Hidden Emotions

Author: heather

Parts: 11 - 20

!!!WARNING!!!  If you haven't seen Life of the Party, part 11 isn't going to make a whole lot of sense.  It also contains spoilers for that episode.

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~Part: 11~

Music thumped and pulsated in Willow's head as she pulled Angel away from greeting the latest arrivals to the much-anticipated Halloween Bash.  "Come on.  I wanna dance!"

Angel resisted the tug on his hand, "Willow, I don't dance."

"Sure ya do!  There's nothing to it.  Just press your body up against mine and move your hips."

Angel swallowed hard, dragging his eyes down his girlfriend's body, which was wrapped in a tight, black cocktail dress.  By the time his eyes made their way back to her face, his feet were already moving with her towards the dance floor, unable to resist her command.

The disco ball spun over their heads bathing them in intermittent flashes of red and blue lights.  Willow stood in front of Angel with her back to him and began to sway to the beat, brushing against him lightly.  When he just stood there, she reached back and took his hands, placing them on her hips with her own hands covering them. His arms now moved with the sway of her body, but he remained stock still.  Willow pressed herself back into him and put her hands on his hips, encouraging them to move in time with hers.

At last she felt him make his first hesitant movements against her. She bent her knees deeper as she moved back and forth, always keeping her back tight to his front.  He followed her movements and was soon into the rhythm, needing no further prodding to keep up. He slid his hands down her hips and back up her body, slowly, deliberately, in sync with the beat.

Willow raised her arms over her head and Angel slipped one arm around her waist pulling her tighter to him, while the other hand continued to stroke up and down her side.  She could feel that her close proximity had aroused him so she turned to face him, putting her arms around his neck and drawing his head down to her level. "I thought you didn't like to dance," she whispered in his ear.

"Well, I never danced with you before.  I think I might have to change my position on that."  He grinned at her and then gave her a light kiss on the mouth, putting his arms around her.  They were still moving rhythmically, though neither was aware of the music any longer.  Angel brushed back Willow's hair and placed soft kisses around her ear and down her neck while her fingers trailed up and down his back.

Eventually they realized that the song had ended and the new arrivals to the party were being announced.  They ceased their affections reluctantly, looking up to see who was coming in.  Angel recognized the newcomer as an important guest and excused himself from Willow, though she could see his turmoil in leaving her sight. She smiled happily at his retreating form and contented herself with dancing to the next song with Spike, who seemed to be in the rarest of good moods.

They danced with a euphoric energy, though without touching each other, of course.  Spike teased her gently about Angel and she laughed, blushing lightly.  After a few dances with the tireless ghost, they were approached by a stumbling Fred and Wesley who asked with slurred words and more than a few giggles, if they'd seen Lorne.  A moment later, Gunn joined them, followed by the sought- after green demon.

Willow listened with great interest as each described their strange behavior and attributed it to Lorne, Spike chiming in with his own suspicions about his new and improved attitude.  She agreed that they'd better find Angel and get it all straightened out.  The six of them headed towards his office, where he was last reported to be.  Entering the darkened room, Willow saw no one at first, but then heard a muffled sound from behind the couch.

"Angel, are you in here?" Fred called out.  In response, two heads appeared, looking out over the back of the couch at the six intruders.  Seeing Willow, Angel stood up quickly, grabbing a cushion off the couch to cover his nudity.

"Angel!  Wrong one, you ponce!" Spike yelled at him, even while he grinned uncontrollably.

"Oh, no!  Willow, it's got to be Lorne's spell.  I'm sure he didn't mean…" Gunn turned to comfort the redhead, only to find that she was already gone.

At the sight in Angel's office, Willow had frozen for the space of a heartbeat, disbelieving her own eyes until she saw her boyfriend rise naked from the floor where her enemy sat, still covered in the sweaty sheen of their activities.

As soon as he stood up, reality crashed down upon her and she fled the room, making her way blindly to her own office.  Reaching this sanctuary, she slammed and locked the door before throwing herself down on the loveseat and sobbing her heart out.

How could he do this to her!  She finally opened her heart, and he stomped on it.  She should have expected as much.  Isn't that why she had so readily accepted Tara?  Because she had learned that men couldn't be trusted?  It was her own fault for forgetting that lesson.  It was over for her and Angel.  She had waited so long and tried to be so careful to build their relationship safely and he had thrown all that out the window the second the opportunity presented itself.  How stupid she was!  Well, that was done.  She wouldn't make any more mistakes.

Getting up, she tried her best to wipe off her face and then went to the door, pressing her ear to it.  She couldn't tell if anyone was in the hall over the throb of the music, so she opened the door a crack and peeked out.  Empty space greeted her.  He hadn't even tried to come after her.  Her angry thoughts produced another sob, which she choked back with considerable effort.  Slipping from her office, Willow made her way to the elevator without being seen.

Up in the penthouse she threw together an overnight bag and took a taxi to the nearest motel where she checked in under a phony name. She would go back for the rest of her things in a few days when she had found an apartment.  She was sure finding one would be much easier without Angel around.  Everything would be much easier without Angel around, she told herself.  Now if only she believed that.

~Part: 12~

Saturday dawned bright and cool, the unusual amount of sun in the room waking Willow from a deep sleep.  Her first thought was a sudden panic that she hadn't closed the curtains.  What if Angel came in?  He could get hurt!

Attempting to swing her legs off the side of the bed, Willow encountered yet more bed.  That's when she remembered where she was.  This was a motel room with a king sized bed, wide open windows, and no chance that her boyfriend, no, make that ex- boyfriend, was going to come in and get himself singed.

An unbidden idea entered her mind that maybe a little scorching would be well deserved, but she quickly pushed it aside.  She refused to succumb to bitterness and despair.  That road led to places she didn't want to go.  She knew she could get over it. After all, she had lots of practice mending her heart, thanks to its tendency to get broken.  Repeatedly.  No, she would not sit around and feel sorry for herself.  She would be action girl.  The first action would be to move into her own place.  She needed to put some space between herself and Angel.  That way, she would be less likely to kill him.

After a shower and the world's worst cup of coffee from one of those little machines they have in all the motel rooms, Willow was feeling more herself.  Today would be the day she reclaimed her independence.

So thinking, she pawed through her bag only to realize she'd left her contact list of apartment managers at the office.  She had stuffed them in a drawer after Angel had convinced her to stay with him and hadn't been thinking clearly enough the night before to grab them on her way out.

Resigning herself to a trip into work on a Saturday, Willow headed out, stopping at the front desk to extend her reservation for a few more nights.  She didn't want to stay in the motel any longer than necessary, but she knew that moving took time.

The offices of Wolfram & Hart were eerily quiet and deserted. Willow recalled that several of their high powered attorneys often worked on weekends.  The Halloween party must've turned out to be quite the event if everyone was still home recovering.  Willow noticed a few bizarre stains on the walls and some missing pieces of furniture, which served to reinforce her theory that she had definitely left before the party really got started.

Shaking her head, she made her way up to her office and located her list.  Looking it over, she remembered the nice little first floor apartment she'd toured.  There wasn't much chance it was still available, but it couldn't hurt to try.  She dialed the number for the woman who had  patiently shown her around the apartment so long ago.  As she feared, it was already rented.  However, there was a similar apartment on the next street over that was available, would Willow be interested in a showing?  She certainly would and yes 1 pm was great for her.

Pleased with her progress, Willow decided to treat herself to brunch.  She had a couple of hours to kill and her stomach was painfully reminding her that one awful cup of coffee did not a decent meal make.

On her way back to the elevator, she passed Angel's office and paused in front of the door, assaulted by the painful memories of the previous evening.  Unsure of what she was doing, she found herself opening the door and going through into the room where her life had come apart.  Her feet drifted her over to the couch where a cushion still sat askew and the rug still bore a dent from where the leg of the couch had been shifted from its usual location.

She walked around behind the sofa, mindlessly straightening the cushion as she went.  Looking down at the spot where Angel had stood, naked and guilty, Willow was overcome by her heartache and sank to the floor.

She kneeled there, hands splayed in front of her, squeezing back the tears that threatened and trying to get a grip on herself.  That's when she saw it.  There on the pale carpet, lay a dark hair, swirled carelessly next to the leg of the couch.  She reached for it, tweezing it between two fingers, and held it up to the light.  It was too long to be Angel's.

Unwelcome images slammed through her mind.  Eve laying naked on her back, legs spread.  Angel kneeling between those legs, pounding into her, maybe grabbing at her breasts, maybe running his hands through her hair.  Eve.  Laying here.  Hair.  Eve's hair.  Human hair.  Or not?  Now she would know for sure.

Hurrying back to her office, Willow found an envelope and tucked the hair inside.  She sealed it and wrote "Demon DNA" on the outside. On Monday she would go to Fred and say it was a sample of hair from a demon she had fought over the weekend.  Yes, a female demon she couldn't identify and wasn't able to kill.  If Fred could just have her people do a DNA test, she would know what she was dealing with and could research how to dispose of it.

Willow smiled.  She was feeling better now.  Soon she would be able to prove all of her suspicions about Eve and then wouldn't Angel feel foolish for trusting her, much less sleeping with her.  But that wasn't why she wanted to know, she told herself.  Of course she was still just trying to save herself and her friends from whatever evil plots Eve had in store for them.  If in the process Angel realized how stupid he'd been and begged for her forgiveness, well, that would just be a little icing on the cake.  Not that she would forgive him.  Nope, she was not into that whole forgive and forget thing.  She was more of the belief that those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it.

After a lovely brunch at a local café, Willow was in excellent spirits when she met with the apartment manager.  These spirits were only slightly dampened when the woman, who remembered her perfectly, inquired about her handsome friend.  Seeing that she'd nearly lost a sale, that subject was quickly dropped and the conversation turned to all the fine features of the new apartment.

Willow felt right at home in the roomy one bedroom unit.  It had everything she wanted, including a full sized refrigerator and a huge mirror in the bathroom.  She had a momentary twinge looking in the mirror and thinking of the one Angel had bought just for her, but she pushed it away and moved on into the living room which was fully furnished with a decent couch and a small TV.  There were no curtains in the place, only mini-blinds, which did a poor job of keeping out the sunlight, but Willow supposed that wasn't much of a concern anymore.  There were hardwood floors throughout, reminding her of how Angel preferred carpeting since it muffled the noises his sensitive ears would otherwise pick up.

Her decision made, Willow signed a three month lease and was told she could move in the following weekend.  Perfect.  That would give her time to get her things out of the penthouse and check out her new neighborhood.  Giving the apartment one last glance, she shook hands with her new landlady.  She would be on her own now.  She would depend on no one.  Willow, the single white female.  Great.

~Part: 13~

As planned, Willow sought out Fred first thing Monday morning.  “Willow, what are you doing here?” Fred asked.

She was answered with a puzzled look.  “I work here, remember?”

“Oh, of course.  I just thought that, you know, after Friday… you might…”

“What?  Did you think I was gonna just quit my job because my boss is an idiot?  Please, if everyone did that the unemployment rate in this country would be like 90%!”

Fred continued to look uncertain and Willow sighed.  “Look Fred, this job is really all I have going for me right now.  I’m good at it, and I like it.  I’m not going to let Angel ruin that for me too.”  She noticed how her voice was beginning to rise and quickly calmed herself by changing the subject.

“Anyway, the reason I’m here, in the lab, is because I need you have some tests run on this demon hair.  I don’t know what species it is and it got away from me before I could kill it.  Do you think you can help me identify it?”  She handed Fred the envelope.

Slitting it open, Fred held the hair up to the light, much as Willow had done two days before.  “Wow, it almost looks human.”

“Yeah, it was one of those pretty demons that you can never get the men to kill.”  Willow tried desperately to keep the irony out of her voice and barely succeeded.

“Okay, I’ll send it to the bio lab.  You should have the results by the end of the day.  I’ll call up to your office when they’re ready.”

“Great, thanks Fred.  You’re the best.”  She turned to leave, but stopped when the other woman spoke to her again.

“Willow, I just wanted to say, I’m sorry about you and Angel.  I hope you work it out.  I know he didn’t mean to hurt you, but I can’t blame you for being mad.”

Willow considered pouring her heart out right then and there, but changed her mind and only smiled before leaving the scientist to her work.  She hoped she was doing the right thing by not telling Fred it was Eve’s hair.  The results of the tests would undoubtedly influence her reaction when she eventually learned the truth.  Willow was torn between hoping that Spike was crazy and Eve was just an ordinary human with no evil intentions towards her friends, and the desire to be vindicated in her suspicions.

