Email: sundevil48@hotmail.com
Disclaimer: None are mine. They belong to Joss.
Distribution: BBA, Willow's World, Anyone else who wants it.
Rating: PG-13
Category: Romance
Key Couple: W/A S/X(eventually)
Summary: Spike leaves town. So does Xander.
Dedicated: to Kylia, miss ya girl. Get better. Kittikat
who gave me the
idea(gee thanks alot). This one also goes out to my friend, Ser
Virgo, from
the Xena Nutball Chatroom, . Miss you girl. Keep those
gods on their toes.
Feedback: is greatly appreciated and loved.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
~Part: 1~
The blonde growled as he saw the couple on the couch that were so busy
making out that they didn't even notice his entrance. He had gone to the
Watcher's house, hoping to get away from the demons that had marked him
for death and the commandos that wanted to recapture him. He didn't come
to see the soft porn show that was Xander and Anya's relationship. He growled
again to try and break the two of them apart.
"Quit it Blondie," Buffy said as she came out of Giles' kitchen. "It
doesn't work considering that we all know you're all bark and no bite."
"Bugger off, Slayer," Spike spat at her. "Where's the Watcher?"
"He had to go to the store," came Buffy's reply. "He should be right back.
Why?"
"None of your bloody business," he threw at her. Spike went over to the couch and flopped himself into it, causing Xander and Anya to finally break apart. He smirked when he saw the annoyed glare that Anya threw at him. He would have rather liked the chit, if it wasn't for the way that she treated Xander.
"Watch it, Junior," Xander said as he put some distance beween himself and the vampire. Spike just rolled his eyes at the teenager. 'Bloody moron, like I would hurt him.'
"You know there is a law about public indecency," Spike said. "Why don't the two of you get a room or something."
"What a wonderful idea," Anya stated, standing up. She put her hand out for Xander to take it. "Come, Xander, I want sex."
"Better go boy. You're master is calling you," Spike said in a sarcastic tone.
"She's not my master," the boy answered. "She's my girlfriend. There's a difference."
"And that would be what?"
"I do things with Anya because I want to," Xander said, although his voice didn't hold as much conviction as he thought it should have. By the way that Spike was looking at him, he knew that the vampire could tell that he wasn't as sure of that last statement either. "I love her."
"Whatever. Between Anya and the Slayer, you have every one of your decisions made for you. They say jump, you ask how high. They tell you not to say Red's name, you forget she ever existed." Xander blanched at the mention of Willow. "Bloody worse than the poof." Spike rolled his eyes as he reached over for the remote control and clicked on the television. He flipped through the channels rapidly until he found something that he deemed okay enough to watch. He didn't look over at the couple by his side because he knew exactly what he would see. Anya, still standing there,demanding that Xander go with her, just like she always did. Spike was beginning to wonder if Xander even realized how little control he had when it came to his life now that he was involved with the former demon. It was obvious, at least to Spike, that she was the one that made all of their decisions. Spike hated seeing how the boy let her rule his life. Even though she was often in a skirt or dress, he knew who really wore the pants in that relationship.
"Don't mention that name," Buffy ordered from the dining room. "I've told you not to ever bring her up again."
"Who?" Spike questioned innocently. "Red? "
"I told you not to say that name," Buffy shouted again. Spike smirked at the Slayer's discomfort. "Just because I promised Giles that I wouldn't kill you, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't be willing to hurt you quite a lot." Spike just kept his attention on the television, where he watched as Xena was kicking some God's ass.
"What is your problem?" Xander asked by his side. He looked up at Anya again, who was impatiently waiting for him to leave with her. "You know how Buffy gets whenever someone mentions Willow."
"You two are my bloody problem. Between the Slayer bitching about how Red betrayed her, your whining about how your life has turned out, and the chit always talking about sex, you could drive a person batty," the blonde said.
"Well, nobody asked you to come over," Anya told him. "You are always more than welcome to leave." Spike was about to say something, when a thought occurred to him. He would do exactly what Anya had said. He would leave. Hell, he didn't want to be around the Slayer and her little pups anyway. He was tired of the Slayer whining about how her life had turned out and how Red had betrayed her. Tired of the Watcher who only helped him because he wanted to pump Spike for information. Tired of the way Xander just let life pass him by. And tired of the way that Anya expected Xander to do whatever she said, no matter what he was already involved in. Spike stood up from the couch and headed for the door.
"Where are you going?" Xander asked from the couch.
"I'm doing exactly what your master wants. I'm getting the hell out of this bloody town." With that said, Spike left the townhouse and the confused occupants.
Later that night, Spike found himself standing outside of the one place he never thought he would go to for help. Well, other than the Watcher's that is. Spike knocked on the apartment door and waited for the occupant to answer the door.
"Spike, what in hell are you doing here?" A dishelved appearing Angel asked as he opened his front door. He had no idea how the blond vampire had managed to get into the hotel when Angel knew it was locked up tight, but he knew that if anyone could pull it off, it would be his childe.
"Sorry, Peaches," Spike said, in an anything but apologetic tone. "Did I wake you?"
"It is ten in the morning," Angel informed him. "Why are you here?"
"Needed a place to stay. Can I come in?" Angel opened the door a little wider, allowing his blonde childe entrance into his home. Spike looked around the apartment, noticing that it was a little more colorful then Angel’s last home.
"I see she's made a few changes since she moved in," Spike commented. "Not your usual dark and broody style."
"Yeah, well, she has a way of making me give in to her," Angel replied sheepishly. Spike grinned at his sire.
"I bet."
"So, Spike, feel like answering my question?"
"What question," Spike asked, then remembered what Angel had asked. "Oh, you mean why I'm here instead of in Sunnyhell helping out the blonde bimbo and her friends, just felt like visiting my sire." Angel gave Spike a glare that said exactly what he thought of Spike's explanation. "You know, Peaches, you really should learn to trust me more."
"Give me a reason to trust you, and I will," Angel stated.
"Point taken."
"So, why are you really here?"
"I needed to get away. Clear my head of things." When Angel went to make a comment, Spike interrupted him. "Don't even say it, pouf. Not one word." Angel just smirked at his childe. "I wanted to go someplace where those damn commandos wouldn't be after me or where every demon in town wasn't trying to kill me."
"And you thought you would be safe here? Our track record isn't exactly spotless, remember? I do still recall you having me tortured a few months ago," the older vampire mentioned. Spike just pushed away the statement.
"That was the past. Besides, I know that she'll kick your cute little arse out of bed quicker than you can say forgive me if you do anything to hurt me," Spike told him.
"True," Angel nodded his head. "So, I guess you want to crash here for awhile?" Spike nodded his head.
"That's what I was thinking."
"Fine, its not like there aren’t plenty of room to choose from, but remember, touch her and die. And do me a favor, pick a room on another floor. Preferably on the other side of the hotel."
"Don't worry Peaches. As much as I love her, I know that Red is all yours and that you aren't into sharing anymore." Besides, there was a certain someone that occupied Spike's thoughts, even if the blonde vampire refused to acknowledge the reason why.
~Part: 2~
"Spike, what are you doing here?" Willow asked as she walked into the
hotel’s kitchen. Her hair was messy and her clothes appeared to have just
been thrown on, causing the blonde vampire to chuckle at thoughts of what
he had just interrupted. "We weren't expecting you."
"Like I just told Peaches here, I needed to get away for awhile and
thought that I could come and try and steal you away from him," he joked
making Angel growl in annoyance behind him. Spike ignored his sire and
went to hug the petite red head that was his sire's mate and the Slayer's
former best friend.
