This fic was inspired by the songs: 'Virgin state of mind' by K's Choice and 'No leaf clover' by Metallica
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Willow's POV
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I was told once that the truth hurts. I didn't believe
it then. I mean, the
truth is supposed to be the one thing that will
set us free. The only way to
receive our redemption. How wrong I was. The only
thing the truth can bring
is pain. I wish that I would only have known lies,
then maybe this would not
hurt so much. I know now that we will have to kill
an innocent soul. The
innocent soul of a friend, and there is nothing
I can do to stop it.
It feels strange being like this. just floating
around and... ok, so floating is
not the word I was looking for, anyway, it feels
strange. I remember when I
first 'woke up'. There beside me was Xander, talking
about all the times we
had gone through. Telling me to fight, to come back
to him. Little did he
know that I actually heard what he said. Oh, and
when I watched Buffy and
Spike make a truce. God that was funny! They couldn't
even do that without
trading insults.
Hm, this is strange. First time I'm not feeling
any longing to wake up and help
them. Very strange indeed. I guess prolonged unconsciousness
does that to
you. Oh well, that doesn't matter.
The point, yes, I'm getting there. Buffy is about
to leave to slay Angelus. I
guess should wake up and tell her that there is
still time to bring back Angel.
But she should be smart enough to figure that out
herself.
Wait a minute! Since when did I become so horrible?
note: head trauma
causes mood swings. Got to remember to tell that
to the doctors.
Time to pull myself together and wake up so we can
save the world. Again.
How was I supposed to call that guy again? Oh, now
I remember.
"Kellium, protector of choices I call. My mind is
made, time for me to tell. So
come to me as I Thee call."
There he is. Still looks funny. Can you imagine how
someone who isn't human
but is trying to look like one looks? Don't answer
that 'cause you can't.
"You called child." he said, stating the obvious.
I guess being in dream land all
the time has messed with his mind.
"Yup. I've made my decision."
"And it is?"
"I want to go home." At his quizzical look I continue
"Home to my friends. I
want to wake up."
"So mote it be." Is all he says and then I see a
blinding light followed by
nothing.
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Willow's POV
------------
My head hurts. That's the only thing I can feel
right now. When I open my
eyes I notice that it's night. No lights are on.
But then, what's that in the
corner? Oh my God... That's a... that's a vampire.
And not just any vampire,
but I think it's Angelus. What does he want? Geez,
I must still be
experiencing head trauma since it's obvious that
he's here to kill me. But
wait, there's something I should be remembering.
I just know it. Oh yeah, now I remember. Kellium
told me about this. I'm
seeing the past. God, I wish I'd make it to current
time already. But wait!
This gives me the perfect time to think out a plan.
I need someone to help
me.
Who could I ask? Aha! Got it. Um, someone is talking
to me, I think it's
Xander. Geez, my head hurts even more, I can't
tell what he's saying. Who
was I supposed to ask to help me?
"Oz..." It comes out as a whisper.
"I'm here."
I can hear Xander talking to him. " She's just starting
to wake up."
Oz takes my hand and leans closer. The pain is so
big, I keep my eyes
closed.
"Hey, baby." I hear him say to me.
"Hi."
"I'm gonna go get a doctor." Xander says and leaves
us alone.
-----------------------------------
I'm talking with Buffy on the phone when Oz brings
me a bowl of Jell-O. I
smile at him and continue talking.
"I'm okay, Buffy, really. I mean, I don't feel good,
but... I'm awake, and I
know my name and who's President and how many fingers,
so they don't
think my brain got mushed at all."
"Thank God. So sorry I can't be there."
"I know. I'm sorry I didn't get to cure Angel."
"Don't be. It just wasn't meant to be. I know I'm
never gonna get him back
the way he was. It just makes it easier."
Something is nagging at my memory with this statement.
"I guess. Any luck
finding Giles?"
"Yep. I got a lucky break."
"What?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." She sounds
like she doesn't believe it
herself. "I need to talk to Xander about something."
"ok. Xander, Buffy wants to talk to you." They start
talking and I listen in
every once in a while. Ok, so the whole time.
"On Crawford Street. Sure. That makes sense. What's the drill?"
"You'll need backup." I wonder what they're talking
about, mmm... this Jell-o
is... Jell-Owy.
"Do you, um... do you think Giles is still alive?"
Whatever happened to Giles?
