Rating: PG-13
Summary: Well, to summarize would be pretty much impossible. I'll just give you a warning instead. It's quite possible I've gone mad and haven't realized it, and this is just the product of my madness. But hey, madness can be fun.
Disclaimer: Joss owns them, but I'm thinking that if he ever sees what I've done here, he'll be so warped for life that he won't want them anymore and he'll be so afraid of me for writing this that he'll probably give them to me to ensure that I don't come after him.
Distribution: Anyone who has any of my other stuff, and anyone else who wants it. But if I were you, I'd think seriously about getting my head examined before rushing off to HTML this little piece of my insanity.
Feedback: Loved. Adored. Pretty please?
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A long long time ago, in a galaxy far far away.......
Willow Bo Peep was a shepherdess. She hadn't planned on being a shepherdess. Sheep herding had been about the bottom on her list of things to do, but she answered an ad in the paper and now here she was. And the ad had been totally misleading too. It had read, 'Animal lover needed for outdoor work' she had thought it was going to be something to do with horses. And she had needed a job. After all, college wasn't going to pay for itself. So she went. The guy took one look at her, said "You're hired. The sheep are out back. Don't let them stay in one spot too long or they'll run out of grass." Not what she was expecting at all. But hey, a job is a job.
Willow Bo Peep lived next to her lifelong friend Xander Peter. Xander Peter was a pumpkin eater. But sadly, the demand for pumpkin eaters in the job market was practically nil, so Xander Peter had to take whatever pumpkin eating jobs there were. Which basically constituted of being a guinea pig and eating whatever pumpkins the Sunnyhell Genetic Vegetation Research Laboratory sent him. So he had some... problems. Eating genetically mutated pumpkins will do that to a person.
One of Xander Peter's problems (that actually wasn't caused by pumpkins) was that he was married to a woman who was very high class. Don't get me wrong, she wasn't a complete stuck up bitch, but she had a fondness for designer labels and expensive jewelry. And soon after the wedding Xander Peter realized that there was no way he could afford to keep a wife (especially not that one) on a pumpkin eater's salary. So he decided to get rid of her. But he decided to do it in his own special way. He got one of the largest pumpkins he could find (it was about the size of a small house) and he ate out the insides, leaving a hollow shell. When his wife came home from a long day of shopping, Xander stuck her in the pumpkin and superglued the top back on so that she couldn't get out. (Don't have a fit yet. Just keep reading. This is a happy story, I think. And it wouldn't be very happy if people were dying in pumpkin shells, now would it be?)
After Xander Peter was finished with his gluing, it was time for part two of his plan. Unfortunately it was a very big pumpkin, so he was going to need some help. Naturally, the first person he thought of to help him was his good buddy Willow Bo Peep.
He went to the field that Willow was doing her sheep herding in. When he got there, he found a very freaked out Willow that kept counting the sheep.
"What's the matter Willow?"
Willow turned to him in tears. "One of the stupid sheep is missing! I can't find it anywhere. What am I going to do? I'll get fired. And what about the poor sheep? It could be lost or hurt or somebody's dinner by now! And even if they are ugly and stupid and smell bad, I can't just go around losing them. It'll look terrible on my resume! What am I going to do?"
"Simple," replied Xander Peter. "You are going to put the sheep back in their pen, help me take Cordy's stuff down to the docks real quick, and then we're going to find your stupid smelly sheep. Okay?"
"Um.... Why are we taking Cordy's stuff to the docks?"
"Cordy has decided to leave me and go to Europe to be a model or something. I'm shipping her stuff to her. But it's in a really big pumpkin, and it's too large to move by myself." (See, I didn't stick Cordy in the pumpkin to die! She's just going on a little trip. To Europe no less. I *can* be a nice bob when the mood suits me!)
"Oh. Alright. Help me get these stupid sheep put away and we'll be off."
