main characters: Angel, Willow, heading towards W/A
disclaimer: I hold no legal rights to any characters or concepts from the series Buffy the Vampire Slayer
distribution: Bite Me, NHA, WLS/Will-Angel, WWW, Paula - anyone else ask. If you have permission for the earlier Guardian Angels, you may have this one.
note: Guardian Angels is set the summer after season 2, and has now gone firmly into AU territory.
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~Part: 1~
Willow woke up slowly, feeling warm and safe under the covers, even the smell was right. She was safe in her very own room, with Angel snuggled next to her. Oh, did she smell pancakes?
Hopeful, Willow slipped out of the bed, her mind already debating what clothing would be quick to put on and how dressed did she absolutely have to be. Her back twinged, the bruises still unhappy with her. They were fading, but there was still soreness near the spine. Willow wasn't certain if it was still from the book case or from that demon throwing her into the car, but she felt like it was taking forever to heal.
Glancing over, she smiled at the still-sleeping form of Angel. He looked so peaceful that she wasn't certain she should wake him up. Instead, she pulled on a pair of jeans, a sort of orangy brown color. After a bit of searching, she found a plain white shirt and pulled it on. The socks could wait, it wasn't as if they'd be needed to eat breakfast, after all.
Mostly dressed, she sat down on the edge of the bed, hairbrush in hand. "Angel? I'm going to go down for breakfast."
One eye opened, and he made a gesture, as if lifting something to his lips.
"Yes, I'm going to go eat some food. You can come down later if you'd like, just be sure to feed up here first." Willow found herself smiling at him. Her parents hadn't been thrilled to discover that she had Angel, and they were even less certain how to describe what was going on than she was. But they knew that he went with her, that he wanted her to be safe, and that he apparently had no plans to hurt her.
Willow reached out, touching a bit of his hair that was sticking up as a strange angle, and smiled. Honestly, she wasn't certain where things were going between them either. With a yawn, she stood up and started to follow the scent of pancakes.
"Morning. Pancakes? Is there juice?" She called out, certain that she smelled pancakes, hoping that she wasn't just having some sort of olfactory hallucination. Did people even have such things?
"Good morning, Willow." Her mother called out from the kitchen. "Can you set the table for breakfast?"
"Sure." Willow nodded, and made her way to the cabinet that held the plates. Three plates, silverware. best make a separate trip for the glasses. "Coffee mugs too, or just juice?"
"Both, dear. You know how cranky your father gets if he doesn't have his coffee." Her mother sounded like she was in a good mood this morning.
"Don't exaggerate, Sheila." Her father's voice still sounded sleepy. "Angel's still asleep?"
"Pretty much. He knows that I came down for pancakes." Willow made a half shrug. Placing the plates on the table, she ducked into the kitchen to collect the carton of orange juice and the bottle of maple syrup.
"Mmmm." Her father came to the table, and settled in his favorite chair. "What are you planning with him anyhow? I know, you've explained that he's been helpful. But, honey, you can't just keep a vampire as a pet. Or whatever you want to call him."
"I'm not trying to keep Angel as a pet." Willow's face felt warm as images of things that she didn't ever want her parents to know that she'd even heard of flickered through her head. Leather, collars, corsets, submissive Angel kneeling beside her feet. "I'm helping him get better. And helping Angel is keeping me from dwelling on everything else, like my injury, like Oz leaving for Los Angeles, like Buffy being gone."
The phone rang, and Willow was aware of her mother answering it in the kitchen. She tried to ignore that, instead bringing over three glasses and three coffee mugs and placing them at the table. Then, she heard her mother mention her name.
"Willow, why is the school librarian trying to talk to you? This isn't a matter of an overdue book, is it?" Her mother's question sounded as if she was fighting to stay calm.
"It's Giles? I thought. No, Mom, it isn't about a library book." Willow wondered what was prompting the call. "Remember, he's Buffy's Watcher."
"Oh dear." Sheila sighed, and apparently returned her attention to the phone, and spoke for a few more moments, her words too low for Willow to make out clearly.
"He said that there were a few things that he needed to talk about, and he'll be here in a half hour." She carried in a platter of pancakes, placing them on the table. "He made this odd sputtering noise, and I don't think that he'd expected us to be here."
