Disclaimer: A Sequel to Anya's Gone. The Characters mentioned and named in this story are the property of J. Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Warner Bros..etc, etc. No infringement is intended.
Giles sat on his sofa, his hand was rubbing the bridge of his nose which was what he always did when stressed. But this time it was more than just stress, it was misery and utter dejection. The Hellmouth was closed forever, no evil would ever rise from it again. But it came with too heavy a price.
He felt hands rest on his shoulders and a soft cheek brush up against his own. He took one of those hands and brought it to his lips. Jenny Calendar made her way around the sofa and sat on his lap.
Jenny had not known Willow as well as the rest of the group, but Willow's keen mind and bright spirit had touched her life. So if it was difficult for her to accept her death, than it must be doubly so for Rupert. Jenny wanted so much to take away his pain. She brushed her lips against his forehead and then his temple and down his jaw. She kissed him lightly on the lips just before he broke out into a muffled cry. His dam of grief flooded open. Giles had had to keep it together for Buffy and Xander's sakes. He had deliberately bottled his emotions but now Jenny's gentle, unassuming display of affection and support finally broke through his defenses.
But Giles didn't have long to indulge his grief, for almost at once his door bell began to ring insistently. Composing himself while Jenny answered the door, he stood up to find a stranger being ushered in.
It was Brother Lugo.
Introductions were barely made before the agitated monk burst out, "Willow. I read the signs and know what's happened. We must save her."
"I'm afraid it's too late. Willow is…she's already dead." Giles shoulders slumped and he sat down again as if weighted down by the added responsibility of having to inform yet another person of what had occurred.
Shocked, Brother Lugo exchanged a glance with Jenny who nodded miserably. "Then, then you've severed the bond?" the monk asked urgently. Seeing the incomprehension, he stated, "You don't know."
As inconceivable as it seemed, renewed anxiety wound its way into Giles' stomach.
"We must rescue her before the sun sets on this day. We must sever the bond and save her," Brother Lugo repeated himself feverishly.
"Save her? She's DEAD!" Giles said bluntly, hating himself even as he spoke the harsh words. But Willow *was* dead, there was nothing more any of them could do for her.
"No. Not her life. Her soul. Don't you understand? Her soul is bound to the Anointed One's." The monk stared at Giles. "Willow is in hell!"
*~*~*~*~*
Angel stood. Still. Motionless. Staring at Willow as he had done for the last hour. Mechanically, Angel had carried her body away from the Hellmouth, out of that accursed place. He took her to his apartment, laying out her body in a bitter imitation of a wake. Yet his mind could not wrap itself around the reality that Willow was dead. He was trapped in riddles of endless wondering on how he might have changed things, a gossamer thread of sanity, seeking, venturing for any alternatives to this horrible reality.
His eyes opaque with pain, Angel couldn't begin to say how having Willow in his life had gentled his world. The wreckage of his life -- the dreams that had gone awry, the ones that never had a chance of coming to fruition -- Willow could have made right. For all those lost paths weren't the ones that had led him to her.
But now she was gone.
Forevers seem to have been laid aside by a fate that rent and clawed at his soul. What did he have to look forward to now? He had lived for over two hundred years, most of them as a monster and he had continued on after regaining his soul with the thought to redeem himself. But grief like a blade pierced him and Angel wouldn't just allow the pain to fester and kill him with uncaring apathy. His pitiless existence was long past the time to be ended. It wasn't long now. He only waited for nightfall. Then he would bury Willow's body, and come morning, Angel would allow the sun's rays to turn him to ashes over her grave.
His hand drifted to her face and at first, he only brushed a strand of hair from her forehead. Then, his fingertips smoothed along the soft skin of her cheek. Over and over, he repeated the caress.
Obliquely Angel heard the door to his apartment being pounded on. He didn't move. He didn't care.
In the end Buffy had to bust down the door.
Right behind her was Xander, Giles, Brother Lugo and Ms. Calendar. Buffy and Xander had not been told anything yet but the news that there was a situation related to Willow had sent them all charging immediately over to Angel's place. Then Brother Lugo once again related exactly why he had come to Sunnydale.
His words were electric.
Stricken even more than any of them could have imagined before, none had considered this possibility. That she died had been terrible enough. That Willow, who knowingly had sacrificed herself for them, who embodied all the good in their lives, might at this moment be in hell was beyond unthinkable.
