My Favouite Dream Of You

Author: Cometails

Distribution: If you want it, it's yours. Just let me know about it first, please.

Spoilers: Ummm. Whole series two thing, I think.

Rating: NC-17

Content: Willow/Angel, obviously.

Summary: Angel's return.

Disclaimer: Nothing to do with me. I stole them all. They belong to Joss Whedon and co. Please forgive me (and don't sue. You can have my mastercard bill, if you want it.)

Feedback: Go on. Please. But, be gentle, yeah? Cheers.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Wake, from your sleep,
The drying of your tears,
Today, we escape, we escape.

(Exit music for a film – Radiohead.)

Willow came racing into the library, her red hair flying out behind her, trying to keep up. The others looked up in surprise as she slammed her hands down on the table, her eyes bright and her breath coming in short bursts.

‘Where is he?’ she half-shouted, trying to stop her body shaking. Xander looked at her in surprise.

‘Who? Oz?’ he asked

Willow shook her head, still finding talking hard. She made sure not to look at Buffy though, as she said;

‘Angel.’

Giles was staring at her in shock. < What the hell does she mean? > ‘Willow, Angel’s in hell. You know that.’

She shook her head again. ‘He’s back.’

Before anyone could recover from the shock and confusion, a spark of inspiration hit Willow and she whispered triumphantly, ‘The mansion!’ and turned and ran.

They followed her, of course, but in her almost hysterical state, Willow outran them all, especially since Giles’ infamous car had broken down again.

The mansion was echoing with screams as they flew through the doorway, reassured by the fact that the screams sounded male. Chasing down the corridors after the noise they came to the main room, and ran straight into some kind of force field.

Willow was crouched in the middle of the floor, her arms wrapped tightly around a figure the others assumed must be Angel. She was rocking him slightly, shushing him as he cried. Giles pushed against the shield, unable to break through, and assuming that his favourite little witch had been at work again. ‘Willow, let us in.’

Willow shook her head. ‘Go home. I’ll call you later.’

The shield turned black, and they could no longer hear Angel’s cries, or see what was going on inside.

End Prologue

And either way you turn,
I'll be there,
Open up your skull,
I'll be there,
Climbing up the walls.

(Climbing up the walls Radiohead)

Willow couldn't say how she knew when Angel returned. Of course, she'd been trying to bring him back since he was first sent to hell. Despite everything Angelus had done to them, Willow knew that Angel had his soul again, and her gentle nature couldn't allow her to just leave him there. But she had failed. She told herself again and again that this wasn't like any of the other spells she had been casting. Even restoring a vampire's soul paled in comparison to bringing said vampire back from hell. She just had to keep trying.

But she felt it when he returned, physically. All the fibres of her body shook with the knowledge that he was back, where he belonged. And she had to go to him.

And now, as she held him in her arms as he trembled, blood tears rolling from his eyes, she didnt know what to do. She had assumed she would just know, as she had known he was back, but she had no idea. So she just held him, in his trance like state, as he moaned and screamed, until he finally fell asleep.

When Willow awoke, it was to the unfamiliar feeling of a body moving in her arms, her head rested against a strong back, and dark eyes staring at her. Willow? Angel whispered as her eyes opened. His voice was harsh and scratched. In one word he managed to convey all the pain he was feeling. He was afraid. Was this real, another dream, or another torment? She had been in his dreams so often. Was this just another one? Willow bounced to her feet. Angel! Oh God, you're back! You are okay, aren't you? she bent down beside him. I mean, how are you feeling? Not sure, he answered, rubbing his head. I think I'm okay, at least, as long as this is real. Oh, it's definitely real and Oh! Her hand shot to her mouth, her eyes wide. Oh and I did a terrible thing. What? I came and found you, and the others followed, and I locked them out. With a forcefield. Oh dear. Well I appreciate it, even if they don't, Angel said, surprisingly coherent and well. Why? I couldn't have faced her so soon, he said, very quietly. Buffy. He was already thinking about Buffy. Why was she surprised? Youll have to see her sometime, Willow pointed out. But not just yet, Angel answered. I have some things to ask you first.

Warily, Willow sat down, not really feeling like answering questions. She wasn't even sure if she would know the answers to the sorts of questions that he was likely to ask. What do you want to know? How did you know I was here? Awkward question number one. I don't know. Just did. She mumbled as a reply. Angel sighed. His head was still screwed from the quick trip back, but he had to know these things. Then he could sleep, and pray not to have nightmares. Did you try to bring me back? he prompted the girl with her hair hiding her face. Yes. It was said so softly he almost didnt hear, and before he even thought, he heard the word why? tumble from his lips. Well I couldnt just leave you there, could I? Willow answered, a little angrily, looking up at him at last. How could he think that she wouldn't try to help him? Despite what happened, you're our friend. At least, when you've got your soul. And I gave you that back, full package. No ifs, buts or clauses. So now you can always be our friend. Angel looked at the hacker in astonishment. That was you? No clauses? Before Willow could reply, he swept her up in his arms and hugged her so tight she thought she might never breathe again. When he finally put her down, he lapsed back into brooding. I still don't understand why you would do that for me after everything I did to you. Somehow, Willow knew the exact words that he needed to hear. Because I forgive you.

End Part 1

you make this all go away.
i'm down to just to thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.
make this all go away.

(Something I can never have – NIN)

Angel was grateful to sleep again. Willow hadn’t been particularly forthcoming in respect to the hundreds of questions buzzing around in his brain, but he figured there was time enough for them later. He was back and full of soul, permanently. And for the moment that was all that mattered.

He tried not to think of what the others would say, whether they would be so unconditionally forgiving as Willow had been. She had gone to phone them, and he was on his own again. He waited impatiently for her to return. He didn’t want to be on his own anymore.

‘Giles?’ Willow had rung his house, hoping to speak to him alone. He would be disappointed in her, she knew, but he might also be slightly more inclined to listen than the others. At least, she hoped so.

‘Willow?’ He sounded like she had just woken him up. She wondered what time it was.

‘Yeah, it’s me. I just wanted to ring and let you know everything was okay.’

‘Okay?’

‘Yeah, Angel’s Angel, still a little screwy after his unwelcome vacation, but fundamentally, he’s still Angel. He’s a little nervous about seeing you lot though.’

‘Understandably. You are sure that he is... Angel, though?’

‘Absolutely.’

‘I suppose I’ll just have to trust you then.’ Giles had accepted that, for some reason, their little, mild Willow was not going to be pushed around in this matter. He wished he knew why.