"Giles is coming over?" Willow felt nervous, and speared a pancake with her fork. She had the feeling that things were about to get more complicated. "Maybe I'd better try to eat quickly."
~Part: 2~
Willow was just trying to mop up the last traces of syrup with her third pancake when there was a knock at the door. She glanced up, wondering how she'd explain everything to Giles, wondering if he'd found Buffy, wondering if there was some new crisis. She had too many thoughts.
"You finish your juice. I'll get the door." Her father glanced at her, and shook his head. "Don't drink too much coffee, it'll stunt your growth."
Willow smiled at him, and dutifully sipped at her orange juice. It probably was better for her than the coffee anyhow. Had he found something about Buffy? Had he noticed that. oh, had she actually remembered to take back those books on conjuring and summoning that she'd borrowed when she was trying to find a way to bring Angel back? Guiltily, she remembered that they were still sitting in a stack by her computer.
Finally, she swallowed the last of her pancake, and drank the last sip of juice. Willow stood up, part of her wanting to face Giles and find out, and part of her afraid. The nervous part won, and she took the plate and juice glass into the kitchen as a delaying tactic. She refilled her coffee cup and started towards the living room, hoping that it would keep her hands from shaking. Somehow, she couldn't convince herself that Giles would be happy that Angel was back, and that she was effectively hiding him. But did it really count as hiding if nobody had been looking?
He was in the living room, with her father. Currently, Giles was attempting to explain that he'd been trying to contact her as part of a study effort, and it wasn't going over very well. For a moment, she wondered if it would be cruel to let him flounder on. "Morning, Giles."
"Ah, Willow." His eyes lit up, and it was almost as if he viewed her arrival as a rescue from an awkward conversation. "I was just explaining to your father."
"Making bad excuses, he means." Her dad grumbled, settling himself into his chair. "Willow told us that you're a Watcher, and that her friend Buffy is the Slayer. I'd hoped that there wouldn't be any problems with vampires in a small town like this, but it seems that we were wrong about that."
"err." Giles sort of froze, and slowly leaned back, his hands folding and unfolding over his knee. "She mentioned that?"
"And that the town is built on something called a Hellmouth." Shaking his head, her father sighed. "It explained quite a few things about the place, actually."
"I must admit that I'm a bit surprised that Willow would talk about something like that. The existence of the Slayer." Giles paused, as if he was trying to sort out the right words for what he wanted to say.
"Willow didn't tell us about the existence of the Slayer, only that her friend Buffy was one. Sheila and I already knew about vampires and Slayers, and there was a bit of a vampire scare the other night, and then we learned that Willow knew." Sipping at his coffee, her father added. "I'd met a Slayer before. She save our lives, back before Willow was born."
"You didn't say." Willow began, moving in and carefully sitting on the end of the couch. "Is that why I have a tree name? Because she had a tree name?"
Chuckling, he nodded. "Yes. We were saved by a Slayer named Rowan; so we named you for another tree. At the time, we wanted to do something, not too obvious, but in thanks."
"Giles, did you find Buffy yet?" Willow asked, holding her coffee before her, softly blowing at the wisps of fragrant steam that rose from the cup.
"No. I didn't find Buffy. Nor did I find. Willow, do you know what happened to the. To the things for the ritual that was attempted in the library?" He looked uncomfortable.
"Yes." Willow wasn't quite certain why he was asking about the things for the Restoration ritual. "Oz and Cordelia brought them to the hospital, so I could try a second attempt."
"A second attempt? But the risk involved, the chance of exhaustion... And you were already injured." He sort of froze, and looked at her, a little line forming between his eyebrows. Carefully, he placed his hands over his knee, fingers laced together. "Did anyone else know about this effort?"
Looking at him she almost whispered the words. "I asked Xander to tell Buffy that I was trying the ritual again."
For a long moment, the room was silent.
"Willow. a ritual like that is very dangerous. You could have been hurt attempting it, especially injured." He slowly raised one hand, adjusting his glasses slightly, and closed his eyes. "Did anything happen?"
"At the time, I didn't know." Willow sipped at her coffee, no quite willing to look Giles in the eyes. She couldn't keep it to herself about Angel, she just knew that she couldn't. "But it wasn't the last magic that I tried."