As the elevator doors closed behind her, Willow realized that when they opened she would be right in front of Angel’s office.  Though she had imagined their confrontation a million different ways, she realized she hadn’t even considered what she would do if she ran into Eve.  The tension that built inside her as the elevator hummed along was immediately dispersed when the doors opened onto an empty hallway.  The door to Angel’s office was closed and Harmony’s desk was vacant, as usual.

Letting the relief wash over her, Willow made haste down the hall to her office, where she locked the door behind her and then leaned against it, letting out the breath she’d been holding.  That’s when she saw her visitor, standing in front of her desk, arms crossed, foot tapping impatiently, but making no sound.

“Spike, what do you want?” She asked, wearily.  She was in no mood to explain herself to the ghost.

“I want to know where you’ve been for the last 3 days!  You don’t call, you don’t come home, what were you thinking!”

Willow couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped at Spike’s apparent concern for her well-being.  Realizing how odd it was that he was the only one she was ever completely honest with, she told him all about the motel, the apartment, and the hair.  He was visibly upset at the prospect of her moving out.

“You can’t do that to him!  He’ll brood about this for 100 years and I don’t think I can put up with that again!  You don’t think he actually wanted to sleep with that little slut, do you?”

“Why wouldn’t he want to?  She was there, she was willing, he’s a man.  I know how it works.”

“No, you don’t know a damn thing!  Did you know about Lorne having his sleep removed?”

Willow had to admit that she did not.

“Apparently sleep deprived empaths get lots more than empathic.  Did you know that everyone did everything he said to them that night?  Yeah, that’s right, even me with my jolly good mood.  That was all him.  Nobody was in their right mind until that big monster Lorne was gone.”

“Big monster Lorne?”  Willow was beginning to see that she’d missed more than a wild party.  Spike filled her in on everything from the rampage caused by the manifestation of Lorne’s subconscious, right up to when they put Lorne to bed and realized Willow was gone.

“He went looking for you right away, wanted to explain what happened.  Hell, everyone was looking for you, until we figured you went home.  But you weren’t there either.  I’ve never seen a vampire beat his own head against the wall before, but that’s just what he did.  I think he was trying to knock himself out.  I woulda helped him with that myself, but, you know.”  He tried to punch a chair and his arm passed through the other side.

“Aww, poor baby, feels bad that he got caught.  Why am I not feeling the sympathy here?”

“Well, yeah, of course he feels bad that you saw him like that, but you’re still missing the point.  He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time.  Lorne felt some sexual tension, said to get a room.  So, that’s what they did.  Not Angel’s fault at all really, much as I hate to say that.”

“Spike, you’re really not helping his case here.  You’re just told me that he was sexually tense when Lorne saw him with her.  Doesn’t that just go to show that he wanted to fuck her anyway?”

Spike flinched at her choice of words, not used to seeing the witch quite so angry.  “No, love.  He wanted to fuck YOU, to use your colorful expression,” he told her calmly.  “I saw how you were all over each other during that disco number.  Next thing you know, Mr. Sexually Repressed is trying to have a business conversation and not think about your hot, tight, little body, Lorne walks by, makes some offhand remark, and there you have it!”

Willow sat behind her desk and gestured for Spike to make himself comfortable.  He chose to remain standing.  “So, that’s what Angel told you, huh?  That it was really all about me?  That it was my fault for getting him all worked up, so he just had to go ahead and do what Lorne told him?  Isn’t that nice?  How is it that men do that?  No matter how low they go, they always manage to turn it around and act like it’s not their fault!  Unbelievable!  Spike, get out of my office.  I don’t want to hear anymore of this bullshit!”

He turned to go and then paused when he reached the door.  “So you’ll let me know about this business with the hair then?”

“GO!”  He went.

Willow put her head down on her desk for a minute, trying not to think about the things that Spike had told her.  She was unable to help herself though, something about what he’d said seemed important.  Then it hit her.  Wolfram & Hart had removed Lorne’s sleep!  They had messed with his head and something bad had happened.  Wasn’t everyone always wondering when Gunn would experience negative effects too?  That’s what she needed to research to find out what they were planning for her.  She’d mistakenly categorized herself with the magic users and reading about them had told her nothing.  What she should have been reading were the files on everyone who’d received some sort of enhancement.  That information wasn’t even encrypted, it was available to all employees.  How silly of her not to have thought of it before!

Quickly logging on to the system, she figured she might as well start with the most recent case she knew.  She brought up the file on Lorne’s sleep removal and scrolled through pages of technical documentation on the brain of the Pylean.  She had just reached the “known side-effects” section of the file, when she was startled by a knock on her door.  Calling out an invitation, it occurred to her that the door was locked and that was a good thing.  What if it was Angel or Eve?  She really didn’t want to deal with that just yet.  Especially not when she was in research mode.  Still, she got up and went to the door.

“Who is it?” She asked.

“It’s me, sweet cakes.  It’s Lorne.”

In spite of Spike’s insistence that she should blame Lorne for Angel’s activities, she didn’t.  She unlocked the door and smiled at the green face peering at her uncertainly.

“It’s okay,” she assured him.  “Come in.”

She locked the door behind him and invited him to sit down.  As soon as he did he began, “Willow, dear girl, sweet friend, I’m here to beg your forgiveness.  Oh, I can’t even tell you how sorry I am.  I’ve ruined everything!”

“Lorne, stop.  I don’t blame you.  How could this be your fault?  He’s a guy, she’s a girl, these things happen.  I know your other self got a little out of hand, but everyone is safe now.  Why are you still beating yourself up over this?”

“No, you don’t understand!  You’re the best thing that ever happened to the big guy and it’ll kill him to lose you and that will all be because of me.  He wasn’t even thinking about Eve when I saw him.  I made such a stupid little comment, I never dreamed of the consequences.”

“What makes you think he wasn’t thinking about Eve when you were getting all those sex vibes?”

“He wasn’t even looking at her!  He was watching you, dancing with Spike.  I don’t even think he could hear what she was saying to him.  Unfortunately, he heard me and so did she.  Of course I meant you and Angel should get a room, but since you weren’t close enough to be affected…”

“And they were.  Uh huh.  Did Angel put you up to this?”

“What?  No, of course not!  That’s what happened!  He doesn’t want anyone but you.  I could see it when he sang for me.  Eve wasn’t in there anywhere.  It was all about you, sugar plum.  I swear it.”

Willow wanted to believe him.  She really did.  Lorne had nothing to gain by lying to her.  Still, the image of them naked behind that couch was burned into her eyelids and she didn’t know if it would ever fade.  She began to cry.  Nothing in her life had ever been easy, especially when it came to love.  When she realized she was in love with Angel she thought all that had changed.  It seemed like the easiest, most natural thing in the world.  And now it was turning out like everything else.  Complicated.  Hard.  Painful.

 Lorne got up and walked around behind Willow’s desk, snatching up a tissue and handing it to her.  As she blew her nose, he rubbed her shoulders, making soothing noises and shaking his head sympathetically.  “Where is he now?” She wanted to know.

“I don’t know.  No one has seen him all day.  I know that on Friday he told Eve not to come up here for awhile.  I imagine you weren’t looking forward to seeing her.”

Willow sniffled a little and nodded.  “That’s true.  I’m not sure what would happen, but I don’t think she would like it.”

Lorne chuckled and stood up to leave.  “Please think about what I said, Willow.  I couldn’t stand it if the two of you were miserable forever because of me.”

She thanked him and he left her to her sobbing.

Angel did not appear at his office all day.  Willow felt a strange gratitude that she could put off seeing him a bit longer.  She immersed herself in her research of the enhanced employees at Wolfram & Hart.  She began to notice a disturbing trend among the humans whose brains had been tampered with.  Although their ages varied widely at the time of the enhancements, most of them had “retired” within two years.  She wrote down some names and social security numbers, meaning to cross reference with the state system and see if any of them were receiving Medicare or residing in nearby hospitals.

The phone rang, startling her out of her deductions.  She said a terse hello, hoping to get across to the other party that she was in the middle of something.

“Willow?  It’s Fred.  I have the results of the tests on that hair.  I think you might want to come down here.  You’re not going to believe this.  I know I don’t.”

~Part: 14~

Bursting into the lab, Willow demanded, “What did they find?”

Fred handed her several pages of computer printouts and began pointing to the relevant data.  “See this column here?  It’s supposed to list the chromosomes of the specimen.”

“There’s nothing here,” Willow observed.

“That’s because there aren’t any.  This thing that you fought, it doesn’t exist.  It’s not alive.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Willow frowned and then had a revelation. “Oh!  Could it have been a robot?”

Fred shook her head.  “The hair was made of organic material, like a real hair.  If it was from a robot, it would be synthetic fibers.  Whatever it is, it’s trying to pass for a living creature.”

“Well, it seemed pretty convincing to me.  What does this mean, Fred?”

“I really don’t know.  It would help if I knew a little more about it.  Anything else at all.”

Willow took a deep breath and decided to tell the truth.

“Would it help if I told you it was Eve’s hair?”

“What?  Eve?  I don’t understand.  You fought Eve?”

Willow explained everything.  She told Fred how Spike had discovered that Eve wasn’t what she seemed, and how she found the hair.  When she was done, she stood quietly with her head down, expecting a lecture.

“Wow, Willow.  I wish you had told me.  I don’t know what to say.  I believe you of course, this is all just so strange.  So, Eve is just some sort of… illusion, not a person at all.  We have to find out why she’s here and what she wants.”

Willow looked up in surprise.  “You mean, you’ll help me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?  This affects us all.  She’s fooled everyone with this elaborate persona.  Nobody who does that ever has good intentions.  The most important thing is to find out who sent her here.  Since she doesn’t even really exist, I doubt she’s acting on her own motives.”

“I think we can safely assume that she really is working for the senior partners.”  Willow described to Fred how Eve had approached her about enhancing her magic.

“That could explain a lot.  Creating such an elaborate illusion of life would take tremendous power.  We know how powerful the senior partners are, but it would get draining to keep it up, even for them.  If we assume that it’s in their best interest to conserve this energy, that would explain what Spike experienced when Eve was sleeping.  She only has to be human enough to convince whoever she’s around.  When she’s at work, she has to have a heartbeat to fool the vampires.  At home she only needs the most basic human form to be able to respond to whatever situation might arise.  I suppose a digestive system would have been too much work.”

Willow looked at Fred in awe.  Everything she said made perfect sense, given the evidence.  She couldn’t help being a little jealous that Fred had figured out in one day what she’d been working on for months.  “So in a way, she actually IS the senior partners, or at least, she’s controlled by their consciousness?” Willow asked.

“Exactly.  She’s just a mental projection of their will, the perfect vehicle for carrying out their plans.”

“Which are what?”

“That remains to be seen.  We better tell Angel about this.  He needs to know what he’s dealing with.”

“No!” Willow objected immediately.

“It’s ok, I’ll tell him.  You don’t have to talk to him.”

“No, it’s not that.  I just don’t think it’s a good idea.  What if they find out that we know and just decide to kill us all?  Why would they keep us around once they realize we’re on to them and they can’t manipulate us?”

“Yeah, that would be bad.  Angel ought to realize that though.  We could keep playing the game at least until we find out the rules.  I just think he’d be better equipped to win if he knew more about the opponent.”

“Maybe you’re right.  I don’t know.  I just feel like if anything bad happens I’m gonna feel like it’s all my fault because I’m the one who couldn’t accept her and had to go snooping around.”

“Well he’s your boyfriend, sort of, and you’re the one who really uncovered this information about Eve, so I’ll leave it up to you.”

“Ok, thanks Fred.  I’ll sleep on it and let you know in the morning.”

~~

Willow took the elevator to the penthouse to pick up some more clothes for the week.  On the way up it occurred to her that Angel might be there and she still hadn’t seen him since the party.  She began to wonder if he was avoiding her.  Why else wouldn’t he show up for work?  He wasn’t the kind to suddenly become a slacker.

The doors opened to reveal a dark and silent apartment.  Relieved, Willow looked through her room and realized she’d better start packing if she wanted to be ready to move in a few days.  It amazed her how much stuff she had accumulated in such a short time.  She had soon filled the few suitcases brought from Europe and still there were drawers full of clothes and her closet was not completely empty.

