Parts: 31 - 34
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 31~
"You look like shit!"
"Thanks, Delia. Love you too," Willow muttered as she sat down and took a drink of coffee. "Ah, caffeine. What would I do without you?"
"What happened?" Cordelia demanded, putting the file on her desk and moving to sit beside the redhead. "You look like you didn't sleep at all and now you're talking to your coffee."
"I didn't sleep," Willow admitted, with a yawn. "Was too busy thinking."
"About?" Cordelia prompted, deciding that if Willow didn't start talking soon, she'd scream.
"Angel," Willow said, "and Mac."
"Mac? That's the guy from yesterday? What were you thinking about?" Cordelia wanted to know.
"Angel kissed me last night," Willow whispered as she looked into her cup.
"He didn't!" Cordelia squealed before she lowered her voice and said, "I can't believe he finally kissed you. How was it?"
"It was unbelievable," Willow said truthfully, giving Cordelia a wry smile, "everything I've always imagined....I didn't really want him to stop with just the kiss."
"Hot damn," Cordelia smiled before she frowned, "you said you were thinking about Mac too. I thought you loved Angel."
"I do," Willow nodded, "but I liked Mac. Now do you understand why I couldn't sleep? I love Angel, I really do, but I felt something for Mac, too. He's special, Delia. I can't even explain it because I don't understand it, and now I don't know what to do. I talked to Buffy last night and she said some things that really made me think and I'm even more confused."
"What did she say about you and Angel?" Cordelia asked, knowing that she'd never been fond of the slayer but acknowledging that the blonde cared about Willow and thus couldn't be all that bad.
"She was happy about it," Willow sighed, "but she was sad because she realized I wouldn't be going home if something did happen and then I got sad because I love Buffy and the others and hate thinking about not being with them, but I also know that I like being here too and I don't know anymore. She suggested that I date both of them until I figure out which one makes me happy, not rushing into anything until I'm positive about my choice."
"That's actually good advice," Cordelia said with surprise. "But, you love Angel. I can't think that you're suddenly going to stop loving him. You hardly know this Mac guy and, sure there is some kind of pull between you, but is it worth risking losing Angel to see if you could love Mac?"
"I don't want to lose Angel," Willow made a face, "but I also don't want to forget Mac just because something is starting to happen between me and Angel. I know that makes me a horrible and selfish person, to want to date them both, but I do. I want to get to know Mac, become his friend and see what happens. I'd also like to get to know Angel on a more personal level. We've been friends but we've never dated or anything. I love him, I really do, but it would be nice to move slowly from the friendship thing to the something more than friendship thing."
"Willow, it sounds like you're just setting yourself up for heartbreak," Cordelia said truthfully, "I mean, dating a man that you love and another man that you think you could love....that's a recipe for disaster. In the end, you'll have to choose one or the other and I just hate the idea of seeing you hurt."
"Cor, you're right. I know you're right," Willow said, pointing to her head, "in here...but in here," her hand moved to cover her heart, "I just feel like this is the right choice. Besides, who knows? Mac could end up becoming a great friend and nothing more. I mean, I've only just met him and don't really know all that much about him anyway. I just don't want to find myself wondering in a few years what might have been....I'm young, I can date two guys without setting myself up for hurt. I don't want any regrets."
"And do you think Angel is going to want to date you while you're dating some other guy? I mean, Willow, he really does love you. I talked to him yesterday about it and I could see how deeply he cares about you. He's my best friend and I don't want to see him hurt anymore than I want to see you hurt," Cordelia said, hating that she didn't have any definite solution for Willow. In a way, she could see the redhead's point about not wanting any regrets later, but she also didn't want two of the only people she cared about getting hurt.
"If he is against the idea," Willow decided, "I'll call Mac and tell him that I had fun but that I'm involved with someone else. I love Angel, Cordelia, and my wish to get to know Mac better doesn't change that. I wish Angel had decided to kiss me senseless a few days ago, *before* I went out with Mac! It would have made my life so much easier!"
"You're crazy," Cordelia said, shaking her head and finally laughing, "but I love you anyway."
"I feel like I *am* going crazy these last few days," Willow said with a smile, glad that she had at least realized that she loved Angel and didn't want to lose him. That made things a little less complicated, though she knew that she was attracted to Mac, too, and that it was all just too confusing. Pushing her problems out of her head for the time being, she looked at Cordelia and asked, "So, tell me about Mark. How's everything going between you two?"
