Tuesday night the sun set. Dun, dun, dun! <<Dramatic Buildup>> Thus,
   nighttime fell like a canopy, freeing your heroine--who is your hero
   too!--to continue her adventures in the wacky world of spanking and bondage!
   I am so NOT looking forward to this!

   I left Wesley and Cordelia at the office to research demons that liked to
   eviscerate their victims, and who have a taste for S&M. I do not want to
   give the impression that I am being racially insensitive (because some
   demons are very nice people). BUT the list of demon species matching that
   profile on 'Demons, Demons, Demons,' the demonic database, went on FOREVER.

   What is it with demons and S&M?

   Since the both killings took place in the Korean district, I went there.
   (Astounding piece of logical reasoning, Willow Holmes!) I caught a cab,
   since the Angelmobile would not be out of the body shop until Thursday.

   Have I ever mentioned that I seem to have spent WAY too much time hanging
   out with Spike? Between Buffy's newfound Riley-obsession and the
   Xander/Anya Sexual Olympics, no one else has had too much free time.
   Spike...Spike has been underfoot for the last month or so. He is a
   relentless bundle of impatient, always-bored, perpetually edgy energy.

   Turn on Giles' TV, and he is there. Open Giles' refrigerator and he would
   come running. I teased him once that the sound of the fridge opening is
   like an electronic Spike whistle, guaranteed to work. He told me to "bugger
   off" and pointedly did not respond to the Call of the Fridge for the rest of
   the day. The next day he was back to his old habits though.

   AND he rambles on constantly about anything and everything you might care
   to discuss. Angel and Dru are favorite subjects of his. I have heard quite
   a bit about the "Great POOF" and "The Angelmobile". I know tons of
   disgusting details about his indiscriminate killing sprees with Drusilla. I
   know how he speaks. If I wanted to, I bet that I could "Walk the walk, and
   talk the talk."

   Anyway, this pointless Spike-nostalgia was just more evidence of how much I
   missed home. I knew I was pathetic when I started reminiscing about the
   fixed puppy of a vampire, who had failed to bite me. Sad, so sad...

   Not that I would ever admit to it but Spike is smart and funny and sexy...
   If it were not for the 'Big Bad' vampire thing... Ho hum... THAT is a
   thought I should not have! Back to the story...

   The Korean district was still a bustling hive of activity at 7PM. I went
   to the addresses where the killings had occurred, which I had courtesy of
   Kate and Cordelia. Both of the men had been killed in cheap hotel rooms
   rented by the hour and not the night. Neither of the hotel managers could
   clearly recall the men who had rented the rooms, other than that they had
   checked in alone.

   I broke into the rooms, crossed the yellow police tap, and felt vaguely
   guilty about doing so. I rationalized my violations, though, saying to
   myself that Kate had asked for my help, which meant that my actions were
   sanctioned by the police department, right?

   Do not answer that. It was a rhetorical question.

   I did not find anything new that the police had missed. Other than the
   fact that both rooms reeked of dried blood and my stomach nearly chewed a
   hole in my side trying to escape. I had not eaten since Angel left on
   Monday morning.

   After that, I was at a loss so I wandered the streets of the district
   trying to look inconspicuous. My attention fell upon an adult video and toy
   store not too far from the crimes scenes. I decided to check them out for
   lack of anything better to do. It was a start.

   No one was behind the counter or stocking the shelves when I came in. The
   bell tinkled behind me as the glass door closed. I waited to see if anyone
   would call out but no one did so I browsed the shelves, trying to look
   inconspicuous.

   Have I mentioned how hard it is to be unremarkable in the body of a tall,
   lanky, drop-dead hunk of a vampire? I am sincerely convinced that Angel has
   no idea just how gorgeous he is, or he never would have gotten to be so good
   at lurking. Eyes are drawn to him.

   I randomly picked up a strange leather contraption from the clearance bin,
   trying to figure out what it was. It consisted mainly of leather straps
   held together by metal ring joints. I managed to ascertain that the cuffs
   were wrist and ankle bindings but a fifth ring in the center of the device
   left me baffled. Puzzling, I stuck my middle finger through the ring. My
   finger was too small.

   Weird.

   "Can I help you?" an Americanized voice with an oriental accent asked me.
   I turned and blushed, attempting to hide the gizmo I had been fondling from
   sight. An elderly Asian lady smiled at me slightly.

