Pairing: W/A
Disclaimer: Characters and storylines are not mine, no copy write infringement intended
Summary: I know it's been done a hundred times, but Willow rescues Angel from hell.
Rating: PG-13 (I guess)
Author's Note: Sorry for the repost but I finally decided to get back into writing (after a year + absence I've found my way back) and figured what better place to start than finishing something I started. Please let me know what you think. The sequel will be up really soon.
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~Part: 1~
It was 3a.m. when a worn down Willow collapsed into bed. This was the part she hated most, sleeping. Sleeping meant dreaming, and she could not take any more torture, neither could her body. Instantly she passed out.
It was always the same dream, every night the same nightmare. Angel, battered, surrounded in darkness. He was always crying harsh sobs that could only lead to tears of her own. Each time she tried to reach out to him; to call out his name, to do something other than just watch. It never worked; there wasn't anything that she could do. The physical torture was beyond anything she could ever imagine. Angel was hardly recognizable; she could only distinguish his soul. Every morning she would awaken with a fraction of the injuries inflicted upon Angel, reflected on her own body. And why should this morning be any different.
She got out of bed and stumbled blindly into the tub, turning on the luke-warm water, trying to save herself from any excess agony. She couldn't understand why this was happening to her. It had taken her weeks to realize Angel was in hell, with his soul intact. It was her fault. At first the dreams had come without the physicality, and that's what she thought them to be. They were dreams and nothing more. Something she had manifested in the absence of her two friends. But then when things started to change she realized this was her punishment for sending Angel's soul to hell. She had been too late.
She had long ago invested in heavy make up and long sleeves and she figured her usual baggy style was enough to cover her thin and frail form. She got dressed slowly and carefully trying to avoid rubbing against her scrapes and bruises. Today she had awakened with a nasty cut from her right collarbone across to her left hip. Moving just felt impossible, but she knew it was necessary. She made her way into the kitchen hoping that today would be different. Feeling beyond weak, she prepared a bowl of cereal and took a bite, only to be repulsed and have it come right back up. Her life was becoming a routine.
Willow headed to school knowing that if she didn't everyone would somehow find out. She didn't want everyone worrying about her when they had enough worrying to be doing already. Giles and Xander still hadn't given up hope of finding Buffy. They were busy and she didn't want to burden them. But if she was honest with herself, she just didn't want them to know how horrible a person she really was. She didn't want them to know of her awful deed. She had sent a soul to Hell.
Xander had a very bad feeling. Every time he had seen Willow she appeared to be paler, thinner, and more tired. He didn't know what was wrong, and no matter how many times he asked her, she would always have the same reply. Buffy had been gone for a month and a half, so had Angel (not that Xander cared about him), but he knew that Willow did and it was tearing her apart. He saw her walk in looking even worse than the day before. Did Giles even notice? If he did he didn't pay any regard.
"Willow, I don't know how else to ask you. What's wrong?"
"Xander, I told you a thousand times I'm fine."
"And I have not once believed you. You don't even have to tell me what's wrong. Just tell me how I can help."
"Xander I would tell you if there was something wrong I honestly would. You know me Xander, can't you trust me"
"That's just it Willow, I know you," he whispered to quiet for her to hear as she turned away.
"Willow, as I have just told Xander I will be leaving tomorrow. I have another lead; I really think this is the one." Willow took in Giles haggard form and the faint, dwindling hope in his voice; and she knew she was doing the right thing keeping her secret. She retreated into the stack to find a book. This deteriorating girl was on a mission. She had to rescue Angel. He would hate her, but this insanity needed to stop.