"I found all this out by reading of a similar instance." Brother Lugo told them all. "As you know, when I helped Willow destroy her demon, the information we used had been provided by a priest, the confidant of a young girl who had been made a vampire in circumstances similar to that of Willow's. Studying and researching led me to more information on her fate. This girl destroyed her vampiric demon and in the end she became intent on destroying her sire Rapano too. Finding no other way to carry out her plans, she fooled Rapano into undergoing the Ritual of Binding with her. She knew it would have no effect on her and that during the time of their bond she could kill herself and thus kill Rapano as well. She put a stake through her heart. It was quite effective, both she and Rapano perished."
Brother Lugo's audience was held in rapt attention. The correlations to and the differences in Willow's situation were quickly formed in their minds.
"One thing that is quite clear was that before she decided on her course, she went to her priest for absolution and made him promise to free her soul from the bond with Rapano, and release her soul from hell. This was all very interesting, but when I read the latest prophesy, the very one that Mr. Giles discovered, and when I came to understand it and the import of its effect on Willow, I hurried here to Sunnydale as soon as I could. I have here with me that same releasing spell for Willow. Ms. Calendar has said that she will help me prepare everything that we need. It isn't too difficult to break the bond, but it needs to be done before sundown. If we wait longer than that the next time we can try is next year on this day and even then it won't have as good of a chance of succeeding as it will today. So we have no time to waste."
Xander burst in excitedly, "Once Willow's cut loose from the Anointed One, she'll be able to come back to her body, right?"
"The bond should be broken, releasing Willow's soul, but I have no idea how to guide her soul back to her body or if it's even possible."
"Isn't there something we can try?" Buffy asked.
Giles shook his head and Brother Lugo looked equally at a loss.
Xander turned to Angel abruptly. "What about your blood and all the vampire stuff?"
"Have Angel become a second kind of sire, you mean?" Brother Lugo said thoughtfully. There was silence for a moment as he examined the suggestion seriously. "It might work."
"But there's also the chance that it'll only resurrect the demon in her body," Giles interjected. "Her soul might then be trapped elsewhere after we release it from hell."
"I can't do that," Angel said slowly.
They were running out of options and Xander couldn't believe that Angel was unwilling to even make an effort. "If you cared for Willow at all you'd try," he yelled.
"I LOVE her!" Angel lashed back. "But I wouldn't do that to her. Put a demon back in her body? She'd rather be dead! And if the worst happened, I-I couldn't even give her peace. I could never…. release her."
"She doesn't have time for this. I'll take responsibility. I'll-I'll do whatever needs to be done. No matter what the consequences." Xander's red rimmed eyes showed an unwavering resolve in that vow. "So long as she gets a chance!"
Buffy held Xander's hand and added her voice to his. "Try Angel? We HAVE to try something."
Angel's uncertainty was outweighed by their insistence. He glanced at Giles who tacitly made his decision in favor of this desperate plan. It seemed ultimately that Xander had enough hope and belief for them all.
*~*~*~*~*
It was dark.
So very, very dark.
t was the total absence of light.
The total absence of hope.
The total absence of anything that kept one sane.
In the deepest depths of Hell, Willow didn't even try to contemplate what this existence was like. To describe Hell as an endlessly desolate landscape was to do injustice to the perfect inky blackness and emptiness throughout. There were no infernal spheres of sin, no devises of torment, no pits of burning damnation. There was nothing. Nothing except the beings that were banished here.
But that was torture enough. For there was nothing worse that could be done to the denizens of Hell than what they did to each other. Demons, vampires and hosts of other unspeakable entities, as well as a few human souls who, despite canonical indoctrination, were an exception here since there were only people who truly had earned the label 'monster' - these all wandered blindly about the void, wreaking havoc upon one another as was their inescapable nature to do so.
Willow was oddity in Hell. She kept very still, avoiding any and all who might have preyed on her. She didn't know how long she'd been here. Time was of little consequence and meditation of an eternity here would lead to utter insanity. Instead she withdrew inside herself, centering her being in the one place in Hell that held even a spark of real humanity.
Suddenly, Willow felt herself jerk upward. Freed from whatever numinous tether which held her, she felt the sensation of her soul floating up, up like a balloon released from its mooring. Alarmed at first, then filled with a shimmering hope, Hell slowly melted away from Willow as darkness does with the rising of the morning sun.
