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I'm trying hard to be relaxed as we walk the streets
of Sunnydale. I know that he'll be able to hear my fear and anticipation
through my heartbeat, but that knowledge only seems to make my heart thump
louder and faster. I'm hoping that he'll think the fear is a result
of walking the streets of Sunnydale at night. I'm not afraid of him,
but I'm terrified of rejection, and the feel of his arm on mine has left
me with hope flowering in my heart, and I can't stifle it, no matter how
I try. I notice that Angel has stopped, and when I actually take
in my surroundings, I realise we're at the mansion. My brain stops
functioning for a moment, and a little voice is screaming at me to cross
the threshold, not only of the mansion, but of something infinitely more
terrifying.
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I'm beginning to wonder if this was such a good idea.
I was so anxious to tell her how I felt, but now the rational part of my
brain is attempting to convince the rest of me that that would be an even
worse idea than taking a walk in the sunlight. I'm dimly aware of
the beating of Willow's heart, and I wonder what makes it quicken - fear
of me, or fear of what we could possibly be doing. As we approach
the mansion, I come to a stop and offer her a small smile as I see her
attempt to ground herself in reality. I'm hoping she'll come in,
but I don't want to force the issue.
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That's it. If I don't walk into the mansion
right now, I know that this voice isn't going to stop, and I really want
to preserve my sanity. Deep breath, you can do it. You've been
here before. Angel unlocks the door and looks at me expectantly.
I gather myself together and walk in. I see the ghost of a smile
light up Angel's features, and I realise that I've made the right decision.
We stand there awkwardly just inside the front door, but the silence doesn't
seem so silent anymore. We're just looking into each other's eyes,
and I feel like he can see everything that I am. It's a nice feeling.
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As I unlock the door, I wonder if she's going to
run. Take one look at the situation she's in, and head for the hills.
That would probably be the sensible thing, and Willow is nothing if not
sensible. I look at her, wondering what she's going to do, and to
my surprise, and indeed delight, she comes inside. I smile at her,
and we just stand behind the door, both of us wondering what to do next.
I look into her eyes and I think I can see past her defences, see what
she really feels. I hope I'm reading her right. Buffy
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I've been watching them since they left the library.
I didn't really lie to Giles. I am patrolling. It's just that
my patrol is taking the same direction as them. They're walking slowly,
and I thought I might catch up with them, but they seem to be in a world
of their own. I don't like that. Why is she going in with him?
She was meant to make sure he got home alright, not play nursemaid.
She's just worried. That's Willow. This doesn't mean anything.
I'll just wait here. I can follow Willow when she goes home - someone
should make sure she's okay. That's what I'll do.