Friendship

Note: Text enclosed in < > represents thoughts or feelings. 

"I.I.I.umm.that is." Willow stammered, her face flushing through every conceivable shade of red in the visible spectrum.  "I.he.well.umm."  Finally, she lapsed into silence, settling for a previously undiscovered shade of scarlet.  The heat radiating off her face alone warmed the air around her by several degrees.  Willow cast her eyes skyward.  <How did I get myself into this?!> 

Beside her, Buffy colored delicately, clearing her throat in embarrassment.  "Never mind!"  The words exploded from her.  "I never should have asked you that!"    Willow glanced back over at her friend. Buffy's face betrayed her muddled feelings.  She shrugged emphatically, that simple gesture conveying far more of her distress than simple words could have. 

A brief, uneasy silence ensued.  Mentally, Willow stumbled over the idea of telling Buffy the truth.  <I should tell her the truth!...But if she's changing her mind about wanting Angel?!...She's my friend!...Why does she need both of them?!...I NEED TO BE HONEST!...It's not fair!  HE'S MINE!> 

Horrified by her pettiness, Willow gasped, drawing a curious stare from Buffy.  <I'll lose him!.Stop it!...He's not mine to lose!> 

"Buffy, aren't you happy with Xander?!" Willow exclaimed in a tiny voice, befitting her smallness, her selfishness. Buffy's eyes and mouth widened in shock.  Willow rushed recklessly ahead, needing to know.  "I mean--you're not having second thoughts about.Angel, are you?" 

The unexpected question momentarily bowled Buffy over.  She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.  Her lips moved without making a sound.  She gaped in astonishment, then sent her gaze downward, concealing any further expression from Willow.  "No!  Of course not!"  Buffy burst out forcefully at the ground, sending a surge of relief through Willow.  "Xander's been wonderful!"  Buffy reinforced her previous statement at a calmer volume. 

"Good!"  Willow smiled, relief turning to happiness.  <I'm happy, Buffy's happy, Xander's...happy.>  A lump formed in her throat.  <Everyone's happy except...Angel.  But I can fix that!...I think.> 

"I'm glad I'm not trespassing!"  The unspoken thought erupted in cheerful rush, before Willow could stop herself.  <Oops, that came out wrong!>  Buffy's lips compressed, inspiring uneasy trepidation in Willow.  <I've managed to upset her again!> 

Willow grabbed her friend's hand and Buffy responded to her touch by looking back up at her.  "I mean..I don't want a guy...any guy!...to come between us," she added emphatically, offering Buffy a tremulous smile, her eyes pleading for forgiveness.  <Please tell me they won't!> 

Buffy paused, considering.  "You're my best friend, Willow,"  Buffy grinned suddenly and squeezed her hand.  "Of course, we won't let some icky boy come between us!"  Willow giggled and Buffy did likewise.  Both girls giggled semi-hysterically, laughing more to dispel the awkward tension than over Buffy's humor. 

After a long moment their laughter wore itself out.  They walked on in silence, nearing Willow's house.  Willow felt somewhat better.  Being at odds with her best friend over a guy seemed so wrong.  <So Cordelia!  Ick!> 

Even so...something still felt undeniably WRONG.  Willow sensed an impending doom hanging over them like a creaky chandelier.  Her stomach knotted in silent anxiety as they approached her front door.  <Someone has been in my house...And how did we wind up here without ever discussing our destination?!> 

Her knotty stomach growled loudly, reminding Willow that she hadn't eaten since last night.  The anxiety and hunger made her feel queasy.  Willow opened the front door and glanced at Buffy before going in, watching to see if the Slayer's super senses perceived anything extraordinary.  Apparently not; Buffy appeared preoccupied again. 

Willow stepped in, peering cautiously about.  She carefully scanned every room, searching for any sign of intruders.  Nothing seemed amiss, nor out of place.  Both of her parents should be working, leaving the house entirely empty. Willow shoved the worry aside, dismissing it as silly.  She headed up the stairs to her room, Buffy at her heels.  <Nothing to worry about...> 

Willow reached her bedroom and pushed the partially open door the rest of the way.  Her room seemed undisturbed.  Willow again tried squelching the persistent worry that someone had been here, trespassing in her home.  <Stop being so silly!> 

She entered the room and Buffy followed her.  After several moments of puttering aimlessly the bad feelings began to fade.  Willow went to the closet, pushing it open. Buffy perched quietly on her bed.  <Buffy seems awfully quiet.> 

Willow began to unbutton Angel's shirt, absently wondering what to wear.  <Maybe something a little daring even, befitting the new and improved...!> 

Willow gasped in shock as she glanced down her chest.  Her previously-white-now- stained-red-from- vampire-tears bra became another vivid reminder of last night.  <Oh! Thank God, my back was to Buffy!> 

Willow carefully unhooked the front latch of her bra and removed it with the shirt.  Her luck held--Buffy did not notice anything peculiar about her actions. 