‘Yes. You will. I’ll try to bring him to the library tomorrow.’ Willow sighed. She could hear Giles’ disappointment. ‘Bye, Giles.’ She hung up.

When Willow returned, Angel was curled up on himself, wrapped tightly in a blanket Willow had found for him before she had found his clothes. It occured to her that, when she had run in, she hadn't even noticed that the vampire was naked. It was totally unimportant, at the time. She smiled though, now. Who would have thought that little old Willow could have comforted a naked vampire, dressed him while he slept, and kept her friends out by forcefield while she did it? Tomorrow she was actually going to have to process everything that had happened. For now though, she looked at Angel, who was half sleeping, half waking, and mostly scared. She moved up slowly behind him, making sure that he knew she was there, so as not to startle him, and put her arms around him. He stirred only a little, but sunk deeper down into her arms, and sighed contentedly. He slept soundly as she held him.

End Part 2

wax me, mould me,
heat the pins and stab them in
you have turned me into this
just wish that it was bullet proof

(bulletproof (I wish I was) – Radiohead)

Angel refused to come with her to the library the next day, and insisted that she go during the sunlight hours so that she could be back at the mansion with him by sundown. Willow conceded, if only because she knew that Angel was nervous about being left at home alone. Her sympathy for the vampire welled up. She could only imagine what he had been through, and she tried her best not to do that too often. It was upsetting.

It was only when she saw all the other pupils that Willow realised that she really should have been in school. <Too late for that now> She tried to be inconspicuous as she slunk along to the library.

Giles, Buffy and Xander all looked up as she entered. Oz and Cordelia weren’t there, and Willow was suddenly grateful. It was hard enough facing the original Scooby Gang, let alone the latest additions.

‘Hi,’ she tried, awkwardly.

‘Willow,’ Giles said, standing. ‘I’d like to talk to you alone, in my office.’ Xander and Buffy both looked confused at his words; this obviously wasn’t part of the rehearsed speech. But Willow ignored them and followed Giles into his tiny office.

Giles sat behind his desk, giving the meeting an ominously formal air. Willow fiddled with her fingers and wished that she could just leave.

‘How did you know Angel was back?’ he asked, jumping straight to the point.

‘I’m not sure. I could just… feel it,’ she was at a loss to explain it any better.

‘You’d tried to bring him back, hadn’t you.’ Not a question, a statement of fact.

‘Yes.’ Willow hung her head.

‘Why.’ Willow thought about her answer very carefully. She had avoided the real answer when Angel had asked, but she felt that she owed Giles the truth, if not more.

‘Because it was too painful to leave him in hell.’

Giles didn’t understand. ‘For Buffy, maybe, but why for you?’ He looked worried as a thought came to him. ‘You weren’t…in… in love….’

Willow saved him. ‘I could feel the pain he was going through. In hell. I think it was a side effect of that damn soul restoration spell.’

‘Feel it? How.’

‘Nightmares,’ Willow answered shortly, trying not to remember the pain and the fear of her dreams. She had hardly slept since Angel had gone. ‘I had to bring him back. For my own sanity.’ She hoped he didn’t hate her. Angelus had killed Jenny…

‘Why didn’t you tell us?’ He actually seemed concerned. Willow felt her hopes raise again.

‘Too much other stuff going on. Can we not tell the others about this?’ For some reason, it was important that they not know. It would only make things harder.

‘We have to tell them something.’

‘Make something up. Please.’ And with that, she walked out, straight past a confused Buffy and stunned Xander, running back to the mansion to be sure to be there by sunset.

She knew that they didn’t understand, just as much as she knew that she couldn’t explain it to them. They had turned her into the person she was, but she knew that they would never accept it. If she had never met Buffy, she would have never had the courage to do the things she did; her magic, fighting demons. This was her life now, and they had given it to her.

But she was still the mouse. That was what they expected from her. But it was no longer what she expected from herself.

She had brought Angel back. And she had done it by herself, for herself, because it was something that she had to do. What she had told Giles about the dreams was only half of it. She couldn’t tell him of the nights she woke up screaming, the nights she found herself halfway to the mansion, still only in her nightie. It had been so hard, but she couldn’t have told them. That would have been even harder. As usual, they wouldn’t have understood.

She was going to have to tell Angel about the dreams. She sighed as she accepted this knowledge, knowing that it was inevitable. He would want to know, and she was too tired to lie to him.

End Part 3

hey love me like i was a brother
they protect me, listen to me
they dug me my very own garden
gave me sunshine, made me happy.
nice dream, nice dream, nice dream.

(Nice Dream – Radiohead)

She ran through the front doors of the mansion, her head still spinning. She wanted to lie down and sleep. She didn’t want to have to think, or act, or explain. She wanted to lie down somewhere very quiet and not move. She definitely did not want to walk into the mansion to see Angel standing by the fireplace, looking very speculative, and as if he wanted to ask her many difficult things. Again. <Oh goddess, how long is this going to go on for? Can’t he just accept that he’s back and leave it at that? Why does he need explanations? >

‘You had them too, didn’t you.’ Willow stopped, shocked, at his quiet words.

‘Pardon?’

‘The dreams. Every moment in hell was like a nightmare to me, but every now and then, the pain would soften, and I would feel that you were there with me, like I could almost see you if I could just turn around. Then I’d wake up, and you were gone.’ He sat down on the floor, looking intently at her. ‘And you felt them too.’

‘Yes.’ She wasn’t going to lie anymore.

‘But sometimes….’ Willow knew what he was trying to say but couldn’t. The dreams where the pain was hardly noticeable, until he had to go back.

‘Yes, sometimes.’

‘You were so perfect in my dreams, I thought that you must be another torment. Mostly I didn’t even believe that you were real. But you are, and you’re still perfect. You got me out.’

‘Of course.’ She couldn’t manage more than a couple of words. She was going to collapse at any moment.

‘Was…. was it…. painful. The dreams.’

Willow didn’t answer. She just let her head drop.

She heard him break. ‘O God,’ he choked out on a sob, ‘Willow,’ she couldn’t bear to look up at the blood tears on his face. ‘I’m so sorry.’