"Sorry, Blondie. I'm madly in love with another vampire so you already had your chance," Willow replied back, smiling at the demon that had actually helped her and Angel get together. "Besides, as I recall, aren't you already in love with someone else that we all know?" This time it was Spike's turn to growl.
"Bloody hell, Red, why'd you have to go and say something like that for," he hissed as he stalked over to the table, seating himself. "Here I am, in LA for a friendly little visit and you go and have to bring that up. I mean, how would you feel if I went and brought up bitchy to you?" Willow looked over at Angel, who only rolled his eyes at his childe's theatrics. She walked over to the blonde vampire and sat beside him, taking his hand in hers.
"I'm sorry, Spike," she apologized. "I shouldn't have said anything. You're right. I hate it when anyone brings up Buffy too. Its just that I hate seeing my friends hurting and, no matter has happened in the past, I do consider you one of my friends."
"I know, Red," he muttered. "And I know how much it bothers you that the damn Slayer refused to acknowledge you after all this time. Like it was your fault that the damn poof fell in love with you instead of her. Hell, she was already doing the damn Farmboy, I don't see why she got all upset." Willow just looked at him. "Oh yeah, I forgot. This is slutty the vampire layer we're talking about. Nobody is ever allowed to go against her." Willow chuckled at Spike's pet nickname for her former best friend.
"That's all in the past, Spike," she told him as she felt Angel come up and sit behind her. The souled vampire wrapped his arms around his mate, drawing her closer to him and nuzzling her neck. "Angel and I have moved on. Granted, I wish things were different. I miss my friends, but I'm not willing to lose Angel just to get them back. And I don't see why I even have to."
"Yeah, well, bully for you," Spike said. "Doesn't do me a whole hell of a lot of good though. Only makes things even worse since the damn slayer seems to want to take out all her frustrations out on everyone else, especially me."
"Is that why you're here?" Angel inquired, surprised that he actually felt sorry for what Spike had probably had to go through since Angel and Willow had gotten together. He knew that Buffy hadn't taken the news of the two mates well and wasn't shocked to find out that Buffy was taking it out on his blonde childe. It only seemed natural.
"One of them," Spike replied. "I just got sick of the whole thing. I mean, the damn Slayer is always moaning about her life. The Watcher just sits around and lets her walk all over him. And than here's the twosome known as Xapper and Anya." Willow turned to look at Angel, sudden understanding coming to her as she realized why Spike had really left Sunnydale. She knew how the blonde vampire felt toward her childhood friend, often having witnessed the play of emotions across his face whenever he looked at the dark haired youth.
"I take it they’re still as obsessed with sex as ever," Angel commented. Spike nodded his head.
"At least she is. But she does have that boy seriously whipped," Spike informed them. "Whatever she wants, he gives her. I don't understand why either. He can do so much better." This was the opportunity that Willow was waiting for.
"Like you, for instance," she prodded.
"Bloody right," Spike agreed before realizing what he had just agreed to. He growled at Willow who looked completely unrepentant. "Damn it Red, you tricked me."
"No I didn't," she retorted. "I just was simply trying to get you to admit to something that I've known about for months. You're in love with Xander."
"I can't be," Spike groaned, jumping to his feet and pacing around Angel's kitchen. "I'm a master vampire. I'm over one hundred and fifty years old. I am not supposed to fall in love with some teenager."
"Why not?" Willow asked. "Is there some rule book that I missed that says who you can and can not fall in love with? Angel fell in love with me and he's older than you. Why is it so hard for you to admit that you are in love with Xander?"
"Because I'm William the Bloody, that's why. And he's, he's…"
"The person that you would like nothing better to do than shag until he starts begging for more," Angel added helpfully, grinning at the discomfort on his childe's face. Spike looked ready to deny what his sire had said, but found that he couldn't. He sat back down on the couch, a look of resignation on his face.
"Yeah."
Meanwhile back in Sunnydale, Anya was watching her lover sleep. She loved to see his chest rise and fall with each breath that he took. She never got tired of it. His face looked so peaceful. When he slept she could see the innocent youth that he had once been.
Xander didn't know about Anya's habit of watching him sleep, not that he could have actually done anything about it even if he had known. It was just one of those things. Anya was a light sleeper, her years as a demon having made it so she didn't need much, while Xander could sleep though an earthquake, and he had.
There were times, like now, when Anya often wondered what Xander dreamt about in his sleep that caused him to smile the way he did. She had a feeling what they might have been and had hoped that she was part of those dreams. But she found out the hard way that she wasn't. It was someone else that was causing Xander to groan and moan in his sleep. Someone else that he dreamt about holding and loving. Someone that she could never be.
So here she was, watching him one last time before standing and going to where she kept her things. Even though the vengeance demon was well over one thousand years old, she still remembered the pain she had felt when she had first been betrayed. She was surprised when that pain wasn't evident this time around. Maybe it was because her time as a demon made her realize that things were never as easy as they seemed. Or maybe she had just matured since she became human again. Or maybe it was that this time, it wasn't a conscious betrayal that was going to separate her from the person she loved. No, Xander didn't want to hurt her. That was obvious. But it was going to happen and she wanted to leave on her terms.
Anya finished packing away the things that she kept at Xander's. She also took some of the mementos that meant so much to her and would remind her of her time with the boy that helped her become who she was. She went to the small table that sat beside the bed and left a short note telling Xander that she was leaving and why. She didn't go into details, figuring that it was up to the boy to figure out what he really wanted. She just told him to be happy. She then walked up the stairs that would lead her to the outside and away from him. All the while, Xander stayed asleep. Dreaming of a blonde vampire that he loved.
~Part: 3~
When Xander awoke, the first thing he noticed was that he was alone.
Normally that might not have been a big surprise, except he was pretty
damn sure that Anya had been by his side the night before. He listened
to the room, trying to detect her presence and was surprised to discover
she wasn’t there at all. Xander got up and made his way around his tiny
basement apartment. He went over to the pile of clean clothes that he had
never bothered putting away and found his favorite T-shirt and a pair of
faded jeans. He managed to put them on at the same time he searched through
his cupboards for something to snack on. Finally, after grabbing a box
of Tastykakes, he went over to his table where he saw Anya’s note.
‘Xander, first I want to tell you how much the past year has meant
to me. You helped me deal with becoming a human again after a thousand
years and for that I will always be grateful. And you made me realize that
I can love again because you made me fall in love with you. But I’ve also
come to realize something. That even though you say that you love me, your
heart belongs to someone else. And I think he may feel the same way, although
I don’t think he’s willing to admit it. You didn’t know that I watched
you in your sleep, but I did and I listened. I heard who you were dreaming
of and as much as it pains me, I want you to be happy. While I think that
you would be the happiest with me, you need to investigate what your dreams
are telling you. Be well Xander and know that I will be waiting for you
when you are ready to return. Love always, Anya’
"What the hell does this mean?" Xander shouted to no one. He reread Anya’s goodbye letter, trying to see if he had missed something. "Listen to what my dreams are telling me? What dreams?"
Xander tried to remember what he had been dreaming off last night. He could remember bits and pieces of it, especially the fact that he woke up hard as a rock. He also knew that it wasn’t the first time he had woken from such a dream. It was one of the reasons he loved it when Anya had spent the night. Now he tried to think of the specifics of that dream.
‘And he feels the same way.’ That one little sentence suddenly brought everything into focus. "I am so not dreaming of Spike," Xander exclaimed.
"No way. That bleached moron. I can’t be attracted to him. Not like there would be anything wrong if I was but this is Spike we’re talking about. And just the possibility of him feeling the same way. Why don’t I see it happening?"
