Distribution: TPWFLD; otherwise, please ask.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. No copyright infringement intended.
Background: Angel has lost his soul and is hellbent on destroying Buffy. After Ms. Calendar is murdered and Spike and Dru are killed, Buffy decides she can't handle facing Angelus....the killer with her lover's face. Despite Giles' pleas, she convinces her mother to move far away. As a result, Giles is recalled to England to answer to the Watchers' Council about the Slayer's abandonment. Cordelia returns to her group of "friends" and vows to forget about the Slayer and Slayerettes. Oz graduates and goes on the road with his band. And Xander decides to go and live with relatives in another state. All of them leave without a backward glance to the one they left behind......Willow.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Summer 1998
It was a night when
no human should be out alone. Of course, in Sunnydale, night isn't a time
to be out alone or otherwise, unless you wanted to come face to face with
the walking dead. Willow was more aware of this than anyone, but she didn't
care. She stood on the edge of the bridge looking down, unaware of the
rain or the cold wind, unaware of the shadow watching her. Angel stood in the
shadows watching the young woman. What was she thinking, being out alone?
She was easy pickings....maybe too easy. He knew the girl wasn't stupid,
so why was she standing outside in this weather? Something wasn't right. In some corner of
her consciousness, Willow heard Angel's approach. And in that instance
she knew she was going to die....and welcomed it. After all, it'd be easier
than jumping. She felt him standing behind her and felt him grab her around
the neck-and she did nothing.
"Aren't you going
to struggle? Maybe scream?"
Willow just stood
still and leaned her head to one side, exposing her neck to him. Angel was confused.
The girl wasn't fighting him; in fact, she'd barely acknowledged that he
was there. The only sign had been the tilt of her head, almost as if she
was presenting him her throat.
"What game are you
playing?"
Again, no response.
She wasn't giving him the satisfaction of her fear. Was she even afraid?
Angel got angry and spun her around to face him, making sure he had on
his 'game face'. He looked straight into her eyes and what he saw made
him step away. Willow fell to the ground. Instead of trying to flee, she
sat up against the railing.
Angel had looked
into her eyes and seen.....nothing. No spark of life, no light, no fear,
no nothing. He looked at her sitting there, staring at something he couldn't
see. He realized then that she wanted him to kill her. What the hell had
driven her to offer herself to death?
"Willow?"
No response. Still
she did nothing but stare straight ahead. No movement or sign that she'd
even heard him. He knelt down in front of her and tipped her face so that
she was looking directly at him. And he knew that if he could see his reflection
in a mirror, his eyes would be a mirror of hers. And at that moment he
knew he wouldn't kill her. "Go home to your nice little home and your little
friends. There's no point in killing you. The Slayer's gone and it wouldn't
accomplish anything. Count yourself lucky that I already ate."
Angel turned and
started to walk away but something stopped him. A movement out of the corner
of his eye. He turned, never expecting what he saw.
Willow had stood
up but wasn't going home. She walked over to the railing and was climbing
up.
"What's the matter
with you?"
Willow felt like
a rag doll in his arms, and he unconsciously tightened his hold on her.
"Answer me!"
But Willow didn't
hear him. She had retreated inside herself, trying to hide from the pain.
Angel knew he wouldn't
get a response from her. He set her down on the ground and began to leave,
but again something made him turn around. ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Once at Angel's apartment,
Angel put Willow into the shower; then dressed her in a dry t-shirt. He
tried not to think about what a nice body she had as he dried her off and
laid her on the bed. < What's the matter with me? Why am I playing nursemaid
to her? >
But sitting next
to her on the bed, all he knew was that there was something about her that
made him feel protective of her- an emotion he hadn't felt since the curse
was broken.