She dropped to the floor, her head in her hands, feeling the pain again.

~~~ It was as if she were inside him, part of him, she could feel what he felt but she couldn’t see him. She felt their skin stretch and blister and burn. She felt their outsides turn black, and their insides turn to flames. She felt their eyes explode, their nails scratching at their face, their swollen tongue begging for it to stop. But it didn’t. It seemed to go on for an eternity. And Willow woke up screaming. ~~~

She shook her head to try and lose the image, at least for the moment. Angel was still on his knees in front of her, his face and chest covered in blood tears that were dripping onto his sweatpants. His eyes stared into her as she looked up. She moved towards him, putting her hands on his shoulders and staring right back at him. They were silent for a moment, before Angel yanked her into his arms and held her as she cried, her salt tears mixing with his blood ones, as if they were one again.

When she fell asleep in his arms, Angel carried her upstairs to a bedroom and lay her on the bed beside her. He smiled when she instinctively found her way back into his arms. He held her while they slept.

End Part 4

I still recall the taste of my tears.
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
my favourite dreams of you still wash ashore.
scraping through my head 'till i don't want to sleep anymore.

(Something I can never have – NIN)

He dreamt that he was back in hell.

In his dreams he saw the faces of his tormentors, and they all looked like Willow.

In his dreams he felt her laugh at his pain.

In his dreams she told him that he could never go home.

In his dreams she hated him.

In his dreams he reached out and grabbed her.

He woke with his arms tight around her waist, her warm hands on his cold bare back, his red tears staining her T-shirt. She saw the pain in his eyes when he woke, and longed to stop it. And suddenly, without words, he let her know how.

Asking with his eyes, he started to kiss her breasts through the T-shirt, his mouth hungry and desperate. When he met with no resistance, he pulled her clothing off over her head, his mouth immediately latching back onto her chest. His hands were on her shoulders pushing her back down onto the bed, and she carefully stopped herself panicking at the thought of what he was going to do. She had dreamt with him again, and she understood what was going on, what he needed to erase the thought of her torturing him in hell.

His hands and mouth were all over her. This was no delicate love, she thought, only a desperate need. He yanked his sweatpants off, and sunk deep inside of her. Willow bit her lip at the pain, telling herself again and again that this was what he needed. He needed her to accept him fully, to give him this release. His pain was too great, and he needed her to lessen it.

So Willow allowed him to have her, to take her virginity, with no tenderness or concern, because of her love for him. And when he finally came, he sunk his fangs into her breast and fed from her.

End Part 5

‘And Hell was so cold
All the vases are so broken
And the roses tear our hands all open.’

(Great Big White World – Marilyn Manson)

Willow’s right arm was numb. <Just like the rest of me>. Angel was sprawled over her, exhausted by the events of the last few days, her blood and his blood covering the both of them. He had passed out before he drained her. <He wouldn’t have drained me. Would he? He was pretty far-gone…. > Willow shook her head and tried to stop thinking. It was strange, she felt completely apathetic, but her mind wouldn’t stop racing with mostly incoherent thoughts. She considered trying to leave, but decided that she really didn’t have the energy necessary to remove the vampire that was lying on top of her.

She decided not to think about why she hadn’t stopped him. She had a horrible feeling that it wasn’t just because she had experienced his dream, and knew how hurt he would be by it. <He’s bound to brood over this one. What can I say though? Nothing is going to make him feel better about this. He’s like a child. He needs permanent reassurances.> She shuddered slightly.

But she didn’t have much choice. Angel lifted his head, just a little, off her breast, and she watched the expressions play across his face as he remembered everything that had happened, but found that she was unable to react. She felt completely anaesthetised. Angel didn’t move any further, but she felt one of his tears drop onto her bare skin.

The watch on her wrist that she could just see informed her that it was just after sunset. If she ran, he’d only follow. Besides, what was the point of running now? She didn’t regret what she had done, and nothing she could say was going to change the fact that it had happened. She wondered what she could say to Angel. She knew that she should say something….

‘It’s okay, you know.’ What else could she say?

‘You’re wrong.’ His voice was thick with the blood he was crying.

And then the door opened.

An hour later, Willow was still lying in Angel’s bed, but this time she was alone, and this time it was her who was crying. Angel had left, she didn’t know where he had gone, or if he was coming back. Xander and Buffy, on the other hand, had made it very clear that they were going to the library, and she was not at all welcome to join them. In fact, Willow thought that if they ever saw her again, she would be lucky to get out alive. Buffy was not a happy slayer.

Which was understandable. But Willow wished that Buffy had at least taken the time to listen to what she’d had to say. <Not that I’d have been able to explain it. But I would have tried. > Instead, the blonde slayer had simply looked at the scene in front of her, and hissed ‘Bitch.’ Turning on her heel, Buffy had walked halfway through the door before turning to look at her ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend again and adding ‘If I ever see either of you again, I’ll stake you both. Vampire or not.’ Willow got the impression that certain bridges had been permanently burned.

Xander, she remembered, hadn’t said a word. But she would have sworn that he was almost crying. He had left immediately on Buffy’s heel.

Willow brushed the tears from her cheeks and sat up in the darkness. She couldn’t stay there any longer. It was almost sunrise, and Angel still wasn’t back. She gathered her clothes, and threw them back on, ignoring the multiple bloodstains. Without looking back at the bedroom, Willow ran out into the rising sun.

End Part 6

‘I don’t care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul.’

(Creep – Radiohead.)

When the sun came up, Angel was hiding in some sort of abandoned warehouse, wishing he had the courage to stand in the light. But he knew that he couldn’t die until he had spoken to Willow. And he couldn’t speak to Willow until he had sorted his head out. And he couldn’t think about anything until he had fed. And he couldn’t feed until the sun went down. And the sun wouldn’t go down for hours yet. He kept his eyes open for stray rats. He had a feeling that this was going to be a very long day.

The worst part was knowing that, if he slept, she was always going to be there, waiting for him behind his eyelids. How could he ever escape someone who was so much a part of him as Willow? And how could he have done what he did to her?

And Buffy…

Oh God. What the hell was he supposed to do now?

Willow slept all day. Nobody rang, or called round. <Nobody cares>

When the sun went down she ventured out from under the duvet, and ate some grapes that were lying around the kitchen. She bathed, scouring herself with the scolding water for almost an hour, topping it up whenever the water threatened to cool. She scrubbed at her skin till it was red. And then she stood in a freezing shower until her toes turned blue.

She dragged her wet hair up into a tight ponytail, and pulled on a baggy jumper with her jeans and trainers. She wondered briefly where her parents were, before realising that it really didn’t matter. She pulled a hat down on her head and wandered out into the streets of Sunnydale.

No vamps that night. She wondered what they were up to. Whether her researching skills would be missed. Whether she would be missed.

The mansion was empty and eerie. Willow meandered through its dark halls aimlessly, her mind blank and her eyes empty. When she found the abandoned bottle of whiskey, she didn’t even wonder what it was doing there, or whom it belonged to. She just drank it, and became even number.

She slept that night in the bed where she had lost her virginity, and refused to shed a single tear.

Angel moved at nightfall, aiming to put as much space between himself and Sunnydale as possible by sunrise. But as he ran away, his mind was full of the red-haired witch he knew would infest his dreams that night.

Buffy wasn’t sleeping. She kept replaying her day through her mind, and it wouldn’t change. She still kept finding her best friend and the man she had loved in bed together, naked and bloody. <Loved? Not love? Perhaps. Things are different now. > Then why did it bother her so much? Because she didn’t want Willow to go through the same thing she had? But Angel at least still had his soul. Willow had said some time ago that it was permanent. That was something, she supposed.

The other scene that was lodged in her head was in the library, just after they had left the mansion. Giles hadn’t seemed nearly as surprised as Buffy had hoped he would be when she told him. He seemed to have been expecting it. She didn’t like that. She had a suspicion that she wasn’t being told something.

