Part Twelve

"Here, hold this," Cordelia said, handing Wesley a shopping bag. He
staggered under it’s weight.

"What in heaven’s name is in this?" the former Watcher asked as he shifted
for a better grip. It wouldn’t do to drop it, whatever it was. He had a
feeling the brunette would hit him if he did.

Cordelia shrugged. "It was on Willow’s list. Magick stuff. I think
anchoring Angel’s soul really depleted her supplies. Ooh, look at that
halter top," she said as she stopped in front of a store window. Wesley
barely stopped himself from running into her.

"Halter top?" he asked.

"Let’s go inside," the brunette added, already headed for the door.

"Inside?" he repeated, following her with a resigned look on his face. He
should have known this was going to happen.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Angel leaned over Willow’s shoulder, looking at the book in her hand. They
were searching the indexes for the second time, this time going over each
book together in case one of them had missed something on the first time
around.

"You do realize this is getting pretty pointless?" Willow said. "I mean,
those things could be out eviscerating some poor guy, and here we are,
looking it up in a demon index under the WRONG NAME!"

"It’s not the wrong name, Willow."

"And if you know what it is, then how come we aren’t out killing it?"

"Because all I know is that it’s called a Hilopsis demon. I don’t know how
to kill it."

"Well, that’s helpful." Willow sighed and shrugged her shoulders, trying to
relieve the tension in them. Knowing that Willow’s snippiness was simply
due to frustration and a feeling of helplessness, Angel didn’t comment,
instead raising his hands to her shoulders and kneading them gently.

"Just keep looking," he told her. "We’ll find something eventually."

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

"What about this?" Cordelia asked, holding up a top.

"It looks like a handkerchief."

"Well, duh. That’s what it’s supposed to look like!"

"Oh, well, then it’s lovely."

"Wesley?" Cordelia said, an odd look on her face.

"What?"

"Catch me," she managed before she collapsed into his arms in the throes of
a vision.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Willow sighed loudly as she turned the page of yet another demon index.
"It’s not in here."

"It has to be," Angel told her.

Willow set the book down and turned to look up at the vampire who had spent
the past hour hovering at her shoulder. She was beginning to get a bit
claustrophobic. "No, it doesn’t. It probably doesn’t even exist."

Angel stared into her eyes for a moment, mesmerized by how the dark green
grew lighter near the pupil of her eye, forming a circle of bluish green
around the blackness. Her eyes were truly amazing. Shaking himself
slightly, Angel returned to the matter at hand. "Yes, it does exist.
Remember, I saw it."

"I meant that the Hilopsis demon doesn’t exist. The one you saw must have
another name."

Angel raised his eyebrows as she repeated her belief for what had to be the
millionth time. "What’s it going to take for you to be quiet?"

Willow thought for a moment, her brow furrowing in what Angel thought was a
most adorable manner. "Cold, hard cash," she replied decisively.

"How about something else?"

"Depends on what you’re offering," the redhead said, the first smile Angel
had seen in hours appearing on her face.

Angel couldn’t help but grin back as he leaned closer to her. "Why don’t I
show you?" he asked, drawing even closer.

Both closed their eyes as their lips drew closer together. Then, when they
were no more than an inch apart-

"Hey, you two! We’ve got a job!"

Willow and Angel jumped apart as Cordelia’s voice cut into the moment, and
the pair tried their best not to look as if they’d just been interrupted.
Angel was shocked by what he had almost done. It wasn’t that he didn’t find
Willow attractive; he did. He thought she was absolutely adorable,
amazingly sweet, and incredibly smart. But
kissing her was just not a good idea. He didn’t want to do anything that
might damage their friendship. Turning towards the entrance to the room,
Angel spoke to the others.

"What is it?" he asked as Wesley helped the brunette out of the elevator.

"Flying demons after some guys near the beach. Probably the same ones you
two were researching."

"They were researching something?" Wesley asked, surprised. No one had told
him.

"Yeah. Anyway, they were in a sea cave or something."

"Hilopsis demons?" Angel asked.

Wesley nodded. "According to the description Cordelia gave me, yes, that is
likely," he said, not noticing the triumphant look that Angel sent in
Willow’s direction. "However," he continued, "they’re more commonly known
by the simpler name of demon faeries."

"How do you kill them?" Willow asked, watching Angel carefully, trying to
look annoyed, but fighting the smile that wanted to appear. The vampire
looked stunned by the thought that he could have been the least bit
inaccurate. "Oh, wait! I already found it!" the redhead said suddenly,
holding up the index in her hand. "It says here that to kill them, you
simply pull off their wings."

"Yes," Wesley confirmed. "They’re rather like flies that way."

Willow shot Angel a winning smile. "You were right. We did find them
eventually. Of course, it was under a different name, which makes me right,
too, doesn’t it?"

"Whatever. Let’s go kill these things."

"Not until you admit we were both right."

Angel stuck his tongue out at her.

Part Thirteen

"Well, that was rather anticlimactic," Willow said as the group entered the
apartment less than two hours later.

"Totally," Cordelia agreed. She turned to the men. "Not that I really want
to know, but how do those little things manage to eviscerate people, anyway?
They’re so easy to kill."

"Would you have thought to pull off their wings if they had attacked you?"
Angel asked the brunette reasonably.

"No."

"That’s how they do it. Their wings are their power center, and the only
way to kill them is through the removal of their wings," Angel informed the
girl. "The people they attack can do nothing against them as long as they
have their wings. Therefore, evisceration is possible. I’d rather not go
into the exact details of how they do it, though."

"Oh, well..." Cordelia trailed off as the phone rang, and she dove for the
phone. "Angel Investigations. We help the hopeless," she chirped perkily
into the receiver.

"Does she really need to do that on your personal line?" Willow whispered to
Angel, causing the vampire to smile slightly as he shook his head in answer.

"Yeah, he’s here," Cordelia was saying to the caller. "Just a second." The
brunette held the phone out to the vampire, covering the mouthpiece. "It’s
Kate," she told him in a stage whisper.

Angel nodded as he took the phone. "Hi, Kate. Any information?"

The vampire continued his conversation with the police detective while the
others headed into the kitchen area. Because of Cordelia and Wesley (and
now Willow), the vampire had taken to keeping actual food in his home.
Willow headed for the brownies she and Cordelia had made the day before
while Cordy grabbed some sodas and Wesley pulled out some chips and dip, his
personal favorite snack food. The trio was munching in companionable
silence when Angel entered the room a few minutes later.

"Well, that was quick," Cordelia stated as she tossed Angel a can of Pepsi.
The vampire looked at the now rather shaken soft drink in his hand, then set
it on the counter. "What did she have to say?"

"She’s coming over."

"It’s bad, isn’t it?" Willow asked quietly, taking in the even more serious
than usual expression on the handsome vampire’s face.

"It could be. I’m just not sure."

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

"There was poison in the drugs?" Cordelia asked, confused. "Wouldn’t
killing all the customers have a really bad effect on business?"

"I would imagine so," Kate confirmed. She was sitting as far away from
Angel as possible. She hated to admit it, but she was still uncomfortable
in the presence vampire.

"This is weird," Willow announced, stating the obvious. "Vamp kills are
usually of the biting and sucking or neck snapping variety. They don’t
usually resort to poison. Not violent enough."

