Author's notes: Notice any mistakes? That's because I DESPERTLY need a beta. I need someone to correct my grammar and keep me on task when I get lazy. This person would have to have IM and I would prefer someone who lives who goes by eastern standard time so we could coordinate times to talk. Also someone will to help my with my non-BtVS fics would be good to.
Summary: Things of Angelus point of view. Also Spike and Dru have not hit town yet.
Feedback: Please email Kermet19438@yahoo.com, and feed the monster- beast that is my ego!
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~Prologue - Part 1~
Everyone knows the story, it comes in different versions but the basics are about the same. I Angelus vicious killer of the night, Scourge of Europe am enthralled with the innocent Willow, my desire for her turns into obsession and I then proceed to kidnap and turn her into my prisoner, I then follow by seducing/forcing/tricking her into becoming my mate. Things seem to be going my way until Buffy and Co, bust in and free her(in some versions she is able to free herself with the help of my childer) And then some how some way I get a soul again and I am forced to the farthest nether regions of the empty shell that is called Angel.
That's the story, everyone knows it, and everyone believes it. It's what everyone *wants * to believe. No one can possibly fathom that dear, sweet, virginal Willow would ever allow herself to be involved the with big evil vampire. That it was she who was the one who desired me. There are a lot of things you don't know about Willow, for instance did you know that she was practicing magic since that age of twelve? Or that she's killed demons and warlocks alike long before the slayer got to town.
Don't look so shocked. I can see you shaking your head thinking I'm a liar and your right. But in this instant I'm telling you the truth. Sunnydale has many secrets and the most dangerous of all is a red-headed girl named Willow. The Willow you know is a character, a carefully constructed character made to fool both humans and demons. Why would she do this? Well it's simple really, to rule the Hellmouth. That's the real story it's not about me (as much as I would like to think so) and my obsessions. It's about Willow and her passion for power. It was she who unleashed me and she who banished me. And today I'm going to tell you how
Before I begin you must understand that while soul boy is in control of this body I am simply an observer, I can see and hear everything he does at times I can even communicate with him. He feels me as I do him; it is I who knows his inner thoughts and feelings. I'm not afraid of looking into the soul and see the darkest desires. This is what led to Angel's downfall you see. Wait, I'm skipping ahead let my start from where it all began.
Let us go back seven years ago, back to Sunneydale High where life was easy you could tell who your friends and enemies were. At least thought he Angel did. At this point Angel never noticed Willow beyond Buffy. It was the slayer who was the all- important one, it was her strength that would protect this town and it was her love that could redeem him and somehow banish me. Willow was just a nice girl who was part of team Buffy. That's exactly what she wanted you to think. I told you before that the Willow you know is just a character everything she said and did is plotted in advance . The downcast looks, the meek voice was a practiced so that she would never be noticed , never be suspected. Those awful clothes that she was mocked for were just costumes so no one would ever think of here when tragedy would strike. She's a genius.
Of course I wouldn't discover this until the night Angel went patrolling with Buffy. After the Master died the vampire population was becoming more trouble some. Any fledging who had dreams of becoming the new Master needed a little gang of their own. In order to do that they had to turn humans by the dozens. So Angel and Buffy kill off a round of vampires by the graveyard. They celebrate by having a make out session by the coliseum and just as Buffy reaches for Angel's belt buckle, he stops them and goes into another little speech about how he * really * wants to be with her but because of me they can't go any further. I'm not going to bore you with the details of her reaction but needless to say she goes home very disappointed.
Angel considers going after her but decides instead to patrol the town one last time, it's only one hour till dawn. This right here is the decision that changes the fates of both of us. You see it's only one hour till dawn and both Buffy and Angel rarely patrol this late. Willow knew this, she counts on our predictability. So you would imagine Angel's surprise to see her the graveyard, he is even more surprised to see what she's wearing. A short little black skirt that was simply made to make men stare . Her emerald shirt was so tight Soul-boy could easily tell that it she wore no bra. But it's more that her clothes, it's the way she walks , the confident stride of those legs he's just noticing and the proud uplift shoulders that is helping to display those wonderful breasts of hers. I believe at this point Angel's jaw actually drops.
