Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: The characters of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer belong exclusively to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. I'm just borrowing.
Part two in the Friends... Lovers... Series.
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"So, how'd it go?" Buffy couldn't keep her curiosity from her voice as she sat beside Willow at the table in the library. She plunked her bag down on the table, folding her arms and leaning on it.
Willow sighed, "Not good."
"How not good?"
Leaning back in her chair, Willow spoke sadly, "Let's just say Angel wasn't at his talkative best." She perked up a little, "But he called me. After I left."
Surprise lit up Buffy's face, "He… He called?" She couldn't remember him ever calling her…
"Yup. He said sorry. That maybe we *should* talk." She smiled graciously, "He's going to stop by tonight…" Her voice drifted off.
"That's good." Buffy asked, "Right?"
Willow nodded, "Yeah. It's just… Well…"
Buffy smiled reassuringly at her best friend, "Nervous, huh?" Willow nodded again. "Don't be, Will. I'm sure it'll all be okay."
"I hope so…"
"Good morning Ladies!" Xander bustled through the Library doors, a broad grin on his face.
Buffy and Willow groaned playfully, and Buffy asked, "A little too much of the happy today, Xan?"
Xander sat opposite them at the table, his bag smacking against the floor as he dropped it, "Oh come on, you can never have too much of the happy." Both girls eyed him suspiciously, and he sighed, "Okay, so Cordy's in grrr mode."
"And this would be your way of letting her know her snide remarks and narky behavior aren't getting to you, right?" Buffy asked.
He nodded furiously, "How I'm doing?" Willow and Buffy exchanged a look and he mumbled, "Never mind." Opting for a change of topic, he asked, "So, we doing the Bronze thing tonight?" The twosome opposite him exchanged another quick glance and he asked, "What? Am I missing something here?"
"No, no. No missing…" Willow muttered. "Just I have a… Thing. Yeah… A thing. At home."
Buffy nodded, "Yeah. A family thing. You know, with parents and… Parents."
"But, Buffy's good to go, right Buffy?" The Slayer nodded, "So you two can do the Bronze thing."
The bell rang for class and Willow and Buffy hurried to their feet quickly. Xander watched them for a moment before moving to join them. "O-kaaaay…" He whispered to himself.
*********************
The light tap on her door roused Willow's attention from the spell book she'd been trying to concentrate on since she'd arrived home from school. She glanced up, smiling nervously when she saw Angel. He smiled back at her, warily almost, as she got up from her desk and made her way to the door, opening it quietly. "Hi," she said.
"Hi."
Willow stepped back from the door a little, "Wanna come in?"
Stepping inside he asked lightly, "I thought you weren't supposed to have boys in your room."
"I'm still not…" She closed the door over, "But well… I guess I make an exception for you." They stood in silence for a few moments, both feeling uncomfortable and awkward. Eventually, Willow broke the inauspicious hush. "Take a seat." She motioned toward her desk and Angel wandered over, turning the chair around so he could face her, then sitting down. Willow stepped toward the bed and sat down. She fidgeted with a strand of her hair as she whispered, "Thank you… For coming…"
"No problem." He nodded respectfully at her.
She fought for word as she went on, "I… I…" She frowned maliciously at herself, "I want you and I… To be friends. Like we used to be, Angel."
He sighed, "I'm not sure that's possible anymore…"
"Why?" She asked, almost dreading the answer.
Angel's eyes were filled with guilt, "Because of what I did to you."
Willow shook her head, "Angel… That wasn't you. How many times do I have to say that?" She got up and walked hesitantly toward him, "Let it go." She knelt before him, her eyes set on her carpet beneath her, her hands desperately clutching at each other. She thought for a moment and then asked, "You and Buffy, you two tried to put everything behind you. You worked at it… Became friends… She helped you. And you were okay with that. Why is it so different for me?" Her voice trembled as she continued, "Is it because you love her? Is that why you worked at it with her, but you won't try with me?"
Looking down at her, tears forming in his eyes, his own voice trembling as much as hers, he whispered, "What I did to you is far worse than anything I ever did to Buffy. That's why I'm so…" He broke off, unsure how to continue. He reached out, tilting her face softly toward his own, "Doesn't it hurt you? Every time you look at me?"
"Yes." A single tear escaped Angel's eyes as she replied, "It hurts me because I see you hurting because of me."
"I… I'm so sorry… For what I did to you…" Another tear escaped Angel, and Willow felt tears coming to her own eyes at the mere sight of it. She wanted to tell him again that it wasn't him. That Angelus had been the one that hurt her. But every time she tried to tell him that, he'd just shut her out even more…
Something occurred to her suddenly, and she smiled gently at him, reaching out to wipe away his tears. He pulled away for a moment, but she took his hand in hers, willing him to stay put. As her free hand touched his cheek, she whispered the three words she knew he needed to hear. "I forgive you."
"No…" Angel shook his head, "I don't deserve it…" He stood up, nearly knocking her backwards, rushing for the door. "You think you can forgive me, but… You can't, Willow. It's unforgivable."
"Nothing is unforgivable." Willow climbed to her feet, "You *really* want to take responsibility for what Angelus did to me, then… Then… Fine! But you're just going to have to accept the fact that I f-forgive you and… And…" She didn't know what else to say.