   I blushed harder. "I'd like this, please," I said, simultaneously wishing
   that I could disappear and sink through the floor.

   The lady rang me up. My leather gizmo came to eleven dollars and six
   cents, including tax. I paid and wondered just how red a really pale
   vampire can get.

   "Can I help you with anything else?" she asked.

   "Um... Er... Yes," I managed to squeak. "Do you ever get...er...girls in
   here?"

   She glanced about and dropped her voice. "Are you a cop?" she asked
   directly.

   "Nope, nada." I moved my hands. "No."

   She nodded sagely. "What are you looking for?"

   Oh rosy, rosy vampire cheeks... "Ahh...spanking?" I managed not to
   squeak, a considerable feat considering my absolute and total humiliation.

   "You looking for the entire package?" she asked. I stared at her blankly
   and spread my hands with a shrug. "We offer a Spanking Special. Forty-nine
   ninety-nine includes a half-hour session with the girl and spanking
   implement of your choice. Bondage is optional."

   I blinked. Inanely, I wondered why forty-nine ninety-nine instead of fifty
   dollars even? What about the one cent? "That sounds good," I agreed before
   I could change my mind. If I had thought about what I was soliciting too
   carefully, I would have bolted for the door.

   I paid in cash and she showed me into the back room. There was a bored,
   slutty-looking Asian girl filing her nails. She looked up as we entered.
   "I thought it was 'girl of my choice'?" I asked the madam, still focusing on
   irrelevancies.

   The madam pointed. "She's the girl. You choose her or no spanky-spanky."

   "Oh." I nodded. "Fair enough."

   "Number five," the madam told the girl as she stood. I started. They
   numbered their packages like fast food Value Meals?! "Treat him special.
   This is his first time."

   "Sure thing," she said.

   "Would you like to be bound?" she asked. Oh Goddess, oh Goddess, oh
   Goddess... Please please please please help me!

   "No thanks," I replied. My voice sounded distant and robotic, as if it
   were coming from an automaton. "Un-bound is good." If this woman tried to
   eviscerate me then I wanted my hands free to fight. And my feet free to
   run.

   "K." She pointed to one of those jumpy things from PE (the gymnastic ones
   not the running). I had noticed it when I entered the room but paid it no
   mind. "Bend over and drop your pants," she ordered, walking over to a tall
   cabinet.

   I gulped as she opened the doors to reveal an assortment of spanking
   implements. "Riding crop, paddle, cat-o'-nine-tails, belt..." The list
   went on.

   "Paddle," I decided because it seemed the most innocuous. She turned back
   to me and stared at me impatiently upon discovering my pants up and that I
   had not bent over the horse.

   "You're on the clock," she reminded me, looking peeved. "Disobedience
   earns you extra hard lashes. NOW GET YOUR ASS OVER THERE AND DROP YOUR
   PANTS." Her volume shot up all of the sudden. I leapt to obey without even
   thinking. Before I knew it I was bent over the prop and my alabaster
   vampire butt was bared to the chilly air.

   <WHACK>

   I yelped. Before I knew what hit me, she whacked me again. She cursed me
   and humiliated me and beat my ass for a solid half-hour straight. I wept
   and cried because it hurt. I pleaded with her to stop and she laughed. I
   endured only because it was for the greater good of humanity.

   Angelus got a sadistic kick out of being paddled. He got into S&M. (Big
   shock there.) More than that, he relished every moment of my discomfort and
   humiliation. My pain brought him pleasure.

   Unfortunately, my tormenter was not the killer.

   After a half-hour, we went our separate ways. Neither my pride nor my butt
   was feeling up to another round with the paddle so I caught a cab. It was
   late, close to midnight, when I got home. Wesley and Cordelia had already
   left for the night.

   I made a beeline for the Vamp Cave, where I skulked in a dark corner,
   nursing my tattered pride and my hurt hiney. It did not help matters that
   Angelus sat in the back of our head, tossing out the occasional searing
   insult. His taunts--every single one of them--struck home in my heart. He
   knew exactly what to say to hurt me the most.

   Angelus is one hell of a mean S.O.B.

   It took approximately two hours before the welts faded. I had to twist
   around to look because I did not reflect in the compact I had managed to
   scrounge from Cordy's desk. I searched high and low for a mirror before I
   remembered that it was of no use to me anymore. I was afraid that there
   were splinters in my ass but I had no way to check.

