Rating: PG
Disclaimer: All characters in this story belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Summery: The story of Willow's life.
Authors Notes: This is from Willow's POV story:
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
My name is Willow Anne Rosenberg.
The story of my life isn't really a good one. In fact it's horrible. When I look back at it I wonder how I survived all the torment, the pain and the loneliness. But now I know. I know who saved me from my shattered life and who saved me from myself. A man I will love for eternity…
Angel had been back from hell for about 2 months. The Scooby Gang had just found out and none of us was taking it well. Especially Giles. He was so distraught at the fact that Buffy had put so many lives in danger for the love of a vampire.
But I understood. I understood what both Buffy and Angel were going through. When you love someone you do the wacky. I had told Buffy that once and I knew myself how it felt to be in love with someone so much you can't do anything else but love them.
Anyway after Angel had saved my life at the mansion that night I had come to realize that he would never hurt any of us. Angelus would but not him. Then that's when everything fell apart for us all. I would visit him nearly every night just to make sure he was coping. Buffy only dropped in every so often just to make sure that everyone wouldn't get suspicious. After that Xander and Cordy started talking to me less and less. Finally I confronted my best friend since my childhood and asked him why he was ignoring me.
He said it was because I had excepted Angel back after everything that had happened. I had become close friends with him and Xander hated me for it. Of course with Cordy being his girlfriend she had followed. Then came the argument with Buffy.
I guess all the anger she had been keeping inside for so long she took out on me. In one way I could understand where she was coming from but in another I thought she was over reacting. She told me I was to blame. I shouldn't have given Angel back his soul. That way it would have been easier to kill him. At that time all she had felt was guilt about what she had done and if the person she had sent to hell had been Angelus she would of felt a sense of peace.
Still, Giles stood behind me every step of the way and I never told Angel about what the others thought. My main concern was him. He deserved to be happy and accepted and I wasn't about to turn my back on him because of my friend's opinions. He had helped me so much in the past. He had saved my life and I owed him so much.
That's how it went for about 6 months. Xander and Buffy still talked to me and so did Cordy but nothing was the same. Somewhere in all our problems Angel and Buffy had reunited.
It happened on Christmas Eve when he had decided that he didn't deserve to be here. I had gone up on the hill where had decided to wait for the sun to rise. I sat and talked to him. I explained to him that if he truly loved Buffy he shouldn't leave her alone again. And so they got back together. I still visited him but not as much. I figured they needed time alone and so I was left to picking up the pieces of my broken relationship with Oz.
The Graduation came. So many decisions were made which changed our lives forever. Oz ended our rocky relationship and Angel said a final goodbye to Buffy after explaining that he couldn't give her the things that she needed. The night we killed the Mayor we all sat together with the original members of the Scooby Gang minus Angel.
He was gone.
I never knew that that would be the last night I would see them ever again. I walked home alone that night. Buffy wanted to go home and grieve over her loss of Angel, Cordy had decided to leave Sunnydale so she went home to pack and Xander…well he was just Xander. He wanted to go out to the Bronze and celebrate his new freedom. I told him I wasn't really in the mood for Bronzing. I don't know what it was. Now that Graduation had finished I had come to realize that Angel was gone for good. It hit me like a ton of bricks and so I decided to go home and mope.
When I reached my house I noticed that the door was ajar. I crept in slowly slipping a stake out of my jacket pocket. I went straight into the living room which looked like it had when I had left. I headed for the kitchen as quietly as I could manage. That's when my world fell apart in front of my eyes. Everything had been going so wrong lately and now this. Both my parents were laid side by side each one with all their eternal organs removed. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I felt sick and quickly rushed ups tairs were I vomited for hours. That's when I had decided that was enough.
After hours of crying and vomiting I grabbed my suitcase and began to pack. I went downstairs trying to avoid the view in the kitchen and went straight to the living room. I went over to my dad's secret safe and unlocked it. I took out about $500. I knew they would never need it again and so I called the police telling them what had happened.
I don't know how I managed to stay so calm. I didn't call anyone not even Xander. I couldn't. I guess I was in shock. Not the shock that hits you and you just go mental. The shock that sinks in a little at a time. It takes a while for you to face reality.
So I had packed my bags, got my money and called the police. I took one last look at the house, my home and left for the bus station.
