Disclaimers: None of the characters are mine, though I'd happily accept any of them except Riley.
Spoilers: It's December of 1999. IWRY on Angel, Doyle's still alive, and Something Blue on Buffy, only Buffy and Riley are (YUCK!) involved, and the Initiative knows about Buffy and visa versa. Specific spoilers for Graduation Day, Surprise and Innocence, all of the Buffy-Angel stuff.
Distribution: Ask me first, and I'll probably say yes.
Feedback: PLEASE! goredwings@usa.net
Summary: All Buffy wants is to have a nice Christmas with her boyfriend and friends. A demonless (not counting Spike) evening, with presents and a big fancy dinner. But we all know that can't happen. Buffy's first clue is when Angel and gang show up `cause there's some big demon thing after her…
Rating: Mmm… R for implied sex and language.
Author's Note: I made up a character named Richard. I don't even know if anyone will notice the mention of him, but I'm just mentioning it here so I don't get a bunch of e-mails questioning me. This story didn't end up going quite where I had planned on it going. It was supposed to be much shorter and fluffier, but somehow… I get this. Hmm. Lemme know what you think! This is based on a challenge one of my friends found for me. They didn't get the name of whoever created it though, sorry! If it's yours, let me know and I'll give you credit. I didn't follow the challenge very well, `cause I changed my mind midway through it on what was gonna happen. And I apologize, `cause this is the first time I've ever tried writing a story based on a challenge… and I don't think it's quite right, but hey. I like it anyway. Now please read and send feedback. goredwings@usa.net
And in case anyone cares, I hate my computer 'cause it's so freakin' SLOW!!!!!!!

Must take place around Christmas or New Year's. It can be this year or years in the future, but everything through "I Will Remember You" has to have taken place (This means taking away the perfect day).
Main Characters must be Buffy and Angel. Others are welcome.
Must include at least ten of the following:
Candy canes
Red ribbon
A puppy
Ice-skating
A Santa suit
One of those sexy short little red dresses (think Santa's prettier elves) that are off the shoulder and trimmed at the neckline, hem and sleeves with white fur… you know what I mean… right?
Snow
A fireplace
Exchange of presents
A falling star
A power outage
Smut
Some kind of miracle
Buffy remembers (or has to remember) THE day
Champagne
*A fight where Buffy gets hurt, emotionally or physically (doesn't necessarily have to be with Angel)
Must include one of the following two songs.
"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" (because of the holidays) or "Breathe" (because I've been listening to a lot of music that makes me cry and this just seems to be really nice for their day.)
Author's Note: I made up a character named Richard. I don't even know if anyone will notice the mention of him, but I'm just mentioning it here so I don't get a bunch of e-mails questioning me. This story didn't end up going quite where I had planned on it going. It was supposed to be much shorter and fluffier, but somehow… I get this. Hmm. Lemme know what you think!

Dressed in a short little Santa's elf dress, with the fluffy neckline and hems, Buffy twirled around in front of the mirror. She adjusted the hemline on the neck, tugging it a little lower, then pulling down a little at the bottom. It was one thing to hint at what was beneath, it was quite another to actually show it off. Especially when her underwear wouldn't hide much of anything, she thought with a slight grin.

She tied a ribbon around her neck choker-style, then she studied her reflection in the mirror, then took out her makeup case. She added just a little eye shadow, then added a dark red lipstick. She smiled a little at her reflection, then slipped on her matching heels. She turned away from the mirror and grabbed her leather duffel from the bed, and slipped her ice skates in it. She and Riley were hoping to go skating after dinner. Then she added some candy canes and gifts for all of her friends and Riley. Lastly, she added her Christmas CDs, which she'd borrowed from her mother, and her portable CD player and extra batteries. She wasn't sure if Giles had a CD player after all.

She hesitated for a moment when she was picking out her jacket, and finally decided on Angel's-no, her leather jacket. It was warmer than the rest of her jackets, even if it wouldn't help keep her legs warm. And even if it did remind her of the vampire that she still lov-

"You ready?" Willow asked as she entered the room. She stopped suddenly, seeing Buffy. "Whoa." She said, her eyes wide as she took in Buffy's apparel.

Buffy grinned and eyed her friend's Christmas get-up. Willow had decided, despite being Jewish, that she would celebrate Christmas with the gang, and she was dressed in green stretch pants and a cute top that made her look like an elf. Especially with the hat that matched. "You like?"

"I think Riley's going to drop dead when he sees you." Willow said, smiling. She went over to her bed and grabbed her bag. "Shall we?" she questioned.

Buffy grabbed the lipstick and tossed it in her bag, then surveyed her appearance in the mirror on the back of her door. Then the two women exited the dorm room and started towards Giles's flat, where they were having Christmas a few days early. Everyone was going out of town for the actual day itself.

"Have yourself a merry little Christmas, Keep the faith, uh, de dah!" Xander's off-key voice was the first thing they heard as they walked down the steps towards the flat. Buffy and Willow exchanged amused looks and entered, not bothering to knock. Xander stood in the back corner, dressed in a Santa suit with no beard an no hat. He was tucking the last gift under the small tree they'd made Giles put up.

"Merry Christmas," Giles said, turning to face them. He had refused to dress up. "Please Xander. Shut up."

"Yeah, you're breaking my bloody ear drums," Spike complained from the chair in the corner of the front room. He was dressed in a shirt that said something about what Santa could do with candy canes.

Buffy rolled her eyes and slipped out of the jacket, revealing her skimpy outfit.

Spike's mouth dropped open. "Bloody hell," he said loudly. "Now I know why Angel was so flippin' excited." Of course, he also knew this from Red's spell a week ago. Damn it all if the Slayer didn't kiss almost as good as Dru.

Buffy scowled at him. He knew the rules by now. No one talked about Angel when-

"Who's Angel?" Riley questioned, coming up behind his girlfriend. He'd gotten to Giles's early. Buffy kissed him for a long moment, hoping to distract him. It didn't work. Riley looked at her expectantly. She shrugged. "An old friend," she said, trying to make it sound like that was all he was. As soon as he turned his back, she glared at Spike once more. He just smirked at her.

"So, when's dinner?" Anya questioned, ignoring the other conversations. She really didn't care about them, unless Xander was involved, or she was.

Giles was in the kitchen. "Fifteen minutes." He answered, frowning as he scrambled to stir the mashed potatoes gravy, and to arrange everything nicely. "Bloody hell," he muttered, as he smelled something burning.

Willow went to help him, and Buffy and Riley sat down on the couch, with Buffy chatting about her dress.

Spike watched them for a moment, then rolled his eyes. It was pitifully easy to see what was going on with the Slayer and Riley. Not a damn thing. The way the chit had tensed when he'd brought up Angel was the big sign there. That and the fact that he was fairly sure the Slayer hadn't slept with him yet. But judging by her skimpy little outfit, that would quickly change. Spike sighed. As much as he understood his sire's reason for leaving, it was also incredibly annoying. The Slayer would only pretend to be cheerful and happy now, and Spike was fairly certain that if it weren't for the bloody chip in his head, he'd be able to beat her ass… the thought brought a smile to his face. But seriously though, she'd lost the spark in her that had made her so good.

He sighed and started watching the Slayer again. He had to be able to harass her about something, so he had to watch to find something to bring up.

As soon as Riley and Xander were talking, Buffy went into the kitchen and started to help Giles. She was cheerful. This holiday meal would go so much better than the last one. She just knew it.

The doorbell rang. "I got it," Buffy said, humming along with "Silent Night", which was playing in the background. She went over to the door, setting down the tray of Christmas cookies, and then opened it. The smile of greeting faded from her face when she saw who it was. "Angel," she said, trying not to totally lose her cool. Or to faint. Or something else dramatic like that.

"And me," Cordelia said, smiling. "And you remember Doyle, right?

Well, he had another vision thingy."

Visions of a perfect Christmas disappeared from Buffy's mind. They were replaced with the image of Angel meeting Riley. With Spike around to watch.

Giles, curious about who was at the door, joined her. He raised an eyebrow slightly. "Angel. Cordelia. Good to see you."

"Merry Christmas." The brunette said cheerfully. "Can we come in?"

"Oh, yes, of course, please do." Giles stepped back out of the way, and nudged Buffy. Pale as Angel, the Slayer moved aside so they could come in.