Angel pulled the
covers up to her shoulders. What she did next took him completely by surprise....she
gripped his hand in hers, brought it to her chest, and fell asleep. Angel
didn't move for several moments, then went to sit in the chair and decided
to try to get some sleep.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Several hours later,
Angel was startled awake by moaning. He turned toward the bed and saw Willow
thrashing about on the bed. Getting up, he walked over to the bed. Willow
was sound asleep but obviously in the midst of a nightmare. Reaching out
to brush a strand of hair from her face, he felt that her skin was ice
cold. Without even thinking about it, he crawled into bed and pulled her
into his arms. She burrowed against him and he tightened his hold on her
shivering body.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Willow woke up confused
and disoriented. The last thing she remembered was being on the bridge.
Angel. ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angel knew something
was wrong when he woke up. It took him a moment to realize that he was
in the bed alone. Willow looked into
Angel's eyes. "I'm not going to
hurt you."
He thought she wasn't
going to respond but when she did it was barely a whisper.
"What?" he questioned.
"You made a mistake."
"What mistake are
we talking about? I've made so many," he replied sarcastically.
"You let me live."
Angel was surprised.
< Damn, this was becoming a habit.>
"Why's that a mistake?"
"I want to die. If
you weren't going to kill me, then you should've left me to do it myself."
Looking into her
eyes, he knew that she meant every word she said. He had never had anyone
who wanted to die before. She was too young and full of life to want to
die. < Funny, I've never thought about that when I've killed before.
>
Again he asked, "Why?"
Willow looked at
Angel. He wasn't acting like the Angel she knew before, but he wasn't acting
like the killer that he was now either. And she realized that, for whatever
reason, she wasn't afraid of him.
"Why what?" she answered.
"Don't get smart.
Why do you want to die?"
"What do you care?
Why didn't you make this easy for both of us and just kill me?"
"You answer my question
and I'll answer yours."
Willow remained silent.
She knew, compared to what he'd lived through, her reasons would seem stupid.
But then, they were her reasons and they only had to matter to her. So
she told him about being deserted by her friends, ignored by her family,
and her feeling of utter loneliness. "I'm not strong like Buffy or Xander.
Since they left, my world's fallen apart and I want the pain to end."
"You're stronger
than both of them. Think about it. They ran away when things got tough;
but, even though you knew what could and probably would happen, you stayed.
That makes you stronger."
Willow just shook
her head and began crying.
"You asked me why
I didn't kill you, but I don't know if I can answer you. I was all prepared
to until I saw your eyes. They reminded me too much of myself. For reasons
I can't explain, I felt drawn to you and I couldn't allow anything to happen
to you. That's why I brought you here, to keep you from jumping."
"You picked a hell
of a time to try being a nice guy."
Angel roughly pulled
Willow into his arms.
"I'm the same guy
I was when I killed that teacher and tried to kill Buffy-certainly not
a nice guy. And you'll do well to remember that. I haven't changed back
into the wuss I was before that curse was broken. But for some reason,
I can't kill you."
"Damn you, why not!
No one else cares, why should you? They all left and made it clear that
this place....including me, would be just a memory. You don't care about
anyone, have no feelings, so why couldn't you just do what you're good
at!" Willow yelled at him while hitting him in the chest.
Angel grabbed Willow's
arms and pushed her to the floor, pinning her arms above her head and covering
her body with his.
"That's enough! You
know you can't fight me."
Willow stopped struggling
and turned toward the wall.
Angel moved one hand
to her face and turned it toward him, using his other hand to keep her
arms pinned. Gently, he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her.
"You need more rest.
And I need time to think."
Angel lifted Willow
into his arms and carried her back to bed. He crawled in behind her and
slid her back against him.
"Goodnight Princess."
Willow and Angel
laid in each other's arms, both confused about the events of the night.
Willow knew that she should be afraid of him. After all he'd killed Ms.
Calendar and tried to destroy Buffy. But of all the things she was feeling..none
of them was fear. And Angel was trying to figure out what was happening
to him. He didn't understand why he cared about what happened to the girl,
but he did. He knew that he would kill anyone who tried to take her away
from him. Whether he liked it or not, there was a bond between them. She
belonged to him now.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Angel woke up and
looked at the young woman sleeping in his arms. She had always been nice
to him- never throwing his past back at him. She made him feel like he
belonged with their group. That was one of the reasons, after the curse
was broken, he wanted to kill her. But now, looking at her, he saw a beautiful
woman. How could I not have noticed her? Willow woke to find
Angel watching her. They laid there staring into each other's eyes. Willow
finally buried her face into the pillow. "Why do you always do that?" he
asked.
