~*~Part Twenty One~*~
The next night Willow watched Angel leave with a sinking heart. For some reason this night felt different from all the others. She knew something was up just by the fact he had told Lorne he wouldn’t be back until ‘late’. Usually Angel wouldn’t have bothered with telling the demon that much if he was going to be in back before midnight.
Which meant that he already had a plan. He had mentioned the day before that he had a ‘big night’ ahead of him. The pieces snapped into place with a sickening thud in her heart. Tonight would be “The” night. The night when Angel and Buffy finally took his soul for a test drive around the block of love. She swallowed, forcing back a lump in her throat that was too painful for words.
Turning from the railing over looking the lobby, the red head made her way slowly back to her room. Her hand trailed idly down the wall, fingernails making a dull scratching sound in the quiet hallway. She wondered, not for the first time, if she truly was incapable of dying like her Goddess had said.
Because at that moment she thought she would surely die of a broken heart.
“Stop it.” She whispered fiercely to herself, locking the door to her room. “You don’t know that that’s what they’re going to be doing tonight. You have no way to be sure.” The words were meant to be reassuring, but they offered no hope. “I’ll just go to sleep. Then, no matter what, at least I won’t know when it happens. I won’t have to .. feel it.” Tears slid down her cheeks as she pulled back the blankets on her bed, sliding under them with all the energy of a corpse.
She counted down slowly from a hundred, willing herself to sleep, all the while praying that she not have to experience what she knew in her heart was going to happen that night.
~*~*~
Angel tossed the keys to the hotel room on the small table next to the door, shrugging off his leather jacket. He draped the article over the back of one of the room’s chairs, surveying the room with appraising eyes. It was a nice hotel. One of the best in the city. If tonight was going to be the last one he spent with Buffy, he wanted to at least give her that much.
‘So say goodbye and leave her in the room to order room service and eat herself sick.’ His conscience implored to him. ‘You do NOT have to do this. You do not need to sleep with her. You already know what you feel and this is NOT it.’
“Angel…look…king size….”
The vampire turned, forcing a smile onto his face. Buffy had already taken off her shoes and had laid herself on the bed in what he assumed was supposed to be an inviting, if not downright provocative position. But, aside from the feelings any man would have at the thought of sleeping with a beautiful young woman, the entire situation left him slightly cold.
Again his conscience whispered, ‘So go home.’
“You going to come to bed?” Buffy purred, sliding to the edge of the bed and grabbing at his belt. She slowly began working the leather through the loops of his pants, finally freeing the belt from them entirely.
‘Just shut up and try. Don’t you owe Buffy that much? To at least try to make things work? Don’t you owe it to Willow to try to be happy? She gave you a second chance at love and happiness!’ He told himself, pushing his conscience into the deeper recesses of his mind. He closed his eyes, abandoning himself to the soft ministrations of her fingers as she began to unbutton his pants.
~*~*~
Lust.
Desire.
Passion.
Willow woke, sweating, a tidal wave of emotions baring down on her in a flood of pure heat. She gasped for breath, her eyes glazed with second-hand passion. Mind-numbing, spine-tingling sensations coursed through her body as she felt Angel give in to his passions and find release somewhere in the city, with Buffy.
As the last of the passions cleared from her mind, Willow found herself crying. It had happened. Despite her prayers and entreaties, it had happened anyway. And she had been woken up to be forced to experience it right along with him. She sat up, pulling her knees to her chest, and began to cry. The tears flowed freely, her heart aching with the loss of something it had never quite had. She felt like cursing her Goddess for bringing this misery to her life. But hadn’t she asked for it? Agreed to it?
As if she were standing in the room with her, Willow could hear her Goddess chide her ever so gently.
”I never meant for you to hurt this badly, my daughter. But you sacrificed to give him his joy. What is done is done. I could not take it back even if you wanted me to. Try to live your life and be happy. Remember that you are his friend, his confidant, and he will need you no matter how much it hurts you to be there for him.”
The red head sniffled, wiping at the tears on her face with the back of her hand. Her eyes searched the room, but there was no one there. If her Goddess had ever been there she was gone now. But her words lingered on. She had to move past this. Had to find a way to still be there for Angel when he needed her.
She stood and grabbed her bathrobe from the hook on the back of her door, crossing to the bathroom. Maybe a hot shower would at least ease some of the tension from her body and let her sleep again tonight.
~*~*~
Buffy rolled off of Angel, pulling the sheet up around her. She stared at the ceiling of the hotel room, confusion rolling through her mind. Despite the passion they had just shared she still felt the same as she had the weekend before. There was no more fire and magic than there had been then. She sighed softly, closing her eyes. It was time to admit the horrible truth.
Things had changed.
“Angel…”
“Buffy…”
The two looked at each other, the situation seeming more incredibly odd than either one of them could have ever imagined.
“You first…” Buffy whispered. She rolled to her side so that she could look at his face, pleased when he did the same. She had no clue what he was about to say but she prayed it wouldn’t make what she needed to tell him harder than it already was going to be.
“I…” Angel paused, searching for the right words. “We…” He stopped again. He knew what he wanted to say but all the words suddenly seemed so awkward. “We ’re not… I mean, it’s like this. I don’t feel…”
“The same? As you used to?” Buffy jumped at the fragmented sentence, realizing what he was trying to say. At his tentative nod she smiled outright, sitting up in the bed and grinning. “Angel – I could kiss you. That was exactly what I was going to say.”
“You were? Really?” He let out a breath of air he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, a genuine smile breaking over his face for the first time that night. “Oh good. I thought it was just me. I…”
“Didn’t want to hurt me?” Buffy laughed softly. “And I didn’t want to hurt you. Its just not the same as it was back in high school. Things were different then. *We* were different.”
Angel laughed, nodding. He sat up, patting her knee with affection, though not the passion they had hoped for. “Whaddya say we get dressed and get out of here…this is just too…weird.”
“Agreed.” The blonde laughed, sliding out of bed. She pulled the sheet around her and grabbed up her clothes from the floor, suddenly shy. “We’re still friends, Angel. No matter what. K?”
“Friends.” Angel echoed, watching her practically skip her way into the bathroom to get dressed. Relief that things had ended so peacefully coursed through his body and he laughed to himself. “Just friends.”
~*~Part Twenty Two~*~
Willow could hear Connor start crying as she finished her shower, pulling her bathrobe around her. She tied off the fuzzy white robe and stepped into the hallway, shivering in the cold air. In the next room Connor was screaming at the top of his little baby lungs.
”What’s wrong, little guy?” She cooed, picking him up from his crib and rocking slowly back and forth. She could hear someone moving around in the kitchen and assumed it was Lorne, probably fixing a bottle for the baby. Her eyes wandered around the nursery, finally lighting on a small radio on a table. She remembered Lorne saying once that Connor seemed to enjoy music and being sung to.
“Well – can’t hurt to try.” She snickered, feeling incredibly self-conscious as she turned on the radio. “Now – no laughing Connor. K?” The words that floated through the small speakers brought another pang of sadness to her heart and, when she opened her mouth to sing along, her voice was breathy, full of emotions and things she couldn’t express in any other way.
“You’re a song…written by the hands of God…” From the first word Connor stopped crying, his tiny fist coming up to his mouth, eyes wide with the wonder only true innocents contained. She smiled down at him, continuing to sing as they glided around the room.
“Don’t get me wrong…this might sound to you a bit odd…but you own the place…where all my thoughts go hiding…right under your clothes…is where I find them…” Willow choked back another sob of grief, closing her eyes and swaying in place with the now peaceful Connor. Angel was where her thoughts always ran to – to hide. Though they would never get under his clothes. Nor would she. Not now that he had Buffy and they had…
“Underneath your clothes…there’s an endless story…there’s the man I chose…there’s my territory….and all the things… I deserve…for being such a good girl, honey….”