"Dead-I mean, Angel." Xander said, standing up. He glanced at Riley, realizing what this meant. He smirked. "Hey Cordy." He eyed Doyle. "You must be vision man, Doyle."

The Irishman nodded. "That I am. You'd be Xander?" The dark haired young man nodded, obviously pleased. That meant Cordelia had been talking about them.

Cordelia glanced around the room. "Hail, hail, the gang's all here." Her eyes narrowed slightly as she saw Riley.

"Hi, I'm Riley,"

The room went silent as Riley stood, introducing himself to Angel. The vampire, to his credit, didn't flinch. "Angel," he said, shaking his hand.

Cordelia, on the other hand, grimaced. "This is the new one, huh?" She rolled her eyes, then saw Spike on the chair in the back corner. "Spike!" she exclaimed, grabbing Angel's arm and jumping behind him.

Angel, who already knew about Spike's chip from Thanksgiving, didn't even flinch. He glanced at his child, and then looked away.

"He's neutered," Giles explained. He glanced at Buffy, who was still silent, then looked at the threesome again. "What brings you to Sunnydale?"

"Ooh, Doyle had a really nasty vision with Buffy in it, so we came to do the protecting thing." Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Nice outfit, Buffy." She rolled her eyes.

Buffy didn't really care what the brunette thought.

Angel didn't either. It was killing him to see her dressed like that, when she looked so damned sexy and wonderful… He forced himself to ignore that. Especially when he knew for certain that she now had a boyfriend. Her something new… "We just came by to tell you we're in town," he said, in his normal quiet voice. He barely glanced at Buffy. "We'll get out of here-"

"No, stay," Willow insisted, standing up. She was the only one who looked completely pleased to see them. Xander was only pleased because it meant probable bloodshed, and the upcoming loss of one Riley Finn. He really hated Fish Boy. "You guys should stay for dinner, and then visit for a while. We don't get to see you guys nearly enough."

"Excellent idea," Giles agreed. He, as much as he hated to admit it, wanted to see how everything would work out. Hopefully, he added to himself, with Riley getting his bloody commando ass kicked.

Cordelia agreed. "Sure, we'll stay,"

Simultaneously, Buffy and Angel stared to speak. "I don't think-" the stopped mid-sentence, looking at each other. "That's probably not a good idea," Angel finished.

Cordelia smiled broadly. "Of course it is. Any idea I have is good. And don't even think about threatening me, `cause you can't fire me `cause I hired myself."

Doyle rolled his eyes. "I don't think it'll hurt any bit if we just stay for a while, Angel, man."

"Yeah," Willow agreed, looking firmly at Buffy. "It'll be fun. We can catch up on everything, and there'll be less leftovers."

So the Scooby gang was joined by three more members. And Buffy lost her chance at a perfect Christmas.

*

Though Angel and Spike chose not to eat, Buffy felt severely uncomfortable. Spike had already said too much, mentioning his involvement in the spell that Willow had done the previous week, and surprising the gang from LA. And Riley, who hadn't realized that the whole fiancée thing had been real.

That had created a little bit of an uproar, mostly from Cordelia, who'd been laughing. Of course, she'd shut up quickly when Angel had mentioned something about a guy named Richard calling. No one bothered to explain about that.

After dinner, the human and half demon members of the gang began stuffing themselves with cookies and other little deserts. Those that had gifts exchanged them, in a Secret Santa kind of way. And then they'd decided to go to the Bronze for the big Christmas party that was happening there.

Halfway to the club, they'd been ambushed by a huge group of vampires and demons. The demons went after the better fighters, Buffy, Angel, and Spike, and the vamps went after the rest of the crowd. The demon that went after Buffy was particularly ugly, and carried a huge sword, which he wielded expertly.

With only one stake, and a pair of really high high-heels, Buffy was feeling just slightly disadvantaged. Nonetheless, she managed to get in several good hits and punches.

Even so, the demon managed to stab her with his sword, drawing far too much blood for Buffy's liking. Buffy cried out in pain, and the demon kicked her once more. She fell to the ground, rolling to get away from it. Angel twisted the neck of the demon he was battling, and it crumpled to the ground. Eerily, it seemed to remain standing for a moment before it fell. Angel wasn't there to watch it. He had grabbed the demon that'd stabbed Buffy, and was struggling with it. Buffy managed to get up, and punched the demon in its stomach. The demon leaned back, then jerked forward, throwing Angel over his shoulders. The vampire snarled and his face changed.

Riley, who was battling another vampire, saw this, and nearly dropped his weapon. He kept himself from doing that, but he did fire a wild shot, which hit the demon in the back. The demon roared furiously, and raised his hands, screaming something in Latin.

A huge vortex formed, in front of Buffy and Angel. The demon waved his hands towards them, and the vortex engulfed them. They disappeared, leaving the rest of the gang alone. The demon was gone as well.

*

Angel woke slowly, with a horrible headache. He sat up, trying to figure out where he was, and what was going on. And why there was a foot deep snowfall around him. He glanced around him, then swore softly. Buffy was sprawled out in the snow, also unconscious. He went to her side, checking for her pulse. He let out a soft sigh of relief when he found one. Then he realized that she was probably freezing in the snow, and he slipped off his jacket, and gently slipped it around her, or for the moment, under her so she wouldn't freeze in the snow. She moaned softly, and her eyes fluttered open.

For a long moment, she just looked at him, confused. Then, "Angel?" she whispered, her voice sounding odd.

"You okay?" he questioned as she sat up. She looked at the jacket with a little surprise, then at him.

"It's not like I need it," he murmured quietly. He stood up, and after a moment, she stood too, pulling the jacket tighter around herself.

"Any idea where we are?" she questioned, sighing.

He shook his head. "No idea."

"Any suggestions on what to do then?" Buffy sighed as she looked around the woods, and shivered again. "God, it's cold," she muttered.

Angel bit his tongue to keep from asking her if it could have anything to do with her outfit. She scowled at him, knowing exactly what he was thinking. "So. Do we walk, or stay put?"

He looked at her. "They usually say to stay put when you're lost."

She frowned. He shrugged. "I'm not one for rules like that."

She shrugged. "Neither am I."

They started walking.

*

Buffy was convinced they'd been walking for days, but she knew in reality, it had only been an hour or so. Their trip was made in silence, except for the occasional comment from one of them.

It was with great relief that Angel finally spotted a cabin ahead. "Look," he said, pointing towards it.

Buffy looked towards it. "Thank god," she muttered, shivering from the cold, relieved to see it. They started towards it.

After checking quickly for signs of life and finding none, Buffy and Angel gathered in the small sitting room. Buffy curled up on the couch, pulling the jacket around her. She couldn't help but to shiver. Angel glanced at her, then went over to the fireplace, and got a fire going.

"Thanks," Buffy murmured, still pulling the jacket around her. He tossed her a blanket, and she pulled it over herself.

"I'm gonna go check outside," Angel said after a moment. "Try and find someway out of here."

"Where ever here is," Buffy added, nodding a little. She watched in silence as he slipped out the door once more.

Within another five minutes, she was asleep on the couch.

*

When Angel returned, he found her tossing and turning, sweating and shivering. He muttered a curse and went to her side. "Buffy, wake up," he said, worried about her.

She moaned, and twisted. But she didn't wake. Angel touched her forehead and looked grim. She had a fever. A pretty high one.

Carefully, he lifted her up and carried her into the bedroom, setting her on the bed. As he did so, her smelled the blood from the wound on her stomach. He hesitated only for a moment before stripping her so he could examine the injury.

It wasn't good, but it wasn't so bad that she'd have even needed stitches. It was just a surface wound, really. Sighing, he stood and started towards the bathroom to get the first aid supplies, so he could start fixing it up. He didn't even get to the door before she started throwing up. Swearing, he hurried back to her side, having the sense of mind to grab a garbage can. She still managed to make a mess though. As soon as she had finished, he cleaned her up and moved her back on the couch so he could clean the bedroom up, and get himself clean clothes.

Oddly enough, there was a pretty decent selection of clothing in the cabin, his size and hers. He pushed the question of how aside and went back to cleaning. That done, he returned to the front room, and brought Buffy back to the bed. Then he went to get the first aid supplies.

