Email: cyndyr298@y...
Rating: NC-17 (eventually)
Pairing: W/A
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Summary: Willow spends
Spoilers: For all of Season 6, plus some rumors about Season 7 of Buffy. For Season 3 of Angel.
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~Part: 1~
Willow clutched her suitcase to her mid-section. She stood in the massive foyer of the Hyperion hotel with her head bowed. She felt like a particularly naughty child waiting for her inevitable punishment. Giles and Angel stood together a few feet away from her. They were speaking animatedly in deliberately low tones. Every once in a while she could make out a word or two: 'witchcraft', 'addicted', 'black hair', and 'ending the world'. She fiddled with the clasp of her suitcase, trying not to break down and cry right there. She was the bad seed. A betrayer. A killer. It had been a week since she had attempted a spell that would end the world. A week since she had filleted Warren. A week since she had chased down Jonathan and that other guy. A week since she had stood on a mountain top, lashing out at Xander with vengeful force. A week since she had trapped Buffy and Dawn in a terrible pit with Earth Demons. A week since she had drained Giles of not only his borrowed magicks but his life force as well. A week since she had taken control of Anya's mind and used her for her own purposes. And a week since she had caught Tara's lifeless body in her arms. Been spattered with her lifeblood. Her eyes closed as hot tears burned there. It was useless. She was gone. Gone forever. She'd done a lot of crying since then. It seemed to pour out from some place deep inside. After Xander had stopped her by shouting his love for her, she had dropped to her knees and sobbed in his arms. They had both cried in relief that they were still alive and horror at what she had done. She had eventually passed out, the strain of the past few days had worn her out.
Xander had then picked her up as if she were a rag doll and carried her to his apartment. Giles had watched over her until she woke up two days later, confused and still exhausted. The Watcher had then checked her over for some sign of darkness. He had been relieved to find none. Then, he placed a draining spell on her that sucked out her magickal force. He had captured it in a sphere that would be guarded by the coven who had imbued him with their power.
Though, because she lived on the Hellmouth Willow had a ready power source if she wished to harness it. All she had to do was find a counter spell. A simple task when one had a library full of shady books in the Magic Box. That's why Giles wanted her to stay with Angel while he was gone. So, she would stay away from temptation until she was stronger.
While Los Angeles was hardly black magick free, it wasn't the 'all you can spell power buffet'' that Sunnydale was. Suddenly, Giles' shoes came into view, interrupting her thoughts. His demeanor was courteous if not kind. She bore the weight of his censure as if it were a physical burden."I'll be back in a month, Willow. I just have to take care of a few things in England before I move back to Sunnydale."
"I know. I heard you talking to Buffy on the phone." She muttered. The Slayer hadn't even wanted to see her after what she had done. "I just. . .I want to. . .I could've stayed at my house, Giles. It's not like I'm going to--"
"I don't want to hear it, Willow." Giles said, firmly. He put a finger under her chin and forced her to look up at him. "I know that you think you will never attempt a spell again, but I don't trust you. You need to be monitored."
Her eyes closed briefly in pain, despairing over the anger, pity, and mistrust in his expression. "I'm so sorry, Giles, I-"
"Stop apologizing, Willow. You never can. Nothing you can say will take away the fact that you nearly killed all of your friends, myself included. And destroyed the Earth to boot!" He cut her off, his anger at her was still very close to the surface. He took a deep breath, fighting for calm. "However, the fact that you are remorseful is a good sign. It's why I'm willing to help you. The Willow I know is still in there somewhere."
Willow looked away miserably. "Can't I just stay with Buffy or Xander?" She desperately needed something familiar."I won't be any trouble, I promise."
"Now that you're well and capable of damage once more?" He shook his head. "I'm sorry to say that you wouldn't be welcomed just now." Her eyes flood with tears. Giles responded more harshly then he had planned. "They love you, Willow. We all do, but its too soon."
"You're right." She whispered.
"Come on." A cajoling voice said from behind Giles. "Is it really that bad here?"
Willow looked at Angel mutely. "What? You think I don't know how to have a good time?" He smiled at her enticingly. "I play a mean game of Bingo."
Giles pushed his glasses up his nose as he stared at Angel with a confused grimace. "Are you feeling quite alright?"