She felt tears slide from her eyes, down her cheeks and undoubtedly onto the thick terry cloth of her robe. The words of the song rang true to her heart. Hadn’t she been a good girl? Didn’t she deserve happiness? She opened her eyes, surprised to see that the baby in her arms was now fast asleep, one of her tears glistening on the skin of his arm. She laid him down gently in his cradle, wiping the spot of moisture from him.“What do you think, Connor? Do I deserve him?”
“I’ll say you do.”
Willow whirled, almost falling over. Her eyes widened in horror when she saw Lorne, standing in the doorway of the kitchen, bottle in hand. “Sorry… I’m just having a bad night…”
“No, sweets. Its more than that.” Lorne replied, his face knowing. He had heard her sing and, through the grace of the Powers, been giving insight into the troubles the girl was bearing on her small shoulders. He knew everything, including her vow not to tell anyone what she had done. But he was under no such clause. The information he had been given had been presented to him with a purpose.
End her suffering.
“Was it worth it?”
The red head gasped, the meaning of his words becoming incredibly clear. “H-How do you know?”
“Your little show there gave the Powers an opportunity to let you off the hook. Didn’t Cordelia or Angel ever tell you what my gifts are?” He sighed when she shook her head. “I see things when I hear people sing. In your case I see what you did… And how you are paying for it.”
The room was too hot, too cold, too much of everything all at once. Willow’s eyes darted around the room, feeling like a caged animal. One part of her wanted to cry her eyes out to Lorne, to tell him how much she had been hurting, while another part of her wanted to run away. “Y-You can’t tell Angel… Can’t tell anyone…Please?”
Lorne raised an eyebrow, settling into a chair. “Why not? Doesn’t Angel have a right to know? Don’t you need the support of your friends?”
”Yes…no…yes…Agghh.” Willow cried softly, sinking to her knees in front of him. “I don’t want their pity. I don’t want Angel to feel like I did too much, went too far. I want him to be happy. I don’t want to interfere with that. Can’t you see?”
“I see.” Lorne nodded. “You have to be the most selfless person I have ever met in my entire life.” He shook his head, closing his eyes. Never in a million years had he imagined that the secrets the red head had been harboring were this great in magnitude. “You don’t want Angel to know because you don’t want to risk ruining the happiness he has with that Buffy girl. You think that by telling him what you gave up you will make him feel obligated, right?”
Willow nodded, her eyes fixed on his. “Please. Don’t tell him. Don’t tell any of them. Its my burden to bear.”
“Eternity will be a long time without love…” Lorne whispered. He believed without a doubt that Angel had a right to know what the red head had given up for him. If it ruined his relationship with Buffy, so be it. From the things the vampire had let slip over the last few weeks, there was trouble in paradise anyway. But Angel wasn’t home at the moment and the girl crying on the floor needed some consolation. He said a silent prayer to whatever deities were watching over him, begging them to forgive the lie he was about to tell. “Fine. I promise.”
The crying stopped and she looked at him warily. Could she trust him? ‘He promised – be a good girl and go to bed. You need to sleep.’ Her inner self chastised her. She sighed, thankful when Lorne stood and offered her a hand up. “Thank you.”
“Don’t mention it.” He smiled, secretly planning on waylaying Angel to tell him the second he walked through the door – or first thing in the morning if he fell asleep before the vampire got home. “Remember that I am always here when you need to talk, ok?” He smiled again, relief filling him when she left the room. The weight of her problems and his own decision bared down on him. But he needed to stay up, to talk to Angel. Grabbing a book, the demon settled into a chair, prepared to stay up as long as it took.
And promptly fell asleep.
~*~Part Twenty-Three~*~
The hotel was quiet when Angel finally returned home, making his way up to his room with little noise. Connor was asleep in his crib, Lorne stretched out in a chair nearby. He thought about waking the green-skinned demon then pushed the idea aside. Obviously Lorne needed his rest and he would move to his own bed if he woke before morning. Angel turned on the light in his bedroom, shutting the door behind him with only the most minimal of clicks. He listened carefully to make sure he hadn't woken Connor before moving deeper into his room, shedding his clothes as he went until he was left only in boxers. Only then did he shut off the light and climb into bed, his head still whirling with the events of that evening.
Once Buffy and himself had gotten dressed, they had sat down and talked for nearly two hours about different things. The overall feeling of the conversation was pleasant, much more so than their last few dates had been. They had both admitted to each other that they had been trying too hard to recapture something that likely had never been meant to exist in the first place. Buffy had poured her heart out to him about everything that had happened in the past year - dying, Spike, Dawn - things she had held inside for the longest time. She had told him that he would always be a very good friend to her and that she hoped he felt the same way.
He had assured her he did.
Then had come the hard part. She had called him on his feelings for Willow, telling him that he had been utterly transparent even at the best of times. She had been much more kind than he had thought she would be, advising him that if he truly loved the red head he should make a move and not wait until it was too late. "You never know what's going to happen from one day to the next, Angel," Her words floated back across time to him. "I certainly never planned on dying that night. What if tomorrow brings tragedy? Don't you want her to know how you felt?"
'I do want her to know.' He told himself, closing his eyes and trying to sleep. 'But what if it ruins our friendship? She certainly has never given me any sign that she likes me as more than a friend.' But Buffy was right. Anything could happen. Freak accidents occur all the time, and even more so in his life and line of work. How would he feel if something happened to Willow and he had never even tried to tell her how he felt? Would he honestly be able to live with himself at that point?
He didn't think so.
Buffy had made a large number of good points, enumerating the reasons why he and Willow would make a good couple and, he had to admit, she made a pretty convincing case. First on her list was that Willow was already his friend - his good friend. He smirked, remembering the exasperation on Buffy's face when she had said that. "Willow this and Willow that." She had sighed, mock-glaring at him. "I was starting to think that my friend was a saint. You certainly can't seem to find anything that she does wrong."
And what had he been able to say to that? Was there anything Willow did that truly annoyed him - unlike Buffy? Not that he wanted to bad mouth the blonde, but there were too many things she did that grated on his nerves rather than endeared her to him. Little things like talking about herself too much or focusing on one thing and not letting it go until the entire subject was exhausted. Willow, on the other hand, she didn't seem to do much of anything to annoy him. 'Well,' He admitted. 'Other than put herself down constantly. She really has a self-esteem issue sometimes.'
He smiled in the darkness, thinking of the red head across the hall, probably sound asleep by now. Would she have any interest in him? He could only hope so - he was staking their entire friendship on it. On the blank canvas of his mind he could picture her as she must be at that moment - laying in bed, her perfect porcelain skin standing out in the darkness of her room, red hair fanned out around her head, her eyes closed. She was, without a doubt, beautiful - though he knew for a fact that she didn't picture herself in that manner. He wondered if she was wearing that little Curious George nightshirt he had seen her in once or twice - a present from Xander she had made sure to tell him, as though wearing something as cute as that was something to apologize for. It was fine with him if she wore that to bed, or in the office.
'It's fine with me if she just wears nothing at all.'
Angel groaned, rolling onto his side and closing his eyes tight, trying to shut out the traitorous thoughts in his mind that were conspiring to keep him from sleep.
~*~*~
Willow heard Angel come in and forced herself not to cry. She wasn't going to let this ruin her friendship with him. Tomorrow she would just act like nothing was wrong and start moving on with her life. Sure - she could never fall in love with anyone else. But that was still a small price to pay to have done something to great for someone she cared about.
She shut her eyes, praying for peace from nightmares where she lived out the rest of her life alone, praying for those that looked out for lovelorn young women to have mercy on her heart and make her just not feel anymore. And, finally, praying that Angel would always find happiness in the decisions he makes.
~*~Part Twenty-Four~*~
Hunger finally drove Willow from her bed the next day. She yawned, stretching her arms up over her head before sitting up and blinking sleepily at the clock. The red digital numbers showed that it was nearly Noon. 'Oh well. At least its Sunday and I don't have to do any work. I can just sit in my room and.' She frowned, standing up and slipping on a pair of sweat pants. 'And what? Pout? Cry?' She shook her head at her thoughts, determination setting in. She wasn't about to sit around all day and mourn the loss of a love she had never truly had. Not anymore, anyway.