When he returned, she'd rolled over on her side and pushed the blanket off, and was nearly falling out of the skimpy bra she wore. Angel felt like dying. At least in hell when he'd seen their version of Buffy he'd been able to distract himself with the pain he was in. But this… oh god she was too damn gorgeous for her own good. He covered her up with the blanket again, then realized how pointless that was and folded it down so he could bandage her wound. She whimpered as he touched the wound and tried to jerk away. The strap of her bra slipped down, and Angel swore out loud, painfully. He managed to concentrate on the wound for a moment though, and wiped away the blood.

She whimpered again, twisting and turning, and thrashing around. Somehow, she managed to fall off the bed. Angel caught her, and started to place her on the bed again, but she stopped whimpering and cuddled against him. Her fingers were clinging to his shirt, and she pressed her face against his chest.

The other strap on her bra slid down. He looked up for a moment, holding her awkwardly. Then he carefully tried to set her down. "Come on Buffy," he murmured, trying to get her to let go of him. The bra was barely in place now, and it wasn't fun for him.

Her face twisted in agony. "No, Angel," she whimpered. "Angel," she said again, clinging to him. She wouldn't let him go. Unsure what to do, but knowing he didn't want to deal with this after two days of no sleep, he sighed and carefully shifted her over on the bed, and laid down next to her. She moaned a little, and relaxed her hold on him, choosing instead to just press herself against him. Hard.

Angel closed his eyes again. Oh yeah. He'd get a lot of sleep tonight.

*

Somehow, after a long time of laying next to her and praying for self- control, he managed to fall asleep. When he woke up, it was noon the next day, and sun was shining around him. Which meant they were in a different dimension.

Buffy still had a fever, but it felt like it had gone down a little. She laid with her back towards him, pressed up close. Angel realized he had his arms around her, and quickly remedied that. She made a small noise of protest, but relaxed once she readjusted herself so she faced him and her hands were against his chest. The bra was on the floor.

Angel closed his eyes. He had no idea what he was doing. Caring for her when she was sick, or just in the being around her when she was still half naked sense.

But. More importantly, at least at that moment. He hadn't eaten since before he'd left for Sunnydale. Which, when you were a normal vampire wasn't a problem because they didn't have any qualms about eating people and eating often. Unfortunately, he wasn't normal and did have problems doing that. He'd have to find a way to get something to eat. Which might prove difficult if they had to stay there long because he hadn't seen any signs of life except for Buffy and he. Not good.

And for the moment, he was a little too hungry to stay in bed with Buffy. Who he could still remember tasting… Quickly, he covered her up as much as she could, and slid out of the bed. She immediately whimpered. "Angel, no, don't… Angel…"

He ignored her for the moment and went out to the kitchen. On a fluke, he checked the refrigerator. He wasn't really surprised that it was stocked with food, but no blood.

He sighed and went to rebuild the fire, which had died down over the night and morning.

Just as he finished, he heard a crash coming from the bedroom, and hurried in there. Buffy was kneeling on the floor in front of the garbage can, her shoulders shaking as she threw up. Angel hurried over to her, and held her shoulder comfortingly.

After what seemed like forever, she finished, and sat there, trying to recover. Angel waited a moment to be sure she wouldn't start again, then stood and got her a cup of water and a wet wash cloth, and a towel, which he helped wrap around her. Then he helped her into the bathroom. "Rinse your mouth out," he ordered her gently, and waited with her while she did so. Dimly she realized she was only in her skimpiest underwear, but decided not to bother asking him how she'd gotten that way. She probably wouldn't want to know. Instead she concentrated on not feeling dizzy and sick and yucky and… Angel managed to grab her, steadying her and helping her back into the bed. She looked so pitiful. Obviously dizzy, hot, and confused, she laid in the bed, her eyes half closed as she watched him. "You need anything?" he questioned quietly.

"Water," she croaked. Her throat was so dry… and her mouth still tasted horrible.

He nodded and got her a glass, then carefully helped her drink it. He tried to pull the blanket over her, for his sake more than hers, but she shook her head desperately. "No. Hot."

He looked away for a moment, then looked back at her. "Anything else?" he murmured.

"You're cold," she rasped, still disorientated. And Angel was starting to think she was a little delirious. She probably had no idea what she was talking about. He moved some hair out of her face, and she whimpered a little. "Good." She rasped.

He suddenly realized what she meant. She was so hot, and he was… room temperature. Rather cold. He shook his head a little, amused despite everything. "Get some sleep, Buffy," he ordered her.

She frowned at him, but her eyes were growing more and more foggy. Probably because he'd found some painkillers in the cupboard and crushed it up and put it in the water. And it was some special stuff that would make her sleep.

"Hot," she murmured, fighting the urge to sleep. He could see that in her face. He stayed with her for a while longer, until she fell asleep. Then he went back out into the front room where he wouldn't be tempted to do something he'd regret later…

Grow close to her again… or to satisfy one of the other two hungers he had for her.

*

It was still way to hot in the room, Buffy decided groggily. It had taken her a few moments to figure out where she was, but then she'd remembered seeing Angel… he'd been sitting next to the bed… everything else was a little foggy.

She still felt like crap though, and she wasn't sure if she could stand without getting dizzy and barfing. But she really had to go pee, and didn't really want to have Angel help her with that. After stalling for as long as she could, she finally managed to sit up. "Okay," she said softly. "That's good. Now I just have to get over to the rest of the way." She frowned a little at her words. Was that right? Then she decided to forget about it. She had a headache and needed to pee badly now. She stumbled to her feet, fighting back a wave of nausea as she did. She paused for a long moment. Then she started over to the bathroom door. She made it about half way there before she realized she wasn't gonna make it, and sat down on the ground in the middle of the room, trying not to cry. She hated being sick, and she really had to pee, and she felt like she was gonna barf, and…

She felt Angel's cool hands helping her up, and helping her get the rest of the way. She wanted to cry still. This was humiliating. He stepped outside of the bathroom to wait to help her back to the bed and the sheets were pulled up completely over her. They were both silent until she was laying down again. "Thanks." She said roughly, still a bit embarrassed. She looked up at him, and frowned a little. He looked paler than normal, and wouldn't meet her gaze. "What… what's going? Going on, I mean…"

"Go back to sleep," he said firmly, ignoring her question. He did look at her though, and then looked away quickly. She frowned in confusion, but didn't feel like arguing. "You can… tell me later," she said, half out loud, half to herself. She frowned in confusion.

He nodded. "I will."

And he sat down by the bed once more, waiting for her to fall asleep. As soon as she did, he looked away from her. Every time he did look at her, his eyes were drawn to her neck, or lower. The first sickened him at the same time that the second made him want to die.

He didn't realize how long he'd been by her until he happened to look at his watch and it was an hour later. She whimpered in her sleep and twisted around, the sheets slipping down when she kicked them off of her. Angel groaned softly. She was too damn beautiful for her own good.

She twisted again, and the sheet fell down well below her shoulders. Angel was seriously considering getting some tape and taping them in place before she drove him crazy.

She shifted again, mumbling something in her sleep. The muscles in her face twitched, and she whimpered again. "No, no," she whispered. She arched her neck, and Angel looked away quickly. He couldn't handle that much more. He stood up, going out to the front room, then out the door to the snowy outside. Even staying in the same house with her was getting hard.

*

For the next two days, Buffy rarely saw Angel. She saw him once when he helped her throw up again, then once again when he helped her to the bathroom. No less humiliating the second time. She also got help from him when she put on a nightshirt he'd found in a closet.

It was then that she learned where he thought they were. In a different dimension of hell, one where demons could send people temporarily. He'd figured it out because it was the only plausible explanation for him being able to go in the sunlight here.

She knew he came in the room when she was sleeping because when she woke up, she always had a fresh glass of water and anything else she could imagine wanting.

He did come in her room one other time, to bring her some soup. Broth, really, but still… it tasted like the best in the world to her. He waited around to make sure she could handle eating it on her own, then hurriedly left. Buffy didn't understand why, and was a little hurt.

It was their fourth night there when she found out was going on. She'd been feeling better and better all day, and had managed to get out of bed. She'd found the closet with the clothes in it and pulled on a pair of black pants and a loose white top that left her shoulders bare. The only reason she picked it was because it wouldn't pull on her stomach wound that was still healing, slowly and painfully.

After getting dressed, she made her way out into the front room, planning on finding out from Angel where they were and what was going on. To her surprise, she found the vampire standing at the window, his fists clenched, and a pained look on his face.

"Angel?" she questioned quietly.

He flinched. "Leave. Now."

"What's going on?" she questioned, louder this time. She took a step closer to him., confusion and worry on her face.