She knew that she had been ranting as she paced the library, but it had been mostly incoherent and she couldn’t remember now what she had said. But she did remember how Xander had reacted. He had been silent through all her stages of hysteria; the screaming, the crying, the hugs from Giles. Then, when she had finally calmed down and was sitting at the table, staring into space, he had said, very quietly and calmly; ‘He’d fed from her. Did you notice?’

Buffy was worried about Xander.

She rang Giles.

Giles picked up on the second ring – he obviously hadn’t been sleeping either.

‘Hello?’

‘Giles, if there’s something you’re not telling us about this thing with Willow, I think you should. I’m worried about Xander. You saw how he reacted today.’

Giles sighed deeply. ‘ I suppose you had both better come round, and I shall endeavour to explain what small knowledge I have accumulated on the matter.’ Buffy took this as agreement without actually bothering to translate the words, and went to wake up Xander and take him to the watcher’s house.

And so Giles explained about Willow’s dreams, about how she seemed to be linked to the vampire, even in hell, and how he believed that it was all a lot worse than she had let on. ‘Angel needs support at the moment, and so does Willow. They have to cope somehow. This might be the only was they can.’ He paused. ‘To be honest, I don’t think you really get a say in the matter. He won’t hurt her – he needs her too much. You should think about just letting them be for a while. They’ve been through a lot.’ And with these pearls of wisdom, the watcher retired to bed, leaving the teenagers thinking hard.

End Part 7

And I'm sure you know me well
As I'm sure you don't
But you just can't tell
Who you love and who you won’t no, no
Who you love and who you won't

(Beautiful – The Smashing Pumpkins)

Willow awoke to the rather unpleasant feeling of still being able to feel the alcohol she had drank coursing through her veins. She decided to put off opening her eyes for as long as possible since she wasn’t entirely sure she would be able to handle another sense. Smell was fairly bad; she had a feeling that she’d been sick at some point. Taste was even worse, probably for the same reason. Feel was equally not good, her skin felt rough and tired. But then the fifth one kicked in and she heard someone moving around, obviously trying to be quiet. With a slight groan she opened her eyes, squinting even in the dark room, and saw a man carrying alka seltzer. He had to be a guardian angel.

‘Xander?’

‘Mornin’ Wills. How ya feeling? Why don’t you drink this, and then hop in the nice warm bath I just ran you, while I tidy up in here?’

‘You are the best person in the world.’ Willow tried to sit up but failed miserably. ‘And you are doing this, why?’

‘Cause you’re my best friend. Whatever vampires you bond with.’ He helped her into a sitting position.

‘Giles told us about your dreams, and this apparent bond thingy. I wish you’d told us at the time. We might have been able to help.’

‘Too late now.’

‘Yeah.’ Xander pulled her gently to her feet. ‘ Go have your bath.’

When Willow finally emerged from a very long soak, feeling slightly more human than before, Xander was just finishing changing the sheets on the bed. She didn’t bother asking where he’d found them. Xander was acting way too strange for her to worry about sheets.

He turned around to see her standing in the doorway, dressed in the clean clothes he had brought for her, and moved swiftly towards her, wrapping her up in his arms.

‘I was so worried about you,’ he murmured into her hair.

‘Why?’ She asked, confused at his friendly attitude. She was sleeping with the enemy, literally. He was supposed to be screaming at her.

‘Giles told us about your dreams and stuff, but he also said that he believed that Angel wouldn’t hurt you, because you needed each other. And that kinda got me thinking.’ He let her go and sat her on the bed, placing himself next to her. ‘I was worried about you. He fed from you, you’d been having all these problems and you hadn’t been able to tell me, Oz left you, and Buffy was all upset because you slept with her ex – and I’m stressing the ‘ex’ here – boyfriend. Giles’ talk about you and dead-boy supporting each other made me realise that I haven’t been there to support you. And I should have been.’ Willow smiled. Who would have thought that Xander would handle this so well? ‘Anyway,’ he continued, ‘ so I went to your house to find you and apologise, and you weren’t there, and it was the middle of the night, so I figured that you had to be here. But when I got here you were passed out on the bed. I thought you were dead for a moment, until you started snoring.’ He grinned at the memory of how he had found her. ‘ So I decided to turn over my new leaf right then and there, which is why you’re cleaner and less hung over.’

Willow pulled him into a hug, for a moment forgetting everything else that was wrong. ‘Thank you, Xander.’

‘This doesn’t mean I’m best buds with the dead guy though. I’m doing this for you.’

‘I know.’ Willow’s smile faded. ‘But I don’t think you need to worry about Angel. He’s gone.’

Xander settled down on the bed and put on his best listening face. ‘Tell me what happened.’

End Part 8

‘It’s 4:30 AM on a Tuesday
It doesn’t get much worse than this
In beds in little rooms in buildings in the middle of these lives
Which are completely meaningless
Help me to stay awake, I’m falling….’

(Perfect Blue Buildings – Counting Crows)

Angel lifted his head from his pillow and wished that he could stop dreaming. It was bad enough that every waking thought he had revolved around a certain redheaded witch without adding his sleeping ones to the list as well.

He flipped onto his back, slamming his head back down on the bed. Banging it against the mattress a couple more times, he levered himself of the bad and padded across the wooden floor on bare feet. Opening the fridge door, and blinking at the bright light in the dark room, he reflected that there were advantages to living as long as he had. He had accumulated some money, for example, mostly with Whistler’s help in the last few years, and this enabled him to keep several homes all over the world, and made sure he always had the money for a hotel room with blinds. He grabbed a packet of blood, drained it, and retired back to the bed. God, he was a state. He hated drinking just because he was bored, but it was almost sunlight outside, and he couldn’t settle doing anything else. A pile of books in the corner of the room bore testimony to this. He had read the first page of every one of them.

Angel sighed and, lying back down on his bed, gave into his thoughts.

He wanted to go back to her, talk to her. He found it increasingly impossible to clear his head of the feel of her arms around him, of sleeping beside her, of sex with her Had she wanted it at all? Was she just being Willow, thinking only of other people? Did she have any feelings for him?

Letting out a growl of frustration, Angel pulled his pillow over his head, and closed his eyes.

Eventually he slept, but his dreams were filled with her.

****** She was lying in the sun, on her stomach in the grass, her legs bent at the knees and her bare feet waving in the air. She had a blue sundress on and a straw hat over loose hair that was practically gleaming in the sunlight. Her smile stretched across her face as her hands busied themselves making a daisy chain. She looked up as he walked towards her, revelling in the light and heat on his skin, and her smile grew as he took her hand and pulled her to her feet.

Holding her hand, he led her to a river, its gentle waters skipping across stones and ledges. Squealing with delight, she sat down on the bank and dangled her feet in the clear water. He followed her example and slipped out of his socks and shoes to position himself behind her, one leg either side of hers, his long limbs reaching down to the water, his feet just touching the surface so that the ripples tickled his soles.

He reached out to remove her hat and, placing it on the ground beside them, he looped his arms around her waist and laid his head down against her neck. Her hair was so soft on his face, its shining surface warmed by the sun. He began to kiss it, luxuriating in the feel of it under his lips. Cautiously, he moved her hair to one side and gently kissed the creamy skin beneath it. When his movements met with no resistance, he raised his fingertips to gently brush her shoulders and throat, his lips still caressing the back of her neck. Willow’s head bent back with a soft gasp as his lips moved across her throat. Twisting her body she kissed him full on the lips. His hands moved up to her shoulders again, this time bringing the straps of her sundress down her arms. As she moaned again he unzipped the back of her sundress and his kisses moved lower.

He slipped the sundress down to her waist then stood her up and slipped it down off her feet. She turned around and he stopped for a moment just to look at her, her red hair falling to creamy shoulders, her green eyes huge in her pale face, her rose lips slightly smiling. She was wearing nothing but a strapless white satin bra and matching panties and she looked exquisite.

Tearing his eyes away, he laid out the blanket he had brought on the grass. Looking at her with his heart in his eyes, he reached out a hand to her. Smiling, she took it.

He kept some space between them so that he could continue to appreciate her, but now he reached behind her to unclasp her bra. As her breasts were unbound, he felt himself gasp at her perfection, the absolute whiteness of the flesh contrasted with the rosebud nipples, taunt and begging to be kissed.

Tentatively, he lifted one hand to brush the undersides of her breasts, his eyes flickering to hers, seeking her permission. She moved a little closer and he felt his hands filled with flesh, her thumbs brushing over her nipples.

And then she was kissing him and he was in heaven. She unbuttoned his shirt as his hands pressed into her back and his tongue gained entry to her mouth.

