Disclaimer: A Sequel to Anya's Gone. The Characters mentioned and named in this story are the property of J. Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Warner Bros..etc, etc. No infringement is intended.
Buffy would remember what happened next like it was in slow motion with highlighted freeze frame images.
She had been waiting for Xander at the cemetery. She couldn't have been there for more than a few minutes when Angel showed up. It was obvious that he come to talk to her about whatever it was that he had been reluctant to bring up last night. They had only just greeted one another when she heard Xander. He shouted her name in a panicked way that warned her something was way wrong.
In some remote part of her brain she watched as Xander ran toward her, his face registering fear and determination. Somehow, someway he reached them and pushed both her and Angel out of the way just as the vampire released the arrow.
Everything froze for an instant as Buffy watched helplessly as the arrow, deprived of its primary target, proceeded to embed itself into Xander. With brutal clarity she saw it all happen - Xander's eyes widening with a mixture of pain and shock, his body thrown to the ground by the impact of the arrow slicing through him and then his still, unconscious body. Then time seemed to speed up again and the rest was a blur.
"NO! Xander!" Buffy screamed.
She wanted to rush over to him, but two more vampires joined the one that had missed Buffy with his arrow. They looked angry that their little ambush failed. A cold rage fell over Buffy and she didn't even await their attack. Buffy and Angel formed a kind of barrier between the fallen Xander and the vampires. Never with more speed did Buffy slay the vampires that came at her. She flew at them with cold efficiency and before Angel had even destroyed his one opponent, Buffy had killed her two and was already kneeling over Xander.
Xander had managed to turn just enough to keep the arrow from entering his heart. Instead it had landed in his shoulder and was sticking out front and back in a manner that made Buffy blanche upon seeing his wound more closely. She felt a hand on her shoulder and saw Angel bending down to inspect Xander's wound.
"Its a flesh wound. It's ugly, but not life-threatening," Angel pronounced. "Help me hold him up so that we can remove the arrow before he comes to," Angel instructed her. "We don't want him to be in any more pain than necessary."
Trembling she gathered him gently in an embrace, careful not to move him abruptly, while Angel painstakingly ripped the end of the arrow off and withdrew the rest of it from the other side of Xander's shoulder. They needed something to staunch the blood so Angel balled up his jacket and applied pressure on the bleeding.
"We have to get him to the hospital. He's losing blood. I'll go call the ambulance." He left quickly leaving Buffy murmuring mindless words of comfort in Xander's ear.
Xander groaned starting to come to. "Buffy?"
"I'm here, Xander. I'm right here," Buffy crooned to him. "You're going to be alright."
"Wha…what happened?" Xander asked his mind clouded by the pain.
"You saved me. Again," Buffy said shakily. "Angel's gone to get an ambulance. You're hurt but you're going to be o.k."
Xander couldn't help but joke weakly, "Jeez, I wonder how we're gonna explain this. Crazed, cross-bow accident?"
*~*~*~*
"Fools!" the Anointed One screamed. "You were supposed to bring Angelus here to me."
The vampires around him coward away from his deadly gaze. For all that he looked like a child, Colin exuded raw power.
"You attacked Angelus right in front of the Slayer! Did I have to specifically tell you to avoid her? I have less than one week to bring the Unslayable One to the Hellmouth and all you idiots can do is fail at every task I give you."
Colin - the Anointed One, took a page out of his old master's book and proceeded to rip the heart out of the messenger who had informed him of the ambush's failure. Screaming his victim fell to the ground writhing until Colin staked the heart he held in his hand. The vampires around him looked at one another in fear, wondering if they were next. Colin smiled. Intimidation and terror - they were a vampire leader's best tools.
Besides, it made him feel better.
He continued more calmly, "The Unslayable One has been remarkably elusive. But perhaps not all is lost yet. Darin!" He pointed to his most trusted servant, "Change of plans. Follow Angelus. Don't attack him. Just follow him. Got it?"
"Yes my master."
"I was going to torture him into telling me where she is, but he might have done something noble and died without giving her location. But I have a feeling that he'll lead us straight to her. Once you do find her, you can kill Angelus. But SHE comes to me alive. Take whatever resources necessary. Go now and do not fail me."