He closed his eyes, not looking at her. "Please Buffy," he said, a note of desperation in his voice. "Go. Now."

Suddenly, it clicked with her. He'd said it was a dimension for humans… not vampires. He was paler than she'd ever seen him. And the way he'd looked at her the last time he'd seen her, and the not looked at her since… "Oh god," she breathed, horrified. "How long has it been since you had blood?" she questioned.

"Buffy, leave!" his voice was unsteady.

She looked at him for a long moment, taking a long look at him. Then she stepped closer to him. "Angel," she said quietly.

"It's been too long." He said roughly, not looking at her because he knew what she was trying to do. "I can't stop myself…"

"Then I will." She said firmly, ignoring her own doubts. She wouldn't let her fear show. He'd drunken from her before. She'd survived.

"Buffy, please," he said desperately. "I can't."

She hesitated again, working up her courage. Then she stepped closer to him, grabbing his shoulder and forcing him to turn. "Do it Angel. Now."

He vamped out, his eyes directed immediately to her neck. He was so hungry…

He could smell her fear. It made his hunger worse. "Don't," he said closing his eyes, then opening them again. He began backing away from her.

She swore, and punched him. This time, one hit was all it took, he was so desperate. He grabbed her almost before she could react, his mouth against the side of her neck. The other side was the one with the scar. She could feel his tongue on her neck, searching for the best place to taste. He found it, and he bit down. She closed her eyes against the pain… and the pleasure. She whimpered a little. He drank desperately, and Buffy knew that he needed her blood more than he'd have even admitted to himself. She could feel everything going so weird even as he dropped her down on the ground underneath him… She was getting dizzy again. She felt the first stages of unconsciousness coming at the same time as she felt his feeding get a little less intense. Oh god, she had to stop him. He was gonna take too much…

She began struggling against him, and he snarled, pinning her arms down. With her recent weakness, it wasn't hard. He was almost gentle now, but he was taking… Buffy closed her eyes. Even if he did take too much she'd still love him…

Too bad she'd just remembered that.

Angel felt control returning to him and immediately pulled back, breathing heavily. He didn't bother to wipe the blood from his face. She hadn't been able to stop him, he realized dimly as he checked her for a pulse. He'd never been so relieved to find one, and lifted her up, cradling her against him. "Oh, Buffy," he said, horrified.

She didn't respond.

*

She woke up slowly, and was a little surprised to remember everything that had happened. Usually it took a minute. She was a little dizzy from the blood loss, but that didn't bother her. She was too worried about Angel. She glanced to her side and was a little surprised to see the vampire in the chair next to her. He was motionless, his eyes closed. He didn't even pretend to breath like he normally did. "Angel?" she murmured, a little groggy from sleep still.

He looked up immediately, and an expression of profound relief crossed his face. "I thought I killed you." He said a little dully. "But you had a pulse and here you are." He stood and started to leave. "I told you not to do that." She stopped him from leaving. "I'm sorry." She said it with no emotion in her voice. "I'm sorry I didn't want you to die right in front of me. I'm sorry I didn't let you starve yourself to death. I'm sorry I didn't-"

"Stop it." He snapped. He met her gaze for the first time. And Buffy saw the fear and the exhaustion on his face. But there was mostly anger and frustration. "I could have killed you Buffy. I can't control myself after a certain point. And yesterday, it was beyond even that. You've been sick for days, Buffy. You were barely strong enough to stand as it was, but then you got me to feed from you."

"What did you want me to do?" she demanded, furious. "Just let you die `cause you didn't have blood? Angel, I couldn't do it at graduation, I can't do it this year. I could never do that. And maybe you're forgetting I'm the Slayer and I've been bitten before."

"You died the first time, you were nearly dead the second time." He returned. "Damn it Buffy, get beyond that then. I'm gonna have to live with the fact that I've fed off of you twice." He met her gaze, and she finally saw the utter hopelessness he felt at the moment. "It's not something I can just forget about or redeem myself for."

"Why not?" she demanded. "You didn't kill me, and I'll be fine."

He looked away from her. His voice was quiet. "You're the Slayer Buffy. I'm a vampire, I've still got a demon in me, and a bloodlust." He looked at her again. "You are the only person I've ever tasted and not killed."

She didn't blink, but it surprised her. She didn't know why. She'd known he'd killed people, and drunken from them, but she'd just never thought about her being the only one he hadn't… finished.

He continued, his voice just as cold. "We don't know how long we're gonna be here. I would rather die now than have to even think about touching you like that again."

She met his gaze with an uncommon frankness that neither was used to. "And I would rather kill myself than watch you die when I know I could do something to stop it."

"It's not that simple Buffy."

"It is. You-you can take blood from me-"

He turned and began walking away.

"Don't do that!" she ordered, furious. "You don't have a choice, and neither do I."

He looked at her, ready to finish arguing, but her next words stopped him. She closed her eyes. "I can't watch you die. I love you too much."

The room was so quiet that Buffy felt like she could hear her own heartbeat. The silence seemed to stretch forever. Then he spoke. "I know. I love you too."

"Why did you leave, Angel?" she questioned, looking at him again.

"I told you why." He answered, not looking at her.

"I don't buy that," she snapped suddenly.

"The curse." He said simply. He crossed his arms in front of himself. "We had come too close too many times, and I couldn't risk letting my demon free again."

She almost didn't catch it. He started to leave again, but then she frowned. "Couldn't. What's changed since then?"

He hesitated. "I found out the curse was permanent."

She nearly fell out of the bed. "What?"

His gaze was even as he looked at her. "You heard me."

"When were you planning on telling me this?"

He shrugged. "I would have told you first thing. But then I found you so happy with your new boyfriend that I figured you probably wouldn't give a damn."

"How-? How could you even think that?" she demanded, sounding somewhere between shocked and disbelieving.

He just looked at her. She closed her eyes again, shaking her head. "Oh, no, no, no," she murmured, covering her face with her hands. "God no. Angel, I was going to break up with Riley. He's an annoying prick who's part of some government funded army program that takes out demons and vamps and stuff." She looked at him again. But she couldn't say anything.

For a long moment, they were both silent, avoiding each other's gazes. Then Buffy stood up and tried to go over to the closet to get something to wear. As she got there, she leaned against the doors, dizzy. The blood loss had affected her more than she wanted to admit. The whole room was spinning.

Angel realized this and hurried over to help steady her. After a moment, she looked up at him, a thank-you on her lips. But the words died as their eyes met. She licked her lips, uncertainty in her gaze. "Permanent?" she asked quietly.

He nodded slightly.

And somehow they managed to get to the bed, Angel tugging off the bra that had bothered him so much over the past few days, and Buffy frantically undoing the buttons on the shirt he wore.

It was great.

*

Curled up so that Buffy laid half next to him, half on top, the two laid on the couch a while later, in front of the fireplace. The flickering flames cast shadows across their faces, and Buffy studied her lover's relaxed expression. She'd never seen him look so wonderful…

His eyes opened and he looked at her. "Why aren't you asleep?" he murmured, shifting her a little.

She rested her head on his chest. "I've been asleep for too long already. But you should sleep. You look exhausted."

His lips curled into a slight smile. "Not too tired."

She smirked. "Oh really?"

They exchanged a long kiss, then Buffy returned to resting her head against his chest. "Everything's perfect," she said softly. "I've always wanted to feel like this…"

"This is the first time I ever really felt this way."

"What way?"

"Just like I've always wanted to…"

Angel closed his eyes painfully. She didn't see. "I know baby," he whispered, almost too soft for her to hear.

She looked up at him as he opened his eyes. "You okay?" she questioned, seeing the sadness in his eyes.

He hesitated. "I… I'll tell you later." He couldn't handle thinking about their day. Not now. Not ever.

She frowned a little, but he smiled faintly, distracting her. "What?" she questioned, smiling back. "What's so funny?"

"Nothing's funny," he said quietly. "I'm just…"

She looked up at him lovingly. "I know," she said softly. "Angel?" she continued after another long moment.

"Hmm?"

She smiled a little mischievously. "If you're sure you're not too tired, you could help me understand exactly how much you love me…"

He smiled. "Oh? Who says I do?"

She scowled at him.

He rolled her on her side so they were next to each other, and kissed her lips. "You win," he murmured as he began kissing her lower and lower. "I love you so much I'd die for you…"

"I'd die for you twenty times over," she returned, her expression somber. They kissed gently. "I love you so much I'd do anything for you," he continued. He smiled faintly. "I'd put up with Xander and Spike even."