Willow looked at
Angel in confusion.
"Do what?" she replied.
"Hide."
"It's what I'm good
at."
Angel leaned over
and brushed his lips over hers. Then turned the kiss into a passionate
embrace.
"No more hiding."
he admonished.
Angel got up and
started putting on his shirt. He turned and noticed Willow watching him.
"What is it, Princess?"
Willow blushed at
the nickname Angel seemed to have given her.
"You're confusing
me."
"Well, the feelings
mutual. But how have I confused you?"
"You're not acting
like the Angel I met two years ago, but you're not acting like Angelus
either. I know you're the same person who killed Ms. Calendar, but I'm
not afraid of you. You're the one who killed my fish and tried to destroy
Buffy; yet I feel safe with you. I don't understand it."
Angel walked over
to the bed and sat down next to her. Reaching for a strand of hair, he
began twirling it in his fingers.
"I'm Angelus. I haven't
changed. I still kill humans, and I still plan to destroy the Slayer. The
Angel you knew is dead and will stay dead, because I'm here to stay."
"Then why does it
matter to you if I kill myself," she argued. "Angelus would jump at the
chance to kill me, wouldn't he?"
Angel was not sure
how to answer her.
"Yes, he would. Let's
just say maybe, as far as you're concerned, I've picked up something from
the old Angel. You touch something in me that I didn't even know existed,
and I don't want to lose that. So I won't kill you, and I won't allow anyone
else to hurt you either."
"So, what happens
now?"
"I don't know, Princess.
I just don't know."
Angel pulled Willow
onto his lap and sat there just holding her. "You better get home
before your parents call the cops," he suggested. Angel noticed a shadow
cross Willow's face.
"They won't. Lately,
they've been having problems and don't even realize if I'm around or not.
Besides, they've been finding reasons to be gone alot. But, I should get
going. School starts next week and I suppose I should get ready. Senior
year is supposed to be the best time of my life, you know. What a joke!"
Willow got up and
went into the bathroom to get dressed. She was combing her hair when Angel
slipped his arms around her waist.
"This isn't over."
Willow nodded and
turned to kiss him before she left. She knew now, without a doubt, that
something had begun last night that would bind them forever. At the door,
Willow turned to Angel. No words were exchanged, none were needed. Then
the door closed and Angel was alone.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
The next two weeks
passed in a blur. Willow went back to school, but nothing was the same.
She no longer went to the library, and since Xander and Buffy were gone,
she spent her days alone. Every once in a while she'd spot Cordelia; but
she'd gone back to her 'in' crowd and wouldn't even acknowledge Willow.
The days were lonely, but thoughts of the nights got her through. Ever
since that night, she'd been spending the evenings with Angel. It had gotten
to the point where she was practically living with him.....not that her
parents even noticed. They were gone more often than not. Their relationship
was still a puzzle to both of them but neither wanted it to end. Angel
never told her what he did when he had to go out at night, and she never
asked-it was better that way. And when they were together, it was magic.
She'd never imagined that he could be such a gentle lover...her Angelus.
They had both agreed,
for different reasons, that in those intimate moments she wouldn't call
him Angel. He wanted to know that she wasn't confusing him with who he'd
once been, and she didn't want the memory of Buffy's relationship with
Angel to haunt them. Angel had become her life, in spite of what he did
when they were apart. She loved him. And he let her know that the feeling,
although a new one for him, was mutual.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Willow quietly entered
their apartment; she knew Angel would be sleeping and didn't want to wake
him. She couldn't face him....not yet. She set her bag down and sat to
watch him sleep. So caught up in her
thoughts, Willow didn't realize that Angel was awake and watching her.