AT THE SAME TIME IN A LITTLE HOUSE BY THE DOCKS
Gilespetto was a lonely guy. He used to be a librarian until some idiot blew his library up, but now he was unemployed and bored out of his mind. No one ever came to see him, and he wasn't needed anymore because with the loss of the library he couldn't help anyone with their research. And the tweed really put people off, despite his yummy accent. So he decided to start doing woodcarving.
One day he got large oak tree, and decided to make himself a life size puppet, just to see if he could. When he had finished, he had a beautiful, well proportioned man puppet. It was like a living angel, except not (alive that is) so he decided to call it Angel. But once Gilespetto had finished with his puppet, he was bored and lonely again.
"If only you were alive," said Gilespetto to his Angel, "I bet you'd keep me company." (And he didn't mean it like THAT, so you can all pull your filthy little minds out of the gutters!)
Now, unbeknownst to Gilespetto, the Blue Fairy Bunny had heard his wish. (And seen Angel, who let me tell you is a *fine* puppet) and she decided to grant his wish.
Angel got up off the table and he and Gilespetto and the Blue Fairy Bunny instantly felt the need to go into a song and dance number. Which they did. And which I will spare you, so your ears don't start bleeding. (I'm betting that Bunny has a horrid singing voice)
The song and dance number attracted a little attention. And I do mean little. A teenie tiny little man (with yummy cheekbones and a wicked accent) heard the commotion and decided to go investigate. He was incredibly bored, not having been able to find any teenie tiny women and figured anything would be entertaining until he found one.
Once the song and dance number was over, the teenie tiny little man was turning to leave when the Blue Fairy Bunny saw him and decided to give him a job. She scooped up the little guy and told him that from now on he was going to be Angel's conscience, and that no matter what he wasn't to allow Angel to have sex because it would turn him into a cow (Not to mention the splinter problem for whoever else was involved. And yes, that was supposed to be disgusting, so you can all keep your minds in the gutters where they belong.)
Now the teenie tiny little man, who's name was Spikey Cricket (No, he wasn't a bug. It's just his last name.) wasn't too thrilled with this assignment, but he figured it was something to relieve his boredom (since he couldn't relieve anything else until he found a teenie tiny woman.)
As soon as the Blue Fairy Bunny was gone, Angel (at Spikey Cricket's urging) went out exploring. Spikey Cricket sat on his shoulder (where he could get a good view down women's shirts, assuming they found any women.)
Gilespetto, now even more depressed than before (after all, even his own puppet abandoned him) went out for a walk. On his walk he passed two people pushing a giant pumpkin but they didn't stop to talk to him so he ignored them and kept walking. After a few minutes he came to a grassy knoll (being careful to look out for second gunmen) and there was a woman sitting there. Oddly, she was eating curds and whey, which was not a common staple. Most people ate incredibly large vegetables from the Sunnyhell Genetic Vegetation Research Laboratory (That's right, the next time you go to the store to buy a tomato to feed your family for a month just remember the Sunnyhell Genetic Vegetation Research Laboratory, where all the best produce comes--OH MY GOD!!!! THE CARROTS ARE LOOSE!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!!!!!!!)
The woman started talking to Gilespetto, which was nice, but she was talking about the stars singing and the nasty spiders coming after Miss Edith, which was not so nice. In fact, it was freaky. It sure as hell freaked Gilespetto out. It freaked him out so much that he ran back to the docks (passing the pumpkin people again) and got into a small boat headed anywhere that wasn't here.
Angel and Spikey Cricket also found the pumpkin people. They were trying valiantly to get the giant pumpkin on the ship. Angel took one look at the little redhead struggling so hard with the pumpkin and fell in love. (With the redhead, not the pumpkin.) Spikey Cricket took one look at the redhead and fell in lust. (Again, not with the pumpkin) Angel immediately rushed to help the redhead with the pumpkin, but before he could get there, Xander Peter (having eaten some particularly off pumpkins earlier in the day) lost his hold on the pumpkin and it fell in the water with a huge splash.
"Um.... Ooops?" said Xander.
