Meaning of Life
Author: Karie
Distribution: if you already have my stuff, go ahead. If not, ask and you can have it.
Summary: songfic: Willow's hurt and angry... one in a two part series.
Pairing: W/Aus/S
Rating: Hard R for language and some violence
Disclaimer: the characters and the song don't belong to me. The song "Meaning of Life" belongs to Disturbed; I left out a lot of the song and twisted
the lyrics around a bit to suit the story... I couldn't find another song that really fit this part, so I hope it doesn't sound too stupid... *grin*
Feedback: PLEASE!!!! The more people respond to my fics, the more I'll send out!!!!
Author's notes: this is kinda an AU... Angel never regained his soul- this takes place when the girls are in college and Willow was with Tara... Angelus and Spike get along, and he (Angelus) is more sane.
 
 

*~*~*~
I wanna get psycho
Run you little bitch
*~*~*~

*~ She looks so pathetic, lying there, her tears flowing down her pale skin and mingling with the drying blood. I used to love her, you know. I loved
her much more than I've ever loved another being. But she betrayed me. The bitch betrayed me and left me alone and powerless.

*~*~*~
I want your power glowing,
Juicy flowing, red hot, meaning of life
It's not enough to have a little taste
I want the whole damn thing now
Can you dig it?
*~*~*~

*~ Well, I have a new love now. I smirk down at the bitch, letting my eyes bleed away to that of my demon, not letting go of the human mask just yet. I'm still a newborn, created two days ago, and yet I already have the control of a master. My sire made sure of it. As did my little sister. Dru really isn't as mad as I'd always thought. We have an understanding, she and I.

*~ I have to laugh at that thought. I have an *understanding* with them all now. They understand me, and I understand them. I understand what makes them tick. I understand why I'd always, in the darkest reaches of my soul, wanted to be like them. I wanted the power. I wanted the... love... they showed for each other. I wanted the freedom to do what I wanted and to who, and not suffer any of the consequences.

*~ "You thought you could just take my power and leave," I growl, broken out of my thoughts by the sudden whimper of my former lover. I crawl up over her bloody and beaten body so that I'm lying on top of her, my face just over hers. "You were wrong."

*~*~*~
Need to get psycho
Wanna hear you say it
Say, you want it, need it
Don't wanna wait until we finish the show
*~*~*~

*~ "You thought you were so *wonderful*, so fucking *sly*," I giggle, shaking my head, "How does it feel to be powerless?"

*~ She doesn't answer me; her eyes squeezed shut tightly, as if by closing her eyes it wouldn't be real. "Answer me, whore," I snarl, grabbing her chin in a bruising grip.

*~ "I'm sorry," she cries, big alligator tears of pain. I laugh again and kiss her bloodied lips almost gently.

*~ "I'll bet you are," I snicker softly. "Yeah, you're sorry now."

*~*~*~
I can feel the blood, flowing through my veins
Spilling on my soul
And now the hunger's getting bigger
Come a little closer now
Pretentious whore and pull my trigger
Free the violence that is building in me
*~*~*~

*~ It's time to end it. I look over my shoulder at my family, my amber eyes finding my sire's. "Daddy, can I have her now?"

*~ He smiles at me, nodding once, approvingly. My heart soaring, I turn around to my old lover and kiss her lips again, almost gently. Angelus is my life, my love, my sire. All that I am is because of him. All I strive to be and do is to please him.  Not out of obligation. No, my own demon would never allow that. Out of love and loyalty.

*~ Love and loyalty. Never traits I'd thought would belong to a demon. But I can't deny that's what I feel whenever I'm around him, and the others. I have found so much more by trying to kill myself than I ever have trying to stay alive.

*~*~*~
Need to get psycho
Wanna hear you scream
*~*~*~

*~ "Say goodnight, bitch," I snarl against her lips before sinking my fangs in her neck as painfully as possible. She whimpers and arches at the pain, but all I'm feeling is hunger and hate. It's over too quickly and I'm standing up and looking down at her in disgust.

*~ "Well, that was too easy," I say, disappointed. "Not even a challenge."

*~ "Well, little tree," Dru giggles, rocking back and forth on her heels. "She was rather... *weak*..."

*~ Yeah, I have to agree with that. After Dru did the spell to take her power *and* mine and give them back to me, little Tara wasn't so strong.

*~ My sire's arms wrap around my waist and he pulls me tight against him. I laugh at the evidence of his... approval. "How 'bout we go after some *real* sport?"

*~ "The slayer," I answer gleefully, clapping my hands. "I've been itching to get back at that bitch. And the rest."

*~ "Why don't we start low and make our way up?" Spike suggests, his blue eyes shining as he looks at me. I'd never really thought much about Spike before I'd been turned. Other than 'vampire, stay away.' Now... Now he intrigues me. And quite frankly, seeing the look in his eyes that mirrors my sire's, I want them both to fuck me silly.

*~ "Good plan," Angelus purrs against my neck. "We'll start with the cheerleader and then the dolt."

*~ "Then the funny man in gray," Dru adds, clapping her hands in joy. "And his pretty little gypsy."

*~ "The slayer won't know what hit her until all her little friends are gone," I grin, arching my ass into my sire's erection. "But first I have something else that needs... taken care of..."

*~*~*~
I say now end of the ride, murder suicide
Is how I've been feelin' that I can't ignore
And the need to get psycho
Is not a question to me
*~*~*~

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