The girls settled back on the sofa as they started talking, Cordelia giving the redhead every detail of her date with Mark. Neither girl noticed Angel on the stairs, a thoughtful expression in his eyes as he went back to his room, thinking about everything he had heard Willow telling Cordelia. He'd not meant to eavesdrop, but hadn't been able to interrupt them when he'd heard Willow talking about the kiss that had kept him awake most the night. He wasn't sure if he could be strong enough to give her what she wanted. He didn't want to risk losing her to another man, but he also didn't like the idea of her ever having regrets about choosing him. She loved him, of that he no longer had any doubts. He didn't want to drive her away by being too possessive or holding on too tight. He'd let her make her own decisions, let her get to know the human if she wanted to, make sure that she would never have to wonder what might have been as she put it to Cordelia. Thinking about sharing her with another man made him frown, made him sincerely hope that it wouldn't be long before she decided that any kind of connection with that Mac guy was just her imagination, made him wonder just how long he'd be able to control his jealousy and natural possessiveness. It wouldn't be a lot of fun, but, for Willow, he was willing to give it a try...for a while at least. He laid on his bed, a small smile crossing his face as he realized just how lucky he truly was. Willow loved him.
~Part: 32~
"Good afternoon, girls," Angel said as he entered the lobby of the hotel, a smile on his handsome face.
"Girls? I don't see any girls around here. Women, yes, but not girls," Cordelia corrected the vampire as her dark eyes darted between him and Willow.
"I stand corrected," Angel rolled his eyes, his smile softening as he looked at Willow. "What are you working on?"
"The triaakan demon," Willow told him, looking into his eyes for the first time since he'd kissed her and left her confused and uncertain the previous evening. She saw lust and affection burning in their chocolate brown depths, wondering if she'd been blind to never notice his feelings for her before. Why couldn't she have seen it before she'd gone out with Mac? Things were just too complicated.
"Find anything promising?" Angel asked as he took a seat on the sofa next to Willow, looking over her shoulder to see what she was reading. He'd done a lot of thinking over the last couple of hours, since he'd overheard her conversation with Cordelia.
He knew that he had feelings for Willow, he also knew that he wasn't very good at sharing. Okay, so he'd shared Drusilla with Spike for several decades, but that was because Drusilla drove him batty when it was just the two of them, because Spike had loved Drusilla in a way that he had to admire, and because he'd wanted Spike in his bed, too. It was a bit selfish, but it had still been sharing. He'd gotten pretty good at it, then, but it hadn't been nearly as easy when he'd lost his soul a few years before.
He didn't know how well he'd be at sharing Willow with some human she'd just met....of sitting back and letting her date someone else even as she spoke words of love for him. He could understand what she was feeling and that was the main reason he was willing to try to work with the situation. They needed to talk, though. He'd kissed her last night, hadn't wanted to stop kissing her, and he needed to tell her what he was feeling, to have her tell him what she had told Cordelia.
"Nothing much," Willow said as she looked at the book that was open in front of her. He was sitting so close, she could smell the scent of shampoo and soap, knew he must have just taken a shower. God, she so didn't need to think about Angel naked in a shower right now.
"Wesley called and said that he and Gunn are going to do some scouting," Cordelia said with a smile, wondering if they had any idea how heated the attraction between was. She could practically feel the desire, see the chemistry, and it was kind of fun to sit back and watch.
"They're checking the Valley," Willow told Angel as she closed the book and turned towards him, "and Wesley mentioned doing a sweep down south if there was time. They'll be back here later tonight to report."
"Good," Angel nodded, "I did some sweeps around here last night but didn't see or hear anything unusual."
"I've been checking some local posting boards of the demon variety and there hasn't been any mention of a Triaakan demon," Willow sighed.
"They have posting boards for demons?" Cordelia looked at Willow with surprise.
"They're a bit difficult to find, but, yes, they have their own boards," Willow smiled. "Guess even the demons realize how convenient the internet can be."
"I'm getting an image of that Shriutok demon that we fought senior year sitting over a computer and typing in an instant message," Cordelia began to laugh, seeing the look of recognition in her friends' eyes.
"That was the big slobbering demon that had the horns and the long fingers, wasn't it?" Willow asked with a smile, shaking her head, "That slobber would so not be good for a computer. Anyway, none of my contacts have heard of a Triaakan arriving in LA and they have no idea where he might stay if he were in town. If anyone does hear anything, they said they'd let me know. Until then, I guess we're going to have to continue the sweeps and keep our eyes and ears open for anything unusual."
"Angel, I wish that your source had given us an address," Cordelia complained, "it would have saved us a lot of time. I mean, we got that nifty file with color coded stickers, why couldn't there had been an address?"