"What did you do?" Giles sounded like he wasn't certain if he wanted to be worried or angry.
Willow took a breath, and tried to speak. It took two efforts before the whisper emerged. "I brought Angel back."
Giles made a noise, a sort of strangled gasping cough. It was probably intended as some sort of objection or protest.
"I had to!" Willow insisted. "There were all these strange dreams, and I couldn't figure them out, and they weren't letting me rest, and Drusilla was in them, and."
"Breathe, Willow." Her father said, his own mug shaking slightly in his hand.
"Right." Willow tried to calm herself. Her parents wouldn't abandon her. Angel wouldn't abandon her. Oz was in LA, but he would understand, she hoped. "Drusilla was doing something to make contact with me through my dreams. She wanted me to bring her Daddy back from the place of fire and ashes. There was a vision, and the ritual worked, it worked, and then Buffy. she told him to close his eyes, and then. with the sword. and. I couldn't leave him there, I just couldn't. I couldn't leave someone that I knew to just burn in hell."
"If you tried to bring him back." Giles stopped, and made a visible effort to try to calm himself. "The whole idea is dangerous. You shouldn't even consider it. Apart from the difficulties of the spell, the Restoration might not have worked, and then, we'd be even worse off than before."
Willow glanced up, and saw Angel standing in the doorway beyond Giles. She managed a faint smile. "Too late, Giles."
Angel walked into the room, a sideways glance at the closed drapes, and settled himself to sit on the floor beside Willow. He was looking at Giles with a calm, slightly curious expression, as if he was trying to figure out how to react to the strange man.
Giles stood up, his jaw dropping open as he pointed at Angel. For a few moments, he stood there, remarkably fishlike. "But.!"
"He's not going to hurt Willow." Her father's voice was calm. "You might as well sit back down."
Willow reached out, letting one hand settle onto Angel's shoulder. Her fingers moved in a slow back and forth pattern, almost a caress. "I think it's okay, Angel. Try to calm down?"
He leaned into her touch, and his eyes half closed, though he was still watching Giles.
Slowly, Giles sank back into the couch, almost like a balloon deflating. "You. brought him back. from. hell?"
"yeah." Willow looked back at Angel, still not certain if she could look Giles in the eye after this. Considering all the things that Angelus had done, considering Jenny. Eventually, her gaze settled on Angel, and thus Willow was watching as his features changed to look human for the first time since he'd returned from hell.
"Oh dear." Was the only thing that Giles could manage to say.
~Part: 3~
From his position on the chair, Willow's father snorted. "That seems to have stumped him."
Glancing over, Willow realized that her dad was trying to hide his amusement behind the morning paper. It was a little amusing to see the way he was just sort of gaping, but. "I couldn't not try."
"You brought him back because of Drusilla?" Giles removed his glasses, pinching at the bridge of his nose. "Granted, it is the morally correct thing to try to rescue someone, but. ahhh. That is to say, I distrust Drusilla. How can we know what her motives are?"
"Giles." Willow tried to figure out the best way to put her feelings into words. She didn't really trust Drusilla either, except for the idea that she would want her Daddy to be safe. "It depends on what you mean. The first dreams. She wanted her Daddy to be safe. Away from the bad place, she kept calling it the place of blood and ashes. I have no doubts in her sincerity about that. She told me. she told me in the dreams that she'd tried, but couldn't bring him back."
"I suppose that's reasonable." Giles sighed, lifting his glasses back towards his face, halting with them barely touching at his temples. "Wait, you said the first dreams. There have been dreams since you brought him back?"
Willow sighed, almost wishing that she'd kept silent. "Yes. I thought. I thought that she was just checking up on him, wanting to make sure that he was okay. But. There was something that she said. It didn't make a whole lot of sense, but I could tell that she was afraid."
"Drusilla? Frightened?" Giles arched one eyebrow, sliding the glasses back into place. "Dare I ask why?"
"I'm not quite sure. She said something about plans, big plans that she and Spike didn't endanger. Something about screaming." Frowning, she tried to remember the details of that conversation. "She said something about a snake hiding in the walls, growing bigger. And something about waiting for the right last meal, and minions to hush the screaming."