The floor was quiet when she opened the door of her room, cocking her head to the side for any sounds of movement. She crossed the hall to Angel's rooms, slipping past the nursery and into the kitchen. The fact that Angel had the only working kitchen in the entire building was something of a small nuisance to her, and she made a mental note to discuss with him what they could do to make a more generalized one. It certainly wasn't fair to Angel to have everyone constantly wandering into his apartment just to get a soda. Not that he seemed to mind - but Willow was sure none of them wanted to accidentally walk in on Angel doing anything he wouldn't normally do in front of other people. 'Because I definitely don't want to walk in while he and Buffy are.'
She let the thought go, cringing at the self-torture her brain insisted on inflicting on her. The thought of Angel with Buffy brought back all the memories of the night before - feeling the consummation of their love, singing to Connor, and Lorne somehow ending up with the knowledge of what she had done. 'Wonder exactly how much he knows.' She thought idly, pulling a bag of deli-sliced turkey and a tomato from the refrigerator. 'It's not like we talked a whole lot last night. He seems to nice, so helpful. But no one can take this pain from me and talking isn't going to make the hurt go away. Talking just reminds me how pathetic I am.' She reached into one of the cabinets, pulling out a loaf of bread. She squeezed it experimentally, glad to feel that it was still soft. For the most part there was no way of knowing how long most of the food in the kitchen had been there. Lorne and herself were the only ones that really used the room, with Cordelia occasionally bringing in some of her own things to clutter everything up.
Her thoughts turned back to Angel as she opened the bag of bread, pulling out two of the white slices for her sandwich. Now that he and Buffy had gone that extra step would she be coming to live here? She frowned. 'We'll definitely need another kitchen then. Just not enough space in this one little room for all those people to cook and stuff.' It helped to think of things from a practical point of view, she decided - but only a little. Dawn would have to come with her, of course. Before long the hotel would be full of people at that rate. Willow sighed, grabbing a jar of mayonnaise from the refrigerator and liberally spreading it on one of the slices of bread. Living with Buffy and Dawn, having to be around the happy little family they would no doubt make with Angel was a thought she didn't like to contemplate, the idea making her eyes well up with tears. 'Shame I promised my Goddess I'd stick close to Angel and be his friend until he gets redemption,' she thought bitterly. 'I'd so like to run far away from all of this.'
But she wouldn't even try it, for fear of risking Angel's soul and his chance at atonement. Who was to say that leaving him wouldn't immediately negate the deal she had made with her Goddess and send both of them to their deaths? 'Reminder to self - next time you make a deal with a Goddess, make sure you get more details.'
"Hey Will."
The red head jumped, the knife she had been using to cut the tomato slicing neatly into her thumb. She gasped in pain, biting her lip to keep from screaming. How could she have been so lost in her own thoughts that she hadn't even heard Angel enter the room. Through the haze of pain she recalled Xander once suggesting putting a bell on Angel's neck so they could hear him come and go. Score one for stealth-man.
"Willow?" Angel queried, stepping further into the kitchen. The first thing he noticed was the smell of blood in the air, then Willow's ashen face set in a mask of shocked pain. He looked down at her hands. There was so much blood that it took him a moment to realize she had cut her thumb, apparently while slicing a tomato. He grabbed blindly for the roll of paper towels further down the counter, tearing off a few sheets. He caught her hand in his, whispering nonsense words of empathy as he wrapped the little absorbent sheets around the injury. It didn't take a genius or even a doctor to tell him that she had cut herself deeply, the amount of blood pooling on the cutting board and counter gave him that clue. His heart lurched in agony. Wasn't this what he had been worried about, except on a smaller scale? Something bad happening unexpectedly? His eyes flew to the clock. Almost six hours to go until sunset, he wouldn't be able to take her to get the cut looked at. "Come sit down. I'll go wake up Lorne and have him drive you to the hospital."
The red head blinked, Angel's words penetrating the pain. She stared at him dumbly, her brain screaming that she couldn't go to the hospital, though she was having trouble remembering what that reason was. Finally it hit her, as Angel opened his mouth to repeat what he had already said about having Lorne take her to the hospital. The bond. She would heal in no time. In fact, as she stood there thinking about it, she realized she could already feel the magick of the bond working to mend her torn skin. By now the bleeding would have stopped. If she healed under the watchful eyes of the doctors at the hospital it would raise more questions than she was able to answer. She was going to have more than enough trouble convincing Angel as it was. "No. I can't. It's nothing, really."
"Little One, c'mon - I saw the cut. You need to go the doctor. Probably need a couple stitches." How could she stand there, so calm, and say she wasn't going to the doctor? She had bled all over his kitchen counter and she thought was she was fine? "Please, for me?"
"I *can't*." She moaned, the agony of the situation overriding the little pain she still felt from the cut. "Believe me - it's no big deal. I promise. I'll be okay."
Angel grabbed at her hand, frustrated, and pulled the paper towel away. His eyes locked with hers, not even looking at the wound. "Look at it. Does that *look* like you will be fine? You need to go to a . "
Willow held her breath as he finally looked down at her hand, the cut now showing as nothing more than a pinkish scar that was, itself, fading as they watched.
"What is going on?" Dark brown eyes met anxious green ones, both worried but for different reasons. Willow could feel his confusion in their bond, mixed with overlying tinges of worry and fear that she could only assume was brought on by her now-healed injury.
"Please, Angel. Trust me. It's nothing." The young woman cried, prying her hand from his grasp and clutching it to her chest. Tears began to fall down her cheeks.
"Trust you?" Angel asked, blinking in confusion. "You just cut your thumb open and it healed - completely. And you say its nothing to worry about and to trust you? I need an explanation." He moved closer to her, as if to grab her again and hold her still until she told him what was going on. But Willow was too quick for him, moving out of the way and then out of the kitchen. He heard her whisper, 'I can't tell you.', before she disappeared entirely. With his sensitive hearing he could hear the door to her bedroom shut. He started for the hallway, intent on questioning her until he got the answers he needed.
Only to be stopped by Lorne. "We need to talk."
"Can it wait?" Angel asked impatiently, looking around the other man and out into the hallway. He could hear Willow crying through her door and it broke his heart. Whatever was going on with her was apparently much more serious than he had originally thought and, as a good friend and someone who loved her, he was now determined to figure out what it was. "I'm in the middle of something. Willow -"
"Willow," Lorne said, his face serious. "Is exactly the reason I need to talk to you."
~*~Part Twenty-Five~*~
Angel sat down across from Lorne, looking at the demon with no small amount of impatience. Across the hall he could still hear Willow crying. What could possibly be going on with her? She had been hiding something, that part was no longer in question, but what could it be. His eyes met Lorne's. "Could we get on with this? I need to go talk to Willow."
"Calm down, cupcake. You need to hear what I have to tell you about that little girl first." He paused, eyes unfocused as he searched through what he knew of the situation. Where was the right place to start?
"What is it, Lorne?" The vampire asked, his concentration shifting from the crying human across the hall to the demon sitting in front of him. It was apparent that whatever Lorne had to tell him was something he at least *thought* was important.
"It's about her - and what she did to give you that nice permanent little soul." Lorne began finally, settling back into his chair. The confusion in Angel's eyes was terrible and hard to bear, so he turned his gaze to Connor's crib, seeing the infant sleeping through the slats of the piece of furniture. "She gave up so much for you."
"Huh?" Angel knew his statement wasn't the most eloquent in the world, but Lorne was confusing him. What did he mean Willow had given up so much for him? What had she had to sacrifice to give him an anchored soul. "Cut the drama, Lorne, and just tell me what you know. Please?" His last word was an entreaty, almost a plea.
"Basically your little witch got down on her knees and prayed to the Powers to give you a little present, sweets. And lo and behold, her Goddess answered - but there were some stipulations to it all. And a price." He shook his head. "I'm just going by what I got off of her last night when she was singing to Connor, mind you. And we should be thankful that the Powers saw fit to let us know this much - after all, they swore *her* to absolute secrecy."
