Rating: PG13
Pairing: W/Angel
Disclaimer: Not mine. Willow and Angel belong to Joss and the song "Hands to Heaven" was performed by Breathe many many years ago.
Summary: I meant to sit down tonight and write myself some fluff to make me feel better after a long, hard week at work. Things didn't work out as I planned - I ended up with angsty song-fic like stuff. This is written in the same style as mine and Tienco's "Red's Fire" series which then spawned numerous other 'not-quite-song-fic song-fics'.
Author's Notes: If anyone wants to write me some nice fluffy W/Angel fic (short or otherwise) to make up for the really awful, hellish, damnable, evil, etc week I had it would be most appreciated. I'll even accept W/S fluff, W/Gunn fluff, W/Wes fluff..or W/A/S, W/S/X, W/A/S/C, W/X - okay I'm not really too picky as long as it has Willow in it. It's the thought that counts anyway. If you could use the line "You want me to put my hands *where*?" It would be nice, too. Ok.I guess this counts as a mini-challenge :P
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I knew before he said a word that he would be gone when dawn came - knew by the look in his eyes and the sad smile on his lips. It hurt worse than anything to know that he wouldn't be there in the morning when I woke. He would be gone - off to LA to right the wrongs that were happening there. I watch him move across the room, moonlight playing with each angle of his face, making him even more mysterious than ever, and I feel my heart ache with a loss so deep that I don't know if I will ever recover. He tells me he's leaving finally, confirming that which I had already guessed.
"Why?" My voice sounds shaky even to my own ears and I fight back the tears that are threatening to fall. I don't want to cry, not yet. I want to stay in control, show him I can be that big girl I always acted like I was.
But it hurts.
"You know why."
"No, Angel, I don't." The tears are falling now, despite my best efforts to stop them and he's stepping closer to me. How I want to touch him, seek comfort from those arms I know so well. But I can't. How can I allow myself to depend on him when he's leaving? Should I feel honored that he bothered to come say goodbye?
He sighs and I know this is hurting him almost as much as it is hurting me. "C'mon, Will - we talked about this. Me staying here will only mess up your life even more than it already is."
"Don't give me that!" I growl, stepping back from him. I don't want to smell the sweet scent of his cologne, knowing that the smell will haunt me for the rest of my life. "I live in Sunnydale - home of the 'messed up'. How could my life get any more screwy? Don't do this to me - to us."
He just stares at me and I know. I can see it in his eyes as easily as if I'm reading his soul. He wants me to have a normal life. I should have known this would happen eventually. I mean - what kind of life could I ever hope to have with a vampire as my love? But that didn't cross my mind a single time when we first kissed, when we first made love. It was the last thing on my mind when we told our friends that we were together and faced their cold stares for weeks. I certainly thought after all that that we would be together forever and always. Only recently had he ever started hinting that our time together might be shorter than planned. He had talked about going to another city to fight evil.
Funny - I thought I'd be going with him - sort of like a side kick, except without the bad costume?
"Angel." My hands clench into fists as I try to cope with the pain I am feeling. His expression doesn't change. He's set on it. I want to cry, rant, rave and maybe even scream. But all I can do is stare at him. I see it in his eyes - the confirmation that he won't be changing his mind. I reach for him then, knowing that he won't back down. As he steps into my arms his body is stiff at first, finally relaxing under my touch. I bury my face in his shirt, crying out the anguish in my heart.
"Shh. I love you. Never doubt that." He whispered, stroking my hair. It doesn't stop my tears. "If we're meant to be then we will be back together one day - when you've had a chance to live a normal life. Finished school. All that stuff people your age are supposed to do. How can you give me forever if you haven't done those things? How can I ask that of you." His voice breaks and I know without looking up that he's crying, too. It comforts me ever so slightly to know that he is hurting too. I want to tell him that he doesn't have to ask me to do that for him - that I'm willing to give up everything to be in his arms for the rest of time. He wouldn't like that very much, though. Its not what he's looking to hear from me just then.
"Well. I guess I'll just pray to heaven each night, then." I whisper into the silky-smooth cloth of his shirt. "That we'll be back together someday." His arms tighten around me and I know I've said the right thing. I know in my soul that he and I are meant to be and that we will be together one day. Just not now. For now I have to do as he wishes and live my life. We still have tonight, though.
"Tonight I need your sweet caress." I whisper, drawing him closer to my body. I'm still dressed from my night classes - I had hoped we would be going out. Not tonight, though. Not for a while. "Hold me in the darkness? Relieve my sadness?"
"I wish I could take away your sadness completely, love." He murmurs, grabbing my chin and tilting it up so that he can reach my lips. His body language begs me to trust him and I do, allowing his tongue to gently part my lips. We are opposites, cold and hot, fire and ice. As our mouths meet we let off the steam of passion. How could two people ever be more right for each other?
I'm whispering words of love into his mouth each time we part for me to breathe, tears still pouring from eyes that I swear will never be dry again. It's killing me to be this close to him, knowing he's leaving. But I'd rather have one more night to remember until we're together again than to send him away with bad memories of us. I want him to hold to this night until he is ready for the relationship I know we are destined to have.
I can't believe this pain I feel and I wonder if one can go insane from sadness. But he's there, holding me to reality, keeping me sane with his soft touches, his insistent kisses. I think I cry aloud when he touches me through my clothes. It's too much and not enough at the same time. I want all of him for this last time. As the room heats up there are suddenly too many clothes standing between the two of us. My fingers tear at the buttons of his shirt, not caring if I rip them off. I'm determined to make tonight something he will never forget.
We barely make it to the bed.
~*~*~
I wake knowing he's gone.
But I'm no longer so extraordinarily sad. The ache in my heart is still there, but is now dulled by the love we made all night. One day we'll be together again. When I've lived a few years of this so-called 'normal' life and he's had some time to miss me. I don't doubt that we'll speak in between and maybe, just maybe, he'll see the error of his ways and come back to me.
The sheets of my bed still smell of his sweat, of his cologne. I hold them to me, refusing to cry. We'll be together again. I'll do as I told him, raise my hands to heaven and pray.
And if praying doesn't work I can always take matters into my own hands.
~*~The End~*~