Colin sat on the throne that used to be the Master's and pondered his strategy. < If we don't find her, then all my plans have been for nothing. But I won't fail. She will be brought to me and she will bind herself to me. It is written, so it shall be. >
*~*~*~*
It was well into the morning hours when Giles entered the library. Deeply absorbed in a manuscript that he was reading, he didn't see the vampire lurking in the shadows. Finally looking up, he noticed and literally jumped in surprise. "Oh goodness, gracious. Y-you startled me, Angel. I guess I'm not used to you just popping up anymore."
"I'm sorry," Angel said apologetically.
"No, quite alright." Giles waved his hands in a dismissive motion. "What are you doing here at this time of day?"
"I came because I wanted to talk to you. I couldn't wait any more," Angel started, then hesitated. For some reason, Angel hadn't been able to tell all of them the first night he arrived about Willow's disappearance. He had planned to, but then he hadn't known *how* to tell them. He dreaded seeing the condemnation in their eyes for the failure he saw in himself. So he had stayed silent.
Now Giles was going to be the first one he told. Last night he tried to tell Buffy about it. Granted, he *hadn't* told Buffy, but that wasn't his fault. He had begun to and then after the attack and with Xander injured, it just had not the time for confessions. In a way he was most apprehensive about telling Giles. Angel respected him and knew him to be a fair man. But it was the promise to Giles before he had left Sunnydale, that he would do everything in his power to always watch over Willow, that gave an added sense of failure in Angel's mind.
Still not looking Giles in the eye, Angel continued, "I didn't tell you everything the other night about Willow."
Giles furrowed his brow, a look of worry came over his face. He waited apprehensively for Angel to go on.
"Willow left Rome about a month ago. She just…left me. I don't know where she went. I've spent the last month searching for her all over Europe. But its like she vanished without a trace!" Angel's lips tightened in a thin line of frustration.
Giles was disturbed by this news. He took off his glasses and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Why didn't you tell this to us sooner?"
"I…its my fault. She left because of me." Angel hung his head dejectedly at the admission. "Here." He handed Willow's letter over to Giles who read it intently.
Finishing Giles rested his hand on Angel's shoulder to show his lack of condemnation. Giles said quietly, "Its not your fault. Willow is a very giving person. If she thought for one moment that you'd be happier here, even if you wouldn't be, then she'd do everything in her power to make sure that you'd be able to come back."
"I have to find her Giles. She's all alone out there," Angel said passionately.
Giles thought for a moment and then said, "Well, knowing Willow wouldn't you say that she probably used one of those infernal machines to plan where she was going to go. Or using one even now. We should ask Jenny. She'd be the only one able to track her."
"Track who?"
Fortuitously, Giles and Angel turned around to see Ms. Calendar coming into the library. Quickly they filled her in on the situation and she went to work immediately.
With Giles leaning over Ms. Calendar's shoulder, both for curiosity and for other reasons that were none of Angel's business, Angel had nothing better to do than pace back and forth across the library. He happened to look in Giles office and a picture caught his eye. It was a picture of Buffy, Xander, Willow and Giles looking happy and carefree. Picking up the photo, his gaze was drawn to Willow.
He felt his heart contract painfully. Angel could hardly believe that Willow had left him. He had barely finished reading her good-bye letter before he was out the door, desperately trying to see if he could find her and stop her. But he had already been too late. He had searched continuously for a month, but four days ago he returned back to Rome after criss-crossing Europe feeling defeated.
Yet after only one night of imagining her in all the places they had been to together, after only one day of staying in what had become their home, he left again. It was then that he had decided to come back to Sunnydale. He didn't quite know why, but he felt the key to finding Willow was here.
He glanced at the picture again and focused on Buffy. When he had left Sunnydale, it had felt like he was leaving a part of himself behind. She had been the first person he had cared about in so long. His love for Buffy had been a love in its beginning stages but desperate and very real. There would have been so much to overcome, yet it was dangerous and exciting to want what was denied them. It had been an intense relationship. But now coming back and seeing her only confirmed what he had already known. He would always care for Buffy and admire her courage, character and beauty, but he just didn't love her anymore.
Not the way he loved Willow.
He shifted his focus to look at Willow again. He looked ruefully at her image. Vampires didn't have reflections and they certainly didn't have their pictures taken. < There aren't going to be any more photos to capture her sweet smile, or the brightness of her eyes, or the red halo of her hair. >
Angel laughed mockingly at himself for rhapsodizing over his love.