Angel sat back, confusion warring with an emotion he couldn't begin to name. It was like a mix of gratitude, amazement and love. Willow had prayed for this? She had actually contacted the Powers and *asked* for this most precious gift? But Lorne said there were stipulations, a price? "What do you know?"
Lorne sighed, turning his eyes back to Angel. "Basically the first thing that her Goddess told her was that she couldn't tell a single soul about what the stipulations of this little 'gift'. And boy were those stipulations some whoppers." He snorted. "That little slip of a girl across the room is here for as long as you are sugar - she can't die unless you bite it, her physical hurts will heal just about as fast as your own. She's practically immortal. All she has to do is be there for you - be your friend."
"That doesn't sound so bad." Angel murmured, feeling a little more at ease with what had just happened in the kitchen though he was still confused. Why had Lorne made it seem like there was something awful about the situation? "There's more, isn't there?"
"You betcha." The green-skinned demon smiled humorlessly. "She's bonded to you on an emotional level. Anything you feel, she feels. Your pain.your sadness. your passion." He watched as Angel's face took on an amazing shade of pink. "Yeah - she knows all about what happened with you and Buffy last night. I caught her in here crying her eyes out, singing a song to Connor that could've made a rock weep. And that leads me to the 'price' portion of our little lecture, my dear. You are the only man she can *ever* love. She gave up her rights to anyone but you when she asked for your soul. Since she did what she did out of love for you, the Powers seemed to think it was a fitting price. She will live out the rest of her now-longer-life with no chance at having someone love her."
"But -" Angel began then snapped his mouth shut. He shut his eyes, feeling sadness well up within him like a flood behind a dam. Suddenly everything clicked into place. Willow's sadness, the way she would distance herself from any conversation he started that involved Buffy. He opened his eyes again, meeting Lorne's gaze. "But I love her, Lorne. Buffy and I - we decided it just wasn't as meant to be as we once thought it was."
Lorne arched an eyebrow. "Did you love her before you knew all of this or are you just saying that out of gratitude? Because, believe me, she doesn't need or want your pity."
The vampire shook his head. "I think I've loved her for a while now. I was just too stupid to admit it to myself at first. And then, when I did realize it, I was with Buffy and didn't want to ruin my friendship with Willow." He stood up, his face set in determination. "But, no more. If she loves me and I love her there's no reason -"
"Hold on there, Romeo." Lorne gestured to the seat Angel had just vacated, indicating that he sit down again. "You plan on just going over there and telling her you suddenly love her? She knows I know about her sacrifice. She's just going to assume that I told you and you are only doing it out of a sense of duty, out of obligation. You need to go slowly with her. Make her believe you love her before ever letting her know what I told you today. I promised her I wouldn't tell a soul and, as far as she should know, I haven't." He stopped speaking for a moment, gathering his thoughts. "She loves you more than anything, Angel. Be good to her - she's going to be with you for a very long time, whether or not you crazy kids ever get to the point where you are making plans for the future."
Angel nodded, hardly noticing when Lorne got up and left the room. The cries across the hall had quieted, something for which he was grateful. He didn't want to hear Willow cry ever again. But, Lorne was right. He couldn't rush into this. Willow was exactly the type who would automatically assume he was just trying to be with her because he was thankful for what she had done. He needed to take it slow, seduce her and woo her the way any woman would like to be loved. It didn't matter that he already knew how she felt. He needed to make her see how he felt, and have her believe it with all of her heart before he told her he knew everything. He wondered how she had managed to live for so long sharing his emotions. It must have been unbearable at times. Searching his own mind, the vampire found the bond Lorne had spoken of, and opened his own senses to it, amazed at the ease with which it happened. He could feel Willow, now, feel her sadness and despair, and knew the first thing he should do in his crusade to win her heart.
Tell her what *really* happened with him and Buffy last night.
~*~Part Twenty-Six~*~
“Want to grab some dinner?”
Willow looked up, blinking in surprise at the man standing in front of her. She had thought for sure that he would be somewhere in the hotel, holed up with a phone, doing his own version of chattering on the phone with Buffy. She wondered briefly if he had decided to badger her more on the subject of what had happened that morning. But, no, he had promised her with all sincerity earlier that day that he wouldn’t bring it up again if she didn’t want him to.
And she didn’t.
There was, after all, no way she could answer his questions about what had happened without giving away the entirety of her current situation. And that would undoubtedly damn both their souls to whatever torments the Powers had in store for little witches who broke pacts with their Goddesses. Her teeth worried at her lower lip until she bit herself too hard, bringing her crashing back to reality and the vampire waiting for an answer. She looked up at him, the confusion over his sudden desire to want to spend time with her waging a battle with the happiness that that was what he seemed to want. “Um. Sure?” Her answer was more of a question but when he nodded, apparently pleased, she felt a little better. Though why did he want to go to dinner with her? To talk about what happened last night with Buffy? She hoped not. It just wasn’t a topic she wanted to discuss with him – not that night and probably not ever.
Angel smiled, offering his hand to her. He shivered inside as her skin touched against his, warring with himself to tell her how he felt at that moment. To not play the game he was about to start. But that wasn’t possible. He couldn’t rush into this – had to make her believe that she was loved not for what she’d done, but for who she was. The scent he associated with her the most, sweet vanilla, filled the air. It wasn’t a perfume – she rarely wore that type of stuff. No, this was from the shampoo she used each morning when she showered. “Anything you’re craving?”
‘You. But I can’t have that.’ She thought sadly, giving him the brightest smile that she could manage. Lifting her shoulders in a shrug, the red head finally offered. “Chinese?”
“Great. Let’s go.” He offered her his arm, aching for her to be close to him. How was it that he had survived all these months having her only as a friend? Hadn’t he always wanted this closeness, craved her touch? And now that he was so close to getting what he had unknowingly desired for so long, he could scarcely contain his excitement. He saw a moment of hesitation in her eyes. Had he been too forward? But then she shook her head, as if she had been having a conversation with herself, and slipped her arm through his. “There’s a good place a couple blocks over. Wanna try there?”
Willow nodded, still reeling from the events of the past few minutes. After a few steps what he had said sunk in and she turned her head, giving him a confused look. “How do you know it’s good, Angel? You don’t… eat.”
“I’ve heard Fred and Gunn talk about it. Fred’s crazy for Chinese food.” They stepped out into the night, the air still warm despite the sun having set hours before. Overhead a full moon shined down, giving much more light to see by than the dingy streetlights. They walked on, the silence stretching between them until Angel couldn’t stand it any longer. It was more than apparent that she was unhappy, that him being around her made her unhappy. And he knew why. After all those long weeks he knew why she was sad.
And what time like the present to make things even a little better?
“So…” He began, searching for the best words to say what needed to be said. The direct approach had always worked for him in the past and he hoped, as he opened his mouth to speak again, that it wouldn’t fail him now. “Buffy and I –“
“Stop.” Willow whispered, unable to contain her despair at hearing the words she had been dreading coming from his mouth. She blushed, realizing that she had spoken aloud something she had meant to keep quite private. How would she ever explain this away? The way she was going her entire secret would be out in the open soon, and it would be her own stupid fault. It was bad enough that Lorne knew, though he had given his word to not tell a soul and she trusted him. A promise was nothing to take lightly, after all. But what was going to stop her from giving herself away?
Angel had heard what she said and had stopped speaking, startled by the red head’s brutal honesty. Why was this the first time that she had ever been so blunt? Why couldn’t she have made her feelings clear earlier? Before he had a chance to make the mistake he had made the night before, even? “All I was going to say..” He began slowly, praying to whatever gods were listening that she would just let him finish what he had to say. He paused, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. She looked downright upset, depressed even. When the silence stretched out and he realized that she was going to let him speak his piece, he continued. “I was going to say that Buffy and I broke up last night. For good this time.”
