Rating:NC-17(eventually)
Disclaimer: Not mine, never gonna be mine, though if Angel's lonely, he can come home with me for the weekend
Summary:Varying POV'S of exactly what the relationship was between Angelus and Willow, and what it's done to Angel/Willow for the past five years
Distribution: To the yahoo groups that I'm mailing it to now, and anyone else who wants it. Just let me know, 'k?
Notes: This is the first fic I've written in a long time, please be kind. But if it sucks, let me know, too. So, yes, feedback would be totally appreciated
Pairing:Angelus/Willow, Angel/Willow
Spoilers: Everything is fair game, at some point or another, up to series finale of Buffy, and season 4 of AtS
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 1~
We pretend. We pretend a lot. I pretend to be the same quiet, shy, girl I was 5 years ago. I pretend that I was a virgin until graduation when Oz and I made love for the first time. I pretend that underneath my clothes, I don't have scars from bite marks on my thighs, my breasts, and the backs of my knees. I pretend to be a good girl, when I know I'm a very, very, bad girl. I pretend I don't want to be punished for being such a bad girl. I pretend to think that leather belts are really only for holding up baggy clothes. I pretend not to know that sometimes there is no difference at all between pleasure and pain. I pretend to know that I'm gay. I pretend not to know that there was one male for whom I would have happily performed any sexual act, no matter how degrading, and probably had an orgasm while doing so. I pretend that if that same male showed up at my door tomorrow that I wouldn't do just that.
He pretends not to remember everything that Angelus did while he was gone. He pretends not to know that after less than a week together, all he had to do was look at me in a certain way, and I would cum. He pretends that he didn't have pictures made of me, naked and tied to his bed. He pretends that out of the 36 exposures that were taken that night, only 33 were anonymously returned to me in the mail 2 weeks after he came back from Hell. He pretends that he didn't enjoy every minute of every night that we spent together. He pretends not to know that I did, too. He pretends not to know what just the smell of leather does to me.
We both pretend so well. And we should, we've been pretending for five years now.
~Part: 2~
The first time I woke up half dressed and tied to my bed, I was terrified. The second time I was scared. The third time, I was nervous. The fourth, I silently came without him saying a word. I know that he didn't love me, and that was fine. Sure, it would have been great to have loved the first person I slept with, but it didn't occur to me to complain while in the midst of multiple orgasms nightly for weeks on end. I know that Angel regrets me. That's pretty obvious. If he didn't, I might have gotten a "Hey, Willow, thanks for returning my soul five years ago, and by the way, love that mole you have on your left, inner thigh". I never meant to betray Buffy, and I really don't think I did. Of course, I also haven't jumped up to bind Angel's soul, either. Of course it can be done. I cursed him with it, didn't I? I nearly ended the world last year after Tara was killed, and I brought back Buffy from Heaven. I'm pretty sure that a soul binding couldn't be any harder than those. I can't. I won't. If I never see Angelus again, I can deal with that. I cursed him to save the world, and everyone in it. I knew then I probably wouldn't see him again . But there's no way in Hell that I'll be the one to make certain of it.
~Part: 3~
Apparently, in Sunnydale, we've been doing it wrong for 7 years now. The LA gang has recently discovered that the best way to avoid an apocolypse, is to talk to Angelus. Then, they were so busy with him, that they didn't keep an eye on his soul, and now it's off wandering somewhere. Which, don't get me wrong, is not exactly a bad thing. I'm just saying that before theymade this decision, maybe they could have picked up the phone, and said "Hey, we're gonna do this, wanna help"? Well, anyway, I'm on way to LA, going 85 miles per hour to go help. I wonder if I can convince them that before I recurse him, I'm gonna need a few hours alone with Angelus. In his bedroom. With his weapons chest. And some restraints. For my protection, of course.
You know, it's true what they say. You never forget your first. Your
first love, your first fuck. Your first orgasm, your first multiple orgasm.
