Summerhaven

Chapter 12

What am I doing? Buffy thought as she hurried away from Spike.

She wanted to put as much distance between them as she could. Her insides were swirling, her emotions out of control. As badly as she wanted to put distance between them she also wanted to run to him and never let go. She stopped suddenly and put her hand to her mouth.

Spike watched her rush away and abruptly stop in her tracks. He fought hard to keep himself rooted to his spot. He wanted to run to her. Throw his arms around her and kiss the very sense from her body. Her kisses poisoned him, drugging his senses. He was about to walk back to the ball when she turned around and faced him. He could see the unshed tears shining in her eyes and the next thing he knew they were running towards one another.

They grabbed onto each other and smashed, their lips touched, hers demanding that she open up to him. Buffy sighed against his mouth as she weaved her hands through his bleached locks. Spike had his hands everywhere, her hips, her back, her hair, her face. He couldn’t get enough of her. She opened her mouth slightly and ran her little tongue along the seal of his lips. Spike groaned and opened up, his tongue sliding along hers.

She melted against him, hating and loving him all at the same time. His mouth moved a course across her lips, searing them with his intense desire. Their passion was tangible as they tore their mouths from each other and gasped for oxygen.

“I can’t stop touching you…” she whispered against his mouth. Spike tried to smirk but found he couldn’t, his heart so full of love for this girl.

“Neither can I love.” He ran a hand through her hair and fingered it’s soft locks.

“Your hair has gotten longer,” he mused trailing his hand back to her cheek and running his thumb along her bottom lip.

“So has yours,” she replied, her senses tingling from the mere touch of his hand.

His arm tightened around her waist as he pulled her closer still, he needed to feel every inch of her, every part of her.

“I never thought I would see you again,” he said in low tones, his voice filled with the anguish he tried so hard to contain.

The way he said the words and the look on his face caused her spirits to sink as reality came back to her. This was wrong. They couldn’t be together. She couldn’t let him know the truth. She sighed loudly and pulled herself out of his grasp.

“That makes two of us,” her voice rasped as she took a couple steps backwards to get some space between them.

Spike cocked his head at her, a puzzled look upon his face. He looked down from her face to his empty hands, still held open for her. He reluctantly lowered them and closed his eyes. He pulled a ragged breath into his lungs and lifted his head. He opened his eyes and looked right at her. No hold barred. She was going to pull this and he wasn’t going to give in.

“I take it you didn’t want to see me?” he asked, his voice hard. He crossed his arms over his chest and cast a steely look over her.

“It matters not what I want,” she replied, her gaze hard.

Spike chuckled, the sound rough and dry.

Defeated.

He closed the distance between them and took her chin in between his finger and thumb.

“It matters to me.”

Buffy blinked back the tears that started to form in her eyes. She wanted nothing more then to give in.

To forget the pain of the past and start anew.

He watched her quietly, the battle within herself raging. He knew she was fighting herself and silently wondered who was winning. She met his gaze as a single tear found it’s way down her cheek. He brought his other hand to her cheek and wiped the tear away. Her green eyes widened at the tenderness he was bestowing on her. The way he was looking at her. The way he was touching her.

“William…Spike….”

He couldn’t tear his eyes away from her mouth as she spoke his name. He nodded slightly and waited for her to go on.

It seemed like time stopped just as he heard her soft voice. But what she said was something he had never expected.

“A lot has happened since you’ve been gone. Xander has asked me to marry him…”

Spike took his hands from her face and took a step back. He ran a hand through his hair and grimaced. Hard.

“Have you accepted?”

“I told him I have to think about it.”

“He’s quite a man isn’t he? Allowing you to be in my company.” His voice dripped with sarcasm.

“He’s a wonderful man. He has done a lot for Dawn and I,” she said, her hands on her hips.

She knew she had hurt him, she could hear it in his voice. She just couldn’t allow him to talk bad about Xander after everything he had done for them.

Spike ran a hand through his hair and turned around, his back to Buffy. He was angry, angry at himself and angry at her. He wanted to kill Xander; that was a fact.

“I didn’t come here for this. I didn’t come here for you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I came here to see my father. I just happened to see you first,” Spike said turning around.

Buffy blinked back her tears of disappointment and looked down at her black satin shoes. She swallowed hard and forced herself not to cry.

I can do this. I did it once and it can be done again, she thought. She rose her eyes defiantly to his and took on an air of confidence.

“Best be on your way then, Mr. Leslie,” she said as the light left her eyes, her voice turning cold and flat.

Spike nodded and with a final look at her he turned away.

Buffy watched his retreating form as he walked back into the gleaming light of the ballroom. Only then did she allow the tears she was holding to break free. She sat down in the cold grass and sobbed, her anguished cries heard only by the full moon above her.

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