Angel nodded his agreement. "She’s right. They’ve got to be up to
something."

"But what is it?" Kate asked, looking at Angel expectantly.

Angel gritted his teeth, not pleased by the look that Kate was giving him.
"Why are you asking me?"

"Well, because..."

"I’m a vampire, and therefore, I should know how other vampires’ minds work.
Is that it? Well, I’m sorry to disappoint you, Detective Lockley, but it
doesn’t work that way. I’m as lost here as you are." He glared at the
woman for a moment before going to the counter and busying himself with
pouring a mug of coffee.

"I think I have an idea," Wesley spoke up suddenly.

"And that would be?" Kate questioned.

"There are certain... sacrifices that require a person to be dead, but
intact. Draining the victim of blood or breaking a bone would render the
body useless."

"But how could they get to victims after they’re poisoned?" Cordelia asked,
confused. "I thought vampire’s couldn’t enter unless they were invited."

"We’re not necessarily just dealing in vampires here. If they’re gathering
bodies for a sacrifice, they’re most likely worshipping a demon of some
sort. The demon could have other minions, or the vampires could have gotten
invitations at some other time," Angel said calmly. He went over to his
desk and sat down. Willow was perched on the edge of the desk, and she
could still see he was upset about Kate’s earlier comments. She reached out
and took the vampire’s hand, and Angel smiled slightly, accepting the
gesture of comfort.

"But what demon is it?" the detective asked.

"I don’t know," the vampire stated. "I have some contacts that may be able
to tell me something," he continued as he stood up. "Wesley, why don’t you
come with me, and we’ll go see what we can find?"

The former Watcher nodded and stood up as well, following the vampire out.
Cordelia headed into the other office to check the phone messages, leaving
Willow and Kate alone.

"You don’t trust him, do you?" Willow asked the older woman.

Kate didn’t pretend not to understand. "Why should I?"

"I think the proper question is why shouldn’t you," the redhead stated
quietly but firmly.

"Look, it’s not that I don’t want to. I know he save people; I’ve seen him
save people. But he’s still a vampire..."

"So?"

"I’ve read things about him, Willow. Things he’s done."

"I assume you mean things that happened when he was running around
soulless?"

"What?"

"Angel has a soul. That’s what makes him different from other vampires."

"But what if he’s just acting?" Kate protested, wringing her hands.

"Not possible," Willow shot back, getting a bit angry. "He was cursed with
a soul about a hundred years ago. Granted, it had a loophole big enough to
drive a semi through-"

"What do you mean?"

"He lost his soul a couple years ago. He has it back now, and he can never
lose it again."

"How can you be so damn sure?"

"Because I not only restored his soul; I’m the one who anchored it as well.
He isn’t evil, Kate. Angel is still a vampire. He always will be; nothing
can change that. But he isn’t evil." Willow looked down at her hands, then
looked the other woman in the eye. "How many times has he saved your life,
Kate?"

"What?" the blonde asked, surprised.

"How many?"

Kate looked down for a moment, staring at the redhead’s shoes. After a few
seconds, she met Willow’s eyes once more. "At least five times that I can
think of," she admitted.

Willow nodded, then stood up. "Well, now you have a decision to make. Do
you judge Angel based on what was written about his demon over a century
ago, or do you judge him by the actions you have witnessed? Do you judge
him by his soul? We may need your help with what is coming, Kate. But if
you can’t trust Angel, we can’t ask for it. He’s our leader. Cordelia,
Wesley, Angel, and I - we’re a group, a team, and we trust each other with
our lives. If you can’t do the same, then we can’t work with you. It would
weaken the group. It’s your choice. Are you with us or not?"

The redhead went to the door of the office, stopping to look back only
briefly.

"Think about it."

Part Fourteen

When Willow walked back into Angel’s office nearly an hour minutes later,
Kate was still there. She hadn’t even moved from her spot on the couch.
The redhead studied the other woman in silence. The lovely blonde had her
knees curled up to her chest, her chin resting on her knees. When she
sensed the young redhead watching her, she lifted her head, meeting Willow’s
eyes.

"I was wrong," she said simply, but her eyes were eloquent. Willow could
see both sadness and regret in the police detective’s blue eyes. Sighing,
the witch went over to the woman and sat down beside her.

"It’s okay; everybody screws up sometimes. I’m just glad you realized it."

"I’m sorry."

Willow smiled sadly at the other woman. "I’m not the one you need to
apologize to."

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Angel made his way through the tunnels quickly, cursing all the while. It
was times like this that he wished he had kept the Gem of Amarra. He would
have been able to walk outside inside of being forced to learn all the
twists and turns of the damn sewer system. Angel reached the trapdoor that
led up to his apartment, and he flipped it open, grateful to discover it was
indeed unlocked. He had sent Wesley back ahead of him to do just that, and
he was glad to see that the former Watcher had made it back before he had.
It gave him less to worry about.

Angel heaved himself up through the whole, then headed to the bathroom to
clean up a little before heading upstairs.

Sewer systems were hell on personal hygiene.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Angel entered his office about ten minutes later, surprised to discover that
Kate was still there. He’d expected her to bolt as soon as he left for
information. Before he could question her presence, Willow spoke up.

"What did you find out? Wesley hasn’t told us a damn thing."

"Word around town has it that a Lorgough demon hit town a few months ago.
They feed on human cadavers; it’s the only way they can survive."

"Cadavers? Ew," Cordelia said with a shiver, her nose wrinkled in distaste.

"Why don’t they go get their victims themselves?" Willow asked.

"It would be a bit conspicuous," the vampire told her. These things are
basically blobs. Think Jabba the Hutt, only purple."

"Gross," Cordelia muttered, but Willow had other thoughts on her mind.

"You’ve seen Star Wars?" she asked.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

As the five prepared for the fight ahead, Kate made her way over to Angel,
stopping just behind the vampire. She tapped him on the shoulder, and he
turned around slowly, a questioning look in his eyes.

"What is it?" he asked. There was no anger or hostility in his voice, but
Kate’s guilt still doubled.

"I just wanted to say I’m sorry. For before. What I said, the way I
acted... the way I’ve acted since I found out you’re a vampire. It was
wrong. I know you’re not like other vampires..."

"Kate?" he said gently, interrupting her monologue.

"Yes."

"It’s okay."

The detective breathed a huge sigh of relief.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Angel took the lead as the group entered the underground building, letting
his enhanced senses guide him.

"Are you sure this is it?" Cordelia asked. "I mean, it is a little dank."

"Well, I’m sorry it’s not up to your standards. If I’d know we were having
guests, I would have cleaned the place up," a voice said from the darkness.
The new arrival, a vampire, stepped into the light, and Angel morphed into
his demon face.

"That’s okay," he told the creature. "We would have just messed everything
up in the fight anyway." And with that, he lunged.

And the fight was on.

Kate’s eyes widened as other vampires came into view, and she immediately
lifted the crossbow in her hands. Given the fact that she was a police
officer who just so happened to be a damn good shot, it had been decided
that the weapon would be perfect for her. As she released the first bolt
and watched her target disintegrate into dust, she realized that the others
were right.

She really liked the crossbow.