--------------------------
After Xander told us Buffy's intention, I made up
my mind and did announce
that I was going to try the curse again. It wasn't
easy but after some
arguing, and a few fashion comments from Cordelia,
I had won. I sent Cordy
and Oz to get my things and Xander to advise Buffy
-----------
Buffy's POV
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This is it. I'm finally going to do it. I'm going
to kill Angel... I mean Angelus,
today. Please God, give me the strength to do this.
Giles! That's it, I have to
focus on getting Giles out.
Suddenly something comes running out of the bushes.
I drop to a defensive
stance and notice that it's Xander.
After some talking I let him go with me, cuz I'll
need help to get Giles out. But
that’s all he’s going to do, at least he understands
that. I’m already
concentrating on the upcoming fight so I almost
miss it when Xander stops to
say something to me.
"Willow. Uh, she told me to tell you..."
"Tell me what?" C'mon Xander, we're in a hurry.
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Willow's POV
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"Are we ready?"
"Stinky herbs are a go." Cordelia says.
"Did I mention I didn't take Latin?" Oz is worried. But who wouldn't be.
"Y-you don't have to understand it. You just have
to say it. I hope." I try to
sound reassuring.
"Right." I get the feeling that he doesn't completely believe me.
-------------------------
I cast the stones and send I a silent prayer to whoever
might be listening. I
give Oz his cue.
"Quod perditum est, in venietur." Latin can be tricky sometimes.
Here goes nothing. "Not dead... nor not of the living.
Spirits of the
interregnum, I call."
"Gods, bind him. Cast his heart from the... evil...
realm." I'm starting to feel
dizzy. Something isn't right. "Return. I call
on..."
"Willow?" Now Oz is definitely worried.
The last thing I hear before everything goes dark,
is Cordelia "Are you okay?"
------------
Willow's POV
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'I shall confront and expel all evil... out of marrow
and bone - out of house
and home - never to come here again.'
'I will drink... the blood will wash in me, over
me, and I will be cleansed. I will
be worthy to free Acathla. Bear witness as i ascend.
As I become.'
'Nici mort nici all flicentei
Te invoc, spirit altrecerii
Reda trupului ce separa omul de animal
Cu ajutorul acestui magic glob de cristal.'
I'm in what looks like a forest. I can hear people
chanting around me. God, I
wish they would stop.
'Quod preditum est, in venietur. (What was lost, shall be found)'
That last chant came from right behind me, I turn
to see who, but there is no
one there.
What's that? It sounds like... Someone is crying.
There, behind those trees.
It looks like... Oh my God, it is! It's Angel! He's...
he's sobbing? I wonder
why? There's only one way to find out. As I get
closer to the figure lying on a
heap on the floor I call out to him.
"Angel? Is that you?" I ask.
The sobbing lessens, I think he's heard me. I'm
almost beside him now.
"W-willow? Is it.. Is it really you?" He sounds scared.
And like he doesn't
believe it's really me.
"Yes Angel. It's me." I reach out to touch him.
"No! Don't touch..." The rest of his sentence is
cut of as a blinding pain hits
me. I fall to the ground beside him as images roll
through my mind. A small
boy playing in a field... The same boy, but older,
getting caught kissing... A
young man playing with what seems to be a younger
sister... The same man
in a bar with friends... Darla... The man, Angelus,
killing his family...
I scream, the pain to much for me to bear. And then
something is calling to
me. It sounds scared.
"Willow? What's wrong? Please wake up little one.
Please." I think it's Angel,
the one I know, not this monster I can see, that
is calling to me. I need to
wake up. I have to fight these images, or I might
drown in them. Slowly I
open my eyes, and find a very worried and teary
eyed Angel holding me. I
stiffen immediately, memories of Angelus flooding
my brain. Angel notices and
lets go of my.
"I'm sorry. I really shouldn't have..." he starts to apologise, new tears falling.
"No... It's ok. I'm just a little shaky." I smile
at him and note with happiness
that he returns my smile with a small one of his
own, the tears now gone.
"What happened just now? And, I don't want to be
rude, but what are you
doing here?" he asks tentatively I start laughing
and he gives me a strange
look. I immediately try to quiet down, and it works
to some degree.
"I'm sorry. It's just that you sounded so... I don't know... funny."
"Funny That's good, I've been called worse things... "
Then I notice that something is different with him.
He's... Oh dear.
"Angel your breathing!" I grab he's hand without
caring about the images,
which luckily stay away. "And... your warm! And
you have a pulse!"
