*~*~*~

Part 1

*~ They were gathered in the front lobby of the former Hyperion Hotel, now the offices of Angel Investigations when Detective Kate Lockley entered through the tinted glass doors. She tried to control her own grief as she faced the difficult task before her. The small redhead finished the call she was taking behind the front desk and looked up to greet the blonde detective with a bright smile.

*~ "Hi, Kate," Willow chirped, tucking a strand of blood-red hair behind her ear, "Angel's in his office if you need to speak with him."

*~ "Actually, Will, I need to speak to you," Kate said, impulsively moving behind the massive front counter to take the redhead's hands in her own.
"Cordy, can you go get Angel?" Cordelia, who had just returned from gathering coffee for herself and Willow noticed the solemn look on Kate's face and obeyed without saying anything.

*~ "What is it?" Willow's smile was fading as Kate gestured for her to sit down. Her hand trembled as she moved it to her slightly rounding stomach.  "Kate, please, you're scaring me. What happened? Is it... Is it Wes?"

*~ The detective watched the small redhead's tiny hand as it soothed the unborn baby and she wondered if she could do this. Tears threatened as she looked up and met Angel's eyes as he came out of his office, followed closely by a worried Cordelia. Kate had become very close to the small redhead and her husband ever since she'd met them through Angel five years ago. She'd helped Cordy and Angel in the scheme to get the two together. She'd been a bridesmaid at their wedding. Just two nights ago, she'd joined them, Angel, Cordelia, and Gunn right there in the front
lobby to discuss names for the baby. They were so perfect together it had been almost sickening. And now, she had to tell them the news.

*~ "Kate?" Willow's panicked voice broke through her thoughts and the blonde brought her eyes up to meet her friend's green. Willow gasped and her grip tightened painfully. Angel moved behind her and touched her shoulders in support, his dark eyes unreadable as he watched the detective.

*~ "I'm sorry, Will," Kate, said, her words almost too soft to hear. "Wes was shot and killed about two hours ago when he stepped between a mugger and a young woman."

*~ "What?" Willow whispered, her voice gone as the words hit her ears and slowly sank in. "No. Kate, you're wrong. It was someone else. It had to be. Wes said he'd be back by dinner. It's our anniversary. We were going out to Carita's to celebrate." The redhead's voice rose in pitch and volume as she shook her head in denial. "Please, Kate. Tell me you're wrong."

*~ She looked up at Angel, her best friend, and begged him, "Angel! Angel, you know she's wrong. Tell her! Wesley's coming home tonight! Angel?!"

*~ "I'm sorry, Will," the dark haired vampire whispered to her stricken face. She jerked away from him and Kate, jumping to her feet to push past
Cordelia. She didn't bother with a coat against the cold winter rain; she just pushed out of the lobby at a run.

*~ "God, I'm so sorry," Kate's own emotions broke through and she started to cry. "I'm sorry, Angel."

*~ Angel nodded tightly and touched her shoulder gently. "I'm going after her, Cordelia, will you close everything down and call Gunn, please?" He didn't look at his secretary, afraid to see the pain on her face. It was enough to see Willow's and deal with his own.

*~ He didn't wait for her answer; he turned and left after grabbing his black leather jacket.
 

Part 2

*~ She walked for what seemed like hours, not looking where she was going, and not really caring. Thoughts were racing through her mind, bit and pieces of images flashing behind her eyes. His eyes on their first date manufactured by a scheming Cordelia, Kate, and Angel. They'd danced that whole night, the candlelight chandeliers glinting off his dark hair and reflecting in his beautiful eyes. She'd loved his eyes.

*~ The beautiful, sweet taste of their first kiss before they'd retired to their separate rooms in the Hyperion. The delicious feel of his body as they made love for the first time. Their marriage two years ago. His face when she told him she was pregnant.

*~ Her knees buckled and she fell to the wet pavement in the middle of the busy sidewalk. She buried her face in her hands with a loud wail as her grief overwhelmed her. "Oh, Goddess, please..." She rocked back and forth, shaking her head wildly. "Please..."

*~ Familiar hands touched her shoulders and she stilled, pulling her hands down to look at her best friend's wet face. "Angel, he's gone," she whispered, her words catching on a sob. "He's gone. Oh, Goddess. I was going to tell him tonight..."

*~ "What were you going to tell him, love," Angel asked gently, sliding his jacket over her shaking shoulders.

