Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, etc. I also do not own the lyrics to "Still Holding Out For You" by SheDaisy.
Summary: A short story in which Willow has to deal with tragedy.
Distribution: Don't care. ask first.
Author's Notes: This is basically a song-fic.
Beware: Character death!
Rating: PG-13
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
At the Mansion
“So, tell me again, exactly why am I helping you plan a romantic evening with Dead-boy?” Xander questioned Willow as they walked up the pathway to the mansion.
“Because you’re my best friend and you want me to be happy and you helping me do this makes me happy.” Willow paused as she unlocked the door, “Besides, I needed someone to help me set up for tonight and everyone else was busy.”
“Gee, thanks, nice to know I was at the top of your list. Anyway, what’s so big about tonight?” Xander started tossing a very breakable and expensive figurine.
“Xander, stop playing with that! Angel will kill you if you break it. It’s one of his favorites. Anyways, tonight’s our anniversary,”
While she was talking, Willow had placed several candles around the room and rose petals on the bed, “There! I’m done!”
Xander looked at the candles and the bed and shuddered, “I don’t even want to know! Come on Wills, you actually want to remember the night you guys got together?”
Willow had turned around and smacked Xander upside the head when Buffy walked in with a serious look in her eyes, “Willow, we need to talk.....”
Never
thought I'd be in this place
It's
someone else's life I'm living
Wish
I were living a lie
The
hardest part is when the bough breaks
Willow was sitting on Angel’s bed, in a catatonic state. *It can't be true.........It can't be......*
She looked up at Buffy and said "No. No! This is all a big joke! Okay, You fooled me. Ha-Ha. Come out now."
Buffy watched as her best friend looked around the room for any sign of Angel.
"Will........he's dead." Buffy watched the range of emotions pass over her face.
"Nonononononono," Willow was shaking her head and backing away from Buffy, "No."
Buffy started crying as her friend realized he was gone and collapsed into sobs, "No." Willow whispered. Buffy went forward and wrapped her arms around Willow as she cried.
*****
Xander was walking behind Willow as she made her way to class. He was worried about her. According to Buffy, Willow hadn't shed a tear since that night. His best friend was hurting in a way he couldn't imagine and she wouldn't let them help her.
"I'm okay, Xander, I'm not gonna break, ya know?"
*Damn, she saw me.*
"I was just going to class. See you later, ok?" Willow walked into her class, muttering, "Yeah, sure, whatever."
Xander didn't understand Will and Angel's relationship and everyone knew he was not a big fan of Angel’s, but he knew that they loved each other. A lot. They had gotten together not long after Angel came back. Buffy was hurt but she saw how happy they were and she eventually got over it. They were happy. And then Angel died. It was Tanya, Faith's replacement, that killed him.
*Though Will doesn't know that. If she did..........well heaven better help that slayer cause we sure won't. *
*****
Willow was standing by the grave marker they had gotten for Angel. As she started to cry, she collapsed onto the grave.
Falling
down and then forgiving
You
didn't kiss me good-bye
I'm
choking on the words I didn't get to say
And
pray I get the chance one day
"Why? Why did you leave me? We were happy together, weren't we? God, I want you here. With me. Everytime Xander comes to my balcony door lately, I think maybe..... Maybe we were wrong and you lived-" Her voice faltered as she said the last part.
I
still run, I still swing open the door
I
still think, you'll be there like before
Doesn't
everybody out there know to never come around
Some
things a heart won't listen to
I'm
still holding out for you
*****
Willow awoke from her nightmare with a sob. She couldn't remember where she was. *Oh, yeah. The mansion.* She looked over at Angel's side of the bed and for just a second she thought he was actually there.
I
can hear you smile in the dark
I
can even feel your breathing
But
daylight chases the ghosts
She got up and dressed and headed to the high school.
*At least I don't have to be alone.*
A Few Days Later
Willow was doing better.
*I'm not having a nervous breakdown. Yet.*
She walked into the living room of the mansion where Buffy was waiting.
"So......how have you been-" The glasses Willow had been holding dropped to the floor and shattered as she saw what Buffy was holding.