"I'm fine. Why?"
"You look so. . .happy." Willow narrowed her eyes, stepping close to Giles subconsciously.
"Oh, that." Angel waved a dismissive hand. "Epiphany." They didn't look relieved. "I still have a soul."
"How do we know you're not lying?" Giles said archly. The Scoobies were still wary of another Angelus attack.
"You'll have to take my word for it. It's not like I can drop trou and show it to you." He laughed then, a throaty one. Both of their eyes widened in alarm. "My soul, that is. I would never take off my pants in front of you. Not that you aren't attractive people, but I don't want to get naked with you. " He assured them hastily. Giles merely rose one eyebrow. "Really. I mean it. I'm completely clothed and I'll stay that way." He tugged at his collar. "See? My shirt isn't even off." They still stared at him. "You want proof?" He shrugged and then a goofy smile spread over his face. "You aren't dead, so that's proof of a sort."
Giles cleared his throat. "Yes, we're all very much alive." He looked down at his watch. "And I must be going, my flight is due to leave in an hour. I have to be there in time to be frisked." He fished his keys out of his pocket along with a slip of paper which he handed to his red haired companion. "There's my number, Willow. Call me if you need me for any reason. Especially if you get a craving."
"I will." Willow promised, tucking the slip in her jeans pocket. A blush suffused her cheeks. She was a magick junkie and would be treated like one, she should be used to it by now.
"Very good." Giles clapped her on the shoulder briefly. He didn't like the look in Willow's eyes, it was obvious that she was awash in a sea of guilt. She needed to redeem herself, not get lost in self pity. Next thing you know, she would be brooding.
Like Angel used to. "You're going to get through this, Willow. I have faith in you."
She smiled tremulously. What she wouldn't give for one his fatherly hugs. Some of his encouraging words and cup of tea.
She stifled the urge to beg him not to go. She felt so alone. So abandoned. "Bye Giles." Was all she could manage.
"Goodbye." Giles echoed. He looked at Angel meaningfully. "Call me if there are any problems."
"I will. Have a nice flight, Rupert."
"Thank you, I will." He nodded to them before he swept out the door, already mentally sifting through his 'to do' list. The large door closed behind him heavily, making a 'thunk' noise.
They were all alone.
"So." Angel said, searching for a topic of conversation. He was never good at small talk.
"So." Willow agreed. The normally talkative hacker and the vampire of a few words regarded each other.
"What's new with you?" Angel threw out. He winced. That wasn't very suave. In his heyday, he'd been able to chat up the ladies with ease. Of course, that was when he'd also done necking of the fatal kind.
She gave a short laugh. "Have you got a few days?" That's when Willow saw something very unusual. "Uh, Angel? Is that a piece of seaweed in your hair?"
Angel gingerly plucked it from his hair. "Oh, yeah." He tossed it in the nearby wastebasket. "I've been pulling that stuff out of the darndest places for days." He touched his hair gingerly. "Kinda hard to get it all when you can't see yourself in the mirror."
Willow wasn't sure she wanted to know but she couldn't help herself. "Okay, there has to be a story with that. How did you get seaweed stuck in, uh, weird places?" Maybe Angelus was involved. Please don't let this be some kind of sick sex story.
"It's a long story." Angel said ruefully.
"Sea monster?"
"Nope. Not a demon story." He put his hands in the pockets of his pants. "Got locked in a cage and thrown in the ocean."
"What?! Who would do such a thing?"
"My son." Angel said sheepishly.
"Geez. What did you do to make him mad?" Willow wondered aloud. "Hold up. Did you just say. . . son?"
"Yeah, I did." Angel gestured for her to follow him and she did. They swung behind the receptionist desk and she settled into a comfy office chair. She placed her suitcase beside her leg. "I have a son now, his name's Conner. I mean, Steven."
"You can't remember his name?" Willow asked.
"No, his name was changed by Holtz." Angel explained as he poured two cups of coffee. He laced his with just a hint of sugar and loaded Willow's down with creamer and sugar too.
"Who's Holtz?" Willow had a big smile on her face when he handed her the cup. So, he hadn't talked to her much when she was in Sunnydale. He had noticed how she took her coffee. Evidently, he had watched more than Buffy during those late night research sessions.