Angel stopped in the doorway, unable to turn and look at her. A silent sob escaped him, "Willow…"
Urged on by his shaking shoulders and the pain she knew he was in, Willow moved toward him, turning him around and looking into his eyes. Time for a new tactic, she told herself. "A-Angel… So long as you're holding on to this, then… Then I *can't* let it go either. I forgive you, but I'm carrying this around all the time because it's stopping us from being friends. Because it's, it's hurting you." She asked him knowingly, "You don't want to hurt me, d-do you?" He shook his head. "W-well… Not letting me forgive you, and… And not forgiving yourself… That hurts me, Angel." The tears nestled deeply in her eyes escaped her. "Please don't hurt me anymore."
"But…" He looked away from her, "I can't forgive myself."
Willow smiled supportively at him, "Yes, you can." She took his hands in hers again, "If you won't do it for yourself, then do it for me. Please."
Angel's face softened, and for a moment, Willow was certain he'd started to come around, but he pulled away from her again. "No… I can't… I won't… This isn't what you want, Willow. You just think it is…" He turned, rushing out of her room and into the night outside.
"Stop treating me like a child." Willow charged after him, "Stop acting like I have no idea how I feel or what I want."
Angel stopped again, turning and shaking his head, "Willow, I'm not doing that…"
"Yes you are! I want to talk about this. With you. I want to deal with this. With you!" Willow lowered her eyes, "Angel, you can't even look at me without… That look you get in your eyes. W-we were friends before you… Well, before… And now we can't talk to each other." She sighed, "I know you're upset, because of what happened, because of Buffy, because of everything… And I understand that. B-but you can't be alone forever." The next sentence was, he noticed, more of a plea than a gentle request, "Let me be your friend."
"Willow…"
"Ssshhh." She whispered, "Look." She pointed to her face, "Resolve face. Hence the word resolve." He smiled at the look on her face and she couldn't resist the urge to return the smile, "I'm not changing my mind."
He nodded, "Yeah, I kinda noticed that."
"Please… Please try and put this behind you. Behind us. We can be pals… Right? You're always broody guy… And… And… That's not right because you're a good person… Well, vampire… But anyway… And you should have friends. And I wanna be one..." Her eyes were a desperate request. "Let it go, Angel. Try, please. P-promise me you'll try."
He sighed, somewhat reluctant but encouraged by the warmth in her sweet voice, "I'll try, Willow. For you."
An excited smile spread across her tear stained face. She stepped toward him, nervously offering him her hand, "Friends?" She added, "Please?"
The vampire took her hand in his and shook it lightly, "Friends."
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Xander knelt carefully in the bushes, watching the exchange between Willow and Angel, completely mystified. He had never seen Willow like that before. Never heard such desperation in her voice. Never seen such warmth and hope and urgency in her stance. It was almost like she was someone else.
And Angel. He was crying. Xander had never seen him cry. He wasn't even sure the vampire was capable of the emotion it required to generate tears. Yet here he was. So sincere and apologetic.
He cringed as he watched Willow and Angel's placid hand shake dissolve into a forlorn cuddle. Willow burying her head in Angel's chest, Angel burying his face in Willow's hair. When they pulled away from each other, they exchanged a warm smile. Willow giggled apprehensively, "I think we made a break through."
Angel nodded, letting Willow dry his eyes, "I think we did." He asked her quietly, "What happens next, Willow?"
She shrugged, "I don't know." Her warm smile dazzled Xander as he watched her, "But just… D-don't be a stranger, okay?"
"I promise." He stepped away from her a little, "I… I should go… I have a…" He stumbled through the next words, "A thing." Willow's shoulders slumped slightly and he stated hurriedly, "No, it's nothing like… I'm not trying to get away from you… Or anything. I have to…" His voice lowered, "I have to go by the Butcher shop."
"Oh!" Willow exclaimed a little louder than intended. She, too, lowered her voice, "That's… Okay… I thought you might've been… But you're not, so, good." Caught by the tone in her voice, Angel grinned at her. She grinned back, asking, "Do you wanna, maybe, if it's okay, like, meet up sometime? We could just… You know… Hang out, like friends do."
He nodded, "I'd like that." Angel leant forward, somewhat uneasy, kissing her forehead. "I'll see you, Willow."
She watched him go, "Bye…" She whispered after him, a soft smile still gracing her face.
Xander watched her closely. She stood there for a long time, well after Angel had disappeared from sight completely. He grunted angrily to himself. So this was her *thing* she had to do. This is why she wouldn't come to the Bronze. He realized suddenly, and Buffy knew about this. As Willow turned and made her way back into her bedroom, Xander asked himself, Why was seeing Angel so important?
The snippets of the conversation he'd heard raced through his mind.
Willow had sounded so upset as she half shouted, "Stop acting like I have no idea how I feel or what I want." As he'd wandered past her house, on his way to Buffy's so that they could go to the Bronze, those words had caught his attention. He'd looked up and there was Willow, with Angel of all people. Curious, he'd hid in the bushes as she went on, "I want to talk about this. With you. I want to deal with this. With you!"
Deal with what?
Xander climbed out of the bushes and made his way toward Willow's bedroom. Whatever had happened between Willow and Angel… Whatever it was, he *had* to know…