Summary: Willow's baser instincts take over. Can Angel control her?
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters. They are sole property of Joss and Co. I make no money from this.
Distribution: NHA, SoG, redsoulmates, willsangel, and anyone else I post to. Others just ask.
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We walked a few blocks in silence. I'm amazed at the night. Shadows mean nothing to me now. I simply let all the sounds and smells wash over me. It's amazing what you can see if you're not busy looking for things. So many people just walking around. Unaware of the two vampires walking near them. Ignorance is bliss, isn't it?
"So," I start out. Definitetly need to fill the silence, "what's new with you?" He just looks at me with a blank face. Ok, so not the best thing to start out with. I'm not good at this.
"You really don't have to try to make conversation if you don't want to," Angel says quietly.
"Oh, well I wasn't...," I fell silent. Ok, he got me. I don't know what I expected. The old friendship? No. That wouldn't happen. Too much has changed. I just want to ease some of the tension. I don't like that he's still upset with himself. It's flooding through our connection and into me.
"I was wondering. How long has it been since you, uh, found me?" I don't know why I wanted to know. It just seems important somehow. Did I take longer then normal to rise? Have I been out for months? A girl needs to know.
"Yesterday," he says with sorrow in his voice.
"Oh, huh," I murmur. That doesn't seem long. I want to say something to him. Tell him that everything will be ok. It's not ok, but...sometimes people just need to hear it. We really need to talk. I thought this walk might help, but it's not. He seems shut off somehow.
"Look Angel. We really need to talk, but I don't know what to say to you," I say. He just looks at me and nods. No words, just that simple shake of the head. I sigh. This is not going to be easy.
I look out in front of us. There are two humans walking hand in hand towards us, laughing, having a good time. I can smell them, their sweat, their sex, their perfume. It's intoxicating. I breathe deeply, not that I need to, I just want to smell them. They walk closer. The pretty blonde's smile falters when she looks at us. Does she sense something? Probably not anything she can put her finger on. Her male companion doesn't seem to notice a thing. A small twinge of pain catches me in the gut. I grab at my stomach and let out a gasp of surprise. I look to Angel. He's scared, afraid, but of what?
"Angel?" I ask. I can feel the demon straining to get out. To taste blood. Human blood. The couple stops just a few paces ahead of us. I can smell the fear rolling off them. Heck, I'd be afraid if I were them. Not everyday you see a petite red-head go from human to demon. Fear has them trapped to the spot. I grin at them, showing fangs. I stalk towards them. Then, without warning, I am shoved to the side and into a wall.
"Willow, no," Angel says softly, but I hear the command behind it. He has me pinned to the wall. The couple take off in the other direction.
"Angel, I, I'm hungry," I say. I really didn't have any intentions of hunting when we went on the walk. But, they just looked so...edible. I could taste them, their fear, their love for each other. It was intoxicating.
"Home. Now," Angel says gruffly. I switch back to my human guise. I think he's mad at me. It really wasn't my fault. Does he know that? Does he care? I don't know. I never know with him. He takes me by the arm back to the Hyperion. He doesn't trust me to walk on my own. Neither would I to be honest. His distrust hurts. Like a physical pang in my side. Besides the pangs of hunger I mean. Does he hate me that much? Oh, I couldn't stand it if he did.
We walk back into the hotel lobby. I flop onto the circular couch in the middle of the room. I'm upset right now. Or, I should be. Shouldn't I? Yeah, I'm upset. He didn't have to be so harsh did he? I mean he could have said something instead of being physical. I would have listened. Honest.
"You cannot hunt humans," Angel said pacing in front of me. "Not while I'm around. I won't stand for it."
"I'm sorry Sire," I say. What else could I say? It was an accident, won't happen again? Yeah, right. He wouldn't believe that and neither would I.
"No, I'm sorry Willow. I...should have known better. You're young. Unskilled. I knew better then to take you out tonight. I just...I just thought...," he said trailing off. The tears were in his eyes again. How many times can he cry?
"You just thought I was the old Willow," I finished for him. He nods. What do I say now? Look, you did this, not me? That would be harsh, even for me.
The pain is still in my gut. I really need to eat. I look up at Angel. Willing him to open his bond to me. I don't want to say it. It will only make him upset. Ugh, he's frustrating. He doesn't understand. Or he does and doesn't want to admit it. Fine. I'll say it.
"Uh, Angel," I say tentatively. He looks at me and sees the pain in my eyes. I think he understands. Thank goodness.
"Oh, uh, I have some, uh, pigs blood in the refrigerator in my room. Would you want to...," he says trailing off. He never seems to finish his sentences. Huh. I nod my approval and we begin walking up to his room.
"Thank you. I didn't know how to ask," I say weakly.
"It's ok. I haven't been doing a good job so far. This is hard for me," Angel says.
"I know. I feel it."
"How?" he asks baffled.
"The bond," I say simply.
"Oh, yeah. It's been such a long time. I've shut the others off," He says sadly. Poor Angel. To be cut off from everything. From what was once your family. Oh yeah, I know how he feels. Even before this...transition, I knew.
We are at his room now. I hesitate just inside the door. Looking over the room I remember everything that has happened in the last, what, five or six hours? I shake my head and follow him to the mini- fridge he has in his room. He pulls out two mugs and two bags of blood. After heating them up in the microwave he has on top of the mini-fridge, he hands me a mug and we sit down in his quaint sitting area. Nice and cozy.
I sip at the blood. Being that I've only tasted Sire's blood since awakening, this stuff is gross. I get through the mug, just to be nice. He takes the mug from me and rinses it off in the bathroom sink and puts it back.
"Sorry, I know it's not exactly good. But, it's blood," he says sitting back down.
"No, it's ok Angel. I appreciate it. Thank you."
"Your welcome."
Great, silence. The uncomfortable kind. Maybe now is the time to talk, while we're neatly settled in comfort.
"So," I start off, "we have a lot to talk about. Where do you want to start?"
Angel sighs,"I don't know."
"Well, I'll start, and you can ask questions along the way."
"Alright."
"Right, so, where to begin. Ok, after I resurrected Buffy I kinda went overboard on my magick. I started doing spells for everything. Tara got concerned. She said I should stop. I tried, but I couldn't. I was addicted..." I continued through the story. He never asked one question. Just sat there like a statue soaking it all in. I guess I should be thankful. I don't know if I could have stopped. It was just pouring out of me. All the pain, the hurt, the anger.
"After Tara died I went crazy. I got deep into black magick. I killed the guy who shot her. I killed my magick supplier, and I almost killed Dawn. I even tried to end the world. Xander was able to stop me. I...I stopped practicing after that. Cold turkey. Everyone still thought I was going to go off the deep end one day. I couldn't take it anymore so I ran away. I don't know how long I've been gone. Days, weeks, months. It's all a blur to me. Then, I end up here in LA, with a gash on my wrist. I didn't want to die Angel. I thought I did, but I didn't," I say hoping he understands.
Angel just sits there, taking everything in. What is he thinking? Do I disappoint him? I don't know.
"Angel?"
"I didn't save you. I killed you just as much as that cut would have done, only I did one worse. I made you a vampire. Dammed. I'm sorry Willow. I'm sorry for everything you have had to endure. I'm sorry I didn't save you in time. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed someone the most. I'm just...sorry," he says.
I walk over to him, kneel by his feet, and reach up to hold him. We've both been through so much. I only know the half of what he's been through. But, in time, I hope he will tell me. Right now, we need the comfort the other can give.