That was the last time I ever saw Sunnydale but it wasn't the last time my life had been destroyed… I lived alone for almost a year in a shabby apartment in LA. I knew I could get any job I wanted to with my qualifications but I spent most of my time trying to find the person/monster who had killed my parents. I had a little job at a café, which paid the rent and my food. My life consisted of work, my home and the library. I never had any hobbies our talents. I didn't have time for them. I wouldn't let my parent's murder be left unjustified. I would find whoever did it no matter how long it took me.
Then I met Julian. He was my next true love after Oz. We met in the café I was working at. I had served him and as soon as I looked at him I was blushing. He was handsome. Hell, he was gorgeous! He had dark brown hair, which looked a little like Angel's. His eyes were also a chocolatey brown, not a hazel brown. There were darker. More set. Then I remember those lips. Perfectly shaped coloured. I couldn't believe a man could look so beautiful. Even now I remember every detail about him and sometimes it scares me.
A few months later I was in the greatest relationship of my life. I still didn't give up on my parent's murder but Julian had become my main priority. He was perfect. He treat me well, he was sweet and generous. He reminded me so much of Oz just a little maturer. Yes I admit I was only 19 and he was 26. But age didn't matter; he was all I had ever wanted. 6 months later he proposed. I had doubts. I was only 19 and I had so much more to do with my life. But I knew that Julian would keep me safe and so I said yes.
We were married the next month and so we moved into a bigger apartment. It was beautiful. It had 4 bedrooms and a swimming pool. It looked like a mansion and I was soon wondering were Julian had got all the money from. But I never brought it up. I didn't see any point in it. I had married the man I loved, I had moved into a wonderful new home and now I was starting a new life for myself.
7 more months later we had planned to have a child. I couldn't believe everything was going so fast. But still I didn't argue. He was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and so we tried. 2 months later and we had not succeeded. Julian started to become moody and soon he started to drink.
He would go out to the pubs and come back in the early hours of the morning. I became a little worried but nothing serious was happening. I just figured he was out with some mates. Then one night he came home drunk. It was late so I had gone to bed. He came upstairs shouting and screaming at me that I was useless. He wanted a baby so much and I couldn't give him one.
He also told me he was sick of me researching my parent's murder. He said it was in the past and I should leave it there. I knew he was right but I just couldn't do that. I told him I was doing in the memory of my mum and dad then he crawled onto the bed and dragged me off it. That was the last thing I remembered before I was knocked unconscious.
When I awoke in the morning my husband served me breakfast and apologized for the night before. I forgave him blaming the alcohol for his actions. Little did I know that the drink wasn't to blame. A few weeks later he hit me again. It continued like that. He would come home drunk, complain about something the hit me. Sometimes he wouldn't be drunk. His mood swings were getting worse and still he had the cheek to ask if we could still try for a child.
I was to scared to do anything but agree. I went out as little as possible and I only researched my parents when Julian was out drinking. It was funny really. I had spent 3 years of my life fighting demons but I was too weak and scared to walk away from my abusive husband. It was not until my 21st birthday that I was saved… Julian had decided to take me to a nightclub for my birthday.
It had been my first, real night out in ages and I became really excited. He also brought me a pair of leather pants and a leather top. He said I could wear it to the nightclub but I told him it wasn't my kind of thing but he got angry and told me that I never appreciated anything he gave me. So after awhile I gave in and went out in my new outfit. I felt like a prostitute but my husband reassured me that I looked perfectly fine.
So there I was, sitting at the bar alone while Julian danced with other girls. The only time he noticed me was when other guys started to hit on me. Then he would just get mad and accuse me of flirting. I started to get a little bored so I decided to have a drink. When I turned around to the bar I didn't notice the man stood next to me. It was not until he asked for a drink that I recognized the voice. I denied it at first. It had been so long since I had seen him. So long since I had talked to him. I thou ght that maybe I was mistaken but when he called out my name I knew. I turned around to face the vampire I hadn't seen in 3 years, Angel.
We were both surprised to see each other. On the other hand I was more relieved to see someone I knew. In the 2 years I had been with Julian I hadn't made many friends. I was usually researching my parents, looking after my husband or waiting for him to return from his nightly drinking. So we sat there for awhile. It was a little awkward at first but then we started talking about what we had done with our lives. My life story was a little short. I left out my parent's murder and why I had left Sunnydale.
I only told him how Julian and me met and got married. I pretty much missed all the bad points of my life out. Angel was the last person I wanted to know about my husband and my parent's. I found out that he had started a business in LA with Cordelia and a guy named Doyle. He worked as a private investigator helping people out who needed saving from demons etc . An hour had passed and we were still talking.