He knew the minute he saw her face that something was wrong. < She's
afraid of something. If someone's hurt her, I'll kill them!>
"Princess?"
Willow raised her
eyes to her lover and began crying. He held out his hand to her and she
took it, joining him on the bed.
"What happened? You're
afraid of something," he reflected.
Willow just nodded.
< God, how I love him. How will I go on if I lose him now?" >
"Tell me. What are
you afraid of?" he asked again.
"Losing you," she
answered honestly.
"Where am I going?"
Angel noticed that
Willow was fumbling with the blanket. He took her hands in his and gripped
them.
"Willow, I can't
help you if you don't tell me what's happened."
Willow stood up and
walked over to wall and stood looking in the mirror. "I found something
today," she explained. "My first impulse was to destroy it, but I realized
that I couldn't make that decision. It had to be your choice."
Angel sat on the
edge of the bed staring at her. "My choice about
what?" he wanted to know.
"Whether you want
to regain your soul."
"What!?"
Willow walked over
to her bag and pulled something out. She handed it to Angel.
"A computer disk?"
Willow sat down in
the chair and told Angel that Principal Snyder had given her the disk.
It had been found over the summer and he put it aside for her.
"What's on it?"
"The Restoration
ritual."
Angel was stunned. "Ms. Calendar must've
saved it on the disk before you...before she died." Angel sat there stunned.
Then something Willow had said previously surfaced in his memory.
"You were going to
destroy it without telling me. Why?"
Willow swallowed
hard. "Because I knew if you decided to use the ritual, that I would lose
you. It would mean you....that Angel and Buffy could be together."
Angel didn't need
to think about it. That part of his life was over. He had no desire to
be reunited with the Slayer. He walked over to Willow and knelt in front
of her. Waiting until she was watching him, he smashed the disk into pieces.
Willow looked from
the smashed disk to Angel's face. With that gesture, he had closed all
doors to the past, just as she'd done when she moved her belongings into
Angel's apartment. Each was all that the other had. Angel pulled Willow
to him. The kiss was just the beginning. He picked her up and carried her
to bed. The choices had been made and they had chosen the same path. And
no one would seperate them. They wouldn't allow it.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Several months later,
Willow was sitting in the computer lab working on a project. Life at school
was still lonely for her, but having Angel to go home to made it bearable.
Willow was suddenly aware of someone behind her and spun around.
"Buffy? What are
you doing here?"
Buffy didn't answer,
she just stared at Willow. The Slayer had been feeling guilty about cutting
ties with Willow. She had called her home, but couldn't reach anyone. As
a last resort, Buffy had called Cordelia. She could still recall the conversation.
"She's what?!"
"You heard me. Willow's
living with Angelus."
"You've got to be
kidding. She wouldn't go near him. My God, he killed Ms. Calendar in cold
blood!"
"Look, I don't have
anything to do with Willow anymore, but I can tell you she's fine. He hasn't
changed her and he apparently treats her well."
"It sounds like you
approve. God, what's happened to you two?"
"Don't be so self-righteous,
Ms. Vampire Slayer! You and Xander high-tailed it out of here when things
got bad. Then Giles left too. Willow and I were left to fend for ourselves.
I threw myself back into my old life and Willow found a new one. Besides,
she's obviously good for Angelus. There have been no "unexplained" deaths
since she moved in with him, other then the occassional lowlife. So, just
go back to your new life and forget Sunnydale and forget us....you've done
it before."
"Buffy?"
Willow's voice brought
Buffy back to the present.
"Hello Willow."
"What are you doing
back?"
"Well, I tried to
call you and got no answer, so I called Cordelia, she had some interesting
information about you."
"What kind of information?"
Willow wanted to know.
"Information that
I don't want to believe. Tell me you're not involved with Angelus."
Willow stood up and
went to look out the window. It was just after sunset.
"It's true."
Buffy became angry.
"Damnit Will, how
could you? He's a monster."
"Don't call him that.