Ever since Willow had kissed him with the most innocent, yet the most stirring kiss he'd ever been given, Angel realized that he had fallen in love with her. The kiss had deeply touched and awed him. It had been the spark that made him realize the truth. Somewhere along the line he had unknowingly fallen in love with her. For Willow was able to look at him with an almost piercing clarity. Really look at him. She had a way of seeing past years of carefully constructed defenses designed to protect his wounded heart, his battered soul. She had discovered a breach in his security and had slipped right in when he wasn't looking. And through her, he discovered that love was not only about fierce emotions and physical attraction, but also the day-to-day caring and quiet connection between two souls.
< She loves Xander, though. > The thought knifed through Angel.
Willow had always been very honest, almost transparent about her feelings for Xander. When it had come to Buffy, Angel had been a little jealous of Xander. The boy's patent crush on Buffy not withstanding, Xander could be there for Buffy in the daylight where Angel himself could not, in ways he could not. Now his jealousy of Xander threatened to choke Angel with its intensity. When he had first seen Xander the other day, Angel had wanted to thrash him for just existing.
< That boy didn't even realize what was right under his nose. Willow's love for him was something he took for granted. I would never do that. Not if she loved me! >
A girl like Willow would never love lightly. Her loves and her loyalties were constant. That was why despite Angel's love for her, he had not allowed himself to tell her.
He closed his eyes. < I thought I had time, time for Willow to maybe change her feelings toward me. I didn't want to rush things. She had been through so much in the last year. I didn't want to add my love as a possible burden to her if she didn't return my feelings. Besides I was still happy being there for her, being with her. >
Angel had had the expectation that they could just continue as they had in Rome. Because, although he wanted so much to show his love to Willow, for the first time in over 80 years and perhaps even in his whole long life-time, he had had a true friendship. Willow's companionship had lit his world with new and wondrous emotions. They had done everything together and could talk about anything. During their time together in Rome he had felt happier than in any time he could ever remember.
Besides he had felt he could afford to be patient. They would have lifetimes together. So he thought he could wait and hope for her to develop deeper feelings. But then the week before Willow had left, he had known that something had changed and before he knew it she was gone. Her farewell letter to him was so bitterly ironic. His heart was not in Sunnydale.
It was wherever Willow was.
Angel whispered longingly at her image in the photograph, "Where are you Willow?"
Part 10
Buffy was in her bedroom throwing some supplies and weapons into a bag. She thought that she would go hunting. She wanted to lose herself in the simple clarity of slaying and ridding the world of some more vamps. Because if she got rid of enough of those bastards then maybe, just maybe, she wouldn't have to worry that Xander might be killed by them someday like he had almost been killed last night.
Her night and day since then had been filled with the remembrance of those heart pounding seconds when her world had been narrowed down to the flashing images of Xander shouting and then falling before the point of the arrow that had been meant for her.
Buffy drew a ragged breath and tried to clear her mind of it all. A noise outside her window caught her attention. Thankful of the disruption she leaned out slightly and saw Angel just outside.
Seeing her Angel called out softly up to her, "Buffy. Can I come in?"
"Wait, hold on actually. I'll be right down." She threw down her bag and a few moments later she was down in the ground next to him. "You just caught me. I was just about to head out for the night."
"I'm glad that I was in time then." Looking more closely at her pale face and eyes ringed by lack of sleep Angel asked, "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine." Buffy drew her hand through her hair in a self-conscious gesture knowing that she looked like hell.
"How's Xander?" Angel asked intently.
"He's o.k. I talked to him a little while ago. Thank you for helping Xander last night. I wouldn't have know what to do with an arrow wound like that," she said gratefully.
"It's no problem," Angel shrugged. "It was the least I could do. He's the one who saved us from that ambush."
"Yah and was almost killed," she said in nearly a monotone that didn't quite cover her horror.
"But he's o.k.," Angel said trying to assuage her.
"This time," Buffy shook her head despairingly. "I can't do this. I can't watch him get hurt or get killed because of me."
Angel gave her a long considering look. "You love him don't you." It was more of a statement than question.
Her response was automatic. "Of course I love him. He's my best friend."
"Buffy. Look at me, " Angel demanded. Her eyes met his and Angel said distinctly, "You're IN love with him."
Buffy's mouth opened, but she remained speechless for a moment. Her initial reaction was denial. Then instead of responding she asked, "Why on earth would you say that?"
"Buffy, I told you that things have changed. I was looking for you the other night at the Bonze and I saw you dancing with him. I had a pretty good inkling then. Last night I was certain of it."
