Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Characters don't belong to me. They belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. The song 'Between the Devil and Me' is by Alan Jackson. No copyright infringement intended.
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Angel sat in the darkened park, his thoughts tortured with the things he'd seen in hell. He'd been shown every evil he'd done in his life, and he'd felt the thrill and excitement that Angelus had felt. Angel had been shown how easy it would be to let himself slip back into that life again. How easy it would be if he didn't give a damn about anything or anyone, but himself. He had faced those who tormented him by showing him how Buffy had gone on without him, trying to show him that no one cared about him. Angel was tempted, it would be so much easier if his soul was gone. As time in hell moved by slowly, his resolve began to weaken. He was being offered the chance to return to Earth.....as Angelus. He could wreck havoc on the world, and not be bothered by a conscience. All the pain he carried with him would disappear when Angelus reemerged.
The gates of hell
swing open
wide invitin'
me to step inside
I'll be your
friend, he calls
again, I know
it's him
But, when he'd been at his weakest, her image had given him the strength to fight against the offer. Images of her death at Angelus' hands were enough to make him resist. She had been nothing but kind to him, offering him friendship despite who and what he was. He would never do something that would put her in danger. And whenever he was in the most pain, it was thoughts of her that got him through it. It was because of her that he survived. When he'd gotten out of hell, he knew he couldn't go back to the way things were before Angelus had come back. The relationship between him and Buffy could never work, and although he couldn't admit it to her, his heart no longer belonged to the Slayer. A slight, redheaded witch now laid claim to him.....mind, body, and soul. Even though he didn't tell her right away. Angel knew he needed time to sort out his life, before he invited Willow into it anymore then she already was. But, he knew that she was what had saved him. She was his salvation.
The flames are
spreadin' everywhere
But through the
smoke I see her there
She's all I see
between the devil
and me
It had taken him nearly a year to tell Willow about the things that had happened to him in hell, and about how his feelings for her had changed. She'd argued that he just felt gratitude, not love. He'd pulled her into his arms, kissing her passionately. And he erased any doubts she'd had about his feelings. The love they shared continued to grow, and Angel continued to try to make amends for the evil that had been done. Although still haunted by the things he'd experienced, he found happiness in Willow's arms. She soothed him, and made him whole.
I hold her in
my arms tonight
So safe and warm
I close my eyes
And a cool breeze
blows
'cross our bodies
in the dark
But while he slept peacefully with Willow in his arms, when he was alone the nightmares came to him. He saw himself being offered a conscience-free existence. He saw the advantages of not having his soul, to just live and not feel guilty about anything. In his sleep, Willow was his talisman against the evil desires. She gave him the will to fight against the desires. As long as she was with him, he would be able to fight the dark side of his being. Willow was everything that was light and innocent in his life. And he'd never do anything that would make him lose her.
Outside her reach
is my concern
Somewhere I know
a fire burns
And she's all
I see
between the devil
and me
In the solitary moments when Angel was alone, he worried about what would happen if he didn't have Willow. Would he be able to fight the impulses he had if she was no longer around? Would he just give up and let Angelus take over? Was he strong enough to deal with the guilt and self-loathing alone? Could he handle dealing with his demons without Willow's soothing touch? He didn't want to think about not having Willow in his life. She was his lifeline.
Angel shook off the feelings he had, and headed to Giles' house, where Willow would be waiting for him. He knew the forces of hell were waiting for him to slip up, and accept the offer they'd given him. Because despite the fact he was back on Earth, he knew there were still ways for them to get to him.....to get Angelus to return. And as Angel walked towards his love, he knew that she was the only thing standing between him and the forces of evil.
The End