Angel tossed his opponent into the wall, then staked him easily before
reaching behind him and grabbing the minion that was trying to sneak up on
him.

"Sorry, doesn’t work that way," he told the creature as he broke its neck,
then staked it as it went down.

Cordelia shot a stream of holy water into her attacker’s face, grateful that
Willow had suggested the use of water guns as weapons. The vampire howled
in pain, then turned into a big pile of dust as Wesley staked it from
behind. Cordelia smiled her satisfaction at the former Watcher before going
on to her next victim.

Willow grinned into the face of the vampire that was on top of her, then
flicked the lighter she held, catching the creature’s arm on fire. The
vampire screamed and flailed wildly, searching for something, anything, to
put the fire out with. Before it could, however, the fire had spread too
far, and the vampire was incinerated.

The group made their way to the back of the building, knowing that was where
the Lorgough demon would be. As they entered the final chamber, however,
they realized that they still had a long way to go before they won. The
chamber was full of vampires.

Angel attacked full force, while Cordelia aimed her water gun at a group of
vampires, burning them all rather severely in the face. The way they
collapsed to the ground and covered their faces made it quite easy to stake
them. Kate had taken to setting the bolts on fire before shooting them,
ensuring that the vampire would either be dusted by a bolt through the heart
or incinerated with flame.

Willow made her way to the back of the room, where the Lorgough demon lay in
a tub of some sort. Angel had explained that the demon needed certain
chemicals as well as cadavers to survive, and the redhead correctly assumed
that the solution the creature was in was a mixture of the chemicals.
Kneeling behind the tub, which was really a rather large plastic pool, she
removed the knife she carried with her from her pocket, then used it to cut
a hole in the pool, sending liquid everywhere. Then, to ensure the demon’s
death, she plunged the knife in its back, wringing an unearthly cry from the
creature.

All fighting stopped as the cry rang out, and the entire group turned as one
to see the tiny redhead standing over the corpse of the Lorgough demon.
Seeing their master dead, the vampires fled, and by the time the others
turned their attention back to their surroundings, the only vampire that
remained was Angel himself.

Slowly, the vampire turned back to Willow, giving the girl an assessing
look.

"What?" she asked.

Part Fifteen

"You could have gotten hurt. Or worse. Damn it, Willow, you could have
gotten killed," the vampire grumbled as he paced back and forth across the
floor. They were back from the fight, and everyone but Willow had left the
office and headed back home.

"But I didn’t. I didn’t even get hurt," Willow reminded him. She hopped
off the desk she was sitting on and spun in a slow circle, her arms held out
from her sides. "See?" she told him. "I’m perfectly fine."

"That’s not the point."

"Then what is? That whole could have, would have, should have crap makes no
sense. It’s pointless to think that way." She stepped closer to the
vampire and put her hands on his cheeks, forcing him to look at her. "Look,
Angel, the demon’s dead, we’re all fine, and no one’s going to die tonight
to feed a Lorgough demon. Plus, we took out a whole bunch of vamps. I’d
say we did good, wouldn’t you?"

Angel raised his hands to Willow’s arms, gently gripping her wrists as he
looked down at her. He sighed, an unnecessary expulsion of breath, but it
showed his frustration with the situation. "I know we did a good job
tonight, Willow. But..." he trailed off, not sure how to continue.
Unfortunately, Willow had grown a bit tired of the brooding, cryptic guy
routine. She wanted answers.

"But what?" she prodded.

Angel looked down at her for a moment longer, then released her wrists and
stepped back, resuming his pacing from moments before. After what seemed
like forever, he stopped and faced the redhead, who was watching him
patiently.

"I was scared," he finally admitted.

"Scared," she repeated dumbly, a confused look on her pretty face.

"I looked over there, and I saw you standing over that damn demon, and it
scared me," he told her seriously. "I realized that I’d had no clue where
you were during the fighting, and it terrified me. You could have gotten
hurt, and I wouldn’t have known it. I don’t want anything to happen to you,
Willow. I don’t know what I’d do."

Willow blinked back the tears that threatened to spill from her eyes and
walked over to the vampire, wrapping her arms around his waist. He
responded by wrapping his arms around her small frame, pulling her even
closer. He leaned down so that his head was resting against hers, relishing
in her warmth, her life. She really was okay; she hadn’t been hurt.

She was safe.

"I’m sorry I scared you," she told him with a little hiccupy sob. "I didn’t
mean to."

"I know. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you," he admitted, his lips
brushing her ear as he spoke.

"It’s okay," Willow murmured as she looked up at him.

That was their mistake.

They were so close, so close their lips were almost touching. They were
already practically kissing. It seemed natural to simply lean in a little
bit closer and make the kiss a reality.

Willow closed her eyes as Angel’s lips met hers, momentarily shocked by
their coolness. Sometimes she forgot he was a vampire. Angel tightened his
arms around her even more, lifting her off the ground in an effort to get
her body closer to his. The redhead wound her hands in his hair, messing it
up more than it already had been and not giving a damn.

After a few minutes, Willow pulled away slightly, desperate for breath, and
Angel set her back down on the ground as he trailed kisses down the slender
slope of her neck. As his lips covered hers once more, he swept his tongue
inside her mouth, eager to taste her. He slid his arms from around her
waist and ran his hands up and down her arms before allowing them to roam.

Willow felt like she was drowning. Or floating. Or both; she wasn’t sure.
All she was sure of was that she didn’t want it to stop. She had never felt
anything like this before. Not with Oz, not those few times she’d kissed
Xander, not with those few idiots Buffy had talked her into going out with.
None of them even came close. Willow moaned against Angel’s mouth as his
hands explored her body. This was true passion.

Willow’s moan sent shockwaves through Angel. Dear Lord, what was he doing?
Willow was his friend, the best friend he had ever had, and here he was,
seducing her. What was he thinking? It didn’t matter that he couldn’t lose
his soul anymore, Willow still deserved better than what he could give.

And what about Buffy?

The thought hit him like a bucket of ice water. What about Buffy? He was
supposed to love her. He didn’t think loving her meant making out with her
best friend.

Angel pulled away from Willow and looked down into her flushed face. She
was breathing heavily, and he could feel her heart pounding.

Under his palm.

Stunned, Angel looked down into the barely-there space between them. And he
couldn’t believe what he saw.

His hand was on Willow’s breast.

Without stopping to consider the difference in size and strength between
himself and the small redhead, the vampire shoved Willow away, sending her
sprawling on the floor. She looked up at him, confusion and pain in her
eyes.

"Angel?"

"That shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have let it happen. It won’t
ever happen again."

Willow slowly stood and started to go towards Angel. She stopped when he
stepped back. Biting her lip, Willow blinked against the tears that
threatened. Even though her breakup with Oz had occurred months before, she
still had an intense fear of rejection, and she could see that very thing in
Angel’s eyes. "What is it?" she asked. "Don’t you want me?"

"No, I don’t," the vampire told her, hoping she wouldn’t look down and see
the evidence his body presented to the contrary. He hated himself for
hurting her like this, but he had to get her to leave before he lost all
vestiges of control and took her into the next room and proved that the
spell to anchor his soul had really worked.

"Is it Buffy?" she asked, her voice breaking. Her heart was breaking, too.

"Yes. I mean, why would I want you would I’ve had her?"

