say like beginning of the 6th season when she was majorly messed up.
Spoilers: Nothing major at all. Little reference to Amends that's it.
Pairings: B/A, and a little reference to A/someone else, but I never mention names.
Distrubution: Whoever wants it, take it. Just tell me where
Authors note: To all of you guys who read my story Black and White to Orange and Red it's still being worked on and I should get it up in the next few hours, hopefully. Thanx for being patient for me :)

I love him. I always have. When I saw him with her, I just went over the top. He was kissing her when he said that he'd love always love me. He lied. I was so gullible to believe him. I was young, I was stupid, I was arrogant, I was... head over heels in love... with him. I always will be, and I hate him for it. He fooled me, he left me, and the awful truth will forever be that he never loved me.

I love him... I hate myself for it... I can't go on, not now, not ever. I'm on the phone now, and I just poured out my heart and soul to him... he's begging, utterly and pitifully begging me to stay with him on this Earth, to fight, like I told him to so long a go, on that snowy day... I can't even remember when that was anymore, just that I saved him. But he'll never get the chance to save me, will he? No, I'm too far-gone for saving now. I'm delirious; I at least know this. If I were in my right mind, I would've never called him if I had been sane enough to function. No, now I'm just acting on instinct, on gut feelings. And he's the only person I've ever really felt, you know?

He's sobbing on the line, just babbling. He's telling me that he loves me, that he's always loved me... that he never stopped. Lies, all lies. Every single syllable, every single sentence... He tells me that the woman kissed him, that it was all a big misunderstanding...Another lie... There's too much blood now, too much warm, sticky fluid coming from my wrists. He's free now, you know... free from me, free from the burden of having to go away for my sake, and free of having to lie, to get him in even deeper trouble with God... I giggle lightly... God, here I come!

I'm empty, I can't move anymore. My vision is blurry; the carpet is stained red... I can barely even hear him now. Is he still crying? I'm done, though, I'm dead, don't you get it? Dead! You shouldn't feel a thing! Nice act you've got on, buddy! I've been dead for a long time, but no, you just now realize it when it's too late! Tears run down my face in a last attempt to hide my real feelings. I don't want to leave, Oh, God, what have I done?!

I'm suddenly not on the floor anymore. I'm floating; I'm empty, without him... There'll be no heaven, nor no Hell without him, without my Angel.

Nothingness, a feeling of utter darkness... What if he did love me, what if he did care? Damn...

There's no going back. I'm free- free from my body, and free from his love. For forever. Forever, damn, that's a long time. A long time without him.

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