Rated: PG-13
Disclaimer: The characters of Buffy: The Vampire Slayer belong exclusively to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy and Warner Brothers. I'm just borrowing.
Summary: This is the final series in my Willow/Angel trilogy, which began with Demon... Angel... and then continued with Friends... Lovers... Angel is about to leave Sunnydale when it occurs to him that he didn't say goodbye to the woman he loves.
Part one in the Hello... Goodbye... Series.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Angel waited quietly on the platform of Sunnydale's only train station. The rail service on the Hellmouth had been withering and dying for years. And the Greyhound Buses that filtered in and out of the city with overbearing frequency had almost obliterated the entire lack of service and irregular regularity here.
He glanced at his watch as he heard a familiar blast from the train as it appeared on the horizon. Not long now... Not long and Sunnydale is just a memory. Angel watched the train as it drew closer, comfortable with the choice he'd made for transportation off the Hellmouth. He had organized things well. He'd have an entire *room* to himself, he could curtain it up when sunlight blanketed the land, and his arrival in Los Angeles would be after dark. He'd said all he needed to say to Buffy. They'd cried, they'd kissed. His heart ached somewhat, but with relief, his departure had opened a door he'd never been able to before. The one he had to walk through to let her go, and, to his amazement, it had actually managed to make him feel somewhat better. About himself, about the world. Almost as though just one of the never ending burdens he seemed to carry within him had finally been taken from him.
The rickety looking train came to a halt and Angel picked up the single black bag he carried with him. He'd taken very little from the Mansion. His clothes. A couple of pairs of shoes. He moved toward the train, about to step onto it as the door before him banged open when he remembered... And a photo of Willow.
He stopped dead in his tracks, frowning at himself mercilessly. I didn't even say goodbye to her. And he wanted to. The past months between them had been difficult. He had tried his best to keep his word and stay away from her as much as possible. But it was so hard. Her love for him had only made his own feelings for her stronger and stronger until...
Every time they were in the same room, he could see her pain. And he shared in it. Her grief was so obvious to him that he often wondered how the others managed to remain oblivious. Although, he noted, he'd often seen Giles give Willow supportive little pats on the arm, or nod at her sympathetically. It had never occurred to Angel before that moment that Willow had ever told anyone about them, but it seemed, strangely enough, that she had confided in the Watcher. And evidentially, the Watcher had kept the secret.
Willow... Angel closed his eyes, her beautiful smile filling his mind. I've missed her so much... His mind jerked angrily at him suddenly, and you've longed for her so completely. You're a fool, Angel. You push away the best thing that has ever happened to you. You break her heart. He groaned knowingly, and now you don't have the decency to say goodbye.
"Are you coming aboard, sir?" A conductor dressed in a glary, navy blue uniform patted him gently on the shoulder. "We're leaving in a few seconds."
The vampire didn't answer. He opened his eyes and looked up into the open door of the train before him, his face covered by his pain.
"Sir, are you coming aboard?" The man asked again.
Angel sighed, then stepped back from the doorway. He told the man quietly, "No."
He watched the man step up into the train, "Fair enough then," closing the door behind him.
As the train moved off, Angel watched it go. I'll leave Sunnydale... He told himself, but I have something to do first.
********************
"Angel?" Giles barely stammered out the vampire's name when he opened his front door and saw the vampire standing there, his face melancholy. "This is... Well, unexpected."
"I..." Angel glanced at the Watcher nervously, unsure what to say. Things between them remained, while less bitter on Giles part, still incredibly awkward. "I need some advice."
Giles motioned toward the black bag in his hands, "You want to know how to leave?" He cursed himself as he said it. It had been much nastier than intended. He wasn't overtly fond of Angel, yes, but there was no reason they couldn't at least manage to be civil. Giles sighed, "I'm sorry, would you like to come in?" Angel nodded and stepped inside, sitting his bag down as the Watcher closed the door. "So... Advice? What kind of advice?"
He turned to face the Watcher, "Yeah. I..." Still very uncertain, Angel decided the best method for conversation with Giles was just to say what he wanted to say, and quickly. "Did Willow tell you, about us? About what happened between us?"
"Yes." Giles let his cold calm filter slightly into his voice. "I know about the two of you after you came back." He added, "And before." The stunned look on Angel's face was racked by grief, and Giles felt an uncommon sense of sympathy fill him.
"H-How?" Angel stammered.
The Watcher leant against the back of his couch, "Willow went to Buffy. Buffy called me. Hence I know." An uncomfortable silence passed between them, and having no desire to wallow in it, Giles asked, "What sort of advice do you want, Angel?"
"I want to say goodbye to Willow... I haven't so far... But I... I need to know... Is it the right thing to do?"
Giles frowned, telling the vampire gently, "Only if you want to hurt her."
"No. Never." Angel reluctantly whispered, "I've done that too many times. I couldn't bring myself to hurt her again. I..." He sighed, looking up into the Watcher's eyes, "I love her. Not like Buffy. It's different with her. It's..." He broke off, "I don't know how to put it, but she makes me feel..." The sentence trailed off.
"Alive?" Giles asked. Angel nodded, and Giles sighed. "Angel, you must weigh up two evils and decide which of them is the greater, then follow the lesser. Willow loves you. And I think you know that. If you go to her, saying goodbye will only break her heart again. But if you go without saying goodbye..."