The color left Willow’s already pale face, and she stepped back as if he had
hit her, actually lifting her hand to her cheek as if to touch the spot
where the blow had landed. "I’ve got to go," she whispered, turning and
heading for the door.

Angel saw the look on her face, and he knew he had gone way too far. Damn
it, he wanted to get her to leave, not damage her irreparably. He had to
fix things; he had to make her understand. Angel cursed himself a million
times over as he went after, grabbing her by the arm. "Willow, wait.
Please. Baby, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. Please, little one, let me
explain."

Willow turned back to him, tears streaming down her face. She jerked her
arm from his grasp. "No! Leave me alone, damn you!"

"Willow, please..."

"I’m leaving!"

Angel stepped back. "Okay. You can go. Just promise me you’ll let me
explain tomorrow."

Willow shook her head. "No. I’m not leaving the office; I’m leaving Los
Angeles. I’m not coming back here." As Angel watched in stunned silence,
too shocked to go after her, Willow went to the door, then turned back to
face him once more. Her lovely face was stained with tears, and she was the
picture of heartbreak.

"Oh, and Angel?" she said, venom in her voice. "Why don’t you go back to
Hell? And this time, stay there."

Part Sixteen

Angel sat alone in his office, moving his chair slightly from side to side
as he stared off into space. The vampire began shaking slightly as the
realization of what he had just said and done sunk in. He wanted nothing
more than to run after Willow and make the tiny redhead listen to him, but
he knew that would only drive her further away. Dear God, what had he done?
He had always thought of Willow as the fragile one, the one who needed to
be protected. And what had he done? He had destroyed her with a few
poorly chosen words. God, how could he have done that? How could he have
taken it that far? If only he hadn’t said those things. If only he hadn’t
kissed her.

If only he hadn’t fallen in love with her.

And he had. He knew it now. There were so many signs. The way he wasn’t
quite happy each day until after she had arrived. The way her smile always
did weird things to him. The way an indescribable terror had gripped him
when he saw her standing over that demon. If that didn’t signal to him how
much he loved her, nothing would.

Angel shook his head, forcing himself out of that train of thought. He
couldn’t love her; it wasn’t possible. He wouldn’t allow it. Besides that,
he had ruined that now. There was no way Willow would let him back in her
heart after what he had just done. He had seen the shattered look on her
face, and his actions had torn her up inside. He wasn’t even sure she would
allow him to be her friend anymore.

Angel growled softly. No. He wouldn’t allow himself to think that way. He
couldn’t. He had to find a way back into her life.

Sighing, Angel stood up and headed to his apartment and the trapdoor that
would let him down to the sewers, allowing him to move freely during the
day.

He had to go to Cordelia’s.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

"Um, hello. You don’t know me, but I’m a friend of Willow’s. My name’s
Cordelia Chase. Oh, Willow’s told you about me? Good. Look, everything
went to hell up here, and she’s going back to Sunnydale. I need for someone
to pick her up when she gets there..."

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Angel splashed his way through the sewer, for once not caring if he got
dirty. He felt like hell.

He might as well look like it, too.

~~*~~*~~*~~*~~

Cordelia groaned as someone knocked on the door.

"It’s open!" she yelled, knowing that any vampirey creature would still be
unable to enter. She didn’t particularly care if it ended up being some
perverted lowlife that could enter, either. She figured she was pissed
enough to pummel anyone who tried anything.

"Cordelia?"

The voice was soft and sad and unmistakably Angel’s. Cordelia whirled
around, venom in her eyes. Those eyes widened in shock when she saw the
bedraggled state of the vampire, and she immediately hardened herself
against him. "What do you want?" she hissed out.

"Willow. I need to talk to her. Is she here?" he asked a bit disjointedly.

"Does it look like she’s here?" Cordelia snapped. "She’s gone. She left
already."

Angel’s eyes took on a panicked look, and Cordelia had to force herself to
continue to glare at him. She quickly reminded herself of what Angel had
said to Willow, and she could barely prevent herself from snarling at him.

"What do you mean, she’s left?" Angel asked. "Where did she go?"

"Like I’d actually tell you after what you did." Stepping closer to the
vampire, Cordelia let all her frustrations out. Willow may not be here to
make him feel as guilty as hell, but she was. "How could you do that? What
the hell were you thinking? ‘Oh, gee, I saved a bunch of people, now it’s
time to destroy one. Hey, it all balances out in the end.’ Well, guess
what, Angel; it doesn’t balance out. She fell for you, and you ripped her
heart out, you bastard!"

Angel stood silently, accepting the brunette’s condemnation. How could he
not? He deserved it. Even so, he still wanted answers. "Where is she?
When is she coming back?"

"She’s not. She’s left Los Angeles for good."

"You just let her go off on her own when she was that upset?" Angel burst
out, furious.

"No, I did not. I’m not like you. You’re the one who let her run out of
the office like that. Kate took her to the bus station."

"Kate?"

"Yeah, she really likes Willow. Plus, she has a car. And when Willow gets
where she’s going, Forrest and Graham will be there to pick her up."

"What if I get there first?" Angel said, making a move for the door. He had
to get to her. He had to explain; he had to apologize.

He had to grovel at her feet for months on end.

"Oh, no you don’t," Cordelia said, grabbing his arm and whirling him around.
Being pissed off had certainly made her feel stronger. She liked it. "I
sent her out there to be in the care of Forrest, Graham, and Amy until I
could get to her. They, at least, love her, and they would never hurt her."

"I love her, too."

"Great way of showing it. You should open a charm school. But that’s not
the point. The point is, you are not going after her. Seeing you would
just hurt her even more, and knowing your wonderful ability for tact, you’d
probably just make it worse."

"Cordelia, I need to see her..."

"Try it, and I’ll stake you."

Angel stepped back, shock by the vehemence in the brunette’s words. He
looked around him, hoping to find something that would tell him he was in
the throes of some awful nightmare, or perhaps an alternate universe. He
found no sign of that, but he did find something else.

"What’s with all the boxes?"

"I’m moving. Willow and I are going to get a place together, maybe invite
Buffy and Amy to join us. It depends on where we move to."

"Why?"

"Why am I moving? I’m moving because Willow’s become my best friend. She’s
probably the only real female friend I’ve ever had. I missed her so much
when she was in Sunnydale this spring. She’s a great roommate, and there’s
really nothing holding me here. So I’m leaving."

"But what about acting?"

"I suck at it. I figure I’ll go to school instead. My grandfather offered
to pay my tuition."

"You can’t leave, Cordelia. Your visions. You’re my only link to the
powers that be."

Cordelia headed to her bedroom, then came back carrying a box, which she
handed to Angel. "Problem solved."

"What is it?"

"A fax machine."

"You bought me a fax machine?"

"Actually, you bought it. I charged it to your account. I got one for
myself, too. I have a vision, I fax you the info."

"Where will I be able to reach you?" the flabbergasted vampire managed. He
couldn’t believe this was happening. He had lost both Willow and Cordelia
in the same day.

"You won’t. I’ve already talked to Wesley about having another line put in,
and that should be done tomorrow. It can be used solely for the fax
machine, and I already know the number." Cordelia stared at him for a
moment, then looked at the door. "You can leave now. I’ll be in touch."

