Part 15
Giles continued holding Buffy until she had finally cried out all the pain and sorrow that she had been holding in for the last eleven years. When her sobs diminished, he pulled her away from him and tilted her chin so that he could look at her. Her eyes were red and swollen and there were black streaks running down her cheeks from her mascara. All in all, she reminded him very much of the scared teenager he had loved, instead of the strong women that he wanted to believe she had become. He handed her a tissue from the box that Cordelia had brought over when she had seen Buffy break down. Buffy forced a smile onto her face as she accepted it.
"Thanks," she sniffed as she wipe away the evidence of her tears. She looked over at Giles and noticed the wet spot on his jacket from her crying. "I'm sorry I did that. I just couldn't keep it in any longer."
Giles touched Buffy's shoulder, comforting her. "I understand Buffy. How long has it been since you allowed yourself to cry?"
Buffy looked down, her hands shredding the tissue, "Awhile. I haven't exactly let myself do the whole crying thing. I didn't think I could handle it." Giles heart went out to the girl that he had considered his daughter. He didn't know what had happened in her life, but he was concerned that she had felt the need to hold in her emotions.
"Buffy, that can't have been good for you," Buffy gave a weak snort under her breath. "You have to let out your feelings in order to move on with your life."
"I wasn't sure if I really wanted to move on," Buffy quietly explained. "I was afraid that moving on meant forgetting, and I wasn't sure if I wanted to do that. I mean, I didn't want to deal with slaying and the whole hellmouth thing anymore, but I didn't want to forget everything that had happened either. Didn't want to forget about everyone."
Giles nodded his head, understanding exactly what Buffy meant. She had been through a lot in her young life and he knew that was why she had left. Her having to send Angel to hell just being the last straw. Buffy needed to get away from everything, but forgetting the past meant forgetting what had made her who she was. Giles had felt that way once, had tried to forget who he was, what he was meant to be to disastrous results.
"Buffy, you have to move on," he reassured the girl. "Moving on doesn't necessarily mean forgetting everything though. Everything changes, it's the way of life, nothing can remain the same. It's your job to change with it, to accept what happens." Buffy looked over at her former watcher.
"You mean like accepting Willow and Angel are together," she asked simply. Giles gave her a slight smile, knowing that the couple in question was the crux of quite a bit of her problem.
"Yes, exactly," he replied. "Buffy, you always knew that Angel and you could never be together. You just refused to accept that fact. Maybe if you had been here, things might have been different, but for everything else that we have discovered, there isn't a way to turn back time." Buffy's guilt at leaving her friends so long ago was apparent on her face. "It's your job to try and accept that the two of them are together."
"And if I can't" Buffy asked, almost afraid of the answer. Giles sighed as he looked at the dejected woman in front of him.
"If you can't, then you should leave and not come back." Buffy's shoulders slumped as she heard his words. She had been expecting them, but to actually hear them come from the mouth of the man she considered like a father to her hurt more than anything she could ever imagine. Tears started to form once more.
"Giles, I just don't know if I can do it," she cried as she found herself once again wrapped in his embrace. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to do that. Not anymore." Giles ran his hand over Buffy's hair, trying to offer her the comfort that he knew she needed.
"You are, Buffy," Giles reassured her, "that's why you were one of the best slayers around." Buffy finally pulled away from Giles to give him a smile, and he was glad to see that it reached her eyes. "And I am glad that I had the privilege of being your watcher."
"Thank you." Just then a little girl came over to the table. Giles turned to her, love in his eyes.
"Daddy, William and I want to know if we can have some ice cream?" the little girl asked.
"Not until you've eaten your dinner. Anne," he told her. He saw Buffy's face as she looked at the little girl who had called him daddy. He pointed over to her. "Anne, I want you to meet an old friend of mine and your mother's. This is Buffy." The little girl looked over at the blonde sitting with her father and gave her a shy smile.
"Hello."
"Hello, Anne," Buffy said pleasantly. The little girl reminded her of Giles, having his eyes and smile. "That's a pretty name."
"Thanks. Daddy says it was the middle name of someone he cared for once," the little girl volunteered, happy at the compliment to her name. Buffy looked over at Giles, a question in her eyes that he answered silently. (He named her for me!) Then she remembered the other name the girl had mentioned.
"Who's William?"
"He's my twin brother and a big pain in the butt," the girl stated simply.
"Anne, what have I told you about saying that," Giles admonished the girl, who had the decency to at least look apologetic.
"Sorry," she said, but Buffy could tell that she wasn't. (Oh, poor Giles and Cordelia, this one is a handful. Giles also noticed and sighed, giving his daughter a smile.
"Why don't you go back over to the table and finish your dinner. Then you can both have ice cream."
"Thanks daddy," the little beamed as she turned and ran back to the table with the other children, skillfully dodging the waiters and other patrons of the now crowded restaurant.
"Anne and William?" Buffy questioned as she watched Giles look over at his children. Giles turned his attention back to the blonde woman in the booth with him.
"Yes. Anne is for you, but you already had figured that out, hadn't you?" Buffy nodded. "You had always been like a daughter to me, so it seemed natural to me that I name my real daughter after you. William was Cordelia's idea. Believe it or not, it's for Spike."
Buffy found herself choking, the water that she had just sipped spitting out of her mouth. "Spike?"
Giles grinned, "Yup. Apparently he and Cordelia had become good friends. The two of them are somewhat alike believe it or not. He and Drusilla are even William's godparents. Strange as that may be." Giles shook his head as he remembered the vampires reactions to be asked to be the child's godparents. "In a way, William and Anne have become the children they can never have and the kids love them. It helps that Spike and Dru spoil them rotten."
Buffy shook her head, her mind reeling as she learned more and more about the strange events that have occurred in her absence. "I don't know if I can handle much more. I mean, who would have thought that so much would have changed."
"Eleven years does have a tendency to affect things. Although, granted, maybe not as much as it has for out little group."
"Hey G-man," Kim said as she came over to the table. Giles rolled his eyes at the nickname that apparently was still being used.
"Kim, how many times." Kim held up her hand.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah I know. Don't call you G-man." Buffy couldn't help but smile at the young waitress. Kim didn't even look at the other girl. "I just wanted to let you know that Brenda is going to be taking the table." Giles looked down at his watch, suddenly realizing the time.
"I didn't realize it was that time already. You be careful okay, we still don't know what's going on with that prophecy."
"Hey, you know me," came the flippant reply.
"I know, so be careful," Giles said teasing the teenager, who turned and headed towards the door, stopping and giving Cordelia a hug goodbye. Buffy was confused as she saw Cordelia hand her a large bag.
"Giles, what was that all about?"
Giles turned toward Buffy, "Kim is the slayer. The Council decided to retire Faith when Kevin was born, figuring that she finally deserved a rest. There have been 5 since then, with Kim the latest." Buffy was shocked. (The Council's actually retired a slayer.) "She still patrols every once in a while, especially after her and Oz have a fight, but basically let's Kim do it, now."
"Things really have changed," Buffy mumbled under her breath,
wondering if there was a place in the lives of her friends.