“Huh?” The former witch murmured, stopping dead in her tracks to look at him. “I’m – sorry?” She asked, unsure of how he wanted her to react to what he was saying, and confused as Hell by the statement to begin with. ‘But last night was the night they…’ “But…” She stopped herself from saying aloud what she had just thought so privately. She couldn’t ask him about that. Of course not. How would she possibly be able to explain knowing that he and Buffy had made love last night? Angel wasn’t the type of person to blab about his romantic encounters so she knew for a fact that no one but him and Buffy knew what had happened. Unless Buffy had already run home and told someone, that was.
“There just wasn’t anything there anymore.” He continued. He grabbed at her arm, pulling at it until she began to walk again. They were only a few more yards from the all-night Chinese place and he could tell, by the way Willow was stumbling over her own feet, that she needed to sit down. “Neither one of us felt the same as we used to. There just wasn’t anything there anymore.” He stopped in front of the store, holding the door open for her. If he hadn’t been so worried about her emotional state of mind, he would have found the utterly perplexed look on her face to be adorable.
As it was, he did anyway.
Willow was in a daze as she ordered her food, taking the tray from the woman behind the counter and sitting down as Angel paid for it. She took a bite of the lo mein, finding it to be tasteless. So was her soda. Nothing seemed to have any flavor to her. ‘Sure sign of shock, my dear.’ She sighed, closing her eyes. This was a reason to rejoice, wasn’t it? Angel and Buffy were no longer with each other. That meant that she and Angel…
‘Still have a lovely friendship. Which is all it will ever be. You are like his kid sister. See how he frets over you? Just like an older brother.’ She frowned, staring down at her plate to avoid the worried gaze of the vampire sitting across the table from her. “I’m sorry to hear that, Angel.” She said finally, tearing her eyes from the vegetables she had been staring holes into and looking up into his chocolate brown eyes. “I know how much the two of you wanted to make things work.”
“I think we were trying to hard to recapture something that didn’t exist, personally.” He grinned. “Don’t know if it ever existed, even. But that’s not here or there. You’re my friend and I wanted you to know. Now let’s let it go.” He reached across the table to take the hand that wasn’t holding her fork, squeezing it gently. “I saw you working on that new program before we left. Any luck making it work?”
Willow shook her head, sighing inwardly at the change in conversation. It wouldn’t do for her to seem too happy about what Angel had just told her, the things he had revealed. There was no love between him and Buffy? Maybe never had been? That boded well for her own future chances. Though, in that same breath he had also called her his ‘friend’ – which lent itself more to her own downward look on things than anything.’ She finished chewing what was in her mouth and began to tell Angel about the program and how it would one day save them a lot of time with their research.
~*~Part Twenty Seven~*~
It took Willow three days to realize that she was, in fact, happy about Angel and Buffy breaking up. It was difficult to admit it to herself, at first, but then, as the idea grew on her, she found that it was definitely to her liking. It wasn’t that she didn’t want Angel to be happy, she most certainly did – that was the reason, after all, that she had condemned herself to a hell of solitary existence. No – she was happy about it for a purely selfish reason.
It meant that she still had a shot at her own happiness.
And, with the way Angel had been acting, it almost seemed as if she would get that happiness. He had been so kind and attentive to her since his breakup with Buffy. Taking her to dinner, out to the movies. It was almost too much. If she didn’t know him better she would say he was trying too hard. But that was just the type of guy that Angel was. He liked to spoil those he cared for. ‘Cared for?’ She asked herself, startled. Where had that come from? Did she really believe that Angel cared for her? ‘Well of course he does, silly. You are his friend, after all. It doesn’t mean anything other than that. Don’t read into it and get your heart broken.’
She pulled herself out of her thoughts, glancing at the clock. It was almost six. Time to get ready for another night of fun, fun, fun. Tonight’s entertainment consisted of prime seats at the ballet. She wasn’t too excited about the entire thing, but Angel was and that was all that mattered. It tickled her to see the vampire act like a giddy child over something. He had been so excited to get the tickets, telling her it would be the best time of her life. She only prayed it turned out better than the trip to the ballet he had taken with his staff only a few months before. She certainly wasn’t in the mood to deal with any wicked, jealous sorcerer’s tonight.
The red head pushed her work into a pile on her bed, stretching slowly before standing up. The dress hanging in her closet was new, a present from Angel, for their excursion tonight. It was a daring little number, something she never would have chosen for herself. The hunter green folds of the dress hung down low in the front, as if draped there by some fashion designer. It would show off more of her skin than she was normally comfortable with – but she couldn’t disappoint Angel and not wear it. It *was* beautiful. Just not very Willow-like. A slit on the left hand side of the dress would show most of her leg, all the way up to her upper thigh, if she wasn’t careful. But, oh, did it feel good when it was on, she acceded. The soft velvet and silk slipped over her skin like a million tiny fingers, caressing every inch they touched.
She would wear her hair up, she decided, sweeping the red locks back into a bun with a small clip. A few strands escaped, framing her face in delicate wisps. She rarely wore any makeup and tonight would not be an exception. Only the most minimal of foundation touched her skin, to even out any blotchiness that she may have. That was it. She was done. She dared a glance in the mirror of her vanity, smiling at what she saw. The dress made the most of what she had, that was for sure, and left relatively little to the imagination. ‘Still…I look pretty in that movie star sort of way, I guess. Like I’m ready to walk down the red carpet to accept an award or something.’
“Willow? Are you ready? We need to go if we’re going to get there on time.”
The red head looked towards her bedroom door. “Just a second, Angel.” She checked herself one more time in the mirror before grabbing at the lacy shawl on dresser, another present from Angel. The vampire himself had already left the hallway for the lobby by the time she walked out of her room, and she found herself in a situation very much like something one would see in a movie. Walking slowly down the stairs to the first floor, Willow had the fortune of seeing Angel’s head turn, as though in slow motion, to watch her descent. His eyes widened with surprise and something else she couldn’t name. Was it possible that he saw what she had hoped all along he would see? A pretty woman worth spending time with?
“You look…wonderful.” He murmured when she at last reached his side. His hand came out to grab hers, squeezing gently before pulling her towards the hotel’s door. The show would be starting in half an hour. Barely enough time to get there and to their seats. It was worth it, though, to see Willow like this. So stunningly beautiful.
Tonight would be a special night.
~*~*~
It was difficult not to yawn during the ballet, Willow found. Not that the story wasn’t moving, beautiful even. It was just, well, ballet. Angel was enraptured, though. Just looking at his face was enough to make Willow smile, despite the fact that she was bored out of her mind. When the last note died away, the dancers taking their bows, she found herself joining the rest of the audience in a standing ovation – not because of the quality of the show, though. No, she stood because she was ecstatic that it was over.
“So – what did you think?” Angel asked, leading her out into the lobby of the theater.
“It was…”
“You were bored silly, weren’t you?” He teased. It had only taken him perhaps ten minutes into the show to realize that the boredom he was feeling was due to the link he had with the red haired woman next to him. He had still enjoyed the show but had made a mental note that ballets were probably not the best place to take her out on a date again. Not that Willow even realized this was a date. He was pretty sure that she assumed it was merely an excursion between really close friends. She would know differently by the end of the night if he had anything to say about it.
“Well…” She grinned. “I wasn’t going to say that. But since you did…yes. I was bored.”
Angel laughed at the contrite look on her face, leading her through the lobby. The night air had turned crisp during the time they were in the theater and he saw her pull her shawl tighter around her. He pulled off the jacket of his suit, draping it around her shoulders. “That better?”
“Thank you. Much better.” She breathed in, the jacket smelling like Angel. It put her in a happy place just to have something of his so close to her. They walked the rest of the way to the car in silence, his hand holding hers in a gesture which she only prayed was more than that of one friend to another. She didn’t want the night to end, but they weren’t that far from the hotel, and before she knew it they were walking back into the lobby. It was late and everyone else had already gone home, only a single light burning near the desk to give a little light.
“Thank you for a nice night, Angel.”