Willow now seems to know exactly where she is going, Angel follow her unsure if he should make his presence known. He is confused and frankly so am I, by this never before seen Willow. She stops but the same coliseum Angel and Buffy were not even a half hour ago.
"You're late" the voice comes from the left and out appears a vampire in human form. He's tall, blonde and looks like one of those boys who spent all of his free time surfing.
"I'm worth it" Willow says confidently. At this point Angel is ready to jump into action and "save" Willow but something stops him. That's something is me. I'm incredibly fascinated now and besides Willow doesn't seem to be in any danger.
"Is the slayer here?" the vampire is now closing in on her. "What if she is was? Would you fight her for me?" Willow backs up against the wall but doesn't sound the least bit afraid.
"Would you like that?" Willow doesn't answer the question but grabs his shirt collar and pulls him into a kiss. Angel and I can see their tongues moving between their mouth, tasting each other. The vampire slowly makes his way down her jaw line and towards her throat. Willow rewards him with a moan as his hands go underneath her shirt to cup her breasts. At this point I'm aroused and Soul-boy would rather die than admit it, but he is too. Willow's skin is illuminated by the moon light, seeing her pressed against the wall only makes me want to tear off the arms of that vampire and switch places with him. Both of them are enjoying themselves very much as Willow lifts up her skirt and ..
Why am I telling you this, you ask? Well there are three reasons. One is to set the record straight even demons have some semblance of honor credit must be given to where it is due. The second I'm so fucking bored, I haven't killed, tortured or even talked to anyone in so long. I must admit I down right shocked to see you of all people, never thought you had the guts to find me. The third and most important reason is the favor I'm going to ask of you once I'm done telling you everything. What? You didn't think this most valuable piece of information would be freely did you? There is a price. Knowledge is power my friend and believe me I can give you the mother load. Now the question is are you willing to pay?
~Part: 2~
Well I hate to disappoint you, but nothing much happened after that. Right before things are getting good, that short little skirt of hers is barely covering those little, white panties, she stops and pulls her head back and smiles.
"Did you bring it?" she asks.
"Of course." From his pocket, the vamp takes out some kind of amulet. It's gold, the size of a silver dollar. In the center, there is a ruby surrounded by markings of some kind. Reaching out for it, Willow kisses him with enough force to bruise those undead lips, and out of nowhere a stake come out and she dusts the poor bastard. Wiping off the residue from her outfit, she looks again at her amulet and begins to walk home, almost skipping.
I really don't need to tell you that Angel is amazed now. He doubts what he sees; he tells himself that it is an illusion or some shape shifter that took the form of Willow. It's anything, but it is not Willow Rosenberg. What's even more shocking is that for the first time he is aroused by Willow. He tries to blame it on me, and my demonic passions. I will admit that I, too, found Willow attractive, but it would be later that she would turn into my obsession. It was Angel who couldn't stop thinking about her, all through the night and into the day and then into the night again where he would visit the Scooby gang for their weekly meeting.
There was Willow again. In her regular outfit of overall and baggy sweater in a color I believe they call periwinkle.
"Hi, Angel. Would you like a donut?" Her voice is as sweet as can be. Not like her voice last night.
"Um, sure." Angel dumbly takes a powder-covered donut, the kind with the red jelly filling. The meeting begins, but Angel doesn't pay attention. He's looking at Willow. The more he sees her nibbling on food and taking notes, the more he can convince himself that last night didn't happen. His mind keeps flashing back to last night, seeing her in that short skirt, against that wall, ready for * anything *. The more he looks at her now, the more impossible it seems that it was the same Willow. There's no reason to think about it anymore. As you can figure out by now, Soul boy is the King of Denial here; one of the qualities that will bring him to an end, but we'll get to that soon enough.
"Angel what do you think?" Giles interrupts his thoughts.
"I'm sorry what was the question?" Angel asks.
"I was asking what do you think we should do about the Eeraok demons. They are extremely powerful and their mating season is coming soon, on which time they will gather here by the hundreds," Giles explained.
"I don't understand. If they want sex, who are we to stop them?" Xander, as always, is in favor of anything sexual.
"Because, in order to mate, a male must show his prowess to the female by killing something, preferably human," Giles countered.
"What else do we know about these demons?" Angel questioned.
