Rating: NC-17 overall (some entries as mild as a G)
Disclaimer: While I have taken the liberty of adding a few characters of my own creation, all of the original BtVS characters and their world belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and The WB. All are used without permission (I'll return them all unharmed) and no copyright infringement is intended (like most who post, I'm broke, so please don't sue).
Summary: It's the year 2047 and Aishling Rosenberg has recently discovered that her grandmother left behind a vast collection of letters, stories, research notes, etc.
Distribution: You want it, it's yours, just let me know where it's going to be living.
Feedback: Beggars can't be choosey, and I'm begging, so. . .
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Entry No. 8
January 23rd, 2001
My Sweet Willow,
So, you think that I am once again responsible for your world being set awry? Well, if it gives you some comfort to place the blame elsewhere, than please, be my guest. I am, as always, more than willing to shoulder the burden of guilt. You know what a glutton for punishment I truly am. Hurt me, please.
I’m fawning for you now. Close your eyes and you’ll see that look on my face, the one that you say always makes you “cave”. I am teasing you. You know that don’t you? After all, I believe that I am, for once, the person least responsible for our current state of affairs.
If you wish to blame someone for the changes in your life, you should start with that ancient witch you’re related to! But that wouldn’t be right. Aoífe in a victim of fate, just like you and I. In many ways, I fear that her destiny is even more onerous than either of ours.
Every day I learn something new about this woman I love, wondrous things, hurtful things. I’m scared, Willow, more frightened than I’ve ever been. How long has this woman been a part of my life, lurking in the background, effecting changes without my knowledge? What would my life have been like if she hadn’t been a part of it? And what changes await me, now that I am with her? Way too many “what ifs” here.
Yet, in spite of my fear, I find that I am powerless to do anything that would separate us. I need to have her in my life. I can not, will not, ever let her go. I’ve had to do that once in my life already, let go of the woman I love. I still feel the pain of missing Buffy, every day. There is a part of me that only she completes, and when we’ve been apart for too long, it aches for her. Aoífe knows this, she accepts the fact that Buffy will always be a part of my life. She seems to welcome it, in fact, and has never made any attempts to replace Buffy, or to fill her shoes, so to speak. In fact, Aoífe tells me that is only right to love Buffy as I do and that there is no shame in loving more than one woman. Which is of the good, for I love you, too. How very blessed I am to have all of these wonderful women in my life. Each so different, each of you so very special to me!
Here’s a wee bit o’lore for ye. Do you know whence her name is derived?
Aoífe (EE-fe) (f.): from Old Irish, Aífe, meaning "beautiful, radiant". In a tale of the apprenticeship of the Ulster hero CúChulainn, Aífe was the fiercest woman warrior in the world. After she was defeated by the hero she bore him his only son, Connla.
It’s a beautiful name, don’t you think? It fits her. Though I don’t see the tale being retold in modern day, at least not by us. I am no hero, it is she who, more often than not, defeats me, and vampires can not have children. Well, at least not in the human way. After all, you know too well that we can reproduce, so to speak. You’ve had the displeasure of meeting Druscilla, and she is my childe, as were numerous minions you encountered in Sunnydale after I was reverted to my true form.
Enough with the rambling, already. You may very well come to regret ever h aving asked me to open up to you, little one. I know that it took me a few days to get comfortable with the idea of sharing with you some of my thoughts, my feelings, especially where Aoífe is concerned. Our relationship is so new, I really haven’t had time to analyze it. But then I realized, that’s not what you’re looking for. You just want me tell you what I remember, not to explain any of it or to break it down. I was trying to make too much out of your request, to make it more difficult than it needed to be. I have kept journals for years, centuries in fact. I have hundreds of them hidden away. But when I express myself in them, it’s usually very fragmented. Partial thoughts, excerpts from conversations, poems, sketches. . . simply little bits and pieces meant to jog my own memory, not to provide any possible future reader with a story of my life, such as it has been.
Actually, I might never have started on this if it hadn’t been for two strong willed and fiery red-heads! First you refused to take my call two nights ago. You knew I was going to try and wheedle my way of this, didn’t you? I had manufactured a perfectly good, if somewhat lame, excuse for not being able to do this. Guess I’ll have to save it for another occasion. Then Aoífe started withholding personal favors. That in itself would have been be enough, but she made it a point to tease me, mercilessly, every chance she got. What can I say? Our relationship is new, I lust after her from dusk ‘til dawn. Even in my dreams, I take her. Okay, I’m pussy whipped. Are you happy now?
Good luck. You’ll need it!
I am forever yours, In Friendship and Love.
Angelus
End
Entry Eight