Strangely, Willow then found herself hovering over her body. Curiously she looked down at the scene below her. All of her friends were with her, each willing her to return to them. Somehow, perhaps in a divine inspiration, Willow understood that she was being given a choice. It wasn't an easy one. She could come back to her body or she could continue on, to follow the indescribable beauty of the call strumming through her being -beckoning her with the promise of ineffable peace.
Willow gazed one last time at the dear faces of her friends, lingering on Angel's before determining her course. Then her soul's ephemeral form vanished.
*~*~*~*~*
The minutes ticked by with agonizing speed. None of them knew if the results would be immediate, but it seemed that the longer it took for something to happen, the less likely that Willow would come back to them.
Brother Lugo sighed deeply. The spell had worked, of that he was sure. Getting Willow back alive had been the long shot. At least her soul was at rest. Nevertheless, he wished he could alleviate the pain of this disappointment, this final blow to all their hopes. He didn't know Willow's friends very well, but he could tell that they were brave, good people devastated by her death.
And Angel - whose face looked as if it were carved from stone - how tragic this was for him. Brother Lugo shook his head as he sadly pondered the vampire with a soul. This had been a solitary man. A man who did not smile easily, who was not prone to laughter, who expected no happiness in his life. Yet he had begun to do all those things during the time he had been with Willow, and Brother Lugo had been witness to this slow transformation. Although the monk admitted he was not well versed in matters of the heart, it had been manifestly transparent that Willow and Angel loved one another. Brother Lugo mourned especially for Angel's terrible loss.
Another minute passed by and still there was nothing. The silence was nearly unbearable.
Angel's eyes fell from Willow's face to gaze unseeing at the ground. He could no longer look at her and cope in front of everyone. He had only done his part in this plan for Xander and Buffy's sake. Angel hadn't retained any real hope that this would work, it had died for him along with Willow. Nevertheless, he felt broken and shattered inside.
Yet as he looked up once more, Angel froze.
Wild hope and equally wild fear, that what he saw wasn't real, rushed through him with painful intensity --
-- Willow's eyes moved again, then fluttered open.
Part 18
"Willow!" Angel's hoarse whisper held an equal measure of disbelief and hope. His restrained exclamation was followed at once by murmurs of excitement from the others as everyone began to crowd around Willow.
Willow opened her eyes to look blearily around her, trying to focus on the faces hovering around her field of vision. The first face she saw clearly was Angel's. Lingering for a moment on him, her gaze then wandered to notice Buffy, Giles, Xander, Ms. Calendar and Brother Lugo all looking back at her with restrained euphoria.
"Hi guys," she said shakily. "Wha-what's going on?"
The pandemonium that erupted at her simple greeting confused Willow, and her friends were too busy crying and hugging her and hugging each other to fill her in just yet, as all-encompassing, overwhelming relief washed over them.
Willow's memories were blurred as to what exactly happened after she closed the Hellmouth. She clearly remembered the powerful surge of energy running through her as she sealed the Hellmouth, then random images. Then nothing. Despite her puzzlement though, Willow made no attempt to rationalize the wonder of their reunion. They were all safely together again. All of them. And at that moment, it was more than enough.
Neither Xander nor Buffy would pry themselves away from Willow, so it was a while before she could finally ask what happened. Taking turns, Giles and Brother Lugo alternately told Willow what had happened to her.
"So you're telling me that I was in hell?" Willow swallowed hard.
With the grim nods answering her question, Willow shuddered inwardly. When she had decided on her course of action, she understood that she would die with the Anointed One. But evidently, she had only known part of the consequences. She hadn't even considered where she might end up once she died. Fortunately, her stint in hell was a blank.
"Thank you," Willow said in a small voice. "For...for not giving up on me."
"Never Wills," Buffy's beautiful smile was radiant and she once again clung to Willow in a hug tight enough to crack the ribs of a non-immortal being.
In turn, Xander tugged both of them to him. Holding one girl in each arm, he silently made known the kind of joy that came from having his loved ones save and close to him.
Angel looked on with an odd feeling of discomfort and vague discontent. With the reuniting of friends and with all the explanations, he'd yet to touch or to even really say anything to Willow.
Angel realized then that he was actually jealous. He'd had Willow all to himself for so long that sharing her, even with her friends, was something that engendered these unworthy feelings in him. And the green-eyed monster did not spare Angel from placing particular significance to Willow and Xander's interaction. Unfortunately, snatching Willow away was not an option and so, also being somewhat ashamed of these feelings, Angel merely stood silently in the background. Brooding.