Xander sat on his bed, trying to figure out what he was going to do. It was obvious from her note that Anya knew about his dreams and was willing to give him space to figure out what he was going to do about them. But Xander wasn’t sure if he wanted to do anything about them. They didn’t make any sense to him. Sure he treated Spike better than the rest of the scoobies, well other than Willow, but that didn’t mean that he had feelings for the blonde vampire. Did it?
Spike. Just that name sent shivers down the teen’s spine. Okay, sure it had something to do with the fact that he was a cold blooded killer who loved to swim in his victim’s blood, but that was before the chip. Now Spike is just as unsure of what he was as the rest of them. The chip made Spike more human somehow and Xander recognized some of himself in the blonde vampire. He attributed that to the reason why he was suddenly dreaming about the man that had once shared his room.
"Xander Harris, open this door right now before I break it in," an angry voice demanded. Xander made his way over to the door, unlocking it. Before he even reached the door handle, it burst open, revealing an angry Buffy on the other side.
"What’s up, Buff?"
"Tell me its not true?" She ordered.
"What’s not true?" Xander asked, confused.
"That you aren’t having dreams of Spike that don’t involve killing the blonde bastard," she amended.
"Where did you get an idea like that?"
"Anya came to my house this morning in tears," the Slayer explained. "OnceI got her calmed down enough to talk she told me that she heard you mutter Spike’s name in your dreams and she painted a vivid description of what she thought those dreams meant. Now I want you to tell me that she was wrong. That she couldn’t possibly of heard what she thought she did."
"I wish I could," he whispered just loud enough for Buffy to hear him. Those four little words set her off all over again.
"What? What in the world were you thinking? This is Spike we’re talking about. Likes to kill people and torment us. You remember that don’t you? All the hell he has put us through. Remember that whole Adam thing?"
"I know, I know. Trust me, it isn’t like I wanted this to happen," Xander tried to say. "I can’t control what I dream or else I would have tried to already. And I couldn’t exactly talk about what those dreams could have meant, even if I remembered most of them. Its obvious what you think about them."
"I’m just concerned for you, Xander," Buffy finally calmed down a bit. "I don’t want anything to happen to you. We’ve already lost Willow. I don’t want to lose you too."
"We didn’t lose Willow, you pushed her away," Xander reminded Buffy. "And I let you do it and I regret that with everything I am. Willow was my best friend but because you couldn’t see past your jealousy, and Anya agreed with you, I let you dictate to me how I should act towards her."
"I thought you agreed with me. That Willow had done something to make Angel fall in love with her," Buffy whined. "That it was the only possible reason that he was even attracted to her." Xander shook his head.
"No Buffy, I never thought that. I just didn’t disagree with you," he informed her. "Willow didn’t do anything other than be herself. And Angel saw what a wonderful person she was. That’s what he fell in love with. There was no spell, no prophecy. Just Willow being Willowy."
"And this is how you really feel?"
"Yes, this is how a really feel."
"And what are you going to do about your dreams?"
"I don’t know," Xander answered honestly. "I mean, I never intended to do anything about them before Anya left. I love her, I really do. I don’t know why I’m having dreams about Spike and I don’t think I want to know."
"Maybe Giles could help you figure it out," Buffy suggested, glad to hear that her friend wasn’t actually thinking of trying to start a relationship with their enemy.
"Ummm, I’m thinking I really don’t want to be having that conversation with the G-man," an embarrassed Xander explained. "Not something that I ever planned on doing."
"Well, you have to do something before it gets out of hand. And I want you to stay away from the bleached wonder," she ordered.
"Gotcha," Xander agreed. "NO hanging with the undead." Xander walked Buffy to the door. "I gotta get ready for work. I’ll talk to you later, okay?"
"You be careful," she asked.
"I will be." Buffy brushed Xander’s cheek with a quick kiss before leaving. Xander breathed a sigh of relief as he fell against the door.
"I didn’t think she would ever leave," he muttered. He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. He was surprised that Anya had gone to Buffy and told her what had happened. He didn’t think the two girls were all that close. Then again, now that Willow was gone, Buffy didn’t have any other close girl friends so maybe it made sense that the two of them hung out.
Xander couldn’t get over how Buffy felt he had somehow betrayed her because of his dreams. Didn’t she understand that he had no control over what he dreamed. He realized that this must have been how Willow had felt when Buffy had turned her back on the red head because she had the nerve to fall in love with Angel. At the thought of the hacker, Xander felt sorrow at what he had allowed to happen between himself and his best friend. If Willow was still around, she would probably be more than willing to listen to him and help him figure out what his dreams meant. And that’s what made him decide to pack and go to Los Angeles. He knew that whatever answers he wanted would be found there because Willow always knew what to do.
~Part: 4~
"Xander?" Willow asked as she picked up the phone next to her bed. She
looked at the clock that sat on the table, wearily noticing that it was
only noon. "Why are you calling so early? "
"I’m sorry, Wills," Xander apologized. He knew that the red head had
taken to living by Angel’s hours, which meant that her day didn’t really
begin until around three or four in the afternoon, unless Cordelia needed
her to do something. "I can call back later if you want." There was something
in Xander’s voice that alerted Willow to his distress.
"It’s okay, Xan," she assured him. "What’s up?"
"I need to talk to you," he told her. "Can we get together? Maybe get some coffee or something?"
"Where are you?" She asked suspiciously. "And what about Anya?"
"I’m down the street from the hotel. And Anya and I broke up last night," he answered sheepishly. He knew that Willow would be freaked to find out that he was in town on such short notice and he hoped that she would be willing to talk to him after everything that had happened when she left Sunnydale to be with Angel.
"I’ll meet you out front of the building in fifteen," she informed him.
"Thanks Will." Willow heard Xander hang up the phone and laid her own to rest in its cradle. She turned to face her mate, who had a concerned look on his face. He had been able to detect her worry.
"Is everything okay?" Angel wanted to know.
"That was Xander," Willow explained. "He’s in town and he wants to talk. I told him I would meet him out front for some coffee. I hope that’s okay."
"Did he say what he wanted to talk about?" Willow shook her head.
"No, he didn’t," she replied, getting up and going over to the dresser to grab a pair of jeans and a top. Angel watched his mate, admiring the curves of her body and once again thanking who ever was in charge for giving her to him. When Willow turned, facing the vampire, a smile spread across her face. "You know, when you look at me, it makes me think that you would rather I spend the day in bed with you." Angel quirked his eyebrow.
"And this would be a bad thing how?" Willow laughed as she went and sat on the bed next to Angel. She rested her hand on his cheek and gave him a small, sweet kiss on his lips. When they pulled apart, she could see the serious expression on Angel’s features.
"What?"
"I just don’t want you to get hurt again," Angel said. When Willow looked at him in confusion. "I remember how much it had hurt you when Xander had turned his back on you before. All because of what Buffy had said. I just don’t want him to have that kind of power over you again. I don’t like the idea of anyone causing you any pain." Willow’s smile became brighter at her mate’s concern.
"Xander will always have that kind of power over me," she informed Angel. "That’s how best friends are. Even though we may fight and not talk for a while, we’re still going to be there for each other. No matter what. Just like you and Spike. I mean, even after everything that has happened between the two of you, when he was in trouble and needed to get away, who did he come to?"
"I don’t think I like the idea of you and Xander having the same kind of relationship that my childe and I have had in the past," Angel commented. Willow remembered the stories that Angel had told her about the time before he had been cursed with his soul and the exact nature of the relationship between him and the younger vampire that was currently sleeping in the next room.
"Sorry, other than some small kissage, there is no similarity between our histories," she stated. "And I’m pretty sure that there never will be."
