I'll Never Not Need You

Chapter 6

Buffy was nervous.

Down right sick to her stomach nervous.

Not only did she have to explain what happened to her jaw, which she told her mom she slipped in the shower and hit her chin on the side of the bathtub. Had she told Joyce what really happened Angel would be in jail. It was bad enough Buffy had a memory of what happened. The last thing she needed was more drama because of it. Her mom dropped her off in front of the school asking her not to be too klutzy today then offered her some more Advil if she had any more pain.

Sometimes moms were so weird.

Buffy got a tingling sensation against her back as she walked through the quad, the bright sunlight blinding her as she spun around. There he was. She watched as Spike closed his car door and grabbed his books. She couldn’t help the gasp that escaped her throat when she looked at him he was just that gorgeous.

Spike felt her before he saw her. Her scent was all around him, making him crazy, making him sane. Visions of cherry blossom leaves floated in his mind from his dream and he realized that’s what she smelled like.

Cherry blossoms.

He breathed deep almost falling over his feet.

He glanced at Buffy and his heart clenched in his chest. Cherry blossoms, his dream came back full force and he saw her crumpled body on the ground covered in blood. It was too much for him.

Buffy saw the change in his face and frowned. He started to walk past her and she grabbed his arm.

“I can’t…”

“Oh no you don’t,” she hissed as her fingers circled his wrist.

She could see the shock on his face and she ignored it. She pulled him into the school, fully aware of the eyes on them.

She didn’t care.

She was not going to let him get away after the progress they had made the other night. She pulled him into the empty library and released his wrist.

He pulled his sunglasses off his face and looked at her. He knew she was pissed and it tore at him but the visions of her in his dream scared him even more then her hurting. It was only a dream and he knew that, hell he told himself that every ten seconds when he thought about it. But in reality it didn’t help. He didn’t want to lose Buffy like he lost Emma. He couldn’t bear to have it happen again.

“What is wrong with you?” she asked him, her voice full of anger.

“I don’t know Buffy,” he replied running a hand through his hair. He turned dark blues on her and she realized they were full of sadness.

“What’s wrong?”

He looked at her expectantly and didn’t say a word. If his eyes could talk they would have told her all his fears. Everything he was too afraid to voice.

“I know we have gotten a lot closer since last week. I did tell you a lot of my past but I didn’t tell you the whole thing. There are things you don’t know about me, things you don’t want to know about me.”

Buffy’s anger melted and she sat down at the wooden table in front of them, she gestured to the seat in front of her and was surprised when he took the one next to her instead.

“Try me.”

“It’s not that simple Buffy.”

“So make it simple. Don’t shut yourself off from me. I won’t allow it Spike. Not after what you did for me,” she said touching his hand.

Spike raised his eyes to meet hers and saw the concern shining in her green depths.

“We have class.”

“Fuck class,” she grumbled.

Spike raised his scarred eyebrow at her, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Such language.”

“Come on Spike I’m serious. What’s up?”

“This isn’t the right place to discuss this Buffy.”

“Ok…where then?”

He looked at her quizzically.

“Look Spike, I’m drawn to you. Have been since the first day of school. You know this, I told you this the other night. It has not dissipated over night it has only grown stronger. And if you think I’m about to let you walk away without a second glance after what you did for me, after being in your arms you are crazy.”

“I’m scared,” he whispered, his voice so low she wouldn’t have believed he said anything if his lips hadn’t moved.

“Of what? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong,” she pleaded, her hand touching his.

He looked down at their hands and slowly opened his, lacing his fingers with hers. He wanted nothing more then to open up to her, to tell her everything. To finally have the weight lifted, his heart free.

“Of you. Of this.”

“Why?” she breathed, her stomach churning. Was he leaving her? Before it really began?

“Buffy I feel for you. You know that. You say you are drawn to me, have to be near me, it’s the same for me. I can’t stay away from you, my eyes, my body, my thoughts. Every waking moment, hell every sleeping moment is spent thinking about you.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

“I told you Emma died and that’s the main reason I came here.”