"A symbolic snake, or a literal one?" Giles had lipped into research mode, his eyes narrowing slightly even as they looked a bit less focused. "What sort of minions, and what sort of meal?"
Shrugging, Willow looked into his eyes. "I think symbolic. She told me not to let him charm me, because he'd consider her daddy a threat. So, the snake is a person, and he's got minions to smooth over any disruption to his plans. And there was something about lambs lining up for the slaughter. It was all very confusing. But I know that she was afraid of this snake."
"And if this snake is dangerous enough to intimidate her." Giles let the words trail off unspoken. If this snake was being mentioned with minions to hush the screams and a slaughter, it was likely a bigger bad than Drusilla and Spike. As Buffy had once put it, `when scary things are scared, it's not a good thing'.
"Yeah. Maybe you can figure something out? You know, with the research?" Her voice was hopeful, and then Willow murmured the rest of her confession. "I have some of your books. One on Acathala, from before I realized it was Drusilla's version of a telephone call that was giving me weird dreams, and some on summoning and conjuring from figuring out how to bring Angel back."
"I still don't think it was a particularly wise idea, but, as you have said, it is too late to argue about that. He is here." Giles sighed, his thumb rubbing along the side of his finger, almost as if there was a thick sheet of parchment that he was examining. "It would be more productive to take the books back and see if I can determine any cause for Drusilla's. unease."
"Yeah, go ahead." Willow let her hand linger on Angel. "I think if I read any more about hell dimensions or ways of conjuring things out of them I'll scream."
Giles made his polite departure, looking rather unsettled by everything. By the return of Angel, the news of Drusilla's mental contact with Willow, and the threat that had the crazed vampires afraid.
Folding the paper, Willow's father looked over at her. "Willow, do we need to have that talk again about appropriate reading materials?"
Willow's other hand came up to cover her face, and she could feel herself turning bright pink. "Dad!"
~Part: 4~
Willow retreated to her room, not certain just how to deal with her father's half teasing comment. It was embarrassing to be teased about reading things that she shouldn't, but. It was kind of nice to be reminded that he cared. She wasn't entirely certain how she'd ended up so uncertain about her parents, feeling so distant, but she didn't like it.
Oddly enough, her arrival with Angel had been the shock to jolt them back towards each other. To remove the layers of secrets, to stop them from trying to hide the knowledge of vampires and monsters from each other. As a result, they were talking more than they had in years. They were growing closer, talking about plans and pasts, and just everything.
With a tiny giggle, she imagined trying to explain to Buffy and Xander that her parents had known about vampires all along. Except that Buffy was gone, she couldn't' tell her anything. And Xander. Thinking of Xander caused the memory of hearing him tell Giles about the night of the Ritual, of hearing him lie. The lie hurt, and it made her stomach feel sick, and she didn't know how she'd be able to face Xander again. But she would have to face him eventually. The giggle was silent, and her smile faded.
"What do I do about it?" The whisper fell into the quiet of her room.
Angel glanced over at her, looking almost guilty as he examined a row of stuffed animals on a shelf. His finger was frozen in the midst of trailing over the worn velvet plush of a pink teddy bear. After a pause, he resumed his examination of the toys, with a thoughtful expression. Was he remembering things from his own childhood, many years ago? Was he thinking about his time in Sunnydale before, before Angelus, before Hell? Or was he just wondering why she had a row of child's toys carefully lined up on a shelf?
For a moment, Willow watched him. "You're right, I don't know enough. I need to know why he lied, why he said. what he said. There might have been a good reason, but."
She felt her eyes prickling, and sniffled slightly, not wanting to cry. The words were very soft, just a thick whisper. "But it still hurts. He lied, and he used me in his lie."
Angel walked over, his eyes worried. He crouched in front of her, one hand resting lightly on her knee as he looked at her. Lightly, he raised his hand, fingers touching the single tear that had slipped onto her cheek. Slowly, as if fearing reprimand, he moved until he sat beside her. Hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around her, and held her against him, rocking them gently as he hummed that same tune.
Willow closed her eyes, leaning back into Angel's embrace. It didn't erase the pain of learning that Xander had lied, it didn't give her the answer to what to do, but it made her feel better. She wasn't alone, and Angel would try to keep her safe.