She smirked. "Well, that sure proves it," she said, smirking.

"I think so," he teased.

She rolled her eyes. "Moving on…" she murmured, and began kissing him again.

*

The next morning was Christmas. They spent the morning in bed, cuddling and kissing, and Angel made her breakfast. It was noon before they got out of bed, and they ended up going outside, Buffy dressed in a pair of jeans and a warm sweater, and a warm leather coat over that. They didn't do much but relax and talk about little things. And get in a little snow fight under the false sunlight of hell.

After that, they returned to the little cabin, and warmed up. Buffy made herself a quick lunch, then returned to bed with him.

It was then that they discussed exactly what they were going to be able to do to get back to their world. And Angel realized how afraid she was that she would be in this world forever.

"I miss them," she admitted, snuggling up next to him. "I wanna see everybody's faces when they see their gifts, but I'm afraid I won't be able to do that."

He kissed the top of her head. She smiled faintly. "And then there's the fact that I'm afraid I'm never gonna see my mom and dad again." She looked at Angel. "What do you think they'll tell her?" she asked softly, her eyes filling with tears. "Sorry Joyce, but Buffy got sucked into hell `cause of some demon thingy, and we can't get her out?"

"Buffy," he said softly. "You have to trust them. I'm sure they're going to figure it out. And they'll be able to find a way to get us back there."

Buffy closed her eyes. "But what if they don't?"

She opened her eyes again, looking at him. "Then we'll deal," he said firmly.

She sighed. "I know. I just…" She sighed once more and looked at him. "Let's change the subject."

"Okay," he agreed. He smiled a little. "Since I didn't exactly bring a Christmas gift with me for you, we'll have to think of something to do special for you." He began nibbling on her earlobe, and she closed her eyes in pleasure.

Her lips curved into a stunning smile. "Hmm. What could I ever want from you?" She paused, considering as he drew back to look at her dubiously. "I'm drawing a blank."

"Well then. How `bout we concentrate on what I want from you for Christmas?"

Her smile broadened. "I thought you didn't celebrate Christmas."

"I had a change of faith," he murmured, kissing the side of her neck and working his way down.

She whimpered a little. "I think I like it."

He drew the sheet down off of her. "Good."

*

Two days later, Buffy worked out a system that would make it easier for him to feed off of her. She just got him to do it in his sleep, and then if he started to take too much before he woke, she would either push him away, or punch him as gently as she could to wake him up. He wasn't thrilled with the idea, but accepted it only because she insisted. Plus it gave them a chance to spend the rest of the day in bed, cuddling, with him trying to make it up to her.

*

The days passed by quickly for them, and each day was as wonderful. Both had confidence in the gang in the other world, even if they each had doubts. And each was so in love with the other that they didn't really care one way or another.

On their New Year's Day, every thing changed.

Angel woke up first. They'd been awake until very late the previous night… celebrating… with champagne and strawberries. Buffy was asleep next to him, but from her expression, Angel knew she'd wake soon. He went into the kitchen to make her breakfast, so she'd have it right when she woke. Apparently, she thought he cooked good. So he ended up making her French toast and bacon and coffee. When that was finished, he brought it into the bedroom, setting it down next to her. He knew she usually woke at about ten o'clock, and it was a little after at the moment. She made a small noise in her sleep, and her face twisted in pain.

He frowned and went to wake her. "Buffy," he said, shaking her shoulder. He hated it when she had bad dreams. They were usually Slayer dreams, or they upset her, and he hated to see her upset… She moaned again, shaking her head with a panicked expression on her face. Concerned, he shook her again. "Buffy. Wake up, baby," he murmured as she jerked suddenly. Slowly, her eyes fluttered open, and she looked up at him, confused.

"Morning." He said, looking at her worriedly. "Bad dream?"

She sat up in the bed, clutching the sheets around. She noticed the food on the table next to the bed, and looked at him again. "Angel?" she questioned, her voice sounding oddly hoarse. He looked at her, meeting her gaze. He was surprised to see tears forming in her eyes.

"What's wrong, Buffy?" he asked, reaching forward to wipe her tears away.

She flinched when his thumb swiped the tear away. "Don't touch me," she said hoarsely.

"What's going on?" he asked, pulling his hand back.

She closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them again, meeting his warm brown eyes with her angry ones. "I remember." He stared at her blankly. "Chocolate, peanut butter, human…"

It took him a moment to understand. It had been the last thing on his mind at the moment, but when he got it… He looked at her, paler than normal. "What?" he said softly.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she demanded, her tears falling freely now. "How could you not tell me this?"

He stood up, moving away from her in an attempt to recover from his shock. She stood up and went to the closet, pulling on a pair of jeans and a sweater.

He went over to her side, trying to get her to look at him. She jerked away from his touch, glaring at him. "Don't touch me, don't talk to me, just stay the hell away."

"Buffy, stop-"

"Don't even talk to me!" she exclaimed furiously. "You had no right to make a decision like that. It's my life you screwed with too, you know!"

"And it was mine too." He protested, a little angry.

"And now you'll live forever remembering it, until the next girl you like comes along. And now I'll live the rest of my life remembering the only day I've ever been completely and totally happy!" Her face coated in tears, she punched the wall. The drywall broke and dust flew all over. Almost immediately, it fixed itself. Another quirk of hell. Like the food in the refrigerator that automatically was replaced when the door closed. Like the floor that never got wet no matter how much snow was tracked in.

Buffy pushed past the vampire and stormed out into the snow, not bothering with a jacket. She didn't want to be out there that long, just long enough for the cold to wake her up the rest of the way so she could sort out her feelings. How could he have done that to her.

"Buffy-" he started, grabbing her arm.

"Don't you understand that I hate you?!" she screamed. He pulled harder on her arm, and she whirled around and punched him in the face, hard. "I don't understand how I could have ever even loved you!"

The words hung in the air, and they both stared at each other in silent shock.

And then they fell through the portal that appeared beneath them.

*

She landed on top of him, dressed once more in the Santa's elf suit. Her stomach was oddly enough still healed, but the dress was cut up where the sword had gone through her. Her neck still had marks on it from his feeding.

Her friends were gathered around them in an instant, Riley helping Buffy up, and Angel standing on his own.

Ignoring their friend's questions and concerns, Buffy and Angel stared at each other, Buffy's gaze cold and angry, Angel's gaze hurt and angry.

And Buffy grabbed Riley and kissed him as hard as she could.

*

Still ignoring the questions, Angel left in silence. No one followed him though, probably because no one saw him leave. The second he was completely out of their view, he slammed his fist into a tree, clenching his jaw against the pain. He barely felt his fist hitting the offending tree, but the pain from Buffy… Would it never stop? Would he always start to get over her, then fall for her again, only to end up hurting both of them even more?

Did it always have to be that way?

He hit the tree again, then began the walk towards his car.

*

Ten days. Ten days that had lasted thirteen and a half minutes in this world.

In ten days, Buffy had managed to break Angel's heart once more. In thirteen minutes, Riley had managed to earn the award for biggest idiot from the Scooby gang.

After Buffy had told everyone a very edited version of what had happened, a version that had included only the fact that she'd been sick and they'd been there for ten days, the gang told her that her boyfriend was a whiney brat, who had been near tears when he hadn't found Buffy right away.

Somehow in all the confusion, no one noticed the fresh bites on her neck. On both sides.

After learning Buffy's version of what had happened, Cordelia and Doyle made their way back to LA to figure out what exactly had caused their boss to be in such a mood, and what had inspired Buffy to rub her relationship with Riley into his face by kissing the commando right in front of him.

The vampire wasn't at his apartment.

They waited around for the entire day and much of the night, but he never returned.

Cordelia and Doyle got so worried, they actually called and asked Spike to come and find his sire, figuring that he'd known him the longest, he'd have the best chance. Well, he was actually their second choice. They'd wanted Buffy to come, but she'd laughed and said something about him being a big boy, and perfectly capable of making his own choices and fucking up people's lives on his own. It took Spike less than an hour to find out where his sire was.

*

A pile of demons with body parts cut off decorated the doorway. Dust covered the floor in the factory, along with more blood that pooled up all over the place.

Angel sat in the back of the factory, his expression grim, and sat unmoving except for the times he took long drinks from the bottle of booze in his hand.