Now it's his turn to laugh. Full out laughter. Oh
my... He looks gorgeous when
he laughs. Bad Willow! He's your friend and your
best friends boyfriend. I let
go of his hand.
When he calms down after a while, I look at
him expectedly and he clears his
throat.
"Yes Willow. I'm human here. Well, not exactly human,
more of human soul
reflecting humanity."
I nod my head. Of course, it makes perfect sense.
And then it hits me. I'm
talking to Angels soul. His soul! The thing that
makes him, well him! He
notices my look and starts laughing again. I stare
at his mouth and suddenly
wonder what it would feel like to kiss him. Bad,
bad Willow! No more thoughts
like that! He's looking at me, I must be as red
as a tomato. How
embarrassing. He clears his throat again. The seriousness
of the situation
coming back to us.
"Willow, why are you here? Not that I'm not enjoying
the company." The
sadness is back in his eyes. I stare at them for
a moment before realising
that I should answer.
"I don't really know. I was doing the restoration
spell when I felt something
pull my away and 'poff', here I am."
"The soul restoration spell?"
"Yes, I was told in my coma that I could do it again."
"You were in a coma? Little one, you shouldn't be
doing this spell."
I look at him with an astonished look. How could
he mean that?
"You must feel weak. That's big magik Willow, you
shouldn't be doing it at all."
I feel tears come to my eyes. Why is he saying this?
"Well who do you think should do it? Miss Calendar
is dead and..." at the hurt
look I immediately regret saying that. He starts
to pull away from me, trying
to hide his tears. No, not now! I wont let this
happen. I grab his arm and pull
him down again. I crawl into his lap and put my
arms around his neck, holding
him as he tries to get away. Finally he stops, and
begins to cry. I make those
soothing sounds that always seem to help, letting
him know I'm there. His
arms go around my back and he holds on to me to
what seems to be by life.
After long moments of crying together, we finally
brake apart. I start to dry
away my tears with my hand but Angel beats me to
it. Gently his thumbs
sweep away my tears.
"You're too beautiful to cry little one." I hear
his soft words and feel like
crying again. He's stuck here and has been for god
knows how long and he's
concerned about me crying?!? Wait, that's not what
he said. I look up into
his eyes and see something different there. before
I have time to analyse it,
he pulls back and is all buisness again.
"I mean it Willow," not little one I notice. "you
shouldn't be messing with this
kind of magik. B-buffy..." touchy subject "Buffy
should just stake me."
"Are you serious?!? Why?"
"'Why?' I'm a killer, that's why."
"How many times do I have to say this, you're not the killer, the demon is."
"There is no difference between demon and soul."
"Oh yeah? Then where is the demon? Not here with
the soul anyway."
That got him quiet. Now he's just sitting there
with a concentrated look on
his face. He knows I'm right!
"You have a point. He's not here is he?"
"No he's not. But he -is- on earth. And that's why
I need to go back and get
-you- back." I notice that he's about to protest
and push on "Yes, you're
coming back. I... We need you." damn, I slipped,
but he doesn't seem to
have noticed. "And we both know that Buffy won't
be able to stake Angelus."
He nods. Yes! Progress! Finally! I feel the urge
to do a happy dance.
"You have a point. Again. But, how do you plan on
getting out of here?"
My face falls. I have no idea how to get out.
"I...I don't know. I don't even know how I got here
in the first place."
I must have some sort of sad look, because I soon
find myself in his arms
again. And for the umpteenth time I start to cry.
I have no idea how to get
out.
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*
We have been trying to figure out a way to get me
home for what seems like
hours. No such luck. And this whole night theme
that this forest seems to be
keeping is really starting to bug me. I've been
pacing for
who-knows-how-long already. Suddenly someone grabs
my hand and I jump
in fright.
"Sorry." Angel says but I can see that he doesn't
mean it. The gleam in his
eyes gives him away. But right now, I'm to frustrated
to comment on that.
"What are we going to do?" my voice sounds desperate even to me.
"I don't know."
Suddenly an idea forms. "Wait, I have an idea. When
I first got here and saw
you crying, well, when I touched you, you told me
not to. Why?"
I can see that he's trying to remember. "I-I was
re-living my past. I always
did that before you came." He gets sad again and
I pull him into a hug.
"Well what if, what if I need to go through those
memories to get back."
he pulls away from me, but doesn't let go.