“No need to thank me, Will.” He murmured, stepping close enough to smell the sweet vanilla of the shampoo she used. “But, thank you for the company.” Then, before she could move away or say another word, he leaned down, kissing her gently. She gasped in surprise but didn’t pull away, unintentionally deepening the kiss.
‘Wha --- Angel --- kissage --- oh my --- Goddess --- nice ---‘ Her brain babbled incoherently. Then his lips were gone and he was wishing her a good night, disappearing off upstairs. To his rooms, she guessed through a haze of delighted surprise and confusion. Her fingers came up to touch her lips. Not once in months had she felt this way, this alive, this happy. Green eyes looked upwards, both at Angel and to the Powers that lay somewhere much higher than that.
“Thank you.”
And with that she made her way to her room. Despite the exciting end to the night she was tired and barely managed to take her dress off before collapsing onto the bed. She was asleep within seconds of her head hitting the pillow but somehow she knew before she abandoned herself to sleep that her dreams wouldn’t be nearly as sweet as reality had been that night.
~*~Part Twenty-Eight~*~
Angel stared at the ceiling of his room, reveling in the emotions coming through the bond he shared with the red head across the hall. She was happy. Shocked. Excited. A little scared? It seemed like she was running the full gamut of emotions, in fact, leaving out only darker ones such as anger. He certainly had knocked her for a loop. It was tempting to go over there right at that moment and take her into his arms, to kiss her throughout the night. But that wasn’t what he wanted.
No – he wanted to leave her breathless and wanting. To make her see how much he wanted her before giving her everything he could tell she wanted and craved. Not that he thought that would take very long. At this rate he’d have her in his arms in only a matter of days. Maybe even less. He hoped less, anyway.
It had been difficult to just kiss her senseless and then leave her standing there. But it had been worth it. The sweet mix of emotions he was sharing with her in their bond was like the most exotic fruit – delicious and sweet. ‘Just like her.’ He thought, grinning. Could she feel this? His happiness? He didn’t doubt it for a second. But whether or not she was in state of mind to even realize what she was feeling? That was another story entirely. She would probably be up half the night replaying the scene in her head – not that he blamed her. He’d be doing the same thing. She had been so fragile-seeming in his arms, so delicate. Her lips were soft, like silk, and he longed to kiss them again.
‘All good things come to those who wait…’ He reminded himself, sliding out of bed. Maybe a little shower would help him get to sleep.
A cold shower, that was.
~*~
‘He kissed me.’
‘Me – Shy, computer-nerdy little Willow Rosenberg.’
‘Why?’
She heard the water start in the bathroom across the hall. Someone was taking a shower at this time of night? How odd. It wasn’t enough of a disturbance to keep her from her previous line of thoughts, though, and she found herself thinking of the moment in the lobby over and over again, as if her mind was nothing more than a broken VCR hopelessly stuck on one moment in a romantic movie where the heroine just found out the hero had a crush on her. She grabbed her pillow, pushing it against her face before screaming in happiness. She had fallen asleep almost immediately upon entering her room when they got home – but dreams of the night’s events had woken her up, breathless and desiring. It was enough to make her want to scream – which she had just done, so she decided to forgo that again.
It was one thing to be happy, she knew, quite another thing entirely to feel so utterly giddy that she could hardly sit still, could barely think, and most certainly couldn’t sleep. Her body tingled with remembrance of what had happened. Why had he kissed her? And why had he stopped? She paused for a moment. Had she not kissed good enough for him? Or had it been spur of the moment and a mistake on his part?
‘Or maybe he meant to do it and *meant* to leave you hanging like that – wanting like that. Stop being so damn negative all the time.’ She told herself, bringing the pillow down from her face and clutching it against her chest. She could no longer hear the sound of water coming from the bathroom. Whoever had gone in there must have only wanted to rinse off. Which meant the bathroom was free.
And a nice, relaxing bubble bath sounded good right about now; maybe then she could get some sleep.
~*~*~
Angel didn’t wake until late the next day, though Willow wasn’t aware of that. She sat nervously down in the lobby, making small talk with Cordelia, wondering if the vampire was, for whatever reason, avoiding her. Had he woken up this morning and realized that he had made a huge mistake the night before? That would be just her luck. Stupid vampire acting on his emotions and then regretting it.
But no, there was Angel, walking down the stairs and yawning as though he had just woken up. Their eyes met and Willow felt a warmth spread over her distinctly liken to embarrassment, though she was far from embarrassed. It was more like the feeling you get when you are really happy to see someone and not sure how happy they are to see you in return. She blushed outright, though, when he smiled at her. The look was far from innocent, full of meaning. Or – she thought it was. Maybe she was just reading into things? That could possibly have been a friendly smile, like the kind she would share with Cordelia.
Or… wait…nevermind – he had just winked at her. That certainly wasn’t an innocent gesture. She looked down at the table, vaguely aware that she had nothing in front of her to even act like she was reading. A rustle of cloth, creak of a chair, and there he was, sitting next to her. “G’morning, dear heart, sleep well?”
She shivered and glanced over at Cordelia. Sometime during Angel’s walk to the table the phone had rang and now the receptionist was talking animatedly with someone on the other end of the line. From what Willow could tell the brunette didn’t have the slightest idea of what was going on only a few feet away from her. Cordelia hadn’t noticed that Angel was sitting so close he was almost touching the red head, that he had leaned over so that his mouth was almost touching her earlobe. Willow blinked, trying to control the desire she was feeling for him. “Sleep…yes. Sleep was good.” She stammered, turning to look at him.
And running right into his lips again.
This kiss was much quicker than the one the night before, he broke it off right after it began, sliding his chair back and away from her with a wink as Cordelia hung up the phone. “Who was that, Cordy?” He asked, as though nothing had happened between himself and Willow only moments before.
“Client. They’re coming in for a consultation in an hour. Something about her house being haunted. She’s bringing video.” The receptionist laughed. Her eyes glanced over Willow. What had just happened to make the little red head go completely pink in the face. A sly look at her boss confirmed that something had, indeed, happened. He was too happy, like a cat who had just gotten into the cream. She smirked, grabbing her purse. It had been beyond her wildest hopes that Angel would get together with Willow after calling things off with Buffy. She had even been tempted to play matchmaker for the two of them. But that didn’t seem like it was going to be necessary. Not with the way Willow was casting hungry looks at Angel and the return winks he was throwing her. “I’m going to lunch. See you in an hour…or two…”
“But…” Willow protested, her exclamation falling on deaf ears as the door of the hotel shut behind Cordelia. “It’s only ten in the morning…” Her heart sped up as she realized she was all alone in the lobby with Angel. And he was sitting right next to her again, close enough to touch, to smell. To kiss?
Yep – those were his lips on the back of her hand. That was his voice pleading for her to turn around and look at him. “Wills…”
The red head turned then, confusion warring with pleasure, warring with a host of other emotions she didn’t care to name. What was going on? At what point had Angel decided to become her very own personal – very personal, that was – vampire? “Angel…not that I’m not loving every minute of this but…” She shrugged, letting her question die in the air, afraid on so many different levels of what the answer could be.
“Why?” Angel asked, quietly incredulous. “Have you looked at yourself lately? You’re beautiful, smart, funny, sweet, kind, caring – I could go on with the list all day long, in fact. You’re half the reason things with Buffy and me didn’t quite work out this time. She just didn’t measure up to what I had in my mind as an ideal woman.” He took a moment to steady himself, steady the flux of emotions he was feeling from her before he continued, grasping her hand and squeezing it gently. “She didn’t measure up to *you*. I love you, Willow. Have loved you for quite a while. I’ve just been too scared to say anything. Scared I’d mess up the friendship we had.”
“Love me?” Willow’s forehead wrinkled in confusion. “You love me? Love…” She shook her head, trying to clear the cobwebs that had suddenly taken up residence. “But…” She smiled finally, letting her happiness make its way to the fore of other emotions that really didn’t mean to terribly much. She reached out, grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling him to her so that she could kiss him. He was hers. All hers. After so many nights of crying herself to sleep, of praying for a way out of the misery she had unwittingly cast upon herself; he was hers. But… “What made you decide to suddenly tell me?”