Leaving a bag open for items she would need for the days before the move, she searched through the bathroom for a misplaced hairbrush.  Turning away from the sink, Willow noticed a dry-cleaning bag containing two of her suits hanging from the back of the bathroom door.  The receipt stuck to the hanger was stamped with the date November 1st, the day after the party.  She removed the clothes from the door and stared at them as if she’d never seen a bag of dry-cleaning before in her life.  After sleeping with her least favorite fake person, Angel had gone to the drycleaner and picked up her suits as if nothing had changed.  As if he fully expected her to come home and find them in their spot.  Could he really be that oblivious?  Where was he anyway?

As if in answer to her question, she heard a key in the front door.  Willow quickly closed the door to the bathroom and stayed perfectly still, knowing it made no difference and that Angel would hear her heartbeat and smell her presence the second he entered.  She heard him close the door and walk in her direction, whispering softly words that she couldn’t make out.  She frowned and strained her ears to hear what he was saying, but there was no answering whisper, no other set of footsteps coming through the apartment.  Who was he talking to?  At last she heard him enter his bedroom and close the door.

Seeing her chance, Willow darted from the bathroom to her own former bedroom, taking the dry-cleaning with her.  Throwing the last of the necessities into her overnight bag, she slung it over her shoulder and hurried out, suddenly wanting to put off the moment of confrontation a little longer.

Fate was not on her side however, and as she attempted to sneak from her room, there was Angel standing before her in the hall, looking uncertain, but blocking her exit.  “I have to go now,” she told him and attempted to brush past.

He took her gently by the shoulders, holding her in place.  She shrank away from him, retreating backwards and fixed him with a defiant glare.  How dare he attempt to detain her!  “Willow, please don’t go.  We need to talk.”

“We don’t need to talk and I need to go.  Please, just let me go if you care one bit about me.”  Her voice thickened as the words passed over the lump growing in her throat.

“I care a lot more than one bit about you.  You’re more important to me than anything, which is why I’m asking you not to go.  Not yet.  Just give me 5 minutes, Willow.  Please.”

Looking into the dark, pleading eyes of the man she thought she loved, Willow’s heart was softened the tiniest bit.  She put her bag down on the floor and crossed her arms over her chest as if to protect herself from what he had to say.  He reached for her elbow to guide her, but she flinched away so he settled for gesturing that they should have a seat in the living room.  She followed him and sat as far away as she could, arms still firmly crossed.

“What you saw, I just wanted you to know, it wasn’t anything I ever wanted to happen.  I never, ever would have hurt you like that if I’d had even one ounce of my free will.  It was a horrible misunderstanding, and that, combined with some powerful psychological suggestions, well, that makes a pretty big mess.”

Willow just continued to glare at him, unmoved.

“I love you, Willow.  Only you.  You’re the only one I want.  I’m sorry I hurt you.  I would do anything to make it up to you, and I don’t know what else to say.”

“Did you like it?” She asked, her face pale and expressionless.

“Like it?  What?  Willow, no.  I barely even remember it.  The whole night was like a weird dream, it doesn’t seem real at all now.  The only way we know that it really happened is because, well, there was a lot of stuff broken, and you.  You weren’t under Lorne’s spell and you obviously remember it, so it had to be real.”

“It looked like you liked it.”  A tear coursed down one pale cheek and the other green eye gleamed with a tear of its own that threatened to spill over her lower lid.

In a motion so swift no human could have followed it, Angel procured a tissue from somewhere and knelt before Willow, reaching up to her cheek and blotting at the tear.  She took the tissue from him and finished wiping her eyes herself with harsh swipes that left her skin reddened.  Angel stood up and gazed down at her hunched over form, trailing a soothing hand down her back as the occasional sob hitched at her breath.

“Willow, I’m so sorry.  You don’t know how sorry I am.”

“I know,” she replied.  “I do.  It still hurts, though.”  She began to get her emotions under control and was sitting upright again.  Angel returned to his seat and looked at her with a longing that made her wonder who was really in more pain.  Suddenly, there was a small thunk from Angel’s bedroom.  His eyes widened and shifted back and forth.  Willow frowned in renewed suspicion as she recalled how she thought she’d heard him talking earlier.

“Oh!  I almost forgot!” He exclaimed, jumping to his feet.  “I got you something.  It took me 3 days, but I found it and I really, really hope you like it.  It was so hard to find and, well, I think you’ll be happy.”  With no further explanation, he hurried off to his room leaving Willow thoroughly perplexed.  She wondered what he had bought her that he thought could possibly make up for betraying her, since certainly that’s what this was, a makeup gift.   How much had he spent to make her forget what he’d done?  What was the standard sorry-I-screwed-your-worst-enemy gift?  A diamond necklace?  Keys to a new Lexus?  Tickets for two to Tahiti?  No, maybe with a regular guy, but a vampire in Tahiti wouldn’t be very much fun.

Her musings were soon put to rest when Angel emerged from the room, concealing something in his hands, which he then deposited in her lap.  Looking up at her with huge yellow eyes and mewling softly was a tiny black and white kitten.  Grinning widely, she picked it up and held it under her chin, closing her eyes as it purred blissfully and rubbed its silky soft head against her neck.  It couldn’t have been more than 3 months old.  Holding it up again, she determined that it was a girl kitty and possibly the cutest kitten in the entire world.

Catching Angel’s glance, Willow’s grin faltered and she was confused.  This was a kitten, not diamonds or luxury cars.  Why a kitten and how had it taken him days to find one when the shelters in the city were full of them?  Seeming to guess her thoughts, he said, “That’s not just any kitten.  That is the daughter of a certain Miss Kitty Fantastico.”  He looked very pleased with himself following this announcement.  “I wanted to find the original of course, and I did, but she seemed happy there with those kids.  I didn’t think you would want her life disrupted again.  She had some kittens and the family was trying to find homes for them, so I thought you’d like one.”

Amazement filled Willow, looking back and forth between the kitten and the vampire.  Could it be true?  Was the beloved cat she’d shared with Tara really alive and well?  And a mom?  “How did you do this?” Was all she could think to ask.

“Like I said it took a while.  Lots of phone calls and questions, a few bribes, some beatings…” he stopped at the look of horror on her face.  “I’m kidding!  I’m kidding!  No bribes or beatings.  I used a few connections to get the numbers of everyone who used to live in Sunnydale who had registered a cat under 4 years old.  After that it was just a matter of going through one by one until I found someone with the right kind of cat who’d found her around the right time in the right place.”

“You did all of that to find my cat?”  Willow was still stunned.

“Well, yeah, I had to do something for you.  I knew that just buying some big expensive gift wouldn’t impress you.  It had to be something meaningful, and I knew that cat meant a lot to you.  I would’ve stolen her if I thought it would make you happy.”

“No, I’m glad you didn’t.  I’m just happy to know she’s ok.  And to have this,” she patted the kitten who had curled up to sleep in her lap, “This is wonderful, to have a little part of her.  Thank you so much.”  Though her words were sincere, she did not reach to give him a hug.  “I’ll have to check my lease and make sure they allow cats.”

Now it was Angel’s turn to look confused.  “Lease?”  For the first time, he glanced towards her room and noticed the suitcases sitting in the middle of the floor.  “You’re moving out!”

Her happiness at receiving the kitten quickly fading, Willow snapped, “Of course, what did you think?  That I would stay here with you, after what you did?”

“No.  Well, yeah.  I don’t know, I guess I thought you’d stay away at first.  But to move out entirely, no.  I didn’t think about anything that permanent.”

“Well, it is.  I can’t stay here.  I need to be away from you for awhile.  A long while.  Thank you for the kitten, it was very thoughtful and I… I love her, but that doesn’t change what’s happened between us.”

Angel bent over and buried his head in his hands with his elbows on his knees.  Willow wondered if he was going to cry.  She’d only ever seen one vampire cry and that was Spike crying when Drusilla had left him, and again when Buffy had died.  She didn’t think that telling Angel that he was acting like Love’s self-proclaimed Bitch would be a very good idea so she only stood up to get her bag, cradling the kitten in one arm.  “I can’t take her with me to the motel; she might get out by accident.  I’ll take her this weekend when I move.”

“So that’s it then.  It’s really over between us.  Forever, before we even really got started?”

“Is that what you want?” Willow asked him.

“No, of course not!”

“Well, that’s not what I want either.  But if you want there to be any chance for us, you need to give me this time away.  Time to heal and to try – try to forget what I saw.  That’s the hardest part.”  She shuddered and walked away from him, heading down the hall to pick up her bag.  Going into Angel’s room, she deposited the kitten on the bed and saw that he had set up a bowl of food and a litter pan for it.  Turning to go, it immediately jumped down and ran to her, purring and rubbing against her ankle.  She smiled and kept walking, watching as it ran ahead into the living room and jumped up on the back of a chair to get her attention.

“Willow?”  She turned to face him, expecting more begging for her to stay.

“I’ll give you what you want.  I’d give you anything, you know that.  I’ll be here when you’re ready.  And I’ll take care of Luna until you come back for her.”

“Luna?”

“The kitten.  That’s what I named her, but you can change it if you want.”

Willow smiled, “No, it’s perfect.  I’ll see you at the office tomorrow.  You’re coming in, right?”

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”

With one last goodbye pet for Luna, Willow left the vampire to his brooding.

~Part: 15~

The week passed quickly and before she knew it, Willow was unpacking her things in the new apartment.  Wesley and Fred had helped her move and offered to stay and help her get organized, but she politely declined.  She wanted some time to get used to the place and being on her own.  Angel wasn’t home when they’d taken the last of the suitcases down in the elevator and Willow was glad for it.  She didn’t want any awkward goodbyes.

There had been plenty of awkward moments at the office with the two of them trying to ignore their feelings and act like they were just coworkers, and everyone else trying to ignore the sideways glances of longing they kept giving each other.  Upon entering her office on Tuesday, Willow had found a dozen yellow roses in a crystal vase on her desk with a small card reading, “Just making sure we’re still friends.  Yours Always, Angel.”  This small gesture had made her smile but she hadn’t mentioned the flowers, hoping to discourage future displays of affection.

The next day, she had come in to find a package waiting in her inbox.  It was just a rectangular cardboard box with her business address printed on the front and the name of a mail order company on the back.  Clearly, it was a gift from her rejected lover. This was too much.  Without even opening it, she marched into Angel’s office and handed it to him.  “Stop it,” she demanded.

He looked at the package and back at her, “What?  What is this?”

“Don’t play all innocent vampire, you tell me.  You put it in my office.  I want you to stop buying me things.  It’s just making me feel guilty and I’m not the one who’s supposed to be feeling guilty here.”

“Willow, I swear, I don’t know what this is.  You do have other friends, maybe one of them sent you something.  You could actually open it and find out.”

Not appreciating his tone, Willow ripped open the package, intent on proving him a liar.  A few seconds later she found herself holding two Barry Manilow CDs and feeling very sheepish.  She laid them down on his desk, not meeting his gaze.  “These are for you.”

He picked up his gifts, turning them over, examining the play list for each.  When he looked up he asked, “Who are these from?”  The expression on his face told Willow that he knew perfectly well who they were from and was just enjoying watching her squirm.

“They’re from me,” she told him quietly.  “I ordered them before – well, you know.  Before.  They were on backorder.  I guess I forgot.”

Angel leaned back in his big leather chair and regarded her with the wide-eyed look of a child who’s just caught a parent breaking one of their own rules.  “So, let’s see now.  It’s ok for you to buy things for me, but I’m not allowed to buy things for you?  That just doesn’t seem fair, Willow.  You don’t seem like the type to advocate such a double standard.”

Flustered and not in the mood to argue she said, “Fine!  Buy me all the stuff you want!  See if I care!  Just don’t think you can buy my trust or my love.”  She had stormed from the office and avoided Angel for the rest of the day.

The memory of her behavior that day made her flush slightly now as she looked at the card in her hands from Thursday’s bouquet of pale pink flowers.  It read, “Money can’t buy happiness, trust, or love, but it can buy these roses.  If they make you smile just one time, then they were worth every last dime.”  She shook her head at the awful attempt at poetry and wondered why he hadn’t recruited Spike to help him with it.  Though, remembering the reason behind Spike’s former nickname, perhaps he had.  She didn’t know why she’d saved his little cards, but she still didn’t throw them out, instead placing them in the drawer of her bedside table.

Taking a break from the endless task of hanging up her clothes, Willow leaned down to pick up Luna who had discovered the laces of her sneakers and had been contentedly munching on them.  It was nice to have feline company again.  She sat on the bed and put the kitten in her lap, entertaining her with a feather from one of the many scattered bags of magic supplies.  Could the person who brought her this little fluff of joy really be worthy of her continued anger and distrust?