Xander asked suddenly, "Will? You're back in Sunnydale for good now, aren't you? I mean you're not going to leave again, right?"
Everyone looked at Willow expectantly.
Willow gave a sideways glance at Angel for some sign of what she should say. But his inscrutable face gave no clue as to what her answer should be. So she said honestly, "I-I haven't given it much thought actually."
"There's nothing for you to be afraid of here. Not anymore," Buffy declared.
Willow shook her head. She couldn't tell them that so much of her decision depended on Angel. Willow sensed that if she wanted to stay in Sunnydale, Angel would stay as well. When he found her in Ireland, Angel had made it clear that he missed her, that he valued their friendship. Valuing it perhaps even above and beyond his own feelings about remaining in Sunnydale. For staying would mean that Angel would continually have to see Buffy and Xander together. There was no way that Willow wanted him to be hurt anymore than he already had been. That Angel wanted her in his life, even knowing it was to be only as a friend, Willow was willing to go wherever, as long as she was with him.
Not able to say any of that, Willow merely said, "It's not that simple. If I come back, there's a lot I'd have to consider."
The urge to pace in her agitation overwhelmed her and Willow started to get up from the bed. But she was more exhausted than she realized. Standing, she felt weak in the knees and began to sway.
Instantly, Angel was there, his arms around her waist supporting her. "Are you alright?"
Worry registered on the faces around her, but Willow brushed it off saying, "I'm fine. Really, I am!" She added wryly, "I guess dying just really takes it out of you."
"You shouldn't be up and around yet," Angel admonished her and then swung her up into his arms to put her on his couch. Before setting Willow down though, he hesitated for the barest fraction of a moment. He finally had her in his arms and he didn't want to let go. But despite his reluctance, Angel relinquished his cherished burden.
Giles cleared his throat, "We should all leave and allow Willow some time to rest, to recover from this ordeal."
"Uh, yah. That's probably a good idea. Besides, we'll talk to you tomorrow," Xander assured her as Willow started to protest a little. "Rest up. Okay, Wills?"
Willow nodded and Xander bent down to kiss her forehead in good-bye.
Seeing this, Angel gritted his teeth and left the room, nearly stalking out, to accompany Giles, Jenny and Brother Lugo outside.
Now that Angel wasn't present, Willow was able to say to both Buffy and Xander, "By the way, you two should know that I'm really happy for the both of you. About being together I mean."
Xander stuttered, "H-how...?"
Buffy's face blushed fiery red, "You-you don't mind?"
Willow grinned. "We'll definitely have lots to talk about tomorrow."
Buffy and Xander just looked at Willow and then at each other. Finally, bemused and shrugging their shoulders, they said their good-byes.
Once outside, they passed by the rest of the group who were discussing how Willow seemed to be doing.
"Is she really going to be alright now?" Angel asked them urgently.
Brother Lugo said, "I can't see any reason why not."
But Angel's concern was not so easily overcome. "She shouldn't be so weak, should she?"
"I'm sure it's perfectly natural considering all she's been through," Jenny replied trying to reassure him.
"And just to be on the safe side, why don't we meet tomorrow and then explore any possible side-effects of her experiences then," Giles counseled.
"Willow said she wanted to talk to us tomorrow anyway," Buffy told them. With a raised eyebrow and a wry smile to Xander, she communicated with him in a secret code that seemed known only to the two of them.
Nodding in response to her, Xander said, "We'll bring her to the library after we talk to her."
Observing this interplay it was apparent to Angel that since he'd last seen them, Buffy and Xander had affirmed their feelings for each other. And if possible, their love for one another had grown. Grown in the way that only a mutual passion can. It had become a tangible thing, a spark that flew between them at moments like this, which screamed to the world that they were two halves of a whole. What they had was to be envied. And Angel did envy them, because it was what he longed to feel between Willow and himself.
Breaking into Angel's thoughts, Buffy suggested, "Why don't we meet at 9?"