*~ "I got the results of the ultrasound today. We're having twins. That's why I'm showing so much now." Her face crumpled. "He'll never see them... Goddess... they'll never know how beautiful he was."

*~"He's still here, Willow," Angel told her quietly, hugging her tight as she cried. "He'll never be gone from our hearts."

*~ The redhead continued to cry as the dark haired vampire hugged her tight. People continued on their way, no one stopping to question. Most looked away uncomfortably, not used to seeing such raw grief. Eventually, the man picked up the exhausted girl and carried her home.
 

Part 3

*~ She dreamed of him standing under the streetlight in the pouring down rain that didn't seem to touch him. The light pooled around him, making him seem less than real, more like a hologram in a movie. Maybe that's what he was.

*~ "Wes," she asked, and he looked at her with that gentle smile of his and she reached out for him. He took her in his arms and held her tight, burying his face in her hair. "They were wrong..."

*~ "No, love," he said, his voice filled with regret as he pulled away just enough so that he could see her face. "I can't stay long. I wanted to tell you that I love you and our babies. I wish I could stay here with you, but They have other things I have to do. My destiny is to help others elsewhere... You have a separate destiny now."

*~ "W-what are you talking about?" Willow shivered as a chill ran down her spine. "Wesley, please... I don't understand. What's going on? What do you mean, I have a separate destiny? My destiny is with you!"

*~ He kissed her then, so softly, so sweetly that it hurt. They were both crying when he pulled away. "You will understand in time, sweetheart. Just remember that I'm not that far away... You'll never be alone."

*~ "Wait!" Slightly panicked once she realized he was fading, she reached out for him again, crying out when her hand passed right through him. "Wes, don't leave!"

*~ "I'm sorry for all of this, Willow... I love you so much..." She was alone under the streetlight and she felt the despair falling around her like the rain.

*~ "Don't leave me, Wes! Please! I don't know what-," she woke up shouting, her hair falling around her face as she sat up abruptly. Looking around at her and Wesley's bedroom and seeing all his things still surrounding her, it was easy to believe that this whole day had been nothing but a horrible nightmare. The door opened and a broad shadow filled the doorway, her heart jumped into her throat. He was home!

*~ "Willow, are you all right?" But it wasn't his voice speaking. Her shoulders deflated and she fell back against the pillows. She grabbed Wesley's pillow and hugged it tightly as reality set in. He wasn't coming home. She still had to plan the funeral.

*~ "No, I'm not all right," she answered in a strangled voice as she curled up onto her side facing the doorway. Angel came the rest of the way into the room and sat down on the edge of the bed. "He's really gone."

*~ "I know it's hard, Will," Angel told her softly, stroking her hair out of her face. "But you'll get through it. All of us will."

*~ "H-how's Cordy and Gunn?"

*~ "They're still in shock, but they'll be okay. It's you I'm worried about," he answered.

*~ She laughed a little bitterly, "I'll be okay, Angel. I have to be. I can't be anything but okay." Her voice broke and she started crying again. "I have to be strong. I-I have to... I have to t-take care of the babies..."

*~ Angel pulled her into his arms and let her cry, "You're not alone in this, Little One. We'll all be here to help."

*~ "T-thank you," the small witch sniffled, pulling away to wipe at her eyes. He handed her a tissue from the box Cordelia had placed on the nightstand earlier. She chuckled half-heartedly as she blew her nose. "I- I think I'm going to sleep a little longer... Can... Can you tell them I'm fine and I'll be down in a while?"

*~ Angel nodded, taking the obvious hint. "I'll tell them. Get some sleep. We'll be downstairs in the lobby if you need us."

*~ Willow nodded and lay back down, hugging the pillow tighter when the door closed and left her in the darkness. She closed her eyes and tried to make her mind a blank, but she kept seeing assorted memories of her dead husband.

*~ Opening her eyes, she rolled onto her back and stared at the white ceiling. Her hand settled on her barely swelled belly. "You'll never really know how much of a great man your father was," she whispered to the growing twins. "But you'll never doubt that he loved you."
 

Part 4

*~ The next morning came after a long and agonizing night.  Willow waited as long as she could before she finally took her shower, dressed and went back downstairs. It was hard to force herself to move, but she knew that she had to keep going or she might sink into something she couldn't get out of. For the sake of the unborn twins, she needed to keep going.

