Friendship

Note: Text enclosed in < > represents thoughts or feelings. 

Bed sounded wonderful...but there was only one.  Angel's.  Willow hesitated, mentally trying to envision herself curling up under black silk sheets.  <Mmmm, silk...> 

And then later, when Angel arrived home, tired... 

Willow flushed at where her imagination was leading.  <The couch looks good!> 

Willow walked over to the black leather couch.  She sat, experimentally fluffing the throw pillows.  She tried reclining on her back, gazing up at the ceiling. 

Sleep didn't come.  < ...it's too bright...my shoes are still on...leather squeaks...> 

<Strange, little things didn't bother to me earlier when we were...making out?>  Willow snickered, <Lord, Oh Lord, how about "necking"?!> 

Needing to move, she bounced to her feet and wandered over to the light switch near the elevator doors. 

A quick flip plunged the room into near darkness, illuminated only by the soft light emanating from the hall.  <Trust a vampire not to have any windows.> 

Willow cautiously crossed the dark room, her memory hesitantly guiding her steps to the general vicinity of the couch.  She felt her way with extended arms, hoping not to run into a wall. 

"Merrow?"  Cat's inquiry came out of the dark.  <Please don't trip me, Cat...> 

Willow's foot collided lightly with the couch.  She carefully checked her location with her fingers, <seeing by Braille> and found the seat. 

Willow settled her body into a reclining position and kicked her shoes and socks off onto the floor. 

"Meow," Cat landed on the leather back with a light thud. 

"Come'ere, Kitty," Willow leaned back, settling against the throw pillows, patting her stomach.  A moment passed before Cat landed softly on Willow's stomach.  She purred and walked in adoring circles, rubbing against Willow's hands before finally curling into a ball. 

Willow gritted her teeth and endured the contented kneading going on against her stomach.  Sharp kitty claws sank in and out of her blouse, lightly pricking the soft flesh of her belly, then lightly retracting  without actually penetrating.  <Just like her owner...> 

Lulled by Cat's purr, Willow quickly drifted off into a deep sleep, surrendering to her own exhaustion.  The night slipped peacefully by, undisturbed by dreams. 

Sleepily, Willow shifted slightly, searching for the ever-elusive, perfect position. Her movements set the couch to rocking gently beneath her. 

<Rocking?> the sleepy thought drifted by. 

Gradually, she drifted out of her slumber, shifting into a waking dream.  Her senses began to provide other, new impressions.  She felt warm, safe, wrapped up like an infant in swaddling blankets rocking in her mother's arms.  Willow's mind floundered briefly with the image. <Rocking?  Something isn't quite right...> 

Willow's eyes fluttered open to confront a bare male chest. Her head rested against a heavily muscled shoulder, her cheek pillowed comfortably on a firm pectoral. The flesh under her cheek felt soothingly cool and did not rise and fall with breathing... <Angel.> 

Willow's left arm was wrapped securely around his stomach; she lay on her side pressing against his body.  One of his hands was buried in her hair, cradling her head.  His other hand rested against her back, his arm curling protectively over her. 

They were wrapped in silk sheets, warmed by the moving mattress beneath.  A tactile check of her body revealed it to be fully clothed, with the exception of her bare feet. 

Willow turned her head slightly to peek up at Angel.  His eyes were closed and he lay perfectly still.  <Thank God!  He's not awake!> 

A digital clock on a nightstand beside the bed read 5:57 in bright red numbers. 

Willow cautiously extended an inquisitive toe towards Angel.  Her toe lightly brushed over the fuzz of a bare male calf.  <Bare chest. Bare calf!> 

Willow tried to subdue a buoying surge of panic.  <Careful or you'll wake him!  Then you'll really be in trouble!> 

<Relax, Enjoy...> an evil little part of her mind urged. 

<No!!  Silence!!!>  Willow shifted her weight experimentally, wondering how to move on the waterbed without creating a storm of waves. <How the heck do I get out of this?!> 

"Mew!"  a protesting squeak came from against her back.  A soft furry warmth pressing into the small of her back shifted, stretching.  Angel's hold on her tightened fractionally. 

<Wonderful!  Talk about being caught between a rock and a hard place!> Cat and Angel had her pinned. 

In order to escape, Willow decided she needed to first elude Angel's arms.  Willow began by gently lifting the hand covering her shoulders and settling it lightly onto his chest. 

<Success!  Now on to his other.> 

Suddenly, the bed shifted.  Willow let out a shocked squeak as the mattress dipped and Angel rolled over on top of her. 

"Mrrow!" An unhappy protest sounded from Cat, who leapt to the floor. 

Angel gathered her into his arms, easily denying her attempt at escape.  A naked male thigh slid up between her own, parting them. Angel supported most of his weight on his elbows, resting just enough on her to hold her still. 

Willow saw a flash of dark eyes gazing into her own before his mouth swooped down to steal a kiss.  The kiss, slow, soft, erotic...Willow sighed into his mouth . 

Willow clutched his shoulders, indulging recklessly, heedless of common sense.  <What happened to "Angel's Not Attracted"?! > the sane, rational voice in her head demanded. 

<Silence!>  boomed the sensual side. 