In shock, Angel turned and left the apartment. He looked back once, only to
find that Cordelia had already gone back to her packing.

It was the last time he saw her for five years.

Part Seventeen

March 2005

"What the hell are you doing here?" Willow repeated, glaring at the vampire
who stood less than twenty feet away from her. She shifted her luggage in
her hands, thankful she had arranged with the shops to have the supplies
delivered the next day. If she hadn’t, she’d probably be hurtling things at
Angel, which wasn’t the best idea in the world. Some of those supplies were
valuable. Willow continued glaring at the vampire before her. She hadn’t
thought she would ever see him again, and she wasn’t exactly appreciating
the surprise.

"Cordelia had a vision," Angel said quietly, unable to take his eyes off the
redhead before him. As a teenager, she had been pretty in a way that Angel
knew would eventually blossom into something else. And he had been right.
Willow Rosenberg was no longer simply pretty or adorable, she was gorgeous.
She had let her hair grow again, and it hung in waves halfway down her back.
It looked like silk. Her eyes were still that amazing green, and they
were alive with anger at the moment. She was dressed simply in jeans and a
tank top, but she was still stunning. It seemed little Willow Rosenberg had
finally become as stunningly beautiful on the outside as she was on the
inside.

Willow’s eyes widened considerably as the implications of Angel’s words hit
her. She knew the vampire wouldn’t show up simply because of one of
Cordelia’s visions. The brunette had been having visions almost once a week
for the past five years, and the vampire had never shown up before. It was
obvious that Cordy’s vision had to be about one of them. The redhead turned
and nearly ran towards the front door, practically dragging her suitcases on
the ground behind her. Before she could open the door, however, it swung
open to reveal an extremely handsome man with blue eyes. Without a word, he
took Willow’s bags from her, then pulled her into his arms. The sight
caused a sick feeling to settle in Angel’s stomach.

"It’s good to see you," the man told Willow as he released her. The redhead
looked up at the man, not even making a move to enter her own home.

"What’s going on, Graham? Angel said Cordelia had a vision. What was it?
Is something going to happen to Cordy or Amy?" She paused in her rapid-fire
questioning for a moment before throwing one last question in. "And what
are you doing here?"

The guy gave Willow a slight smile, then looked beyond the woman to Angel,
his smile disappearing. He acknowledged the vampire with a nod, then turned
his attention back to Willow. "Cordy did have a vision, but everything’s
all right for now. Why don’t we all go inside, and we can talk about
everything then. Do you have anything else that you need me to get from the
car?"

"No. I’m having everything shipped." The redhead started to step inside,
only to stop and turn to look at the vampire who had broken her heart so
many years before. Seeing him again opened old wounds, but she knew that
the Powers That Be wouldn’t send him unless he was needed. She hated the
thought that something so bad was coming that they needed help.

Graham stood silently, knowing that Angel needed an invitation in order to
enter the house, but refusing to give him one. He didn’t think it was his
place. This wasn’t his house, so it wasn’t his decision. Besides that, he
could still remember quite clearly that day in late June when he and Forrest
had picked Willow up from the bus station. He had never seen the petite
redhead so broken up over anything, and he hoped he never would again. Only
the fact that he was concerned about hurting Willow even further had kept
him from going up to LA and staking the bastard.

Angel waited, wondering if he was going to get the invitation he needed. He
vaguely remembered hearing Willow tell Cordelia stories about Graham during
that summer five years ago, and he knew from the look he was getting that
the guy knew the entire story of what had happened in LA.

"Angel, I invite you in," Willow said softly. Her voice was so quiet that
even Angel’s vampiric hearing could hardly pick up on it. That unpleasant
task through, she entered her home with Graham and Angel following behind.
"So, Graham, what are you doing here?"

"The vision was about Amy," he told Willow. "Cordelia was worried about Amy
being in the house alone, so we decided to stay here with her until either
you or Angel arrived."

Willow nodded slowly and smiled her thanks at Graham for taking care of her
friend. Angel, on the other hand, was a bit confused.

"Why would she be alone? Doesn’t Cordelia live here, too?"

Willow shook her head, not even looking at the vampire behind her. "She
moved in with Graham a few months ago when the two of them got engaged. Amy
and I are the only ones who live here now." Cordelia and Graham were
engaged? Not knowing what to say to that, Angel remained silent. It
appeared that he had a lot of catching up to do before he knew what was
really going on here.

The redhead led Graham and Angel up the stairs, bending to scoop up a calico
cat on her way. The cat immediately settled itself in Willow’s arms,
purring contentedly while its owner stroked its fur. At the head of the
stairs, Willow turned, taking the men into a large sitting room. Cordelia
and Amy were both sitting inside, and the blonde witch had dark circles
under her eyes. Willow dropped the cat immediately, leaving it glaring at
her from its spot on the floor. After a moment, it lost interest in the
woman and began to bathe itself.

Willow, on the other hand, crossed the room rapidly, going over to her
friends, both of whom had stood up when they saw her. "Oh, God, Amy. What
is it?" the redhead asked as she pulled her friend into her arms. Amy clung
to her, trying not to cry, and Willow turned to Cordelia, obviously
frightened. "What happened, Cordy? What was in the vision?"

The brunette bit her lip, her eyes filled with sadness.

"Damion’s back."

Part Eighteen

"Who’s Damion? Is he a demon of some sort? And how do you know him?" Angel
asked, finally breaking the silence that had descended over the group at
that announcement. The others jumped; they had forgotten about the presence
of the vampire. Willow turned to him, her eyes filled with disdain.

"Unfortunately, not all evil is demonic," she told him. "Remember Faith?"

"How could I forget?" Angel returned, trying to match Willow’s detached
tone.

"Well, Damion makes her look like a Girl Scout."

"He killed Forrest," Amy added quietly.

Angel’s brow furrowed in momentary bewilderment, then it hit him. Forrest
and Amy had dated. In fact, he could clearly recall how excited Willow had
been about the two being together.

"How?" Angel asked, wanting to know what he was up against.

Amy took a gasping breath, clearly disturbed by the memory. Willow shot the
vampire a dirty look, then nodded to Cordelia. The brunette put her arm
around the blonde witch and led her out of the room. After watching them
go, Willow turned to Graham. The man seemed to be waiting for a signal from
Willow, and after a moment, he turned and left as well, leaving Willow and
Angel alone.

"You didn’t have to be so blunt about it," Willow told him as she walked
over to the window.

"I need to know what I’m up against. How bad is this guy?" Angel asked as
he came to stand beside her. Neither one looked at the other, instead
choosing to look out the window.

"I used to think that I could handle anything," Willow said after a long
moment. She sounded as if her mind was far away from where they were, and
Angel knew she was remembering. "We had faced so much together: Spike, the
Judge, Acathla, Mayor Wilkins. But that was nothing. I mean, none of them,
not even the mayor, were truly human. There is nothing more frightening
than an evil human being. Demons... they’re supposed to be evil. But
humans? They’re not. But some of them are."

"And Damion’s one of them."

Willow jumped as if she’d been hit. She immediately changed her stance and
her facial expression, closing off completely. The sight made Angel ache
inside. For just a moment, he had seen the real Willow: the sweet,
intelligent, inherently good human being he had known years before. But
now, that was all gone, and in her place was a stranger.