*~ The downstairs lobby was dimly lit with random lamps and lit candles against the heavy curtains covering the tinted windows. The others had all
decided that they didn't want to see the outside at all. In the soft light, the group huddled together looked like Hell.

*~ Cordelia was the first one to notice her, and she immediately hugged the pale redhead. "Did you get any sleep?"

*~ "No," Willow said dryly. "I kept seeing him... Remembering him."

*~ "It'll get easier, Will," Gunn told her, stepping up to hug her after Cordelia moved away. "Speaking from experience here. It won't go away completely, but it gets easier."

*~ "I hope so," Willow whispered, closing her eyes briefly before letting him go. "Now we have to make arrangements. Did Kate say anything about when they'll release..." her voice faltered for a second and she cleared her throat and continued, "... his body?"

*~ "Tomorrow," Angel said, moving to lean against the front counter. "I went in to identify him right after sundown. I wanted to at least spare you that."

*~ "Thank you," Willow sat down on one of the couches and crossed her legs underneath her. "I really don't think I could have done that."

*~ "And I called the gang in Sunnydale," Cordelia added, "They want us to call with the day and time for the funeral so they can be here."

*~ Willow nodded and rubbed her eyes tiredly. Her headache was getting worse. She'd stayed in touch with everyone in Sunnydale after she left, but most of that contact was just help with occasional research and demons needing vanquishing. "Has my mom or dad called?"

*~ Cordelia shook her head, "I called them too and left a voice mail, but I don't know if they got it or not."

*~ Willow shrugged, "They're busy. They'll call when they call." Her tone wasn't bitter, just accepting. She'd accepted her role in her parents' life a long time ago. She was a trophy, admired when convenient and put away when not.

*~ The lobby fell into silence as the others moved to find places to sit. Cordy placed herself beside the pregnant redhead, holding her icy hand gently in silent support. After a few minutes, Gunn cleared his throat; "We need to get something for breakfast here. What'll it be? I'll call it in."

*~ "I don't know," Willow answered softly, "I'm not very hungry." In fact, the very thought of food made her stomach turn.

*~ "You need to eat," Cordelia said, her own mother-instincts kicking in, "Something healthy."

*~ "I can run to the market and get orange juice and those sweet Danishes," Gunn suggested and Cordelia made a disgusted noise. "What?"

*~ "That's not very healthy," the brunette stated haughtily. "How about..." She stopped when Willow suddenly lurched to her feet and dashed to the restroom just to the side of the lobby. As the door slammed behind her, the others winced at the sound of her retching.

*~ "I'll go in with her," Cordelia said and followed. She stood outside the bathroom stall with a cold, wet hand towel and waited.

*~ Willow came back out a minute later, wiping at her mouth and watering eyes with the back of her hand. "Goddess... I thought I was done with this. The doctor said that I was one of the lucky few that got buy with only a few weeks of it."

*~ "It's the stress, hon," Cordelia handed her the hand towel and reached for the mouthwash they'd kept there since Willow had first had the morning sickness.

*~ "I know," the redhead smiled weakly, then her face crumpled as another thought hit her. "Lamaze class. Wh-who's going to go with me?"

*~ "I will," Cordelia said decisively, soothing her friend's hair back, tucking it behind her ear. "I want to find out what it's all about. When I finally find Mr. Right, I plan to have a few kids."

*~ Willow grabbed Cordelia's hand and squeezed tightly, "When you find him, Cordy, don't ever let him go," she told the brunette painfully, her eyes
clouding with tears, "Hold onto him so tight you both can't breathe. Live... live every day like it... like it's your last."

*~ "Oh, Willow," Cordelia started to cry as she crushed the smaller woman into a hug. "I'm so sorry... so, so sorry..."

*~ "No, don't apologize!" Willow pulled away and gripped Cordy's shoulders gently. "We're all hurting here, Cordy, so don't apologize. None of us need apologies. All we need is just to be there for each other."

*~ "I think that's the only way we're going to get through this," Cordelia whispered. "It hurts so bad, Will. It really does."

*~ "Goddess knows, I know what you're talking about," Willow grimaced, the tears never stopping in their flow. "We have to be strong..."

*~ "I know," Cordelia whispered and held onto her friend for dear life.
 

Part 5

*~ Funerals were the hardest part of losing a loved one. Planning it wasn't the really bad part. It was attending the damn things that really hurt the most.

*~ If people thought that holding a graveside service after dark was strange, it didn't bother Willow, Angel, Cordelia, Gunn, and Kate. It didn't even bother the others who had come in from Sunnydale for the event. Spike was even there, standing a little off to the side, uncomfortable.