Spike entered the factory, shaking his head at the piles of demons, and wandered over to his sire. Without asking, he took the bottle, took a long swig, grimaced, and handed it back. "Whiskey," he muttered unhappily. "Bloody friggin' hell. You're almost three hundred years old, and you still have no taste in your booze."

Angel was silent for a long time. Then he glanced at his childe, and Spike noted the drunken look in his eyes. "There's a point where ya' can't taste it, soz it doesn't matter." He took another drink, then passed the bottle to Spike.

Spike took it and nodded in agreement. "True." He took another swig. "You left a trail a bloody mile wide, you know. All I had to do was find where the most demons had been dyin' lately."

Angel shrugged. "Nobody really gives a damn about where I go, so I figured I may as well come here, kick their asses, and get fucked up." He smirked. "Nah, can't do the last part. I've been fucked up for too long already to get fucked up again." He studied his childe with drunken seriousness. "She did it to me. She always does it to me."

"What's wrong with the Slayer this time?" Spike questioned, sighing as he took another drink of the whiskey.

Angel didn't answer for a moment. "You ever done somethin' that ya' regretted later?" He sniggered. "Yeah, you have. Drusilla." Spike took another swig, ignoring the comment. Angel took the bottle again and got another drink. "See. Remember when my Buffy visited me? On that damn day, the one with the pilgrims and crap?"

"Thanksgiving?" Spike supplied, rolling his eyes. His sire had always been a bad drunk. His only saving grace was that in normally took a hell of a lot of booze to get him even halfway there.

"Dat's it," Angel agreed, nodding as he took a swig of the whiskey. "I did somethin' so she wouldn't die, and now she hates me. She always hates me," he added in a half whisper. "I don't know why she doesn't just send a fucking stake through my heart and send me back to hell." He grinned and looked at Spike. "That's where she thinks I should go. You know that?"

Spike raised an eyebrow. "What'd you do that was so bloody awful?"

"The Oracles said she'd die if I stayed alive. So I told them to make me dead again." Angel smirked and took a long drink out of the bottle. Then he tossed it across the room. It shattered into a million pieces over the body of a demon. The vampire reached behind him and opened another bottle. "They did. She remembered it. Says I always make the choices without her." He looked at Spike, fury and hurt on his face. "She was gonna die. What the hell else am I supposed to do? I don't want her dead. She's my Buffy." Angel shook his head a little. "No, not mine," he corrected bitterly. "The fish. Waz his name? Oh yeah. Fish boy. He's not good enough for her. Nobody is." Angel sighed drunkenly. "Nobody's good enough for my Buffy."

Spike rolled his eyes once more. This was ridiculous. Angel had been alive at Thanksgiving, and he and Buffy had probably screwed all day and night long. Something had happened and some Oreo people had made Buffy forget about it, but apparently she remembered again. "And people say I'm fucked up." Spike muttered, rolling his eyes. "That all mate?"

Angel grinned a little as he took another drink. "Nah. Of course not. My Buffy was pissed `cause of what happened in hell."

Spike frowned. "What happened?"

"She was sick and crappy," Angel explained with drunken patience. "And then she got better, and we made love, and everything was good for ten days."

Spike frowned. "Uh, what about the curse? Shouldn't that have kept you from screwin' each other?"

Angel shook his head. "The fucking curse is permanent. The witch did it a while ago. She said it was thank you."

"Lemme guess. You saved some bleedin' witch, and she fixed the curse?" Spike guessed.

"Yeah." Angel agreed, nodding. Spike grinned. He was pretty good at this whole figuring-out-what-drunk-Angel-meant-thing. Angel took another drink. The two vampires sat in silence for a long time, passing the bottle -back and forth. Then Spike sighed. "Come on, Soul Boy. Time to get you back to your little friends."

So they staggered drunkenly out into the night, heading towards the office before the sunrise.

*

Buffy closed her eyes as Riley kissed her, trying to concentrate on him. They had already done this once before, the previous night…

She'd hated it. And now she was doing it again… She forced herself to pay attention to the commando before she said something… HIS name or something, that would fuck everything up even worse.

"I love you so much I'd die for you…"

He tugged her shirt off, and she let him, kissing him back with equal fervor.

"I love you so much I'd do anything for you,"

He ran his hand over her breasts, kissing them.

"You still my girl?"

"Always."

Tears began falling down her face even as she pushed Riley away and began pulling her clothes on again.

"No, I - want to stay awake - so this day can keep happening."

"Sleep. We'll make another one like it tomorrow."

She ignored Riley's questions and grabbed her purse off of the ground by the door, and ran out, silent sobs overtaking her.

"I love you. I try not to, but I can't stop."

She fell to the ground in the middle of the park, overcome with tears.

"I'll never forget, I'll never forget, I'll never forget…" The words were louder than she could stand. She covered her ears, trying to stop it from coming. But it didn't stop. It just got louder.

"Angel? This is the first time I ever really felt this way."

"What way?"

"Just like I've always wanted to. Like a normal girl, falling asleep in the arms of her normal boyfriend. It's perfect."

Images raced through her mind, of every time she'd ever seen HIM. She sobbed desperately, trying to make it stop.

"I love you so much... And I tried to make you go away... I killed you and it didn't help."

It just wouldn't go away.

*

Her face covered with tears and dirt, and god only knew what else, Buffy entered the dorm room. Willow and Xander sat on the bed, talking. "Merry Christmas…" Xander said, trailing off as he looked up. Willow followed his gaze. They looked at each other, then went to her side, bringing her over to her bed. "What's wrong?" Willow asked, sitting on one side of Buffy.

Xander hesitated, unsure if it was good for him to stay. But Willow motioned for him to sit on Buffy's other side, so he did. "What happened Buff?" Xander questioned worriedly.

Buffy looked from one to the other then stared straight ahead. "I told him I hated him."

"Riley? You broke up with Riley?" Willow said, incredulously.

Xander got it though. He recognized Buffy's expression as one of stunned shock, not indifference. Besides, he'd known she didn't really like him that much in the first place. Buffy had told him. She hadn't told Willow because the Wicca had always been pushing her towards Riley…

But Xander, in his own way, had understood that Buffy and Angel were meant to be. And considering who his girlfriend was, he had no right to complain about any one else's.

"Angel, Will," he corrected quietly. He suddenly could understand Buffy's odd behavior over the past few days since he'd left. And Angel's sudden leaving. The vampire wasn't exactly known for being overly friendly, and Buffy had been kissing Riley right in his face, but it had been… weird.

Willow stared at Buffy and Xander in shock. "But-but that was in May. Or something."

Buffy shook her head. "I told him I hated him. And I said I didn't love him. But I do. Oh god." She said softly, starting to hyperventilate. "I told him I hated him and I didn't love him. Oh god, oh god, oh god…" She was crying now, and Willow and Xander could only watch her in silence. And then Xander hugged the Slayer. "Buffy, what happened? What did he do?"

"He was human," she sobbed, her face buried against her best-guy friend's chest, tears soaking through to his chest. "And he gave it back…" Her shoulders shook for a long moment before she managed to continue. "He gave it back. I would have died… He gave up his humanity for me… And I told him I hated him for it,"

Willow and Xander exchanged confused looks, but stayed silent. "I said I hated him," she whispered again, and Willow ran her hand over Buffy's back, soothing her.

And Xander just let her use his shirt as a Kleenex for her tears.

*

"Spike called." Giles said quietly as the three some walked down the hall towards the campus cafeteria, and away from the dorm where Buffy had finally fallen asleep. "Apparently, when Buffy went to LA in November, something happened, and Angel became human. There was a problem of some kind, and Angel went to the Oracles, seers that serve the Powers That Be, and they took back the day. From what I understand, Buffy wasn't supposed to remember."

"But she did." Willow said quietly as they reached the counter. She grabbed two trays, one for her, and one filled with goodies meant to entice Buffy to eat. "And something happened in hell, and they got back together. Right?"

"From what Spike could gather, yes." Giles grimaced as he took an apple and set it on the tray. "Angel was rather… well, inebriated when he found him."

"Angel. Tall brooding guy with a soul?" Xander raised an eyebrow. "I didn't know he drank."

"Apparently, he does," Giles said, handing Willow a five to cover their food. She was the only one who could buy. You had to have a school ID to do it. "Anyway. They got back together in hell, then Buffy remembered. She took the news rather badly, and from what I gather, said several things she didn't mean."