"According to legend. These demons were actually made by a powerful wizard Laxar. After he died there was no one to control the demons, and so they scattered across the earth, only to re-group every twenty-five years to their birth place to mate. The Hellmouth," Giles finished. He had obviously explained this before, in the last meeting. Of course, no one paid attention except Willow.
"How did this Laxar guy control them?" Cordelia wondered while inspecting her perfect nails.
"Through an amulet. When Laxar died his followers fought over it and then it became lost. Here, I think I have a picture of what it was supposed to look like." Giles picked up and book and showed everyone a page where there was a sketch of an amulet. An amulet that looked just liked the one Willow killed for last night.
"Can't we just find the amulet?" Buffy questioned while snaking her arm through Angel's.
"It would take too much time. Besides, for all we know, it's been destroyed." Giles is talking, but Angel is looking at Willow. She doesn't even blink, but simply nods and takes more notes.
"Look, we're not being productive and we have a few weeks. Why don't we take a break at the Bronze and regroup tomorrow?" Xander suggests and everyone agrees.
"You guys go ahead. I need to do some research," Willow announces, and nobody even takes a second glance. It's then that Angel notices how much Willow stays behind, how much she's a part of the Scooby gang, but not really in it.
"Aren't you coming?" Buffy gently tugs his arm.
"You go ahead. I'll catch up." Angel detaches Buffy's hand from his arm. She offers to wait for him, but he insists that she go with the others. Giles is in his office and Willow is between bookcases. As he walks up behind Willow, he's not sure what he's going to say to her, so he just starts with, "Willow"
Startled, she drops the book she's been looking at. "Oh, I thought you left with the others." Willow bends down quickly to pick up the book.
"Um, well, I thought I could help you. I mean it's not fair you do all the research and we all go out," Angel says. He's dancing around the real issue, but at the time he realizes what he is saying is true. Buffy has the strength, but mentally no one works as much as Willow does. She stays later to locate a demon's weakness, researches harder to find a translation to some obscure language that died a thousand years ago, works harder to find that spell that will defeat the unholy evil of the week. Willow is truly dedicated.
"Willow, it takes a lot of passion to be as committed as you are. You are going to be a great witch some day," Angel compliments. Soul boy doesn't even know the half of it.
"Oh, thanks. I wish the others thought so too." Willow blushes. For a while, there is a long silence between them, and Angel, finally gets the balls to ask (with a little help from me I might add), "What were you doing last night with that vampire?" His voice comes out harsher than he wants.
"You saw me?" Willow pales.
"Listen, I know about the amulet. If you're in some kind of trouble, you can tell me," Angel offers. Willow closes her eyes and begins to explain.well, babble really.
"No it's not that. Oh Goddess I can't believe you saw me like that. I hate those slutty clothes. There usually the kind Cordelia and Buffy wear. I didn't mean that Cordelia and Buffy are sluts. They look good in those, classy even. It's just that someone like me just wasn't meant to wear those types of clothes and." She would trail on, but Angel stops her.
"Willow, just tell me what you were doing there," Angel says. He feels guilty that he's making her nervous.
"The vampire you saw last night. His name was Jeremy. He wanted to be the next Master. His gang is actually the largest in town. They spend the day in an underground tunnel. I had been doing research on the Amulet of Laxar when I had suspicions that the amulet would be there. So I did something stupid. I went down and asked him to get it for me."
"You're right, that was stupid! Willow, he could have killed you, or worse." Angel has to remember not to yell, because Giles isn't too far, but there is still anger in his voice and it makes Willow shrink away.
"I know, I know. But it worked out. I told him that with a spell I could make him invincible to sunlight. All he had to do in return was turn me and have me be his second in command," Willow states.
"What was keeping him from turning you then?" Angel isn't asking the question he really wants to know. Did she have sex with a vampire? Or the question I wanted to know. Did she like it?
"I told him that it needed to be preformed by a human witch. Angel, I know it was stupid. But was what I did really that bad? I mean, you won't tell anyone, will you?" Willow's eyes become wide, almost brimming with tears.
"It wasn't bad, but it was insane. Why didn't you tell anyone yet?"
