Disclaimer-THey ain't mine. They belong to Joss and Mutant Enemy. The song belongs to Air Supply.
Rating-G
Key Couples-W/A
Summary-Too short for one really.
Dedicated to Kylia because she likes my new stuff
Feedback-Please send me some. I live for it.
AUthor's note-This takes place somewhere in the second season, but before Angel loses his soul. BTW, that silly clause doesn't exist for my story. And, yup I know you all are probably getting tired of these songfics from me, but blame it on Kylia. She's the one that found me a website that has song lyrics on it. ANd, besides, the songfics help break my writer's block.
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Really thought that I could live without you
Really thought that I could make it in my
own
Sent you away yeah, I said I didn’t need you
I let you go, I let you go, I let you go
Now I’m so lost without you
Now you’re not here and now I know
I always knew that the love I had for you was something special. That is was something that only happened to a few. I thought I could handle it. I knew she loved you with all that she was, just like I did, and that there was some part of your heart that would always belong to her. Her life was so short that I wanted her to have as much happiness in it as possible, and if that included you, then so be it. I thought I would be able to deal with seeing you together. Seeing the love that was there in her eyes. Seeing you hold her. I was wrong.
You fought me when I told you to go to her. Saying that, while you had feeling for her, your heart belonged to me. That almost broke my resolve. Yes, that’s right, my resolve face was about to lose. But I took a deep breathe and my strength came back to me. No matter how much I loved you, she was my best friend and I knew that she needed you more than I did. She needed your strength. Your love. You told me that you didn’t think that you would be able to give it to her but I knew otherwise. I could still remember the times the two of you were together, before our own friendship turned into something else.
I thought that I would be able to handle the two of you. I mean, she’s
my best friend and she was in love with you, but it hurts so much knowing
that she is the one spending the nights with you. It’s takes all the strength
I have not to throw my arms around you and tell you that I was wrong. That
I love you with all that I am. That I want you back in my life. In my bed.
But I can’t because then I will lose everything that I hold dear. None
of the others ever knew about the two of us and, now, I think that is for
the best. Because I don’t think I would be able to stand the looks of pity
that they would send me as I watch you.
Never thought that I would need you
Never thought that I would be missing you
Gotta get you back
I just got to find a way now
To let you know, to let you know, to let you
know
That I’m so lost without you
And now this world, it ain’t just right.
I thought that I would be able to just go one with my life, even if you weren’t in it. I mean, I lusted after Xander for years, having to listen to him tell me about his latest crush and then all the intimate details of his and Cordelia’ relationship. Not to mention all those times he lusted after Buffy. I mean, if I could deal with that I could deal with you being with her. Sure, I knew that I would miss having you come over and the two of us talking until the sun finally seperated us, but I didn’t think that it would be this all consuming thing that made me feel as if I couldn’t breathe. My heart constricts just thinking of all the things that we used to do. Do you do those things with her?
As I sit here, watching you dance with her your eyes catch mine and I can see the love in them there. Is it for me or for her? I want to believe that it is for me because then maybe what I have decided to do will be easy than I thought. I know I said that I wanted her to be happy and that being with you made her happy, but I just can’t do it. I just can’t give you up. You mean too much to me. I love you and I want you back with me. I want to be the one whose shoulder you drape your arm around. The one that you whisper sweet nothings too. But is it too late? Not if that look in your eyes is the one I think it is.
Will you think less of me if I told you that I was wrong? That I did
need you. I hope not because it’s the truth. I thought I was strong enough
to not have you in my life as anything other than a friend, but I was wrong.
I need you in my life as my friend. My lover. My mate. You are all of those
things and so much more. Please tell me it’s not too late. That I still
have a chance to fix what I had done.
Lonely is the night when I’m not with you
Lonely is the night, ain’t no light shining
through
Till you’re in my arms, till you’re by my
side
Lonely am I
I used to love spending time by myself, especially at night. Granted, I don’t do it outside as much considering I now know what lurks there, but I still love the night. The peacefulness always made me feel comfortable. But that was before you. Now, when night falls, I know that it is time for you to go to her. Or her to you. It used to mean that you would be knocking on my doors, usually with some movie or little gift. It meant that we would be together, talking, playing games or making love all night long. I miss that. I miss those times together. I’m afraid of the time when she tells me that you and she have started doing what we did. Especially the making love part. As much as I wanted you and she together, I don’t think I can deal with you being with her in that way.
I hate being by myself now. It means that you aren’t here with me. And
that I am alone. Xander is with Cordelia. Giles with Jenny. And you with
her. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they are all happy, but damnit don’t
I deserve some happiness too. Why do I always have to be the self sacrificing
one. The one that will do anything for her firends, even if that means
giving up the man that I love with every fiber in my body. Okay, this is
the part where you usually put your arms around me and hold me close, telling
me that everything would be okay. But it won’t be. Not until I can feel
your arms around me. Goddess I miss you so much.
I can make it through the day
I can make it okay
I just smile and pretend
And I tell myself I’ll be alright
You know, people always told me that they could tell how I was feeling just by looking into my eyes. That I could never hide my emotions. If that’s the case, why are my friends so oblivious to the pain that I am in. Okay, granted when we are in school, I still have the excited feeling about learning, but it isn’t the same as it used to be. I listen to them as they discuss their dates from the night before, making plans for later, not including me because I am alone. I paste a smile on my face and tell them how happy I am. Because that is who I am. I am someone who cares about her friends and their happiness, even at the expense of my own.
Once, I don’t even know how it happened, Buffy finally figured out that
something was wrong with me. She asked me about it and I just shrugged
her off. I couldn’t tell her that I was upset because of her love with
the man I cared so much about. So, instead, I said nothing. She took that
as I sign that I was hurt because of Xander’s relationship with Cordelia.
If only she had known. I just told her that I was happy for the two of
them and that I thought that Xander and Cordelia made a good pair. She
just gave me that knowing smile and let me alone. I was glad, because I
don’t think I could have stood there much longer without telling her why
I was upset. But, now that she is gone, I can convince myself again, as
she laughs at something, that things would be okay. But I still love you.
Lonely is the night when I’m not with you
Lonely is the night, ain’t no light shining
through
Till you’re in my arms, till you’re here by
my side
Lonely am I
I just sit on my computer talking to some friends. Not exactly the best way to spend a Friday night, but everyone else had plans. Plans the didn’t include me. So I spend the night alone. Again. I miss you so much. It takes all my strength not to go to you and tell you exactly how I feel. To tell you that I miss you. That I love you. That I want to be by your side forever. But I can’t because I am afriad. Afraid of what you might say. And I’ll let that fear overpower everything else because it is only because of it that has prevented me from reaching out for you. But, oh how I miss you. I turn when I hear a knock on my door. My heart stops when I see you on the other side.
"Angel."
"Willow."
"What are you doing here?"
"I needed to see you."
"Why?" He looks down at my terrace and then back at my face. I can see the torn expression on his face and my heart soars at hope I begin to feel.
"Because I missed you. I know that you said that you wanted me to be with Buffy, and I tried, but she isn’t you. She isn’t the one I want. I’ll understand if you want me to go, but I just had to say that." He turned to leave me than and I couldn’t let him do it. The nights without him have been too lonely and I hated that. I wanted him with me.
"Angel," he turned back to face me. "Won’t you come in?" He was in my room in two great strides, his arms wrapped around mean as he leaned in to give me a kiss that showed me exactly how much he had missed me. And when we finally broke apart and looked into each other’s eyes, I saw the love that he felt for me in his eyes and knew that he could see the same thing in mine. The nights were no longer going to be lonely anymore.
End