"And now they're both probably miserable, and all sucky." Xander sighed. "And somehow I doubt Angel would even let her speak with him, even if Buffy went to LA."

"I don't think she would." Willow said quietly. "She's so confused right now. She hasn't even totally broke up with Riley yet, and she's so messed up by this whole hell thing, and then there's the whole Angel was human but wasn't thing. And then we still have to figure out how they got back."

Giles brightened a little. "I think I've solved that mystery. I believe that the demon had to use his energy to keep them there, and it's a very powerful spell. It takes a lot of energy, and I believe the demon just got too tired to keep them there. Unfortunately, it came at a very bad time for Buffy and Angel."

"Well, that's good at least," Willow said quietly. They picked up the trays and began making their way back to the dorm room. "But what do we do to make them work out their problems?"

The three were quiet. They had no ideas.

*

On New Year's Eve, Buffy joined her friends at the Bronze. It was the first time she'd really left the dorm room, and it wasn't because she wanted to. Her friends had made her, insisting that she shouldn't be alone on New Year's.

She was dressed in a long black dress, with thick straps and a scooped neckline. She hadn't bothered with make up, and her hair was in loose curls around her face. She sat at the table, quiet and unhappy, and boyfriendless since she'd broken up with Riley the day after she'd told Willow and Xander.

Her friends were trying to cheer her up, but inside they all knew there was only one thing that would do that… But she was afraid to go to him. Afraid he'd be so angry with her she wouldn't even get the chance to grovel for forgiveness.

She wouldn't deserve it even if he was willing to do it.

Her friends excused themselves to go dance, and Buffy was left alone. She didn't waste the chance. She scribbled a quick note on a napkin and set it where they'd see it, then made her way out the door, planning on going to her mother's for the new year.

She sighed as she stepped into the cold, and hugged herself, trying to warm up. It didn't work well, so she just started to walk faster.

The sounds of a struggle came from one of the alleys near the Bronze. Buffy sighed and checked to see if she had a stake. When she found one, she went towards the alley. Bad mood or not, she was still expected to slay.

She sighed and surveyed the situation.

Two vamps, one girl crying in the back.

"Not a nice thing to do," Buffy said, entering the alley and unceremoniously staking the vamp closest to her.

The girl looked at her, wide eyed. "Oh my god," she said, and Buffy thought the girl was going to start sobbing. Then she continued. "That line is so cliché. I mean, I knew you were gonna say something like that, but I had hoped it would be more… exciting."

Buffy frowned. "Huh?"

The girl vamped out. "Look behind you."

Buffy whirled around. Four demons stood in front of her. And she had no back up. It wasn't good.

"Now. You can come with us nicely, or you can get the crap beat out of yourself, and come with us anyway."

Buffy looked at her for a long moment, worry etched clearly on her face. "What do you want with me?"

Then she jumped up and grabbed the ladder over her head. "Never mind, I don't care," She said as she pulled herself up onto the roof. To her surprise, two of the demons jumped up there.

She swore. This wasn't going to be as easy as she thought.

*

No one said anything for a long moment. Then Cordelia looked at Doyle, her head at an angry angle. "Are you sure?"

Doyle nodded, glancing at his boss. "I'm sure. The dang things hurt, but I can tell who it was."

Spike looked to Angel, who had his back to them and was staring out the window. "I say you ignore it and let her die."

The vampire still ignored him.

Cordelia closed her eyes. What was it with the PTB's that made them want Angel to suffer so much? Beyond the whole part where he'd killed for… oh, 200 years or so. "What are you gonna do Angel?" she questioned quietly. "I mean, we can go there first, and then if we need help, we can call you. And that way, you wouldn't have to see… her." She scowled and turned to Doyle. "Haven't you had enough visions of B… her?"

"Apparently not." Doyle said tiredly. "What are we doin', Angel?"

The vampire was silent for another moment. Then he turned around, his face showing only resignation. Not the pain they all knew he was feeling. "Cordelia, you take Doyle in your car. Spike, you can go with them or me." He grabbed his jacket off of the back of a chair and walked out the door.

Spike frowned. "Let's see. Soul Boy, or the prom queen and demon guy." He cocked his head to the side, rolling his eyes at them. "See ya. No way in hell I'm spending an hour and a half in the car with you two."

*

"You'll be sacrificed in one hour and three minutes. Aren't you excited?"

Buffy opened her eyes slowly, blinking. A woman in a hooker red dress stood in front of her, leaning right in her face. And Buffy was strung up by chains against a wall. Frowning, Buffy looked to the woman. "Who the hell are you?"

The woman smiled. "I'm Cherry. And this is my lover, Thunder." She smiled at the vampire behind her, who wore all black leather. "We're going to kill you."

"Get away from her, my sweet," another man said, and Buffy saw a tall dark haired man in a suit step into sight. "You'll be too tempted to taste her, and I know you have no self control."

"Frankie," the woman whined. The man ignored her.

The man walked over to Buffy, standing in front of her. "Ms. Summers. Do you have any last requests? We could start fulfilling them now if you'd like."

"You think you're gonna kill me?" she questioned, sounding more confident than she felt.

Frankie looked at her impatiently. "Actually, we need you for a ceremony. But then we'll kill you. I will." He frowned and pushed her hair off of her neck. "You've been bitten?" he said unhappily. He looked at the other side of her neck. "By the same vampire. A few times." He smiled suddenly. "Ah, your lover Angelus." Buffy flinched a little. "You let him take you." The vampire smiled. "He was my sire, a distant one, but still… it's an honor to be the one to kill you."

"Didn't Angel and her have a big fight over something?" Cherry questioned hopefully. "'Cause then he'd probably not come to help her, and I'd be really, really pissed if I didn't get to see him."

She glared at Buffy. Then she smiled at Thunder and the man in the suit. "I've heard he's really cute."

"Is he?" Frankie questioned, looking at Buffy. "I've never actually thought about him in that way, so you'll have to answer."

Buffy just glared at him.

He grabbed her by the throat, squeezing tight. "Answer me!" he screamed, vamped out and snarling.

Buffy struggled for a moment. But with no oxygen coming in, it didn't last long. "Yes!" she said, desperate to get air.

He released her and smiled. "See? That wasn't hard."

Buffy could only glare at him.

*

"I gave up my New Year's party for this?"

Angel closed his eyes for a moment, trying to ignore Cordelia's prattling. Normally it didn't bother him, but at the moment, it was damn annoying. Especially since Spike was also there, being annoying.

"Well," Doyle said as he looked around the Bronze. "Shall we split up to find them?"

"Angel? Cordelia? What are you doing here?" Willow, Xander, and Anya joined them, all dressed up for the festivities.

Angel let his employees answer. Cordelia took the honor. "Doyle had another vision. Where's your precious Slayer?"

Willow and Xander exchanged looks. "She went to her mom's for the night. She didn't feel like partying."

"Good." Cordelia said, not caring. "I hope she's miserable."

Angel frowned at her, and Willow and Xander exchanged looks. "Which reminds me," Willow said softly. "Angel, Buffy didn't mean-"

"I don't want to talk about it." Angel said harshly. He sent the two of them a long look. "Got it?"

They were all quiet for the walk to the Summer's house.

*

When Joyce answered the door, she was dressed in a cocktail dress, and looked a little rumpled. She looked surprised to see them. "Willow, Xander, what's… Angel." Her voice lost it's friendliness, and she sounded a little worried. "What's going on?"

"Is Buffy here?" Willow questioned. "It's important."

"I thought she was going to the Bronze with you," Joyce said, looking worried. "We talked this afternoon about it."

"She was," Xander said when Angel nudged him. "We were running late and I figured she'd be here, that's all." Willow nodded enthusiastically. "And now we'll be leaving. Sorry to bother you."

"Is Buffy in trouble?" Joyce questioned, stepping out on the porch and closing the door partway. She looked to Angel.

Cordelia answered. "No, she's fine. After all, she's Buffy," Joyce frowned.

"Bye," Willow said uneasily, smiling pleasantly. She and Xander lead the rest of the group away.

Joyce was left on the porch, confused.

*

There was an ornate gold cup set on the floor next to a table with straps in each corner. A long thin knife was in the center of it. Freddie stood before the table, shirtless now.

Cherry, vamped out and waiting eagerly next to him, kept looking over to Buffy, who was now gagged and being held by four vamps. Thunder was one of them.