Willow Bo Peep vaguely heard what Xander Peter was saying and sort of remembered that they were supposed to be doing something, but she didn't really care. After all, there was a completely gorgeous specimen of manhood standing before her, staring at her like she was the last drop of water in a desert. Why would she care about trivial things like pumpkins and their eaters at a time like this?
The world fell away, choirs of angels started singing, yada yada yada. And before they knew it, they had exchanged names in a breathless sigh and their lips had locked to eachothers more securely than Fort Knox.
Neither Xander Peter nor Spikey Cricket was too happy with this development.
Xander Peter was unhappy because just as the wooden yahoo had shown up Xander was realizing what a babe his friend was and exactly how available he had become since his wife went on her little ocean cruise.
Spikey Cricket was unhappy, not because he was worried about Angel having sex and becoming a cow (to be quite truthful, Spikey was kinda hoping for this development. It would answer a lot of questions for him, like would he be a wooden cow? And if he was a wooden cow, would he eat grass or would he go off in search of fertilizer?) but because Willow had knocked him off of Angel's shoulders.
"Oh sure. Don't mind me. No one ever pays attention to their conscience. And I'm just the little guy too. People these days have no respect for the little guy. Aaarrrgghh!!! I need a tiny woman!"
After much prying, Xander Peter managed to get some airspace between Angel and Willow (eventually resorting to a crowbar) and drug Willow to a boat to go retrieve Cordy. Angel followed and got into the boat right before Xander untied it. So they all set off to sea, where they were promptly eaten by a whale.
Once they were inside the whales stomach, the unlikely foursome (Geez, you people can make anything sound filthy! You need to wash your brains out with soap.) found three things. They found Gilespetto sitting in his little boat. They found Cordy, who's pumpkin had cracked open. And they found a whole lot of disgusting stomach acid covering everything.
The first thing Angel did when Gilespetto had been found was to introduce him to the woman he had fallen in love with. The first thing Xander Peter did was immediately start groveling to Cordy so that she wouldn't hurt him *too* terribly bad over the whole pumpkin incident. The first thing Willow Bo Peep did (after meeting Gilespetto and being all cute and charming for him so that he wouldn't try to keep her and Angel apart) was to go over and beat Xander Peter for tricking her into throwing Cordy Peter into the ocean. The first thing Spikey Cricket did was to again lament the fact that he was still tiny womanless.
Cordy ignored her husband in favor of Gilespetto, who's accent was truly luscious. And Gilespetto was quite enjoying the attention too. They smiled and simpered at eachother, and Willow and Angel were in much the same state, leaving Xander and Spikey to find a way out. Luckily for everyone involved, the pumpkin that Cordy had been trapped in was being digested by the whale (who hadn't spent the majority of his life eating genetically altered pumpkins and couldn't handle the mutations) and got very sick. So sick in fact, the poor whale lost his lunch. So the inhabitants of the whale were freed, but disgusting and slimey and smelly (You try getting covered in whale vomit and still come out of it smelling and looking clean. Can't be done. But at least they didn't come out the other way.)
Anyway, once they had reached dry land and cleaned up a bit (a lot) they all proceeded to Gilespetto's house. Gilespetto and Cordy had hit it off quite wonderfully and were planning the wedding already. Angel decided to ask the Blue Fairy Bunny to make him a real boy (--er... man) so that he could be with Willow Bo Peep forever. Spikey and Xander went to the nearest bar to mourn their lack of love life.
When Angel asked the Blue Fairy Bunny if he could become human, he said it was because he was so in love with someone he couldn't see straight. When the Blue Fairy Bunny asked who, Angel didn't answer. He had heard about this neat thing called 'cryptic' and was trying it out. But the Blue Fairy Bunny took his silence to mean that he was in love with her and she promptly made him human and then jumped him. When he pushed her away and told her that he wasn't in love with her, the Blue Fairy Bunny was so hurt that she sent Angel to hell.