It occurred to Willow that this was the first relationship she’d ever voluntarily walked away from.  Everyone else had left her.  Not just lovers, either.  Her parents, her friends, they had all been the ones to leave.  Even Miss Kitty Fantastico had run away, though she vowed not to let that happen to her new little darling.

So here she sat alone by her own choice for the first time in her life.  And somewhere not too far away sat the one person who could make her not alone, the one person who would still love her freely, if she would only let him.  But she couldn’t.  Not yet.  She no longer doubted his love for her or his intention of fidelity.  She still needed to convince herself that he wouldn’t leave, not ever.  If she gave him her heart and he tossed it away as so many others had, it would be the end of her.  Her will to live would be crushed and Willow would be gone.  She simply could not survive another abandonment.

As the sun set, Willow busied herself in the kitchen making dinner for one.  The refrigerator was full of her earlier purchases at the grocery store, where she’d had a blast tossing anything and everything that looked good into her cart, knowing that she finally had a refrigerator all to herself and big enough for all the food she could want.  She stirred a pot of rice that threatened to boil over while checking the timer for the salmon loaf in the oven.

Luna had gone crazy when Willow opened the can of fish and now sat in the corner cleaning her whiskers after the snack that she’d charmed out of her new owner.  The doorbell rang and Luna found herself scooted into the bedroom with the door closed so she could not dart out the front door when Willow opened it to let in her guest.  Standing on the porch was none other than Angel, he whom she had moved to avoid.  “Hi.  What are you doing here?  And what did you bring me now?”  Was Willow’s friendly greeting.

“I just came to see how the move went.  Sorry I couldn’t help, but it was a nice day and big piles of dust aren’t that great at lifting boxes.”  Willow raised an eyebrow at the large paper bag he held.  “Oh, this isn’t for you.  It’s for Luna.”  At her invitation, Angel set his burden down on her kitchen counter and extracted two boxes of kitten food, a packet of treats, a plastic ball with a bell inside, several furry mice, and a small round container of catnip.

Willow looked at the array of goodies and said, “You didn’t have to do all this.  I can afford to take care of her.”

“I know.  But when I gave her to you, I didn’t know you were moving and I thought she’d be ours.  I don’t think it’s fair to expect you to provide for her by yourself since I’m the one who promised to give her a home.”

Willow couldn’t argue with this so she only thanked him and put away the boxes of food.  She let Luna out of the bedroom so Angel could see her and rolled the ball across the hardwood floor to see what she would do.  Willow and Angel stood and watched as Luna wiggled her rump and then pounced as the ball tried to roll past her.  They laughed at her antics like proud parents and it was a few minutes before they realized they weren’t supposed to feel this comfortable around each other.  As the laughter died away, Angel gave himself a quick tour of the apartment.

“Nice place you’ve got here.  I see you went with the first floor.  It seems like a decent neighborhood at least.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t really have a lot of time to look around for anything better,” she told him, not bothering to hide the bitterness in her voice.  She didn’t want him coming there and criticizing her housing.  If it wasn’t for him she would still be perfectly happy up in her little room in his penthouse.  No, if it wasn’t for Lorne, she reminded herself.  She was trying desperately to end her mental Angel bashing.

Before he could come up with a response the timer buzzed and Willow hurried to remove the loaf from the oven and shut off the rice.  Clearing his throat, Angel announced, “Well I guess I’d better be going.  Just wanted to drop off Luna’s things.  See you Monday.”  He was out the door almost before she could express her thanks for the bag of supplies.

Willow wondered at his true motives for the short visit.  Surely he wouldn’t come all that way to drop of $10 worth of cat care items.  Was he just checking up on her?  Or did he really miss her?  That last thought almost made her lose her appetite for her carefully prepared dinner.  Sitting at the little round table for two, Willow pushed her rice around on one of the cheap white plastic plates included with her rent.  It was Saturday night.  Did Angel have any plans?  Somewhere in her head an evil voice suggested that perhaps he was going to have a late night at the office with a particular short skirt.

She threw down the fork, which clattered on the table, startling Luna who hissed adorably.  It was happening to her at last.  She was brooding.  Hadn’t Spike playfully warned her that hanging out with Angel too much would lead to this?  It was ridiculous that she should sit there alone in her little apartment thinking about him, imagining all sorts of absurd things and making herself miserable.

Setting the plate on the floor to see if the kitten had a better appetite than she did, Willow returned to her unpacking, desperate to have something to do to keep her mind off a certain tall, dark, and handsome brood-machine who insisted on haunting her every thought.  Though she’d always been a hard worker, Willow had also been able to appreciate her free time as well.  Now she found herself eagerly anticipating the coming work week when she could bury herself in cases and not think about the occupant of the big office down the hall.

~Part: 16~

Monday came at last and on this particular morning, Willow's office contained an extra tall vase with a half dozen sunflowers on three foot long stems.  The card read simply, "Good morning, Sunshine.  You are the light of my life."

Suppressing a groan, Willow slipped the card into her pocket and thought with not a little irony how, not too long ago, this particular light of Angel's life would have liked to really be sunshine to set him on fire and burn him to ashes with her mere presence.

She'd been at work only a short time, occupying her mind with all things non-vampire, when a knock came at her door.  She called out an invitation and immediately regretted it when she saw who stood on the other side.  Eve stepped into the room, closed the door, and sat down in a chair in front of Willow's desk, without being asked.

"Good morning, Willow.  I think it's time you and I had a little chat, wouldn't you say?"  Willow, as usual, said nothing.  "I think enough time has passed that you should be able to tell me your decision."

Barely hearing what was said to her, Willow stood up from her chair.  Leaning over her desk, her face scrunched up in a never-before-seen scowl she said, "I don't think enough time will ever pass for you to come in here and act like I would have a conversation with you.  I have no interest in talking to you about my relationship with Angel, so why don't you just go take a."

Eve cut her off.  "I'm not here to talk about Angel. What happened at the Halloween party was an accident. Neither of us did anything wrong or have anything to apologize for, not to you, or anyone else."  Seeing that Willow could only stand there with her mouth hanging open, none of the comebacks going through her mind being nearly good enough to respond to what had just been said, Eve continued, "I'm here to talk about you.  It's been a long time since I asked if you'd consider having your magic enhanced.  We've really tried to be patient on this issue, but I'm beginning to feel some pressure to extract a definitive answer from you.  I'm sure you understand."

Sitting back down in her chair, Willow found her voice at last.  "I understand that you expect me to let you mess around in my brain.  There is no way that's gonna happen.  I've read the reports on those other poor people you've "enhanced".  Their minds start to break down after a couple of years and then you dispose of them.  Don't bother trying to deny it!"

"I wouldn't dream of it.  You're absolutely right.  We have had some disappointing results in attempting to enhance the ordinary human mind.  But Willow, your brain is far from ordinary.  We believe that you are the best candidate we've seen for a successful, long-term enhancement.  It's too bad that you didn't feel you could come to me with your concerns.  We could have had this all worked out by now and been benefiting from your improved capabilities.  Do you have any other misconceptions I can help you with?"

"No, just the original one.  That you're all a bunch of evil mad scientists and there is no way you're opening up my head."

"I'm sorry to hear that.  I hope you'll change your mind.  I'd hate to have to change it for you."  With that threat left to hang in the air, Eve showed herself out of Willow's office.

Willow slumped back down in her chair, feeling drained in spite of the short duration of the conversation with Eve.  Had she really thought that being at work would be better for her mental state than being at home in her apartment and watching the ever adorable Luna carry little furry mice about in her mouth as if they were her babies?  Maybe she was closer to losing it than she thought.  As if to make her Monday morning complete, a familiar blonde head drifted in through the bookcase.

"So, here she is, Miss Leave Me Alone to Die, Cruel World."  The rest of the ghostly form appeared in the office and Spike commenced pacing back and forth in his favorite route in front of her desk.

Willow groaned.  "Spike.  What do you want?  Can't you see I'm brooding?"

"Oh, that's rich!  Where have I heard that before?  Oh right, just yesterday in the penthouse.  And the day before, and the day before, and the."

"Spike!  The point.  What you wanted.  That would be.?"

"Right.  Just wanted to tell you I think you ought to move back.  You made a big mistake leaving.  You don't know how it's been."

"Well, why don't you tell me?  Then you can go.  I'm having a bad day."

"It's Angel.  He's not been himself.  Not eating right.  Those same packets of blood have been in the fridge for a week.  I can't remember the last time I saw a mug in the sink.  Not to mention the brooding, and I told you that would happen.  It's ten times worse than ever before!  It's no fun even picking on him when he's already in such a rotten mood all the time."

"I suppose you're going to tell me this is all my fault?"

"You bet I am!  How else do you explain it?  Before you left he was so happy it made me sick!  I could rib him for hours before I got a good reaction out of him.  I swear he even started wearing less black for a while."

"Look, Spike, I think it's cute that you're worried about him, but he's a big boy.  He can take care of himself.  He survived hundreds of years without me, I'm sure this time apart isn't going to kill him."

"So you are coming back?  Someday?"  The pacing ceased and Spike moved to sit on the corner of Willow's desk, just to the left of her chair.  She suddenly had his full attention.

"Well, that's the plan, I think.  If he's willing to wait and not get into any more. compromising situations, then yeah, someday.  You're really worried about him?"

"Maybe a little.  Nothing wrong with that.  Besides, it's just more fun with you there.  We're friends, aren't we Red?  Can't a ghost just miss one of his regular haunts?"

Willow smiled.  "Yeah, of course we're friends, Spike.  You saved my life.  You could come haunt my new place sometime if that amulet will let you get that far away."

"And you could come up to the penthouse now and then, even if it's just to see me.  I'm not foolish enough to think that if you could see a certain someone else, that wouldn't be a better incentive, though."  Spike suddenly smiled the most conniving, mischievous, smile Willow had ever had the horror to see upon his face. If he didn't have a soul she would have been running for her life.  "I've got something for you.  You wait here and open the door when I tell you.  It's a real something so I can't float it through the wall.  Could take me awhile, hold on."

Before Willow could ask anything further, Spike had leapt off her desk and was gone.  Shaking her head, she tried desperately to recall what she was doing before her visits from the building's strangest occupants had distracted her.

At last she found her focus and went to work studying a particularly puzzling case involving a band of demons harvesting human body parts for sale on the black market as delicacies to other demons who favored the various  parts.

She'd made contact with one demon that preferred to serve earlobes at his social functions.  Using a simple truth spell, she hoped to uncover the name of his supplier at their next meeting.  So far, he hadn't been very forthcoming even though the firm was representing some of the demons who were being ripped off by the high prices.  Thankfully, this meant they were interested in shutting down the operation.

 It was over an hour later when Willow at last heard Spike's muffled voice demanding that she open the door.  Doing so, she saw him crouched on the floor, a deep crease of concentration on his forehead as he tried to push a small piece of shiny paper over the ridge where the hardwood floor of the hall ended and the plush carpet of Willow's office began.  Taking pity on the ghost, she stooped and picked up the paper, ushering him inside and closing the door.  "Is this for me?" She asked, before turning it over and gasping.

"Yup, it's all yours.  How do you like it?"  His frown had turned into a huge grin when he saw her reaction.

"Spike," she hissed, closing the door quickly.  "Where did you get this?"

"Took it myself this morning.  Had a helluva time picking up the camera and pushing that sodding little button, but it was worth it.  I thought if you saw what you were missing, you might consider a reunion with the Gel-Headed Wonder."

"Spike, I've seen what. I mean, I know what. this one time, I. well this is really unnecessary," she concluded, trying to pretend she wasn't studying the picture like an art critic standing in front of a Monet.

Spike took her meaning just fine, however garbled the delivery.  "Oh, have you now?  Well, I had no idea! When did this happy little occasion occur?  I thought that you two never made it into the sack."

"No!  We didn't.  But, you know, two people live together for awhile, sometimes you just have bad timing, and well, these things happen.  Nobody's fault really," she muttered.

"So, now you've got a little reminder.  Just in case you forgot.  Now, me, I wish I could forget.  Like I really needed to remember what that sculpted ass was. ah never mind.  Picture's yours.  Enjoy!"  Once more Spike dissolved through the wall and Willow was left to admire his gift.

Alone in the room she felt no shame as her eyes traveled down the full-length shot of Angel just emerging from the bathroom after his shower, apparently no longer fettered by the towel he'd felt obligated to wear during her residence in the penthouse.  His mouth was open in a perfect O of surprise.  Willow giggled as she imagined how his face had shifted into a look of annoyance and fury when he realized what had happened.