"Pretty sure?"
"Well, who knows what I might be forced to do if you piss me off," Willow teased. Angel grabbed the red head and rolled her, so that she was lying under him. "Angel, get off me. I promised Xander I would meet him out front."
"Let him wait," Angel growled, bending down and nibbling at Willow’s neck. The red head moaned as she felt Angel’s blunt teeth bite gently into her neck, before his mouth found its way to hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck as the two lost themselves in the moment. Finally, when air started to become an issue for the teenagers, they broke apart. "So what were you saying about my pissing you off?"
"Nothing," Willow murmured. Angel kissed her once more before allowing her to get up. Willow straightened her now rumpled clothing. "I promise, I’ll try not to be that long."
"Don’t worry about it," Angel told her. "I know how much you miss having Xander as a friend. Go and do whatever you need to, I’ll be here. I have a feeling that my errant childe and I have a long conversation coming. One that I’m not sure that I really want to have with him."
"And one that I have a feeling may just concern Xander," Willow reminded him. "Don’t you think its quite a coincidence that within a day of each other, both Spike and Xander have found their way to LA and us? Like maybe it was fate or something." Angel saw the gleam in Willow’s green eyes and groaned.
"Willow, don’t even think about it," he warned.
"What?" She asked innocently.
"You’re thinking about fixing the two of them up aren’t you?"
"Well, Spike already said that he had a thing for Xander and there has to be a reason that Xander’s here and, apparently without Anya," she reasoned. She didn’t really think that the two men that were currently in Los Angeles were actually meant to be together, but she always did like to tease her mate. And Angel had yet to figure out when she was kidding and when she was serious.
"That doesn’t mean that Xander has feelings for Spike," Angel reminded her, not liking the idea of his mate playing with his childe’s emotions.
He knew how Spike’s emotions worked. Spike was the type of person, or vampire as the case may be, that once he fell for someone, he fell hard. That was one of the reasons that he had stayed with Drusilla for so long. When Spike loved, he fell with everything that he was and, because of that, when that person hurts him, it takes a long time for the feelings to go away. It had happened with Angelus when Angel was curse, and again with Drusilla when she left him for that Chaos Demon. He didn’t want that to happen because of the dark haired teenager that had known Willow for so long.
"I know," Willow said, "but it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t either. Don’t worry. If it doesn’t look like anything could happen, I promise not to do anything. Okay?’ Angel nodded his head, knowing that Willow would do what she wanted, no matter what he wanted. "I’ll see you in a bit."
Willow left the apartment she shared with Angel. She went downstairs to the office, not surprised to find that neither Wesley nor Cordelia were in yet. Ever since the couple had gotten married, Wesley had somehow found himself adopting Cordelia’s habit of coming in late to the office, but Willow couldn’t fault the ex-Watcher. He was head over heels in love with his wife, and Cordelia had a way of wrapping the men in her life around her little finger and that included Angel and Xander. Even Spike usually gave in on the few occasions that he had come across the former cheerleader, realizing that it was easier to let Cordelia to have her own way. Willow blinked when she reached the outside. Before her eyes even had a chance to focus, Xander was standing in front of her. She took in the appearance of her best friend and sighed.
"Would you like me to tell you what you look like?" She asked, not too seriously, but seriously enough that he knew she was worried about him. Xander shook his head and Willow could tell that something serious had happened to the man that stood in front of her.
"She left me," he whispered, barely loud enough for Willow to hear him. Willow looked into Xander’s eyes and could see the sadness that he was feeling over the departure of the vengeance demon. Willow didn’t know what had happened between the couple, but she did feel sorry for her friend. She hated to see him hurt, even after everything that had happened between the two of them.
"Come on and we can talk about it." Willow led Xander down the street to the coffee shop that she and Angel frequented, having learned to avoid Cordelia’s coffee at all costs, even though they didn’t have the heart to tell the assistant how bad her coffee really was. Once the teens got their drinks, they found themselves a seat "What happened?"
"I don’t know," Xander replied. "One minute, everything was going great, or at least I thought so. Then I woke up and she left me a note saying that it was over because I didn’t love her, I loved someone else." Willow was surprised by that. While she did think Xander and Spike would be good together, she had only been joking with Angel about setting the two of them up. She was sure that Xander was in love with Anya, but apparently the former demon had other ideas.
"Did she say who it was that you were in love with?" Willow probed gently, not wanting to upset Xander anymore than he already was. He just shook his head.
"No. She didn’t really go into details except to say that she liked to watch me sleep and that she knew where my heart truly lay, even if I didn’t want to admit it." Willow looked closely at Xander, realizing that there was more to what was going on, but she didn’t think he was ready to tell her yet.
"And how do you feel about her leaving?"
"I hate it," he admitted. "I mean, I do love her. Well, as much as I can. She always accepted me for who I was and, okay, the sex was great. But she’s talking about my dreams, like I can control them. I can’t help what I dream, can I." With each word, Xander lost more of the control that he had been trying to maintain, but failing miserably.
"Xan, you know there are some that say that our dreams are just really manifestations of what we truly desire." At these words, Willow saw Xander blanch as he shook his head. "Or not. Can you remember the details from these dreams." This time it was a blush that crept over Xander’s face as he remembered exactly what he and Spike had been doing in those dreams. Some of the images that came to him made his body react visibly and he was grateful for the table that covered his lower half. He could only nod his answer.
"So you know who it is that Anya was talking about, don’t you?" Another nod. "And is there a possibility that the person may care the same for you." This time it was a shake of the head.
"No way. He couldn’t possibly feel the same." Willow’s ears perked at the pronoun that Xander had used.
‘He? Xander’s dreaming about a guy? I wonder who it could be. I know it isn’t Forrest, because from everything that Xander’s told me, him and Forrest can’t stand to be in the same room together. Riley? No way. Totally not for Xander. Not to mention the whole Buffy thing. Graham? Possible, but I’m thinking that Graham and Xander are just friends. He seems a little dull compared to Xander’s previous two girlfriends, and that’s one thing that Xander is not made for. Giles? Ewww, not even willing to go there. Who else could it be? Spike? Could I have possibly been right. Oh, I hope so. For both their sakes. And I really think they would be a great couple.’
"What makes you think that he couldn’t care for you?"
"Because, he’s gorgeous and funny and can have anybody he wanted," Xander explained. "He wouldn’t be interested in someone like me. I mean, look at me. I don’t have a job. I’m not going to school. I live in my parent’s basement. I’m a loser. A complete nobody. Hell, I’m surprised Anya stayed with me as long as she did."
"Xander Harris, don’t you dare speak like that about yourself," Willow admonished. "You are not a loser . You’re a great guy who has a lot of love to give and if Anya doesn’t want it, then screw her." Xander looked in surprise at the tone in his friend’s voice. "As for whoever it is that you’re dreaming about, I wouldn’t be surprised if maybe he did care for you the same way you say you care for him. You are a very special person. You are kind and loving. You’re the type of person who would give someone else the shirt off your back, even if it was snowing outside. You always think of others before yourself and, if it wasn’t for Angel, I would try and win your heart in a minute."
Willow watched as her words sank in to Xander’s brain. She hated it when he would belittle himself, but knew that it was a trait that she shared with him. Both of their childhoods left them questioning their worth, neither teenager ever having received the kind of love and affection that so many, including Buffy, had gotten growing up.
"Thanks," Xander gave Willow a weary smile, which she returned. "You always did have a way of cheering me up, didn’t you?"
"Hey, that’s what best friends are for," Willow shrugged.
"How can you say that, after everything that happened before you came to LA? I treated you like dirt."