She put her hands on his bare shoulders and pushed him to his knees on the blanket. His mouth moved to her breasts, gently kissing the skin on their undersides, then moving to suckle on her nipples. She moaned again, his hands clasping her behind through the satin.

As he released her chest she pushed him flat on his back, her fingers working at the fastenings of his trousers. Grinning, she slipped them over his thighs and off past his feet, taking his boxers with them so that he was lying naked beneath her. She leant down and kissed him before deliberately lowering herself to straddle him, rubbing satin against skin. Angel moaned indecipherable endearments, his hands running down her shoulders, over her breasts, scraping lightly against her stomach and her thighs before slipping one hand inside her panties.

He moaned again to feel her heat and how wet she was. He was vaguely aware of her hands on his chest and neck, but was far more concerned with the finger he was running along her. He delicately circled her clit before brushing gently across it making her gasp, her hands resting on her thighs as she gave into the pleasure. Angel smiled as she closed her eyes, her lips parted and her head thrown back, throat exposed. And then he slipped his finger inside her.

For beautiful minutes she whispered appreciatively as he played her with skilled fingers, sometimes inside, sometimes barely touching, sometimes harder, but always loving and always perfect.

Then suddenly she wrenched away. He looked at her in confusion, but met her lust filled eyes and relaxed and enjoyed as she ran her hands down her body and looped her fingers around the waistband of her satin covering, slowly pushing them down her hips and thighs and off her legs.

Almost predatorily she moved lithely towards him, sinking to her knees across him, pushing him down to the floor before rubbing against him, this time skin on hot skin. His eyes closed and his head moved back at the feel of her wetness coating him. Then she took him between her hands and slowly, oh so slowly, lowered herself onto him. Her head flung back, her breasts pushed forward, her hair running down her back and her face angelic.

She was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

She moved on top of him, teasing and playing, before finally settling into a rhythm so exquisite he wasn’t sure how long he could last. And when her fingers dug into his arms and her muscles began to clamp around him in ripples, he came inside her, screaming her name.

She lay on top of him, exhausted, and he wrapped the blanket around them to ward off the evening chill. He kissed her forehead and watched her sleep. And he loved her, completely. *****

Angel woke up in tears, alone in his bed, and with an unbearable ache in his heart.

End Part 9

‘Saturday afternoon,
The sunshine pours like wine,
Through my window.
And I know,
All this means is whiling lonely hours,
Watching side shows.
And I feel like,
I’m on the outside,
Of a circle.’

(The Circle – Ocean Colour Scene.)

When Willow woke the following afternoon, she found herself alone in the bed in the mansion, grateful, not for the first time, that her parents went away so often they would not notice that she hadn’t slept in her own bed, again.

Wisps of dreams floated away from her until all that she remembered was that Angel had been there again. The tight, wet feeling between her legs suggested what the subject matter of the dreams might have been. <Again.>

There was a note from Xander on the pillow beside her. He had apparently stayed with her for a little while after she fell asleep following their heart to heart, but had had to go home to check in with his parents.

Willow pulled on her clothes and gathered her stuff together.

But these things had to be done.

An hour later, she was on her way to the library. She had timed it very carefully, asking Xander to keep Buffy occupied while she visited Giles. It was a Sunday, but Willow knew that the Watched would be at the school. He always was.

As she walked through the gates she tried not to think about school the next day. <Let’s get through today first.> Then she’d have to see Buffy. Better to see Giles first.

Willow was pleasantly surprised to see Giles sitting at the library’s dread machine, until he started hitting it. Instantly she jumped into ‘research girl’ mode and stepped in to solve the problem.

‘What’s the matter with it?’ she asked. Giles looked up. If he was surprised to see her, he was very careful not to show it.

‘Damn thing keeps telling me I have mail, but it won’t give it to me.’ He began muttering under his breath, ‘Back home we have names for things that tease like that.’

Willow smiled, but sat down to retrieve the lost mail and informed Giles of its contents.

‘Well that would have been useful three days ago,’ he grumbled, before turning to the hacker. ‘And what are you doing here?’

‘I guess, well, I came to see you. And figure out how much you were hating me.’

Giles sighed, and led Willow into his office. ‘I could never hate you, Willow,’ he started when they were both seated. ‘I may be a little disappointed by this turn of events, but I don’t hate you.’ Willow tried very hard not to start crying. ‘I can’t even blame you, really,’ Giles continued. ‘The whole chain was really predetermined from the moment you restored Angel’s soul. And given your character and nature, we could hardly have expected you to act differently.’ He took her hand as a tear rolled down her cheek. ‘I don’t blame you, Willow, and I’m sure that Buffy will come around. You should concentrate on being happy, making the most of this situation. Given the nature and beginnings of this relationship, I do not doubt that Angel will do everything he can to make you happy.’ Giles was just about to start congratulating himself on a situation well handled when Willow let out a sob and cried ‘Angel’s gone.’

Giles was quite sure that he had never hated anyone so much in his whole life. Even if he discounted the fact that he had killed the woman Giles had loved, Angel had been given a second chance <and a life with Willow> and he had run out on it, hurting the gentlest creature on his way out the door. How many chances did he want?

Willow had told him the situation, in more detail than Giles had really wanted to hear, and he could understand the vampires reasoning <but to leave Willow? >

Giles had sent her home before the sun set, telling her to get plenty of rest before school the next day. She had to face the slayer sometime, and she might as well get it out of the way. He tried to catch up on paperwork, but found himself unable to concentrate. Buffy reported in and went off to patrol, grumpy that he seemed to pay her even less attention than usual. Eventually he threw down his pen, turned out the library lights and headed home.

Giles was half way to his car when he heard the noise behind the gym. He knew that groups of students sometimes hung round there after school, for reasons he was unable to fathom <probably drug related> but he had never heard these sorts of noises before. He supposed that he had better investigate.

Behind the gym, bathed in a blue light, a creature <demon> was feasting on the severed limbs of students. Giles ran back to the safety of the library, vomiting in a flower bed as he went. Locked in with his books again, he rang Willow.

End Part 10

‘Where do we go from here?
The words are coming out all weird.
Where are you now,
When I need you?’

(The Bends – Radiohead.)

Willow, Giles was delighted and relieved to discover, was safely returned home and, once filled in on the latest demon crisis to hit the happy town of Sunnydale, eager to again don her ‘research girl’ cap. She also set his mind at rest by promising not to leave the house. Buffy was still patrolling and Willow promised to ring Giles once she knew more about the flesh-eating thing at the school so that the Watcher could send his slayer out after it. Willow’s name, it was decided, would not be mentioned to Buffy in relation to the knowledge acquired.

Willow dropped her head to bang on the keyboard. <This is ridiculous. > Three hours, and still nothing. <You’d have thought that people would have noticed a demon that glowed blue. > Apparently not. Not even when it ate other peoples limbs. There were no reports of similar incidents in any papers for the area, no reported sightings anywhere on the net, not even any historical references to such a creature.

She was waiting to hear back from what she jokingly liked to call her ‘sources’, with reference to every bad cop or news film ever made. The way she was feeling, she was almost even buying into the X-files conspiracy malarkey. Sources seemed surprisingly appropriate. She decided that the meantime demanded cheese and ham toasties and set off downstairs to make them.

Damn it. She should have known that it was fatal to stop occupying her mind, even for a second. He was always there, hovering just behind her thoughts. She just wanted him to come home.

Whatever Giles said, Willow had no doubt that Angel would go straight back to Buffy. But as long as he was happy, that was okay. She wouldn’t even allow herself to contemplate a scenario where Angel would come home to her. It would hurt too much when he didn’t.

She had long ago admitted to herself that she loved him. She suspected that she had felt that way for even longer than she acknowledged, but she had known for definite since she had allowed him to make love to her, for his own release from nightmares. It was such an un-Willowy thing to do. There had to be a reason for it. And then she had found the reason and almost wished she hadn’t, because now he was never coming back.

Willow grabbed her food and ran back upstairs, determined to put all her energies into finding out about this demon.