Willow finished dressing, and moved over to her vanity.  She absently sorted through her makeup tray, choosing a tube of concealor, foundation, and powder from among the seldomly used cosmetics.  A careful glance in the mirror revealed four very distinct bruises spaced evenly over her jugular.<Hardly a typical hickey!> 

"Why don't I do that for you?"  Buffy offered as Willow unscrewed the cap from the concealor. 

"Thanks,"  Willow smiled at her friend in the mirror, pleased by the overture. 

Buffy stood and walked over to the vanity, taking the makeup away from Willow.  Willow tilted her head back--exposing her throat--so that her friend could see her neck clearly.  She closed her eyes, enjoying the cool dab of the applicator against her skin. 

"Was the neck thing horrible?" Buffy asked suddenly.  Willow's eyes flew open.  A nervous surge of energy nearly knocked her over backward.  She gulped, trying to think of a response.  The skin across her throat tightening at the motion, graphically recalling the memory of Angel's mouth on her throat. 

"Noooo."  Willow drawled absently, stretching her imagination to its limits, trying to emotionally associate anything involving physical intimacy with Angel as "horrible".  She failed.  <I remember being frightened.> 

"It was kinda scary," Willow finally finished.  She stared up at the stucco ceiling, remembering...<But afterward, I was.turned on.> 

"And kinky," she added as a afterthought, before she could stop herself.  Willow closed her eyes again in horrified embarrassment.  <Why can't I just keep my mouth shut?!> 

The powder brush struck her throat, sending a cloud of loose powder into the air.  Willow sneezed, tilting her head back up. 

"All done,"  Buffy snapped, briskly recapping the makeup.  "You'll need to reapply more later this afternoon," she informed Willow, efficiently scooping up the makeup with both hands.  She extended her full hands toward Willow. 

Willow cupped her hands to receive the makeup Buffy plunked into them.  She cringed inwardly at the withdrawn, distant look on her friend's face.  <I wonder why Buffy is brooding...something must be really wrong.> 

Willow picked up her school bag, worrying her lip as Buffy complacently followed her downstairs to the kitchen.  She retrieved an apple from the refrigerator and headed for the front door, covertly watching the Slayer. 

What she saw brought her to a sharp, shocked halt.  For the first time that morning, Willow really looked hard at her friend, paying careful attention. 

Buffy's wane face bore the shadow of extreme fatigue, her being hunched from physical exhaustion.  Her beautiful brown eyes--swollen and red--were underlined by dark circles.  Even her hair was unkempt from lack of care and her ragged nails chewed down to the cuticle. 

"Buffy, what's happened to you?"  Willow gasped in horror.  <How could I not have noticed?!>  Guilt pursued her--she knew why.  <I've been so wrapped up in myself...> 

Buffy opened her mouth to deny anything being wrong.  Their eyes locked, Willow's horror penetrating Buffy's apathetic stupor.  After a moment she gave a harsh, bitter laugh.  "Oh, the usual," she replied with heavy sarcasm.  "I've been having nightmares.visions...whatever." 

"About what?"  Willow asked gently, moving closer to take Buffy's hand.  She guided Buffy over to the kitchen table and sat down.  Buffy did likewise. 

"Slayer stuff, I guess,"  Buffy sighed, sounding exhausted beyond caring.  "Sometimes about the Master coming back to kill me again.  Sometimes he's Giles and."  She leaned back in the chair,  "And sometimes Angel." 

"Have you told Giles?"  Willow asked, sympathy softening her tone.  <Oh, Buffy...why didn't you tell me?  No wonder...> 

"Tell Giles what?  That he's the Master wearing a Giles mask?"  Buffy interjected weary cynicism into the question.   "The worst part is-I've been having them while I'm awake.  I can't tell anymore what's real and what's a dream." 

Willow met Buffy's gaze; she could see the nightmare in her friend's eyes.  Buffy paused, tightening her hold on Willow's hand and her own frayed sanity. 

"Right after Angel 'declared his honorable intentions'-" sarcasm edged Buffy's tight voice. "-I had another dream.  Vision!  Damn!"   Buffy dropped Willow's hand, running her fingers frantically through her hair, "I don't know what to call it anymore!" 

"Can you tell me about it?"  Willow asked, hoping to help unburden Buffy of some of the terrible things haunting her. 

