Rating: PGSummary: Angel and Willow do some thinking.Disclaimer: They don’t belong to me. If Spike was in the story, he would be mine though…3D) Song belongs to a1 ( I think) on ‘The A-List’ album….track 9. She Doesn’t See Me. No copyright infringement intended.
Spoilers: None...don't worry...or rage...whichever
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Angel stood in the shadows, doing what he did best – lurking. It was a Wednesday night in L.A and Cordelia had cried rebellion and walked out of the office to go on some date. Left with no case to handle, and no one to talk to, Angel had left the office shortly after. Business was slow these days…
But home seemed very uninviting at this early hour. It was empty and cold. So he had decided to go to a club in the downtown area and watch the throngs of humanity around him, and have some good guilt submersion time which everyone enjoyed depriving him of.
Angel never expected to see her though. His mind reeled as he caught sight of her moving slowly to the rhythm, a seemingly separate entity from the rest of the people, and yet one and the same. He had however, forced himself to stay in the shadows, consigning himself to watch over her.
As he watched her, he could feel the pent up and what he had hoped, forgotten feelings welling up in him. But clearly, the latter hope was impossible.
When she passes
me by, she’s a ray of light
Like the first
drop of sun from the sky
And I know she’s
a queen who deserves a king
But I’m not a
king
And she doesn’t
see me
He innocence shone through like a beacon in the night. Her entire face was aglow as she laughed with some girl on the floor whom she was dancing with. Angel’s eyes narrowed as he watched the way they touched each other…were they lovers?
When she dances,
she moves me to a smile
I see everything
near her shine
There is a grace
in her ways I can’t contain
I don’t have
that grace
She doesn’t see
me
The two girls kissed. That answered his question, Angel thought, shaking his head. What happened to the wolf?
His hungry eyes continued watching her every move, his mind ordering him to stand up and leave while his heart coaxing him to go forward and show himself. He wouldn’t go and he wouldn’t show himself. He would just watch.
Why had he never told her what he felt? Angel questioned himself. Why had he continued his doomed relationship with Buffy when he loved Willow?
The answers came along with grief.
And the closer
I get I can’t help but hide
So ashamed of
my body and voice
There are boundaries
we pass in spite of the war
But our own we
can’t seem to cross
He was a complete monster who had destroyed hundreds in his long lifetime and had cruelly taken away someone she had known and respected. He terrorized her friends and herself, not letting up. And when he had had his soul, he had ‘loved’ Buffy. Or Buffy loved him and he could not leave her. The hurt he thought he would have caused her would have made her distracted from her slaying and work. How many times had he wished, as he held Buffy, whispering promises, that it was Willow he was holding?
And Willow could never love him. She never did, and never would. And all that knowledge had finally made him run. He had come to the point where he couldn’t care if he hurt Buffy. He was selfish, but he could not, would not stay in the sphere of Willow any longer, knowing that he could not be with her.
The fates must want to torture him some more, he thought dryly, because here she was again.
Angel had not seen the sun for most of his two centuries. But Willow was his sun. And for this brief period, Angel allowed himself this bit of luxury of being near the sun again.
Willow laughed with Tara, and kissed her. But at the back of her mind, she could not help but remember that she was in L.A and Angel was in L.A. What if she bumped into him? Or if he was here right now?
Mentally, Willow shook her head. How could she have such thoughts while being with Tara? And that was Buffy’s ex she was thinking about.
Another part reminded her somewhat harshly, that she had always felt this way. Why should she stop now?
He has a way that
surrounds him, so delicate
With a glory
that reigns in his life
He is also so
much that he is not
These things
they don’t see
And she doesn’t
see me
Willow loved Angel. It was obvious, and yet others seemed to miss it. Even while she was with Oz, or crying for Oz. Oz knew that. Why was it that she could accept everything Angel did while he was evil, but she could not accept what Oz did when he was a wolf?
She loved Angel.
Why had she struggled to bring him out of hell two years ago? Willow had tried unsuccessfully to convince herself that it was for Buffy’s sake, but when she had laid eyes on him, she knew it was the end of her self-deception.
But he loved Buffy. Beautiful, strong, mysterious Buffy. Why would he love her, mousy, timid, babbling Willow?
There are things
we can change, if we just choose to fight
But the walls
of injustice are high
"Will? Will!" Tara called her.
"Huh? Oh…" Willow shook off her thoughts. "You wanna leave already?"
"Yeah, its late…lets go," Tara pulled her to the table and picked up their jackets, handing Willow her’s.
"Yeah," Willow nodded. As she turned, the oddest feeling hit her.
Someone was watching her.
Spinning around, she searched the area and then concentrated on the shadowed areas. For a brief second, she saw…
The second passed.
"Willow? What’s wrong?" Tara asked, concerned.
"Nothing…just thought I saw someone I knew," Willow turned back to Tara. As she left, she gave a last lingering look, then disappeared out the door.
Angel watched her go, his undead heart giving a few thumps and his lungs taking in unneeded oxygen.
Willow sensed him and had almost seen him. Her eyes had actually looked straight at where he was standing.
But she left.
Angel almost cried. But he stayed strong.
She deserved her peace with someone she loves. Not with him.
Not now, and never.
When she passes
me by, she’s a ray of light
Like the first
drop of sun from the sky
And I know she’s
a queen, who deserves a king
Someone other
than me
She doesn’t see
me
She doesn’t see
me
The End