The first
time you have to fake an orgasm, because the sweet boy you're with
just doesn't do it for you. The first time you walk into an adult novelty
store. The first time the clerk in that same store, knows you by name,
and doesn't bother to run your driver's license before taking your check.
The first time I'm looking at Spike, and he's looking at me, and I know.
I know that he knows. The first time that I'm thinking that Spike is violent.
And passionate. And sexy. And a vampire. And related to Angelus. And trained
by Angelus. And maybe, the next time that Spike and I are alone,
I'll
offer to show him some pictures I have. Maybe he'll like them. Maybe
we could come to an understanding. Maybe it'll give me something else to
be punished for the next time Angelus appears. If I recurse him today,
I wonder how hard it would be to add in an extra "trigger". Like one moment
of pure happiness, or excessive horniness. Or jacking off. Or Tuesdays.
Or wearing black. Or liking Cordelia. Or drinking blood on a day that end
in Y.
~Part: 4~
I remember Thanksgiving 4 years ago. For one brief shining, moment I thought Angelus was back. He held me so I couldn't move, and his hand was over my mouth so I couldn't yell. Then he was dropping me like a hot potato, and I saw the look on his face. That was the first time that I was positive that he remembered everything. He's not that good a lier.
Angelus used to hold me like that, but he would use the time to tell me exactly what he wanted to do to me, later. Then, I'd have to go back to class, or a Scooby meeting, or patrol with Buffy. Sometimes, I'd be shaking with anticipation. It was about this time that everyone started my monitoring my caffeine intake. Funny, everyone assumed I had chronic jitters from too much caffeine, yet no-one ever saw me drink any coffee.
There had been a few times other than that, that I had wondered. Like Graduation day, for example. Oz and I had made love for the first time earlier that day. I guess Angel could still smell it, or something. The look on his face when he got close to me was pure Angelus. And that look turned me on more than anything else I'd done that day. I loved Oz. Sex with Oz was nice, and sweet, and gentle. I was suprised, actually. I wasn't a virgin, but it still hurt a bit. That was fine, too. Oz believed he was my first, I knew I needed to buy some K-Y jelly, and all was well.
~Part: 5~
Somebody's been a bad girl, hasn't she Willow"? Looking at Angelus through the bars on his cage and hearing his voice, I was quickly so aroused I almost hurt. And that was before I saw his chains. Oh God, the things that man could do with chains....
"Hello, Angelus".
"That's all I get? No, nice to see you, how've you been, please allow me to suck your dick for a few hours to begin to apologize for betraying you? No please don't beat me too badly for having fucked other people"?
Suddenly, I was reminded of the dangerous situation I was in...Angelus had no reason not to tell everyone of exactly what our relationship had been, and undoubtedly would be again. Was I ready for everyone I knew, including Buffy, Kennedy, and Giles to know that I'd been, in essence, his sex slave/fucktoy for months? And that I loved it? And that sometime I'd begged him to hurt him just a little bit more?
Then with a resounding series of thuds, I heard heavy footsteps coming my way. The handsome black man I'd briefly seen two years ago appeared at the bottom of the stairs. By now, I was very close to the bars of the cage, and Angelus was lying on the bed, watching me with his hands behind his head. Just watching me, with his dark, sexy eyes.
"Hey, Red, you don't want to get too close to the bars, ya know. That ain't our friendly, local vamp no more, and he can move pretty fast when he wants to".
"Thanks, ummm, Gunn, is it? I can take care of myself pretty well. I've known Angelus before, I know exctly what he's capable of".
"Still, a little thing like you? I'd be no man at all if I didn't offer to help you out down here, with whatever you need for your hocus-pocus".
I looked up just in time to see Angelus's eyes flash dangerously. "Hands off, boy, Anything she needs, I'll give it to her".
"Oh, please, drop it. Like either of you give a flying whatever about nerdy Willow Rosenberg. Angelus probbaly thinks if he gives her a little attention, she'll be too happy to re-ensoul him, and Gunn is just being nice. Besides, Willow couldn't get, or keep a man, so she's switched teams a couple of years ago, isn't that right"?