Recalling the difficulty Spike had getting the picture down to her, she couldn't imagine that Angel would have had any trouble taking it away from him.  Surely he'd been gone so long because of the amount of concentration it took him to move things any distance at all.  A sly smile appeared on her lips to match the thought in her head that perhaps Angel had guessed his purpose in taking the shot and let him get away with it.  She couldn't pretend that the picture had no effect on her.  In fact, she was sure it was having exactly the effect Spike, and maybe Angel, had hoped for.  No matter, she had resisted the charms of the freshly showered vampire when she'd lived with him; certainly she could resist a picture of the same. Just to prove it to herself, she tore her eyes away and placed the image in her pocket along with the card from the sunflowers.

She looked back at her computer and was startled to see that the time in lower right hand corner of the monitor indicated that nearly 15 minutes had passed since Spike had left the office.  Had she really spent all that time looking at the picture?  Of course not, she must have just read the clock wrong earlier. Right, she could tell time when she was two years old, but now she read the clock wrong.  Uh huh.

"Stupid sexy naked vampire!  So not thinking about you!  Sitting here, working on my case with the yucky body parts, definitely NOT thinking about you!  You hear me?  NOT thinking about you!" Willow muttered to herself.

Her door opened and she looked up to see Angel stick his head in.  "Do you think you could keep it down a little in here?  I'm having trouble concentrating with the monologue going on.  Practicing some performance art?"  Giving her a smirk she wanted to slap right off his face, he pulled his head back out and shut the door again.

~Part: 17~

The next month passed uneventfully for Willow and before she knew it, people and other creatures around the office were beginning to talk about their holiday plans.  She was looking forward to a little time off herself.  It hadn’t taken long for the lawyers of the firm to realize that Willow was the one to go to when you wanted something done quickly and done right.  She cast protective spells for some who had meetings scheduled with unpredictable clients.  Others needed weapons enhanced or potions made. Occasionally, she had a hard time sleeping at night, wondering just what she’d helped Wolfram & Hart dispose of.  In her contract there was a clause that prevented anyone from asking her to harm a human being, but from plenty of personal experience, she understood that not all demons were evil.

She knew that her colleagues from the former Angel Investigations dealt with the same kind of internal conflicts every day.  Still, she had her almost nightly battles with confirmed evil demons to ease her mind.  That part of her routine with Angel hadn’t changed.  He continued to keep her informed of each new threat and often asked her to come along on his demon hunts, which she was always happy to do.  They had saved each other’s lives at least a half dozen times just in the previous three weeks.  On a few occasions, when they weren’t too exhausted, or covered in offensive substances, they had gone out for a cup of coffee to celebrate a victory.

In spite of everything, Willow liked spending time with Angel outside of work.  Once he had cut down on his attempts to win her back and accepted the fact that she would be the one to decide when the time was right for them to try a relationship again, things had been a lot less awkward between them.

On one particularly slow night, Willow had even accepted his invitation to dinner at his apartment.  They’d had a pleasant, platonic, evening with Spike in attendance to chaperone.  She’d been impressed that Spike had been so well-behaved, hardly aggravating Angel at all.  In fact he’d been downright complimentary of the other vampire, and brought up topics of conversation in which he knew Angel was well versed.  It amused Willow that while Angel had ceased trying to woo her, Spike apparently had not.  She figured he must have decided on a new purpose for his existence after all.

 Angel had justified his invitation by saying that his pots and pans were getting rusty from disuse, as were his cooking skills.  Willow had feared an ulterior motive to the time alone with Angel, but that night she found herself back at her apartment, having passed the entire evening with no such motive making an appearance.  She was pleased to see Angel keeping all of his promises to her.  He had not once pressured her into moving back to the penthouse or spending any more time with him than what she was comfortable with.  Neither did he ignore her in any way.  His subtle presence in her life was just right to convey his continued interest and devotion to her.

She kept her eyes and ears open and found that he flatly refused any and all advances by other females, both at work and during his extracurricular life saving excursions.  Flowers continued to show up in her office about twice a week.  Willow now had quite a collection of little cards in her bedside table drawer.  Now and then when the insomnia struck her, and even Luna’s purrs from the foot of the bed couldn’t ease her mind enough to make her drop off, Willow took out these little cards and read through them.  Invariably, she would be filled with the warmth of Angel’s distant love and then, comforted, sleep would come to her.

In fact, Angel was doing nothing less than she expected from him.  He was her love, even if they weren’t together at the moment.  He said he would do anything for her and he proved it over and over, every day that they were apart.  During their battles against the demons of LA, she trusted him with her life without a second thought.  He’d proved himself worthy of that trust years ago when he’d first started saving her life, and the lives of her friends.  Now, though, she wondered, hadn’t he proved that he could be trusted with her heart?   She wanted to give it to him and he wanted it, that much was clear, so what was the problem?  The conclusion: there wasn’t one.