"Xander, you didn’t want to hurt Buffy," Willow said. "Anyway, it’ll take more than one little disagreement for me to stop thinking of you as one of the Three Musketeers. I’d be too afraid that Jesse would come back and haunt me or something." Xander laughed at the image of a ghostly Jesse haunting Willow.
"I can see it," he chuckled. "It would be something that he would do. He always did hate it when we fought. He thought he was losing his friends."
"He never did understand that was how we communicated sometimes," Willow chuckled, remembering some of the times that the three friends had shared. One particular event sprang to the front of her mind. "Do you remember how upset he got when you and I had stopped talking for like a month back when we first started junior high?" Xander thought back and laughed as he remembered how Jesse had tried to get Willow and Xander talking.
"You know, I think I actually prolonged that whole thing just to see what he would try next."
"Same here," Willow agreed. "I still think about him, you know."
"So do I," Xander replied. "I wonder what he would have thought about how I’ve been acting for the past few months."
"He probably would have told you to stop acting like a jerk and get over it," Willow told him.
"And he would have been right. I have been a jerk, Wills and I’m sorry," Xander apologized. "I let Buffy and Anya do all my thinking for me. It was stupid and selfish and childish and I’m just hoping that you’ll let me make it up to you." Willow took Xander’s hands in her own.
"You’re here now and that’s all that matters to me," she informed him.
"You’re my best friend, Xan. You and I have been through so much. More than either one of us should have been. Even Angel understands that there’s a bond between us that even he can’t come between. He doesn’t even want to try."
"He doesn’t deserve you, you know."
"Actually, I think its the other way around, but I’m not going to complain," Willow answered. "I love him and he loves me for some strange reason."
"Its not so strange. You’re a fantastic person and you deserve to be happy," Xander told her. "One of us needs to be."
"I am happy," she said. "And, don’t worry, you will be too. Who knows, maybe you’re dream lover will be the one." Xander shook his head sadly.
"I don’t think so," he replied, having resigned himself to the fact that Spike would probably laugh his ass off if he knew how Xander felt about him.
"Somehow I have the feeling if I told him, he would just make fun of me." "Then he doesn’t deserve you," Willow stated vehemently. "You’re a great guy and if he can’t see that, then screw him."
"Unfortunately that’s what I’m doing in the dreams," he said dejectedly. Willow felt sorry for her friend. She knew what it was like to dream about someone that you didn’t think you stood a snowball’s chance in hell of getting. That is, until she found out that Angel actually did care for her. Then she couldn’t believe how lucky she was. She just hoped it would be the same for Xander.
"Xander, can I ask you something?"
"Ask away."
"Are you dreaming about Spike?"
~Part: 5~
Xander spit out the coffee that he had just drank at Willow’s question.
"Spike?" He squeaked, already knowing his reaction was all the answer Willow
needed. The red head knew Xander too well, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t
going to try and deny it. "What makes you think that its Spike?"
"Well," Willow began, "The way I look at it, Forrest and you hate each
other so I’m pretty sure that it wouldn’t be him. Besides, he’s made it
pretty clear that he likes women if the way he chased me is any indication.
Riley is Buffy’s. Graham isn’t your type. A little too boring if you ask
me, so I only see you as friends. I don’t even want to think about it being
Giles." Xander shuddered at the notion that he would be having dreams about
the Watcher that was like a father to him. It reeked too much like incest
to him.
"That isn’t imagery I wanted Wills," he told his friend who had the decency to look repentant.
"Hence why I said it wasn’t Giles. That only leaves Spike," Willow finished. She looked at her old friend and saw the dejected expression on his features. She felt bad for him.
Willow knew how hard it must have been for Xander to have Anya leave him, stating that it was because he was in love with the blonde vampire that had been forced into becoming allies with those that he would have rather killed. All Xander had ever wanted was someone to love him. To accept him. Willow had done that, but not in the way that he truly needed. Xander needed someone who didn’t expect anything from him that he wasn’t able to give. Someone who would be patient and kind to the dark haired youth who had been abused so much as a child. Xander’s parents made Willow grateful that her own never bothered noticing her. She preferred their ignorance over the drunken brawls that often occurred in the Harris household.
"Wills, what am I going to do?" Xander cried. Willow put her arm over Xander’s shoulders, offering him some comfort. "I mean, I’m dreaming about someone that would rather see me dead than in his bed. This is Spike we’re talking about. The Big Bad Vamp that hates humans. The same one who is still so obsessed with Drusilla, his dark princess, that he becomes Angel whenever someone mentions her name."
"Yeah, Angel gets that way sometimes when someone talks about Buffy," Willow commented. Xander looked at the red head in surprise. He had just assumed that since Angel had moved on with Willow, that the feelings the souled vampire had for the blonde Slayer had also died. Willow saw this and continued.
"Just because Angel has moved on and is in love with me doesn’t necessarily mean that he will ever be completely over Buffy. Whenever you fall in love, there is always a part of you that will always love that person, no matter what. I mean, isn’t there a part of you that still cares for Cordelia?" Xander nodded his head. "Just like there is still a part of me that still cars about Oz, even after he hurt me."
"What a pair we are?" Xander grinned. "Both in love, or at least, lust with two of the most feared vampires in history." Willow smiled, covering Xander’s hands with her own. He looked up at her. "The only difference is that you have the vampire of your dreams while that is the only place I’ll ever have mine."
"You know, there was a time when I thought the same way about Angel and me, but look at us now," Willow beamed. "I’ve never been happier than I am, even with everything that has happened. Buffy turning her back on me. Giles choosing Buffy. You being put in the middle. It was all worth it because it just meant that Angel’s and mine relationship was made all the stronger for it."
"I am sorry for choosing to believe Buffy over you," Xander apologized, wanting to set things right with his old friend. "I just couldn’t see past my hatred of Deadboy. When she told us that you and he were together was that you betrayed us, and Buffy, by going after the one guy that she loved more than anything. Not to mention risking the whole Angelus, happy thing."
"Xander," Willow went to admonish before Xander stopped her.
"I know, I know, the clause was gone, even back then," he said, "but that didn’t matter to me. Not then. All I could see was that my best friend was shacking up with the enemy."
"And now?" Xander shrugged, then looked directly into Willow’s green eyes.
"Now, I’m happy for you," he told her, truthfully. "Deadboy makes you happy and you deserve all the happiness in the world. Both of you do. We’ve all be through so much, especially Angel. Who am I to begrudge the guy for falling in love with you over Buffy. You’re so much better than she is. And the two of you make sense."
"Thank you Xander." There were tears in Willow’s emerald eyes as she listened to the boy that she had loved for so long tell her that he approved of her relationship with Angel. Even though Wesley, Cordelia and Faith had all been supportive of Willow and Angel’s relationship, it meant more to her that Xander was finally okay with it. He was, after all, her best friend since the age of five.
"So, tell me, now that I’m here and ready to actually listen, how did you and Deadboy get together?" Xander questioned. Willow looked at her friend and, seeing that he was truly interested, began to explain how she and Angel had finally hooked up.
"It all started right after Angel came back from hell." At Xander’s gasp, Willow explained. "No, not like that. That’s when we finally started to become friends. Whenever Buffy needed to patrol or do something with her mom, she would ask me to go and check on Angel. And, considering the way he saved my life during that whole fake Watcher episode, I was more than willing to. It was the least I could do.
"Well, we started talking. I think it was a way for Angel to heal. He needed to let go of what had happened to him and I had the impression the Buffy wasn’t to keen on the details of everything. She just wanted things to go back to normal, or at least, that’s what she said. I think she just wanted to forget the whole Angelus thing ever happened, even though she couldn’t. Buffy could never see past the demon to what was there with it."