With a sinking heart, I heard the sacharine tones of the person I least wanted to see.It was nice to see though, that apparently along with a bad dye job, she'd managed to gain a few pounds. "Always a pleasure to see you Cordelia. And yes, I'm kinda gay, now. How's that acting career working out for you? I keep looking for you on the big screen, or TV, but I still haven't seen you...ever".
With an angry flush, she muttered something about world saveage being too time consuming to allow for her acting career, but I'd made my point. And she'd lost hers.
"But, really, I'd just like some time down here with Angelus. I need to figure out the best way to do this spell, since we don't exactly have his soul available, and I need to observe him", I told them firmly.
"But".
"Let's go, Gunn, she doesn't need us, and I want to go lie down again" Finally hearing the door clang, I realized they were gone.
"Alone at last, sweet Willow. Now strip for me, and go lie down on the cot"
"What? No!"
With a raised eyebrow, he asked me "Do you need to be reminded of the rules? I know it's been a while...You do as I say, how I say, when I say. Little girls who don't obey can be punished very harshly, can't they Willow?" But when they're good, they're only punished nicely. I'd like it either way".
With suddenly trembling hands, I begin to unbutton my blouse. Knowing that this was in fact, exactly what I'd wanted, and dreamt about for so long.
~Part: 6~
"Willow, Willow, Willow. I know that you know better than this. Did you really think that you'd come here, reeking of sex and another woman, and I wouldn't notice"?
"No, Angelus," I coolly responded "I knew you'd know. I just didn't think it was any of your business, really".
"Willow." I ignored him, studying my nails thoroughly. "Willow." "Willow, you put yourself in this cell. Your life is in my hands, and judging by the scent of aroused redhead, in the room, you like it. I think my favorite red headed whore missed me, and if she wants to live through this, she should answer me when I talk to her." With a heavy sigh, I looked over at him. He was still lying down on his cot, but now his chocolate brown eyes were staring at me intently. With a raised eyebrow, he smirked at me, obviously enjoying his sense of power. I tingled inside at his look...and answered him. "Yes, Angelus?" I answered sweetly. "You know, Willow, we have a lot of catching up to do.
How have you been? How's school? How many people have you fucked, since the last time I was around"?
Ooohh...He wants to play mind games now..I was looking forward to his other games, but I can do this, too...for a while. "School's good...I've got a scholarship this year, so that's nice. I've been good, except for this thing last year when my Lover died, and I tried to destroy the earth. Thought about you a lot, then, actually. And, I've made love with two other people, since we sent you to Hell."
"That's not what I asked, Willow. I asked who have you fucked? Who's had you mindless with lust, desperate for release, willing to do anything you were asked to do, just to cum? Has anyone made you that passionate, that you'd submit entirely to their will, just because they wanted you to?"
I look at him, his dark eyes now glittering with lust and anger, and for a moment, consider not responding. "No," I answered quietly. "And why would that be, Willow? After all, you're gay now. Surely your lovers have known what you need, what you want. It's so obvious..to anyone who truly knows you...what you desire. Can you even have an orgasm without the pain?"
"Sex is.. nice. And Tara was my best friend, and good in bed, and I love..loved her". "I'm sure that's true. But did she ever make you black out because of an orgasm? Tell me what you want, Willow, and I can make it happen." "I don't want to." I whispered quietly.
Suddenly, he was beside me, faster than I could see. His hands wrapped in my hair, and my head was forced back, making me see directly into his eyes. Quickly my nipples hardened, and my panties soaked. "I said, tell me what you want, and I can make it happen." "I want you" I shuddered involuntarily "I want you to fuck me, and punish me, and make me pay for giving you your soul back. I need you to remind me of everything you taught me back then, so that my world makes sense again. Please, Angelus."
"That's my good girl. I knew you could say it." Abruptly, I was over his knees, with my black skirt shoved up around my waist, looking down at the floor.