Angel smiled, pulling his mouth slightly from hers.  "Morning, Hotstuff, "  he whispered, teasing her mouth with his.  His eyes were dark with desire. 

"Angel?"  Willow managed a strangled whisper, confusion showing in her eyes. 

Angel saw, misinterpreting her confusion for fear.  His smile evaporated, pain and vulnerability showing in his eyes. 

"I'm sorry I frightened you last night,"  he apologized, regret tearing open his defenses like a wound. 

His eyes fastened on her throat, his fingers grazing the bruise his fangs caused.  "I'd do anything to take this back." 

"It's ok,"  Willow averted her eyes, unable to stand his loneliness and hurt. "No big deal," she mumbled, feeling awkward and exposed. 

Angel gently seized her chin, bringing her eyes back to his. "It is a big deal," he said, deadly serious.  "Especially if it's cost me our friendship." 

"Last night, I lost my best friend."  Angel swallowed, fighting for control. His hand traced her cheek, burying itself in her hair. 

"Willow, please tell me that I'm not going to lose my last one this morning," he begged, quiet desperation overcoming pride and defenses. 

Willow stared up at Angel, horrified, heartbroken at what he was thinking. He looked close to tears; she felt her own eyes flooding. <He's lost so much already...> 

"Oh, Angel."  Willow buried her fingers in his hair, desperate to offer comfort.  Her thumb stroked soothing circles along the side of his face. 

A single tear, blood red, spilled from the corner of Angel's eye. He turned his head into her chest like a child, burying his face between her breasts. 

Angel cried silently, unmoving, against her. Tears slowly soaked through her blouse and his body remained rigid with grief. 

Willow tenderly held him, offering support, friendship, lo...loyalty. She gently rubbed his scalp, praying for some way, any way, to make things better. 

"They crucified him, Willow,"  Angel's broken words, torn from him, were muffled against her breasts.  "They desecrated his soul, drained him, vamped him. They crucified his body in front of the church, as a warning." 

"What kind of warning?" Willow asked absently, horrified at the thought of a priest being... 

"Of what happens to priests who befriend vampires-"  Angel looked up abruptly, his eyes burning with rage, hate. Blood streaked his cheeks. 

"They have to burn Matthew's body today, to stop him from rising tonight," Angel snarled the words, his face almost transforming with fury. "I'm going to find his killer and redefine Hell for him, Willow-" 

"I'm going to make them pay for this-" the intensity of his rage, his hate frightened her. But the angry tears, that terrible self-loathing, overrode caution. 

Angel roughly scrubbed his tears away with the back of his hand, angry with himself for crying, frightened at the depths of his own grief. 

"I despise my own weakness, Willow,"   the confession came harshly. "Sometimes the price is too high, and I wonder if what I've done to myself is worth it. I'm so sick of caring..." 

"Angel, No!"  Willow pleaded, trying to command him with her voice to stop.  "Don't say that!"  she gasped, grabbing his face in her hands. She felt her heart sink at the thought that he might be giving up, after eighty years... <I won't let you!> 

"It was so much easier before."  bitterness tinged his words . <I have to get through to him-> 

"It's worth it!" she met his eyes, trying to force her truth, to make him believe.  "You're a good person.  Otherwise, Matthew-" 

"Matthew is dead," he hissed, cutting her off.  "Matthew is a vampire and so am I-" 

"No!  You're NOT!"  Willow screamed into his face, suddenly furious. "I Won't Allow It!" 

Angel turned his cold, stone hard gaze into her soul.  "Are you going to save me Willow?"  his words mocked, but Willow could see his underlying desolation.  <So alone.>  She hurt inside, for him, with him. 

"Yes,"  Willow spoke the vow, without thinking, backing it with a determined fury.  Her vehemence shocked her and him.  Their eyes locked in a silent battle of will. 

Willow saw Angel's anger turn to resignation, defeat.  His eyes held an ancient weariness as he whispered, "I pray you can."  He handed her the victory and turned his face into her neck, seeking the comfort of her embrace again. 

Willow wrapped her arms around Angel, using all of her strength to hold him. Angel accepted her embrace, crushing her body against his with incredible strength. They held each other forever.  <Or maybe it only feels that way...> 

"Angel," Willow began gently, trying to ease his pain and guilt, "this isn't your fault." 

"It is," Angel protested, sounding incredibly tired, but sane. 

"Matthew chose you as his friend, chose to help," she tried again. "He didn't-" 

"This shouldn't have happened,"  Angel interrupted, looking up. "I should have been there." 

"You couldn't know!" Willow argued.  "You don't even know why this happened, do you?  Or who did it?" 

Angel shook his head, his frustration obvious in his eyes. 

"Then how could you have suspected?" Willow demanded, trying to reason with him.  <Stubborn...> 

"I should have known," Angel scowled, his reply final.  <He's determined to accept total blame,> Willow thought. 

Willow sighed, giving in, wanting to argue with him, but lacking the strength to fight him.  She felt utterly drained; physical, mental, and emotional exhaustion had sapped every reserve she possessed. 

Willow gently reached up to his face, her fingers tracing his scowl before slipping around his neck.   "Let it go, Angel...for now," she coaxed his head back down against her chest, tucking it under her chin. "Just for now," she closed her eyes, stroking his hair. 

Together they drifted back into sleep.