"I'll break her heart too." The vampire lowered his eyes, "What do I do?"
The Watcher straightened, "I can't tell you that."
"What would you do?"
Giles didn't answer, but Angel could read the look on his face. That's what I'll do.
********************
The vampire nestled further into the seat outside Willow's window, surprised that she had left the seat there after... Well... He glanced at his watch, there was still about two hours of darkness left. He'd wait for Willow. He had time.
He closed his eyes, breathing in the cool night air even though he had no need to. It felt nice. Comforting. He knew the night so well. As he began to relax, the hints of sleep formed inside him, but he pushed them away, choosing instead to lay in a pleasant stupor until Willow arrived home.
Images filled his head... He could hear a deep growl slip from his lips... Into Willow's gentle mouth as they kissed. She was in his arms, nestled onto his body. He pulled her hard against him, one arm tightly around her waist, the other leading his hand slowly down her stomach, tickling her thighs softly from the knee up and up and...
His eyes snapped open and he lurched forward in the seat. The memory was clear. Too clear. In all of his existence, he had never known anything like that night with Willow. The passion they had shared... Angel caught himself, this is sick. Wrong. Here, right here, I stole her innocence. I ruined her life, and took from her something ultimately precious.
And yet she loves me still...
"Thanks for walking me home, Xander." Willow's voice loomed from the pavement out the front of the house. Angel stood on hearing it, a kind of panic filling him suddenly. He wanted to hide, so gripping was the fear in his heart, but he remained perfectly still.
"No worries, Will. All it'll cost you is..." He paused, "Let me think of something real good and then I'll get back to you."
Willow's sweet laugh filled the air, "Okay." Now she paused for a brief moment, and Angel just knew she'd be smiling at the dark haired teen beside her. "Night, Xan."
"Night, Will."
Angel peered around the bushes that masked Willow's bedroom door, seeing her coming toward him and Xander wandering off down the street. He gulped needlessly. Oh God... Here she comes... His mind stumbled, what do I say? What do I say?
"Angel!!!" Willow couldn't keep from exclaiming the vampire's name out loud when she spotted him. She cringed, turning to gaze behind her, hoping Xander had not heard. The vampire watched her carefully as she waited a few moments then turned back to him, her voice considerably lower, "W-What are you doing here?"
"I... Er... Well..." He blurted nervously, "I wanted to see you, before I left. To say goodbye. I was almost on the train and then... I remembered. I needed to see you. Just for a moment." He sighed, whispering lightly, "God, how jumbled was all that?"
Willow smiled, "You were great."
"I was?"
She nodded, "Sure you were." Her face flushed slightly as she told him, all honesty, "I-I'm glad. You came. I thought that you'd just go..."
Angel cut her off, "I had to see you."
"W-Why?"
The vampire wanted to shrug. His mind was telling him to say he didn't know why he needed to. Just to say, I don't know and goodbye. But he couldn't. The longer he let his eyes embrace the view of the beautiful young woman before him, a woman he hadn't even let himself look at for more than a brief second in the past months, the more power his heart seemed to have over him. He stepped boldly toward her, so overwhelmed he was acting before he knew what he was doing...
Angel's hands grasped lovingly around Willow's arms and then he pulled her to him. Stunned, at first Willow did not return the kiss, but as the passion Angel was exerting took hold of her, she wrapped her arms around his throat and kissed him back with more love dancing in her heart than she had ever known in all her life.
When eventually they broke away, Willow was panting, out of breath, and Angel was shaking, the emotions inside him wrestling with his entire sense of self-control. Willow looked up, a brief hint of surprise in her eyes when she saw his game face. It evaporated into a dizzying sparkle as she smiled, "Angel..." Tears threatened to spill from her eyes.
"Willow..." Angel went to step away from her, but she grabbed hold of him, stepping with him so he was unable to get away. Sadness marred his vampiric face, "Willow... This is... You shouldn't have to look at me... When I'm..."
She ran a hand over his cheek, "I don't care." Willow beamed gently at him, "Under the Grr, you're still Angel." He watched her intently for a moment, and seeing the devotion filtering from her, he gathered her up into her arms, just glad to be with her. She spoke into his chest as she was pressed lovingly against him, "I thought... That you'd just go..." She sighed, her tears getting loose of her tight hold on them, "You already said goodbye to the woman you love."
Angel tilted her face toward his, "Did I?" Her confused look enveloped him and he told her gently, "I... I..." He gulped, "I... Love... I love you... Willow..." He fought to go on, "I don't know how or when it happened, but it did and I... After your letter, it just got stronger and stronger." He sighed, "I don't want to fight it anymore." He rushed to continue, "I know you're with Oz, and I don't expect anything because I hurt you so much, so many times, but I..." He finished quietly, "I wanted you to know."
Willow smiled past the tears spilling from her. He loves me... She told herself, he loves me. She looked away suddenly, tightening her hold on him, wanting to hold him forever. "Angel?" She whispered.
"Yes?"
She asked begrudgingly, "Are you still going to leave?"
"Yes."
She flinched. She'd already known that would be his answer. Don't just let him go, Willow... She looked up at him, stuttering nervously, "T-Then s-stay... With me... Tonight..." She took a deep breath, "Please..."