"My, My, Willow, looks like something else changed. No panties? Getting ready for me, hmmm?" With a loud smack, he began the spanking, severe by most standards, but he knew how much I liked it. I was quickly thrown into an intense orgasm, accentuated by the noise, and his voice telling me how bad I was, and how much I needed this.
~Part: 7~
With a final, resounding, moan I climax violently from my spanking, and nervously glance up at my... disciplinarian? Master? Lover? I know lots of words, but I'm not sure I have the proper word for this situation. He's watching me, and he still looks angry. "Willow, did I give you my permission to cum? Have you forgotten that I own you...you belong to me...and that means your cunt, your clit, your ass...even your fingernail clippings are mine...until the day I DECIDE I DON'T WANT YOU ANYMORE!!!" He shoved me off of his lap, making me roll awkwardly onto the floor. He stalked around me, furiously kicking the bed as he passed it, denting the frame. "And I'm stuck in here, without my toys to properly..enjoy you with...because SOUL BOY...couldn't remember my secrets." Turning, he punched the wall, leaving a large hole in the cement block. "Goddamn him". "And you...you're not even here for me, are you? You're here just to give me that worthless soul again."
He's actually scaring me now, in a way he hasn't scared me since our first night together. I don't know what response he wants, and I'm also starting to realize that regardless of his, ahem, talents, this trip might not have been the best idea.
"Whore! You thought, what, you'd come to LA, fuck me for a few hours, and when you're done, shove me back in Angel? So you can go back to your sweet, little girlfriend, and I'll be your dirty, little secret?" He turned to me so quickly, that he was a blur, and his hands were around my throat. "That's a little hard to do if you're dead, isn't it sweetheart? I could kill you right now, still wet from cumming, with my marks on your ass. I could snap your neck, and feed off of you, while you're still warm. I wouldn't mind taking a little nip off of the magick in your blood right about now."
"Away", I managed to mutter, and he was thrown into the wall. Still smirking, he stood and wiped his hands on his black, leather pants, and started walking back towards me. "IMMOBILE!", I say, louder this time, and he's stuck. He can still talk, though, and he proceeds to. I'm edging closer to the cell door..I don't want to kill him, and I don't have the greatest control of my magick right now. I need to leave, but I don't think he gets it.
"Willow, baby, black's a good color on you. The eyes, the hair, very nice. Little veiny for me, though, but hey, it's a look. And you don't want to leave, Willow. Not really, anyway. Aren't we just playing? You wanted to play...you like my games...they're just a little more grown-up now."
With the flickering control, I have left of my magick, I twist the lock on the cell, and dart out the doors. I relock it, and crumble against the far wall and then it gives out. He rushes at the cell door, trying futilely to get out.
"You Bitch! I was gonna make your death quick, out of respect, for the pleasure you brought me. If you don't get your ass back in here right now, when I get my hands on you, I'll make you pray for death for days before I let you die."
"I know, Angelus...I guess I need to make sure you never get that opportunity, huh. I'm sorry...I shouldn't be here...I don't know why I am. So, this is closure, huh? I'm never going to see you again, Angelus...I'm not the same girl I was before, and I managed to convince myself that you cared..that it was more than just sex and pain and blood to you. But it wasn't, was it? It never was, and I'm gonna leave now...Thanks for the reminder."
Standing up, I dust myself off, and without looking back, I brush myself off, and walk up the stairs. I'm done...whatever we could have been...or might have been...whatever he taught me, I could never go back...I have no doubt, that if I hadn't had my magic right then, I'd be just like poor Ms.Calendar, with a snapped neck.
We'll resoul him...now I know it's the right thing to do, even if my ass is still sore and my nipples still tingle. Out of everything thing that the demon taught me, I think I learned my most valuable lesson today. That when it comes right down to it, that I can do the right thing, even though every ounce of fiber in my being wants to go back in there, and fuck him senseless...that I'm stronger, and I'm better than that. And that I have a girlfriend at home who might look really good in chains, too.
The End