   Angel called close to 2AM. I thought it was a little odd that he would be
   calling me so late. But hey! You can take the soul out of the vampire but
   not the vampire out of the soul! Or something like that...

   We talked. I was too humiliated to admit to my real evening's roster of
   activities. Envision: "Why yes, Angel, while you were attending classes and
   doing my homework, I was soliciting a prostitute to paddle your ass raw."

   Not.

   I cringed at the thought. I do not think mere words can describe the true
   depths of my absolute humiliation and shame over this. It seared my pride
   and dignity to think about what I had just done.

   So I lied and told Angel that I had stayed home with a good book.
   Unfortunately, deception meant that I had to leave off mentioning the
   murders too. (Yes, I know that he will find out sooner or later. Later is
   much better than sooner. The later the better.)

   I helped Angel solve a couple of Calculus problems and he asked for help
   writing a program in C. He agreed to email me the assignment in the morning
   and promised to check in on a regular basis.

   "Are you eating?" he demanded before he hung up. My empty stomach growled
   to remind me again that it was empty. It was loud enough that I was afraid
   Angel might have heard.

   "Did I mention that I met Kate?" I asked to divert him.
   "Iaccindentlytoldherthatyouarekindagay," I confessed in a rush. Then I
   waited for the world to end. Grr...

   Pregnant pause. "Are you eating?" he persisted.

   "Angel?" I said. "Did you hear me? I'm really sorry. I hope I haven't
   messed up your relationship with Kate."

   He exhaled. "Kate and I are just friends, Willow."

   "You're not mad?" I asked, bewilderment bubbling inside of me. He should
   be mad. I had expected him to be mad. Any normal guy would be mad. Xander
   would have kittens if I told a girl he was gay. Maybe Angel is just really
   secure in his masculinity...

   "I'm not mad," he confirmed. Big pause. "Why did you tell her that I was
   gay again?" he queried with the air of someone afraid of the answer but
   compelled to ask anyway.

   "It was an accident," I repeated. "She started talking about things being
   'strictly business' and the next thing I knew I was telling her that she
   wasn't my type and spilling my guts about Oz. So now she thinks that you're
   gay. I'msoooosorry."

   Angel harrumphed. It was almost too quiet, but I barely managed to hear
   him. "That's OK," he dismissed casually again. "Adds to the mystery."

   My mind boggled. In his oblique, non-confirming or denying way, Angel was
   validating my secret suspicion that he *was* g...er, bisexual. OMIGOD!
   ANGEL IS A POOF!

   Bad Willow Bad! Angel's sexual orientation is none of my business. (Well,
   other than for the fact that I currently occupy his body.)

   Gee, I wonder what it would be like to have sex in...

   BAD WILLOW BAD!!!!!

   "Have you been eating?" Pit-bull Angel demanded as he relentlessly returned
   to the original subject of avoidance.

   "Yes," I lied weakly.

   "Willow," he commanded sternly. "Walk over to the refrigerator and eat
   something right now or I'm on the next bus back to LA."

   "All right, all right," I complained petulantly. "I'm not a child," I
   pouted. "You don't have to yell."

   I'm not yelling." Really, his voice had not risen at all but Angel is
   capable of speaking volumes with a tone.

   "I'm opening the door now," I said, doing so. "And eww!" I grimaced as a
   foul odor hit my nose.

   "Eww?" Angel repeated, requesting clarification.

   "Eww, it's gone bad!"

   He sighed. "Well that happens after a couple days. You haven't been
   eating and reordering like I showed you, have you?"

   There was no point in lying. "No," I admitted, "but I meant to."

   "Willow..." Exasperation, consternation, and frustration...

   "I'll stop and get some fresh blood tonight," I promised promptly. My
   empty stomach had begun to rumble insistently at the thought of fresh blood.
   I was starving.

   "You promise?" he asked.

   "Yes, I promise." Really, I had no choice. Angel was right. I needed to
   eat. I was taking too big a chance of either losing a fight or control to
   the demon or both if I let myself grow weak.

   Satisfied, Angel bid me goodbye and hung up. Sadly, I returned the phone
   to its cradle and went off in search of a red liquid meal. Woe is me. I
   suck. Literally.

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