"No. I will not let you go through that. There has
to be another way."
Oh boy, this is going to take some work. I put on
my resolve face and brace
myself for his refusal.
"Angel listen to me. We've tried everything else.
This is the only thing that
makes sense. See, resolve face."
A glint of laughter enters his eyes before it's
replaced by determination.
"No." Argh! Men!
"I already saw some of it. Angel please." I plead
with him. Is that...? Yes, I
think it is. He's going to go for it.
"Ok. But I don't like it." A smile makes it's way
to my lips and I once again hug
him.
"Thank you Angel. I know this is the way."
We go back to the clearing and sit down. Angel takes
hold of my hand and
looks me straight in the eye.
"This isn't going to be pretty. There is still time
to change you're mind." He is
looking at me, hoping to change my mind. I tear
my gaze away from his
before I drown in them.
"No. Let's do it. I'm ready." A look at him again
and he nods, then closes his
eyes. I follow his example and close mine. The exact
second I'm bombarded
with images. Images of cruelty beyond any nightmare.
-----------
Angel's POV
-----------
As the images of my past deeds flow in my mind, I
open my eyes to look at
Willow. Her eyes are tightly closed and tears are
falling down her cheeks. She
is holding my hand in an iron grip. Like it was
her lifeline. I suppose that in
some ways it is. I hear her whimper at a certain
painful memory about
Drusilla. Why did I let her do this? What was I
thinking.
After what seems like forever it ends. 200 years
of unlife seen trough the
eyes of a seventeen year old. I wonder how she feels
about me now? Is she
repulsed by me? Probably. I'll just have to wait
and see, although she still
hasn't let go of my hand which I take it is a good
sign.
I see her eyelids flutter and a moment later find
myself looking at beautiful
green eyes. The tears are still flowing.
"Oh Angel..." she sounds sad. "I never knew. I'm
so sorry." Then suddenly she
has her arms around me, hugging me like there is
no tomorrow. Tears of relief
gather in my eyes. She doesn't hate me.
After a while we pull apart and dry our tears.
"I'm still here." she says in a small voice. "It
didn't work."
"I'm sorry little one. I'm sorry it didn't work.
I'm sorry that you had to see
that. And I'm so sorry for everything I've done
to you."
"It's ok Angel. I forgive you." She knew exactly
what I needed. The most
honoured gift of all, forgiveness. But wait, what's
happening?
"Willow... You're glowing." She looks at herself, then back at me and smiles.
"It's working Angel! It's working!" She hugs me one
last time and gives me a
small, hesitant kiss on the cheek. "See you soon.",
then she's gone. And I'm
alone once again.
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Willow's POV
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"Te implor Doamne, nu ignora accasta rugaminte! Lasa
orbita sa fie vasul
care-i va transporta sufletul la el!
Este scris, aceasta putere este dreptul poporuil
meu de a conduce... A sa fie!
A sa fie! Acum! Acum!" I look around me blankly.
I'm back... And it worked!
The spell worked, I know it!
------------------------------
"Willow, are you sure you should be out of bed?"
Giles asks as we meet him at
school.
"Look who's talking." I say and smile at him.
"Yes." He returns my smile.
"Any word?" Cordelia asks.
"You guys haven't seen her either?" Xander sounds... sad.
"No." I miss her.
"But we know the world didn't end, 'cause... check
it
out." And I for one don't think this is Hell.
"Well, we, uh... we went back to the mansion. I-it
was empty, um... and
Acathla was, was... dormant." But no Buffy. Or Angel.
"I think the spell worked. I felt something go through me." trust me already.
"Plus the Orb did that cool glow thing." a Cordelia
comment that makes
sense. I'm shocked.
"Well, maybe it wasn't in time. Maybe she had to
kill him before the cure
could work." Xander is as positive as ever.
"Well, then, she'd wanna be alone, I guess." Oz points out.
"Or maybe Angel *was* saved, and they want to be
alone together." He was.
I just know it. I can feel it, the soul is back
in control.
"Perhaps." Giles doesn't sound convinced.
"Well, she's gotta show up sooner or later. We still
have school." Cordelia
logic. Which actually makes sense. Again.
"Yeah. She'll be here in a while." with Angel, my
friend. But how can I go
back to pretending that I'm just a friend when I
know that I feel so much
more? I can pretend to the others but not myself,
he's not just a
friend....something inside of me rejoices with the
memories of his kind soul
The End.