Angel shook his head. “Uh uh. Before I tell you that you have to promise me something – you won’t hold anything against anyone I may or may not mention. You have to keep in mind that they were only doing what was best for you.”
The red head nodded slowly, allowing him to gather her into his lap. She leaned against his chest, playing idly with the buttons of his shirt. His comment confused her and it didn’t immediately become clear what he meant until he spoke again.
“Two people played a part in getting me to make a move – Buffy … and Lorne.”
~*~Part Twenty Nine~*~
Willow’s mouth dropped open in surprise. “But…he promised.” She shook her head, feeling anger rise up within in her despite what she had promised Angel about not holding things against those people that had helped him with his own feelings. How could she *not* be angry with Lorne? A promise was a promise. How could she ever trust him again. ‘He should be lucky I gave up magick or else he might wake up as a pink skinned demon or…or…worse – a red and white striped demon. Candy cane anyone?’
The outrage on Willow’s face was almost enough to make Angel cringe away from her. Instead he pulled her closer, hugging her tighter. “Do you blame him, love? If he hadn’t told me we might still be where we were a week ago – you miserable and me the same, too scared to take what I wanted.” He kissed her lightly on her neck, his lips nibbling delicate lines up and down the creamy white skin. She shivered in his arms despite her anger and he smiled, doubling his efforts.
“Stop that…” The red head whispered, closing her eyes. “Hard to stay angry with Lorne if you…are…doing…that….” She broke off into an unintelligible moan, tilting her head to the side to give him better access to her neck. She didn’t worry for one second that she was sitting there baring her neck to a vampire, to one of the most cruel vampires in all of history, no less; she trusted him with her life. “So…” She murmured, trying desperately to regain her thoughts. “You know…about…” She paused. What if Lorne hadn’t told him that much? Hadn’t told him about the bond and the pact she had made with the Powers? Wouldn’t it be giving it away to ask him if he knew about it?
“I know it all, dear one.” His voice was soft, full of emotion. “I know what you did to give me my soul. I know what you gave up and how you’ve suffered. I know about the bond.” He smiled. “I don’t know how I managed to not feel it all that time – it’s hard to ignore it now that I know.”
“It is pretty powerful.” She admitted. Now his hands were on her legs, squeezing her thighs gently. It seemed as if she was about to get everything she had wanted all at once. But that’s not how she wanted things. She wanted romance, slow nights of making out for hours and then going to be frustrated and wanting. She wanted to be –ready- when it was finally time, both mentally and emotionally.
And she just wasn’t there yet.
“Do you care about me because it’s really what you feel? Or because of what I did for you? I don’t want your pity. That’s why I made Lorne promise. I didn’t want you to do anything out of appreciation…”
Angel sighed, placing two fingers beneath her chin and exerting pressure until she turned to look at him. “I knew I loved you the night Buffy and I broke up. She guessed it, even – made me admit my feelings for you before she’d let me leave the hotel…” He broke off, his eyes registering pain at the sudden flood of emotions coursing through their bond. “Oh, darling… I’m sorry. I should never have… I just needed to know that it was over between her and I – that there could never be anything else. I knew the second we began that it wasn’t going to work. I kept looking up at her face and trying to imagine someone else was there.” He sighed, shutting his eyes and trying to force down the tears he could feel forming.
“It’s okay, Angel.” Willow said at last, wiping a tear from his cheek. “I won’t say that it didn’t hurt or doesn’t still hurt – because it does. I love you. The though of you with another woman makes me want to hurl myself off of the tallest building. Though, from what I understand, that wouldn’t do anything other than bang me up really bad for a few days. I’d probably even get up and walk away.”
“How do you feel about that?” Angel couldn’t help but ask. She was immortal – more so than he was, even. Nothing could hurt her except his death. She would achieve her own humanity back only when he had earned his. Had she really been prepared for that when she had made the deal to anchor his soul. “About not being able to die?”
The former witch shrugged. “It’s hard to think about it. Things like what happened in the kitchen the other week scare me. No matter how deep I’m cut, how hard I’m hit – I’ll just bounce back better than ever. I’m going to get to watch all of my friends grow old and die. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t scary. But,” She paused, looking him fully in the eyes. “I don’t regret it for a minute. Giving you back your soul was the single greatest thing I have ever done, next to bringing Buffy back from the dead.”
“And giving me my soul back to begin with – don’t forget that.” He teased, rubbing her arm in reassurance. “You’re special, Will, there’s no doubt about that. That’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you. You give without thinking of the consequences to yourself. All that has ever mattered to you is to make everyone around you happy.”
She snorted. “Yeah right. I took Dawn to Rack’s place without a thought about anyone but myself. I was selfish and almost got her killed.”
“And you haven’t touched magick since then, right?” He prompted, giving her an admonitory glance. “You’ve been a paragon of magickal virtue, even. Haven’t you atoned for your one, tiny sin? I’ve got enough atoning to do for both of us, believe me. Why don’t you let it go? Buffy doesn’t hate you. She mentioned that she misses you, even. Xander does too. You’ve barely called them since you came to live here.”
“It’s just hard.” She sighed. “It was hard being around them every day after it first happened. And then, when I moved here, it was the perfect excuse to not have to deal with it anymore. But you’re right… No more hiding. It’s time to move on.” She felt his hands on her back again and sighed in pleasure. This was heaven – being in Angel’s arms, feeling him touch her, caress her. She was the luckiest girl in the world. When she turned their lips met, sending off sparks in her head and heart. His tongue dove into her mouth, exploring its depth, before meeting with her tongue. She moaned softly, feeling his hands on her thighs again.
”Angel…” She panted softly, pulling back from him, her eyes glazed with lust. “I want to…believe me, I do…but not yet. Soon….”
The vampire smiled, shaking his head ever so slightly. “You are amazing, Willow. I can wait until you are ready – I’ve waited this long, after all.”
“Good.” She smiled, sliding off of his lap and grabbing his hand. She pulled him to his feet and gestured towards the staircase. “Until then we can just go upstairs and…kiss…and touching is nice too…”
“Touching?” He leered, grabbing at her butt.
And Willow’s squeals echoed through the lobby of the hotel, a sure sign that everything would, indeed, be all right.
~*~Part Thirty~*~
Willow looked around her room, eyes scanning over everything, making sure things were just right – were perfect. She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and exhaling; and then again. How would she ever be able to pull this off? Seduction wasn’t exactly her forte. The four post bed had lengths of silk draped from the one corner to another, the wisps fluttering lightly in the cool air filtering in through the ventilation system. Candles were placed on her dresser and vanity, their light casting flickering shadows around the room.
And then there was her. She shivered, rubbing her arms. The lacy teddy she was wearing was the perfect color for her, according to Cordelia, who had been all too happy to help her shop for and plan this evening. The matching robe she was wearing over top of it was of the same deep green color. The only problem was that she was slowly freezing to death. If Angel didn’t knock on her door soon she was probably going to degenerate to nothing more than a Willow-sicle. ‘Of course then he can lick me back to warmth.’ She thought naughtily, grinning despite herself.
At first she had tried laying on the bed, eyes fixated on the door, head propped up. That hadn’t worked very well. It was indescribably harder to keep warm when one was lying still as opposed to standing up and, well, pacing. So she paced, and paced. He would be home any minute now. Soon he would be opening her door, walking into her arms and then –
Magic.
Not the literal kind, the kind that had gotten her in trouble what seemed like so long ago. No, she was thinking of emotional magic. The kind of sparks that two people set off when they brought their bodies into union; when their minds, bodies and souls met and mated. That was the kind of magic she was looking for tonight. It had taken her nearly a month to be ‘ready’ for this night and it was going to go perfect as long as Angel showed up before –
She froze, glancing at the door. Had that been a knock. It came again a moment later, followed by Angel’s voice. “Wills? Are you in there?” Jumping into the bed, the red head arranged herself in what she prayed was a sensual position, her heart thudding in her ears. Could he feel that in their link? Her nervousness? Her excitement?