"Yes, he is," Willow said in a clipped voice. She began to pace back and
forth, occasionally looking at Angel. She knew she couldn’t afford to slip
up again. She couldn’t let her guard down. She had to remain calm and cool
until he was gone; otherwise, she’d fall apart. Willow was terrified that
if she let her guard down, she’d end up letting him back into her life, into
her heart. She couldn’t let him break her heart again. It still wasn’t
completely healed from the first time.

"What can you tell me about him?" Angel asked, keeping his voice carefully
even. Willow’s face was blank, but her eyes were as expressive as always.
He had been able to see every emotion in her eyes, including the fear, and
he hated himself for it. If it helped her to keep things completely
businesslike, he would.

"He’s evil," she stated bluntly, then shook herself. "That’s not very
helpful, is it?" Taking a deep breath, she continued. "He’s human, but
he’s witch. A very, very powerful one. And he’s always looking for ways to
get more power."

"Which is why he wants Amy."

"Probably."

"How did Forrest die?" Angel asked quietly. "I wouldn’t ask, but I need to
be prepared for anything that may happen."

Willow closed her eyes, forcing herself to go back to that time two years
ago. Back to the pain.

"Amy and I were shopping. We make perfumes, candles, and various
aromatherapy things for Cordelia’s clothing store. We get our ingredients
from various magick shops, and Damion saw us at one. He did some research
on us, found out who we are. What we are. We’re pretty well known in the
Wicca community. Not many witches have spent more than a year as a rat,"
she said with a humorless laugh. Willow opened her eyes, and Angel could
see the tears glistening in them. He wanted to take a step toward her, but
he knew she would just shy away. "Anyway," Willow continued, her blindly
staring at the tapestry that hung on the wall, "he decided that he wanted
us. He had us taken by his minions."

"Minions?" Angel asked softly, careful not to startle her. He could tell
that she wasn’t really with him anymore. He could also tell that wherever
she was happened to be a very painful place.

"People he promised great power to in order to get them to obey him. I
don’t think he ever followed through; he simply killed them when he grew
tired of them. After we were taken, the others looked for us. It took them
days to figure out where we were. I don’t even want to know how many people
Buffy beat up for information. But they found us. They got us out of
there, but Forrest was captured. We tried to go back for him, but Damion
had put up a barrier, a force field, if you will. Amy and I were weak; we
didn’t have the strength to break through it. We went home to regroup, and
the others planned to go back the next day. We’d even called up friends
that could help break through the force field, just in case Damion left it
up. But we never got to go back."

"Because he killed Forrest."

Willow nodded, a sick look crossing her face. "He sent him to us in
pieces," she whispered.

"Oh, God," Angel whispered, forgetting his earlier decision to keep his
distance and stepping towards the trembling redhead. Willow jerked away
when she felt Angel’s hand on her arm. The motion caused her hair to swing
back, and Angel was afforded a view of a long, thin scar that ran the length
of Willow’s neck, disappearing into the back of her shirt. The mark wasn’t
disfiguring; in fact, it was barely discernible. In a few more years, it
would probably be undetectable. However, Angel’s eyes were glued to the
mark. He pulled her hair away from her neck for a better look, then looked
into Willow’s tear-filled eyes. The redhead blinked, causing the tears to
fall from her eyes and trail down her cheeks.

"Damion likes to play," she whispered harshly as her tears began to fall
harder. Without thought, Angel pulled the woman into his arms. Willow
rested against him for a moment, then pushed away, angry at herself for
seeking comfort in the vampire’s embrace. "Don’t touch me!" she told him,
stepping back, obviously ready to bolt.

"Willow..."

"No! I can't do this again!" she cried, raising her hand between them,
trying to keep the distance. She walked backwards, heading for the door,
then turned and fled from the room.

Angel could hear her sobs as she ran down the hall.

Part Nineteen

Willow ran down the hall as quickly as she could manage. Her eyes were
blurred with the tears that fell, and she stumbled, bracing herself against
the wall. The redhead finally made her way to her bedroom, and she slammed
the door shut behind her and locked it, desperate to be alone. She couldn’t
let anyone see her like this, so out of control. No one. Especially Angel.
Gasping for breath, Willow pressed herself up against the door. She
wrapped her arms around herself as if she was cold, trying to control the
shaking that was coursing through her. She tried to pull herself together,
and after a few minutes that seemed like hours, the petite redhead managed
to stop the sobs that were radiating from her. She pressed her fisted hand
to her mouth as a sick feeling settled in her stomach.

What the hell was she going to do?

He was back, and she didn’t mean Angel.

Not that she wasn’t bothered by the reappearance of the vampire; she was.
But that was different. Angel she could handle. She may hate every blasted
minute of it, but she would deal with it, especially if it meant saving Amy.
Willow forced herself to breath deeply as she thought about the vampire.
Angel. He may be one of the last people she ever wanted to see again, but
Willow knew he wouldn’t hurt her. At least, not physically. She could
growl, scream, curse, and throw things at him, and she knew the ensouled
vampire would take it. His guilt complex wouldn’t let him do anything else,
and she had seen in his eyes that he still felt guilty over what had
happened five years before. It was strange. Even after so long, even after
trying so hard to forget, she could still read him perfectly. What did that
old song say? ‘The heart never forgets’? Well, that was certainly true, at
least in this case. She hadn’t forgotten a damn thing about Angel. Damn
him. He dressed the same, spoke in the same manner, looked the same. Of
course, his looks weren’t something he could alter, unless he went out and
shaved his head or something. She wondered if he smelled the same, then
remembered the brief moment she had allowed herself the solace of his arms.
Yes, he did smell the same. He even felt the same. Damn him.

And damn her for caring.

It wasn’t supposed to matter anymore. He was just a memory. Unfortunately,
he was a memory who was currently inside her home.

Her shaking subsiding, Willow stepped away from her door, but continued to
hug her arms to herself as she walked to her bedroom window. The slender
redhead checked the lock on her window, then lifted her hand to the lock,
whispering a few words. The lock glowed briefly, and Willow lowered her
hand, examining the now magickally enhanced piece of metal. It wouldn’t
protect her against an enemy who was magickally stronger, but it would slow
that enemy down.

Sighing, Willow turned and crossed to the bed, catching sight of herself in
the mirror. The redhead stepped closer to it, stopping when she was less
than a foot away. She turned and angled her head as she lifted her hair
away from her neck, trying to get a glimpse of the scar Angel had spotted.
She ran her finger along it, causing it to glow momentarily, then dropped
her hand, allowing her long red hair to fall back into place.

He was back. Damion was back.

And not only was he back. The bastard was also after Amy.

But was that all he was after?

Willow moved away from the mirror. She went to her dresser and began
yanking things out. She pulled the clothes she wore off, then jerked the
pajama pants and shirt she had gotten out onto her tired, worn out body.
She slammed the drawer of her dresser shut with such violence that she was
surprised when it didn’t pop back out at her.

The redhead looked around her room, trying to find something to throw as the
rage inside her built to an almost dangerous level. Willow’s gaze
frantically searched her room, and the redhead finally settled for the dozen
or so pillows on her bed. With an angry curse, she began throwing the
pillows at the wall with a vengeance.