It was Sunday night, mid-December.  Willow put the last of the little flower cards back in the drawer and lay down on her bed, clicking off the shaded lamp that sat on the table.  She smiled to herself in the dark and snuggled down in the blankets, warmed by the words on the cards as much as the fluffy comforter.  Angel was going to have a very nice Christmas this year.  That, she decided, would be when she told him she was ready to try again.

~~~*~~~

“I’m just saying you should let someone tell him, is all,” Spike said, appealing to Willow’s sensible side.

“I still don’t think it’s a good idea.   If he knows what she is, it could throw off the whole balance of power here, and I’m not ready to accept the potential consequences for that.”  Willow had been having the same conversation with Spike at regular intervals since she’d clued him in on Eve.

“He’s already proved he’s not looking for a repeat performance of Halloween, so why won’t you help him out a little?  He could act like he doesn’t know.”

“Look, Spike, it’s like Fred says, why disturb the peace?  She’s not causing any trouble for us right now, so why would we want to stir it up?”

“Not causing any trouble?  Wasn’t that her in here not a half hour ago telling you this was your last chance to change your mind about that enhancement business?  Sounded troublesome enough to me!  I think you should at least tell Angel she’s been threatening you.”

“I can handle Eve myself.  What am I gonna do?  Run and tell the boss she’s not playing nice?  Right, cause that won’t look petty and jealous!”  Willow shook her head and turned away from Spike trying to imply that the conversation was over.  It always went the same way.  He tried to insinuate that the only reason Willow wouldn’t tell Angel about Eve is because she wanted to see if he was really attracted to her before she gave him a good reason not to be.  That wasn’t it at all though, at least not anymore.  Now that she had waited so long to say anything, she didn’t want to tell him because that would require admitting that she’d kept it from him all this time.

Why Spike was so eager to let him in on the secret was anybody’s guess.  Perhaps he was just bored and wanted to stir things up a bit.  That was Willow’s speculation.  That or he hoped Angel would be really embarrassed for not figuring it out himself.  Either way, Willow was in no hurry to reveal what she’d done.

It was true that Eve had made another visit to Willow’s office and presented her with an ultimatum.  Either she came willingly and had the enhancement performed, or else.  Willow’s response was to sit quietly at her desk and magically open her door, levitate Eve out through it at a rapid rate of speed, announce that her magic was perfectly adequate, and slam the door.  Though she hadn’t attempted to reenter the office, Willow was sure she hadn’t heard the end of that.

Now she had more pressing matters at hand, such as getting rid of Spike so she could get some work done.  There were only three more days of work before the offices closed for the holidays.  Willow found it deeply ironic that an ancient evil law firm closed for the birth of the Christian savior.  Of course, it was for no such thing; they only closed in order to maintain their thin image of normalcy.  Whatever the cause, it meant time off, and Willow wanted to make sure that she didn’t have any outstanding issues left at the office to distract her during her vacation.  She had big plans for herself and Angel.  It was practically killing her not to let Spike in on her intention of getting back together with Angel, but she was too afraid he would spoil the surprise.

She would invite him to her apartment for a quiet evening.  They would have dinner, she’d even preordered some blood from the meat market to make sure she had a fresh batch to pick up the day before, and then they would exchange gifts.  She found a hand-blown, red glass heart, about the size of the palm of her hand, and had her name written in gold paint across the front.  She would give it to him, all wrapped up in a pretty red box, and tell him she was trusting him with her heart.  That’s when she would reveal that they were sitting beneath some strategically placed mistletoe.  How the rest of the evening would play out was kind of a blur in her mind but always seemed to include a soundtrack with lots of exuberant violins.

“Are you even listening?”

Oh, right.  Spike was still in her office.  “Do you think we could talk about this later, I’m kinda busy.”

Spike stood up and threw his hands in the air.  “Oh, sure there might not even be a later for you, if a certain evil bitch has her way, but don’t let me keep you from your precious work!”  He did leave her alone, finally, and Willow tried very hard to keep her mind on the precious work and not let it wander too far into the future where she so desperately wanted to be.

After a couple more hours of writing up her report on the case of the body part harvesting demons, which had just been wrapped up that very week, Willow told herself that if she was going to be successful with plan, “Get Back with Angel”, she’d better issue the invitation before someone else asked him to join their festivities.

It was just about time for lunch anyway so she felt justified in taking a break.  Heading down the hall, she noticed the utter lack of holiday decoration, in sharp contrast to Halloween when there had been pumpkins and black cats, real ones, around for weeks in advance.  Being Jewish and pagan, Willow didn’t have much use for the religious implications of Christmas, but she never turned down an excuse to have a little fun and give gifts.

As Willow put her hand on the doorknob to let herself in to Angel’s office, an indignant voice asked, “Can I help you?”

She turned, startled to see Harmony at her desk for a change, apparently determined to play the good secretary and screen her boss’s visitors.  “Harmony, it’s just me.  I want to see Angel.  He’s in, isn’t he?”

“I’ll check and let him know you’re here.”  She brushed past Willow and shut the door in her face as she entered the office beyond.  Waiting none too patiently, Willow wondered what had brought on this spurt of good behavior.  Her eye wandered over the secretary’s desk where she saw, spread out amid numerous unicorn figurines, a Bloomingdales catalogue and a sheet of paper with several lists of items, each apparently contingent on a speculated value for her Christmas bonus.

Willow placed one hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle as Harmony emerged and held the door for her.  “Angel will see you now,” she announced.

Angel smiled warmly as she walked towards his desk.  He gestured her into a chair, which she gratefully accepted.  “How are you doing?” He asked.

“Pretty good, I was just thinking about the holidays.  Do you have any plans yet?”

“Sure, big plans.”  Willow’s face fell.  “I have several days of solitary brooding in the dark to catch up on.  I get breaks now and then to be annoyed by Spike.  What were you planning?”  Willow was smiling again by now, pleased that she was in time to make her offer.

“Actually, I was hoping we could do some joint brooding, say my place, 7 pm, Christmas day?  Or, I could make us some dinner and give you the special present I picked out.”  She could see she had his full attention now.

He looked at her intently for a moment as though wanting to make sure she was serious before pouncing on the opportunity.  “I’d love to come,” he said at last.

Willow let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding.  “Great!  See you then!  Or well, probably before then too, but definitely then also, even if not before.  You know.”  She got up and hurried out before he could change his mind.  She flashed a huge grin at Harmony, who was puzzling over the buttons of her calculator, before practically skipping back to her own office, lunch completely forgotten.

She skipped right into Wesley who returned her contagious smile with one of his own.  “I take it you told him, then?”

“What?  No, shhh.  Not yet!  I haven’t even told him the other thing yet!”  At his frown, she dragged him into her office and shut the door.  “I’m going to tell him I’m ready to try again on Christmas.  I thought I’d let that sink in for a while before I told him about the ritual.  I mean geez, don’t you think we should date a little before making that kind of commitment?”

“Well, yes, of course.  I trust that you know how important it is that we perform the ritual as soon as possible after you resume your relationship.  Should something befall Angel, your powers must be bound and this is the only way we know of.”

“I know, Wesley, really I do.  But come on, you’re a guy!  Don’t they get kind of scared off when you start talking about stuff like this?  It’s so old fashioned!”

“So is Angel!  He’s over 200 years old in case you forgot.  I’d think he’d be more comfortable doing things this way, if anything.”

“Maybe you’re right.  Just give me a little time ok.  And don’t say anything to anyone else either!  I’ve waited a long time to have this, I don’t want it ruined.”

“I understand.  I leave it to you to tell him when the time is right.  I’ll be ready when you are for the actual event.”

“Thanks, Wesley.  I owe you a lot.  You’re the reason we have a chance for something real.  I promise I’ll be careful until it’s time.”

“I know you will.”  They nodded to each other and went their separate ways.

In her inbox, Willow found a small square envelope with just her name engraved on the front.  A smile lit her face, thinking it another card from Angel, and she sat back in her chair and took a silver letter opener from her desk.  She slit the envelope and pulled out the heavy white stationary inside.

Ms. Rosenberg,

Your presence is expected at a meeting Thursday, December 18th at 9 am in conference room 217.  The participants in the case of Wolfram & Hart vs. The Butchers will be recognized at this time.  Refreshments will be served.

Sincerely,W & H Staff Appreciation Committee

She frowned and turned the letter over, expecting further information.  There was none to be found.  She didn’t even know Wolfram & Hart had a staff appreciation committee.  Maybe that was something new that Angel had implemented.  The case of the Butchers, that band of demons carving up people and selling the parts for sky high prices, had been one of the tougher nuts to crack.  She liked to think she’d played a substantial role in the successful outcome of the case.  Surely getting a little recognition for once couldn’t hurt.

The meeting was the very next day, so she’d soon find out who was responsible for this new and much welcomed policy.  In the meantime, she had other things to worry about.  Like what she was going to wear for Christmas.

~Part: 18~

With the blessing of their boss, Willow and Fred blew off the rest of the day to do some last minute shopping.  It was during this trip to the unbelievably crowded Beverly Center that Willow let Fred in on her plan.  Fred grinned and clapped her hands, excited at the prospect.  “We’ll find you the perfect dress.  I don’t normally even like shopping at this time of year, but this is important.  Oh, and I want to get something nice for Wesley.  Things have been kind of weird between us lately and I want him to know that I care about him, even if it’s not in the way he’d like it to be,” she finished softly.

“Hey, that reminds me!  I’ve got to get something for Wesley too.  He did me a really huge favor so it has to be something that says thanks, I owe you big time.”

“Really?  What did he do?”

Willow, not ready to reveal that much about her future plans yet, tried to brush it off, “Oh, he helped me find a spell I’d been searching for.  I just couldn’t seem to find it so he offered to help and then sure enough, he found it.  He’s good like that.”

“Yeah he is,” Fred agreed.

By the time they were ready to go, Willow had a gorgeous, floor-length, emerald green satin dress.  It had capped sleeves and an empire waist, both embroidered with a darker green lacy pattern.  For Wesley, Fred had decided on a long leather coat, not unlike the one he’d always admired on Angel.  Willow couldn’t seem to find anything she thought he would like at such conventional stores.  Finally, she realized she’d have to order something special and just hope it arrived in time.  She did, however, pick out gifts for Giles, Buffy, Dawn, and Xander.  She wanted to get something for Spike, he had saved her life after all, but nothing suggested itself as the ideal gift for someone without a solid body.  Anything she bought would only seem to taunt him for not being able to hold onto it.  She settled for a nice card.

Back home, she wrapped her selections in the colorful paper she’d purchased and boxed them up to ship overseas.  She knew her chances of them reaching their intended destinations in time were slim, but she’d been too busy to take care of it beforehand.  They’d understand though.  Actually, she hadn’t received anything from them either.  After moving to her apartment, she’d sent out address cards and eventually, each of her friends had written back asking how she liked LA.  Since then though, the communication had been sparse.

The next morning, Thursday, Willow stepped off the elevator with her arms full of the boxes to her friends.  They obscured her vision and she walked right into Angel who quickly relieved her of some of her burden.  “Oh, sorry Angel!  I couldn’t see where I was going.  I’m late for a meeting.”

“What’s all this?” He asked her.

“Presents for the guys.  I’m taking them to the mailroom later.”

“I can do that for you.  I’m sort of going that way.”

“Great thanks!  See you later!”  She ran back to the elevator, and pushed the button for the second floor.  She’d never actually been to room 217, but that seemed like a logical place for it.  The elevator doors opened onto a brightly lit, if oddly quiet hall.  She stepped out and walked slowly along, pausing occasionally to look at the number above a door to see where she was.  The heels of her shoes clicked loudly on the tile floor and the sound echoed down the hall ahead of her.

In a different time and place, Willow might have been more suspicious of this situation.  An unknown committee sending her to an unknown room was just the sort of thing that should have set off her radar.  Maybe it was just that she’d been away from the hellmouth for too long.  Or, maybe she’d survived on it long enough that she felt she could handle anything that happened and didn’t need to be particularly cautious.  Or maybe she was simply too caught up in planning her vacation and thinking about a certain tall, dark and handsome vampire.  Whatever the cause, she didn’t give a second thought to the idea that, like most things at Wolfram & Hart, this meeting was not what it seemed.

Finally, she found the door labeled 217.  It was a gun metal gray door with no window, like all the others on this floor.  It had a lever style handle which she pressed down on and found it unlocked, as she expected.  She pushed the door open and stepped inside.  Looking up she stopped abruptly, her green eyes widening to take in the sight in front of her.  She was not in conference room at all, but in an operating room.  Standing around the steel table were not men in suits, but men in lab coats.  They held surgical instruments instead of pens and wore masks instead of ties.  Willow turned to flee just one second too late.  She felt a sting as one of the men, who’d been standing just inside the door, jabbed a needle in her arm.

Her body went limp almost immediately, and she would have crumpled to the floor, had two more of the surgeons not come forward and grabbed her.  She was helpless to resist as they lifted her up and set her on the table.  She could not move or speak, though she was breathing normally and could open and close her eyes.  Keeping her eyes opened unfortunately meant staring directly into the powerful lamp positioned above her head.

She could not actually feel her body, but she could see her arms and legs being strapped down.  She wondered about that, since she couldn’t move them anyway, but maybe the effects of whatever they injected her with would wear off before they were done with her.  That wasn’t a particularly happy thought.  Now she heard the sound of heels clicking towards her on the tile floor.  She couldn’t turn her head to see who approached but she didn’t have to.  Eve’s face appeared in her line of sight and smiled down at her.  “Well, here we are at last.  Sorry it had to be like this, but I did give you plenty of opportunities to come willingly, wouldn’t you say?”  She laughed, a perfectly diabolical laugh.  “No, of course you wouldn’t.  Well, it doesn’t matter, you’ll have your enhancement soon enough.”

Willow’s brain raced with all the curses she wanted to place upon that head that mocked her.  She could only widen her eyes slightly, giving her a surprised look that was misinterpreted by Eve.  “What, you thought we weren’t really going to enhance your magic?  Of course we are.  But then, you’ll also be under the complete control of the senior partners.  You’ll kill who we want, when we want.  You’ll burn down entire cities if it suits our purpose.  Yes, Willow, like I’ve said from the beginning, you’re very important to us.  Even more important now than Angel ever was.  From the moment you came to us, my job has been all about you.  Bringing Angel over to our side would have been sweet, but he’s nothing compared to you.  You’re the real prize now.”

She stepped back into the shadows and Willow heard no more from her.  Now there was a loud buzzing sound near Willow’s head and all sorts of horrible images came to her of what it could be.  By rolling her eyes as far back as possible, Willow could just see one of the surgeons lifting what could only be described as a small circular saw.  Her heart was thudding painfully in her chest and her breath was coming in rapid shallow gasps, but there was nothing she could do to prevent her skull from being sawed open.