Then Julian came up to the bar and asked who I was talking to. I introduced him and explained to him that I had known Angel from high school. I could see that he was a little angry that I was talking to a man he didn't know. In fact I didn't realize he was that angry until he grabbed me by the arm and dragged me out of the nightclub.
He just said we were leaving and so I apologized to Angel. He took me down an alley at the back of the nightclub. He threw me into the wall and started screaming at me once again.
He kept telling me that he didn't want me around other men and that if I ever talked to Angel again he would kill him. That's when I became really scared. He'd never threatened to kill before. I don't know where I found the courage to argue back. I just stood up and walked up to him.
I just said "you don't tell me who I can see, what I can do or places I can go. You don't control my life and you never will." I could see the anger in his eyes but I never saw the hand that came up to strike my face.
I landed on the ground holding my stinging face. Tears I had held in fear for so long fell down my cheeks and I sat whimpering on the floor. Then all I heard was a few punches and someone fall to the ground. I knew it wasn't me who was receiving the punches, which made a change. The last thing I remember was someone asking me if I was ok before everything went black.
I never knew why I passed out that night. I guess it was because of exhaustion and fear. I don't know but the next thing I do know I was lying in a bed with someone cooling my burning face down with ice.
I turned around to see that Angel was at my side with an icepack in his hand. I remember feeling so pleased to see him there and not Julian. But I soon got scared again when I had realized that my husband would be wondering where I was. I had tried to leave Angel's apartment but he stopped me, telling me that it was too dangerous to go back. I told I had to.
He was my husband and I belonged with him at home. He had told me I didn't deserve this kind of life, I could just walk away if I wanted to. After staying with him for a month or so I had decided to leave Julian.
It was about time that I took control of my life again and so I did. Angel had insisted that I moved in with him but I told him I needed to be on my own for awhile. I had got my own little apartment after divorcing Julian. He often tried to visit me but either I wouldn't let him in or Angel would stop him.
One night I was searching the net for information leading to my parent's murder. I had found some prophecies, which contained rituals such as removing vital organs from mortal bodies. I had checked some of them out and what I found made me collapse right then and there. It was a good job that Angel had decided to pay a visit and found me lying on the living room floor.
He had woke me up and asked what had happened. I tried to explain but before I could Julian had burst through the door. That's when the truth had been revealed…it turned out that Julian was my distraction.
My parent's were killed for a reason and he had been sent to try and prevent me from figuring out why they were murdered. He had married me just so I would take my mind off researching. That's why he always would get made if he caught me searching for information.
That's why he didn't want me talking or meeting anyone incase they gave me a lead. It all came together and my heart broke as I realized I had loved and married my hatred enemy. I had already known why my parent's were killed.
You see there is a prophecy that tells of an immortal witch who learns her heritage from her family. She will grow up with the power and magic to destroy the dark side. My parent's were the ones who were supposed to tell me of my destiny. They too were immortals and the only way to kill them is to remove every vital organ in their body. They had been killed so I wouldn't find out of my powers and kill the demons that roamed the earth.
That night I learned that I was now an immortal witch with the power to destroy all evil… Over the next year I had moved in with Angel while he helped me strengthen my powers. He showed me how to use them and how to control them. I don't know when it was that we fell in love with each other. I guess we just did.
Angel understood what I was going through and I understood what it was like to live the way he did. I could still go out in the day; I could still eat food and look in the mirror. But I would never age and I would never die. Not until I had fulfilled my purpose in my immortal life. There was still one thing that was on my mind all of time…why did Julian want a baby when all we would be doing is passing on the magic?
It plagued my mind for so long and soon Angel took me to see the Oracles to answer my question.
They had told me I could only have one child. My powers would only be passed down if both were truly in love. They had said that Julian had never truly loved me so if we had a child there would be no chance of it having my powers.
Then if I did find the one I loved I could never have another child anyway. They also told me it was time to conceive my child. That Angel and me was truly in love so the baby would inherit my magic.
Angel had tried to explain to them that he could not have one moment of happiness with the one he loves otherwise he would lose his soul. They simply replied that he could because I was immortal.
He could no longer lose his soul for as long as he lived. This is where my story ends.
I write this diary which will be my first entry telling the paths of my eternal life. As I cradle our one-month-old baby girl I look over to see my husband staring up at me with eyes filled of love and happiness.
My name is Willow Anne Rosenberg. The story of my life isn't really a good one. In fact it's horrible. When I look back at it I wonder how I survived all the torment, the pain and the loneliness. But now I know. I know who saved me from my shattered life and who saved me from myself.
A man I will love for eternity…
The End