When Willow Bo Peep found out, she was crushed. This was *so* not turning out to be her day. She left Gilespetto's house in tears and went to go find Xander Peter and Spikey Cricket. And they all proceeded to get incredibly drunk. When they had all reached optimum lever of intoxication (when the world is spinning but your not ready to puke) they went off wandering and found themselves on the grassy knoll. Little Dru Muffet was still sitting there, eating her curds and whey and babbling about the stars when a spider showed up. Xander Peter (who was not only fighting the alcohol for coherency but also the many genetically altered pumpkins) fell over at her cry and squished the spider flat. Little Dru Muffet was so happy that she kissed Xander and the sparks flew.
But they had a little problem. Well, actually two little problems. Willow and Spikey were still there, so Dru did some mojo and Angel was pulled out of hell. Willow went off with Angel to go check on her sheep and they took Spikey with them, leaving Xander and Dru to explore their sparks.
When they got to the sheep pen, Willow Bo Peep found a nice surprise. Her missing sheep had come home. And it was being ridden by a little leather encased version of herself. She crouched down to thank ThumbelWillow, who was mumbling to herself.
"This world sucks! There are no tiny men whatsoever! How am I supposed to have any fun in a world with no tiny men? I can't ride any of the big people like ponies! (Please remove your mind from the gutter now.) I hate this place!"
Willow Bo Peep smiled at fortune (or an indecisive author who can't seem to choose between Spike and Angel) and introduced her to Spikey Cricket. Spikey Cricket and ThumbelWillow hit it off immediately (mostly because they were both interested in pony rides, and yes you can go back to your gutters) and went off to explore the possibilities.
And Willow Bo Peep quit her sheep herding job and she and Angel went off into the sunset to live happily ever after.
End Part 1
"Did you see how close the prince and I were getting?" Bunny asked Tara. "He spent more time with me than anyone else! I'll bet he proposes soon!"
"I'm sure you're right!" Tara gave a little squeal of excitement. "And you'll rule LA and I'll rule this kingdom and it'll be so fun!"
"Yeah! Sounds like a plan!" Bunny grinned like a loon. "But lets sneak into mom's room and ask her magick mirror for confirmation." Willow's stepsisters made their way into Sheila's room and stopped in front of the mirror.
"Do you know how to make it work?" Tara asked Bunny.
"Of course I do. I've watched mom do it a lot. First you say: Mirror mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all? Then it'll answer Princess Bunny is the fairest and everyone loves her."
"Guess again." The mirror heard the question. When the girls looked into it, a blue-eyed demon with wicked cheekbones was looking out at them. "You aren't even closest to the fairest. In fact, your face reminds me of a duck for some reason. Now, that little redhead number you've got running around is pretty cute. Clean her up a bit and she's downright hot."
Bunny fumed. "That's not what you're supposed to say! Everyone knows Tara and I are much better looking then *she* could ever hope to be."
"Maybe in your little fantasy world but in reality, not a chance. If I were human I wouldn't touch either of you with a ten foot pole. On the other hand, I'd be all over her."
"Enough!" Cried Tara. "Bunny, it isn't really important right now and we can take care of *her* later. Make her even uglier than she already is or something. Right now we want to know who was the fairest at the ball, remember? So that you get the prince and we can rule the kingdoms together and stuff."
"Oh right. I forgot. Okay mirror, what she said."
"That'd still be the redhead. Like I said, she cleaned up real nice. Prince Angel is already out looking for her. And incidentally, this is *her* kingdom. So if Angel finds her then she'll rule both of them and you two will probably be thrown out on your asses."
Both of the girls were seething in rage. They put their heads together and after only a few days, came up with a plan to get rid of the pesky redhead. They called their faithful lackey Xander the Huntsman and told him to take Willow out into the woods and cut out her heart. Xander willingly agreed (mainly because he thought it would get him past second base with Bunny.)
***********
The next day, while Prince Angel and his friend Doyle were out chasing down shoe leads, Xander took Princess Willow out into the forest and told her to run away as fast as she could. He really didn't have the stomach to kill anyone and he figured that he'd just fake it for Bunny.