"I'm assuming that the information wasn't available," Angel rolled his eyes, though he had to admit that Cordelia had a point. If Lindsey had a file on the demon, wouldn't it be logical that they'd have a current location, especially if Wolfram and Hart was keeping an eye on the demon. He might have to break down and call the arrogant little bastard to see if he could get the information to save them time in destroying the demon. He watched Cordelia make a face as Willow smiled at the brunette.
~Part: 33~
"We'll find it," Willow said with more confidence than she actually had. One thing she'd learned since arriving in LA was that the city was huge, stretching out miles and miles in every direction and blending suburb to suburb. Since the triaakan didn't like water, that at least ruled out the coast. She smiled at them as she added, "Someday."
"If we aren't any closer to finding it by tomorrow evening, I'll contact my source and see if there is anything new," Angel decided.
"That's a good idea," Willow smiled at him before looking back at the books that were covering the coffee table and sighing as she picked up another one and opened it to the index, her green eyes searching the 'T' section.
"I don't think there's anything in these books to help us," Cordelia said as she closed another book and tossed it on the table.
"Yeah, they're a waste of time," Willow agreed, "they only tell us things that we already knew. I think we need a break."
"Great idea," Cordelia beamed as she got to her feet, "I'm going to call Mark and see if he wants to stop by and get some lunch. I might even let him finally meet you, Angel."
"Lucky me," Angel had to smile at Cordelia's enthusiasm. He had been greatly relieved to hear that Mark was dating her instead of Willow and he had to admit that he was glad to see her so happy. She had become one of his best friends over the last years and he really did want to see her happy. If this Mark made her smile like that, well, he must not be that bad. He looked at Willow and asked, "Are you hungry?"
"Yeah, lunch might be nice," Willow said, "I think I'll make a sandwich or something. You want anything?"
"Why don't you order a pizza or something?" Angel suggested, "Cordelia's guy can come by and eat with us."
"That's a great idea," Cordelia smiled as she moved to pick up the phone. "I'll call him now and tell him he's invited for lunch."
"That was sweet," Willow whispered to Angel, a smile on her face.
"What?" he asked with an innocent expression.
"Inviting Mark to have lunch here. He really is a nice guy and he's good for Delia," Willow said.
"I figured I better meet him and make sure his intentions are honorable," Angel said with an evil laugh.
"You'd better not scare him," Willow warned with a laugh.
"Scare him? Me?" Angel again gave her his most innocent expression though it was ruined by the wicked gleam in his eyes.
The wicked gleam and smile made her forget what they were talking about. She looked away from him to watch Cordelia take a seat, a large smile on her face. "I'm assuming that Mark was free for lunch."
"He's on his way," Cordelia giggled before her eyes widened and she groaned, "oh my God. I just giggled. I haven't giggled about a guy since high school. This is terrible!"
"It's cute," Willow smirked, laughing when the former cheerleader stuck her tongue out at her. She leaned back and stretched, not aware of Angel's eyes watching the movement or the desire that flashed in his dark eyes as he watched her. She smiled as she listened to Cordelia warning Angel to be nice to Mark, wondering if Mark had any idea just what he was getting into by dating Cordelia. Remembering the looks the two had exchanged on their first date, she realized that he'd probably think that being with Cordelia was worth the trouble.
~Part: 34~
It was Sunday afternoon and he was at the office. Lindsey sighed, running a hand over his face before looking at the files that were laid out in front of him. Yesterday was the first real day off he'd taken since starting work with the firm during his final years of law school. His typical weekend consisted of reviewing cases, making notes for the upcoming week, meeting with clients or attending functions that would further his career, and generally anything else he could find to do that would make the partners notice him and insure his position as the best associate at Wolfram and Hart.
The previous day was the first time that he'd just enjoyed himself without worrying about his career or his job. From the moment he had seen Willow at the diner to the soft kiss last night, all he had cared about was getting to know her better. His brief conversation with Claire wasn't necessarily work related since his thoughts at the time had been on Willow and how she made him feel. He didn't understand the effect that she had on him. Looking into her green eyes, he found himself wishing that he was the struggling artist that she believed him to be. He wanted to protect her, to be there to hold her as she realized how cruel the real world was. He didn't want her to lose her optimism, to see her lose that innocent belief that there was good in people, to watch her smile fade as she realized that evil existed.
He realized how ironic it was since he was one of those evil creatures that he wanted to protect her from. He had done things in his life that he wasn't proud of, things that had gotten the partners to notice him and put him on the fast track, but that didn't help him sleep better at night. He'd never really questioned his actions, convincing himself that the world was a tough place and that you had to do what you had to do to survive. That argument hadn't held up nearly as well after he met Angel. He'd started to have doubts, started to realize that he was as bad as his clients, if not worse.