"But you were?" Xander stated. Willow shrugged her shoulders.
"It wasn’t even a matter of seeing past the demon, it was more like accepting it," Willow said. "I mean, its a part of him. It helps make Angel Angel. Does that make any sense?" When Xander nodded his head, Willow continued her story. "So anyway, Angel and I just started hanging out. I would tell him about Oz and he would tell me about Buffy. We justgot close. I don’t even think it was love then, it was just needing someone to talk to that didn’t have any expectations of who we were supposed to be.
"Now, I’m not going to deny that I didn’t have a crush on him. I mean, this is Angel we’re talking about. Every girl dream. Tall, dark, and handsome, who couldn’t fall for him. But, I had Oz and I was happy. Things were going good. We had defeated the mayor. Collage was about to start. I was finally going to get away from my parents. The only thing I didn’t like was that Angel was gone. He had left for LA and I missed talking to him. Then the whole Oz and Veruca thing happened. Then Thanksgiving when Angel came back, something just clicked. I knew he was there for Buffy and I felt bad because he couldn’t’ go to her, but there was something else. When I ran into him at the coffee house, I felt like this electric current just shot through me. I was so happy to see him. We spent all night talking and it was like he never left.
"After that, we made sure to always keep in touch. We would call each other, or email telling the other how our day was going. It was just like before, but it wasn’t. There were things that weren’t being said, at least in my mind. That’s when I realized I was falling in love with him. And I was pretty sure that he couldn’t possibly feel the same about me. Even if Delia tried to convince me otherwise."
"You told Cordelia that you were in love with Deadboy before me," Xander cried. "I think I’m insulted."
"Don’t even try it," she admonished. "You were all wrapped up in Anya and then we had to deal with Spike and the Initiative. I needed to talk to someone outside of it all and Delia fit the bill. She kept trying to tell me that Angel felt the same way but I couldn’t believe her. I think she told Angel that I liked him, because the next thing I knew, he came down right after New Year’s and promptly decided that I was the one meant for him.
“He did everything he could think of to try and convince me that he loved me. And I, like the idiot that I was, refused to believe him. I thought it was just gratitude or something because I had made his soul permanent. You should have seen his face when I told him that I didn’t want him because he felt he owed me something. He looked like a wounded little puppy. I felt so bad for him. So, I let him proceed to romance me. He did it slowly, not wanting to scare me or anything, but eventually he succeeded. And I’ve never been happier."
"And we all just turned our backs on you because Buffy couldn’t see past her own jealousy," Xander commented when Willow finished. "she had us all wrapped around her little finger. I just wanted to hate Angel so much for taking you away from us while the whole time it was Buffy that was pushing you away. Can you ever forgive me?"
"There’s nothing to forgive, Xan," Willow promised. "Besides you’re here now and that’s all that counts. Let Buffy stew about it if she wants. I know the truth and now, so do you." Xander looked over at the girl that he had grown up, realizing for the first time what a beautiful young woman she had become. He thanked the Gods that she believed in that she had found Angel and the souled vampire made her happy. He just wished he could find that kind of happiness. Willow noticed the frown that seemed to cross Xander’s face once more and guessed at the cause.
"Don’t worry, Xan, things have a way of working out. You’ll see," Willow promised, causing Xander to smile.
"Is this Willow my best friend talking, or Willow who is sleeping with her dream vampire?" He teased.
"Both." And with that willow was determined to make sure that her friend would be happy. Now all she had to do was to get Spike to admit that he had feelings for the boy.
~Part: 6~
“Hey Willow, what’s happening,” Cordelia Wyndham-Price, formerly Chase,
asked as she entered the offices of Angel Investigations.
“Not much,” the red head replied. “just trying to convince Angel that
we need to get Xander and Spike to admit to each other that the have a
thing.” This announcement stopped Cordelia dead in her tracks.
“Okay, can you run that one by me again?” She inquired. “I could have sworn you just said that Xander and Spike had a thing for each other.” Willow grinned at the former cheerleader, who sat down in her chair with a thump. “Okay, I’m so missing something here.”
“Well, last night Spike showed up at our place,” Willow began.
“Wait a minute,” Cordelia interrupted. “The bleached wonder is here?”
“Yup,” Willow nodded. “Seems dear old Buffy has been a royal pain in his behind and he got tired of it.”
“Okay, that makes sense,” the brunette stated. “We all know how well Bitchy has taken to you and Angel being together and Spike being there probably just gave her what she considered a natural outlet for her anger. But how did that make you think that he had a thing for Xander?”
“Because I could see it with every look that he tried not to give him,” Willow explained. “I mean, it was so obvious. All the barbs that the two of them would fling back and forth, just got me thinking that they had a thing for each other. I mean, remember how much you and Xander used to fight, even after you two hooked up.”
“And you think its because they like each other,” Cordelia wanted to reiterate, trying to picture her ex-boyfriend and the blonde vampire as a couple. Surprisingly, it wasn’t that difficult to do.
“Well, I had my suspicions,” Willow muttered. “But I was pretty sure. I mean, it seemed so obvious how they felt about each other whenever they talked to me. They would always go out of their way to say something about the other one, even if it didn’t make any sense. Almost like they were trying to convince themselves that they didn’t care for him. Like they had to make a point of insulting the other person just to prove that they wouldn’t rather be flattering them or something.”
“And have you asked them about it?”
“Well, I asked Spike last night,” Willow admitted. “Actually, more like tricked him into admitting it. And Angel was supposed to talk to him earlier while I was out with Xander. I think it was one of the reasons that Spike came here. To get away from Xander and Anya and the way that she always demanded sex from Xander. You have to admit, it does get kind of sickening after awhile.”
“Wait a minute, Xander’s in town too.” Cordelia shook her head at what she had missed. It seemed she wasn’t as in the loop as she thought she was. She hated not knowing things, especially when they concerned people she cared about. “What about Anya?”
“Seems she left him.” At Cordelia’s unspoken question, Willow continued.
“Okay, here’s the gist of what I was told. Anya apparently got into the habit of watching Xander sleep. And, during one of these little sleeping sessions, she heard him mutter Spike’s name and she had a feeling it wasn’t in the “I want to kill him” sense.”
Cordelia held her head in her hands, trying to digest all of the information that she was being given. “Okay, so let me see if I got this straight. One, Spike showed up here last night and you tricked him into admitting that he had a thing for Xander.” Willow nodded her head.
“Two, Xander showed up here, sometime after that, saying that Anya left him because she heard him dreaming about Spike.” Again another nod. “And did Xander admit that he had a thing for Spike?” And yet a third nod from the red head. “So now you’re trying to think up some way of hooking up said vampire and my former boyfriend?”
“Yup.” Willow was practically bouncing with excitement of helping her two friends find their way to each other.
“You know, I should know better than to come in late,” Cordelia groaned. “I just miss all of the fun.”
“What fun are you talking about Cordy?” A female voice asked from the doorway. The two girls looked over, smiling when they saw Faith standing there with her contribution to the office. Two dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts.
“Don’t ask, Faith,” Cordelia answered. “It’s too weird, even for this office.” Faith looked between the two friends, wondering what was going on.
“Oh-kay,” Faith drawled. “I won’t ask, except does this have anything to do with why I just saw Blondie upstairs with the boss and Xander is outside wearing a hole in the pavement.”
“Xander’s still outside,” Willow squeaked, jumping up from her seat and running over to the front doors. She opened them and saw the teenager walking back and forth outside. “Alexander Lavelle Harris, you get in here right this minute.”