~~~~~~~

When she settled back down at her computer, she found a message about the demon in her inbox.

***A glowing demon who eats limbs? Can we get more clichéd? Honestly. Do you people have no imagination? Why would anyone create a demon that glowed blue and ate limbs?***

Totally bemused by this message, Willow checked the sender and discovered her mistake. She had sent out her query to a horror writing site, hence the confusion. But now that she thought about it….

There was no record of this demon, or its victims. It appeared a completely unlikely creature, and was indeed, outrageously clichd. Its existence was only known to Giles, who saw it. Could he have been misled?

A couple of hours later, Willow had the information she needed. Someone had indeed created this demon clich. It was an apparition, an illusion. Perhaps even a decoy, to move attention away from something else that was going on. And only one name she had come across seemed likely to have created this distraction. Apparently, a wizard calling himself Merlin <God, this man is the king of clichs> had set up shop in Sunnydale. He was famous for illusions, especially demon ones. So what the hell was he trying to do?

Willow knew that she should ring Giles. But this man was a warlock <or wizard, as he prefers>, and there was nothing Buffy could do against magic. And Willow was the witch of this group. And she was restless. She might as well help out. <Besides, with a name like Merlin, how tough can he be? > She grabbed her bag of tricks, and headed out the window.

~~~~~~~

A way away, Angel was walking along a darkened road when suddenly he stopped. He had the horrible feeling that something was going to go terribly wrong in Sunnydale.

End Part 11

‘You want me?
Fucking well come and find me
I'll be waiting
With a gun and a pack of sandwiches
And nothing’

(Talk Show Host – Radiohead)

For once, Angel was glad that he hadn’t had the heart to go far away from Sunnydale. As his newly acquired car sped along darkened roads he thought how amused Willow would be at the thought of him stealing a car. Then his expression darkened because he was sure that whatever was wrong, it was to do with Willow. And he needed to be in Sunnydale now, not in almost an hours time. He put his foot down, and started breaking the speed limits even more.

~~~

Willow watched the lights in the library go out as Giles and Buffy left.

‘I’m not sure what it is,’ Giles was explaining, inwardly cursing and wondering why Willow hadn’t called back with any information. ‘ So I suggest that we take it slow for now, just keeping our eyes open for any more clues.’