Willow, seeing her chance to get out of playing housemaid for her evil stepsisters, didn't even question Xander's strange request. She took off without a backward glance. Xander went back to the castle and said that he killed her. Bunny and Tara bought it without asking for proof or anything. (Did I mention how colossally stupid they were?) So they celebrated and Bunny jumped Xander, 'cuz she was a slut as well as an idiot.
***********
Willow found a small house in the middle of nowhere and decided that she had run far enough for the day. She pounded on the door for a minute but no one answered so she figured the place had been abandoned and went inside.
The place was a mess. Willow considered cleaning it up... for about five seconds. Then she realized that she didn't much care. And she was sick of cleaning. So she went and found a bed and took a nap instead.
A few hours later, Willow was awakened by the sound of several loud voices and what sounded like an argument breaking out. She rolled out of bed and went to go investigate.
What she found was a bunch of guys in the midst of a knock-down-drag-out. As it turns out, the guys were the seven dorks and they lived there. When Willow came out, they immediately stopped fighting and started falling over eachother to impress her, which led to them all fighting again over who saw her first. (They lived out in the middle of nowhere with no females around for miles and miles. They were desperate.) Eventually, Willow broke it up with a sharp whistle.
The dorks separated
sheepishly and introduced themselves to the redhead.
Dork rollcall:
Percy
Devon
Parker
Owen
Ford
Scott
Jonathan
Anyway, the dorks invited Willow to live with them in the hopes that one of them could impress her enough to make her fall in love with them. Not like it'd happen, but as I've said before, they're dorks. What do you expect?
So they all lived together in the forest and Willow magnanimously decided to take on the cooking duties. She outright refused to clean though and the dorks were fine with that because at least they didn't have to put up with Devon's cooking anymore which was a blessing because he couldn't even boil water without causing a kitchen fire and the rest of the dorks were starting to fear for their lives.
And they all lived happily in the forest, ho hum, la de da and now for something completely different.
**********
It had been three months and Angel sick of feet. REALLY sick of feet. He and Doyle (who still isn't dead!!!) managed to make it all the way through the kingdom of LA and true to Angel's prediction, at least a third of the women he had seen had fit the shoe. And the other two-thirds tried to fake it.
And his father was getting sick of the whole 'shoe quest'. In fact, Angel's father had decided that the shoe thing was just some sort of trick to get out of having to actually choose a wife and organized another ball. (Oh the horrors!)
So Angel did what Angels do best and found himself a dark room to brood in while the preparations were being made.
**********
The night of the second ball found many vapid young girls floating around and again Angel was accosted by Bunny, who's hair was so mussed and gelled that it could be classified as a lethal weapon if she were to swing it at someone. (See Anastasia, I didn't forget! Now give me more Tights!!)
Once Angel managed to extract himself from Bunny and her hair of death, he made a beeline for the gardens in the hopes of finding his size seven redhead. Of course, she was off playing house with the dorks so she was nowhere near the gardens and Angel spent the rest of the night sitting in the gardens practicing his lurking skills and waiting for someone who would never show up.
At the end of the night, Angel's father was pretty much livid. He had spent major bucks trying to find a girl for his son and the ingrate hadn't even *tried* to find someone who sparked his interest. So the king of LA decided to take Steps.
**********
The next day Bunny and Tara went back to consult the mirror again. Their mother, Queen Sheila had started negotiations with the king of LA to obtain a bride for his son and the girls wanted to know which one it would be.
So they asked the fairest of all question.
When the mirror demon with the luscious accent showed up, he snickered at the both of them. "Didn't I answer that one last time, you stupid bints?"
"Yeah," Bunny replied. "But you were lying. But now that little ragamuffin is dead, you can't make up any more stupid stuff about her being prettier than us. So just tell us the truth so I can go start having my wedding dress made!"