“Oh oh, someone’s in trouble,” Cordelia whistled, recognizing the tone in Willow’s voice. “The only time Willow uses full names is when’s she’s upset with someone.”
“Why would she be upset with Xander?” Faith inquired.
“Seems Willow is of the sound mind that Xander and Spike have a thing for each other and neither one of them wants to admit it.”
“Then why are they both here?” Cordelia shrugged.
“I have no idea,” she admitted. “I just work here. I don’t know anything.”
“Okay,” Willow started, closing the window and walking back over to the two girls. “Xander’s on his way up here. Now, I don’t want either one of you to mention that Spike is here. I don’t want Xander to take off.”
“But if he has a thing for Blondie, why would he take off,” Faith wanted to know. She was intrigued by the concept of the vampire and the mortal hooking up. She liked both of them and there had been a number of occasions where her dreams starred both of them in various positions.
“He would take off because he doesn’t think that Spike would have a thing for him,” Willow patiently explained. “You know Xander and how low his self-esteem is. He thinks that if Spike knew that he liked him, that he would just laugh in his face. And Spike is sure that Xander wouldn’t want anything to do with him because he’s a vampire.”
“Sounds like another couple we know,” Cordelia grinned.
“Does this mean we have to set them up too?” Faith whined, causing the other girls to laugh.
“You know, I think I should be scared hearing you all laugh like that,” Xander stated upon entering the room. Cordelia jumped up and ran over to her ex-boyfriend, giving him a hug. She had long put aside any remaining animosity she had for his betrayal during their senior year and the two of them had formed a tentative friendship.
“Xander Harris, why didn’t you tell me you were coming to LA,’ Cordelia admonished him. “
“It was a last minute decision and I wasn’t sure how I would be welcomed considering how stupid I’ve been acting,” he admitted.
“And that would be different from when?” the seer teased. “You’ll always be welcome here.”
“Yeah, didn’t you know? Angel Investigations is the official home of the misfits,” Faith joined in. Xander looked over at the rogue Slayer. This was the first time he had seen her since she had gotten out of jail. He knew that Willow and Angel and the others had accepted her in their lives, having decided to help in her rehabilitation, but he was still unsure of how to react to her. He couldn’t quite forget how she had tried to kill him the previous year. Faith saw this and understood it. She knew that she still had to prove herself to people, even though they said that they accepted her.
“Its good to see you Xander.”
“Good to see you, too, Faith,” Xander said. “It is you, right. I mean, the last time I saw you, you were Buffy when you had that whole Xena/Callisto body switch thing going.”
“Yeah, it’s me and I’m sorry about all of that,” Faith stated. She went over to the boy and held out her hand. “I know I can’t really make up for everything that I did, but I hope that maybe we can start fresh. you know, on a whole new page and all of that.”
“You’ve been listening to Willow haven’t you,” Xander smiled, deciding that if he was going to start fresh with Willow, then he might as well do the same with Faith.
“Part of my rehabilitation,” Faith joked.
“Hey, I think I should be insulted,” Willow chimed in. Faith, Xander and Cordelia all laughed at the outraged look on the red head’s face.
“Ahhh, but that’s why we love you, Wills,’ Xander said, putting his arm around her shoulder. “Because there’s only one Willow.”
“So, Xander, what brings you to LA anyway?” Cordelia asked, pointedly ignoring the scathing look that Willow was sending her way. The cheerleader wanted to see what excuse the boy would give them.
“Well, I, ummm,” Xander tried to come up with a reason for his appearing so suddenly. “I just decided that it was time for me to make up for everything that I’ve been putting Willow through.”
“Hey, we already went through that,” Willow punched the boy on his arm. “I forgive you and I’m thrilled that you’re here.”
“Thanks. So what’s on today’s agenda.” Before anyone could say anything, a very loud and angry British voice was heard.
“Bloody hell, Peaches, I already told you that I don’t want to talk about it,” Spike yelled, storming up the stairs to the office. The blonde vampire stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of the pale mortal in front of him.
“Xander.”
“Spike.”
~Part: 7~
A week had passed since Spike and Xander had seen each other at Angel’s
office. Both men were staying the hotel but, much to Willow, Cordelia and
Faith’s chagrin, they had managed to find the two furthest rooms from each
other to inhabit. And, unless there was an emergency where they were needed,
both men took great pains to not be in the same room as the same time.
“What are we going to do with those two?” Cordelia asked, settling
onto the couch next to Willow. The two women, along with Faith, were doing
a girl’s night in, having kicked Wesley out of the home he shared with
Cordelia. It was something they had started doing shortly after Faith had
joined their little group, all of them needing time off to just relax and
enjoy being among friends. That evening, their main topic of conversation
was the on-going non-relationship between Spike and Xander.
“I don’t know what we can do since they refuse to even talk to each other,” Willow replied. “I don’t think they’ve said two words to each other since they got here.”
“They haven’t, but I think that’s more Xander’s choice than Spike,” Faith stated. “Xander’s the one that makes a bee line for another room when he sees Spike.”
“I know,” Cordelia agreed. “The bleached wonder has tried to talk to Xander but the idiot keeps ignoring him. It’s gotten to the point that Spike’s stopped trying and I can’t blame him for that. How many times should he put himself out when it’s obvious that his attention isn’t wanted?”
“If it wasn’t for the fact that Xander told me that he was falling for Spike,” Willow said, “I would never even think it was possible by the way he’s acting towards him. I’ve asked Xander about it, why he was ignoring Spike the way he is, and he told me it was because he didn’t want to deal with wanting Spike but knowing that it can never go anywhere. He figures that if he keeps Spike at a safe distance, he won’t have to deal with the rejection.”
“So he’s going to do the rejecting instead of actually giving Spike a chance, thus ensuring that no one is happy,” Faith commented, causing the other two girls to look at her. “What? I had to do something last week when I was healing from that vamp attack. There was nothing else on so I had to deal with Oprah.” The three of them laughed at that before quickly getting back to the subject at hand. “What Spike needs to do is somehow corner Xander and convince him to actually talk.”
“But he can’t,” Willow protested. “No matter what I say, Xander isn’t willing to give it a chance. I even told him that I thought his feelings might be returned but he didn’t believe me and then he told me that if I keep bugging him about it, he’d actually leave the hotel. I can’t let that happen. I just got Xander back in my life, I can’t lose him now.”
“And if Xander left, I think it wouldn’t be too long until Spike left too,” Faith added. Blondie’s already talking about taking off. He said something about going down to Africa. Said he had heard about a demon there that might be able to get the chip out of his head. And, while I think he needs to get that thing out of his head, I’m also pretty sure that if Spike left now, there’s no way in hell he would come back. Especially if Xander is still here.”
“How do you know all this, Faith?”
“Hey, Blondie’s cool. He and I are becoming friends. He needs someone to talk to about things, especially Xander since I got him to admit that he actually cares for the idiot,” Faith explained. “And he doesn’t feel that comfortable talking to anyone else in the house so I’m there for him when I can be.”
“What do you mean, he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to anyone else?”
“We’re all trying to be Spike’s friends?” Both Cordelia and Willow protested. “Why can’t he talk to us?”
“Guys, trust me, it wasn’t anything personal,” Faith assured them. “The reason Spike doesn’t feel as if he could talk to you about what’s going on, or not going on as the case may be, is because the two of you are Xander’s friends and he didn’t want to put you guys in the middle of whatever is going on. And even though Angel is Spike’s sire, he is also your mate, Willow, and he knew that whatever he said to him, Angel would later tell you. And, come on, can you two honestly see Spike going to Wesley?”
“No.”
“I guess not.”