He didn't have a demon yet he was as evil as many of them were. Not all of his clients were monsters, but he hadn't earned his reputation as the best lawyer at Wolfram and Hart by representing those few. He had known what he had become in the back of his mind, but he'd chosen to ignore that knowledge. After meeting Angel, he'd no longer been able to ignore it. The pompous vampire made sure to tell him what a monster he truly was every time that they met.
Angel was a bastard, but he was also right. Lindsey had seen that, had known the truth in the vampire's words, and that was when his world had started to fall apart. He'd realized that he wasn't happy, that he was not content, that he wasn't cut out to be an uncaring monster. He'd wanted to turn his back on everything, to just leave and start over and forget what he had done, what he had become. He had nearly done it, nearly gotten himself out, but he'd been sucked back in. What was he without Wolfram and Hart? He liked the power, liked winning, liked his fancy car and nice apartment and expensive suits. Angel had tried to save his soul, but it was too late. He wasn't salvageable.
Or so he had thought. Then he'd met a green eyed beauty that made him feel things he'd never felt before. What the hell was he thinking? He'd only spent a day with her, didn't really know that much about her. He couldn't seriously believe that she would ever want him once she knew the truth about what he was, about what he had done. She deserved far more than he could ever give her. He knew he should forget her, bury himself in work until she became a distant memory, a memory that would make him smile and wonder what might have been, but he couldn't.
She was all he could think about. Wanting to see her again, to learn everything about her, to have her look at him with love in her beautiful eyes. He couldn't have a relationship with her, couldn't keep up the pretense, the lie, that he was Mac, an artist. He wanted her to love him, Lindsey MacDonald, lawyer, monster, painter. He didn't want secrets between them, but he couldn't tell her the truth. He didn't want his world anywhere near her, not wanting his reality to corrupt her. He should just forget her.
Lindsey closed his eyes, knowing that wasn't an option. It was the ideal solution, certainly. He could protect her from the knowledge of what he really was, of the evil things he had done, of the reality of what lurked in the shadows. She'd move on easily. It had only been one date, after all, and not even really a date in many ways. She'd return home with pleasant memories of spending a day in LA with a painter, and he'd have the memory of her smile and the way she tasted during their brief kiss to keep him company during the night. He couldn't do that, though. He was a selfish bastard and, God help him, he didn't want to let her go. There was something between them, an attraction, a connection, something that made him want to be a better person. He wanted her to be proud of him, to know the truth about his life and still want to be with him.
Hell, he'd been home less than an hour when he'd changed the voice mail on his cell phone to a rather vague 'leave a message' with no names just so she could call him without finding out the truth. He knew he would tell her everything, well, at least the part about being a lawyer since he somehow doubted the part about monsters and demons being real would go over too well. He didn't know when he'd tell her, and a part of him wondered if he honestly would or if he'd just let her believe he was a painter named Mac, and he didn't know the answer to that internal debate.
Lindsey sighed as he stood. He wasn't getting anything accomplished at the moment so he decided to just go home. He closed the files and stacked them before turning off his desk lamp. The office was empty today, most of the associates having been in Saturday like Lindsey usually was. He was the only one that came in on Sunday, though, Lilah even taking the one day off. He was a constant presence at the firm and he could just imagine the whispers that had gone on yesterday when he hadn't shown up at all. Since it was the first day in years that he hadn't shown up, even for a short time, it was definitely something they would notice. If asked, he was planning on shrugging it off with an excuse about being too ill to come in and that he'd just done some work at home. It was believable and would stop the talk before it reached the partners. He knew that he had technically had weekends off unless there was an important case or a function that he was forced to attend, but it was very important to the firm that their promising associates, of which he was the top of the list, made the their jobs their number one priority. They had given him a second chance following his alliance with Angel and he had no desire to make them regret that choice.
Lindsey nodded to the security guard as he left, noticing that the man was watching a small TV instead of the cameras. He rolled his eyes, wondering how the partners would like the fact that their security guard was caught up in a beauty pageant of some sort of paying attention to the building. He found it rather amusing, he decided as he made his way to his car. He sat down, the scent of Willow still occupying the small space. He inhaled deeply, a small smile crossing his face as he relaxed, his hand removing his tie and tossing it into the back-seat before he turned on the car. He left the garage, turning left to heard towards Paradise. He had a painting to pick up, his smile growing as he imagined Willow's reaction to his gift. He hoped she was pleased, liking the idea of making her happy. He began to sing along with the radio as he drove, his mind on the captivating redhead that had somehow stolen his heart during the course of their day together.
next