"You really are thick, aren't you?" Inquired the mirror demon rhetorically. "The little redhead was cuter than you before and she's still cuter than you now. And if the king of LA manages to actually arrange a marriage between one of you and his poofy son, the son will probably end up running for the hills at the first opportunity."
"But she's dead!! There's no way she could be prettier than us!" Tara answered in a huff.
"Guess again. The moron you sent to do the job couldn't follow through and Red is currently shacked up with some dorks."
"Not fair! NOT FAIR!" Bunny started to throw a tantrum. "She's not supposed to still be around! I'm the only one that's important! She should be dead!"
"BUNNY!" Tara yelled. "Calm down! It's not important. After all, she's not here. The mirror is obviously broken. Mom is going to get you married to Angel. And we can go find her and kill her ourselves. Simple!"
"Yeah, you're right. How do we find her though?"
Tara grabbed a convenient hammer and turned to the mirror, an evil smirk on her face "We'll make him tell us... or he'll get to find out what it *really* means to be broken."
***********
So Bunny and Tara managed to.... shall we say.... persuade the yummy mirror demon with the sculpted cheekbones to tell them where Willow was and they sat down and came up with a cunningly devious plan (and it only took them three weeks!)
Their clever plan was really quite simple. They were going to take an apple stuff knocks someone out for a good eight hours then a bottle of it should knock someone out permanently. After that it would be a matter of pure simplicity to disguise one of them and offer Willow the apple.
***********
It was really quite easy to disguise Tara as a harmless old lady. She was boring looking enough as it was that not much of a disguise was needed. Just a change of clothes and a silly wig and viola! A drab looking old lady instead of an insipid looking princess.
And it was also easy to get Willow to take the apple. Willow had always firmly believed in the old adage of 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away'. Unfortunately, she was less well acquainted with the old 'never take candy from strangers' saying. It would have saved her a lot of discomfort if she had been.
Once Tara gave Willow the apple, she light-footed it back to the castle before ensuring that the redhead had eaten the whole thing. In fact, Willow had only taken one bite before realizing that the apple tasted incredibly vile (as all cough syrups taste) and had stopped eating the nasty thing.
But the one bite had done it's job and before Willow could get any kind of grasp on what was happening to her, blackness overcame her and there was nothing more.
**********
The dorks came home to find Willow's limp and lifeless body waiting on their doorstep. Overcome with grief and the desperate horror that overtakes one when they realize that there is absolutely no other female around for miles and miles and that they would have to go back to eating Devon's cooking, the dorks decided to make a shrine to her and to the memory of edible food. So they emptied out one of their glass display cases (that had previously been used to house such fascinating things as a piece of gum that William Shatner had once supposedly chewed and Leonard Nemoy's toenail clippings) and placed Willow inside where she would be preserved for all eternity. (Well, that's what they assumed at least. After all, the toenail clippings were still intact and the gum was still chewable if it was soaked in water and then hit with a hammer a few times.)
And there she stayed.
***********
And so it came to pass that the King of LA and the impostor Queen of Rosenberg announced the upcoming joyous union between Prince Angel and Princess Bunny.
And so it also came to pass that Angel took to the hills about thirty seconds after learning of his doom, just as the mirror demon had predicted.
***********
"So you have to marry the ditzy blonde. Big deal. It's not worth running away from home and throwing away a whole kingdom." Doyle spoke to Angel's back as they headed away from the castle and Angel's doom. "Plus, I'm betting wherever we end up won't have a decent bar for miles. Just marry the girl and then ignore her. That way we can go home."
Angel turned to his friend. "First of all, there's no way in Hell that I'd marry that whining self-centered little bitch. Second of all, if I *did* marry her there is *no* way I'd be able to ignore her. Her voice is so shrill, it's like someone running their fingernails down the chalkboard of my soul. I would probably end up killing her five minutes after the vows were exchanged. And last but certainly not least, we're *not* running away from home. You will be continuing on the quest to find the girl who fits the shoe and I'll be...."
"Hiding from your fiancee?" Doyle suggested.