Buffy exhaled heavily, glancing over at the kitchen clock.  "I'll tell you on the way to school, ok?"  Willow nodded in consent. 

"Giles will have an attack if we're not back soon," Buffy predicted, standing.  Willow followed suit.  "Giles wants us to stop by the library before we go to class,"  she added, displeasure underlining Giles name. 

"You sound mad at Giles?"  Willow speculated, picking up her school bag.  She unzipped a pouch to dump the uneaten apple into it for later.  Her stomach growled again in protest. 

"Giles and I got into a huge fight,"  Buffy elaborated heading for the front door. "He thinks I'm 'losing my focus' and 'neglecting my duty' again." 

"Giles can be unreasonable,"  Willow sympathized, following Buffy out the entryway. Willow locked the front door and the girls began walking towards Sunnydale High. 

"Well, I'm getting tired of it," Buffy exhaled, sounding irritated.  "Lately, though it seems like I'm at odds with everyone.  Especially Angel," she added, staring sadly at the ground. 

"Buffy, Angel understands about this morning,"  Willow tried to offer comfort.  "He won't hold a grudge about that.". 

"I almost staked him,"  Buffy mumbled beneath her breath.  "He's not ever going to forgive me." 

"Of course he will,"  Willow argued, feeling her stomach turning to lead.  "This morning everyone was just a little...tense!"  <I'm going to wind up playing matchmaker for them...> 

"It wasn't this morning,"  Buffy looked up, suddenly pale.  "It was Tuesday night after I danced with Xander.  I went on patrol--like I always do--and Angel followed me into the graveyard," her words rushed out, pushing together. 

"Oh,"  Willow felt her heart bottoming out.  "Th-at must have been after he took me home."  <He must have gone looking for Buffy as soon as he left my house.> 

"I'd been having those damn dreams all day long, and he walked up behind me,"  her words came out on a painful rasp.  "I didn't hear him speaking to me, Willow! I didn't!"  Buffy denied vehemently, her eyes filling with tears.  She looked sick with regret. 

Cold horror seized Willow suddenly, as Buffy's words finally sank home.  <Buffy almost staked Angel...> 

"It was just an accident, wasn't it?"  Willow pleaded desperately, wishing she could unhear Buffy's words.  "No one got hurt..." Willow trailed off as Buffy shook her head. 

"I nearly killed him," she said with finality.  "Luckily, my aim was off..."  Buffy's eyelashes fluttered over her unspent tears.  "Then--to top it off--I ripped into him," she continued.  "He scared me so bad, that I blew up at him.  I accused him of trying to kill me and of having deliberately let me die.  It was so unfair but."  Buffy trailed off. 

Willow tried frantically to think of something comforting to say.  Words failed her.  A quiet fell between them again as internal woes consumed Buffy again.  Willow strode beside her friend trying to sort through everything she'd just learned. 

They were on school property before she spoke again.  "Your dream?"  Willow suggested, hoping to refocus some of Buffy's attention into something more productive. 

"Huh?"  Buffy glanced over at her absently. 

"You were going to tell me about your vision,"  Willow reminded her.  "The one you had after Angel...sorta...almost...proposed,"  Willow blushed.  To her relief, Buffy did not seem to notice or care. 

"Oh, yeah, right." Buffy, organizing her thoughts.  "It was kinda a jumble--like a collage," she glanced at Willow to see if she understood.  Willow nodded encouragingly. 

"I saw...Giles die...a strange vampire with bleached blond hair...a burning bird..."  the words exhaled on a sigh.  Dread suffused Willow...<A burning bird...a Phoenix?> 

Buffy's eyes narrowed and her jaw clenched with hesitation.  "And?"  Willow prompted, seeing more unsaid in the Slayer's eyes.  They reached the double doors to the library. 

"And Angel's caught up in the center of it,"  Buffy continued reluctantly, drawing in an angry breath.  Willow began to reply, but Buffy's next words stopped her cold.  "And...I saw you-" the words emerged on a ragged hiss, "committing suicide." 

Buffy hit the door with angry force, sending it slamming open.  She turned catching it with her back, her expression holding empty despair as she looked into Willow's frightened eyes. 

"Oh, Thank-Goodness!" Giles exclaimed, charging out from behind the library counter.  His appearance bespoke extreme disrepair--yesterday's outfit, rumpled hair, bleary eyes.  Before either girl could respond, he burst out, "I've found the name of the vampire who is Willow's ancestor!" 

Buffy and Willow turned to face him, staring expectantly. 

"Well?!"  Buffy demand. 

"Angelus."