He was back. The evil, viscous, son of a bitch was back. And what would he
do now? Just what did he have planned now? Would he take Graham from them
this time, only to send him back to them like he did Forrest? Willow didn’t
think she could take that again. She forced down the bile that threatened
to rise in her throat as a vision of Forrest’s decapitated head flashed
through her mind. She picked up the next pillow and threw it with even more
force, knocking over and shattering a lamp. Damn him. Damn Damion for what
he had done and what he would do.

The violence inside the redhead caused her to start shaking again as more
questions ran through her mind. Would Damion take Amy again? Would he take
her as well? And the torture... would he torture them again? Would he run
those sharp knives against their bare skin with that wicked grin on his
face?

As a gasping sob forced its way out of her throat, Willow moved from her
pillows to the pictures that decorated almost every available surface in the
room. The photographs covered her walls, her dresser, her night table...
everything.

And they were about to cover the floor.

She threw the first one against the wall, wincing as the glass shattered and
the frame broke. The pieces scattered across the floor, but the photograph
inside remained undamaged. Not nearly satisfied, the redhead picked up the
next picture and hurled it against the wall as flashes of her time as
Damion’s captive began rolling through her. Sobbing brokenly, Willow began
tossing picture after picture at the wall, not even noticing when someone
began pounding on her bedroom door.

"Willow! Willow, are you all right in there? Damn it, open this door!"
Graham’s panicked voice penetrated the haze of grief, fear, and rage that
had encompassed the redhead, but she was too caught up in her what she was
doing to let him stop her.

"Go away!" she shouted, hating the fact that her voice broke.

"Damn, it, girl, let me in!" Moments after the yell came to her, she heard
pounding on the door. Sobbing brokenly and shaking like a leaf, she sank to
the floor just as Graham managed to break the lock on her door and come
bursting in. "Oh, Willow," he whispered as he took in the form that was
curled on the floor. He dropped to his knees beside her, pulling her into
his arms. He held her until her struggles subsided, then began rocking her
back and forth when she collapsed against him, weary and exhausted.

Neither one noticed that Angel was standing in the doorway.
 

Part Twenty

"What did he do to her?" Angel demanded harshly as he stalked back and forth
across the kitchen the next morning, strategically avoiding the patches of
light that filtered in through the blinds.

"I really don’t think that’s any of your business," Cordelia retorted as she
sipped her coffee. The pretty brunette sat at the breakfast table, her
demeanor calm and cool, even though her closely guarded emotions were
threatening to boil over.

"And I think it is."

"Then why don’t you ask Willow?" Cordelia asked, although she knew the
vampire couldn’t do that. According to Graham, the redhead had cried
herself to sleep the night before, and she was utterly exhausted. Given
Angel’s reaction this morning, the vampire had clearly either heard or
witnessed part of the outburst, and Cordy knew he wasn’t about to go wake
Willow up in order to ask her about it.

"I can’t do that, and you know it," Angel virtually growled at her, his eyes
flashing dangerously as he glared at the back of the brunette’s head.

"And just why can’t you?" Cordelia asked innocently. She was stunned when
her mug of coffee was wrenched from her hand and thrown against the
refrigerator where it shattered. Cordelia watched as the liquid ran down
the front of the appliance, staining the photographs that were held in place
with magnets. The brunette turned to face the vampire, taken aback by the
fury and pain in his eyes.

"She won’t speak to me, and you know that. Damn it, she’s hurting, and I
don’t know how to help her. The Powers That Be sent me here to destroy this
guy, and you won’t even tell me what the hell I’m up against. How the hell
am I supposed to protect Amy if I don’t even know what to expect from this
guy? I know he’s after witches, and I know he hurt Willow and Amy last
time... but that doesn’t give me much to go on. Don’t you give a damn that
Amy’s life is in danger, or do you hate me so much that you’d sacrifice your
friend in order to keep me in the dark?"

Cordelia studied Angel’s face for a moment, overwhelmed with guilt. She had
let her anger with Angel over long ago events cloud her judgment, and she
had behaved in a way that could only be described as obnoxious and petty.
Not only that, but she had also left out an extremely important detail from
her vision.

"It’s not just Amy you’re supposed to protect," she admitted quietly.

"What?" Angel whispered, the stolen blood in his veins running cold.

"Willow was in the vision, too."

"Why didn’t you tell me that before?" the vampire asked, his voice rising.
The volume at which he was speaking was about two steps down from a yell,
but he didn’t care. He was furious with the brunette for keeping this from
him.

He was also terrified for Willow.

"I didn’t know if you’d come," Cordelia admitted softly, refusing to meet
Angel’s flashing eyes. She was sure he would vamp out any minute.

"What did you say?!? How could you possibly think that?" Angel ground out
furiously. This time, he was truly yelling. He ached to grab the woman and
shake her, but he knew he would probably injure her severely if he did so.
He didn’t think he’d ever been so angry in all his two hundred and fifty
plus years. "Do you really think so little of me? Do you really think I’d
have just sat back and let Willow die if you’d tell me she was in your
vision?"

"Well, I-"

"I’m not finished yet!" Angel virtually roared, oblivious to the fact that
other people had now entered the room. Amy, Willow, and Graham watched the
scene before them, trying to figure out just what the hell was going on. "I
care about her, whether she cares about me or not. If you had a vision with
Willow in it, you should have told me."

"I’m telling you now."

"I was in the vision?" a soft voice questioned from the doorway.

Angel and Cordelia stopped glaring at each other and swung around to face
the intruder, stunned to find Willow, Amy, and Graham all watching them.
Even the cats had come to investigate what all the noise was about.

"I was in the vision?" Willow repeated, her voice shaking. Angel’s heart
broke at the sight of her. She looked so small and frail, and he promised
himself that he would protect her.

"Look, Willow," Cordelia began, but the redhead didn’t stay to listen,
instead taking off in the other direction.

Angel took off after her, following the soft sounds of her crying as he
dodged the light that filtered in through the home’s many windows. He found
Willow in the downstairs sitting room, and he went in, closing the door
behind him before making his way over to her. He singed his hand slightly
as he passed too close to a window, and he stopped when he reached the
redhead, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"Willow? I... I didn’t know you were in the vision until a few minutes ago.
If I had known, I would have told you."

"Cordelia should have told me," the redhead said in a quavering voice. She
allowed the vampire to turn her around, and he looked into her tear-streaked
face.

"Yes, she should have," Angel confirmed. "But she didn’t, because she was
worried about you."

"She didn’t think you’d come if you knew."

"I would have come," Angel told her fiercely. "I swear it. Nothing could
have kept me from saving you."

"Damion might," Willow said sadly, her tears falling more freely. Angel
cursed quietly, then pulled the petite redhead into his embrace, stroking
her back comfortingly. He had never seen Willow so afraid of anything.
Closing his eyes to the wave of tears that threatened to overcome him, Angel
leaned his face in close to Willow’s head, pressing his lips against her
forehead.

Willow immediately stiffened and pulled away. "No. Don’t do that. I can’t
handle it if you do that."

"Why not?" Angel asked her softly, not letting her get more than an arm’s
length away.

"This is how it started last time. First we were comforting each other,
then we were kissing, then you were shoving me to the ground and telling me
how undesirable I was. I can’t deal with it if you push me away again. Not
now. Not ever."