Suddenly, just as the man in the lab coat was lowering the instrument to Willow’s head, there was an enormous crash as the door to room 217 was kicked in by the angriest looking vampire any person in the room had ever had the horror to see.  He was holding a battle axe.  He rushed into the room and swung it at the man holding the saw.  The body slumped to the floor, the saw clattering as it fell from his hand, and the head rolled away into a corner.  Angel hadn’t stopped to see the outcome of his first swing.  He was too busy making his second and his third.  As he lifted the axe towards one of the two remaining men who hadn’t been able to run away yet, a voice yelled “Stop or she dies!”

He turned slowly to see Eve holding a syringe pressed against Willow’s neck.  “This vial is full of…”  She never got to finish her sentence as the blade of the axe penetrated her non-existent windpipe before coming out through her spine and crashing against the opposite wall.  Angel stood still in the spot where he’d thrown the axe and watched as her head separated from her body and then both disappeared without so much as a speck of dust to show where they’d been.

He stalked over to the back corner of the room and lifted up the cowering surgeon hiding there by his hair.  He dragged the man over to where Willow lay on the table and demanded, “Fix her.”  When Angel let go of his hair, he hurried to find the proper tube of medicine and drew a needle full.  “If that stuff doesn’t work, not only will you die, I will kill everyone you’ve ever known,” Angel warned.  The man stared wildly at the vampire before looking into his yellow eyes and nodding his agreement.

While he swiped Willow’s arm with an alcohol pad, Angel set about ripping the restraints from her body.  A few moments after the injection, she began to regain the feeling in her arms and legs and could wiggle her toes.  The doctor cleared his throat and once again had the unwelcome attention of the vampire.  “She might be sore for awhile, in her muscles.  And she won’t be able to walk right away.”

Angel growled at the man.  “Go,” he ordered, and never had a human obeyed so quickly.  He turned back to Willow who was regaining more control every minute and had turned her head to look at him.

“You saved me,” she whispered.

Looking at her, his demon retreated and he smiled.  “No, actually Spike saved you.  Again.  He was waiting for you this morning and when you didn’t come into your office, he saw the letter on your desk and came to find me.  He’s actually been in this room so he had a pretty good idea of what they were up to.”  He helped her sit up and stroked her hair, waiting for the dizziness to pass.

“Eve?” she asked.

“She’s gone.  Spike gave me the short version of her story; maybe you’ll fill me in when you’re feeling better.  I wish you’d told me.”   She saw the hurt in his eyes.  He must think she didn’t trust him.

“Sorry,” she managed.

“No, don’t worry about that now.  You’re safe and she’s gone.  They won’t be able to pull that trick again.  I guess since she was pretending to be human, she couldn’t really pretend to live without a head.  Let’s get you out of here.”

Angel picked up Willow and carried her in his arms like a groom might carry his bride over the threshold.  He held her tightly to him as they rode the elevator up to the penthouse.  Carefully, trying not to bang her head on anything, he maneuvered them through the apartment and into her old room where he laid her gently on the bed.  She managed to pull herself into a sitting position with some help from Angel who propped a few pillows behind her head and back.  He perched on the bed beside her.  “Can I get you anything?”

“No, just, can you stay for awhile?”

“Of course, I’ll stay as long as you want.  I’m glad you want me to stay, actually.  I feel like this is my fault.”

“How can you say that?  If I’d told you about Eve, you might have been able to get rid of her before.”

“Yeah, but if I’d trusted your intuition about her and been supportive when you wanted to investigate, then you would have felt like you could tell me what you found.  And what exactly was it that you found, and how?”

Willow told Angel the whole story, being completely honest, even about going into his office when he wasn’t there and finding the hair.  She found that she always wanted to be honest with Angel, and not just because keeping secrets had almost gotten her worse than killed.  She wanted him to know her completely.  When the truth was out, Angel could only sit there, shaking his head.  “What do you think the senior partners will do next?” She asked him.

“I don’t know what they can do.  They played the game and lost.  We’re on to them now.  As far as I’m concerned, we have the firm free and clear.  If they try anything else, we’ll be ready for them.”

Willow sat up a little more and managed to lift her arm from the bed enough to reach Angel’s hand and take it with hers.  “Angel.  I want to tell you something.  I was going to wait and do it at the right time with the nice music and the pretty dress and everything, but I almost didn’t get that chance and I’m tired of waiting.”

He leaned closer to her, a strange mixture of hope and concern playing across his features.  “What is it, Willow?”

“It’s just that I love you, and I don’t want to be away from you anymore.  It hurts and I don’t want to hurt.  I want to feel good like I do when I’m with you.  I want to feel that way all the time.”

A grin started to grow on his face, “So you’re saying…”

“I’m saying,” she confirmed.

The reached for each other and embraced in a gentle hug, Angel trying not to hurt Willow, and Willow not strong enough to give a tight hug.  When they pulled apart slightly, she tilted her face up to him and he leaned down to press his lips softly to hers.  He repeated the kiss several times and then released her.  She watched, still feeling frustratingly helpless, as he shifted her farther over on the bed so that he could lie next to her and hold her tight to his body.  Though her muscles were still not obeying her every command, Willow had regained full feeling and she relished the sense of him pressed against her.  The total realization of just how badly she’d longed for that feeling and how she’d missed it hit her and she sighed contentedly.

Before she knew she’d fallen asleep, Willow was waking up, savoring the familiarity of the bed and the man she shared it with.  She turned to look at him, pleased to find that she could do so, and saw him looking down at her, watching her.  “What time is it?” She asked.

“It’s tomorrow,” he informed her.

“It’s what!”  She sat up all the way now.  “I slept the whole day and night?  What the hell did they do to me?”

“Not as much as they wanted to.  It’s ok, you had quite an ordeal.  You needed to sleep.  See how much better you feel now?”

It was true, she felt almost totally normal after the extended rest.  Then she noticed Angel again.  He was still wearing the same clothes.  “You stayed here the whole time?”

He nodded.  “The whole time.  You asked me to stay, remember?  And I said I would, so I did.”

She reached out to put her arms around his neck and gave him a big kiss before drawing back, suddenly conscious of an unpleasant taste in her mouth, not unlike the morning breath of a hangover following a night of binge drinking.  “I, uh, think I’d like some water.  But I think I can get it,” she added quickly, seeing him move to get up.

“Well, if you can get up, I think I’d better get dressed and get downstairs.  I suppose I have a little explaining to do.”

Willow winced at the vague memory of seeing various body parts scattered about the operating room as Angel carried her out.  They left her room and she went to the kitchen for a drink.  Carrying a glass, she moved towards Angel’s room where he was picking out a new outfit.  “I’m sorry you had to do that.  Kill people, I mean.  I know that’s…”

Her words were cut off in surprise as she found herself enveloped by Angel, who she hadn’t even seen move, his arms around her waist and his lips on hers.  When he released her mouth he said, “Don’t ever be sorry.  I want you to be glad I killed them.  They were evil and tried to hurt you and I wouldn’t let them.  That’s my devotion to you.  I will NEVER let anyone hurt you.  Understand?”

She nodded, though she didn’t understand his sudden protectiveness.  “I am glad,” she told him.  Satisfied, he handed her back her glass, which she stared at, completely unable to figure out how he’d taken it from her in the first place.  Shrugging, she drained the contents and put it in the sink.

When Angel was dressed, he came out to find Willow lying on the couch looking perfectly exhausted.  Just walking around for a few minutes had sapped her energy.  “I’m going to go down there now.  You just stay here and rest.  I’ll tell everyone you’re out sick.  You might be like this for a couple of days.”  He looked away from her then and whispered.  “You could stay here until you feel better and I’ll take care of you.”

She smiled at him and forced her eyes to stay open a few minutes longer.  “That’d be nice,” she managed.

He looked at her again.  “I’ll go by your place and get you some clothes.  Do you want me to bring Luna here or just feed her?”

“Oh, bring her!  Kittens are excellent healers.  Purrs have magic in them,” she said and giggled incoherently.  Then she was asleep.

~Part: 19~

When Willow awoke, there was yet another vampire looking at her, watching her sleep.  She groaned and rolled over, nearly falling off the narrow couch she’d mistaken for her bed.  “Spike, what are you doing up here?”

“So, you told him then?”

“Who? What?”  Though the fog of sleep and drugs his words made no sense to her.

“Angel.  You told him you’d take him back.”

A little more awake now, Willow sat up.  “Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Oh, I don’t know.  Might have been the way he danced into the office.  Or maybe it was the little tune he hummed while he checked his email.  Mostly it was the great sappy grin on his face.  Hadn’t seen that look since the day after I saved your pretty neck from that Reaper bastard.”

Willow smiled at the memory of their first kiss and evening that followed.  “Yeah, I told him I’d take him back.  I was going to wait a little longer, but the time seemed right.  And you were right.  I should have told him about Eve.  I can’t believe I was so stupid.  Hey, thanks for saving me.  Again.”

“Sure thing.  Would have done it myself but I thought I’d let Angel play the hero this time.  That, and the trouble I seem to have holding an axe for more than a second or two.”  He held his fisted hands together and swung as though wielding an invisible weapon.

Willow watched him and shook her head a tiny bit.  “I just wish there was something I could do for you, Spike.”

“That right?  Well, there is something.  Just keep Angel happy, would you?  Makes my life a good bit easier.”

“I think I can do that.  Just for you, of course, I’ll put up with the devastatingly handsome sexy vampire and devote my life to pleasuring him and keeping him happy.  My own happiness from being with him is totally secondary.”

“All right, I don’t need any details.  Just do it.  I see you’re feeling better?”

Willow stood up and stretched, testing out each limb tentatively before trusting it.  “Yeah, I think I’m good.  Still kinda tired though.”

“I’ll be going then.  Good to see you on your feet, Red.”  Spike showed himself out and left Willow to her recuperation.

Though Willow was back to normal by the end of the day, she stayed with Angel through the weekend, “just in case”.  By Monday it was clear that she was no longer in need of his attentions and they faced the uncomfortable moment where it seemed that Willow should return to her own apartment, even though neither of them wanted that to happen.  Still, it was her home and all her things were there, so she went back with the understanding that Angel was welcome there at any time, and she at the penthouse.

The apartment seemed even lonelier than usual after the time spent in Angel’s constant company.  She puttered around, trying to enjoy her leisure time, trying out a few new recipes, reading a few books, but nothing fully took her mind off the tangible lack of Angel.  They still planned to have dinner on Christmas, though Willow felt her gift would be somewhat anticlimactic now.  Until then, they had no specific plans to see each other.  She doubted that either of them could go for three more days without spending any time together.

So it was with little surprise that Willow answered the knock at her door around midnight that night.  There on her porch, looking a little self conscious was her longed-for lover.  “Can I come in?” He asked, more out of courtesy than a need for an invitation, which he already had.

“Of course.  What are you doing here?  Not that I’m not glad that you’re here, it’s just it’s late, which is ok too, but I’m just happy you’re here,” she finished at last.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he offered.

“Oh,” she looked down and blushed.

“I could sleep on the couch,” he said quickly, seeing her expression.  “I just thought it might be easier, with you nearby.”

She took his hand and pulled him towards her bedroom.  “Don’t be silly.  You’ll stay in here with me.  It’s not like we’ve haven’t been sleeping in the same bed for last 4 nights.”  What she left unsaid was that she was presumed to be unwell during that time and he had stayed in the bed with her to monitor her heart and breathing.  This would be sleeping together just for the sake of sleeping together.  And that sounded divine to her.

She pulled back the covers to make room for him.  Angel was busy untying his shoes.  When he stood up, he kicked them off and started tugging at his shirt.  “Here, let me help you,” Willow offered.  If she was going to be with Angel again, she had every intention of taking advantage of all the perks that went along with that.  She lifted his shirt up, her eyes following the hem as it rose, slowly revealing the sight she craved.  When slid it down and off of his lowered arms, he pulled her towards him, giving her gentle kisses on her lips and down her neck.  She trailed her fingers over his back, loving the feel of his skin beneath her nails.

She stretched up and kissed his neck in return, fleetingly wondering if she would like the taste of his blood, if she were a vampire.  She could feel the muscles of his chest through the thin cotton tank top she wore, hard against her own soft body.  His hands slid down her sides and around to gently squeeze her bottom, clothed in matching cotton boy shorts to complete her pajama set.  She moved to unbutton his pants, but he quickly caught her hands in his, shifting them away.  “Get into bed,” he urged her.

She complied and he removed his pants himself, leaving on his boxer shorts, black silk, Willow noticed.  When the pants were gone she could clearly see why he hadn’t wanted her hands in that area.  He climbed into bed next to her, pulling her back against his chest and holding her as he had done when she was sick.  He stroked her hair and whispered loving words in her ear.  Though they didn’t fool around anymore, it was a long time before either fell asleep.

They spent the next two days in each other’s constant company.  At night they stayed at Willow’s apartment and shortly before dawn they would head wherever they wanted to spend the day, since the apartment was not sun-proof.  On Christmas Eve, Angel did something that disappointed Willow for the first time since their reconciliation.  He told her he couldn’t stay with her that night, that he had “things” to take care of.  She asked if there was trouble and if she could help him but he insisted that wasn’t it.  He simply had something to do and couldn’t stay.  However, he asked her to come to the penthouse in the morning, saying he would make her a nice breakfast.

So shortly after sunset, Willow found herself alone in her apartment.  She made the most of it, seeing to all the final details for the following evening, going out to pick up the blood, ironing her dress, and cleaning up a little.  Finally, there was nothing left to do but try to get some rest.  She slept fitfully, tossing and turning in the bed that suddenly seemed to big.

Relieved when sunrise came and she could stop pretending to sleep, she got up and dressed, eager to see Angel again.  A glance at the clock showed her it was still pretty early and she suddenly felt that she ought to call and see if it was ok to come over yet.  She wasn’t sure why she should feel like that.  Angel hadn’t told her to stay away, or mentioned a specific time to come.  Still, she gave into her instinct and dialed his number.  It seemed to take a long time for him to answer and his voice sounded strange to her.

“Yes, Willow.  Of course you can come over now.  So you’ll be here in about 10 minutes?  Sure, that would be great.  Ok, see you then.”

When she hung up, she stared at the phone trying to figure out what had seemed odd about their conversation.  Nothing that he’d said was unusual, but it was as if he was speaking for someone else’s benefit instead of hers.  Briefly, she felt a crushing pain in her heart, speculating that perhaps he had another lover in the apartment and was warning her that it was time to leave.  She shook her head to clear the poisonous thoughts and hurried out into the clear, cold sunshine.

Arriving at Wolfram & Hart, Willow made her way through the silent building, looking over her shoulder periodically as if she expected to see a masked man with a needle hovering behind her.  She breathed a small sigh of relief when she reached the empty elevator and pushed the button for the penthouse.

Angel greeted her full of boyish enthusiasm.  She still wondered what he was up to, but now it was clear that whatever it was, it was something more pleasant than she’d imagined.  He ushered her inside where she noticed that his apartment was unusually dark.  Suddenly, he flicked on the living room light and several people appeared from behind various furnishings and yelled, “Surprise!  Merry Christmas!”