Angel sat down opposite her. "Vampire hunter. Actually, he's from the past but was brought to the future by a demon who-" He shook his head. "Never mind. It's too complicated. Let's just say that Holtz is from the past. He took Connor away from me and went to a demon dimension with him. Now, he's this teenage boy who's so angry because-"
Willow was confused. "He's a teenager? So, you had him years ago and you didn't tell Buffy that you-"
"No, he's only a few months old."
Her brow wrinkled. "Oh, demon dimension time shifty thing, right?"
"Got it in one." Angel said with a small smile.
"Who's the mom?"
"Uh, Darla."
"I thought she was dead!"
"Me too. Wolfram and Hart raised her from the pit of Hell she was in. It was a very scary ceremony."
"Oh." Angel nodded. Apparently, raising the souled vampire's ex-girlfriends from the dead was a common occurrence.
Willow turned her head to the side. "So, why did he dump you in the ocean?"
"Hates me. Thinks I killed his Holtz when I didn't. Somebody made it look like I did."
"Wow. You were set up." Willow said. She took a sip of her coffee. "And I thought Dawn being The Key was a strange twist."
Angel chuckled. "We don't exactly need normal lives. Nice to know that my town isn't the only strange one." He sat back on the sofa with a thoughtful smile. "I forgot how nice this is, too."
"What?" She asked curiously.
"Just talking. Ever since Cordelia-" He broke off. "I've been lonely, I guess."
"I meant to ask you about that. Where's Cordy and Wes? I thought you were all these hot shot detectives." She looked around the room, desperate to talk about something else, anything else but what she had done. Maybe she could just forget for a few minutes. "I'm disappointed. No moody jazz music? Or at least some trench coats and Dick Tracy hats."
Angel looked glum. "Well, Cordy and Wesley aren't exactly here." He heaved a sigh when he saw the questions in her eyes. "Wesley betrayed me. He turned Connor over to Holtz. And Cordelia, according to the almighty Conduit, is currently a 'higher being', serving The Powers That Be."
"I'm so sorry about Wes, Angel. And, I hate to say this but, after the Faith fiasco, you should have known better than to trust him. I mean, he was willing to give me to The Mayor that one time, remember?"
"He's not like that." Angel said defensively. "Least I didn't think he was."
Willow remembered the other part of his statement."And Cordelia's been elevated? Woah, I was still getting used to the vision thing. We are living in strange times." Willow blew out a breath. "Queen C's helping the masses. And its not just with fashion tips."
"She's changed, Willow. " Angel snapped. "She's so. . .heroic and open. And giving. And she's good at bandaging you up when you've been out battling the demons. She's always been beautiful, but now she-"
"Oh? Oh, really." She said with a smile. She hadn't seen Angel so smitten since his early Buffy days, before the evil and leather pants. Well, as smitten as Angel had gotten by then. But he blinked happily. And once, he'd smiled. "I never would have guessed, Angel."
"It's not like that." Angel said, turning away hastily. "She works for me, we're friends."
"Oh, but I think it is like that! You like her!" Willow crowed. "You have a thing for Cordy!"
"I do not!" Angel denied.
"That wasn't very convincing. You do too." She couldn't help but grin. "This is such a good thing, though. I'm so happy for you!"
"How is this good? She's gone."
"But this is progress. You can love again, Angel. You've gotten over Buffy, you can move on now."
"No, I've just picked a more impossible woman to love." She patted his arm sympathetically.
"Well, if it helps, I once overheard her say that you were a. . .hold on a second." She pondered it for a minute. "Got it. Hunk of salty goodness, is the phrase she used."
"Salty goodness?" He mused, grinning like a schoolboy. "She at least thought I was cute."
"Please, Angel, you're gorgeous. And you don't need a mirror to tell you that."
He ducked his head. "Thanks." She laughed. "No, please, continue."
"And so modest." Willow teased.
"Fine, enough compliments for tonight. I appreciate your opinion, though. I think you might be on to something." He looked thoughtful." It took Buffy's death for me to take her off the pedestal I'd placed her on. I can at least consider other women."