"I still have to confirm that it is the Amulet of Laxar. That will take some spell and you know how Giles feels about me using spells. I realized I messed up a couple times, but now he doesn't trust me. I really want to prove myself. You know what I'm talking about, right? To have people doubt you even when your intentions are good?" Willow asks. Angel is reminded of the suspicious looks of Xander and Giles, or of the countless others who see him only as a demon. The hurt it would put on his soul, especially seeing it in Buffy when she didn't think he was looking.
"So you won't tell anyone right?" Willow prods again. She has him and she knows it. Willow knows exactly how to get to him. All Angel needs now is a couple of strings, and he would be a living (or unloving, shall I say) puppet.
"Of course not, but be careful. We only have a few weeks," Angel agrees and on impulse Willow hugs him. He revels in the friendship and the surprising amount of heat her little body gives off.
"Thanks for believing in me. You don't know how much it means."
If Angel would have looks harder he would have seen it was triumph in her eyes and not relief. But he didn't. What he saw was a fellow outsider who was trying to impress her friends through some harmless spells. What could possibly go wrong?
~Part: 3~
The most strangest thing about Sunnydale isn't the vampires or the demons. It's the humans. Most of them do know that they are living on the mouth of hell itself, they notice the disappearances, attacks, murders and other wise horrifying occurrences, but do they pack their bags and run? Of course not. Denial, it's more powerful than any spell. It cushions their belief that Sunnydale is just like any other town. The happy citizens will gladly ignore evidence to the contrary no matter how compelling and violent. This is a trait Angel seems to have obtained from the humans, for you see, if denial was a shield then Angel would have the full body armor.
To illustrate my point, I take you to an instance where Angel and Buffy have yet another argument. This time it is about prom. At this point, I use every ounce of strength I have to make it clearly known that I do not want to go to some high school gym, filled with half drunken adolescents and their youth deprived chaperons, while Buffy talks nonstop about her dress and her poorly disguised hopes of beating Cordelia for prom queen. I can almost feel Angel agreeing with me when Buffy breaks in.
"We've never had a real date, and I want everyone to know we're together," Buffy pouts. Angel looks at her and can't help but to give in; she's worked so hard at protecting the town, she deserves a little break.
"Alright, I'll go with you," Angel says.
"Really? Oh Angel I'm so happy. I already have the perfect dress." Hearing Buffy already spouting praises at whatever slut-inspired gown she's acquired already sends me into a rage, but always clear headed, I remind Angel of the ever growing vamp population and new demon problem.
"Afterwards, we have to patrol the town, so we should leave a little early so that you can change," Angel suggests, trying to calm me down.
"But we all rented a beach house for the night. It's so romantic. It will be the best part of the night," Buffy tries to cajole. If prom isn't bad enough, then spending the night with the slayer is torture beyond words. I redouble my efforts against Angel. I have discovered that if I am persistent enough, I can have a certain amount of influence on him. I was hoping that this would be one of those times.
"I know prom is important, but so is the town," Angel says slowly. Buffy doesn't notice that he's clenching his fists between fighting me and trying to please Buffy; his patience is wearing thin.
"All I want is one night to be normal," Buffy complains. Any other time, Angel would be ready to give her sympathy and understanding. Tonight however, she is not so lucky.
"You're not normal; you're the damn slayer, so start acting like it," he snaps. Buffy dearest is surprised and snaps back.
"Of course I'm not normal. How else would I be dating you?" Buffy's words do their job and hurt him, and Angel opens his mouth to apologize, but she turns stiffly and bravely raises her head.
"I have to go. Giles wants to see me before I go home. Bye." She walks away, clearly wanting to be followed, but At this point I'm vehement against Angel's wish to trail after he like a dog. This time I win, and Angel turns into the other direction. He does feel like he has to do something or at least talk to someone. But who? Willow instantly comes to mind. There's really no one else. Soul boy is about as lucky in the friend department as he is in love.
And it's no wonder, it doesn't even occur to him to call Willow. Maybe if he did, he would have known she was just coming out of the shower. Her balcony windows are only covered by sheer white curtains that allow Angel to see everything. Of course, he knows he should go away and come back later, but he stays there, sort of frozen, and of course I have no objection to what's being seen.