‘Such as randomly lost limbs?’ Buffy said.

‘Exactly.’

‘What fun.’ Giles glared at his Slayer as they headed off in the direction of the cemetery.

Once she was sure they had gone, Willow snuck in to the school the back way, heading for the library. For some reason, the spell she had found and quickly memorised, was telling her that the only major magic user in the area was hiding out there. Willow hoped that this wasn’t going to be another hellmouth thing. Really, couldn’t people try to take over the world any other way?

As she came to the double doors leading into the Scooby Gang headquarters, Willow noticed a soft blue glow begin to pulse inside, shining through the doors. Willow took a deep breath and quietly opened the door.

~~~

Angel was stuck at a red light, and growing seriously impatient. The wrong feeling he seemed stuck with was getting worse and worse. And until he got to Sunnydale there was nothing he could do about it. He tried to make himself feel better by telling himself that it would only be a few more minutes. If he wanted to drive fast enough to try and get killed a second time.

The lights turned green <finally> and Angel and his stolen transport sped along the road at an outrageous speed, now almost back at the hellmouth.

~~~

Inside the library, the blue light was even brighter. And there was the self-fashioned Merlin, standing right at the centre of it. Willow was mildly surprised – Merlin seemed fairly young, and wore a simple black shirt and trousers. <What did I expect? Long grey beard and a cloak with stars on? On the other hand, he is glowing blue, and that really can’t be normal.>

He was chanting something, but try as she might Willow couldn’t understand it. <He can’t have been here long – Buffy and Giles just left. So what ever he’s doing, he’s only just started, right? >

And then the blue light flared, and Merlin turned to look at her.

~~~

Angel screeched the car to a stop outside Willow’s house. All the lights were out and he got no response to his loud bangs on the door. He clambered up to peer through her bedroom window, but it was empty. <Where the hell is she? > Jumping back down to the street, Angel decided to abandon the car and started running towards the cemetery.

~~~

Buffy was busy kicking some vampire ass when Angel arrived, so it was her Watcher that spotted him first.

‘You’ve come back then, I see. Any particular reason?’

‘Where’s Willow?’ If Angel had had breath to start with, he would surely have run out by now.

‘At home. But I doubt she wants to see you.’

Buffy staked her last vampire, and turned to face them.

‘She’s not there. Something’s wrong, I can feel it.’

‘What are you doing here?’ a particularly pissed off slayer asked, stake still in hand.

‘But I told her to stay at home. Because of the demon.’ Giles continued.

‘What demon? ‘ Angel asked, horror on his face.

‘The one that glows blue,’ Buffy said, absently. ‘Now answer my question.’

Angel turned to the Watcher. ‘Where did you say this demon was?’