~Part: 2~
Willow's POV
I can't believe I spent all day researching and had absolutely no luck. I used to think I knew what hopelessness meant, but now I actually know what it feels like. I don't know how much more I can take; this guilt is eating away at me. I feel like I'm barely hanging on and I'm only experiencing a fraction of what Angel is, and for only a fraction of the time. How could I do this to him? How could I do this to Buffy? If she ever comes back I don't think our friendship could stand my betrayal, and if I'm honest with myself, I know she isn't coming back. Giles and Xander may still have hope, but I have reality. She isn't coming back. I don't know how I know, but I am 99% sure that she won't be returning, and I can't help thinking it just might be my fault. I don't know how Angel got to hell, just that he's there. I don't know why Buffy ran away, just that she's not coming back. And I do I know it's all my fault.
I stayed awake as long as I possibly could. But eventually the ache consumed me. For the first time in ages I fell into what I thought was a dreamless sleep. I was entirely wrong. After a few moments I found myself surrounded by white. White isn't the right word; there is just a complete lack of any color, a complete lack of anything. There was nothing tangible in this place. No ceiling, no floors, just an eternity of emptiness; and I reveled in it. It was my first moment of peace in what felt like a lifetime.
Suddenly I felt as though I was spinning, but in this emptiness there was no way to be sure. As I came out of my disorientation I found myself in the school's library. I didn't know what I was doing, but I could feel my feet walking. I reached a shelf and there was one book in particular that caught my eye. This hadn't been there earlier today. I grabbed it and sat down at a table. It was made for me. The entire book chronicled my current situation; it was like my life was held before me within the pages of the book. I reached the part where I fell asleep and found myself here, then I skipped ahead. Tomorrow I was going to rescue Angel's soul. It had details of a spell that I would perform, but not what the spell entailed. I awoke to find the spell still in my hand. I had finally had a night without torture.
The weekend came and just the right time to perform the spell. I have to; I'm desperate. I almost feel refreshed. That just doesn't seem to be the right word. Finally, I think I have hope.
I removed my shirt seeing that most of my bruises still remained. Idly I fiddled with the bandage covering my gash, knowing it had to be removed. I had to do a cleansing spell before entering the gates of hell. I needed my aura to be pure if I had hope of ever returning home. Maybe I don't deserve to come back. Maybe I should just take Angel's place. I peeled away the bandage that was stuck with dried blood to my skin. This isn't working. I ripped it in one foul swoop and promptly passed out in pain. When I awoke it was already noon. I needed to perform the spell.
I made all the preparations and began my work. Just as with the soul restoration my body was possessed and the spell was performed through me. I stood before the gates of hell knowing my life would never be the same.
~Part: 3~
Willow's PoV
I wouldn't have guessed hell to be anything like this. Then again how could the human mind even fathom what hell is like. In ways it was almost the opposite of my dream last night. It was complete and total emptiness only it was pitch black darkness. The gates of hell weren't even gates. I just stood their knowing that if I took 2 steps forward I would be in hell, and their would be no turning back. That is exactly what I did. And everything seemed to change. It was still empty at least I think it was. It was too dark to tell, there could have been something an inch in front of me and I would have never seen them. It was so dark I wasn't even sure if my eyes were open. If they weren't I couldn't open them. I was lost surrounded by darkness and it was almost as if I didn't exist.
Now I understand why it is hell, it is complete uncertainty. Not knowing where you are unsure of what your feeling, not knowing if there is someone or something beside you. There could be someone watching you, or you could be totally alone. I'm not sure which would be worse. There weren't lashing flames as I always believed. Instead there were flames that burned within your very being, slowly and excruciatingly melting you from the inside out. It is beyond words but it eats away at you. And I had only been there minutes. It is insane. While being consumed by the unrelenting fire from the inside there was also an unbearable cold that chills you on the outside. It felt as though there was nothing the world that could ever warm me. With the cold unfeeling chill came heartbreaking loneliness. It was overwhelming, the heat and the cold pulling you apart.
A person could drive them selves insane here. Even though I could move freely and I assume I am in some wide-open plane as within my dream, I feel confined. I feel as if I cannot move another inch, as though nonexistent walls are closing in on me. I was never claustrophobic but what I feel now is beyond that. It's revulsion without the hope of relief. To be stuck here with only your thoughts to keep you company, it wouldn't be long before you caved in on yourself. How could I have done that to Angel, how could I have sent him here?