Willow is wearing one of those blue terry cloth robes when she comes out of the bathroom; her hair is longer when it's wet. She hums a little tune and begins to combs thought her hair. This sight is rather innocent, but it promises to get better, and I'm not disappointed. She moves to bed and takes a bottle of body lotion with her. Still humming her little tune, she removes her robe. Angel and I are both stunned. It is simply too perfect. I admit I am somewhat of a voyeur, and a sight like this only comes rarely.
She doesn't suspect a thing. Angel is in total awe of her body, her hair, her skin and most importantly her curves. Not just her hips and her breasts, but the curve of her shoulder to her neck, her delicate elbows, the way her pale legs round to delicate little feet. All the while she's rubbing lotion on every part of the oh-so- sensitive skin. It doesn't last long. Soon she puts on some underwear and over-sized rabbit patterned pajamas. Removing the covers of the bed, she tucks herself in with a book and starts to read.
It takes about an hour for Angel to get under control. He hates himself for staying, feeling like some kind of pervert, and he hates himself more because he enjoyed it. As always, he blames me. I will say I was encouraging him to have our way with her. It would have been so easy; her clothes were already off and Angel already had entry to her room, so permission wasn't needed. But it's Angel who wasn't strong enough to walk away. I exploit weakness. I don't create them.
Finally Soul boy comes to the decision to turn around and leave.
"Angel. What are you doing here?" Willow opens her balcony door.
"Um, Willow sorry to disturb you. How did you see me?" Angel asks trying to act normal.
"I went to get a glass of water and I saw you about to leave. How long were you out here? It's so cold." Willow ushers him in. Angel would pointed out that vampires don't feel cold, but her concern is touching.
"Not long at all. In fact, I just got here, but realized how late is was and decided to leave," Angel explains, feeling guilty.
"It's not late at all, and besides you're already here you, might as well talk about it." Willow pulls her desk chair next to her bed.
"Well, I sort of had another fight with Buffy and was wondering if I could talk to you about it. I mean, sometimes I feel like (Buffy and I have this connection and other times we don't even speak the same language, and there is my demon," Angel confesses. It is just so easy to talk to Willow.
"Oh, what about your demon?" Willow seems really interested now.
"You see, whenever I feel a strong emotion or passion, it's easier for my demon to break free," Angel says.
"But he can never have full control, right? Isn't that what the gypsy curse ensures?" Willow asks.
"You're right, but there is a way to break the curse," Angel reveals. By this time Angel should know something isn't right. Willow's eyes becomes as big as saucers and she puts her hand on Angel's and leans toward him.
"If I experience one true moment of happiness, my soul will flee my body and Angelus will have complete control," he says. Noticing her hand on his, he smiles and thinks of what a good friend she is.
"A true moment of happiness. You mean like sex?" Willow questions while slightly blushing.
"Well, yes, but with someone I love. A physical and spiritual bonding." Angel says.
"Oh I see. Wow this sure is a problem for you and Buffy. How is she taking it?" Willow wonders.
"I haven't told her about it. I know I should, but she's a teenage girl, and she expects certain things from a relationship, and if I can't give it to her, than she might.."
"Leave you," Willow finishes.
"Exactly. Willow please promise me you won't tell anyone. Xander and Giles don't trust me as it is, and if they found out there was any way my that Angelus would get in control again, they would never let me near Buffy," Angel says.
"You love her, don't you?" Willow speaks softly, as if trying to confirm rather than ask.
"Yes I do. I would do anything to protect her, even from myself," Angel declares.
"Well, don't worry, your secret is safe with me. Besides you kept mine about the amulet." Willow smiles.
"Oh, yeah, how is that going by the way?" Angel asks.
"Look, the sun is coming up, you better go now," Willow points out.
"Yeah well thanks for talking to me." To his surprise, Willow hugs him and while she's pressing her little warm body into his he tries to fight the images of a naked Willow that I flash into his head.
"Before you go, I wanted to give this to you. I went to an old book store, hoping to find a spell book and I didn't find it. I did, however, manage to get this." She holds out a small leather bound book that is simply titled "Irish Poetry of the 18th Century". Angel is touched. It isn't just getting a present. It is the fact that Willow thinks of him beyond a big bad vampire.
"Thank you," he says simply and takes the book. Willow gives him a smile and watches him leave.
I wouldn't realize it till later, but what Angel received that night wasn't a token of friendship. It was the beginning of a seduction.
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