Buffy remembered exactly how she felt when she and Xander had been dancing at the Bronze. And last night, her heart felt as if it had been shredded when Xander had been hurt. Then various other images of them together over the last year flooded her mind. It all added up to one crystalline clear truth. < I do love Xander. >
"I don't know what to say," Buffy faltered. She couldn't look Angel in the eye. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him. "I want to tell you that I'm still in love with you Angel, but…it's not true anymore."
Angel hurried to reassure her, "Buffy it's alright I understand. I never expected you to wait for me. Don't feel bad about this, about me. Things are different and I've changed too. The paths we've taken have lead us to different places."
His words were sincere and without any recriminations and understanding dawned on Buffy, "You're not in love with me anymore either are you?"
Now it was Angel's turn to shift his eyes away from hers. He felt freed by Buffy's words, free to love Willow without any reproach. He was truly glad that Buffy had found love. < Hell, Xander may even deserve her love now. > But still, he felt he shouldn't feel quite so relieved.
"Buffy I'll always love you, just not the way…." his voice trailed off.
"You don't have to explain anything. Its like you said we've both changed." Buffy sighed, "Why can't things be simple?"
Angel gave her a half-smile, "It is simple. You've found someone to love who loves you back."
Buffy's brain was analyzing and re-analyzing things. The romantic feelings that Xander once had for her had seemed to disappear over time. He had certainly never let on that he still loved her that way. Maybe now it was too late to go back. "I don't know Angel. Things do change and Xander may have been in love with me once, I'm not so sure he does now."
"I've seen the way he looks at you. Xander loves you," Angel stated categorically. < I can't believe I'm playing matchmaker! > he thought almost amused.
"You think so?" Buffy's eyes were wide with hope.
Angel raised one eyebrow in disbelief. "I don't see how you can doubt it. If he's not in love with you, I'll-I'll drink rat's blood for the rest of my unnatural life!"
Buffy scrunched her nose at the disgusting thought. She didn't know that much about Angel's eating habits, other than the fact he didn't dine on human blood. But she *did* know that as far as substitutes went, rat was as low as you could go. "Yew! O.K., alright! You must be pretty sure to go with that bet."
"I'm sure."
Their conversation, which happily tied up the loose ends of their relationship, had lifted both their spirits, but Angel still had to tell her about his original purpose in coming to see her. "I'm leaving tonight," he said abruptly. "I didn't want to leave this time without a good-bye."
"Tonight?" Buffy was definitely taken aback. "You're leaving so soon? It doesn't have anything to do with me does it?"
"No. Of course not."
"O.k. Angel, spill." Buffy said bluntly. "There's this look in your eyes. Something's going on here. I want to know what it is and I want to know right now."
Angel told her in detail about why and when Willow had left Rome and his own search for her. While he spoke, Buffy's eyes widened with shock but she didn't interrupt.
When he'd finished she merely said, "It sounds like something Willow would do. Why does she always have to be so damn noble." Buffy shook her head, desperately worried again now about her friend.
Angel saw her anxiety and said resolutely, "I'm going to find her."
"I know you will. And when you see her Angel - tell her that we miss her and that we love her."
"I will. I promise." Angel opened his mouth to start to say good-bye but Buffy stopped him.
"Don't. Don't say good-bye, just…see you later. Okay?"
Angel reached down to hug his former love good-bye. He still felt so much tenderness toward her and was gladdened that they would part friends. Stepping back a little he smiled and said, "See you later Buffy."
Angel looked up then and met Xander's stricken eyes.
Xander had come to Buffy's house to let her see how well he was doing and how quickly he was recovering. The scene that greeted him at her house had been to his defeated gaze quite the lover's tryst. Angel and Buffy stood beneath the light which filtered down from her bedroom window, romantically silhouetted in the dark of the evening. Xander had watched them embrace and seeing Buffy looking up at Angel with her head tilted back as if waiting for a kiss, Xander felt his heart crumble into little pieces. His eyes locked momentarily with Angel's when the vampire looked up to see him standing there frozen in place. Xander fancied a silent communication passed between them. < You win Angel. >
Xander didn't need or want to see anymore. He swiftly turned around and nearly ran in the direction of his house.
Letting Buffy go, Angel nodded in the direction of his retreating figure. "Xander -he saw us. I think he has the wrong impression."
"Oh no!" Buffy stood for a moment not knowing what to do.
"Go after him Buffy and tell him how you feel. More than that show him." Angel prodded.
"Thanks." Buffy hugged him one more time before leaving.
"Good luck," Angel wished sincerely.
Buffy, already running after Xander, turned around. "You too Angel!"