“Exactly, so who else is Spike going to talk to? And I gotta tell you two, that boy has some serious relationship issues,” Faith told them. “I think he’s actually more insecure than Xander, even though he doesn’t show it.”
“What do you mean, Faith,” Willow asked. “What exactly has Spike told you?”
“He told me about his life before he was turned,” Faith said. “Did you guys know he wrote poetry? Bad poetry, but poetry all the same.”
“No way.”
“Spike as a poet, why don’t I see it?”
“I couldn’t picture it either, but that’s what he was,” Faith continued. “He actually went to Oxford to study law. And he was in love with this chick named Cecily and man did she break his heart. Told him that he was beneath her. That was the night that he was turned. Then he had Dru. And he fell hard for her but she wanted Angel. Sure Spike was a good play thing but she would throw him aside in a minute if her daddy was calling. And let’s not even get into Darla. Not to mention Angel. I mean, sure today his Mr. Brood Boy but back then, it was all torture, blood and mayhem. Hey, we’ve all read the Watcher’s Journals. Sorry Red.”
Willow looked down, uncomfortable at the reminder of her mate’s past. She accepted that Angel had an evil side to him, she had seen it first hand, but she did her best to put it out of her mind. Unlike Buffy, who had tried to forget that Angel was a vampire, Willow understood that the demon was a part of her lover and encouraged him to accept that part of him also and to stop living in the past when it comes to what he had done before getting his soul back.
“No, I know that there’s some serious history between Spike and Angel,” Willow finally said. “And I know it’s not of the pleasant.”
“Yeah but you didn’t need me to remind you of that,” Faith stated. “The only reason I even said anything was because I wanted you guys to understand why Spike is acting the way he is when it comes to Xander. He’s made the overtures and has been turned down. Considering it something that he’s use to, I honestly don’t think Blondie’s going to go out of his way to see if Xander is interested in him. Fuck, even I can only take so much rejection before I get on the clue bus.”
“So you’re saying that Spike’s giving up?” Cordelia asked, surprised to hear that. She had never imagined Spike being someone who gave up on something he wanted and she knew that he wanted Xander. “That he’s willing to let Xander go?”
“He doesn’t know that Xander wants him the same way he wants Xander,” Willow commented, seeing where Faith was going and understanding the way Spike was feeling. “All he’s been seeing is Xander running from him as quick as possible with no explanation. Spike probably thinks that Xander wants nothing to do with him.”
“And all the while, Xander is running because he wants nothing more than to jump Spike,” Cordelia said. “Shit, I think Wesley had the right idea after all.”
“What idea?”
“My dear sweet husband said that he thought we should just lock the two of them together in a room and not let them out until they’ve either killed each other or gotten together,” the brunette told them. Faith and Willow looked at each other and then turned their attention to Cordelia, twin smirks on their faces. “What?”
~Part: 8~
"I can't believe I let you talk me into this," Angel said, watching as Willow checked over the various herbs that she needed for the spell that she and Wesley had decided to perform. "I don't think I can stress enough just how much of a bad idea I think this is."
"It's not a bad idea," Willow argued. "I think it's just what we need to do to get those two to actually admit their feelings for each other. I'm afraid of what might happen if we don't."
"Nothing will happen," the vampire stated. "Granted, I don't like the way they've been avoiding each other lately, but I'm not positive that they should be a couple. I think everyone's just asking for trouble by insisting that Spike and Xander should admit their feelings and get together." Willow looked at her mate in disbelief. She couldn't believe that he would be willing to deny Spike and Xander a chance at the happiness that she, herself, had discovered with Angel.
"Angel, are you trying to say that you think it would be better for Spike and Xander to continue being miserable?"
"No, of course not," Angel said, trying to figure out a way of getting out of the corner his words had backed into.
"Then what exactly are you trying to say?" Willow asked, her stare telling him he had better make whatever he was going to say good. "You know how much Xander's been hurting. I've told you about some of the stuff he's said to me. And I know you and Spike have been talking. You know that they care for each other so how can you not want to help them?"
"It's not that I don't want to help them," Angel tried to assure her.
"It's just that, given who we are talking about, how can you not see any
relationship between them, even with the
feelings they have for each other, bringing them anything but trouble?
Neither one of them are exactly known for the good judgment."
"That's not fair," Willow protested. "Yes, I know neither Spike nor Xander have had the best of luck when it comes to relationships, but that's not exactly either one of their faults. In fact, as was recently pointed out to me, you were part of the reason Spike's life is so fucked up. Does the name Drusilla mean anything to you?"
Angel winced at the mention of his dark childe. The guilt he felt at what he had done to the vampiress when she was still just a young girl still weighing heavily on his soul. Out of the many things that he had done when he was a member of the Scourge of Europe, his actions that made Drusilla insane were the ones that were some of the worst and he knew that Willow understood that. It was why his mate bringing that up made him realize how serious she was in her quest to make the two men in question happy.
Willow felt bad for bringing up Drusilla. She knew how Angel felt about the vampiress, and it was the reason she took pains to not bring up Angel's past unless he needed to talk about it, but she felt that getting Spike and Xander together was important enough to point out her mate's own actions being a reason Spike was the way he was. The wince she saw when she mentioned Drusilla hurt her almost as much as it had hurt Angel.
"I'm sorry, Angel. I shouldn't have said that."
"No, Sweetling, you're right," he told her. "I am partially responsible
for the way Spike is now. Angelus turned him to be a companion to
Drusilla, making sure that he knew that his
responsibility was to keep her happy, but Angelus never took into consideration
what he needed. He tried to be a good childe, and Angelus could see
that he had the makings of being a vicious vampire but Angelus never gave
him a chance. Angelus never had time for him and, in return, he tried
all the harder but nothing was good enough." Willow didn't miss the
way Angel had started talking in the third person. He did that often
when talking about his past.
"Spike was they type of childe any sire would have been proud of, but there was something about him that made Angelus hate him. He refused to bend to Angelus' will. The more Angelus pushed him the more he would resist."
"Sounds like you might have actually been proud of him, no matter what you say?" Willow stated. Angel was silent for a few minutes and Willow could see that he was actually thinking about what she said and she didn't want to push him any further than she had too.
"As much as I hate to admit it, I was," Angel told her. "He never backed down from a fight, no matter how unwinnable it was, and when it came to Angelus, there was never a fight that Spike could win. Every time Spike defied him, Angelus would make his punishment even harsher and Spike never bitched. He would just take whatever torture was coming and just move on. It was why I've never been able to kill him, even though he's tried hard enough to make me want to."
"So then why are you so intent on us not helping him and Xander getting together?" Willow wanted to know, not understanding her mate's reluctance to their plan. "If you know what Spike's been through, why are you so insistent that we shouldn't try and make him happy?"
"It's not that I don't want him to be happy," Angel said. "It's more like I don't want him hurt if this little plan that you and the others have cooked up doesn't work. I don't think he would be able to deal with that again." Willow smiled and took her mate into her arms. Now that Angel told her what was going through his mind, she understood his concerns. Normally, she would even agree with him, but she couldn't this time. This time she believed that things would work out. That Spike and Xander would be able to make each other happy.
"Angel, honey, Spike isn't going to be hurt," the red head promised. "Xander cares for him. I honestly think its love, for both of them. Even Anya saw that. It's the reason she left Xander in the first place and yet she didn't seek any kind of vengeance on him, even if she isn't happy about it. That tells me that they were meant to be together."
"And you're going to make sure that they actually get together, even though the two of them are taking great care not to be in the same room together?" Willow grinned at him and he couldn't help but return that smile and she knew that her mate was going to help.
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