"NO! I'll be...um... be communing with nature so that my spirit will be prepared when you return with my one true love. Yeah, that sounds good. Let's go with that."
"One true love?" Doyle questioned. "Hate to break it to you, old buddy, but you don't even know the girl's name. You talked for what, an hour or two? What makes you think she's your 'one true love'?"
"She's cute, smart, funny, interesting and mysterious. Sounds like the perfect woman to me. Besides, I'm the hero of this story and she's obviously the leading lady, ergo she must be my one true love. So nyner nyner nyner! Angel finished his speech by sticking out his tongue at his friend; a noble and princely gesture indeed.
So the two friends parted ways; Doyle to find a redhead with size seven feet and Angel continued into the hills, which conveniently surrounded a forest which contained a small cabin that was the home of seven dorks. (Coincidence? I think not!)
Angel soon found the cabin (which is a good thing because this story is already a lot longer then it was supposed to be when I started it) and the display case that contained his one true love.
He stood in shock, looking at the face that was etched into his memory (yet oddly enough, he never thought to put out a general description of her while he had been searching previously. Instead he went with the shoe method and hadn't bothered to rule out those females with the right size who just might have been blondes or ninety year olds or anything else that might have been shouting *this is not the right one* because he was a man which basically translates into idiot in this case.)
Bashing dorks right and left, Angel made his way to the display case and smashed the glass; cutting the hell out of his arms at the same time (because he was idiot mode and simply opening the case and pulling the redhead out just didn't occur to him.)
The sticky fluid dripping on to her face, the sound of the glass shattering and the three week long nap managed to pull Willow partially out of liquid coma trance. The feel of arms crushing her, lips locked onto hers and a tongue in her mouth that definitely did *not* belong to her managed to wake her up the rest of the way. As soon as she was coherent, Angel proposed. And Willow accepted. (Of course.)
The dorks were ecstatic. Willow was alive which meant that they could put William Shatner's gum back where it belonged, assuming they could get it out of Percy's mouth.
*********
Angel and Willow hurried back to the kingdom of LA, stopping along the way to pick up Doyle, who was beyond thrilled that he could stop dealing with the feet. Plus there was the fact that he still wasn't dead, which is always a good thing.
They stopped at a justice of the peace who lived near the castle and got married. Angel was elated because he had found the girl of his dreams and was freed from having to marry that awful Bunny creature and there was nothing his father or anyone else could do because it was all signed and sealed and perfectly legal. Willow was overjoyed because she no longer had to deal with her evil stepsisters, didn't have to cook or clean anymore and she got a pretty hot guy in the bargain, even if he did tend to brood a lot. (It was a habit she was sure she could break him from.)
Shortly after the marriage was announced. (We're talking a span of hours here.) King Ira showed up out of the woodwork and announced that Willow was the heiress to the throne of Rosen, which thrilled Prince Angel's father because it meant the two kingdoms would combine and there would be a much larger tax base.
As for Queen Sheila and Princesses Bunny and Tara, Willow kicked them out of her castle and sent them out to the forest to cook and clean for the dorks. And while she was clearing out the riffraff in her castle, Willow came across a neat mirror with an utterly yummy demon in it. She kept the mirror in her sitting room and she and the demon because good friends even though the mirror flirted with her outrageously and caused Angel to brood in jealousy whenever he happened to overhear one of their conversations.
And Willow and Angel lived happily ever after. And once Angel got to the happily bit, he broke out the leather and was just a generally more fun guy to be around.
The End
Okay, if you aren't as versed in nursery rhymes as I am, a little reference guide:
Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep And doesn't know where to find them Leave them alone and they'll come home Wagging their tails behind them
Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater Had a wife but couldn't keep her Put her in a pumpkin shell And there he kept her very well
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet Eating her curds and whey Along came a spider that sat down beside her And frightened Miss Muffet away.
If you need to know
the story of Pinocchio or Thumbelina, I suggest you go read a book, 'cuz
I'm not going into it here.