“Come in.” She called, concentrating on breathing.
The door opened and he stepped into the room, blinking as his sensitive eyes adjusted to the darkness. “Willow, what –“ He paused, eyes widening with shocked surprise. “Sweetie?”
“Come here, my Angel.” Willow whispered, her voice husky. She worried for a moment that she had spoken too softly, that he wouldn’t hear her. But then he started moving, his eyes traveling up and down her body. Did she meet his approval? Here? Wearing practically nothing? Was she still beautiful to him?
“Perfect…” He whispered, as though he had heard her unspoken questions. “You are so beautiful; so precious.” He sat on the edge of her bed, reaching out a hand to caress her arm. The skin was freckled with goosebumps and he could understand why. How long had she been lying here, waiting for him to come home? He saw her shiver under his touch and smiled gently. Apprehension washed through the link from her to him. How could she be nervous? Didn’t she know how much he loved her? How long he had waited for this. “You are so special, Willow.”
Willow relaxed as Angel’s mouth descended upon hers, her arms coming up reflexively to wrap around his back, to pull him closer to her. The first kiss was soft, almost chaste. She felt his tongue push lightly at her lips, urging her to open to his intrusion. She parted her lips, pressing her mouth to his fully and deepening the kiss. She raked her nails lightly down his back, hard enough for him to feel it but not enough to damage the shirt he was still wearing. As his tongue entered her mouth she responded in kind, cool meeting hot, a battle of domination in their mouths, though they both would win.
His hand touched the skin of her leg, brushing lightly along her thigh and eliciting a moan from her. She pulled at his shirt, their mouths still clasped in a kiss that neither one of them wanted to end, trying to free it from the confines of his pants. The fabric gave way, loosening until she could slip her hand under the bottom of the shirt and caress the smooth skin of his back. If it was possible to die from pleasure she knew it would happen tonight. She didn’t want to rush things. Not after so long. Her fingers fumbled for the buttons of the shirt as his hand came up to her chest, the tips of his fingers brushing tentatively over her nipples, their hardness overly evident thanks to the un-concealing lace of the teddy. “Touch me, Angel…” She moaned, parting from his mouth only long enough to whisper the words before diving back in again, continuing with her goal of removing his shirt.
Angel closed his eyes, abandoning himself to the pleasures Willow was so willing to give to him. How could he say no to her? She was his life, his love. She was the very reason he was able to have this pleasure in the first place. He ran his hands along her stomach, dragging them upwards until he felt the smooth curves of her breasts with his palms. Squeezing gently, he kneaded the flesh, delighting in the small moans of pleasure she seemed so adept at making. They would have to keep thing quiet, he knew, because of Connor and Lorne being just across the hall. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t make her moan and cry out his name – she’d just have to be soft about it.
The last of the buttons gave way on Angel’s shirt and Willow pushed it down off of his shoulders, pulling his hands away from her so that she could slip it off. As the cloth went flying across the room she lowered her mouth to his chest, kissing a trail from his neckline to his belly button. She licked at the skin right above his waistband, looking up at him with a small wink as she ran her fingers lightly over his crotch of his pants and the hardness contained therein. She felt his cock move under her touch, flexing as though it would jump through his pants of its own volition. “Down boy.” She whispered, sitting up so that she could stare into her love’s eyes. Flecked with the gold of his demon, brown eyes looked at her with hunger, passion overriding everything else. She pushed lightly on his shoulders, maneuvering him so that he was lying with his head on her pillows. Only then did she stretch out next to him, her body pressed to his side. The coolness of the room no longer was a problem, now she was burning with a fire only Angel’s love could extinguish.
Their mouths met again, dispensing with the niceties of starting off slowly and instead diving straight in for a kiss so deep it left Willow breathless. She breathed deeply when they parted again before delving back in.
Angel slipped a hand between Willow’s thighs, gently parting them. He caressed the skin of her inner thigh, trailing his fingers upwards until he met with the thin fabric of the teddy. How bothersome the material suddenly seemed to be. Even through the lace he could already feel the red head’s wetness. He pushed the cloth aside, his finger gently scraping across her swollen clit. She moaned and he covered her mouth with his, silencing the sound which had been much louder than all previous ones. “Shhh…” He warned, nodding a head towards the door and the rooms across the hall. She nodded, understanding implicitly what he hadn’t said aloud. Her eyes closed, teeth biting into her lower lip in an attempt to silence herself as his fingers strummed her clit in a rapidly. Then, before she could come down from the high of that sensation, he slipped a finger into her wet folds, moving it in and out.
Willow was in heaven. Her body arched up, no longer in her control, as Angel’s fingers simulated what she prayed his cock would soon be doing to her. “Angel…please…need you…” She moaned, conscious of the need to keep her voice to a minimum. Through the bond she shared with the vampire in bed with her she could feel his own need, his own passion. Her hand snaked between them to fumble with the claspings of his pants, releasing them with a groan as his fingers once again hit a sensitive spot.
”Take this off, sweetie…” Angel murmured, gesturing towards her teddy as he stood to remove his pants, socks and shoes. He stroked his cock lightly, as he watched her slide off the bed, the tiny lace garment joining his clothes on the floor. “You are magnificent, Willow. Never doubt that.” He swept her up in his arms, their mouths meeting for another scorching kiss as he placed her gently on the bed, crawling on top of her. “Are you sure about this, my love? We can still stop –“
“Shh…” Willow hushed him. “I’m sure… Please…?” Her voice was pleading, begging, her small hand reaching between them to stroke his engorged length. She gasped in delight as his cool lips descended to her breast, suckling the nipple insistently, his teeth grazing against it. He bit down lightly, grinning inwardly as she writhed beneath him, her whispers of ‘please’ urging him on. He felt the head of his cock brush against her moist curls; felt her legs open wider to accommodate him.
And then he was in.
She cried out as he entered her for the first time. He was so much larger than Oz had been, so much thicker, and it had been so long since she had been with a man. The exquisite pain was akin to losing her virginity all over again. Through their bond she could feel Angel’s pleasure as he moved in and out of her. She moaned, smothering the cry in his mouth. He pulled out once, all the way, before pushing back into her, stretching her tightness with his thick rigidity. Now her nails were digging directly into the flesh of his back, leaving marks. It didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered except the feel of him inside of her, the sweet pressure it created within her to have him fill her in a way no one else ever had. He ground against her, his mouth nibbling at her neck. She felt his teeth graze her skin, drawing blood, and knew through their bond that this was the way it was supposed to be.
And she knew, somehow, that this was never how it had been with Buffy. She would have never been able to accept the part of him that was a ‘monster’ – the part of him that wasn’t human. But Willow could – and would. She felt her passion building to a climax, heard him growl softly as he began to thrust harder into her. He suckled gently at the small cut he had made with his teeth, the wound healing quickly.
And then – bliss. She bit her tongue to keep from crying out, drawing blood in her own mouth as she came, her body clenching around him as he, too, released his passions. His mouth came to hers, drawing her bloodied tongue into his mouth. She opened her eyes as the last of her orgasm wracked through her body, running her fingers along his face, blessedly human though she knew it had not been for part of the night. When he opened his eyes they were brown, full of love and happiness.
”I love you…” She whispered, clinging to him when he would have disengaged from her body.
“I love you, too, dear heart.” He kissed her on the forehead, then lips, before pulling himself from her body and laying down next to her, his hands making little circles on the flesh of her stomach. It was wonderful to just lay there in the aftermath, the sensations bouncing back and forth down their link.
Willow smiled, thinking on how different things were for her now. She had forsaken all chance of love, had dealt with the consequences, and then reaped the rewards. She grinned as Angel began to nibble at her earlobe, his hands traveling from her stomach to her breasts.
’I guess Angel wants to give me my reward again.’ She thought, succumbing to her growing passion. And then there wasn’t any thinking for a very, very long time.
~*~The End~*~