I began walking, although I can't be sure I actually was. I think my feet were moving but nothing around me changed. It was as though I was walking in place and I would be forever. I looked, or attempted to, and as I saw nothing I wondered what had inflicted torture on Angel. I wondered if I would ever reach Angel, and what I would do if I did. Maybe this was all a dream maybe I didn't do a spell at all; maybe I was still sleeping. Maybe instead of dreams of Angel some higher being had decided a more proper punishment; eternity with my thoughts, now that would be hell. But I couldn't help but acknowledge the fact that it felt all too real.
I began running, the insanity gnawing at my brain. I kept running. The faster I went the more desperate I began to feel. I wasn't getting anywhere. I think I ran for days without end until I couldn't bear it any longer and collapsed. I opened my eyes and lying before me was Angel, I couldn't believe my eyes. Just the sight of him within arms reach made me want to cry. I couldn't, I guess part of the torture was to be denied the relief they welcomed. He was facing me his eyes looking straight through me as though I wasn't there at all. I tried to stand up but found I couldn't move. Then I heard a monotonous voice filled with hatred yet somehow still unfeeling, "Are you lost little girl, wait I think I have what you're looking for. Care to make a deal?"
~Part: 4~
Willow's POV
"A deal?" I questioned, looking for the source of the voice.
"Yes, you do know what the word means don't you. What did you bring me?"
I continued to look around but all I could see was an unmoving Angel. It was so disturbing to look at him. He didn't recognize me, or maybe he didn't even see me at all.
"Bring you?"
"Are you just going to repeat everything I say stupid human? Why the look? Did you expect to come here and I just hand your friend over. If it were that easy, no one would be in hell."
"Who are you?"
"Does it really matter? I am his tormentor and yours; that should suffice."
"I-I didn't bring anything." How was I supposed to know? No one told me. I was so stupid to come here. Angel is probably beyond saving, but what if he's not. How can I do this? Who is this? Am I making a deal with the Devil, does the Devil even exist?
"I guess you truly are that stupid. I guess I will just have to take something from you."
"T-t-take something?" That doesn't sound good.
"Let's see, what could you possibly have to offer me that could be fair trade?"
Angel's POV
I have been here forever maybe longer. I wish it would just end, that I could just die. I think that maybe I am dead though, and this is where I shall spend eternity. It's where I belong, but that doesn't mean I enjoy it. I think I'm crazy I'm not quite sure. I can no longer speak. I forget what the world above looks like, how things work. I don't remember many things I only have my instinct and these few thoughts. I think that I still have my thoughts and memories, just so they can be used as torture.
I heard breathing. In front of me there is a women. I can't move. I haven't seen any one in centuries. She looks familiar . . . I think. I don't know. She's probably not even here, just a figment of my imagination. I hear voices. I can't comprehend what they are saying. I'm numb, the pain is unbearable and so I block it out, or perhaps I have become immune to it. Then what would be the point? For the first time in forever I can actually understand my thoughts, and the pain isn't unbearable. What is happening. And then it begins again.
Willow's POV
"What would you be willing to sacrifice for this pathetic being? I'm beginning to bore of him anyways. He's too far-gone. What will you sacrifice?"
I hear Angel scream. It is the scream I have heard every night in my dreams, a sorrowful scream that seems to cause pain in its escape. It is filled with despair, hopelessness, and maybe a little acceptance, defeat. Hearing the scream is enough to feel the pain. The physical injuries never hurt as much as the scream echoing through my head, knowing that I had caused it. I knew what I had to do.
"Anything," I calmly answered.
~~~*~~~
Angel found himself lying on the floor of Willow's bedroom, the remnants of a spell strewn about. He didn't recognize his surroundings. All he knew was that he was alone. He could barely move, he was in too much pain. It was far worse here then it was in Hell. The floor was rubbing into his wounds. He grabbed a blanket from the edge of the bed and buried himself in it, finding the smell intoxicating. He fell asleep, not waking until several days later.