She wasn't certain how long they stayed like that. Angel had stopped humming, slipping back into slumber on her bed, and she was still cradled in his arms. It felt nice, safe and comfortable. But eventually, she caught the smell of lunch, and her stomach informed her that it had been quite long enough since breakfast, thank you.
Carefully, she slipped out of Angel's arms. He looked so peaceful resting there. Leaning over, she gave him a quick kiss, barely a brush of her lips over his forehead. Smiling, she left the bedroom, eager for lunch.
Lunch was good, and quickly devoured as Willow and her parents discussed college. They wanted her to get a degree and have a career, and kept insisting that 'fights evil' and 'can call two elements and retrieve vampires from hell' wouldn't be enough to get a good job in a few more years. Honestly, she wasn't certain that they were completely wrong, but she didn't think that she could just ignore the dangers out there now that she knew about them either. Not that her parents were completely ignoring those dangers, they just weren't exactly fighting them. Once they'd stared discussing things more fully, Willow had learned that her parents helped people who'd either been attacked by demons or lost people to them. It was a careful, and traumatic niche of psychiatric help, but one that was definitely needed.
Things had gotten quiet after a while. Willow was left thinking about how much of her parents lives had been hidden, about how much easier it was to talk to them now that they weren't trying to hide the knowledge of vampires from each other. It was like a second chance with her family.
There was a knock at the door, and then Xander came into the house. His loose Hawaiian shirt and jean shorts were entirely Xander, as was the slightly too long and disheveled look to his hair. But he looked so worried.
"Willow! You're okay. I guess. umm. I kept trying to get a hold of you lately, and missing you." He stuffed his hands into his pockets, glancing nervously at her parents. "Hey Mr. and Mrs. Rosenberg."
"Xander." Her father nodded, folding his paper and putting it down. "Sheila and I need to go sort out a few things about our next conference, why don't you two just talk in here?"
"Sure, Dad." Willow had sighed, wondering if her dad was trying to give them privacy, or just not certain that Xander would talk if he was there.
"Giles said he talked to you earlier." Xander allowed himself to drop onto the couch, glancing at Willow. "So, are you. How's your back?"
"Healing." Willow sighed, feeling impatient. "The doctors said it would be okay, given enough time, but. It feels like it's taking a very long time."
"Yeah." Xander closed his eyes for a moment, and then glanced over at her. "So, did Giles have any news about Buffy? Any luck finding her, any new leads?"
"Nothing so far." Willow wanted to throw herself into Xander's arms and cry about things, much the way she would have when they were ten. Or to look over at him and ask him to tell her that everything would be okay. But time and the burning knowledge of his lie prevented her. Instead, she looked at the carpet, a hundred angry words dancing on the tip of her tongue. "So, you know, you never did tell me how things went."
"What things?" Xander was sitting up now, an eyebrow raised.
"When you went to tell Buffy that I was trying the spell again. Was she. did she have a plan, was she afraid? I want to know." Her fingers were laced together, knuckles white as she fought to keep from fidgeting. What would Xander say? Would he tell her the truth, or would there be another lie?
"Buffy? Ummm." Xander looked away, one hand worrying at a loose thread on his shirt. "Yeah. That's sort of. painful. But I guess you deserve to know."
~Part: 5~
Willow took a moment to mentally count to a hundred. This was what she needed to know. What had happened, why he'd lied. If he would keep lying about that night. "Was she afraid?"
"I think so." His voice was soft, as if he was trying not to disturb someone. "But he was trying to hide it, to look confident and determined. I think she was terrified. Just her against the evil ex, and the fate of the world depended on her killing him in time."
"Ouch." Willow blinked back tears, not having quite thought of things that way. But Xander was right, Buffy's position had been horrible, the amount of emotional pressure on her.
"I just wanted her to be careful. To be strong." Xander's words were even softer, and Willow wasn't certain if he knew that he'd even spoke.
"Xander, what happened?" Willow leaned forward, trying to ignore the pull of the bruises. But they brought back her own memories of that night, of Kendra dying, of minions laughing and falling books, of being battered by compendiums of demons. Waking up in a hospital bed, a needle embedded in her arm and God and the doctors only knew what added into her veins. "I need to know."