"Wh-where did you get that?" Buffy was holding Angel's leather jacket.
"H-He left it at the library and I thought you would want it....." Willow reached out and took it. She put it on and hugged herself. She fell to the ground, crying, as she caught a whiff of Angel's cologne still on the jacket.
I see your coat and I fall apart
"I miss him so much, Buffy. I can't take much more of this...........I can't.............everywhere I look.............." Buffy sat next to Willow, also crying, and wrapped her in her arms and whispered, "I know, Will, I know."
*****
Willow walked up to Angel's grave marker and sat down. "Hi, Angel. I know I haven't come in a while but in case you didn't know, you died 5 months ago today......... I-I can’t do this anymore, Angel. I can’t be here knowing that you’re not and never will be again.....,”
Willow looked up at the sky and then back at the marker, “This is the last time I'll visit you or........anywhere," Willow looked down at the pill bottle in her hand, "I want you to know that I love you.....and I...................Please forgive me.......................... .....Good-bye."
I
should get up, dry my eyes and move ahead
At
least that’s what you would’ve said
Willow swallowed the pills. She fingered his name that was etched in stone and then she laid down next to his grave, prepared to die, welcoming the darkness that engulfed her.
*****
Buffy and Xander were at the library, doing research, when Giles came out of his office, rather shocked. They looked up at him, wondering what could have him so devastated. The last time they had seen him this way was when Jenny was killed.
“Hey, G-man. What’s up?”
For once, Giles didn’t get mad at Xander for calling him that. “I’m afraid I have some bad news.”
“Well, whatever it is, it has to wait. Cause Wills isn’t here yet. So just let me call her-”
“No, Xander. I’m afraid....you cannot call her.” Giles took his glasses off and wiped them off, “You should probably sit back down.”
Buffy became nervous as her watcher made that request of Xander. “What is it, Giles? What’s wrong?”
“W-Willow’s dead.” The two teens stared disbelievingly at him. Xander shook his head, “No.”
“How?” Buffy asked him.
*Whatever it was she would hunt it down and make it pay....Wait. What was he saying?*
“...she swallowed a bottle of pills earlier this evening. In front of Angel’s grave marker.”
*Oh, Willow! What have you done? How am I supposed to seek vengeance when it was you who took your own life?*
Xander couldn’t believe it.
“But she was getting better! She was getting better. She was. She said she was. I know she was. I know it! I know.....”
Buffy cried as she watched Xander slip further and further away from reality.
*****
“How am I supposed to say good-bye to one of the best friends I could have ever had? Huh, Wills? Maybe you can help me answer that one. It’s simple. I can’t. Xander keeps getting worse with every day that goes by. And it’s all your fault! Why’d you have to do that, huh? Why? Now I gotta do this all by myself and that’s your fault, too! Why? I mean, I know you were hurting, but so was I! So was I! He was my first love. My first lover. Why couldn’t you have just talked to me? Told me what you were feeling. I would’ve understood, ya know? Was it because I was too busy? Did you try to talk to me but I wouldn’t listen? God! I was a horrible friend! I should’ve helped you. I should’ve known. I’m the Slayer, for crying out loud! It’s my job to save people and I couldn’t even save you! My “best” friend! I should’ve saved you. I should have saved you!”
Buffy was laying on the Willow’s grave, her face tear and dirt stained, when Giles found her. “Oh, dear Lord, help us.”
He leaned down and picked up a sobbing and broken Buffy and carried her to his car and drove her home.
*****
Xander watched Giles carry Buffy to his car, then walked over to Willow’s grave. “Hey.” Xander looked at her grave, reading the engraving:
Willow Anne Rosenburg
Beloved Daughter and friend
“Well, your parents finally gave you some attention.........why? Why’d you do it? Was it because of Angel? Well, I hope you two are happy together cause you’ve made me miserable! I can’t do this, Will! I can’t live without you! You were my world. My best friend. Was I not there for you? You told me you were better. You told me you were happier!”Xander fell to the grave and started to pound with his fists, “Why!? Why??? WHY!?!”
The End