"And, I don't want to be. . .rude but she has moved on. You kinda got stalled."
"I'm glad that she has. I want her to be happy. That's part of the reason we broke up. She could never be happy living with a bona fide 'creature of the night'." Angel took another drink. "She deserves it more than anyone."
"I'll drink to that." Willow clinked mugs with him. He brought the coffee to his mouth once more and she couldn't help herself. "But, I think you might be wrong about that. She's been uh, sLAYING Spike and she seems pretty happy about it."
He spit the coffee out, spraying it all over his maroon shirt. "Spike! That's. . . that's disgusting." He stood up and retrieved a napkin from the coffee cart. "Why? Why would she do that?!"
"Lonely, I guess. And those cheekbones--"
He glared at her. "You're not helping."
"Sorry. They're over though, from I've gathered. It's of the past."
"I would hope so. I never thought Buffy would stoop to. . .that. He's so irritating. With that phony accent and the bleached hair."
"Like I said, I imagine being brought back to life, changed her opinions about things." She sighed. "Yet more fallout from my dark magick binges." A tear fell down her cheek. "Poor Buffy. What I must have put her through."
"You gave her life, Willow. " He handed her a napkin. "That's an amazing gift. Yes, it came at a price, the pain must have been terrible. But she's alive and for that, I'M eternally grateful."
"Thanks." She took a shuddering breath. "I have so much to atone for, Angel."
"Well, you're aren't the only one who's done some terrible things." He said meaningfully.
"Yes, but you didn't have a soul when you did yours."
"Oh, yeah?" Angel grabbed her hand and pulled her after him. He stopped in the foyer until they were standing over a pentagram drawn in red, that was faded in most parts. She'd been so distracted earlier that she hadn't noticed it. "See this? I did it this year. Extremely black magick. I even had to use blood to complete the ritual. Human blood."
"Oh, Angel, that's so dangerous." Willow breathed.
"I would have done anything to get Connor back." he explained. "Just like you would have done anything to get Buffy back. We did what we did out of love. And," He confessed. "I almost got Fred killed in the process."
"Fred?"
"This girl I rescued from a demon dimension. She's great. You'll meet her later. She's out with her boyfriend, Gunn, at the moment. He's a first rate vamp hunter." Angel said proudly.
"What's up with you and demon dimensions?" Willow asked , perplexed. "I mean, you're swallowed up by them, spit out of them, sucked into them, have to fight to get out of them. What do you think that means?"
"You got me. Why can't I go to one of the heavenly ones?" Angel asked.
"Because you'd get a happy?"
Angel sighed, feeling the burden of Angelus once more. "I have to atone for countless deaths. A century's worth of death and mahyem. You only killed one person."
"Is this your version of a pep talk?"
"I'm just saying that, numbers wise, I'm clearly in the red."
"It doesn't make me feel any less guilty." She brightened. "Do you like cookies? Making cookies helps dull the guilt."
"Are they blood cookies?"
"No." Her shoulders slumped. "It was a dumb idea anyway. Cookies aren't gonna cut it. I have to, like, cure cancer or save a boat load of children. Or maybe invent a device that keeps your other sock from being lost in the wash."
"It could happen. This IS L.A., you know. Plus, you're working for me now."
"I am?"
"You am. I'm down one book guy. If I remember right, you're research gal."
"I am." Willow said proudly. "Any big evil brewing? Demons terrorizing the masses? An apocalypse on the way?"
"No, after Xander stopped yours, its been kinda slow." Angel teased. Willow's lower lip trembled just a bit. "Oh, come on. Like you're the only person in the room whose tried to bring forth Armageddon."
"Oh that's right! Acathla."
"You don't have to sound so happy about it."
"Sorry, its just. . .nice to not be alone in this."
"I know what you mean. For quite a while, I had the market cornered in guilt."
"You can brood with the best of them." He stood up. "Why don't we go search the net? Drum up some business, maybe?"
"We?"
"Okay, you."
"Sounds good to me." She sat up, coffee cup in hand, only to have it slip through her fingers and shatter on the floor. "Oh, Angel, I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying attention."
Angel couldn't help but grin as he helped her clean it up. "Don't worry. It's not the end of the world."
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