‘I saw it at the school….’ Giles started. But Angel had gone, running swiftly in the direction of the library, and a growing blue glow. Giles followed him. Buffy sighed and, slipping the stake back into her waistband, figured that if she wanted any answers, she had better go too.

~~~

Merlin looked at the red-headed witch, a smile on his face. ‘I’m so glad you could make it my dear. There really aren’t enough witches to sacrifice around here these days. I want you to know, I do really appreciate this.’ The blue light turned a blinding red and the wizard reached out a hand to grab her, his other hand holding a dagger that shimmered in the false light.

End Part 12

‘You say I don’t have a leg to stand on,
So it’s a good thing I got two,
But if I had only one leg to stand on,
That’s exactly what I’d do.
I’m doing it my own way.’

(My Own Way – The Rembrants)

Angel and the Giles saw the light turn red when they were still a good few minutes from the library. Angel ran harder. Giles stopped for a moment, out of breath, and Buffy caught him up. ‘What the hell’s going on in there?’ she exclaimed.

‘We’re not entirely sure. But it’s a fair bet that Willow’s there.’

‘Shit.’

‘Exactly.’

Buffy grabbed Giles’ hand, and they carried on running.

A sound like thunder boomed as Angel reached the school. And then the heavens opened and water poured down on him, lightening flaring. Then just as suddenly, they stopped, only to be replaced by a howling wind. Shaking his head, Angel wrenched open the doors to the school and headed towards the library.

He could hear the screams and bangs from all the way down the corridor. The air inside the school seemed to hum with a magical energy, and Angel’s concern for Willow grew. What the hell was going on? The lights from the library flared golden for a moment as Angel reached the door.

He tried to yank the doors open, but fell back as if he were burnt. And the doors remained shut. He tried again, but to similar effect. Bracing himself, he grabbed the handles with both hands and pulled. He dropped to the ground in a flurry of silver sparks. This was not good. Picking himself up off the floor, he went to enlist help.

Back outside the building again, Angel found Buffy and Giles fighting off a collection of vamps, obviously also drawn by the pretty light show the library was so kindly providing. Growling, he jumped into help. He staked one of the vamps attacking Giles even as he was turning to face another of his own. A series of kicks and stabs later, most of them were gone. Glancing around, he noticed another two practically on top of Giles and ran over to perform the traditional ‘jump-and-stake-and-jump-and-stake’ manoeuvre, to great applause. The vampire and the watcher brushed themselves off and looked around for the third member of their happy bunch. The slayer was nowhere to be seen. And the roof of the library had just turned purple.

‘Fuck.’

Giles looked at Angel and said; ‘For once, I totally agree.’

They found Buffy pinned to the ground by half a dozen vamps, a little way away. Surprise on their side, the unlikely duo dusted the lot, before pulling Buffy to her feet where she promptly wrapped her arms around Angel’s waist and reached up to kiss him. Wrenching away, he ran back towards the library, shouting, ‘Doors! We’ve got to get them open!’ The windows of the library were glowing silver. The Watcher and his Slayer followed, still completely dazed and confused.

As the trio reached the door, fire appeared to consume the doorway and the library both, burning and charring everything in its path. Angel screamed and pushed both his hands through the flames to grab the door handles, desperately trying to pull them open. Giles tried to pull him away, but he wouldn’t budge.

And then the fire turned silver, and disappeared. The doors fell open, and the air cleared.

And in the middle of the library, sitting calmly on a table, swinging her legs, was Willow.

End Part 13

‘We were tight, but it falls apart as silver turns to blue.
Waxing with a candlelight, and burning just for you.
Allocate your sentiment, and stick it in a box.
I've never been an extrovert, but I'm still breathing.
Someone tried to do me, ache (it's what I'm afraid of)
With hindsight, I was more than blind, lost without a clue.
Thought I was getting carat gold, and what I got was you.
Stuck inside the circumstance, it's lonely at the top.
I've always been an introvert happily bleeding.’

(36 degrees – Placebo)

Angel fell to the floor as the doors opened. Willow very calmly stood and walked over to help him up.

‘You came back then.’ Angel could only nod.

‘What the bloody hell was that?’ Giles exploded.

‘Merlin.’ Willow giggled. ‘You know, he really should have had a cloak.’

‘What?’ Buffy asked, now thoroughly lost.

‘I’ll tell you what,’ Willow suggested. ‘You take me home and crack open a bottle of whiskey to put in my coffee, and I’ll tell you the whole story.’

There was very little anyone could do but agree with her.

They were sitting around Willow’s lounge, all drinking extraordinarily alcoholic coffees as the redhead began to explain the night’s events.

‘So once I realised that the demon was just an illusion, I figured I had to look for the illusioner, and I came across Merlin. Everywhere I looked, I came across him, and every single resource seemed to show him as a simple, over-ambitious and extremely cliched wannabe magician. Hence the demon that glowed.’ Willow took a long gulp of coffee and carried on talking. ‘So I cast a spell to track anyone with the power to cast the illusionary demon spell, only the power I came across, Merlin, was far, far more powerful than all the references would suggest. And I figured there was something nasty going on.’

‘He was pretending to be completely inept in order to lure you in?’ Giles interrupted.

‘Exactly. He needed the power of my sacrifice to harness the power of the hellmouths. Honestly, one day, someone will come up with a new use for those damn hellmouths. I’m sick of this one. And the letting lose hell on earth idea wasn’t a great one ekither.’

‘So why did you go there alone?’ Angel asked, his voice low.

‘Because none of you would have been any help at all. He was a serious power to reckon with, and I needed to be able to concentrate. And I knew I could count on you lot to keep the interested vamps at bay. I really didn’t want to be interrupted.’ She looked at the vampire. ‘Why, didn’t you think I could do it?’

‘I didn’t say that.’

‘Really though, you shouldn’t have gone alone,’ Giles put in.

‘Seems that there’s a whole new dangerous side to Willow, doesn’t it.’ Buffy commented acidly. Willow ignored her.

‘I don’t need you to look after me, Angel. I’ve been managing fine on my own. So you can go back to wherever your latest hidey-hole is without feeling guilty. Sunnydale’s doing just fine.’ Willow drained the rest of her coffee.

‘Actually,’ Angel said casually, putting down his mug, ‘I think I’m going to stay around for a little while. I’d like to spend some time with my friends.’

There was a long silence before Giles said, ‘Well, we’d better get going. School tomorrow, and all that.’ He stood up. ‘I’ll drive you home, Buffy.’ The slayer reluctantly agreed.

‘I’d better get going too,’ Angel said. ‘Beat that sunrise. I’ll see you tomorrow, Willow.’

And then they were all gone, and Willow could sit down and let the tension in her body go, and cry a little as she fell asleep.

End Part 14

‘Today is the first day
of the rest of your days.
So lighten up, squirt.’

(Lift – Radiohead)

Willow was lying on her bed, flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling. She hadn’t been to school that day. She was too tired, too fed up, and too angry to bother. <What do these people expect from me? I help them out, I solve their problems, I accidentally sleep with the love of my best friend’s life, and still it’s not good enough for them. And him! The nerve of that man. Vampire. Whatever. Just assuming that I’d need his help. Rushing back to save the day after he ran out on me and broke my heart…. No he didn’t. I don’t care about him. Really. > Willow groaned and turned over on her bed.

There was a rap at the window.

‘Come in Angel.’

He did.

‘What do you want?’ she asked, her voice tired.

‘To talk to you.’ He perched on the end of her bed, and she turned over to face him.

‘What about?’

‘Everything that’s happened.’

‘So this is a ‘we slept together, now what do we do’ talk.’

Angel chuckled. ‘I guess so.’

Willow sat up. ‘What is there to talk about. You’re back, I killed the nasty magician bloke, everyone’s still alive, and now things can go back to how they used to be.’

‘How they used to be?’ Angel queried.

‘Yeah. You and Buffy, me and research, Xander, Cordelia and closets. So what else is there to talk about?’

‘What if we don’t want things to go back to how they used to be?’

‘Doesn’t make a difference. That’s the way things are.’

‘They don’t have to be.’

‘I think you’ll find they do.’ Willow countered.

Angel tried a different tack.

‘I went to see Buffy today.’

‘See, back to normal.’

‘No. I told her I wanted her to leave me alone. That everything between us was over, and that I had things to sort out with you.’ Angel winced at the memory. ‘She wasn’t very happy, I’m afraid.’

Willow snorted. ‘Are you surprised? You slept with her best friend, who is; I’d like to point out, equally unpopular at this moment in time. I didn’t even dare go to school and face her today.’

‘You saw her last night.’

‘That was different. I was on a crisis high. And I was drinking whiskey.’

‘Good point. I didn’t know you drank.’

‘I didn’t until you left. You left a bottle of whiskey at the mansion. I drank it all, and Xander had to come and clean me up. Giles says we’re still linked you know, that you should want to stay with me.’ <Good going Will, slip that one in while he’s not listening. That’ll be real popular.>

‘I do,’ Angel said quietly.

‘What?’ Willow whispered.

‘I do want to stay with you. I want to see you every day and talk to you, to sort out all this stuff that’s between us. I want to get you drunk and dancing. I want to show you the witch scene in ‘Monty Python and the Holy Grail’ to see if you laugh. I want to show you Britain and Europe. I want to take you to the movies and dinner. I want to drink cocktails at a casino with you. I want to kiss you.’

Willow didn’t think that she’d ever heard him say so much in one go. Without thinking, she leant forward and touched her lips to his, then pulled back.

‘It’s too difficult, Angel. Buffy….’

‘Is history.’

‘She’s still my friend.’

Angel sighed. ‘I know. But I think she’ll come around eventually.’ He looked at her speculatively.

‘Your holidays start next week, don’t they?’

‘Yes,’ Willow started, wondering what the relevance was.

‘I think we need to get away, to talk things over, rest up, and figure out what’s going on.’

‘But….’

‘Please. I really think we need this. And it will be an adventure.’

Willow knew that he was right. If they ever wanted to move past this, re-build their relationship with the others, and perhaps with each other, they needed time away to figure it all out. Tentatively, she nodded her head.

And so, the following Saturday evening, Willow was sitting patiently on the curb outside her house, bags at her side, when Angel arrived. They packed her belongings into the car and, together, set out into the night, both wondering what the hell happened next.

The End

read the sequal 'When We Wake'

back