Buffy nodded and Spike took a deep breath.

“She was killed Buffy. Murdered. She died in my arms.”

Buffy gasped and her eyes filled with tears. The poor girl and Spike, oh god poor Spike.

Spike tried not to break down, not even when Buffy’s small arms circled him, cradling his head against her neck. He had grieved for Emma, but didn’t cry. Never let the tears come. He would sit for hours at her grave staring at her name in the carved marble. He would bring her flowers and tell her how her family was doing. He tried to go on as if nothing had happened. Almost as if he had never met Emma but it was no use. Still he had not cried. He wouldn’t break down in front of anyone; no one got to see that side.

He tried to keep those thoughts in his head even as his eyes filled with tears. His hands clenched in her shirt, pulling her closer to him as his tears fell hot and wet against his face. A sob rose in his throat as he finally released all his anger and guilt over Emma.

“I loved her Buffy. I loved her so much and someone killed her, murdered her,” he got out between sobs.

Buffy didn’t say anything, just held him as he cried. Murmuring soothing words as she smoothed his hair.

The library door opened and Willow started to walk in. She saw Buffy holding Spike and heard him crying. Willow backed out quietly not wanting to disturb their moment.

Spike lifted his head and looked at her. His blue eyes still filled with tears as he grasped her shoulders.

“You look so much like her. You sound like her. I know you aren’t her Buffy. You are soo much stronger. You have made me feel again, something I didn’t think was possible after what happened. But here you are in your sunshine and warmth and all I want to do is bathe in it.”

Buffy smiled and touched his cheek as he pressed his forehead to hers.

“I won’t hurt you Spike,” she whispered her fingers playing idly with his sharp cheekbones.

Spike closed his eyes as the remaining tears in his eyes fell. He lifted a hand to touch Buffy’s cheek surprised when he felt wetness there. He pulled back and looked in her face, shocked that she was crying to. He leaned in and pressed his lips to her mouth.

Buffy was startled at the gentleness of his lips against hers.

Spike broke the kiss and looked at her, his eyes a swirling maelstrom of emotion. They looked at one another a minute more before grabbing one another, their lips crashing together. Spike growled as he crushed her to him, kissing her with a hunger that was for her and her alone. Buffy’s breath caught in her throat at the fierceness of his mouth on hers.

The sound of wood scraping on concrete was heard through the empty library as Spike pulled her to her feet, pressing her soft form against his hard one, his lips never once leaving hers. He devoured her mouth, nipping at her with his blunt teeth, teasing her with his tongue. Buffy went limp against him, his kisses drugging, leaving her weak kneed with desire.

He felt the strength leave her body as he opened his mouth to hers, his tongue exploring the velvety heat of her mouth. Carefully he sat her down on the large wooden table and moved to stand in between her spread legs.

Spike’s lips left her mouth to trail down her cheek to her neck. He buried his head in her soft neck and inhaled her scent before he kissed her flesh. Buffy’s head tilted back as passion surged through her nerve endings. He peppered kisses up and down her neck, nipping on her ear lobe before finding her pulse point.

He clamped his mouth down on her skin above the racing beat of blood. She wormed her hands under his shirt just as he started to suck on her skin. Buffy mewled in desire as Spike continued to suck and kiss at her neck, her hands running up and down his cut abs and chest.

“Christ Buffy, we can’t do this here,” Spike whispered against her neck not wanting to break contact but also not wanting to get them expelled.

“I don’t care,” she moaned dragging his mouth back to hers. Spike groaned and captured her lips again. He coasted his mouth over hers languidly, drawing out their kisses making Buffy shake with passion.

He was just about to say fuck it all and take her on the table when he sensed someone in the room.

“Ahem.”

Buffy and Spike broke apart guiltily and glared at their intruder.

Like it?Hate it?Love it?Review Me!!