Freddie murmured something Buffy couldn't understand. Then he switched back to English and took the knife from the table. "With my blood on this knife, I offer the gods this offering. May she be the final one for the ceremony of immortality." He sliced his hand open with the knife and let the blood drip on the table. Then he used the knife to trace a pattern with the blood. Several of the vampires' faces changed at the scent of blood. He cut his other hand and dripped blood into the cup.

Freddie stood up, and faced Buffy. "Bring her to me."

The four vamps dragged an unwilling Buffy to the altar. She began struggling, but Frankie raised the knife. Buffy clenched her jaw, but let the vamps lay her on the table. She stiffened when the ties went around her wrists, then her ankles.

Freddie smirked, and motioned for the vampires to bring four candles over to the altar. They placed one in each counter.

Freddie stood at the end of the table closest to her head. He took off her gag. "You sick bastard, I'm going to kill you if you even touch me again." Buffy said immediately. "Slowly and painfully, and you're gonna wish you'd never seen me before in your undead life."

Freddie sighed. "Shut up already. You're tied to an altar, about to be sacrificed. You won't escape, so spend your last few living moments praying or whatever you humans do at times like this."

"And why do you think you're gonna kill me?" she demanded. Stalling.

"Because I know what your situation is right now. You broke up with your boyfriend. Your friends think you're at your mother's. Angelus is in LA…"

He smirked. "So I have you all to myself for this ceremony. Which, in case you were wondering, is a ceremony to make me unkillable."

"How unoriginal," Buffy said, scowling at him.

He shrugged. "Now, I have to do a few little things before I kill you. Don't go anywhere," he said, smirking.

Then he knelt at the other end of the table and began chanting again.

*

"In the factory! They took her to the factory!" Willy ducked behind the bar, backing away from Angel, who leaned on the counter. "Which factory?"

Willow, Xander, Cordelia, and Doyle stayed back, watching. Spike went behind the counter and helped himself to a mug of beer.

"The one on Mainstreet, down by seventh." Willy frowned at Spike. "Three bucks."

"Put it on my tab," Spike said cheerfully. "How many guards does he have?"

"He's got at least fifteen." Willy answered.

"Who's he?" Angel questioned, looking at the bartender patiently.

Willy sighed. "Vamp named Freddie. Wants to do some ceremony to become totally immortal, but needs the blood of a Slayer to do it."

Angel straightened.

And they left.

*

"The blood that offers her strength. The blood that offers her life. The blood that I offer to you in return for immortality." Freddie had his eyes closed as he spoke. Now he opened them and stood up, reaching for the knife once more. He also picked up the cup and set it in between her legs. He moved down to the end of the table closer to Buffy's face, and touched the knife to her hand. "Feed from her power." He hissed, vamped out. He sliced the palm of her hand.

"Hey!" Buffy said indignantly, trying to pull her hand free. He snarled and slammed her wrist down to the table. With his other hand, Buffy felt him run the knife over the wound again, then make another cut coming from it. Blood pooled up in her hand, falling down on the table as she tried to free herself again.

He snarled at her, then proceeded to make the same kind of cuts on her other hand, then her two feet. He smirked. "Let her life force be drained and send the power to me,"

He took the knife again, this time to her wrists.

"Try it and I kill you," Buffy hissed, already knowing what he was going to do. He was going to kill her by slitting her wrists. What a way to go…

"You're tied to a table." The vampire said, sighing. "You can't exactly do that."

He paused for a moment, smiling. "I half expected your lover and friends to pop up saying something about them killing me if you can't."

And then the power went out.

And the doors opened.

"I know it's not what you wanted," a voice said. Xander! Buffy realized. "But it'll have to do."

Freddie swore.

And then the first vamp was dusted and the fight began.

Willow and Anya went straight to Buffy and began undoing the straps that held her down. They managed to get her ankles undone first, while telling her exactly who was there with them.

And then she saw him. He never even looked over to her, choosing instead to concentrate on the fight. Before, he'd have been the one risking injury just to look up and make sure she wasn't hurt too badly…

But she couldn't think that yet.

As Willow finished undoing one hand, a vamp approached them from behind. Buffy, one hand still on the table, rolled on her side and kicked him, sending him flying back against the wall. She strained against the bond as she tried to fend off another one. Finally, Anya managed to find a stake, and after two tries, got it through his heart.

Just as Buffy's other hand got free. She grabbed the stake from Anya and joined the fight, ignoring the sounds of the hem of her dress ripping when she kicked a vamp.

Another hundred bucks down the drain, but she'd saved Xander. The boy flashed her an uneasy grin and went off to help whoever he could.

*

All in all, the fight didn't take long. Angel sent his stake through the heart of the last vampire, and glanced around the room, checking for danger. He didn't let himself look at Buffy, no matter how much he wanted to.

"Great." Cordelia muttered, looking down at her manicure. "I better get paid extra for this." She looked at Angel. "Can we leave now?"

The vampire nodded. "Spike, are you coming?"

"Why not?" the younger vamp questioned, slipping his duster back on.

"Let's get the hell out of here," Doyle muttered

"Here, here," Cordelia said, glaring at Buffy.

The Slayer noticed but didn't say anything. She was too caught up in her thoughts to care. She finally worked up the nerve to do what she needed to. "Angel. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"What, you haven't said enough?"

Buffy flinched at Cordelia's words. Harsh, but very true.

"We're going," Willow announced, grabbing Xander, who grabbed Cordelia. "Nice seeing you guys," she called as they hurried out the door, all knowing that Buffy needed privacy to talk to Angel. Doyle grabbed Cordy's arm, sent his boss a long look, then pulled her out too. She wasn't happy about it, either.

Spike rolled his eyes at the couple, then sauntered out, a cigarette in his mouth.

Angel closed his eyes. "Apparently, I don't get to make the choice on if I want to talk or not."

Buffy looked down for a moment, then looked up at him again. "I need to apologize to you. What I said to you… it was ridiculously unfair and totally untrue. I… I was trying to blame you when you couldn't have done anything different. If I had been in your position, I would have done the same thing." She looked down again. "I'm sorry… I just…" She looked up at the ceiling, anywhere but his cold and unforgiving face. "I know you have no reason to forgive me for anything I said." She dared to look at him. He hadn't moved, and his expression was the same. "I just had to tell you," she added softly. "I'm so sorry," she said again, then turned and exited the factory.

He made no move to stop her.

*

Even her dreams were haunted by him. She kept dreaming of the day she'd told him she hated him… but in her dream, he always said… "I forgive you."

Her own tears of wanting woke her up.

A long moment passed in her bed before she realized someone was watching her. Someone was in the room with her.

She rolled over, tense and ready for a fight.

Instead of any danger, she found herself looking at Angel, who was back in the shadows. She could barely see him. "Angel," she whispered, surprised. She sat up in bed, looking very much like the younger version of Buffy Angel could remember visiting. "What are you doing here?" she questioned softly.

He didn't move any closer. "I used to trust you," he said quietly. "When you said you loved me. When you said anything. I believed you when you said you hated me. Which is it?"

"I love you." She said unhesitatingly. "I always have. I've never stopped." She looked down at her hands. "There's nothing I can do to apologize enough to you for saying what I said."

"What about Riley?"

Buffy flinched a little. "I broke up with him a week ago." She answered truthfully. After I slept with him once, she added bitterly to herself. But she wasn't ready to tell Angel that little tidbit yet. "It took me a while to figure things out," she explained quietly. "And I've pretty much spent the last week sobbing and trying to figure out how to make this up to you."

He moved finally, sitting on the edge of her bed, facing her. His gaze never left her face. "I need to apologize to you." He said quietly. "For not telling you sooner about that day, what happened. I should have told you a long time ago," he finished. He closed his eyes for a moment, then looked at her again. "We even?" he asked.

She felt ready to cry. Here he was, apologizing to her, when she was the one who'd made the mistakes, who should have been groveling at his feet. "Angel, I'm so sorry, I'm sot sorry, and no you shouldn't have told me. I'm just so stupid, I'm so, so sorry, and I-"

He cut her off, pulling her to him for a gentle kiss; a kiss that said more than words ever could have even come close to saying.

She closed her eyes and kissed him back, her tears wetting his face.

But everything was finally starting to go right.

(I'm writing a sequel. I really like this story, if I do say so myself, so please send me feedback! goredwings@usa.net ! PLEASE SEND FEEDBACK!)

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