Disclaimer: The Characters aren't mine.
Spoilers: Up to Pangs.
Summary: My version of how Buffy reacted after she found out that Angel had been in Sunnydale...
Distribution: Why would you want this? Explain that to me, then you can have it.
Feedback: I already warned you. It sucks. Be nice when you write to tell me that.
Rating: PG—13
Author's Note: Not my best work (boy, I say that a lot!). I just found this on my computer and figured, hey, why not...

"And it was like old times," Willow finished, starting to see the good in everything.

Xander agreed. "Yeah, especially with Angel being here and everything." He was smiling for a long moment. Then he realized what he'd said, and paled.

Buffy looked up slowly, at all of the faces looking at her. She dropped her fork, looking at all of the faces.

"Oops." Xander said softly. No one moved for a long moment.

Spike grinned. Oh, this would be good. Giles sighed, closing his eyes. Thank you Xander, he thought unhappily.

"What?" Buffy said, her voice sounding strained.

Willow laughed uncomfortably. "Well, that dinner sure was good."

"Yes." Giles agreed quickly. He stood up. "I'll clear the dishes." His plate was half full.

"Sit down." Buffy said tightly, furious.

Giles sat. No one else moved. Buffy closed her eyes. "What was that Xander?"

"Angelica, my ex-girlfriend from kindergarten?" he suggested weakly. Buffy opened her eyes and glared at him. He hastily corrected himself. "I mean, Angel," he said quietly. "Angel was here." He looked away from her. "He didn't want you to know he was here."

Buffy stared at him for a long moment, trying to figure out what to say. Finally, she closed her mouth and stood up. No one said anything as she exited Giles's apartment, pausing only to grab a jacket, and half running as she slammed the door shut.

~`~`~`~`~`~`

Buffy was sobbing as she sank to the ground in the middle of the park. Angel. He'd been there. He'd been there, and he hadn't said anything to her, he hadn't even written her a note, or anything, and she hadn't even known he was there!

Pulling her knees closer to her chest, she wept onto the sleeves of the jacket she'd grabbed. He had come to Sunnydale, and he had just watched her, or whatever the hell he'd done, and he'd told her friends that he was there, but he hadn't even bothered to tell her. He'd told Xander of all people. Xander, who'd teased and taunted him since day one, but he hadn't told her, the one who loved him.

The one who still loved him.

Angel had been there.

And he hadn't even told her.

~`~`~`~`~`~`

Willow was sprawled out across her bed when Buffy got back, and Xander sat backwards on one of the chairs by Willow's computer. Giles sat on the other chair, sitting normal. They all looked up when Buffy came in. She'd cleaned up, and it no longer looked like she'd been sobbing for the past few hours. Which she had been.

"Buffy," Willow said immediately.

Buffy looked at her. "Why didn't he tell me?" she asked quietly.

The three others exchanged looks. "Well," Giles said quietly. "He didn't want you to know. He felt that he would be a distraction to you if you knew about him. He has a friend, Doyle, I think, and this friend gets visions of people in danger. Evidently, you were in danger according to one of these visions. He came back from LA to protect you."

"To protect me," she repeated dully.

Willow bit her lip for a moment, then looked at Buffy again. "I don't like saying this, Buffy, but I think he was right."

"No, he wasn't." Buffy snapped. She'd known he was there, at least in the back of her mind, but… he should have told her. "I don't need anyone sneaking around behind me, protecting me. I'm a big girl. I can handle myself." She stormed over to her closet and pulled out a bag. Willow, Xander, and Giles exchanged looks. "What are you doing?" Willow asked nervously.

"You said he lives in LA now?" Buffy questioned sharply.

"Yes, but-"

"I'm going to LA to see my father already. I think I'll pay him a visit too."

Xander sighed. "What about-"

Buffy turned around and glared at him. He stopped mid-sentence.

Giles sighed. "I have his address."

"Good." Buffy said quietly as he handed her Angel's business card. She stared at it for a long moment. Then she set it on the desk and returned to packing.

~`~`~`~`~`~`

As Willow laid in bed that night, pretending to sleep, she could hear Buffy's almost silent sobs as the Slayer laid in bed. Willow closed her eyes tightly, trying not to let Buffy realize she was awake.

"Why doesn't he love me?" Buffy whispered, almost too soft for Willow to hear.

Willow winced. She knew that Angel did love her; it had been obvious when she'd seen him. But she knew that it was something that Buffy would only believe if she had proof… From Angel himself.

Willow sighed softly and turned on her side, facing away from Buffy. She could only hope that this trip wouldn't hurt either of her friends too much. But she had a feeling…

~`~`~`~`~`~`

Buffy tried to be quiet with her sobs, but in truth, she didn't care.

He should have said something. Nothing else was clearer to her than that.

So she'd go see him. And she'd tell him she didn't need his help, didn't need him skulking around in the shadows, watching her. *I don't need it, I want it… *

She'd tell him to stay out of her life, he wasn't in it anymore. *I want him in my life again… *

And then she'd leave. And she'd come back here, and she'd never let anyone hurt her again. *I don't care if he hurts me, I want him back… *

Never.

~`~`~`~`~`~`

Early the next morning, Buffy stood outside of the door to Angel's office, where she could see him, but he couldn't quite see her.

Every promise she'd made to herself slipped away. It didn't matter what he did. She still loved him.

She swallowed a little, listening to him arguing with Cordelia and his friend.

Yes, she loved him. But that didn't matter. Because nothing had changed.

(Lemme know what you think. (But remember, I warned you at the start I wasn't very good at writing this kind of stuff.)

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