Thankfully, Angel was behind Willow to catch her as she stumbled backwards, clutching her chest in shock at seeing the four familiar faces.  Before she had fully recovered she was being smothered in a group hug from Buffy, Dawn and Xander.  Everyone was shrieking happily and trying to greet her at once.  When the hubbub had died down, she turned to the man standing to the side in the inevitable tweed suit and grabbed him around the neck.  “Giles!  I can’t believe you’re here!”

He patted her back affectionately and then disentangled himself.  “Yes, well, it’s very good to see you too, Willow.  Where else would I want to spend the holiday?   Angel has been kind enough to gather all of my children in one place, so here I am.”

Dawn came forward again and threw her arms around Willow, squeezing the air out of her lungs.  “Willow!  I missed you so much!  You should have stayed with us longer, it was great!  We saw everything, like, the whole world!”

Willow could only laugh and hug the girl that she loved as the sister she never had.  When she let go, Xander tossed an arm across her shoulders and said, “So, Wills, shacking up with Deadboy, huh?  How’s that working out for you?”

Willow gasped and looked around in sudden horror.  They knew!  All of them must know, otherwise how could they be here?  Obviously Angel had flown them in to surprise her and why would he do that unless…

She turned to Angel now, her eyes nearly popping from her head, and made a helpless gesture for him to explain what was going on.  He’d been standing back in the kitchen, quietly observing the exuberant reunion without saying a word.  Now he grinned at Willow’s desperate look.  “Yeah, they sort of figured it out.  Sorry.”  He didn’t look sorry at all.

Buffy was the first one to reassure her.  “Willow, it’s ok really.  I understand how charming he can be.  Besides, I’ve met someone else.  I mean, it was a little weird to think of you two at first, but I can see it now.  It’s the right thing.”  She hugged the redhead again and when she pulled back there were tears in Willow’s eyes.  This very moment was the last thing she feared about her relationship with Angel.  Now even that had come and gone, and everything was still all right.  Her friends would support her.

She turned to Giles.  He had only one thing to say, “Well, if I couldn’t talk Buffy out of it, I’m not even going to try with you.  You’re far to determined.  And you deserve to be happy.”  His eyes crinkled up with the big smile he bestowed on her.  She reached out towards him and he took her hand, giving it a quick squeeze of approval, before letting go.

Xander too, had only one thing to say, “Hey, he’s better than Spike.”

Even Angel had a good laugh at this and then Willow looked towards Dawn, a little uncertain.  “What are you looking at me for?  He’s hot!  I say go for it!”

Willow threw a glance at Angel who was studying his shoes, trying not to look pleased with himself.  It wasn’t working.  She ran up to him and hugged him fiercely.  “Thank you.  Thank you so much.”

“Merry Christmas,” he whispered in her ear before giving her a quick kiss and earning a few groans from the living room.

Xander approached as the couple parted.  “So, come on Wills, show us the sights.  What’s there to do for fun around this joint.”

Willow looked from him back to Angel who waved his hand indicating that she should go ahead.  Buffy patted her on the back.  “Don’t worry, we’ll have you home in time for your big romantic evening.  We’re staying here tonight and throwing a party for half of LA.”

Angel’s eyes narrowed and then he laughed, assuming the slayer was joking.  He stopped and narrowed his eyes again as she continued to keep a straight face about the party.  He shook his head, “Fine, do whatever you want.  Just don’t be out too late.”  The last part of his words were directed at Willow who he kissed again before she departed with her friends.

She felt a little bit guilty about leaving Angel alone on Christmas, even though she knew if there was anyone who should celebrate that particular holiday less that her, it would be a vampire.  Still, she had a great day touring the city with her friends.  Not much was actually open, but they managed to find a decent place for lunch and otherwise mostly walked around, talking and catching up on each other’s adventures.  Willow asked how long they were in town and Buffy told her at least a few days, maybe longer.  None of them would reveal just what it was that would determine if they stayed longer, saying only that she’d find out later.

As night fell, she walked them back to the penthouse.  She found that Angel had stocked her tiny fridge with all the fixings for them to prepare a nice Christmas dinner while he was otherwise occupied with Willow.  Then she remembered, “Oh no!  You’re all here and I sent your gifts out in the mail last week.  Now they’ll be really late.”

Angel cleared his throat, “Actually, you gave them to me to mail, and since I’d planned this all along…”  He went to the closet and removed several packages.  He handed them to Willow, who was pleasantly shocked at the extent of his deviousness.  She passed each of her friends a gift and watched as they tore into them.  Soon Dawn was exclaiming over her new designer jeans, Buffy over a tiny, but very expensive, evening bag which Willow deliberately picked because it was NOT big enough to hide a stake, Giles over a special kit for cleaning and polishing eyeglasses, and Xander over his subscription to Builder magazine.

The gang insisted that they had not come empty handed, but that they couldn’t give her any gifts just yet.  Wait until tomorrow, they implored her.  She argued that it was Christmas now, and that if they had presents, she wanted them, but they wouldn’t budge.  She could either wait, or not get them at all.  Deeply puzzled, Willow exchanged another round of hugs with her friends and left to prepare for dinner with Angel.

~Part: 20~

Exactly one hour later, Willow was lighting candles on the table and heard a knock at the door.  She smoothed down the front of her green dress and went to answer it.  Standing on the other side was her expected guest, all decked out in his usual black pants, black shirt, and black coat, but with one notable difference.  In honor of the occasion, a blood red tie hung at his neck.  In the crook of one arm, a huge bouquet of red roses was nestled.  His eyes traveled down her satin draped body and, for a few moments, the two of them only stood at the door, staring at each other.

Willow unconsciously licked her lips and then stood aside so Angel could enter.  He did come in, but he didn’t take his eyes off of her.  She could feel her skin heating up inside her dress under his gaze.  Eventually he found his voice and stated simply, “You look stunning.”

He handed her the roses and as she turned from him to find a vase, she looked back over her shoulder and said, “Thanks.  You look delicious.”  She could feel his eyes still on her while she filled the vase at the sink and arranged the bouquet.  Struggling to find a new topic of conversation that didn’t involve all the ways she could imagine using his tie, Willow said, “Dinner is just about ready.  Why don’t you sit down?”

She heard a chair scrape on the wood floor as he did just that. She didn’t dare look back over at him, keeping her eyes instead on the task at hand.  She removed the turkey breast from the oven, the smallest one she’d been able to find, dumped the stuffing from the pan into a nice bowl, and arranged the acorn squash on a plate.  Now there was nothing to do but sit and try to eat her food and not rip Angel’s clothes off with her teeth.

He took a few bites of everything, obviously just to be polite, and thanked her for going to the trouble to provide his real meal.  A decanter of warm blood sat before him, some already poured into the goblet by his plate.  Willow couldn’t explain what brought on these moments when she had such a hard time being around Angel and not being “with” him.  It seemed to happen to both of them at the same time.  They would be fine for days, spending hours together with only minor sexual tension, and then there would be moments like this.

She tried to watch him discreetly as he sipped his blood, hoping it would gross her out enough to calm her desire.  It didn’t work.  She only found herself wishing it was her blood passing his lips, straight from the vein in her neck that he was so fond of kissing and flicking with his tongue.  In a moment of blind lust she almost told him exactly that, but settled for biting her lip hard enough to hurt and snap her out of it.  Of course she didn’t want him to bite her, that wouldn’t be good for either one of them.  That didn’t mean she couldn’t fantasize a little.

“This is very good,” he told her.  She had no idea if he meant the food or the blood and she didn’t care.  Her dinner was gone and they sat quietly for a few minutes, each sipping similar looking beverages from their goblets.  Willow made sure to only have one glass of red wine, still remembering the last time she’d had too much to drink around Angel.  Even then her inhibitions had been dangerously low.  Now with the freedom that came with being his girlfriend, she knew exactly where her lowered inhibitions would lead.  Her eyes flicked towards the bedroom and back to him.  There would be time for that in the future.  For now, it was nice enough just to be around him.

He sat at a 90 degree angle to her, his left knee brushing against her right.  She reached under the table and put a hand on his thigh.  “I’m glad you came.  I wanted tonight to be perfect.  This was going to be when I told you I still love you.  But now you already know.”

“It is perfect,” he assured her.  “Do I still get my present?”  He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

“Of course, why wouldn’t you?  Let’s go sit on the couch, I’ll get your gift.”

When Willow emerged from her room with the small red box, Angel was lounging on her couch with one arm draped across the back and the other hand still holding the goblet, freshly filled.  He saw her coming and placed it on the coffee table, extending both hands, palm up to receive his gift.  She smiled at his eagerness and daintily placed the box in his hands, settling down next to him to watch.  “Like I said, this would’ve been a lot more meaningful last week,” she warned.

He carefully pulled off the ribbon and flicked open the top of the box.  Cradled inside was the glass heart with “Willow” written in gold.  “It’s my heart.  It’s yours now, and it’s fragile, but I know you’ll take good care of it.”  He said nothing, but stroked it with his index finger, tracing the single word.  Then he set it next to his goblet and pulled Willow into his arms, holding her for untold moments until she thought he might not ever let go.

At last she said, “I like hugs too, but I think you better look up.”  He did and saw the small bunch of green leaves and red berries hanging above his head.  In touch with the world enough to know the meaning behind this little plant, he grinned wickedly at her and then covered her mouth in a kiss so hot she thought she might spontaneously combust.  His lips were soft but pushed firmly against hers, prying her mouth open when she gave a token resistance.  His tongue swept into her warmth, finding her own and tasting it, dancing with it, darting over the roof of her mouth and out, over her upper lip and back into his own mouth so that she went searching for it.  Her tongue ventured tentatively past his lips and was captured between them and taken in, carried off to experience his mouth and taste him.

By the time they parted, each flushed and gasping for breath, needed or not, Willow had untucked Angel’s shirt and had her hands underneath it, and the back of her dress was partially unzipped.  They spent a moment righting themselves, then their arms returned to their preferred locations around each other and Willow leaned back against Angel, allowing him to continue kissing her along the side of her neck.  She tilted her head to give him better access and her gaze found the goblet of blood on the table, spurring her previous fantasy to the forefront of her mind.

She felt her lover’s lips on her neck, she looked at the blood, and she couldn’t help it.  She asked, “Angel, what would happen if you bit me?”

He immediately stopped kissing her and shifted so that he was facing her.  “I would enjoy it very much and I would want to do it again.  And again.  I might not be able to control myself enough for you to live through it.  For you, it would sting at first and then it might feel good, depending on what we were doing at the time.”  He let the implication speak for itself.

“So, that would be a bad thing?”  Somehow, it didn’t sound so bad to her.

“Yeah, I’d have to say so.  Just smelling your blood in the confines of your veins is all the temptation I can handle.  If I tasted you, I’d never want to stop.”  He leaned in and kissed her again, wrapping his hands around her waist and scooting her onto his lap.  He plunged both hands through her hair, and drew her head down, pressing her to his lips.  His kiss was deep, more intense even than the one a few moments ago, when he’d seen the mistletoe.  Releasing her for a moment, he said, “I already never want to stop tasting you.”

When Willow felt his lap get a little smaller, due to the expansion in his pants, she moved herself off onto her own side of the couch, resisting the urge to rub against him as she went.  He let out a frustrated groan.  “I wish I could be with you, Willow.  I would do anything to be able to give you the kind of pleasure I know we could have together,” he whispered.

She raised one eyebrow at him.  “Anything?”  He nodded.  “Well, actually, there is a way that I know of, but I don’t think you’d want to do it.”

To her surprise, he was sliding off the couch, onto the floor, and then turned to face her, on one knee.  “I know there’s a way Willow. And I do want to do it.  I know you want to because you gave me your heart to take care of.”  He reached into his pants pocket and pulled out a small black velvet box.  “I know it doesn’t beat anymore, but will you take care of mine?”  He opened the box and held it out to her, revealing the ring inside.

Willow was overcome.  She was shocked that Angel somehow knew of the bond that was required for the ritual to bind her powers.  She was beyond touched and thrilled that he was willing to participate.  And finally, she was impressed with the silver band of Celtic love knots that would grace her finger.  ‘Say something, Willow’, she berated herself.  “Yes, of course,” was all she could manage.  Then he lunged for her, covering her with his body as she lay back on the couch.  She ground her hips up into him as he feverishly kissed and licked and sucked his way down from her lips, over her neck, and across the swell of her breasts, just visible at the top of her dress.

When they could stand no more, he tore himself away from her, and she could have sworn his eyes flashed yellow as he stood up and offered her his hand.  He helped her to her feet and once again, they put their clothes and hair back in order.  Standing apart to cool off, Willow thought to ask, “How did you know?”

“Ah, don’t be mad at him, but Wesley never could keep a secret.  I could tell he was hiding something from me so I, um, got it out of him.  I had no idea it was about us.  He knew you’d be mad so he made me swear not to let on that I knew until you told me yourself.  So, since you were about to tell me anyway…”

“You thought you’d turn it around on me.”  She laughed a little.  “Very clever.  I have to admit, I didn’t love the idea of being the one to propose the bond to you.  So, let me guess, you already have something planned?”

He nodded.  “We have a Wiccan priest and priestess to perform a handfasting on New Year’s Eve, one hour after sunset.  Your friends already know.  I told a few people at work that I was having a party, so they should save the date.  I’m not sure they actually believed that I would throw a party, but I thought you might enjoy breaking the news to them yourself.  I’ve left most of the details up to you.  I just have the time and place and the officiates.  We can even change that if you want”

“You’re sure you want to do this?”  She came closer to him and placed her hands on his shoulders so she could look in his eyes.

“I can’t think of a better way to show you how much I want you in my life.”

She smirked a little.  “So, you’re not just binding yourself to me for the sex?”

 He looked from side to side and smirked himself.  “Would that be so bad?”

She ran his tie through her fingers, and then met his eyes again.  “I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

Willow picked up the box with her ring and studied it.  “This is beautiful.  I wish I could wear it right now.  What will you wear?  Anything?”

He nodded.  “I have one just like it, only bigger.  I want everyone to know I’m taken.  With you.”  He came over and scooped her up in his arms so that her feet dangled free in the air.  She giggled and blushed as he carried her into her room and set her down so she could stand on her own.  “I think it’s time for bed,” he told her, unzipping her dress all the way.  She shrugged it off and turned to face him, wearing only the matching green bra and panties she’d bought.

He swallowed audibly and turned to leave the room.  “I think I just might sleep on the couch tonight.”

“Oh, no you don’t!”  Willow reached out and caught him by the tie.  “No man of mine sleeps on the couch.  You’ll just have to stay in here and suffer with me.”

Seeing that she was not to be denied, Angel acquiesced and began to remove his clothes.  Willow took some pity on him and slipped a nightshirt over her head since she had no intention of sleeping in a bra and didn’t want to drive the vampire too insane.  Her gaze fell on the red tie laying on top of the pile of Angel’s clothes on the floor.  She shifted her eyes back and forth between the man in her bed and his tie, then told herself, ‘soon’, and slipped into bed beside him.

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