"I. She had to fight him, to really fight him. We couldn't afford for her to be distracted by memories of Angel, by the whole my boyfriend the vampire thing. It was the fate of the whole world." Xander was looking at her, his eyes full of pain and pleading. "You understand that, right?"
"Giles told us all what Acathala could do. And I borrowed one of the books for a bit more research." The words emerged slowly. It felt as if he was on the verge of answers, and she didn't want to do anything to make him stop talking. If he wouldn't tell her.
"If Angelus had killed Buffy, the whole world was doomed. Not more dead bodies, a possible army of vampires, but sucked into hell and toasted doomed." He paused, sucking in a breath, one hand clenching into a fist. "I told her to kick his ass. I told her to fight."
Willow felt tears prickling at her eyes, and blinked, hoping that they'd go away. Xander had been afraid that Angelus would kill Buffy if she showed any distraction, any hesitation. "You didn't tell her about the spell?"
"I. I know you wanted me to tell her." Xander sighed, almost seeming to collapse. "But if she'd tried to take it slowly, if she'd tried to buy time to get her boyfriend back. I couldn't risk the whole world's fate on Buffy being able to kill Angelus when she thought there was a chance to get Angel back."
"I suppose it was a lot of pressure for her." Willow murmured. She understood Xander's reasoning, and had to agree with it. Buffy had spent a long time agonizing over the whole issue of Angelus and Angel, unable to separate the two in her mind. If she'd thought that she might have him back, would she have hesitated?
Part of her wanted to believe that everything would have worked out. That Buffy would have been able to save the world anyhow. Another part of her wasn't so certain. She remembered long nights of letting Buffy cry about her boyfriend going evil, about the terrible things that Angel was doing. That part whispered that Buffy wouldn't have been able to force herself to kill Angelus if she thought that she could get Angel back.
"So, to make sure that she'd fight, you lied to her?" Willow looked at Xander, needing to watch his face, needing to see how he was feeling. The words were harsh, and she knew they were harsh. But right now, she didn't want to soften her question.
"Yeah." His eyes were pool of pain. It didn't look as if he'd been sleeping very well either. "I lied to one of my best friends in the whole world, and the only reason that I could go through with it was because if I didn't, if she didn't fight, the whole world was doomed. The world! This is life, not a movie, the fate of the world shouldn't depend on a group of high school students."
"I know. It's not fair, but life isn't fair very often." Willow sighed. She didn't want to ask any more, but she had to know. She asked again, poking at it as if it was a sore wound. "How did you make Buffy believe it? I mean, what did you say?"
"The words were pretty easy. Figuring out what would make her fight, what would make her focus on beating Angelus. The hard part. The hard part was looking her in the eyes and lying." He rubbed at one eye, looking very tired all of a sudden. "I. told her that you were in the hospital. And I told her that you wanted her to kick his ass."
"You involved me in your lie." Willow spoke slowly, trying to stay. well, not calm, but at least not shouting. She'd known this already. But now she was learning the reasons why it had happened. Learning why Angel had been cast into hell. But no, surely Buffy had something to do with it as well? And she couldn't ask Buffy anything, couldn't demand to know why, or how she could send Angel to hell when she couldn't even stake Angelus. Her hands were shaking, and she squeezed her fingers more tightly together in a futile effort at making them stop.
"I'm sorry." Xander offered, and then paused a moment before he continued. "Doesn't quite fix it, does it?"
"No." Willow felt a tear running down her cheek, and had the sinking feeling that it wasn't the only one. But surely the tears were better than screaming? "I understand why you did it. I don't think she could have.. I don't think she would have fought as hard. But it hurts."
"Can we. are things going to be okay?" Xander's voice was soft, and he reached out, his hand barely brushing against hers.
Willow jerked her hands back, the fingers separating easily, trembling and pale. She didn't want Xander to touch her right now. His words echoed, crashing into each other. 'Willow said to kick his ass' ran headlong into 'I'm sorry' ran into 'I couldn't risk the world.' Willow drew in a shuddering breath, squeezing her eyes shut in an effort to make the words stop. Her hands closed into fists, and she clenched them until she could feel the faint bite of her nails gouging into her palms.
"I don't know." Willow whispered, the words the only honest answer that she could give right now.
The End