Agreeing, Angel bid them all goodnight and went back inside to Willow. He approached Willow, who despite herself had fallen asleep on the couch. Figuring she'd only close her eyes for a moment, instead Willow had dozed off with her head lolling against her shoulder. Angel, seeing her asleep, however irrationally, thought that she was dead. For a soul-destroying moment he stood rooted to the spot, unable to move. Then Willow sighed in her sleep and shifted her position a little. Angel closed his eyes and groaned, realizing that it would be a long time before he'd stop having flash backs of her lying dead in his arms whenever she closed her eyes.
The need to be in contact with her overwhelmed Angel. He walked over to her and trembling, he collapsed at her feet. Wordlessly, in the gesture of a tired and weary child coming home, he laid his head on her lap.
Willow stirred from her sleep. Waking, she looked down finding Angel with his arms about her waist and his face buried in her lap. She couldn't ever remember seeing Angel look quite so vulnerable. She reached out to comfort him, her hand hanging uncertainly over him before resting on his head.
Angel nestled his face against the soft fabric of her dress as Willow's fingers lightly brushed away his dark locks from his face. And with the gentlest touch, Willow's other hand stroked his cheek.
"Don't," Angel said quietly after a few moments. "Don't leave me again, Willow. I don't think I could go through that another time."
Willow felt his shudder and heard his voice breaking with anguish as he spoke. "I won't Angel," she murmured in his ear. "I won't leave again. I promise."
Despite her words, he sat up agitated. "You don't know what it was like for me thinking that you were gone, that you were...dead! That there was nothing that could bring you back."
"I DO know!" she asserted almost fiercely, remembering the anguish that had ripped through her when Colin had gleefully told her about having had Angel killed. "The Anointed One told me that they'd killed you in Ireland. And I believed it. I thought I'd lost you too. It was..." Willow broke off, shaking her head. "How, Angel? How did you escape from that?"
"I had to get to you."
His simple response shook Willow.
Then words began to spill out of Angel, "I told myself that I wasn't going to tell you. At least not tonight and not just bursting out with it like this. But I can't not tell you. I had the chance before you...left, and now that you're back - I have to say it. I have to."
Angel paused the torrent of words to steady himself and then continued more calmly. But his usually opaque eyes reflected the whirlwind of his emotions. "Last year when we left Sunnydale together, I knew then that you were someone special. Someone worth caring about. And while we were in Rome, the more time we spent together, the more I knew I was right. Believe me Willow, those days in Rome were the happiest I've ever had. When you left all I could do was miss you. All I could think about was finding you. You thought that I was missing Buffy in Rome? That paled in comparison to missing you."
Willow bowed her head as hope she had never dared to summon flew into her heart, leaving her with a feeling of breathlessness.
Angel plowed on, "I-I always felt like I was holding back with Buffy. There were things that I knew she'd never understand, she being who she is and me being *what* I am. But I've never held back anything from you. With one exception - my feelings for you. I guess it scared me how much I felt that I belong with you and how much I had to lose if I told you and you didn't feel the same way."
Willow started to interrupt him, but he placed a finger over her lips saying, "You stopped me from saying this once, but I don't have anything more to sacrifice because I already thought that I lost everything when I thought I lost you."
Placing both hands behind her neck, Angel tilted her face to look him square in the eyes. "I love you, Willow! I love you."
Willow's voice was useless even if she did have words to express what she was feeling. So she did the only thing she could to show him her feelings. She gave Angel the most loving smile he thought he'd ever seen.
In the secrecy of his dreams, Angel had fantasized about seeing Willow like this; her eyes alight with love. Love for him. Now being aware of it there in reality, it far surpassed his fictitious joy of it. It was too much of a temptation for him not to finally lower his face to her shining, beautiful one.
Angel began to shower her face with slow, soft kisses. Her forehead. Her eyes. Her cheeks. Until finally he reached her mouth and it was an infinitely gentle and tender kiss. Their one previous kiss had been innocent; full of friendship and this kiss held much of the same as the first. But then it changed. All the bittersweet longings and fierce emotions that had built up between them flared. The kiss increased in intensity and urgency.
Willow slid against him, pressing her arms around him. She shivered; her joy was almost too much to bear. But she broke off abruptly.
Angel was trembling as the kiss ended and he almost moaned his displeasure. He didn't want to ever relinquish that sweet contact.
"I love you too Angel!" Willow whispered tenderly.
This declaration more than made up for her stopping the kiss and dazed, as much from this as from their kiss, Angel felt a happiness he could never have imagined flow through him.
Then with their lips entwined again, they had no need for more words.
The End