*~ "He was my husband," Willow spoke to the gathered group quietly, her hands clasped so tightly around the single white rose she held in front of her that her knuckles were white. "He was my best friend. We've been through so many things in our lives... I never thought he'd leave me so soon." She had to pause to get control over her soaring emotions, but then cleared her throat and continued.

*~ "All of us have held different opinions of him over the years. When I was younger, I never would have dreamed that we would fall in love and get married. I never, ever thought I would love him this much. When I learned four days ago that he'd died so that someone else could live, I nearly died myself. I wanted to, in that instant. It just hurt too bad..."

*~ She looked around at the weeping faces of her friends- her family. They were more her family than her own parents, who still hadn't returned Cordelia's call. She tried to swallow the lump in her throat as it threatened to break free as a scream. She wanted to scream and cry and beat something up. But she just calmly started talking again, her voice even quieter.

*~ "I've known since I was fourteen that the chances of me living to be old were very, very low. Wes had been prepared for that well before he'd ever came to Sunnydale," she smiled weakly over at Giles, "In his line of work, it's just about a guarantee that he wouldn't last much longer than a few years after coming into the position."

*~ Her voice thickened and was painful to hear, "We'd somehow forgotten what it was like to expect death in the two years we were married. Maybe it was the PTB's way of reminding me that nothing, especially happiness, can last forever. But I loved him so much... I still love him. And I will continue to love him up to the day *I* die. I can't help but think that will keep him alive in some way. We *will* remember. And we *will* survive. And my children *will* know their father as a great man who, even to the death, thought of others before himself."

*~ The quiet descended over the cemetery as the fragile redhead's voice faded into silence. She reached over and placed the rose on the top of the dark rosewood coffin. She couldn't stop the tears as she slowly leaned down and kissed the cold wood. She started to shake and her knees would have buckled if Cordelia and Angel hadn't stepped forward to each take an arm in support.

*~ She refused to leave when Buffy suggested it, forcing herself to watch as the undertaker and his assistants lowered the coffin into the ground the old-fashioned way.

*~ Willow bit her lip as hard as she could to keep herself from rushing the men and knocking them away from her husband, only letting up when she tasted her own blood. Then it was over, and she was being led back to Angel's car.
 

Part 6

*~ They were at Clarita's, sitting at their usual table in the back. He was dressed in black jeans and her favorite blue shirt that made his eyes a darker shade of brown. She was dressed in the black skirt and blouse she'd worn to his funeral, her red hair uncovered and falling unbound around her shoulders.

*~ "Did you like the ceremony?" she asked him softly, saying the first thing that came to mind.

*~ He nodded and took her hand, the flesh warm and comforting the way it had been in life. "I'm sorry you had to go through that, Willow. I'm sorry about a lot of things."

*~ Willow shrugged, looking down at their joined hands. She relished the feel of him, knowing that it would be gone the second she woke up. "So am I. I wish..." she shook her head, "I wish you were still here. I can't be sorry for the time we had, though. The only regret I have is that I let you go that morning. If I would have just..."

*~ "No," he told her gently, lifting her chin with one finger so that she would look at him. "I would have died anyway, love. You can put it off for maybe a day or so, but you can't escape it. It was my time, Will."

*~ Her lower lip trembled, "But it hurts so bad not having you here with me..."

*~ "Oh, honey," he sighed, his own eyes tearing as he pulled her out of her seat and into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her as close as possible. She buried her face in his neck and sobbed. "It'll get better, it will. And I'm not completely gone. You've got Angel, Cordelia, and Gunn. And you have the babies. Once they're born, they'll keep you plenty busy. Believe me, their little darlings, but they're mischievous little brats all the same."

*~ She pulled away to look at him, her eyes wide, "You've already met them?"

*~ He nodded, smiling softly, "Of course I have. They can't wait to meet you. They're so beautiful, love. So very beautiful."

*~ "Will- Will you tell them... tell them that they're the reasons I'm still strong," she said, choking back a sob as she dimly felt the tug of wakefulness. "Wes, I don't want to wake up."

*~ "You have to, love," he told her and kissed her gently. She clung to him, even as she felt him fade. The music was the last to go, the beautiful sounds of Mariah Carey and Boys 11 Men's "One Sweet Day" following her back into her own empty bed. She curled up on her side and cried.

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