He heard a noise and opened his eyes still unable to move, he hadn't been healing at all. He saw the figure of two men enter the room, they began yelling at him but he didn't understand.
Giles had returned with no luck whatsoever. His lead had led him nowhere. He had entered the library asking for Willow, Xander replied that she was probably recuperating. When Giles called and no one answered they decided to go check on her. No one answered the door, so they broke it down. Making their way around the house there was no sign of Willow. They entered her bedroom the last place left to look, both hoping to find her here. What they found was nothing they expected. Angel lay naked on her floor firmly grasping her blanket. Various herbs and papers were scattered around the room. Willow was nowhere to be found.
"Angel! What did you do to Willow!?" "Where is she?" "You killed her didn't you?!?" there was despair in Giles voice.
Giles was the first to notice that there was no recognition in Angel's eyes. In fact Angel was now crying and appeared to be afraid of them both. The second Xander saw tears he knew something was wrong.
"Xander, he doesn't recognize us, I don't know what happened to him, but where's Willow?" Giles sounded so desperate. He couldn't bear to lose another child. It would be too much. It was all Angel's fault.
The tormenter laughed maliciously, "Torturing the innocent is always so much more fun."
~Part: 5~
Willow's POV
In the hours, days, weeks, months I have been here I have had not a moment of peace. I am not actually sure how long its been, I have no sense of time. I said I would give anything to free the one I had sent here. I never thought that anything would be me. It seems almost fitting, a poetic justice of sorts that I should have to spend eternity here.
My tormenter gives me visions of my loved ones. I see that Angel has not healed at all. It almost makes my sacrifice seemingly done in vain. But I know that this is what I deserve. Angel may not be healing but at least he was able to escape torture. I am no longer the innocent spirit I once was. I lost that the moment I entered into hell. Buffy is still gone as I predicted, Giles and Xander are wearing thin, I wonder if they have noticed my absence.
The one meant to torture me is becoming disgusted with me, and with himself. I can hear it in his voice. It pains him that he is unable to do me harm. Ever since I have been here I have had the one thing that disturbs him the most. Acceptance. I accepted that this was my place, this was where I deserved to be. His physical torment was nothing compared to that of my own mind. At first he thought he was the cause of my pain, and he reveled in it. But I think that now he has come to realize that I am the one torturing myself and he is of no matter to me. It kills him that I do not wish him to stop.
"Look, your friends are going to kill the one you rescued."
I see Giles and Xander rush into my bedroom where Angel is lying helpless, they are yelling at him. And once again his pain is my fault, but there is nothing that I can do to stop it. There is nothing I can do to save him now. There is no change in my demeanor.
"Aren't you going to beg for release, for me to let you go so you can save him. Aren't you going to cry! Yell! For Christ's sake blink!" I almost laughed, for Christ's sake.
"I deserve all that you have to give me."
"You are worthless; I thought torturing the innocent would be fun, but NO! You never once fight back, you never scream! You never cry! You have not yet paid the price. You said you would give Anything to save his soul, and you will, you WILL give everything!"
I could feel myself leaving this plane, I'm sure he could feel it too as his screams became louder.
"THIS IS NOT OVER, YOUR SACRIFICE HAS NOT BEEN MADE. YOU ALONE CAN NOT TIP THE BALANCE YOUR DEBT WILL BE PAID."
And then I was gone his words echoing through my brain. I knew he was telling the truth. He was prophesizing my future. I may be free for now but one day I would pay. There is no get out of Hell free card, of that I am sure.
I once again found myself in the place in between. The wide open peacefulness I had dreamed so long ago. It was surreal.
"Your heart is pure. Too pure for the boundaries of hell. You are needed. Your sacrifice has been noted, but you have messed with the fates. Another sacrifice will be made. But now you shall return home to right what you have wronged. You have proved worthy, we shall meet in the end."
I knew not what it all meant only that I was returning home, a shell of the person I had once been. I was needed.
The End