You don't know him like I do."
"Oh, please. Are
you forgetting the people he's killed and the other horrible things he's
done?"
"Of course not."
"I don't understand
you. What happened to Oz?"
"He went on tour
after he graduated and dumped me for some groupie. Funny, it was about
the same time I was abandoned by my best friends." "So you turned to Angelus
because you were lonely. God, get a dog!" "Just leave. You haven't been
around, don't you dare judge me. You were the "chosen" and you ran. So
don't lecture me."
Both girls were unaware
of the shadow listening to their conversation . Buffy questioned Willow,
"Do you love him?"
"Yes, more then life
itself."
"And obviously more
than your sense of right and wrong."
Before Willow could
respond, Angel entered.
"Hello Buffy."
Buffy turned to see
the new arrival. "Angel."
Angel walked over
to Willow.
"Problems?"
Willow just shook
her head.
Buffy turned on Angel,
"I don't know what you've done to her, but it won't last."
Angel glared at her,
"Listen carefully, Slayer. I'm only going to say this once. Leave Sunnydale
now and don't return. I'm giving you this chance to walk away."
"Why not kill me?
It's what you've threatened to do."
"Because killing
you would make Willow unhappy and I won't do that. But don't push my generosity.
Leave now or face the consequences," he warned.
Buffy turned to Willow.
"Willow, walk out
with me now. Can't you see him for what he is?" Lifting her chin high,
Willow countered, "I'm not leaving. I've made my choice. Do as Angel says.
Leave and don't come back here."
"I won't leave you
with him," Buffy vowed.
"Jealous?"
"Will, how can you
ask me that? The man I loved is dead, and he killed him. I won't leave
you here to be next!"
Willow shook her
head sadly, "Why not, you left me before and never looked back. You had
no way of knowing if Angel would come after me or not, but you still left
without a backward glance. Well, you've eased your conscience, so you can
go back to wherever you came from. I'm happy and healthy."
Angel ended the conversation,
"You have 24 hours to leave."
Buffy watched Willow
and Angel leave. Something about the way he held Willow brought back memories
for Buffy. Was it possible that Angelus actually cared for Willow? Buffy
turned and walked out of the school and headed away from Sunnydale, knowing
she'd never be back. ------------------------------------------------------------------------
Willow and Angel
walked back to their apartment.
"Thank you," she
murmured.
"For what, Princess?"
"Letting Buffy leave.
I know that wasn't easy for you."
"It wasn't as hard
as I thought it would be. Destroying the Slayer doesn't seem as important
to me now. Besides, when Buffy left Sunnydale, she turned her back on her
duties. She's a quitter, not really the Slayer anymore.
Angel stopped walking
and turned to look intently at Willow.
"Did you mean what
you said?"
"About what?"
"About loving me?"
"How long were you
standing there eavesdropping?"
"Long enough. Quit
stalling."
"I meant everything
I told her."
"Good."
They walked the rest
of the way in silence arms around each other. Just holding on to each other,
they knew they had overcome a major obstacle.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Lying in bed with
Willow, Angel thought back over the day's events. Seeing Buffy hadn't done
anything for him. He had thought there would be disappointment at not being
able to kill her. But ever since Willow had entered his life, his priorities
had changed. Maybe the old Angel had the right idea about love-he just
had the wrong woman in mind. Willow was everything he'd ever want. And
when the time came, he'd bring her across. Because he had no intention
of letting old age or death take his beloved princess away from him. Pulling
Willow into his arms, Angel finally allowed himself to sleep.
Willow knew the moment
Angel fell asleep. Looking at his relaxed face, she thanked whoever had
given her his love. She knew he had done horrible things and that he had
no conscience, but she also trusted his love. Besides, sometimes bad can
be good. Curling up in the protective circle of her lover's arms, Willow
drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
Both knew they would
have problems to face, but they also knew that they could overcome anything.
The power of their love had brought a touch of humanity to Angelus and
a new confidence to Willow. They would face the future together.....a future
full of love.
THE END