Angel gave a bitter-sweet smile. He had the distinct feeling that Buffy had a glimmer of understanding about his feelings toward Willow. He pulled out from his pocket the printout that Ms. Calendar had given him. Clutching it in his hand he too left.
He had a plane to catch.
*~*~*~*
Buffy jogged, slowing down from her near sprint as she neared Xander. "Xander wait!" she called out to him.
Xander took a deep breath. He turned around and was astonished as Buffy threw herself against him and kissed him lingeringly on his lips.
"W-w-what was that for?" Xander stammered, his eyes wide.
"Something we should have done that a long time ago!" Buffy whispered. The kiss had been totally unplanned, but it took her breath away and she couldn't help herself as she went in to kiss him again.
But Xander held her back, "Are you possessed? You've got to be possessed!"
"I'm not possessed Xander," Buffy said now hesitant. This wasn't exactly the reaction she had been hoping for.
"I mean, but I thought…you, Angel…" he sputtered. At this point rational sentence structure was almost beyond him.
"Angel's leaving. He's going back to Europe."
Her matter of fact tone confused Xander. "I don't understand. I thought that Angel came back for you and that you were going to be together," he said his eyebrows drawn together in an expression of bewilderment.
"For the longest time I thought I loved Angel. I mean until he came back, I just assumed that I still loved him. But I don't. There just isn't the same feelings there had been between us. I don't feel the same way about him because of you," she said earnestly.
"If you're possessed I gotta tell Giles not to be too quick to find a spell to reverse this." Xander was dazed by this complete change from what he had been feeling only a short time ago. < This is just not happening. It's a dream. I've completely lost it and am now totally immersed in a fantasy world. That has to be it. >
"I told you, I'm in complete control of myself and I know exactly what I'm saying." Buffy paused and then plunged ahead. "I love you."
"Oh god, Buffy," Xander almost groaned. "Please don't say that unless you really mean it. I've loved you for so long and hearing you say it seems almost unreal."
Happiness shot through Buffy as she realized what he just admitted. "I love you Xander and I'll keep saying it until you believe it."
"You're going to be saying it a lot then. But wait, so what I saw just now at your house was a good-bye clinch?" Xander raised his eyebrows.
"No. Well, yes," Buffy said a little flustered.
"Oh, yah. Now that's real clear."
"Well it wasn't a clinch! It was just good-bye." Seeing a remnant of disbelief in his face she continued. "Listen to me Xander. Angel was my first love, my first infatuation and all. But I've gotten over him. Completely. I know that I can go on without him. I wouldn't be able to go on without you. You're everything to me."
Searching Buffy's eyes, Xander saw only conviction and love. To his wonderment and awe he realized this woman really and truly loved him. Xander's heart pounded slow painful beats against his chest. It felt as if he was about to burst with happiness.
"I love you Buffy," he said hoarsely.
His hands came up to cup her face, and he leaned down and kissed her. Savoring the contact, for long moments he only brushed his lips against hers. Then the slow, sweet kiss deepened and they lost themselves in each other. Buffy's arms were twining themselves around his neck when she accidentally brushed up against a sensitive area of his shoulder. Xander couldn't help but winced slightly.
"Oh god. I'm sorry did I hurt you?" Buffy suddenly realized.
"I'm fine. Its just a scratch," he tried to scoffed at her concern. "And really, honestly if you give me another kiss like that, I bet it'll make all the hurt go bye-bye."
But all Buffy's worry and pain of the last twenty-four hours resurfaced and overwhelmed her. "No. Don't brush this off. I almost lost you last night! And I…" Her eyes began to brim with tears. "The life span of your average slayer isn't all that long Xander, and I don't want to spend the rest of mine bringing flowers to your grave. Promise me. Promise that you won't ever do that again!"
"Promise what?" he demanded. "That I won't do everything in my power to make sure that you don't get hurt? That I won't put myself in danger to save you? Fine. I will. But only if you promise the same exact thing."
Buffy looked away from him, "You know I can't do that."
"Neither can I," he said intensely. "I love you too much."
Buffy just leaned against him, wishing with all her might that they could be a regular pair of teenagers in love, that they didn't have to constantly worry about who was going to try and kill them next. Finally she looked up at him and said gravely, "Then I suppose there's only one thing we can do."
"What's that?" Xander asked uncertainly.
"Make the most of the time we have." Buffy kissed
him once more and whispered against his mouth, "Let's not waste another
minute."