"I made a mistake, and I don’t mean when I kissed you five years ago. I
mean what happened afterwards," the vampire told her as she broke away from
him and headed for the door. He grabbed her arm before she could make a run
for it and turned her around to face him. "Please, Willow, let me explain,"
he begged.

The redhead stared at him. His eyes were pleading with her, and his voice
held a hint of desperation in it. But that wasn’t what caught her. What
caught her was the heartbreaking remorse that emanated from him. Against
her better judgment, Willow found herself wanting to hear what he had to
say.

"Fine. I’ll listen," she told him, affecting a bored tone, even though her
insides were churning.

Angel had never heard any sweeter words.

Part Twentyone

Angel ran his hands through his already haphazardly styled hair, sending it
sticking out in several directions. He had waited for nearly five years for
the opportunity to explain things to Willow, but, now that he had the
chance, the vampire had no clue what to say to the woman.

"I’m waiting," the redhead said softly, and Angel looked over at her,
meeting her reluctantly curious eyes.

"I don’t know what to say to you, the vampire admitted. "I’ve... I’ve
waited for this chance for so long... now I’m afraid I’ll screw it up."

Willow cocked her head, taking in the apprehension on Angel’s face, and she
found her traitorous heart going out to the vampire. She reached out and
took his hand, gazing steadily in his fathomless brown eyes. "Just talk,"
she advised him gently. "I’ll listen."

Angel sighed. "First of all, I need to tell you I’m sorry," the vampire
said as he released Willow’s hand and headed over to one of the couches to
sit down. Willow followed him to the darkened corner and sat down next to
him. Angel sighed again before continuing. "You have no idea how sorry I
am. The things I said... I was wrong. I was cruel, and I was unfeeling,
and... I was lying. I didn’t mean a damn word I said."

"Then how could you say them?" Willow asked softly, her voice small and
hurt. She sounded more like the child she had been than the woman she was.
"If you didn’t mean them, how could you even think those words, much less
say them?"

"Because I’m an unfeeling bastard?" Angel suggested questioningly, thankful
when the redhead chose not to agree with him. Sighing once more, the
vampire spoke in a more serious manner. "I was trying to push you away. I
did it intentionally."

"Why?"

And there was the crux of the matter. The million dollar question. Why had
he done it? Angel knew the answer, but he didn’t know how Willow would
react to it, so he decided to work his way up to it.

"I was scared," he told her.

Willow blinked in surprise at the vampire’s unexpected answer. Scared of
what? Scared of her? "Why?" she asked again.

Angel buried his face in his hands for a moment. Raising his head slowly,
he met Willow’s eyes and told her what he had been wrestling with for five
endless years. "Because I was afraid I was falling in love with you," he
said bluntly, watching her to gauge her reaction.

The redhead’s eyes grew wide and her mouth formed a little ‘o’ of surprise.
Her expression would have been amusing if the situation hadn’t been so
serious. After a moment, she snapped her mouth shut and raised her eyebrows
at Angel. "I don’t believe you," she informed him primly.

"Why not?" the vampire asked.

"Why would someone like you fall in love with someone like me? And beyond
that, why would it frighten you?"

Angel registered both of her questions, but he was still stuck on the first
one. "What do you mean, someone like you? Is there something wrong with
you that I don’t know about?"

"You tell me. Oz left me, Xander chose Cordelia - and every other woman in
Sunnydale - over me, and you told me quite clearly - and very bluntly - that
you didn’t want me."

"Oz was an asshole, Xander was a blind fool, and I’m a stupid vampire who
has spent the last five years brooding over the mistakes he made that day
and beating himself up for being too damn scared and stubborn not to go
after what he really wanted."

"And what the hell is it that had you so scared, Angel? Why don’t you
explain that one to me?"

"When I was kissing you... I just panicked. I panicked because I realized
how much I had come to care about you without even realizing it. It came as
quite a shock to me... And it made me realize that, if I was falling in love
with you, then it meant I was falling out of love with Buffy. I still cared
about her, sure, but she was no longer the most important thing in my life.
You were."

"Was falling out of love with Buffy really such a bad thing?" Willow asked.
"I mean, Buffy had already hopped into bed with Riley by then. And what
about me? I had loved Oz for so long... didn’t you think that maybe I was
going through the same feelings you were?"

"I didn’t think, and that was the problem," Angel responded. "I was so
surprised to discover that I was no longer in love with the Slayer, that I
just reacted. By the time I went after you, you were already gone."

"You came after me?"

"I went to Cordelia’s, but you had already left."

"I never knew you came. Cordy never mentioned it to me."

"She was probably afraid it would just hurt you more... Any reminder of me
was probably a bad thing in her mind," Angel told her, surprising himself by
defending the brunette. "But I did go there. I think that was when I
realized that I couldn’t just fix things. Even after I saw the look on your
face that day, I thought I could still make things up to you. But after
that... I thought it was hopeless."

"It probably was at that point," she informed him. "I was so hurt... Damn
it, Angel, you tore me up inside!"

"I know," the vampire said sadly.

"Do you?" Willow burst out. "Do you really? I was already so insecure
before that happened! Everyone back home already had someone... well, Spike
didn’t, but he’s all evil, and Graham didn’t, but he could have had anyone
he chose... and that’s not the point. The point is, Oz had cheated on me,
then deserted me, and I was already feeling pretty damn undesirable before
you rejected me. Do you really think you have any clue how that made me
feel? I was only nineteen years old, Angel, and you kicked me when I was
already down. It took me years to recover from that."

Angel looked down, overcome with the guilt that was washing over him in
waves. "And I am so sorry for that," he whispered raggedly. "I have no
idea how to make it up to you. God, Willow, I don’t even know if I can."
The vampire looked down at his hands; he hated hearing how badly he had hurt
Willow, but he knew it was important that she have the chance to vent to
him, even after all these years.

"It’s been a long time," Willow said quietly. Although she felt as if a
huge weight she had been carrying had been lifted, the redhead knew that her
rage had been spent long ago. This was closure to the past and a possible
new beginning. "I’ve grown up a lot, and I’ve changed. This weekend...
everything was just such a shock... the vision, seeing you again. It
brought back all these unwanted feelings, and I reacted badly."

Angel nodded. He could understand that. "I still love you," he admitted
softly.

Willow stiffened at the vampire’s unexpected confession. She wanted nothing
more than to tell him that she felt the same way, but she was still wary.
Her heart had been broken and bruised too many times to rush into anything.
"I’m not ready for that. I can accept your apology for what happened in LA,
but I’m not ready for more than that."

"I can accept that," Angel said as he took her hand once again. "I’ll
accept anything you’re willing to give me."

"I can give you friendship... and I can give you another chance."

"That’s more than I really thought you’d give me." Angel wanted to shout
from the rooftop that Willow had decided to let him back into her life, but
he knew that there were more important things to deal with. Tightening his
hold on Willow’s hand, he turned to face her, and the redhead could see the
change in her eyes.

"What is it?"

"Willow, I know you’ve already been through an emotional wringer, but I
really need to know..."

"About Damion," Willow finished for him.

Angel nodded, and Willow took a deep breath before speaking again.

"What do you want to know?"

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